Slap Stick //Rik
Rik
Imagine a copse of clown-trees,
she says, with revolving bow ties
for leaves and bright red nose buds.
Do the flowers squirt brass bees
with nectar, I ask. Oh yes,
she agrees: it is a necessary prank;
how else can the shoe seeds form?
They dangle in long pairs from the boughs,
you know, and drop with the first frost
to the hard ground, slapping down
among puff balls and stinkhorns:
who painted your face so sad?
(revised, Dec 07)
Rik, knee deep.
Dennis M. Hammes
Something in the voice or articulation of the first worked better at
what it did. This works better overall, but has become a news item,
almost an obit of itself.
You can't let the experts talk you outta the good stuff!
--
-------(m+
~/:o)_|
Gresham's Law is not worth a Continental.
http://scrawlmark.org
George Dance
It seems, on second look
that you're preparing a new book;
If so, don't ignore
"Untitled #4."
Rik
> Something in the voice or articulation of the first worked better at
> what it did. This works better overall, but has become a news item,
> almost an obit of itself.
>
I think this version works better - fewer words and no theft of someone
else's first line. The previous version seemed a bit too /earnest/ for
my taste. This version could do with a touch more work - perhaps more
circus allusions, or something ...
> You can't let the experts talk you outta the good stuff!
>
The only person talking me into these revision decisions is the voice in
my head. It probably suggested the changes as a retaliation for the
hangover I inflicted on it over the crimbo festivities.
Rik, knee deep.
Rik
> It seems, on second look
> that you're preparing a new book;
> If so, don't ignore
> "Untitled #4."
>
Thank you for reading and commenting, George.
I've no plans for another chapbook of poems at this stage.
Rik, knee deep.
Dennis M. Hammes
Well, there's your trouble. The voices in your head are not talking
to you.
They're talking to me.
ME! ME! ME!