Review: 2012 (2009)
Tim Voon
By Tim Voon
3 out of 5 stars
Think of every disaster movie you have ever seen put it all together
in a cauldron and add the whiz bang magical ingredient of the latest
special effects and you have the big bang of a movie 2012.
Remember the eruptive forces of VOLCANO 2007 and DANTE's PEAK 2007,
well they peter at a weak 3-4 on the Richter Scale whilst this movie
explodes at the high end 9's, screaming "look at me, I am the biggest,
baddest disaster movie ever." I have to say that the obliteration of
Yellow Stone National Park by a volcano is the most impressive
explosion I have seen to date. Then there was DEEP IMPACT 1998,
remember that enormous wave of water about to engulf New York City,
well this is outdone by Tsunamis' towering over the Himalayan
mountains of Tibet, is if not excessive at least memorable. I can list
other comparisons - the destruction of cities by aliens in WAR OF THE
WORLDS 2005 or the ground breaking INDEPENDANCE DAY 1996, seems small
compared to how this movie with great length (almost 3hrs) and detail,
shows us how to rip every stone, brick, block, house, car, sky
scraper, White House, Casino, Cathedral, Statue of Christ, major city
with memorable land mark you can think of apart, with great relish and
pomp.
As for the reasons for all this destruction? Well it is based on an
old Mayan Prophecy that every 650,000 years when all the planets align
with the Sun, death to all life as we know it on Earth will occur.
Remember the dinosaurs, well they were the last inhabitants to be made
extinct and now it is our turn in the year 2012. Personally, I prefer
the meteorite theory of ARMAGEDDON 1998 or the dying core theory of
THE CORE 2003 or the solar flare theory of SUNSHINE 2007 and KNOWING
2009 or even the fluffy global warming theory of THE DAY AFTER
TOMORROW 2004. However, to say that some neutrinos being admitted by
the Sun is causing the earth's core to melt and thus the tectonic
plates to become unstable and shift, is like asking me to believe that
the earth is flat and we all live on the back of a tortoise that
floats through space and time.
Besides this weak plot line, there is an awful lot of unnecessary
clutter of relationships thrown into this movie, which really slows it
down. For example between the American President (Danny Glover) and
his daughter (the lovely Thandie Newton) is probably surmised to a
phone call along the lines of "can you forgive me" moments before the
Washington Memorial comes crashing through the Oval Office. Or the
annoying relationship between Amanda Peet and John Cusack, which is
reminiscent to WAR OF THE WORLDS - divorced parents with two children
who are thrown into a contrived disaster where the kids hate their
dad, until he becomes the hero that saves them all. Or a rehash of the
ending of the POSEIDON 2006 where John Cusack's sacrifice is almost
identical to that of Kurt Russell's dilemma of whether to drown or
save the day. You will find clich� after clich� flooding this movie as
quickly as the rising waters and sinking earth decimate the human
population of planet Earth.
I viewed this movie at V Max Village Cinemas where the screen is twice
the size of an average screen and the sound reverberates through your
body and believe me there is A LOT of sound. If you are noise
sensitive or are worried about having your hearing damaged, avoid this
movie. Overall, the special effects and visual stupendousness of this
movie places it high on the 4/5 scale but the cheesy storyline and
repetitive clich�s places it low on the 2/5 in my books. Overall, I
would say that I was entertained but not entirely satisfied by this
movie.
Website - filmnet.com
Email - winklebeck @hotmail.com
Steve Rhodes
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2009 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): ***
Easily the best bad movie in years, 2012 is hilariously over the top.
Although its incredibly bloated 160 minute running time is filled with long,
dead sections, the movie sparkles and awes in its truly incredible special
effects shots filled with all manner of disasters.
Rarely has the end of the world looked this spectacular and been this much
fun. If mankind is to go out in a blaze of glory, 2012 points the way. Of
course, not everyone will die; otherwise, the movie would be such a downer
that a major studio could never be able to sell enough tickets to recoup the
production's cost, which, in the case of 2012, must have been enormous.
2012's director Roland Emmerich has a lot of experience with big budget
extravaganzas, such as his best film ever, INDEPENDENCE DAY. His movies work
best when they don't take themselves too seriously. THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
was a disastrous disaster movie, because it acted liked it believed all of
its pseudo-scientific messages. 2012, on the other hand, always has its
tongue planted firmly in its cheek. And, lest there be any question about
how serious the story is to be taken, Emmerich lets Woody Harrelson ham it
up for all he's worth as a bizarre mountain man named Charlie Frost, who is
a complete lunatic and a prophet of sorts.
The science, such as it is, behind the narrative concerns record solar
eruptions. With the sun bombarding the earth with neutrinos on steroids, the
earth's core starts melting, which causes some major global warming. The
continents shift dramatically. Earthquakes, tidal waves and volcanoes appear
everywhere.
The most ridiculous part of the plot is that, while it's obvious to the
audience that the end is near, Earth's inhabitants don't quite get it.
Meanwhile, the world's governments manage to create a gigantic plan to deal
with the coming Armageddon -- and keep it all a secret for 3 years after the
story starts in 2009.
In his worse performance to date, Danny Glover (LETHAL WEAPON) plays the
president. Acting clueless and incompetent, Glover's President Thomas Wilson
doesn't act like the leader of the free world, so it's not clear why any of
the foreign leaders follow his advice.
Much better is Oliver Platt as Carl Anheuser, a presidential aide ready to
make the tough choices to save mankind. Sure, he's a bit cutthroat, but he
has a clear vision of what needs to be done and is willing sacrifice people
if need be.
The star of the movie is John Cusack, who plays an obscure author named
Jackson Curtis. Curtis makes his living as a limo driver for a Russian
billionaire. The world starts to rapidly fall apart when Curtis, a single
dad with an attractive ex (Amanda Peet as Kate), takes his two kids (played
by Liam James and Morgan Lily) camping in Yellowstone. This national park
turns out to be ground zero of some secret government activities.
Soon Curtis is back home in L.A. driving his limo over and around sink holes
that swallow cars, then houses and soon entire skyscrapers. It's great fun
that feels very much like a high end ride at an amusement park.
The movie is full of wonderfully cheesy lines. Just after Kate, talking
about relationships, remarks to her husband in the grocery store, "Honey, I
feel like there is something pulling us apart," a humongous crack in the
earth opens right between the two of them. And, please don't get me started
on the saccharine last act, filled with cheap emotions and one illogical
action after another.
But, hey, pass the popcorn. Death and destruction have rarely been this much
fun.
2012 runs way, way too long at 2:40. It is rated PG-13 for "intense disaster
sequences and some language" and would be acceptable for kids around 9 and
up.
My son Jeffrey, age 20, gave it ***, saying that there were so many things
wrong with the movie but he liked it anyway. He thought it was over the top,
stupid and a complete blast. Jeffrey's friend, R.T., also 20, agreed
completely.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, November 13, 2009.
In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Cinemark
theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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