OT: proper way to order a bagel
Ross Presser
>Should I say "May I have a garlic bagel with vegetable cream
>cheese?" or "May I have vegetable cream cheese on a garlic bagel?"
>or "May I have vegetable on garlic?" Thank You.
Maybe try something like this:
>BAGEL, GET THE VEGETABLE CREAM CHEESE
The bagel picks up the small tub of cream cheese. How, you are not
sure, for it has no hands; it is merely a torus of bread, sliced
perpendicular to its axis; nevertheless, it picks it up.
>BAGEL, GET THE KNIFE
The bagel looks at you quizzically, as if to say "I only have zero
hands!"
>BAGEL, DROP THE CREAM CHEESE. BAGEL, GET THE KNIFE.
The bagel does as you tell it.
The bagel now has the knife.
>BAGEL, GET THE CREAM CHEESE WITH THE KNIFE
The bagel glances (without eyes) at the tub of cream cheese, but since
the tub is closed, it does nothing.
>OPEN THE TUB OF VEGETABLE CREAM CHEESE
You open the tub for the bagel. The bagel nods at you approvingly.
>BAGEL, GET THE CREAM CHEESE WITH THE KNIFE
The bagel gets a knifeful of vegetable cream cheese and waits patiently
for your next command.
>BAGEL, PUT THE CREAM CHEESE ON YOURSELF WITH THE KNIFE
The bagel looks doubtfully at you, unwilling to sully its perfectly
toasted flesh, but awkwardly mashes the white spread upon its sliced
surface using the knife. The knife is now empty.
>BAGEL, DROP THE KNIFE
The bagel lets go of the knife and it clatters to the table.
>GET BAGEL
You make a grab for the bagel, but it evades your grasp.
The bagel, sensing your toroidophagic intent, rolls away from you off
the table.
>STAB BAGEL WITH KNIFE
(taking the butter knife)
You thrust wildly at the bagel, but it is too quick for you.
The bagel has reached the telephone and is calling 911.
>THROW KNIFE AT BAGEL
You hurl the knife at the bagel. Unfortunately, it passes neatly
through the central hole, causing no damage.
The bagel finishes its phone call and hangs up the phone.
You hear a police siren.
>GET UP
You stand up from the breakfast table.
The bagel throws the knife at you. It hits you squarely in the chest,
but fortunately, it is a blunt butter knife and you are unharmed.
The police siren is getting louder.
>GET BAGEL
You make a grab for the bagel, but it evades your grasp. The bagel
rolls rapidly out of the kitchen.
The police siren is getting very loud now.
>FOLLOW BAGEL
You make your way into the living room.
The police burst through the front door. One cop picks up the bagel
and holds it protectively, while another one aims a gun at you and
shouts "FREEZE!". You make a dash for it, so he shoots you in the
back.
*** You have died ***
You scored 0 points out of a total of 10, which means you are Hungry.
Not to mention dead.
Next time, give a little more thought to your evil plan before ordering
a bagel around.
--
Ross Presser * ross_p...@imtek.com
'"Stuck" is not a state of being unable to solve a puzzle. "Stuck" is
a state of *believing* that you are unable to solve a puzzle.'
- Andrew "Zarf" Plotkin, waxing philosophical again
W. Top Changwatchai
> alt.distin...@bob.com (bob).wrote.posted.offered:
>
> >Should I say "May I have a garlic bagel with vegetable cream
> >cheese?" or "May I have vegetable cream cheese on a garlic bagel?"
> >or "May I have vegetable on garlic?" Thank You.
>
> Maybe try something like this:
>
> >BAGEL, GET THE VEGETABLE CREAM CHEESE
>
[much of brilliant scenario deleted]
Heh heh heh! "toroidophagic intent" indeed. What a great name for an IF
game. Or a novel.
> The police burst through the front door. One cop picks up the bagel
> and holds it protectively, while another one aims a gun at you and
> shouts "FREEZE!". You make a dash for it, so he shoots you in the
> back.
>
> *** You have died ***
If I may make a sweeping generalization, perhaps the player's main error
was in underestimating the police's well-known toroidophilia. Not that
there's anything wrong with that.
Top
--
W. Top Changwatchai
chngwtch at uiuc dot edu
Adam Conover
Presser) wrote:
>alt.distin...@bob.com (bob).wrote.posted.offered:
>
>>Should I say "May I have a garlic bagel with vegetable cream
>>cheese?" or "May I have vegetable cream cheese on a garlic bagel?"
>>or "May I have vegetable on garlic?" Thank You.
>
>Maybe try something like this:
>
>>BAGEL, GET THE VEGETABLE CREAM CHEESE
<snip transcript>
sigh. well, scrap yet another IF-comp work-in-progress for me...
- adam
(take out the the 'removethis' from e-mail address to reply)
William Burns
Presser) wrote:
>Maybe try something like this:
>>BAGEL, GET THE VEGETABLE CREAM CHEESE
>The bagel picks up the small tub of cream cheese. How, you are not
>sure, for it has no hands; it is merely a torus of bread, sliced
>perpendicular to its axis; nevertheless, it picks it up.
Now this brings back memories. Especially getting hold of that bloody
Babel Fish. My favourite games those were.
--
William
Another 174 days, then it's "Welcome to the Third."
Philip Armstrong
Ross Presser <rpre...@NOSPAMimtek.com.invalid> wrote:
>>GET BAGEL
>
>You make a grab for the bagel, but it evades your grasp.
>
>The bagel, sensing your toroidophagic intent, rolls away from you off
>the table.
yum. gotta get me some more o them there toroids.
spheres just don't cut the mustard any more...
Phil
--
http://www.kantaka.co.uk/ .oOo. public key: http://www.kantaka.co.uk/gpg.txt