Silly Game Elements, Round Two
Cardinal Teulbachs
Announcing Round Two of Silly Game Elements
Ok, I'm ready for silly objects now. However, I'm going to have to put
some restrictions on contributions this time that weren't required for
the first round. First off, it's entirely possible that not everyone's
contribution will be used this time around. This is not because I want
to leave anyone out, but rather because the story is beginning to
coalesce, sort of, and it demands a certain internal consistency if
it's going to be playable at all. Since every object in the game has
to have some reason for being there, I think it better to use only the
ones that can be fit into the tale and to discard the rest. The
alternative would be for me to multiply the storylines so as to
accommodate a bunch of extraneous objects, which would be too
difficult, and, finally, pointless. Hence, if you want to see your
object actually used in the game, here are a few pointers:
1. Try to make it something that would fit fairly obviously into one
of the locations you've seen so far (in Silly Game Elements, Round
One, for those who need a reference). Don't mention a location,
though, unless you do it by email.
1.a. On the other hand, there's no necessity, really, that it go with
an existing location. This is kind of difficult to communicate, but
what I'm trying to avoid are things like I've listed in #2 below. If
your object is a can of hairspray, for example, that would be fine,
even though no Hair Salon location exists.
2. Make it halfway normal. I don't have any use for
laser-beam-shooting pocket combs, or non-existent existents existing
within their own existences, or ballpoint pens made out of lettuce.
3. Keep it simple. Manipulable objects are fine, but the less moving
parts, the better. Also, if it happens to be a puzzle in itself, be
sure to tell me the solution, 'cause I'm kinda dumb that way (but
don't tell the newsgroup! email me).
4. No magic items. This is a reality-based game <g>.
5. As with last time, one entry per family, please. I've already got
lots of objects supplied in the first round.
OK, now the submission format:
object name
object description
special properties and things not obvious from the description
That's all there is to it. Let fly. Oh, and thanks in advance for your
cruelty <g>.
--Cardinal T
I mean, what the hell kind of villain thwarts the hero's
progress with soup cans in the kitchen pantry?
--Russ Bryan
Cardinal, I follow up your post in the hopes that some
day I too will be quoted in your sig.
--Matthew Amster-Burton
Dan Shiovitz
A bowling ball.
Your basic, medium-weight, nicely polished bowling ball. There are only
two things of note about it. First, it is colored a hot pink, with silver
stars. Second, unlike human bowling balls, it has two thumb holes.
--
dan shiovitz scy...@u.washington.edu sh...@cs.washington.edu
slightly lost author/programmer in a world of more creative or more sensible
people ... remember to speak up for freedom because no one else will do it
for you: use it or lose it ... carpe diem -- be proactive.
my web site: http://weber.u.washington.edu/~scythe/home.html some ok stuff.
Eli the bearded
>object description
>special properties and things not obvious from the description
Okay. To keep it based in reality, I whip out a description
of something I own.
pin-ring
"This is a large ring with a pin sticking off of it. It
rather looks like it sould be holding a grenade together.
This is usually on your keychain where it serves countless
useful purposes."
Some useful purposes to which it has been put: when off the
keychain it awkwardly servicible for popping the lid off
bottles; it came in quite handy that time I wanted something
to stir the liquid zinc; on a number of occaisions it has
served well for engraving text into things; it is well
suited for pushing recessed buttons or manipulating dip
switches; and there where a couple of times it kept my
fingers clean by probing messy gearing for me.
Elijah
------
other neat thing you could do with it: wear it around a
finger and then put the pin part in the third hole of a
US outlet to make a bargain-basement grounding strap
Roger Giner-Sorolla
Vat O'Lard
No surprises here: an industrial-capacity drum of industrial-grade pork
lard, painted bright pink. On its side is stenciled the winking face
of a less-than-well-known cartoon pig. The manufacturer's name is absent,
probably at the request of their lawyers.
>look in vat
The vat is open, and brim full with creamy, oleaginous, congealed, LARD!
Such bliss!
> get lard from vat
You joyfully plunge your paw into the brimming vat, and come up with a
big handful of lard!
> look at lard
Which lard do you mean, the handful of lard or the vat of lard?
> handful
It's a handful of lard. Go, have a ball.
>look in lard
Which lard do you mean, the handful of lard or the vat of lard?
> vat
Plumbing the depths of the lard, fathoming its glutinous mysteries, you
think you spy a dark object, buried about a yard deep in the plentiful
pork by-product...
Roger Giner-Sorolla New York University, New York, NY
gi...@xp.psych.nyu.edu Dept. of Psychology (Social/Personality)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This scholar, rake, Christian, dupe, gamester, and poet.
David Garrick, "Jupiter and Mercury"
David Librik
bgri...@ic.sunysb.edu (Eli the bearded) writes:
>pin-ring
>"This is a large ring with a pin sticking off of it. It
>rather looks like it sould be holding a grenade together.
>This is usually on your keychain where it serves countless
>useful purposes."
>Some useful purposes to which it has been put: when off the
>keychain it awkwardly servicible for popping the lid off
>bottles; it came in quite handy that time I wanted something
>to stir the liquid zinc; on a number of occaisions it has
>served well for engraving text into things; it is well
>suited for pushing recessed buttons or manipulating dip
>switches; and there where a couple of times it kept my
>fingers clean by probing messy gearing for me.
I think we have here the prototypical example of the I-F Author's
Nightmare Object. The totally fake nature of the Adventure Universe
would become abundantly clear with an object like this one around.
You need to add "... Unfortunately, the pin has become bent so that
it looks like it will only fit into a certain size of lock, and beyond
that it's totally useless, so it's easy for the author to program."
- David Librik
lib...@cs.Berkeley.edu
Cornelius Goetz von Olenhusen
Cardinal Teulbachs (card...@earthlink.net) wrote:
: object name
Frogburger
: object description
A perfectly normal example of junk food containing cheese, tomatoes, salad,
a frog (naturally), extra onions, ketchup and vanilla sauce. Delicious!
: special properties and things not obvious from the description
Can't think of any. Except that the frog is still alive, of course. 8)
I can't think of any appropriate room right now, but I think it fits the
spirit of the game.
Have fun,
Cornelius
Larry Smith
Cardinal Teulbachs wrote:
<silly objects>
> object name
Vial of beige gel
> object description
The vial is about three inches long and perhaps half an inch
in diameter, it is (nearly full | half full | almost empty |
slimey with traces ) of a beige-colored gel with an oily smell
that can really clear your sinuses.
> special properties and things not obvious from the description
=) If smeared on a piece of beef, it can be used to glue a cow
back together.
> object name
Exercise Ball
> object description
A huge plastic sphere as long as you are long, with no
obvious means of egress once you have been sealed inside.
However, you find you can throw your weight around inside
and get the sphere to roll where you want it to go.
> special properties
Protects you from the cat...
David Dyte
The Cardinal said:
>
> OK, now the submission format:
>
> object name
> object description
>
To which I say:
>x shirt
The t-shirt is purple and blue. It appears to be of the type that changes
colour according to its temperature. It also has one of those pictures you
have to stare into to see a three dimensional image.
>x picture on shirt
You strain your eyes, and eventually pick out an image of.... (you choose
Cardinal :-)
>wear shirt
You put on the shirt. Its colour gradually changes with your body heat.
>wait
The shirt is mostly purple now.
>x picture on shirt
You strain your neck to see the picture, but after a short while you again
pick out an image. It appears to have changed with the new colours. This
time it is a ..... (again I leave this to your discretion)
>diagnose
You have a cricked neck.
--
David Dyte
Have you people any idea what a can of worms you open when you include
a photocopier in an IF game?
Fred Michael Sloniker
Cardinal Teulbachs <card...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>Announcing Round Two of Silly Game Elements
>object name
A doovoo doll (of you)
>object description
Voodoo dolls, according to legend, allow one to inflict all sorts of
horrible tortures on the person they resemble by inflicting them on
the doll. A doovoo doll, on the other hand, is a lot more useful to
the guy whose mug is Magic Markered on its face; any bad stuff that
happens to *him* happens to the *doll* instead. At the moment, your
face beams back at you, making you feel a lot more secure. The
missing left arm reminds you of the close call with that chainsaw.
>special properties and things not obvious from the description
Any disaster that happens to the player is averted by the doovoo doll
as long as (a) the doovoo doll is still reasonably intact (it'll save
you from being incinerated-- once) and (b) the doll isn't caught in
the disaster with you (better not have it on your person if you get
crushed under an elevator or something...)
---Fred M. Sloniker, stressed undergrad
L. Lazuli R'kamos, FurryMUCKer
laz...@u.washington.edu
"I am Number Two. You are Number... um... Lots and Lots!" --B&B/The Prisoner
Branko Collin
In article <4mh32g$8...@argentina.it.earthlink.net>
>some restrictions on contributions this time that weren't required for
>the first round.
I'll keep it simpel and usefull this time.
>object name
A towel
>object description
This is not one of these magical towels that will get you lifts across
the galaxy, ward off evil monsters, feed you when you're hungry or
even help you make you dry. It's just an ordinary election-day gift
towel with Branko Collin's face on it and the faded message: "Vote Branko".
>special properties and things not obvious from the description
The towel is too moist to make you dry. The effect is rather the reverse.
=??? TOWEL (??? = an activity of which I don't know the english word, but
it's the activity of taking a wet cloth by two ends and twisting it until
all fluids have left it. IOW, the towel first looks like ===== and during
the twisting like oooooo).
No fluids seem to be able to escape. The towel is still wet.
.......................................................................
. Branko Collin . Watch this space for the next .
. . episode of: .
. // u24...@vm.uci.kun.nl . .
. \X/ . Controversial Signatures .
.......................................................................
Brian J. Swetland
Branko Collin (U24...@vm.uci.kun.nl) wrote:
:
: >object name
:
: A towel
:
: >object description
:
: This is not one of these magical towels that will get you lifts across
: the galaxy, ward off evil monsters, feed you when you're hungry or
: even help you make you dry. It's just an ordinary election-day gift
: towel with Branko Collin's face on it and the faded message: "Vote Branko".
:
: >special properties and things not obvious from the description
:
: =DRY MYSELF WITH TOWEL
:
: The towel is too moist to make you dry. The effect is rather the reverse.
:
: =??? TOWEL (??? = an activity of which I don't know the english word, but
: it's the activity of taking a wet cloth by two ends and twisting it until
: all fluids have left it. IOW, the towel first looks like ===== and during
: the twisting like oooooo).
perhaps "wring towel"
: No fluids seem to be able to escape. The towel is still wet.
Brian
--
Brian J. Swetland NCSA Software Development Group, Mosaic/X Developer
swet...@uiuc.edu http://hagbard.ncsa.uiuc.edu/swetland/
L.J. Wischik
Branko Collin <U24...@vm.uci.kun.nl> wrote:
>This is not one of these magical towels that will get you lifts across
>the galaxy, ward off evil monsters, feed you when you're hungry or
>even help you make you dry. It's just an ordinary election-day gift
>towel with Branko Collin's face on it and the faded message: "Vote Branko".
>it's the activity of taking a wet cloth by two ends and twisting it until
>all fluids have left it. IOW, the towel first looks like ===== and during
>the twisting like oooooo).
The word is "wring".
- Do you know what the leading cause of dry skin is, today, in the US?
- No. Tell me.
- Towels.
(Or was it round five that was 'silly jokes'?)
--
Lucian
Den of Iniquity
On Tue, 7 May 1996, Branko Collin wrote:
> =??? TOWEL (??? = an activity of which I don't know the english word, but
> it's the activity of taking a wet cloth by two ends and twisting it until
> all fluids have left it. IOW, the towel first looks like ===== and during
> the twisting like oooooo).
WRING. Just be careful not to wring the rong number.
David Fletcher
Cardinal Teulbachs (card...@earthlink.net) wrote:
> object name
Yellow yoyo
> object description
An innocent-looking round plastic object with a string attached.
> special properties and things not obvious from the description
Can be yoyoed (sp?) at people or things, but isn't likely to hurt much,
unless you embed razor blades in it first or something. Can be yoyoed
at nothing in particular to pass the time.
--
David Fletcher
Mark J Tilford
Cardinal Teulbachs (card...@earthlink.net) wrote:
: Announcing Round Two of Silly Game Elements
: object name
A can of 'instant friction'
: object description
a small gray spray can
: special properties and things not obvious from the description
Any two objects which are sprayed with the contents and placed in contact
_will not_ slide against each other, although the substance will not
prevent them from being pulled apart.
: That's all there is to it. Let fly. Oh, and thanks in advance for your
Kenneth Fair
You see a can of fruit cocktail here.
> X CAN
The can has a dark green paper wrapper which says "Fruit Cocktail - In
Heavy Syrup." Turning the can over, you see that the can would give you
about 14% of your Recommended Daily Allowance of Vitamin A. That's good
to know.
> OPEN CAN
(with your bare hands)
You struggle to open the can with your bare hands, fruitlessly.
> GET CAN OPENER
Taken.
> OPEN CAN WITH CAN OPENER
The opener bites into the lid as you squeeze it. You twist the handle
and the lid slowly comes up. Your efforts have borne fruit!
Inside the can you see fruit cocktail.
> EAT FRUIT COCKTAIL
Ohhhh, that sweet goodness. You sigh as the juicy chunks slide down
your throat. A bit of juice dribbles down your chin. You feel refreshed
and invigorated.
--
KEN FAIR - U. Chicago Law | <http://student-www.uchicago.edu/users/kjfair>
Of Counsel, U. of Ediacara | Power Mac! | CABAL(tm) | I'm w/in McQ - R U?
Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man
doesn't have to experience it. --Max Frisch
Nulldogma
>=??? TOWEL (??? = an activity of which I don't know the english word,
>but
>it's the activity of taking a wet cloth by two ends and twisting it until
>all fluids have left it. IOW, the towel first looks like ===== and during
>the twisting like oooooo).
That would be "wring".
Cardinal Teulbachs
>Your basic, medium-weight, nicely polished bowling ball. There are only
>two things of note about it. First, it is colored a hot pink, with silver
>stars. Second, unlike human bowling balls, it has two thumb holes.
Very good, Dan. You get a happy-face on your paper :)
Thanks.
Cardinal Teulbachs
>No surprises here: an industrial-capacity drum of industrial-grade pork
>lard, painted bright pink. On its side is stenciled the winking face
>of a less-than-well-known cartoon pig. The manufacturer's name is absent,
>probably at the request of their lawyers.
> ...etc. snipped...
What is the deal with all the meat and meat by-products in this game,
anyway? I think you guys should stop writing on empty stomachs or
something <g>.
Nevertheless, thanks.
Cardinal Teulbachs
bgri...@ic.sunysb.edu (Eli the bearded) wrote:
>pin-ring
>"This is a large ring with a pin sticking off of it. It
>rather looks like it sould be holding a grenade together.
>This is usually on your keychain where it serves countless
>useful purposes."
Ah, so you've got one of these, too. You're certainly right about its
utility. I used mine once to hold my car's gear-shift handle in place
after the cotter pin broke.
>other neat thing you could do with it: wear it around a
>finger and then put the pin part in the third hole of a
>US outlet to make a bargain-basement grounding strap
I'm going to go try this. Now, that would be one of the upper holes,
right?
Thanks, Eli.
Cardinal Teulbachs
lib...@netcom.com (David Librik) wrote:
>I think we have here the prototypical example of the I-F Author's
>Nightmare Object. The totally fake nature of the Adventure Universe
>would become abundantly clear with an object like this one around.
The totally fake nature of the Adventure Universe will become
abundantly clear the moment the player starts the game in this case. I
don't think one little grenade pin's going to spoil the fun.
>You need to add "... Unfortunately, the pin has become bent so that
>it looks like it will only fit into a certain size of lock, and beyond
>that it's totally useless, so it's easy for the author to program."
It's not really as hard as all that. It only becomes a problem when
you try to allow the player to do anything and everything with the pin
(and then it's every bit the problem you say). But we're not striving
for total immersion here; just a goofy text game.
Cardinal Teulbachs
5ole...@rzdspc5.informatik.uni-hamburg.de (Cornelius Goetz von
Olenhusen) wrote:
>: object name
>Frogburger
>: object description
>A perfectly normal example of junk food containing cheese, tomatoes, salad,
>a frog (naturally), extra onions, ketchup and vanilla sauce. Delicious!
>: special properties and things not obvious from the description
>Can't think of any. Except that the frog is still alive, of course. 8)
>I can't think of any appropriate room right now, but I think it fits the
>spirit of the game.
Well, since the spirit of the game seems to have a lot to do with
food, I think you're right.
Thanks.
Cardinal Teulbachs
Larry Smith <l...@zk3.dec.com> wrote:
>Vial of beige gel
and
>Exercise Ball
I think in fairness I'll have to choose between these two, as much as
I like both of them.
Cardinal Teulbachs
dd...@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au (David Dyte) wrote:
>> object name
>> object description
>> special properties and things not obvious from the description
Since you left out the object's name, I've taken the liberty of
supplying it with the rather ridiculous one of "t-shirt."
>>x shirt
>The t-shirt is purple and blue. It appears to be of the type that changes
>colour according to its temperature. It also has one of those pictures you
>have to stare into to see a three dimensional image.
>>x picture on shirt
>You strain your eyes, and eventually pick out an image of.... (you choose
>Cardinal :-)
> ...steps snipped...
>>x picture on shirt
>You strain your neck to see the picture, but after a short while you again
>pick out an image. It appears to have changed with the new colours. This
>time it is a ..... (again I leave this to your discretion)
Hmm. This item has some interesting implications for the story.
Thanks.
>Have you people any idea what a can of worms you open when you include
>a photocopier in an IF game?
>Make photocopy
The can of worms bursts open with a crack, scattering its contents
across the floor.
You're right. It works!
Cardinal Teulbachs
>Yellow yoyo
>> object description
>An innocent-looking round plastic object with a string attached.
>> special properties and things not obvious from the description
>Can be yoyoed (sp?) at people or things, but isn't likely to hurt much,
>unless you embed razor blades in it first or something. Can be yoyoed
>at nothing in particular to pass the time.
Another happy-face winner :)
A simple yet useful object. Muchas gracias.
Den of Iniquity
> object name
> object description
> special properties and things not obvious from the description
Here's my entry; I hope it's not _too_ magical for you. But it's a real
stinker. I _dare_ you to stick a working version in the game ;)
name: your darklight
Standing in a corner is that old darklight you brought back from the
negative universe a couple of years ago. Looking for all the world like a
normal flashlight it shines a beam of utter blackness when switched on,
a negative radiance which obliterates almost every other light source.
> EXAMINE DARKLIGHT
It looks like any sturdy flashlight. It's made of some sort of white
rubber which is comfortable to grip.
The fact that you can see it implies that it is turned off...
OR
Although it appears to be switched on, you can see it, so it most not be
working. Perhaps the batteries have gone fully charged...
Special Properties: Should be obvious - it extinguishes all other light
sources (except perhaps bright sunlight and similarly intense light, which
it dims considerably instead). Additionally, it takes flat batteries,
which it charges up until it they're fully charged and hence useless to
the flashlight. Furthermore, it tastes of banana ice-cream (though you
can't eat it).
I call it a flashlight here - although I prefer the noun 'torch' I don't
know how well that goes in the non-native versions of the almighty English
language.
I hope that's worthy of your attention, Cardinal,
- The iniquitous Den
Stephen Granade
Cardinal Teulbachs (card...@earthlink.net) wrote:
> Announcing Round Two of Silly Game Elements
>
> object name
The good ship Lollypop
> object description
You wonder how on earth anyone managed to shrink the thing down to a
carryable size, let alone where it came from.
> special properties and things not obvious from the description
If you "LISTEN TO SHIP" you can hear a tiny voice yelling, "Help! Get me
out of here!" Shaking it will result in loud screams, followed by
silence. If any way is found to shrink down to the ship's size or to
increase the ship's size, the player will find either a) Shirley Temple or
b) a greasy smear on one wall, depending on whether or not the ship was
previously shaken.
--
Stephen Granade | "You fools! Money doesn't put fish
sgra...@phy.duke.edu | on the table! FISH puts fish on
Duke University, Physics Dept | the table!"
| -- Mr. Smartypants, from The Tick
bout...@razor.wcc.govt.nz
In article <4moisj$q...@paraguay.it.earthlink.net>, card...@earthlink.net (Cardinal Teulbachs) writes:
>>: object name
>
Small blue thing
>
>>: object description
This is a small blue thing, made of china, made of glass. It is smooth against
your skin, it is curiously round. It is watching you.
>>: special properties and things not obvious from description
Can be made to watch other things (tvs, people etc) to various effects.
apologies to Suzanne Vega :)
-Tangle
>
Branko Collin
In article <Pine.SGI.3.91.960507...@ebor.york.ac.uk>
>
Aquarius
Bacon Tree
(in keeping with the meat nature of the game)
: object description
This is a small tree, akin to bonsai trees, with timy rashers of bacon
hanging from the branches.
: special properties and things not obvious from the description
If you keep it too long, the Bacon Tree Aveging Ninjas leap out from
behind something and get you (maybe it shouldn't be a bacon tree, but a
ham bush <groan> :)
Aquarius
--
"The grand plan that is Aquarius proceeds apace." - 'Ronin', Frank Miller.
s.i.la...@durham.ac.uk | http://www.dur.ac.uk/~d4f8bu/ | Mail for PGP key
"I do believe in God. And the only think that scares me is Kaiser Sosek."-TUS
Lucian Paul Smith
: object name
"Life" Grid
>x panel
The gray panel contains a five-by-five grid of squares, with a small
round indentations in each. The columns are labelled 1 through 5, and
the rows are labelled A through E. There is a red button on the
bottom, labelled "cycle". The top of the grid is labelled "The Game of
Life." Doesn't look like anything by Parker Brothers, though.
>x grid
There is nothing on the grid.
>Put a penny on the grid
Where on the grid do you want to do that?
>B3
You put a penny on the grid. It fits into the indentation perfectly.
>Put a penny at B2 and a penny at B4
You put a penny on the grid.
You put a penny on the grid.
>x grid
The grid has pennies on it, as follows:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
A
-
B * * *
-
C
-
D
-
E
>push button
(on the grid)
The pennies on the grid have been rearranged. In fact, you might not
have the same number you started with.
>x grid
The grid has pennies on it, as follows:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
A *
-
B *
-
C *
-
D
-
E
>put a penny at D3
You put a penny on the grid.
>push button
(on the grid)
The pennies on the grid have been rearranged. In fact, you might not have
the same number you started with.
>x grid
The grid has pennies on it, as follows:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
A
-
B * * *
-
C * * *
-
D
-
E
>push button
[same thing]
>x grid
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
A *
-
B * *
-
C * *
-
D *
-
E
>shake panel
-------
Anyway, you get the idea. The grid will play "Life" with your pennies.
A handy way to increase your cash flow for something or other. Of
course, _I_ wouldn't want to code up such a beast,.. ;-)
(Of course, Cardinal, if you wanted a player to be able to mess with
something else, the pennies are by all means negotiable, as are the
messages if you want it to act differently,...)
-Lucian "Lucian" Smith
Joe Mason
"Re: Silly Game Elements,", declared Eli the from the Vogon ship:
Et>Cardinal Teulbachs <card...@earthlink.net> wrote:
Et>>Announcing Round Two of Silly Game Elements
Et>>object name
Et>>object description
Et>>special properties and things not obvious from the description
Once again, I miss the Cardinal's original sermon. Oh, well, hoping that I can
guess what he wants without it:
Object Name:
The Black Plague
Object description:
If it weren't for the rather ominous warning label, you would assume this jar is
empty. As it is, you hope that what is in the jar stays there.
>look at label
The label contains a large red Biohazard sign (the cool one that looks like the
Radiation Hazard sign, but with more curved spiky things). Written beside it
are the words:
"WARNING! This jar contains a sample of the Black Plague. Breaking the seal
will result in nausea, headache, and death from internal hemmoraging."
Special Properties:
Well, the special properties should be obvious from the warning label. Though
perhaps they forgot to mention that when the jar is heated, the lid expands
faster then the glass and breaks the seal (or something like that).
Hmm, I've just thought of a puzzle:
*** SPOILERS ***
This space intentionally left blank.
You toss the jar to the <insert monster name here>. It catches it easily, and
glances at the label. "Black Plague! Hah, you fool! I know all about the
Black Plague!" It rips the label off in disdain, neglecting to read the rest.
"I'm IMMUNE to internal hemmoraging!" The <insert monster name here>
confidently tosses the bottle into its huge jaws and crushes it.
>wait
A strange expression crosses the face of the <insert monster name here>.
"Oooh," it groans, "What a headache! I've got to go lie down!"
The <insert monster name here> leaves.
Also note that the warning label is still here, so you can maybe stick it on
another jar to fool somebody with.
Joe
-- Coming soon: "In the End", a work of Interactive Fiction --
-- More about the 1996 IF Contest at rec.arts.int-fiction --
þ CMPQwk 1.42 9550 þTwo most common elements: Hydrogen & Stupidity
Cardinal Teulbachs
>The good ship Lollypop
>> object description
>You wonder how on earth anyone managed to shrink the thing down to a
>carryable size, let alone where it came from.
>> special properties and things not obvious from the description
>If you "LISTEN TO SHIP" you can hear a tiny voice yelling, "Help! Get me
>out of here!" Shaking it will result in loud screams, followed by
>silence. If any way is found to shrink down to the ship's size or to
>increase the ship's size, the player will find either a) Shirley Temple or
>b) a greasy smear on one wall, depending on whether or not the ship was
>previously shaken.
This is just too damned bizarre. I love it.
Think I'll add a carrying handle, though, so it can be a lunchbox...
Cardinal Teulbachs
>> EAT FRUIT COCKTAIL
>Ohhhh, that sweet goodness. You sigh as the juicy chunks slide down
>your throat. A bit of juice dribbles down your chin. You feel refreshed
>and invigorated.
Excellent. I love fruit cocktail. Besides, it goes well with a certain
gelatinous food substance...
Cardinal Teulbachs
>: object description
>a small gray spray can
>: special properties and things not obvious from the description
>Any two objects which are sprayed with the contents and placed in contact
>_will not_ slide against each other, although the substance will not
>prevent them from being pulled apart.
A handy item. Thanks.
Cardinal Teulbachs
>Here's my entry; I hope it's not _too_ magical for you. But it's a real
>stinker. I _dare_ you to stick a working version in the game ;)
Now here's a person who knows how to get his/her stuff used. How can I
pass up such a direct challenge?
>name: your darklight
>Standing in a corner is that old darklight you brought back from the
>negative universe a couple of years ago. Looking for all the world like a
>normal flashlight it shines a beam of utter blackness when switched on,
>a negative radiance which obliterates almost every other light source.
I think I'll have to trim or modify the bit about the negative
universe; it won't fit with the player-character's actual history.
Also, it's better with an item like this to let the player discover
what it does, rather than tell him/her beforehand, so it'll probably
just end up:
Standing [or propped, maybe] in a corner is an old darklight.
>> EXAMINE DARKLIGHT
>It looks like any sturdy flashlight. It's made of some sort of white
>rubber which is comfortable to grip.
>The fact that you can see it implies that it is turned off...
>OR
>Although it appears to be switched on, you can see it, so it most not be
>working. Perhaps the batteries have gone fully charged...
>Special Properties: Should be obvious - it extinguishes all other light
>sources (except perhaps bright sunlight and similarly intense light, which
>it dims considerably instead).
Submitted for your approval/disapproval:
Since a normal flashlight doesn't illuminate everything, but only
whatever it's pointed at, how about I make the darklight operate
similarly?
>Additionally, it takes flat batteries,
>which it charges up until it they're fully charged and hence useless to
>the flashlight. Furthermore, it tastes of banana ice-cream (though you
>can't eat it).
C'mon, people. The stuff can be silly, but remember that I have to
justify it all. A banana-ice-cream-flavored darklight is too nearly
like a ballpoint pen made of lettuce for my taste (pun intended). I'm
going to drop that part.
My fault, really. You were only being silly, which is what I asked
for. It's just that the silliness has to be kept within bounds once a
certain storyline's been decided upon, and one has been. Of course,
you have no way of knowing what it is...
>I call it a flashlight here - although I prefer the noun 'torch' I don't
>know how well that goes in the non-native versions of the almighty English
>language.
"Torch" it shall be. We Americans can generally puzzle such things out
well enough (except for demijohns; we have a terrible time with
demijohns).
> I hope that's worthy of your attention, Cardinal,
Absolutely. A very fine object, indeed.
Julian Arnold
In article <4mh32g$8...@argentina.it.earthlink.net>, Cardinal Teulbachs
<mailto:card...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>
> Ok, I'm ready for silly objects now...
object name
a purple space-hopper
object description
Yowzers! You haven't seen one of these since the late 70's. It's all
pumped up and ready to go, the chunkily drawn monster face just
daring you to grab those horns, straddle the tough plastic globular
body, and bounce and bounce and bounce. It's enough to set your
thighs a-quivering in gleeful anticipation. And, it's purple too!
Bliss.
special properties and things not obvious from the description
Hey man, it bounces, what more do you want?
Jools
Dylan O'Donnell
I've brought the archive of locations from Round One up to date, inserted
appropriate From: headers, got rid of redundantly quoted text and sigs,
and generally tidied up. Any remaining omissions, please let me know.
http://www.vy.com/sillyrm.txt
And the archive of objects from Round Two is now under way, in similar
fashion:
http://www.vy.com/sillyobj.txt
No need to mail me omissions, since it might take a few days for a
submission to propagate to me anyway. Do point out inaccuracies, though.
Oh, and I suppose I'd better submit my own
>object name
>object description
>special properties and things not obvious from the description
You see a set of tap-dancing shoes here.
> x shoes
The six tap-dancing shoes are very very small, less than a millimetre
long, and red. They look as if they'd fit you perfectly.
> diagnose
You are a perfectly healthy worker ant.
> wear shoes
[taking the tap-dancing shoes]
You slip on the shoes. They feel comfortable, but a little awkward to walk
in.
> dance
You tap-dance briefly, making little noise on the soft earth.
Well, I know you're an ant at some stage. Tap-dancing in the shoes on a
hard surface will make a considerable noise (well, considerably louder
than an ant could normally make, anyway) - maybe this could be useful?
--
Dylan O'Donnell (dyl...@demon.net)
Demon Internet Ltd, slave deck.
A.k.a. Psmith (elsewhere). Badger? *urf*.
http://www.vy.com/psmith.html
Den of Iniquity
On Fri, 10 May 1996, Cardinal Teulbachs wrote:
> Since a normal flashlight doesn't illuminate everything, but only
> whatever it's pointed at, how about I make the darklight operate
> similarly?
Depends on the torch... In the presence of some total darkness there's
enough radiance from a normal beam to partly illuminate a whole room to a
greater or lesser extent. Unless nothing in the room is even remotely
reflective. In truth I just wanted to wreak havoc with the 'lighting'
code which litters any good text adventure creator. It is a very powerful
torch... Maybe I should have made it a lamp. Too late now, I s'pose.
I made it a torch originally because I intended to leave it turned on and
cover the illuminative end with the pope's white skullcap - but I thought
I'd be a god boy and restrict myself to one object.
> >Additionally, it takes flat batteries,
> >which it charges up until it they're fully charged and hence useless to
> >the flashlight. Furthermore, it tastes of banana ice-cream (though you
> >can't eat it).
>
> C'mon, people. The stuff can be silly, but remember that I have to
> justify it all. A banana-ice-cream-flavored darklight is too nearly
> like a ballpoint pen made of lettuce for my taste (pun intended). I'm
> going to drop that part.
The flat batteries stuff was just part of the negative universe stuff
(perhaps the torch was a souvenir that your aunt brought back from a
negative universe, instead?). As for the banana ice-cream, I'm _still_
lamenting the fact that the Baskin-Robbins shop in York closed down two
years ago. When writing silly things, I like to throw in 'Easter eggs' for
strange people - after all, who on this planet has ever looked at the
rusty old lamp in Generic Adventure II and typed "TASTE LAMP"? Perhaps
rubber tastes nice in a negative alternate reality...
Thanks for doing this whole thing (this is going to be very weird)
Den
Ross Raszewski
Fred Michael Sloniker wrote:
>
> Cardinal Teulbachs <card...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>
> >Announcing Round Two of Silly Game Elements
>
>
> A doovoo doll (of you)
>
> >object description
>
> Voodoo dolls, according to legend, allow one to inflict all sorts of
> horrible tortures on the person they resemble by inflicting them on
> the doll. A doovoo doll, on the other hand, is a lot more useful to
> the guy whose mug is Magic Markered on its face; any bad stuff that
> happens to *him* happens to the *doll* instead. At the moment, your
> face beams back at you, making you feel a lot more secure. The
> missing left arm reminds you of the close call with that chainsaw.
I hate to pick nits, but the proper spelling of the word is "voudoun"
Jeffrey F. Miller
Thanks to Shannon Kumar (*thanks!*) and her archive of these lovely little
pieces of silliness (http://www.vy.com/sillyobj.txt and
http://www.vy.com/sillyrm.txt), I was able to connect my entry ... somewhat. I
tend to write games as if I were playing them. I hope you don't mind the
format.
>script
Scripting on.
[snip]
[object name]
The Scrapplizer stands here, lord of all it surveys.
[I stole this last bit from Gareth's queen description in _Alice in
Wonderland_. A bit of interactive plagerism, if you don't mind.]
[object description]
>examine scrapplizer
The scrapplizer stands seven feet tall -- a mass of black metal, shimmering
blades, and twisting pipes. A crude etching of our favorite stuttering cartoon
pig stares blankly at the world from one side of this monster. Above a large
opening, "Scrapplize here" is written in what appears to be pig blood. A large
red button is just to the left of the orafice.
>i
You are carrying a darklight.
[special properties and things not obvious from the description]
>put darklight in opening
Done.
>press button
For a few awful seconds, there is nothing but silence. Then, as a panel
descends to cover the opening, a low hum seeps from the depths of the machine.
The panel seals the darklight inside. Almost immediately, you hear a nervous
grunting sound, continually growing louder and more lifelike, until it is
suddenly cut short by a high pitched squeal. Grinding, splattering, chopping,
and squelching -- *PING* -- the panel opens. Inside, you see a plate of freshly
made scrapple.
>get scrapplizer
The scrapplizer is far too heavy to lift, but in your attempt to do so, you
nudge the machine forward a few inches. Apparently, there are rollers of some
type underneath.
>look under machine
The scrapplizer sits a half an inch off the ground, supported by four rollers.
You also notice a dipswitch, currently set on "sc".
>examine switch
The dipswitch has two settings: "sc" and "de".
>flip switch
The dipswitch is now set to "de".
>examine machine
The scrapplizer stands seven feet tall -- a mass of black metal, shimmering
blades, and twisting pipes. A crude etching of our favorite stuttering cartoon
pig stares blankly at the world from one side of this monster. Above a large
opening, "Descrapplize here" is written in what appears to be pig blood. A
large red button is just to the left of the orafice.
The opening contains a plate of freshly made scrapple.
>press button
For a few awful seconds, there is nothing but silence. Then, as a panel
descends to cover the opening, a low hum seeps from the depths of the machine.
The panel seals the plate of freshly made scrapple inside. Almost immediately,
you hear a whirring sound, followed by an excited grunting, which is suddenly
cut short by a surprised snort. The panel opens. Inside, you see a darklight.
>push machine n
You push the machine to the north.
Scrapple Factory
>flip switch
The switch is now set to sc.
>enter machine
You hesitate for a moment and then crawl into the dark orafice.
>press button
You press the button and quickly bring your hand back inside. For a few awful
seconds, there is nothing but silence. Then, the panel closes, sealing you off
from the outside world. In the darkness, you hear a low hum. Your body begins
to convulse. The compartment echos with nervous grunting, the source of which
you determine to be your own snout. Pain shoots through your body as you
scream ....
Everything goes black.
You awaken, feeling somewhat different.
>diagnose
You are a freshly made plate of scrapple.
>unscript
Scripting off.
Might being a plate of scrapple useful? Might the descrapplizer work on bacon
and other pork products from "Amongst the Sausage Trees"? If the machine falls
from a great height, what might be found inside? I leave these and other
unanswered enigmas of The Scrapplizer to you, oh holy and all-knowing Cardinal
of silliness..
Jeff Miller
jeff...@ix.netcom.com
Dylan O'Donnell
jeff...@ix.netcom.com (Jeffrey F. Miller) wrote:
>Thanks to Shannon Kumar (*thanks!*) and her archive of these lovely little
>pieces of silliness (http://www.vy.com/sillyobj.txt and
>http://www.vy.com/sillyrm.txt), I was able to connect my entry ... somewhat. I
>tend to write games as if I were playing them. I hope you don't mind the
>format.
<grin> It's my archive, actually. Shannon (my girlfriend) just owns the
account it lives in. Cardinal, any chance of your letting me have the
rogue submissions that were mailed directly to you instead of being
posted, for completeness? I seem to remember your mentioning wooden dowels
at some point, and I _know_ I didn't see anything with them posted...
Jeffrey F. Miller
jeff...@ix.netcom.com (Jeffrey F. Miller) wrote:
>Thanks to Shannon Kumar (*thanks!*) and her archive of these lovely little
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>pieces of silliness (http://www.vy.com/sillyobj.txt and
>http://www.vy.com/sillyrm.txt), I was able to connect my entry ... somewhat.
Soooooo very sorry. That should be Dylan O'Donnell's site. Me and my web
browser ... sheesh.
Jeff Miller
jeff...@ix.netcom.com
John Elliott
Well, when I created the Limousine, I put a letter inside it, so
I'd better describe that.
In article <4mh32g$8...@argentina.it.earthlink.net>, Cardinal Teulbachs (card...@earthlink.net) wrote:
: object name
The envelope
: object description
It is an envelope addressed to the Editor of the Daily Chronicle. The stamp
carries a picture of the King; his eyes follow you as you move the envelope,
and it looks as if he's smirking as well.
: special properties and things not obvious from the description
>OPEN ENVELOPE
Unsurprisingly, inside the envelope is a letter.
>READ LETTER
That's odd... Although the envelope was addressed to the Editor of the
Daily Chronicle, the letter is to a local plumber demanding that he unblock a
blocked drain. It is written on very expensive and utterly repulsive purple
paper. The signature is illegible.
>BURN LETTER (or burn the envelope, or expose either to naked flame)
WHOOMMMPH!! It bursts into a huge fireball and in a few moments is reduced
to ash. Whoever wrote it must have soaked it in something very combustible.
-------------------- http://users.ox.ac.uk/~sjoh0132/ ---------------------
John Elliott |BLOODNOK: "But why have you got such a long face?"
|SEAGOON: "Heavy dentures, Sir!" - The Goon Show
:-------------------------------------------------------------------------)
Admiral Jota
dyl...@demon.net (Dylan O'Donnell) writes:
>You see a set of tap-dancing shoes here.
>> x shoes
>The six tap-dancing shoes are very very small, less than a millimetre
>long, and red. They look as if they'd fit you perfectly.
[Discussion about the usefulness of an ant wearing tap shoes deleted]
Perhaps you get the shoes from Shirley Temple, in the Good Ship Lollipop? :)
--
/<-= -=-=- -= Admiral Jota =- -=-=- =->\
__/><-=- http://www.tiac.net/users/jota/ =-><\__
\><-= jo...@mv.mv.com -- Finger for PGP =-></
\<-=- -= -=- -= -==- =- -=- =- -=->/
Admiral Jota
[name]
Can of Cola
[desc]
An aluminum can, emblazoned with the various trademarks of Generic Cola
Incorporated. It appears to have never been opened. <If the player is
carrying it, add this:> By the weight of the can, it would seem to be full.
[special features]
If shaken once, it will spray soda all over the next person who opens it
-- unless the player waits 15 turns, in which case it will go half-flat.
The player can shake it a second time, after which it will go completely
flat when it wears off. Any more shaking will have no effect.
If the player shakes the can while it's already shaken up, it will
explode violently.
The empty can can be used to carry liquids -- and it may even be possible
to trick an NPC into believe it contains Pepsi, while in reality you've
filled it with, say, Scrapple.
OK, so it's not as silly as most of the objects, but it's certainly
useful... :)
Aquarius
Dylan O'Donnell (dyl...@demon.net) wrote:
: You see a set of tap-dancing shoes here.
: > x shoes
: The six tap-dancing shoes are very very small, less than a millimetre
: long, and red. They look as if they'd fit you perfectly.
Interestingly, what happens if you click the heels together and think
'There's no place like home'? :)
Fred Michael Sloniker
Ross Raszewski <rras...@skipjack.bluecrab.org> wrote, in reply to my
suggestion for a silly object (Hey, Cardinal, did you see it?):
>I hate to pick nits, but the proper spelling of the word is "voudoun"
Fine, call it a nuoduov doll. Doesn't really matter to me. But the
average semi-literate American 'man on the net' is more likely to
recognize 'voodoo' than 'voudoun'. Besides, this is such a silly
object in the first place (I mean, I can't think of too many serious
practicioners of the art who would claim they could make your arm go
up and down by wiggling the doll's arm, eh?) that being a stickler for
factual accuracy doesn't really win you any points.
I'm only really replying to this post because I'm not sure Cardinal
*saw* my 'doovoo doll' suggestion; I haven't heard any reply to it
other than this one, while he's been careful to personally acknowledge
almost all of the other suggestions.
---Fred M. Sloniker, stressed undergrad
L. Lazuli R'kamos, FurryMUCKer
laz...@u.washington.edu
"It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes
of gambling... Hey, you guys, knock it off!" --Police Chief Wiggum
Dylan O'Donnell
Aquarius <S.I.La...@durham.ac.uk> wrote:
>Dylan O'Donnell (dyl...@demon.net) wrote:
>: You see a set of tap-dancing shoes here.
>: > x shoes
>: The six tap-dancing shoes are very very small, less than a millimetre
>: long, and red. They look as if they'd fit you perfectly.
>Interestingly, what happens if you click the heels together and think
>'There's no place like home'? :)
<grin> I did actually include a transcript of that, but remembered what
the Cardinal said about "no magic" and deleted it. Mind you, what with
darklights and whatever, I can't see this game scoring _too_ high on
realism...
Larry Smith
Cardinal Teulbachs wrote:
> Since a normal flashlight doesn't illuminate everything, but only
> whatever it's pointed at, how about I make the darklight operate
> similarly?
I would presume it to be an omni-directional lantern rather than
a flashlight per se, this would be easier to implement. Of course,
the player should be eaten by a grue if he turns it on for more than
a round or two. Unless he had black-light specs or something.
If you are _really_ into self-abuse, I would presume it would throw
a cone of darkness that would obscure whatever it was pointed it.
> >Additionally, it takes flat batteries,
> >which it charges up until it they're fully charged and hence useless to
> >the flashlight. Furthermore, it tastes of banana ice-cream (though you
> >can't eat it).
>
> C'mon, people. The stuff can be silly, but remember that I have to
> justify it all. A banana-ice-cream-flavored darklight is too nearly
> like a ballpoint pen made of lettuce for my taste (pun intended). I'm
> going to drop that part.
No, no, it follows the logic. The idea of it is based on the "black
flame" from Larry Niven's "Dream Park", the fire that burns black and
feeds on ashes leaving branches of wood behind as it burns. It's icy
cold to the touch, causing instant burning frostbite. These things
are energy-suckers, a darkflash is sucking energy from where the beam
goes, so it _has_ to put the energy _somewhere_. Now the question is,
what part of the adventure will require the use of a dark light, and
what _other_ part will require fresh batteries?
> "Torch" it shall be. We Americans can generally puzzle such things out
> well enough (except for demijohns; we have a terrible time with
> demijohns).
demijohn: A partial toilet?
Trevor Barrie
Den of Iniquity <dms...@york.ac.uk> wrote:
>When writing silly things, I like to throw in 'Easter eggs' for
>strange people - after all, who on this planet has ever looked at the
>rusty old lamp in Generic Adventure II and typed "TASTE LAMP"?
I haven't, but I _did_ eat the lamp in Unkulia I...
Matthew Daly
In article <4mtl08$n...@ecuador.it.earthlink.net> card...@earthlink.net (Cardinal Teulbachs) writes:
>
>>I call it a flashlight here - although I prefer the noun 'torch' I don't
>>know how well that goes in the non-native versions of the almighty English
>>language.
>
>well enough (except for demijohns; we have a terrible time with
>demijohns).
The problem with "torch" is that it doesn't convey the opposite nature
of the object that "darklight" does. I'd nominate "hcrot", but there
are already enough reverse-word items floating around, I should think.
This entire conversation reminds me of the Danger Mouse episode where
Penfold came across an unusual torch that briefly illustrated darklight
properties. (Well, not exactly. He was shining his darklight on the
floor and someone offscreen putted a golf ball into the blackness,
which had become a hole. Flicking the torch's switch again turned
him invisible, and everything went dark when he did it again.)
-Matthew Daly
George Jenner
In article <4mh32g$8...@argentina.it.earthlink.net>, Cardinal Teulbachs
(card...@earthlink.net) wrote:
: object name
Freedom
: object description
Freedom lies on the floor just where you left if. But it seems to have
swallowed innocence in the interval since your last passing, making it
more tenuous than ever. It sits smouldering, a blob of dry-ice fog.
You think you can touch it, but it seems undisturbed as your hand passes
through.
Geo.
Paul Trauth
Ross Raszewski (rras...@skipjack.bluecrab.org) wrote:
: Fred Michael Sloniker wrote:
: > Voodoo dolls, according to legend, allow one to inflict all sorts of
: > horrible tortures on the person they resemble by inflicting them on
: > the doll. A doovoo doll, on the other hand, is a lot more useful to
: > the guy whose mug is Magic Markered on its face; any bad stuff that
: > happens to *him* happens to the *doll* instead. At the moment, your
: > face beams back at you, making you feel a lot more secure. The
: > missing left arm reminds you of the close call with that chainsaw.
:
: I hate to pick nits, but the proper spelling of the word is "voudoun"
On the other hand, here in New Orleans, always a place steeped in dat voodoo
thang, we have the Voodoo Museum. So spell it however.
(I suspect this might be one of those spelling things akin to 'magic',
'majik', 'magick', and the other ways folks distinguish 'real' magic from
what Penn and Teller do.)
Besides, "douvoun" doesn't have the same ring as "doovoo", does it?
--
"But I don't want no tea. It gives me a headache." - Pete Puma
paul trauth: cartoonist, animator, programmer, raccoon. rac...@gs.net
Bryan Hollebone
In article <4n9nhv$4...@argentina.it.earthlink.net>,
Cardinal Teulbachs <card...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>
>Besides, the superfluous banana-flavor bit only detracts from the
>brilliance (no pun intended) of the darklight as an i-f game object.
>
Surely, for consistency that darklight should be scraple-flavoured.
I would also settle for beef hash or SPAM(tm) flavoured rubber, but
clearly the (anti-)torch should taste of meat by-products.
BPH
Magnus Olsson
In article <4n9edl$3...@spike.palmer.com>, Paul Trauth <rac...@gs.net> wrote:
>Ross Raszewski (rras...@skipjack.bluecrab.org) wrote:
>: Fred Michael Sloniker wrote:
>
>: > Voodoo dolls, according to legend, allow one to inflict all sorts of
>
>On the other hand, here in New Orleans, always a place steeped in dat voodoo
>thang, we have the Voodoo Museum. So spell it however.
>
>(I suspect this might be one of those spelling things akin to 'magic',
>'majik', 'magick', and the other ways folks distinguish 'real' magic from
>what Penn and Teller do.)
I think "voodoo" is a corruption coined by ignorant outsiders who
wrote down what they thought they heard.
If you're talking about the real-world religion, you should probably
use the correct spelling since the spelling "voodoo" has all sorts of
connotations of black magic, zombies, bloody sacrifices and evil
witchdoctors (AFAIK, magic, zombies and sacrifices do have their
places in the Voudoun religion, but not in quite the same way as in
the popular Holloywood image of "voodoo").
On the other hand, the stereotypical "voodoo doll" is part of the
Hollywood image of "voodoo", not of the real religinon (any practising
voudou believers should correct me if I'm wrong). The very image of
the doll is a travesty of the religion, so why not use the incorrect
spelling as well?
>Besides, "douvoun" doesn't have the same ring as "doovoo", does it?
Indeed.
--
Magnus Olsson (m...@df.lth.se)
Cardinal Teulbachs
bout...@razor.wcc.govt.nz wrote:
>>>: object name
>>
>Small blue thing
>>
>>>: object description
>This is a small blue thing, made of china, made of glass. It is smooth against
>your skin, it is curiously round. It is watching you.
>>>: special properties and things not obvious from description
>Can be made to watch other things (tvs, people etc) to various effects.
>apologies to Suzanne Vega :)
Geez, it's pretty bad when the author-to-be doesn't even know what the
hell the thing is :) Maybe it's Suzanne's glass eye...
Thanks
Cardinal Teulbachs
jeff...@ix.netcom.com (Jeffrey F. Miller) wrote:
>>script
>Scripting on.
>[snip]
>[object name]
>The Scrapplizer stands here, lord of all it surveys.
> [I stole this last bit from Gareth's queen description in _Alice in
>Wonderland_. A bit of interactive plagerism, if you don't mind.]
>[object description]
>>examine scrapplizer
>The scrapplizer stands seven feet tall -- a mass of black metal, shimmering
>blades, and twisting pipes. A crude etching of our favorite stuttering cartoon
>pig stares blankly at the world from one side of this monster. Above a large
>opening, "Scrapplize here" is written in what appears to be pig blood. A large
>red button is just to the left of the orafice.
Alright, Jeff. I may find some use for the scrapplizer, but there's no
way I'm turning the player into a plate of scrapple. Huh uh, no, no
way, not gonna happen. I have far more respect for the player than
that. Now, a can of scrapple, maybe, but a dirty, disgusting, naked
old plate of scrapple? Never.
Cardinal Teulbachs
jo...@laraby.tiac.net (Admiral Jota) wrote:
>[name]
>Can of Cola
>[desc]
>An aluminum can, emblazoned with the various trademarks of Generic Cola
>Incorporated. It appears to have never been opened. <If the player is
>carrying it, add this:> By the weight of the can, it would seem to be full.
>[special features]
>If shaken once, it will spray soda all over the next person who opens it
>-- unless the player waits 15 turns, in which case it will go half-flat.
>The player can shake it a second time, after which it will go completely
>flat when it wears off. Any more shaking will have no effect.
>If the player shakes the can while it's already shaken up, it will
>explode violently.
>The empty can can be used to carry liquids -- and it may even be possible
>to trick an NPC into believe it contains Pepsi, while in reality you've
>filled it with, say, Scrapple.
You guys and your Scrapple. Ok, the can stays, but only because I like
the Generic trademarks bit so much :)
Cardinal Teulbachs
>>some restrictions on contributions this time that weren't required for
>>the first round.
>
>Poor man (can women be cardinal?). Have the past few days been hard on you?
>I'll keep it simpel and usefull this time.
>
>>object name
>
>A towel
>
>>object description
>
>This is not one of these magical towels that will get you lifts across
>the galaxy, ward off evil monsters, feed you when you're hungry or
>even help you make you dry. It's just an ordinary election-day gift
>towel with Branko Collin's face on it and the faded message: "Vote Branko".
>
>>special properties and things not obvious from the description
>
>=DRY MYSELF WITH TOWEL
>
>The towel is too moist to make you dry. The effect is rather the reverse.
>
>=??? TOWEL (??? = an activity of which I don't know the english word, but
>it's the activity of taking a wet cloth by two ends and twisting it until
>all fluids have left it. IOW, the towel first looks like ===== and during
>the twisting like oooooo).
>
>No fluids seem to be able to escape. The towel is still wet.
As a reward for your shameless self-promotion, I'm going to keep your
face on the towel. Of course, that may necessitate a Branko Collins
NPC...I hope you won't mind :)
Cardinal Teulbachs
>> whatever it's pointed at, how about I make the darklight operate
>> similarly?
>Depends on the torch... In the presence of some total darkness there's
>enough radiance from a normal beam to partly illuminate a whole room to a
>greater or lesser extent. Unless nothing in the room is even remotely
>reflective.
This occurred to me as well, but I'm not going to make the mistake of
trying to code a real physics model into a text adventure game, mostly
because I've tried that before and the result wasn't pretty. Moreover,
once you do that, whether you're successful at it or not, the player
begins to expect things and is then in the position of criticizing you
for not coding in a raytracing algorithm to determine whether that ant
in the corner should have been revealed by the ambient light from the
torch or not. Better to stay in the world of the cartoon, where things
just are what they are for the sake of the gag.
>In truth I just wanted to wreak havoc with the 'lighting'
>code which litters any good text adventure creator.
I figured as much. In fact, though, the lighting part isn't so big a
problem. That's a simple on/off, in-scope/out-of-scope affair. The
problem will be in trying to explain to the player why that thing he
has de-illuminated with the darklight is now inaccessible to him.
After all, in most cases he'll know that whatever's there is there,
even if he can't see it at the moment. On the other hand, this is a
silly game, and putting things de-illuminated with the darklight out
of scope is an admirably silly effect, so I like it.
>It is a very powerful
>torch... Maybe I should have made it a lamp. Too late now, I s'pose.
>I made it a torch originally because I intended to leave it turned on and
>cover the illuminative end with the pope's white skullcap - but I thought
>I'd be a god boy and restrict myself to one object.
Now, now. The pope needs that skullcap. It's a +5 blessed artifact
with magical armor qualities.
>The flat batteries stuff was just part of the negative universe stuff
>(perhaps the torch was a souvenir that your aunt brought back from a
>negative universe, instead?). As for the banana ice-cream, I'm _still_
>lamenting the fact that the Baskin-Robbins shop in York closed down two
>years ago. When writing silly things, I like to throw in 'Easter eggs' for
>strange people - after all, who on this planet has ever looked at the
>rusty old lamp in Generic Adventure II and typed "TASTE LAMP"? Perhaps
>rubber tastes nice in a negative alternate reality...
Right. I understand completely why you submitted it that way, but the
problem is (from my perspective) that I want the game to have some
sort of coherence. Otherwise, it will not be a game at all but just an
exercise in moving from curiosity to curiosity, like a tour of the
freak tent at a carnival. The game must, then, have a plotline, and
not everything under the sun can be fit into a given plot--even a
silly one. So I'm lopping off the minor parts that won't fit in order
to save the major parts.
Besides, the superfluous banana-flavor bit only detracts from the
brilliance (no pun intended) of the darklight as an i-f game object.
> Thanks for doing this whole thing (this is going to be very weird)
You're welcome, and yes, you're right :)
Cardinal Teulbachs
dyl...@demon.net (Dylan O'Donnell) wrote:
>>object name
>>object description
>>special properties and things not obvious from the description
>You see a set of tap-dancing shoes here.
>> x shoes
>The six tap-dancing shoes are very very small, less than a millimetre
>long, and red. They look as if they'd fit you perfectly.
>> diagnose
>You are a perfectly healthy worker ant.
>> wear shoes
>[taking the tap-dancing shoes]
>You slip on the shoes. They feel comfortable, but a little awkward to walk
>in.
>> dance
>You tap-dance briefly, making little noise on the soft earth.
>Well, I know you're an ant at some stage. Tap-dancing in the shoes on a
>hard surface will make a considerable noise (well, considerably louder
>than an ant could normally make, anyway) - maybe this could be useful?
I don't know about useful, but it's definitely funny. Thanks.
Cardinal Teulbachs
Aquarius <S.I.La...@durham.ac.uk> wrote:
>Dylan O'Donnell (dyl...@demon.net) wrote:
>: You see a set of tap-dancing shoes here.
>: > x shoes
>: The six tap-dancing shoes are very very small, less than a millimetre
>: long, and red. They look as if they'd fit you perfectly.
>Interestingly, what happens if you click the heels together and think
>'There's no place like home'? :)
Even more interestingly, you now know a spoiler. Don't tell :)
Cardinal Teulbachs
laz...@u.washington.edu (Fred Michael Sloniker) wrote:
>Ross Raszewski <rras...@skipjack.bluecrab.org> wrote, in reply to my
>suggestion for a silly object (Hey, Cardinal, did you see it?):
>I'm only really replying to this post because I'm not sure Cardinal
>*saw* my 'doovoo doll' suggestion; I haven't heard any reply to it
>other than this one, while he's been careful to personally acknowledge
>almost all of the other suggestions.
You're right. I can't find it and I'm searching frantically. Could you
or someone please repost it (or email me), since it's definitely
something that's going into the game.
Thanks mucho,
Cardinal Teulbachs
ell...@teaching.physics.ox.ac.uk (John Elliott) wrote:
> Well, when I created the Limousine, I put a letter inside it, so
>I'd better describe that.
Unfortunately, the Limousine didn't make the cut--not because there
was anything wrong with it, but because I had to have a cutoff date
and this one fell beyond it. I'll make sure to find a place for the
envelope, however.
Cardinal Teulbachs
Aquarius <S.I.La...@durham.ac.uk> wrote:
>Cardinal Teulbachs (card...@earthlink.net) wrote:
>: object name
>Bacon Tree
> (in keeping with the meat nature of the game)
>: object description
>This is a small tree, akin to bonsai trees, with timy rashers of bacon
>hanging from the branches.
>: special properties and things not obvious from the description
>If you keep it too long, the Bacon Tree Aveging Ninjas leap out from
>behind something and get you (maybe it shouldn't be a bacon tree, but a
>ham bush <groan> :)
Now *this* is weird. Give me a different kind of meat, though.
Whizzard already covered bacon, sausage, and something else I can't
think of at the moment with his Amongst the Sausage Trees location.
And don't say Scrapple, either...
Cardinal Teulbachs
lps...@rice.edu (Lucian Paul Smith) wrote:
>: object name
>"Life" Grid
>>x panel
>The gray panel contains a five-by-five grid of squares, with a small
>round indentations in each. The columns are labelled 1 through 5, and
>the rows are labelled A through E. There is a red button on the
>bottom, labelled "cycle". The top of the grid is labelled "The Game of
>Life." Doesn't look like anything by Parker Brothers, though.
Good object. I'll see what I can do with it.
Cardinal Teulbachs
Julian Arnold <jo...@arnod.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>object name
> a purple space-hopper
>object description
> Yowzers! You haven't seen one of these since the late 70's. It's all
> pumped up and ready to go, the chunkily drawn monster face just
> daring you to grab those horns, straddle the tough plastic globular
> body, and bounce and bounce and bounce. It's enough to set your
> thighs a-quivering in gleeful anticipation. And, it's purple too!
> Bliss.
>special properties and things not obvious from the description
> Hey man, it bounces, what more do you want?
Ok, you really wanna know? I want it to be Barney and I want the
player to have this rocket launcher, see...
Cardinal Teulbachs
bhol...@superior.carleton.ca (Bryan Hollebone) wrote:
>In article <4n9nhv$4...@argentina.it.earthlink.net>,
>Cardinal Teulbachs <card...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>>
>>Besides, the superfluous banana-flavor bit only detracts from the
>>brilliance (no pun intended) of the darklight as an i-f game object.
>>
>Surely, for consistency that darklight should be scraple-flavoured.
>I would also settle for beef hash or SPAM(tm) flavoured rubber, but
>clearly the (anti-)torch should taste of meat by-products.
Well, since some people think Spam tastes like rubber anyway, perhaps
turnabout is fair play. I may have to rethink my position on this...
Cardinal Teulbachs
Larry Smith <l...@zk3.dec.com> wrote:
>> C'mon, people. The stuff can be silly, but remember that I have to
>> justify it all. A banana-ice-cream-flavored darklight is too nearly
>> like a ballpoint pen made of lettuce for my taste (pun intended). I'm
>> going to drop that part.
>No, no, it follows the logic. The idea of it is based on the "black
>flame" from Larry Niven's "Dream Park", the fire that burns black and
>feeds on ashes leaving branches of wood behind as it burns. It's icy
>cold to the touch, causing instant burning frostbite. These things
>are energy-suckers, a darkflash is sucking energy from where the beam
>goes, so it _has_ to put the energy _somewhere_. Now the question is,
>what part of the adventure will require the use of a dark light, and
>what _other_ part will require fresh batteries?
You lost me. How is the banana flavoring of the darklight like the
black flame? The absorbed energy is being converted into banana flavor
or something? If so, I'm afraid this is far too silly for such a silly
game.
Incidentally, the black flame sounds a lot like an object I created
awhile back for a now-dead game. It was an inverse saw that started
out rusty and dull, but when applied to the space above a tree stump
restored both the tree and the saw's sharpness. (There was also an
inverse square that could turn regular linoleum floor tile into vinyl
lp records, but only after the tile was first measured with an inverse
rule--an inverse square rule, get it?).
>> "Torch" it shall be. We Americans can generally puzzle such things out
>> well enough (except for demijohns; we have a terrible time with
>> demijohns).
>demijohn: A partial toilet?
No, that's a semijohn. A demijohn is a Hugh Grant impersonator.
Cardinal Teulbachs
dyl...@demon.net (Dylan O'Donnell) wrote:
>>Interestingly, what happens if you click the heels together and think
>>'There's no place like home'? :)
><grin> I did actually include a transcript of that, but remembered what
>the Cardinal said about "no magic" and deleted it. Mind you, what with
>darklights and whatever, I can't see this game scoring _too_ high on
>realism...
Are you kidding? This game is going to be the most grittily realistic
glimpse into the dark underbelly of human existence since Rocky and
Bullwinkle, thank you very much.
I should have been clearer about the "no magic" rule. What I didn't
want were things that required spells in order to operate. The tap
shoes are fine. In fact, the heel-clicking part, though not the shoes,
was already in the game before anyone here mentioned it. Silly minds
think alike, I guess.
Cardinal Teulbachs
rac...@gs.net (Paul Trauth) wrote:
>Ross Raszewski (rras...@skipjack.bluecrab.org) wrote:
>: Fred Michael Sloniker wrote:
>: > Voodoo dolls, according to legend, allow one to inflict all sorts of
>: > horrible tortures on the person they resemble by inflicting them on
>: > the doll. A doovoo doll, on the other hand, is a lot more useful to
>: > the guy whose mug is Magic Markered on its face; any bad stuff that
>: > happens to *him* happens to the *doll* instead. At the moment, your
>: > face beams back at you, making you feel a lot more secure. The
>: > missing left arm reminds you of the close call with that chainsaw.
>:
>: I hate to pick nits, but the proper spelling of the word is "voudoun"
>On the other hand, here in New Orleans, always a place steeped in dat voodoo
>thang, we have the Voodoo Museum. So spell it however.
You beat me to the punch. I was going to point out that the whole
voodoo thing came to America via the pidgin-French-speaking Cajun
population of the Deep South, so "voodoo" is really more
appropriate--for us Americans, anyhow. Besides, it sounds much
sillier.
Kenneth Fair
In article <4naes0$6...@guyana.it.earthlink.net>, card...@earthlink.net
(Cardinal Teulbachs) wrote:
>Larry Smith <l...@zk3.dec.com> wrote:
>>demijohn: A partial toilet?
>
>No, that's a semijohn. A demijohn is a Hugh Grant impersonator.
So what is a semihemidemijohn?
(I suspect it's just me whistling past the graveyard.)
--
KEN FAIR - U. Chicago Law | <http://student-www.uchicago.edu/users/kjfair>
Of Counsel, U. of Ediacara | Power Mac! | CABAL(tm) | I'm w/in McQ - R U?
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no
choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
Trevor Barrie
card...@earthlink.net (Cardinal Teulbachs) wrote:
>I figured as much. In fact, though, the lighting part isn't so big a
>problem. That's a simple on/off, in-scope/out-of-scope affair. The
>problem will be in trying to explain to the player why that thing he
>has de-illuminated with the darklight is now inaccessible to him.
What language are you using? If you're planning on working in TADS,
you might want to consider going to WorldClass... its' builtin
sense-handling abilities should make it farily simple to set it up
such that the object can't be seen but can still be touched, taken,
etc.
Den of Iniquity
On 14 May 1996, Bryan Hollebone wrote:
> Surely, for consistency that darklight should be scraple-flavoured.
> I would also settle for beef hash or SPAM(tm) flavoured rubber, but
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"I would also settle"??? Hold on! Who invented this damned thing? Me or
you? I will be severely displeasured if the dark-light comes out tasting
of scrapple. For one thing (although I can smugly state that nobody can
get past me with a demijohn) I can't confess to being fully cognisant
with the whole scrapple concept. The descriptions so far put down give me
the impression that it involves putting pigs in at one end of some
machinery and scrapple out of the other but beyond that I am ignorantly
blissful. Or something like that.
I don't like spam(TM) though it did inspire a great Monty Python(TM)
sketch...
If anyone is feeling vicious, they could make their NPC a small pig which
thinks it is a sheepdog.
Look after your pigs, folks, don't let them near any raif-ers...
Iniquity
Aquarius
Cardinal Teulbachs (card...@earthlink.net) wrote:
: Aquarius <S.I.La...@durham.ac.uk> wrote:
: >Bacon Tree
: > (in keeping with the meat nature of the game)
: >This is a small tree, akin to bonsai trees, with timy rashers of bacon
: >hanging from the branches.
: >If you keep it too long, the Bacon Tree Aveging Ninjas leap out from
: >behind something and get you (maybe it shouldn't be a bacon tree, but a
: >ham bush <groan> :)
: Now *this* is weird. Give me a different kind of meat, though.
: Whizzard already covered bacon, sausage, and something else I can't
: think of at the moment with his Amongst the Sausage Trees location.
: And don't say Scrapple, either...
Well, you can pick any meat you like, old boy. However, if you stop it
being a bacon tree, I can't do the truly great ham-bush joke. :) I have
no objections....a pork tree, perhaps?
--
"The grand plan that is Aquarius proceeds apace." - 'Ronin', Frank Miller.
s.i.la...@durham.ac.uk | http://www.dur.ac.uk/~d4f8bu/ | Mail for PGP key
"I do believe in God. And the only think that scares me is Kaiser Sosek."-TUS
bonni mierzejewska
>--Cardinal T
>
> I mean, what the hell kind of villain thwarts the hero's
> progress with soup cans in the kitchen pantry?
> --Russ Bryan
>
> Cardinal, I follow up your post in the hopes that some
> day I too will be quoted in your sig.
> --Matthew Amster-Burton
Hey Cardinal, can I have a line in your sig too? I mean, you wouldn't
want to be accused of *sexism*, would you, by only quoting men. :;->
bonni
coming soon - 1996 IF Competition entry
__ __
IC | XC | bonni mierzejewska "The Lone Quilter"
---+--- | u6...@wvnvm.wvnet.edu
NI | KA | Kelly's Creek Homestead, Maidsville, WV
Paul Trauth
Oh, and here's my Silly Object. Hope it's not too late. (think it is--)
I was trying to go to sleep last night, idly thinking about Silly Objects,
when this sucker popped into my head:
A bronze head is sitting on the floor.
> EXAMINE HEAD
A life-size bronze sculpture of a disembodied head. The head includes an odd
wide-brimmed hat, curly, flowing locks, a full moustache and a small, pointy
beard. Unlike most sculpted heads, which include shoulders, this is simply a
head - the neck goes straight into an integrated flat base, shaped like a
pentagon. There is a small plaque on the front of the base, with tiny raised
letters.
> READ PLAQUE
After much squinting and straining, you are able to make out the words
Francis Bacon
1561-1626
There is more writing, but it's too fine to make out with the naked eye.
> DIAGNOSE
You are a perfectly healthy adventurer.
The unobvious powers of the Bronze Head are left to the Cardinal's imagination.
I just thought that a sculpture of Roger Bacon fit in perfectly with the
established theme of Meat Products that this game has somehow evolved.
Larry Smith
> You lost me. How is the banana flavoring of the darklight like the
> black flame? The absorbed energy is being converted into banana flavor
> or something? If so, I'm afraid this is far too silly for such a silly
> game.
Were you only referring to the banana flavor? I thought that was
just a off-hand remark, not a serious proposal for a silly object.
I thought you were objecting to the battery-charging bit. Never
mind. =)
Roger Giner-Sorolla
Actually, "voudoun" is the French spelling. Most practicioners of the
religion speak Creole (Kreyol), the language of the Haitian common
people, and in this language it is spelled Vodu, with a circumflex (^)
over the u.
In any case, "voodoo doll" at leasts alerts the reader that the object is
based only on the popular stereotype of Vodu.
Roger Giner-Sorolla New York University, New York, NY
gi...@xp.psych.nyu.edu Dept. of Psychology (Social/Personality)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This scholar, rake, Christian, dupe, gamester, and poet.
David Garrick, "Jupiter and Mercury"
Larry Smith
>No, that's a semijohn. A demijohn is a Hugh Grant impersonator.
If he does it again, is that a Demi Moore?
Julian Arnold
In article <Pine.SUN.3.91.960516...@xp.psych.nyu.edu>,
Roger Giner-Sorolla <mailto:gi...@xp.psych.nyu.edu> wrote:
>
> Actually, "voudoun" is the French spelling. Most practicioners of the
> religion speak Creole (Kreyol), the language of the Haitian common
> people, and in this language it is spelled Vodu, with a circumflex (^)
> over the u.
>
> In any case, "voodoo doll" at leasts alerts the reader that the object is
> based only on the popular stereotype of Vodu.
<weep> Please stop it everyone. Just call it voodoo. Everyone knows what
voodoo is. I, for one, won't know what's going on if it's called voudoun or
vodu, and then I'll go mad and you wouldn't want that on your conscience,
would you? :(
-- Jools (spelt "Geoulles" by certain practitioners of unnecessary pedantics
and missplaced cleverness)
Cardinal Teulbachs
tba...@cycor.ca (Trevor Barrie) wrote:
It's not a matter of the language. Putting the thing out of scope is
the gag, at least as I conceive it. I don't see much fun in just
making something invisible; I'd rather have it make the thing go away
completely for as long as the "light" is shining on it. Given that, I
suppose my comment doesn't make much sense. An item like this doesn't
need any explanation; it just is.
--Cardinal T
I mean, what the hell kind of villain thwarts the hero's
progress with soup cans in the kitchen pantry?
--Russ Bryan
Cardinal, I follow up your post in the hopes that some
day I too will be quoted in your sig.
--Matthew Amster-Burton
Hey! This isn't what I said! What'd you do with my
quote?
--Bonni Mierzejewska
Cardinal Teulbachs
geo...@TeleMatique.org (George Jenner) wrote:
>: object name
>Freedom
>: object description
>Freedom lies on the floor just where you left if. But it seems to have
>swallowed innocence in the interval since your last passing, making it
>more tenuous than ever. It sits smouldering, a blob of dry-ice fog.
>You think you can touch it, but it seems undisturbed as your hand passes
>through.
Gaaah! Did you backdate your post to beat the deadline or something?
Please say you did. I don't want this one! I don't want it! I don't! I
don't!
Oh, alright.