The Art Joke I got for Yule
NightMist
And it is bad, very bad.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
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(scroll for the punchline)
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2
One to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly
colored machine tools.
Barbara
perhaps that is inspiration for a portrait of the joke teller....
--
"To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge
it, requires brains." -Mary Pettibone Poole
GustyWinds
The following post may present language used in a suggestive or punny
method that may not be deemed enjoyable by all readers. You'll just
have to decide for yourself if the language used is suitable or if the
joke posted below satisfies your expectations, your assumptions. It's
not that "NightMist's" joke isn't funny <wink!> because, as you shall
soon see, mine may not be very good either. I think this style of
comedy may have been called slapstick at one time but I'm unsure.
Whatever! Just remember, though, you were advised. You're just
trembling in fear one minute, then bubbling with curiousity the next,
aren't you?! Well, don't get your hopes up. :|
Before we do anything else, first let's see what the wind blew in...
It was on Sunday, December the 26th, 2004 (Boxing Day in Canada), at
(drum roll please) 17:46:14 GMT, when NightMist posted the following:
I wouldn't have guessed the correct answer in a million years!
hmmm...I believe you said it was, "bad, very bad", didn't you? ;=]
"Barbara", take comfort in knowing that I've heard worse than that
before! Why, just the other day I happened to overhear one lady say
to another, "I don't know much about Art, I just know what I like!"
The other lady simply nodded and replied, "And the only thing I know
for sure is that two Ed's are better than one!"
Okay, okay, don't get nasty folks! Should I duck for cover now?
<swoowishsh!> *thud!* <twang!> {the blade misses by a hair}
Here's a trivia question. Didn't Groucho Marx use part of that joke
during his film career?
Well, I'm amazed that you've made it this far. We're near the end.
Anyone else have an Art joke to pass along? Maybe be a joke that
might even be worse than mine. Okay, I'll take a few good one's too.
Heck, I'll take them anyway I can get them.
I'm just a newbie snooping around "rec.arts.fine" for the first time.
Have no fear, I promise not to blow hot air through your speakers!
I hope 2005 is a good year for those who made it to the end of this!
Gus T
*** Notice - The GustyWinds Reader Advisory Is Over - Notice ***
Electric Nachos
GustyWinds wrote in message ...
>Anyone else have an Art joke to pass along? Maybe be a joke that
>might even be worse than mine. Okay, I'll take a few good one's too.
>Heck, I'll take them anyway I can get them.
74 Corney Art Jokes
----------------------------
What kind of paper do lactose intolerant artists prefer? (acid free)
What kind of art do lazy people avoid? (action paintings)
How can you tell an artist is an airhead? (he paints in aerial perspective)
How can you tell what a picture is *really* thinking? (watch its
after-image)
What kind of print just plain stinks? (a la poupee)
What kind of angles are always accused of a crime? (an angle of incidence)
How come no one believed she was really an artist? (she had no a/p)
What kind of painting likes to start fights? (aquarelle)
What did the old frame say about the younger frame? ("It's sooo armature!")
What kind of art never has opinions? (artifacts)
What kind of studio does Speedy Gonzalez use? (Atelier! Atelier!)
Why couldn't the linoleum block reproduce quality prints? (it's presser was
baren)
Why did the cat hiss at the artist's drawing? (it was made with bark paper)
What kind of charcoal washes ashore? (beech)
Why did the artist take his print to the doctor? (it was bleeding)
What kind of painting additive is happy after drinks? (blown oil)
What did the artist use to prove he was right? (casien paint)
Why did the art restorer refuse to repair the painting? (he liked the
cleavage)
What kind of watercolor texture do ladies enjoy? (cockling)
Why was the drawing paper mailed as rush delivery? (it was pressed for time)
Why did the artist tear her school application into pieces? (to get into
collage)
Why was the colorless pencil charged with racism? (it was in-colorant)
What do you call it when two paints date each other? (color mixing)
What kind of colors kiss each other's butt? (complementary)
What did the lithographer do to stop puking? (counteretch)
What kind of paintings do drug addicts buy? (craquelure)
Why did the chickens lay eggs perpendicular to each other? (they were
crosshatching)
Why was the artist afraid of stamps? (he had decalcomania)
What is a collagist's favorite song? (dechirage.. chirage.. whatever will
be.. will be..)
What happened to the artist's dog when it ingested cheap water and glue? (it
became distempered)
What kind of college art student likes to hang out on sloping roofs? (a
dormer)
How can you tell a painting has had too much to drink? (it has double
shadows)
What kind of erotic art is most uncomfortable? (dry mounted)
Why didn't the timid artist like the relief mold? (it was embossing)
Why did the artist scratch himself with a needle? (he was etching)
What was the painting asked, on "Who Want's To Be A Millionaire"? (Is that
your Final Varnish!)
What kind of dandruff do artists suffer from? (flake white)
What did the wooden frame say to the linen canvas? (Don't gimme any flax!)
What did the painting say to the sculpture? ("I've been framed!")
What kind of painting gets felt up and down? (a fresco)
What do detectives use to frame a scene? (French chalk)
What kind of pencil does John Travolta draw with? (grease)
What did the artist rapper call his painting? ("Bizzah in the Grisaille")
What kind of eraser is never wanted? (a kneaded one)
What did the varnish say about the artist? (Ah lacquer - Ah lacquer a lot!)
What kind of paper always gets dates? (laid)
What kind of cloth responds to Beatle's music (linen)
What kind of frame is missing 3 of its sides? (a one-liner)
What style of art exhibits socially acceptable behavior? (mannerism)
What did the painting use to disguise itself? (marouflage)
What kind of glue needs a box of tissues nearby? (mucilage)
What kind of art falls for anything? (naive art)
What kind of art do nudists prefer? (naturalism)
Why didn't the happy artist draw any background space? (the space was
negative)
Why didn't the confederation accept a group of paintings? (they were made in
northern light)
What kind of art speaks pig latin? (objet trouve)
Where did that painting want to be, in relation to the others? (op art)
What did the doctor stick into the artist's mouth? (a palette knife)
What kind of drawing always has to have the last word? (a remarque)
Why do all the art materials bow down to the straight-edge? (it rules)
Where do all the paintings go to get make-overs? (the salon)
What kind of painting attracts cats? (scratchboard)
What kind of painting is mistakenly called perverted? (a secco)
What kind of airbrush has Twice the fun? (double-action)
Why did the artist and her boyfriend break up? (she sought variation)
Why didn't the wife trust her artist husband? (he was sketchy)
What kind of glass always needs cleaning? (stained)
What kind of art material never travels quietly? (a stomp)
What kind of ink is always in court? (sumi)
What did the lithographer say to the silkscreener? (I like your tusche)
At what point did the painting disappear? (the vanishing point)
Why do clean-freaks prefer watercolor paintings? (they're washed)
Why was the paint thrown out as evidence? (it wasn't miscible)
What are babies, to artists? (wetting-agents)
GustyWinds
<aint_...@chew.foo> posted this (may be clipped):
>
>GustyWinds wrote in message ...
>
>>Anyone else have an Art joke to pass along? Maybe be a joke that
>>might even be worse than mine. Okay, I'll take a few good one's too.
>>Heck, I'll take them anyway I can get them.
>
>74 Corney Art Jokes
>----------------------------
>
snip...
>
>What kind of print just plain stinks? (a la poupee)
oh my...
>What kind of art never has opinions? (artifacts)
geez...!
>What kind of erotic art is most uncomfortable? (dry mounted)
<Gus T's eyes roll in their socks>
Thanks for the list "Electric Nachos", your list is a keeper! ;)
It was nice to have something to cheer me up in light of those many
images of disaster which now fill my TV screen, from those coastal
regions along the Indian Ocean where, sadly yet again, nature has
painted another picture of its' immense power. Sorry! I won't dwell
on the subject longer, given the intended purpose of this newsgroup.
Gus T
Electric Nachos
GustyWinds wrote in message ...
>It was nice to have something to cheer me up in light of those many
>images of disaster which now fill my TV screen, from those coastal
>regions along the Indian Ocean where, sadly yet again, nature has
>painted another picture of its' immense power. Sorry! I won't dwell
>on the subject longer, given the intended purpose of this newsgroup.
No biggie - we talk about all kinds of shtuff here!
>Gus T
>
Paul Mesken
Sometimes even about art! ;-)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Mesken, feared administrator of www.nellarteforum.com
Perry Winkle
>74 Corney Art Jokes
I've long been amused by "some" of your posts,
but this one is the best of the best!