Scientists attack mysteries of Mona Lisa
nebu...@yahoo.com
researchers claim to have cracked some mysteries of the
painting itself.
http://www.world-science.net
KPACKA
thanks!
Mani Deli
>For cen負uries she has given us mys負e訃i觔us looks. Now
>re貞earch苟rs claim to have cracked some mys負er虹es of the
>paint虹ng itself.
>http://www.world-science.net
Every year or so somebody comes out with a load of unsubstantiated
baloney in order to get attention.
Pollock had athlete's foot, Van Gogh had the clap when he painted the
Potato Eaters, Picasso suffered chronic vertigo and actually saw
everybody's noses on one side of the face. Dali was gay and Bosch took
speed while Leonardo was a hermaphrodite.
What do these guys have in store for us next year?
Mani Deli
I have renamed some of the important courses offered by their
favorite very expensive Modern Art Academy.
Note:
By the time you finish your training you will be a certified ARTIST
and you will get a coveted certificate to prove it.
Drawing courses should be renamed Paper Dirtying.
-You will be expected to produce one realistic drawing of an egg in
order to convince yourself that you have mastered realism and then
proceed to more serious stuff. Here you can smear away on large
newsprint pads. You will be taught all methods of how to excuse the
errors, the little sloppinesses and that miserable art school look ,
as experimental distortions.
Design courses should be renamed "Kindergarten Theory for slow
learners."
-Here you will learn all those modern academic techniques including
advanced dripping flipping and snipping. Although modern art students
have been
doing this for the last fifty years you will be given the impression
that this it is all very new, highly creative and important. You will
learn how to defend your dull repetitive results as compositional
experiments.
Art history should be called "Art Mythology."
-Here you will learn that all past art merely anticipated the
Impressionists whose evangelical struggle to overcome their evil
enemies led to the glories of Avant Garde Modern Academic Art which
is presently admired by anyone who claims intellectual grace.
Painting courses should be called "Canvas Alteration." (course
requirement-the above three courses)
-Here you will learn the latest methods of how to convince yourself
that your product enhanced by your lack of drawing skills, is an all
new, very serious, self expression which was designed to exhibit
honesty, sincerity and emotion rather than any useless technique. VERY
NICE teachers will instruct you in accomplishing this.
I have always suggested a new course called "Artspeak One." This would
crystallize the ideas in all the above courses.
-Besides sharpening your illogical abilities, mastery of this course
will teach you how oppose any detractors by dropping cryptic terms and
impugning their character.
The latest issues of the most prominent Artzy Fartzy magazines will be
required reading with great attention to the lingo used to describe
the masterpieces therein. The public dangers of anything labeled as
kitsch, commercial and illustration will be discussed in lectures by
important guest critics.
At term's end you will be examined on your abilities to analyze the
ethereal essences of Mondrian in at least ten thousand words or more.
Mastery of this course should enable you to defend any Modern Academic
masterpieces work against any and all negativism's.
PS,
I suppose my detractors here will write the usual stuff about my
"ranting negativism." I sincerely advise them to consult any
unrecognized, technically inept disgruntled genius graduates who
failed to win the Modern Academic Art lottery and listen to their
extensive ranting negativism about art and money.