LNH - Canada strikes back!
David VanDomelen
psychopath's conscience, a bustle of activity was taking place in the
underground headquarters of the secret organization Andrea. Unbeknownst to
most people, Andrea was a vast Canadian organization devoted to maintaining
world peace, and this event was a real setback to its agenda.
"Get the P.U.N.D.I.T. Squad ready and warm up the transdimensional
teleporters!" shouted Lance Mannion, the head of Andrea (not his real name, of
course, but a clever pseudonym). "I want a full strike force ready to take
down this Crossover Queen person!"
[obligatory editor's sidebar: P.U.N.D.I.T. stands for Peacekeeping
Undercover Net Defense and Intervention Tactical]
Suddenly, a skinny yet still foreboding figure strode onto the scene...it
was Kevin Fitzpatrick! "Alright, you clowns, I own the copyright you're coming
*dangerously* close to infringing, and I want you outta here before I call my
lawyers!"
Chastened, the agents of Andrea slunk off, doomed to never enter the
fight.
* * * *
Meanwhile, on alt.cyberpunk.chatsubo, Sig Lad (having recovered from the
Cerebus threads hurled at him) saw a possible out. He hid in an article about
to be cleaned off the net and archived. Hopefully, he'd be able to dig his way
out of the archive before Sig-File Man was killed (similarly named characters
love to team up and confuse the fans).
* * * *
Meanwhile, Acton Lord was sitting nervously by his mailbox, wondering what
Ultimate Ninja had included with the SASE...Ninja Bush Seeds, perhaps?
* * * *
Meanwhile, Paul the Samurai #2 was making all of this look rather mundane
and normal.
Dave Van Domelen, still working on his Superhero Tarot Deck
Mark Crimson Friedman
]Suddenly, a skinny yet still foreboding figure strode onto the
]scene...it was Kevin Fitzpatrick! "Alright, you clowns, I own the
]copyright you're coming *dangerously* close to infringing, and I want
]you outta here before I call my lawyers!"
]
]Chastened, the agents of Andrea slunk off, doomed to never enter the
]fight.
| | | | | | | |
"WHO said this!?!?", Lethal Lawyer stentorianated.
"Ummmm, ummmm," the Andrea agent st-t-t-tutterd, "it wa-was
K-k-k-kevin Ffffitzpatrick!"
"FOOL!" Lethal Lawyer slammed his leather attache case (with
smashingly tasteful gold harware) down on his desk, "The fabled Kevin
Fitzpatrick never even *existed*!"
"B-b-but who-who founded P-p-p.U.N.D.I.T. th-then?" The agent
had taken to furiously biting his nails.
"*Obviously* you've been spending too much time in Ryle hall.
Didn't I *tell* you that decor was hazardous!?!? DOCTOR...!"
A smallish, blatantly Einsteinian caricature shuffled into the
room. "Ja?"
Lethal Lawyer rolled his eyes, "We have *another* one..."
The little professor lit up. "Ahhh, das goot! Come vith me,
sonny," he led the babbling agent out the door, "Vee haff some nice
plaid shirts and paisley pants for you to try on..."
Babblingly, the babbling agent babbled a parting babble,
"Didja ever notice that black and white squiggly pattern they used?
It kinda looks like cartoon sperm!"
| | | | | | | |
Dave Van Domelen broke down the door to Mark Friedman's mere
closet of a room. "You!" Dave pointed his kendo sword in Mark's
direction.
Mark jumped in his seat and tried to hide the stack of
alternative school newspapers he had been reading. "Oh, heh, heya,
Dave! Howsit goin', eh?"
"Don't give me that innocent stuff!" Dave saw the title on one
paper that fell upon the floor between them: The Pundit! He lunged
the sword at Mark's head...to take off the headphones he was still
wearing! Sounds of 'Safety and Security Vice' reached his ears.
"'The Pundit show'?!?!? Don't you think you're taking this a bit
*far*, Mark? I mean, I gave you this stuff on a *lark*, but you're
starting to treat it *way* too seriously..."
"B-but, I *like* it! It's funny!" Mark's face beamed like a
child's.
Dave shook his head sadly. "Look, it's okay that you like it,
but maybe you should take a break. I mean, you didn't even *go* to
NMSU, after all! So you're simply submitting to escapism..."
"Oh!" Mark stiffened his upper lip, "kinda like comic books,
right?"
"Well, yes, but..."
Mark stood and advanced slowly, Nerf Bow and Arrow in hand.
"Soooo, *how* much do you spend on comics each week? 10 dollars? 20
dollars? *30* dollars?!?!?"
Dave's lower lip trembled, then stopped. He donned a slightly
Scottish accent, "My time here is over and I must go!" He then turned
to flee, only stopping once to don his UV-protective glasses.
Mark chuckled and sat back down to his reading. "Kool!!!
Captain Picard and the Enterprise Kids! I *love* this strip!" A
small trickle of drool escaped his mouth...
| | | | | | | |
Meanwhile, in the computer room of a major Midwestern
University, Acton Lord slapped Netlurker on the back of the head with
his sketchbook. "Stop this silliness! It began as a seemingly
innocent inside-joke, but it's gone *way* too far. It didn't even
deal with the LNH!"
Netlurker stopped his typing momentarily and his lower lip
entered 'pout' mode. "Well, kinda: I introduced Lethal Lawyer! He's
*bound* to strike again..."
"Hmmmm," Acton Lord pondered, "this is true. Well, what's his
power?"
"Lethal Lawyer's Legal Loopholes!", he proudly professed.
Acton Lord thwapped Netlurker again. "That's silly. And
don't try using your alliteration on *me*!" He turned to his terminal
but then back again, "And don't you have a Chatsubo crossover post to
write?"
Netlurker's jaw dropped. "That's right! Well, I guess this
silly, multi-reality level post has to end *sometime*..."
--
Mark "Klone Crimson" Friedman is frie...@cis.ohio-state.edu .................
"There is nothing former "Beat poets, "If you put a hungry ferret in your
about King Crimson." not children." trousers, he'll run around..."
- Robert Fripp, 5/11/90 - anonymous - Nigel Tufnel (Spinal Tap)