LNH/LNV/BoEnV a hero born?
sl...@cc.usu.edu
the family lifting the phone occasionally, frustrations were running high!
All day long he had antecipated becoming either Master wReam or Wizard wReam
champions of justice ready to whip the LNH/LNV into shape as only he knew
how, but his antecipated in was a hoax. There was no such .gif as Acton Lord
in the ftp site wuarchive.wustl.edu! Not that it would have garanteed him
immortality! Wuarchive is the last place to put something if you want it
to stay there! No! Wuarchive is always being cleaned up! Hoping to obtain
a gif version of Acton Lord he could modify it and create his own self in
its place, but no! Everywhere the net was becoming more and more apart!
wReam knew he had to get into the Earth-VR, because he demanded
revenge on that scoundrel Spelling Boy, who had vexed him sorely! He had
a plan on how to stop Spelling Boy, but no means of entry into the realm
of his clutches. And moving pawns would never extinguish the fool-hero's
attack! Then a streak of Deductive Logic Man struck wReam squarely. In
the comics I would need something that would guarantee immediate success!
Something every fanboy would look to and buy 7000 copies of wReam's first
apearance as a hero on the net! Master wReam was simply too intellectual
for the drivling fanchildren, and Wizard wReam was too deep and any character
based on magic was destined to be canned within a run of 60 issues! Why
that left him with only a few other options. "Net Star, Deductive Logic Man,
and Captain Coredump... Right? But Net Star is too wimpy and whiny to make
a hero that could strike fear into the hearts of the other villains. Acton
Lord must be brought to justice and Net Star would only provide him with a
good laugh. Even though laughter is important it doesn't capture villains."
wReam thought so loudly he had to put quotation marks around it! He continued,
"Deductive Logic Man is simply too smart for the average reader. And
Captain Coredump, while most powerful would not be affective against non-Unix
programmers!, Nope. Gotta be something guaranteed to attract attention to
myself so that the readers will be satisfied, but at the same time shifty
enough be able to be a character to fit my liking. More powerful than a
loco... nah, he's dying and I don't plan to do that!" Then it came to him
like a revelation to a gospel preacher... I know the perfect hero.
But now I must prepare if I want to be able to defeat the evil that
lurks within. wReam ran down the street to the maple trees. He began
to pluck the tree of all the helicopter-like seed sheathes that adorned the
trees quite abundantly. Then when having what he deemed to be enough, wReam
made one final stop in his back yard at the red maple. The sheathes there are
bloody and dark red. Then returning with a white sheet and a black
bandanna wReam entered the net as a new persona...
A new hero, crushed through the barriers of VR and in a flash of white
smoke stood a new ever-imposing hero. He sneaked through the carnage and
rubble of the damaged RAC universe. Its very fabric was shreaded and must have
been why wReam could enter in this new form without much protest from anyone.
Then the persona located his first target.
"Spelling Boy! Bullier of the helpless! You must pay for your sins!
You will no longer torment the nets, harassing the users! Your days are
OVER!"
Spelling Boy turned to see a medium build with no significant features
visible because he was wrapped in one of those strange oriental martial arts
costumes... "Who are you and who's grandmother did I offend this time!?"
He smirked cynically, as if this hero was just one of a very long line of
heroes he had disposed of.
"Fiend! You Have No Honor! I am ULTIMATE NINJA!!!" Ultimate Ninja
withdrew a fist full of seed pods and prepared his attack.
"Why aren't those the helicopter-like seed sheathes of a maple-like
tree??? Surely you jest! You pose no threat to me! I am Spelling Boy!"
Ultimate Ninja let the fistfull fly at an observing small-time villain
named CannonFodder. CannonFodder was thrashed so horrifickly(sp?) that it was
only shown in silhouette (sp?). "You will be destroyed (sp?) by the power of
NINJA BUSH!!! Just as it disembowelled (sp?) this poor cretin (sp?),
Spelling Boy!(sp?)" (Cannon Fodder was really small time, in
fact he had never really been seen doing anything wrong, but he died an awful
lot in demonstration of some new hero's powers... or to cause a mental anguish
plot to happen when a hero was pushed to killing, but no one really felt too
bad since he was always back in one form or another ready to be used as death
in the future... (See the Original Star trek for more apearances of
CannonFodder)) But tho(sp?) Ninja bush was most impressive it was nothing like
ultimate terror that Spelling Boy felt as he attempted to catch the Ultimate
Ninja by his own words... He couldn't touch them! They were protected!
"NOOOOO! Not the Dreaded (sp?) disclaimer!?" cried Spelling Boy in
utter anguish. The Ultimate Ninja nodded and moved in for the kill.
Now uninhibited (sp?) to articulate(sp?) or gesticulate(sp?) Ultimate Ninja
did not hesitate (sp?) to alliterate (sp?). Spelling Boy withdrew in
unconceilable (sp?) terror! Ultimate Ninja launched a fistful of Ninja Bush
in Spelling Boy's Direction, but in another part of the net someone foolishly
spelled something wrong. This extra boost of energy permitted (sp?)
Spelling Boy to barely escape utter anihilation(sp?)!
"I'll Catch you when you LEAST expect it! And then I will Triumph!"
Ultimate Ninja scoffed at the Spelling Boy's little threat. Perhap's
he was a threat to some but the genius of wReam had protected Ultimate Ninja
from Spelling Boy's chidings (sp?). Now it was time to take on the fiend that
had perpetuated this chaos beyond natural... Acton Lord. He was in the midsts
of a duel with his good/evil twin Sig Lad/Action Lord/SpellChecker, in a most
unstable dimension. The Letter Page was not a good place to be since the
posting was getting extremely long and that would mean only one thing... The
Letter Page Dimension would be compromised! Soon there would be nothing left
of the dimension and both Acton and Action Lords would be Crushed into
oblivion. Ultimate Ninja thought to himself in quotes...
with BIG spaces and Indentations!
" Hmmmmm. If this becomes too long the ruthless Acton
Lord will be Crushed into nothingness!"
Double spacing and doing a series of back handsprings Ultimate Ninja
moved toward the dimensional boundaries...
The got further and further away. He could see the two duking
it out, but could not tell who was who, so he
hit the
return key
a few more
times...
(benefits of being
wReam... in disguise!)
JUST THEN ULTIMATE NINJA WAS ACCOSTED BY CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE, WHO WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE DEAD!!!
IN A FLASH! he was./
The Letter page kept shrinking!
Ha! That ought to do it! There is no way they
can escape! I will now go about my other
business and leave them foolishly unguarded!
To Ultimate Ninja's delight it was not his idea but Cliche Dude had
snuck up from behind!!
Ultimate Ninja let loose a barrage (sp?) of Ninja Bush on the hapless
Cliche Dude. Injurred and fleeing, he cried! "Curses! Foiled Again! I'll
Be Back! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll make you pay! I'll make them all Pay!!"
Ultimate Ninja followed the poor creature with his eyes, until
he heard a "CCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHH!!!!"
(sp?) The Letter Page Dimension was NO more! Acton Lord was Dead and Gone!
Ultimate Ninja turned to inspect the once open portal only to see
a bit of yellow smoke. It was true the whole dimension had imploded. All
in the time Ultimate Ninja had his back turned to best Cliche Dude!
Too Bad. I really related to Sig Lad, but the Acton Lord had to be
stopped, and I am sure he would have liked it that way...
wReam...
Ultimate Ninja
P.S. As Ultimate Ninja prepared to retire that night, and head back as
wReam he felt certain he would need to return home soon, after all he was
out of NINJA BUSH, but upon looking in his Ninja Bush Carrier he noticed
it was full, of course then he realized that in comics the heroes never
run out of ammunition!
Are Acton Lord, Sig Lad/Action Lord/Spellchecker, Spelling Boy, Cliche Dude,
Romantic-Innuendo(sp?), and CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE ALL REALLY DEAD?!?
(Probably not, but boy did this issue ever get the sales!!!)
The Ahkond of Swat
First, a few preliminary petty swipes:
>All day long he had antecipated becoming either Master wReam or Wizard wReam
anticipated.
>how, but his antecipated in was a hoax. There was no such .gif as Acton Lord
anticipated.
>in the ftp site wuarchive.wustl.edu! Not that it would have garanteed him
guaranteed.
And now, our story:
> wReam knew he had to get into the Earth-VR, because he demanded
>revenge on that scoundrel Spelling Boy, who had vexed him sorely! He had
>a plan on how to stop Spelling Boy, but no means of entry into the realm
>of his clutches. And moving pawns would never extinguish the fool-hero's
>attack!
Nyeah, nyeah! }8^P "the realm of his clutches"?
>apearance as a hero on the net! Master wReam was simply too intellectual
appearance.
>for the drivling fanchildren, and Wizard wReam was too deep and any character
driveling.
>rubble of the damaged RAC universe. Its very fabric was shreaded and must have
shredded.
> "Spelling Boy! Bullier of the helpless! You must pay for your sins!
>You will no longer torment the nets, harassing the users! Your days are
>OVER!"
HA. You're not helpless. Buy a dictionary.
> Spelling Boy turned to see a medium build with no significant features
>visible because he was wrapped in one of those strange oriental martial arts
>costumes... "Who are you and who's grandmother did I offend this time!?"
>He smirked cynically, as if this hero was just one of a very long line of
>heroes he had disposed of.
AHA!
This "Spelling Boy" is obviously an impostor. I would have said "whose"
rather than "who's." Besides, what does sort of person is a "build"?
> "Fiend! You Have No Honor! I am ULTIMATE NINJA!!!" Ultimate Ninja
>withdrew a fist full of seed pods and prepared his attack.
> "Why aren't those the helicopter-like seed sheathes of a maple-like
>tree??? Surely you jest! You pose no threat to me! I am Spelling Boy!"
"sheaths." A comma after the "Why" would've helped, too.
>named CannonFodder. CannonFodder was thrashed so horrifickly(sp?) that it was
horrifically.
>only shown in silhouette (sp?). "You will be destroyed (sp?) by the power of
Very good. You must have looked "silhouette" up.
>NINJA BUSH!!! Just as it disembowelled (sp?) this poor cretin (sp?),
>Spelling Boy!(sp?)"
Hmm. My bowels seem to be in the right place. You must have gotten
some lame plot-device clone. It wasn't me.
>in the future... (See the Original Star trek for more apearances of
appearances.
>CannonFodder)) But tho(sp?) Ninja bush was most impressive it was nothing like
}8^)
>ultimate terror that Spelling Boy felt as he attempted to catch the Ultimate
>Ninja by his own words... He couldn't touch them! They were protected!
Double ha.
> "NOOOOO! Not the Dreaded (sp?) disclaimer!?" cried Spelling Boy in
>utter anguish. The Ultimate Ninja nodded and moved in for the kill.
>Now uninhibited (sp?) to articulate(sp?) or gesticulate(sp?) Ultimate Ninja
Well, you spelled them right, but you used "uninhibited" incorrectly, so
I'm not really impressed. *shrug*
>did not hesitate (sp?) to alliterate (sp?). Spelling Boy withdrew in
>unconceilable (sp?) terror! Ultimate Ninja launched a fistful of Ninja Bush
unconcealable. If you didn't hesitate to alliterate, why don't I see any
alliteration?
>in Spelling Boy's Direction, but in another part of the net someone foolishly
>spelled something wrong. This extra boost of energy permitted (sp?)
>Spelling Boy to barely escape utter anihilation(sp?)!
annihilation.
Besides, this plot device is lame; I don't flame every spelling error.
If I did, I'd have to follow up to about 90% of the posts on the group.
I don't have that kind of spare time (yeah right).
> Ultimate Ninja scoffed at the Spelling Boy's little threat. Perhap's
Perhaps.
>snuck up from behind!!
sneaked.
>Cliche Dude. Injurred and fleeing, he cried! "Curses! Foiled Again! I'll
injured.
>he heard a "CCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHH!!!!"
>(sp?) The Letter Page Dimension was NO more! Acton Lord was Dead and Gone!
Crunch. But in the interests of over-extended onomatopoeia, I'll let that
one slide. Sound effects get special dispensation under the Comic-Book
Reality Amendment to the Spelling Charter (which only affects the various
RAC universes).
>Are Acton Lord, Sig Lad/Action Lord/Spellchecker, Spelling Boy, Cliche Dude,
>Romantic-Innuendo(sp?), and CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE ALL REALLY DEAD?!?
No.
--
Bill Sherman S^1 `--> S^(2n+1) -->> CP^n she...@math.ucla.edu
LET ME RING THE BELL. -Billy Crystal's privates
David VanDomelen
corner of a forgotten lab in a major Midwestern University.
"Fortunately I was insufficiently stamped and got returned to my home
address before the Lettercol collapsed," he mused. "I never thought I'd get
any use out of that old Goon Show gag, but it saved my life. And today
Netlurker completed the color GIF...now to find a real archive to save it in
(not wuarchive)...."
* * * *
While Acton Lord was searching for a protected archive site, Sig Lad had
recovered from the deadly slide show, and expelled the heinous Action Lord
persona from his body. Unbeknownst to him, the persona had a life of its own,
and needed only find a suitable armchair athelete as a host, before heading off
to menace/be menaced by Rebel Yell (see previous post). Weary and battered,
Sig Lad decided that it wasn't really all that bad to have to wear red and
gold...it certainly beat red and green (yech).
Sig Lad knew that Acton Lord was too far along in his plans to be stopped
now, but perhaps a fly could be slipped into the proverbial ointment....
* * * *
Meanwhile, Ellipses King had been making his presence known on the net,
placing ....'s at the end of every important sentence and ...'s between
phrases. Yet still he didn't get the respect he deserved...everyone kept
asking him to make shapes with eccentricities of less than one...not the stream
of dots that was his real power.... He began to get peeved....
* * * *
ULTIMATE NINJA began to have the distinct feeling that someone was dancing
on his grave....
Dave Van Domelen...hapless pawn of Ellipses King....
Mark Crimson Friedman
>In article <1992Sep8.0...@cc.usu.edu> sl...@cc.usu.edu writes:
>> Ultimate Ninja scoffed at the Spelling Boy's little threat. Perhap's
>Perhaps.
But wait!
In an incident of "typo-turned-hero" that rivals even that of SUICIDE
SQUID *himself*, a new force comes into being:
PROFESSOR PERHAP!
Indeed, Prof. Peter "Perhap" Paulenmerry hears his call to power! An
average Linguistics professor at Cowtown University, he scans the Net
for ambiguous phrases, discontinuous sentence fragments, poor
subject/verb agreement, and dangling participles in order to *twist*
them to suit his own purposes!
"What's this?", the Prof exclaimed, "Spelling Boy *denies* my
very existence!?!?! Well, I'll show that brat!" Then, summoning his
power to produce hypothetical situations at will, Professor Perhap
does the deed:
>>> Perhap's wild dogs *will* rend spelling boy to pieces! <<<
And yes, by the mere supposition of the incident (including the
emphasis on the definite qualifier *will*) it actually happens! A
pack of wild dogs, at Perhap's command, appears from nowhere to drag
Spelling Boy down!
Professor Perhap cackled insanely at the desperately flailing
Spelling Boy, whilst in the shadows the as-yet-to-be-mentioned
IRONY-INFLICTOR shared a hearty laugh...
--
Mark "Klone Crimson" Friedman is frie...@cis.ohio-state.edu .................
"There is nothing former "Beat poets, "If you put a hungry ferret in your
about King Crimson." not children." trousers, he'll run around..."
- Robert Fripp, 5/11/90 - anonymous - Nigel Tufnel (Spinal Tap)
sl...@cc.usu.edu
despite the stupid modem problems that kept him up until 4:30am. I gotta
get a better modem program, he thought as he watched the collossal mess of
notices clamour to explain what really happened. The Editors and writers
were busy explaining away the event when wReam stumbled across a most
serious threat to the system. Acton Lord had discovered him! He had not
antecipated the fiend even knowing what "..." was called and yet he knew
there was someone out there depositting ellipses everywhere. Acton Lord
had mistakenly thought it was a new hero, but wReam knew the threat was
too close to home.
In a blatant exposition wReam conveniently thought loud enough to be heard
across the net with a semi-convincing explanation(in quotation marks even!).
"Acton Lord has mistakenly supposed that these Ellipses are the
mark of power of some new, as of yet, unexplored person. But No! In
reality, they are the residual power trailings of wReam's Power Postings.
Were Acton Lord able to put together the ellipses phenomenae with the Ultimate
Ninja, He would discover my secret identity and pipebomb my garage! I cannot
have that! Acton Lord must be Silenced!"
Just then the DRIZZTSAT came on line... Acton Lord was not responsible for
the mess of Cross-overs after all! It was the CrossOver Queen.
At the same time Continuity Champ and Captain Continuity were having an
identity crisis! Yet neither of them realized that they were one and the
same!!!
It was time for another BLATANT EXPOSITION on the part of wReam's thoughts
in quotation...
"Yes, both Continuity Champ and Captain Continuity are one and the
same. Aparently, overexposure to Dyslexia had caused Continuity Champ to
become himself with a different name. He even did things he was not
responsible for, because of Dyslexia's ability to warp the LNH reality."
The LNH turned to Continuity Champ and said, "But you are Captain
Continuity" which explains why we are all befuddled at your need to sneak
in here and demand his ousting. "Besides, we like your personality better."
"Gosh, with so many people involved in this cross-post-overs I shudder to
think what Continuity Champ's job must really be like.
Just then the screams of Spelling Boy could be heard from net.earth. In an
attempt to shrug off his defeat, he had unleashed Professor Perhap and was
being eaten by ravenous wolves. Hahahaha. I knew that little trap would
catch the twerp! Too Bad, he had to return to the scene of the crime!
wReam congratulated himself as he had planned it all along.
Total Carnage spread below, but being reserved Ultimate Ninja stayed alert and
distant from the battlings. Marvel Zombie Boy who held the Cosmic Plot Device
was playing dead in many pieces, of course. But how could they seriously
expect to kill him! The undead are already dead! Marvel Zombie Boy will be
back. Ultimate Ninja took an arrow, a bow a piece of parchment and a quill
with an inkwell out of his costume. (Ninja's have thier methods of carrying
things, and in the comics, there is no such thing as encumbrance(sp?))
He hurriedly scrawled a brief message on it and secured it to the arrow. Then
letting the arrow fly, he launched it deep into the heart of Acton Lord's
lair. Acton Lord conveniently read the message alloud. "CrossOver Queen
and Royalty King are attempting to Louise Simonsonize the NET! You must
do something to stop them! Even you are not invulnerable from this threat."
Acton Lord Gasped in horror, only a pure mad man would perpetuate the
debotchery of this hellspawn! Acton Lord knew he needed a decoy if
his plan to depose Crossover Queen was to succeed so he contacted Sig Lad.
Sig Lad's overwhelming drive to do good would be the perfect distraction.
wReam...
Ultimate Ninja
P.S. wReam finished at the terminal in time to catch the late show of
CatWoman at the dollar theatre... Or was that Batman Returns, I forget,
he certainly wasn't why he went to see the show though.
David VanDomelen
disguise, of course), the aforementioned Sig Lad was busily introducing a
series of pyramiding errors into the previously posted GIF, in hopes that the
tables would be turned and it would depict him blasting Acton Lord....
...and Ellipses King knew he had duped wReam completely....
William Sherman
>get a better modem program, he thought as he watched the collossal mess of
A voice faintly floats along the ether, gasping "colossal..."
>antecipated the fiend even knowing what "..." was called and yet he knew
"Anti... anti... " *choke* *gasp* "Is there a tourniquet in the house?"
>there was someone out there depositting ellipses everywhere. Acton Lord
"De... *urkkkk...*"
>Just then the screams of Spelling Boy could be heard from net.earth. In an
>attempt to shrug off his defeat, he had unleashed Professor Perhap and was
>being eaten by ravenous wolves. Hahahaha. I knew that little trap would
>catch the twerp! Too Bad, he had to return to the scene of the crime!
>wReam congratulated himself as he had planned it all along.
There is the faint sound of dictionary pages ruffling in the distance...
and then, only silence.
bar...@wkuvx1.bitnet
> "Yes, both Continuity Champ and Captain Continuity are one and the
> same. Aparently, overexposure to Dyslexia had caused Continuity Champ to
> become himself with a different name. He even did things he was not
> responsible for, because of Dyslexia's ability to warp the LNH reality."
>
> The LNH turned to Continuity Champ and said, "But you are Captain
> Continuity" which explains why we are all befuddled at your need to sneak
> in here and demand his ousting. "Besides, we like your personality better."
>
> "Gosh, with so many people involved in this cross-post-overs I shudder to
> think what Continuity Champ's job must really be like.
Continuity Champ did his best to look unbothered by this disturbing
news. He could only believe that Captain Continuity was himself from
his future come back to the past to meet him. Otherwise, he would
be doing more harm to the timeline than good with his cross-continuity
jumps.
Then, a sobering thought hit him - could it be that every one of the
Legionnaires was but an alternate version of him?
Nah, the Champ said, this is r.a.c, not r.a.xbooks.
> Just then the screams of Spelling Boy could be heard from net.earth. In an
> attempt to shrug off his defeat, he had unleashed Professor Perhap and was
> being eaten by ravenous wolves. Hahahaha. I knew that little trap would
> catch the twerp! Too Bad, he had to return to the scene of the crime!
> wReam congratulated himself as he had planned it all along.
>
> Acton Lord conveniently read the message alloud. "CrossOver Queen
> and Royalty King are attempting to Louise Simonsonize the NET! You must
> do something to stop them! Even you are not invulnerable from this threat."
> Acton Lord Gasped in horror, only a pure mad man would perpetuate the
> debotchery of this hellspawn! Acton Lord knew he needed a decoy if
> his plan to depose Crossover Queen was to succeed so he contacted Sig Lad.
> Sig Lad's overwhelming drive to do good would be the perfect distraction.
Meanwhile, the editors of LNH, disappointed that a grudge match
between Captain Continuity and Continuity Champ had been blown out
of the water, considered retconning the entire net. Deciding it
would all be a waste since the r.a.c.world was going kabloowey in
3 weeks, the immortal and omnipotent beings wandered off in new
directions, last seen headed for the last bastion of creativity,
alt.fan.quayle.
Simultaneously, Continuity Champ was explaining the dire situation
to the LNH. The world was doomed to destruction; their only hopes
were to (a) attack Crossover Queen, which was pretty much pointless
since the only way to stop her mad plan was to do (b), doobee, doobee,
doo (doobee or not doobee - sorry, couldn't resist); or (b) to
combine all the earths into a single earth situated around the cosmic
axis of rec.art.comics.misc.
Cliche Boy then hit upon a plan. "Hey, let's split up!"
Everyone, knowing what had happened to acertain other Legion when
someone said that, looked at him with eyes blazing.
"Wait," Continuity Champ said, "this plan has merit. I will lead a
team of the most powerful among us against Crossover Queen, while
Rebel Yell will lead a special strike force to find the LNH editors
and persuade them to realign the cosmos."
"Who died and made you leader?" someone asked.
Continuity Champ fixed him with an icy gaze. "You will have if you
don't shut up," he spat, rubbing the Ring of RetConn. "My team will
consist of Marvel Zombie Boy, Spelling Boy-"
"He's dead," Parking Karma Boy (Lad?) said gently. "Grammer Boy has
gone off to avenge him."
"This is r.a.comics; nobody stays dead forever except Bucky. As I
was saying, Spelling Boy, and several others whose names I can't
remember right now will come with me. The rest of you, Parking
Karma Kid (is that right?), and you others - with Rebel Yell. Good
luck and may the F*rc*-"
"Can't use that."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Haven't you been reading the Star Wars articles? The F*rc* is
copyright of L*c*sf*lm. Can't use it."
This new development disturbed the Champ. Things on the net were
taking place, things beyond his knowledge, things beyond his control.
For the first time in several lifetimes, he began to feel the cold
knot of fear grip his stomach.
"Anyway, good luck." He waved his arms above his head. "I call
upon the Terrible Transportation of Liefield to take us-"
"Hey, he didn't use incantations before," someone astutely noted.
The Champ turned on the LNH. "_Maybe_ I'm evoking poetic license.
_Maybe_ my powers have been changed in some manner. _Maybe_ I just
felt like saying that!"
"Or maybe the writer just messed up," Marvel Zombie Boy said under
his breath. No one heard him, so no one noticed that statement which
would have been seriously out of character for him (a grim
foreshadowing perhaps?).
"All of you, quiet, before we wind up on Alpha Centauri. I invoke
the Laborious Leap of Lee (Jim, not Stan or Jae) to transport us to
the world of H'yddee'uz, the domain of Louise Simonson, the Crossover
Queen."
The party vanished in a flash of peach light.
Meanwhile, the alien who had been chasing around Dr. Killfile trying
to knock him off dragged the huge power packs to his laser rifle
behind him. He fixed his eyes on his goal - the no-longer-so-secret
headquarters of the bad Doctor. When Killfile returned, he would
be waiting.
A grin spread across the alien's fangs.
TO BE CONTINUED...
glenn alan carnagey jr
Marvel_Zombie Lad "pulled himself together" and surveyed his new body.
"God, but I gotta get a new seamstress. Oh, man, not Rac.-na-.misc
... what the ... hey, a mispelling, sumpin' musta' happened to Bill!"
MZ Lad ran frantically about looking for his old buddy, Spelling Boy,
totally oblivious of the carnage of the eternal battle between the
Legion and the Brotherhood. He sighted the pack of wolves, munching
down on his fellow Legionnaire, and totally lost it. Firing all his
weapons at once -- Uzis, rockets, auto-load crossbow, you name it --
and running at top speed, he punches GreenRingWraith in the nose to
prevent him from once again fouling his aim. Brushing away the heap of wolf
remains from his buddy he goes to work. "Never a chicken around when
you need one. Oh well, have to make do." Whirling like a dervish and
calling into play his endless knowledge of bad Bob Hope, Evil Dead and
Romero flicks, he puts on his best Cajun accent. Spelling Boy's eyes
roll back into his head and he froths at the mouth, body parts crawl
out of wolf maws as MZ Lad lets go with the dry ice. "Bill, arise,
you're reborn as Webster's Undead!"
Our newly reformed hero stands up and surveys the carnage, already
searching for a new, more appropriate name.
"Now we won't have to be embarassed by our misspelt words in from of
the whole net! Give us some advice, we're in deep shit!"
"Well, it *is* a `double-ess', but join the 20th Century, eh? Misspelled!
Hmmm ... bowels seem to be okay, but you've got to think about a new
sewing person!"
Suddenly a mysterious projectile whooshed past their heads and landed at
their feet, as the other net.ters noticed their newly re-formed
comrades.
"What the heck was that," yelled back Parking Karma Kid as he avoided
another of Manga Man's roundhouses.
"It appears to be a missive from Captain Continuity, apparently he's
pissed off about us not being dead or aging, he's going to try and
bring us back."
Cliche Dude popped up from the debris and lit up like a light bulb.
"Groovy, how tough can it be? They've used up IT already, let's grab
the Cosmic Plot Device and we're outta here!"
Lurking Lass blindsided Y-Plex and tore the Device from his hands, the
Legion instantly disappeared, leaving the Brotherhood stunned and
punching out the air.
"Hey! What about us!" screamed Table.
------------
Pax ex machina,
Glenn
...............................................................
"But *remember* ... I'm a sensuous modern woman,
and while I don't think the size of a man's orgasm is important,
I *do* insist on multiple penises"
--- Alan Moore
g-car...@uchicago.edu, if you must know
.................................................................
This is F.U.N.
>Lurking Lass blindsided Y-Plex and tore the Device from his hands, the
>Legion instantly disappeared, leaving the Brotherhood stunned and
>punching out the air.
>
>"Hey! What about us!" screamed Table.
"What about you?", says a familiar balding voice.
Table, with an evil grin equivalant to Rob Liefeld's characters,
turns to face his most hated enemy, Professor G and the Un-Manned G-Men.
Fearing another loss at their hands once more, Table aims his wooden hand
at them, firing hundreds of splinters at the G-Men. Sheiklops, the mystical
guru from the Near East casts a force shield between him and Professor from
the oncoming splinters. IceIceBaby puts a wall of ice letters to protect
himself and the Yeast, a being with blue dough around his body, while
Marvel_Zombie Girl, the twin of Marvel_Zombie Boy, who were separated at
birth, remembers a plot with Aunt May ducking behind a chair, and so
she does the same. Finally, Matel, the being who can create any toy
made by that company from dirt, tosses a small matchbox-like car at
Table, hitting him on the forehead, knocking him unconscious. The rest
of the criminals give up because they figure they cannot fight the most
popular team book.
As they are being taken away, no one notices either Dr. KillFile
nor Manga Man hiding in a secret closet. Nor do they notice a multi-
colored van hiding behind the bushes. This van can only belong to one man,
the Punished.
But what does the Punished have in store for the Legion of Net Heroes,
the Un-Manned G-Men, and the Legion of Net Villians? Only time will tell.
*******************************************************************************
"Groovy!" - Ash "Evil Dead II : Dead By Dawn" (1987)
*******************************************************************************
"Fans are interesting things. Rush fans just can't comprehend why the
rest of the world doesn't like Rush. REM fans consider the rest of the world
beneath their social level to notice. Kate Bush fans love the rest of the
world, and the world loves them, but spend long nights plotting to knife
one another." --Richard Darwin
Richard Darwin #33, "Gradenza"
*******************************************************************************
v129j6ed@ubvms
The KaTeFan(tm)