LEGION OF NET.HEROES PART ONE:
AGAINST THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL.NET.VILLAINS
CHAPTER I

As the Legion of Net.heroes charges out into battle against Dr. Killfile
(in true 27-to-1 hero style) Dr. K feels he's a little outnumbered,
even though he's holding his own.
   Suddenly, there's a scream of IKUZEI!!, and something goes scream-
by in a blur and a lot of speed-lines, sending Marvel-Zombie-Boy and
Loquacious Lad flying!
  He comes to a stop, standing beside Dr. Killfile. He's slightly
shorter than your average hero, with a black bodysuit, and loud green
hair that mysteriously droops over one eye...
   YES, IT'S MANGA-MAN!!
He turns to his new found ally. "Are we gonna trash these baka, or what?"
  The blacker-than-black plated sections of his bodysuit flex as he slowly
assumes a very weird Martial Arts position. Dr. Killfile appears slightly
worried by his appearance, not knowing whether or not to trust this green-
haired entity. The Net.Heroes, not knowing quite what to expect, stand stunned
in bemusement.
  "Hah! You load of over-shaded blocky Ameican supposed 'hero' types!" he
challenges, and with a cry of IKUZEEEIIIIIII!!! and lots of BAKABAKABAKA!!!,
he erupts into a whirlwind of black and green as his power suit propels him
at (and through!) the assembled Net.Heroes! While their ability to manipulate
vocabulary far outweigh Manga Man's, with such cries as "Shit!!", "let'sgetthe
fuckouttahere!", and one or two "die, scum - urgh!"'s, this verbal abuse seems
to merely slide off his armour's sheen, and few of the Net.Heroes seem to have
taken any combat skills...
  Opening up a section on his power armour's hand, Manga Man ejects the mouth
of a gun, which he uses to spectacular effect to knock the second floor out of
a nearby building, thus dislodging Lurking Girl who was up there preparing to
Post in a last desperate effort to stop him...
  Most of the lesser Heroes scatter. Luckily, Parking Man has
parked the team's huge, 100-ton van neatly in a 60 degree parking area, and the
ineffective members of the team pile aboard.
  Kid Yesterdaze gets up a bit dazed, takes out a copy of FF245, mutters "I
hate wasting a good issue...", and throws it in MANGA-MAN's face!
  Manga Man is temporarily blinded by the overshaded figures, but his hardwired
powersuit, in a defensive move, rips the copy from his face and disintegrates
it in a few short shots. Manga man turns to face his adversaries...
  "Baka. Now you've done it! I was going to let you off, but now you're for it!"
  He presses a button on the laserdisc player on his armour, and suddenly the
air is filled with the entire, original soundtrack for AKIRA playing
subliminally. Completely overcome by the information overload (mostly trying to
work out the plot...), the Net.heroes cover their ears, but to no avail. Manga
Man attacks...
 Suddenly, Lurking Girl drifts through the battle - and through Manga Man. As we
all know (having seen Kitty Pryde do it about 4 gazillion times), comic science
dictates that insubstantial hero + electronic doohickey = busted doohickey.
 "Now just wait a minute", says Comics-Snob-Boy, "this is nothing impressive.
It may be a bit flashy, and I agree the graphics are good, but it's basically
just another juvenile powertrip, without any of the deeper insights of, say,
Lone Wolf and Cub, or even Usagi Yojimbo".  He thus manages to completely
block the latest nefarious attack from Manga Man, and without lowering himself
to a peurile "puncheminnaface" four color style.
  Kid Yesterdaze is momentarily entraced by the music.  He then frowns, "Not
bad, but have you ever heard Sgt. Pepper's?"  Not waiting for an answer, he
starts shuffling through his satchel.....
 Completely unaware that she has just foiled Manga Man's attack, Lurking Girl
focuses the totality of her lurking powers*, and turns solid long enough to
gasp to her fellow heroes "Y-plex...starch...must stop him!" before collapsing
into oblivion/Comix Limbo for another while...
[*did I mention I thought of changing my name to Psylurke?  >;-) ]
  Irony Man, in his hardsuit, puts up a fair effort against the whirlwind, but
finds even his imperviousness severely hampered by Manga Man's special effects.
  As he is piling aboard the bus, the Fanboy (incarnation #32, you know him)
is caught a glancing blow across the torso by a set of stray speed lines. He
collapses in a pool of blood, which dribbles from his mouth onto the ground in
a truly gross manner... a victim of Manga Man's special effects.
  While Manga Man's fighting abilities are far superior, he is outweighed in
numbers, and is beginning to tire. Throwing the Net.Heroes back for an instant,
he gathers all his energies and with a cry of "IKUZEIIIII!!!", blasts all
within a 60ft radius with a huge energy blast, directed from the Psychommu
systems in his suit. The Heroes, stunned, fall back as they are severely
depleted by the blast. Manga Man falls to his knees, but the Net.Heroes are
done, and leave for a more peaceful locale.
  Dr. Killfile approaches. "My name is Dr. Killfile."
  "I know," replies Manga Man wearily. "I read your synopsis. Quite impressive,
but simply ignoring the problem doesn't mean it's not there. We need a more
direct approach."
  Dr. Killfile agrees. He helps Manga Man to stand, and they head to the
Doctor's secret base, where the Doctor will monitor Manga Man as he recupes,
and Manga Man will tell the Doctor of his plans for a Wave Motion Flamer.

Meanwhile, having tapped into Net.heroes communication systems sometime ago,
        Y-plex Burp, (see issue #52 of The Might Of Capt'n Quaalude) thinks
        to himself, "Dr. Killfile could be useful to me."
"Average Thug, come here!"
        Average Thug enters.
"Average, take this message to Dr. Killfile.  Tell him I need an answer
        at once.  Oh, and on your way out, tell exceptional thug to
        activate Operation: Dry cleaning."
"At once, sir!"
"Soon these heroes will be out of my way once and for all! MUHAHAHAHAH!"

That night, all over the world, dry cleaners were kidnaped and replaced
with robotic duplicates.  Then the robots searched through all the dry
cleaning to be done, and when they found any sort of costume, they used
too much starch.

"No more mister nice I'm-gonna-destroy-planet-earth guy!  Let's see those
        Net.Heroes do a splash page with itchy costumes! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Lurking Girl, moving through the shadows in Y-plex Burp's command center
(hey, it's in a direct line between the MacLab and her dorm!), overhears
his nefarious plot.  She must warn the LNH!  But how?  This is her second
post in a WEEK--she is straining her power to its limits already!*  She
grits her teeth, intensifies her concentration, and focuses the totality of
her lurking powers to escape Y-plex's notice and warn her colleagues....

[*Ed. Note:  Lurking Girl's natural state is invisible and intangible,
 especially when trying to get someone's attention.]

"WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!"
Went Y-plex Burp as Exceptional Thug pushed Y-plex's chair around the room.
"Faster, FASTER!  I've got you now Net.Heroes! MUHAHAHAHA!  TA-KA-TA-KA-TA-KA!
 BOOM! Take that! And that and that and that!  Oh, enough fun.  Push me over
 to my desk."
Y-Plex pushes a button on his desk.
"Secretary Thug, get me security thug."
"Right away sir."
"--swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar.  Or would you--"
Y-plex Burk thinks to himself, "Someday, I've gotta come up with a way
 to pump elevator music into LNH HQ."
"Security Thug, here."
"Ah, security thug, have you been paying attention to the highly sensitve
 detection equipment?"
"Yes, sir."
"Have you seen anything, ANY-THING out of the ordinary?"
"No, sir. All's quiet down here."
"Very good, continue."
Y-Plex Burp hangs up.  He leans back into his chair.
He thinks to himself,  "Good. good.  If we haven't detected anybody, then
Lurking Girl has already been here.  All is going according to plan."
"Exceptional Thug!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Are all the dry cleaners replaced?"
"Yes, sir.
"And the costumes?"
"Itchy and scratchy, and ready to be shipped out."
"The capes, did you remember the capes?"
Y-plex leaps from his chair.
"THE CAPES MUST BE STIFF AS BOARDS!  THEY CAN STILL DO SPLASH PAGES AS LONG
 AS THEY HAVE CAPES THAT CAN FLAP IN THE WIND!!!"
"Uh... yes, sir.  I rem-membered the capes."
"Good. Good.  Begin shipping out the costumes.  Then make sure phase two is
 ready.  We might have to act quickly."
"Right away, sir."
"AFTER... you have pushed me around some more."

"WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!"

  Marvel_Zombie Boy senses something wrong back at the upside clubhouse,
because, now it is right side up. he turns around to see this big
pile of dung, landing upon him, smothering him to death.  A cloaked
figure stands alone in the room, decides to cast his spell onto the
pile.  The dung disappears, and Marvel-Zombie Boy has now reverted to
the Golden Age D.C. Comic Swipper Man.  

  Before the cloaked figure leaves, he tells the changed individual,
"The Time Crapper Has Returned!"

"Hey guys. I just handed in my application for the Legion of Net Heroes,
and they may take me in", says Sig.File Man.
"Yo, Dude. Like you used to be Kool, now you are just followin' the rest
of the crowd.  You used to be a trend maker for a couple people, but now
you are now in one.  You used to be a lead--", says Cliche Dude in
disgust.
"Why don't you just calm down.  I am tired of having the responsibility
of leading people.  I happen to like the idea of being part of a larger
organization.  It has its advantages.  I do not have to be on every
mission, and I like the pension plan they have", informs Sig.file man.
"Hey Cliche. I guess I will only be your sidekick, instead of being
both of yours."
"Wonderful." Cliche Dude says in between his final bites of his sub.
"Maybe you guys can also join up", points out Sig.File Man.
"We will think about it, but do not count on anything", claims Cliche
Dude.
"Let's head to Cd shop. I heard they have an import Kate Bush cd
single that I do not have in my collection yet, and I'm dyin' to
get it", says SideKick Man with a big smile on his face.
"Alright. We'll go."

Our trio walks along minding their own business when Sig.File Man
sees the Legion's van, and convinces the others to go with them to
see if they can talk with the Legionnaires.  When they get around
the van, they notice Manga Man.

"IKUZEEEIIIIIIIII!!!!!!" screams Manga man.
"Hey, its Manga Man.", points out SideKick Man.
"You know if we capture him, I may get to join the Legion", exclaims Sig.
File Man, as he pulls out a sig.file out of mid-air.
"Groovy!!!!!!" yells Cliche Dude.

  Calling upon his powers, Squid Boy calls upon the Great Squid. He feels
the Squid taking over his body just as Manga Man is distracted by the
sudden and unexpected appearance of a large .sig file in the area. While
Manga Man is deciding what to do, The Squid quickly entangles him using
Squid Boy's body. Manga Man is rapidly pummelled into unconsciousness by
the droning of Cliche Dude's phrases, while SideKick Man stands by and
looks useful.
  The Net.Heroes (now with the new members of Sig.File Man, Cliche Dude
and SideKick Man) quickly pile Manga Man into the back of the van and
prepare to contact the rest of the Heroes.
  "Dr. Stomper here - reporting, we have captured Manga Man!"
  "That's great!" replied Captain Cleanup from the Upside Headquarters.
"We've got good news, too - Marvel Zombie Lad has discovered the location
of Y-plex Burp's secret lab! We're heading over there right away. You'd
better bring Manga Man back here first, since we don't want him running
around at the scene of the conflict, and also - we need the van."
  "Roger. We're on our way!" finishes Cliche Dude.

  "Whrr?" queried Manga Man as he woke up in the back of the van, which
was travelling uptown at excessive speed. He was bound, and the power in
his power armour had been cut. He could hear a droning noise off to the
side. 'Hmm,' he thought, 'I'll break out and give these Net.heroes what
for!' He rolled over, and it was then that he saw what was making the
noise. The van's VCR was playing 'RoboTech'.
  "AAAGH!" screamed manga Man, threshing in his bonds. "Noooo! You can't
expose me to Macek's hack job! It's terrible! The dubbing sucks! The
plot...! My god! STOOP! Gimme the original Macross!"
  After several more seconds of this, Manga Man succumbed to the effects
of Minmay's singing (in English, the Japanese was better) and slumped to
the floor, unconscious...
  The Net.Heroes sped on.

        Suddenly, Doctor Stomper whipped out of his coat a metal , marked with  
caution symbols for radiation, biohazards, and even more deadly dangers.  "Come  
no further, Manga Man, or I shall unleash--THE MACEK BOMB!"

        As it happened, however, the fight was already over, as Manga Man had  
proven that, when distracted, he was easily caught, the fact that the Great  
Squid had done so being aside from the point.  Realizing that Manga Man would  
only be held by the Macekforce, he dutifully arranged the Robotech tapes used  
to subdue him en route to HQ after calling in the fact of the victory.

        After a due rest, however...

        "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!  Such a horror!  For we are now  
visited by---

        KIBOTHULU!!!!!!"

--
+----------------------------------+------------------------------+
| Doctor Stomper (aka T. M. Neeck) |                              |
|       Legion.of.Net.Heroes       |    WARNING:  This message    |
| NeXT: tne...@math.macalstr.edu   | contains a spurious warning. |
| VAX: tne...@mac.cc.macalstr.edu  |                              |