CRY.SIG #5: The Penultimate Chapter (whatever that means...)
bar...@wkuvx1.bitnet
THE LEGION OF NET.HEROES in
CRY.SIG ON INFINITE NET.EARTHS #5
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(get it? "Hollow-gram"!)
Ahem, anyway, on with the show....
CHAPTER FIVE:
Continuity Champ struggled to get his bearings as Harras the
Horrendous struck a Liefield-esque pose above him, his hands glowing
ominously.
"Your end is here, fool! None of your continuity warping powers can
affect me!"
A thought came to the fallen Champion. "Perhaps not, egregious
exiled Editor, but this can!" From somewhere in his costume, he
produced a sales sheet showing slumping sales on the X-books and
Avengers.
"No, no, it can't beeeeeeeee!!!!" Harras howled, his mind shattered
into a thousand shards, like so much glass. He slumped to the floor,
unable to face the horror.
"Hmmmpfh," Continuity Champ snorted. "He always was out of touch
with reality. This just proves the Editors sometimes don't even
consult sales figures. No wonder he was thrown out. Even the evil
ERNIE faction of the Editors couldn't stand him."
CC stagered to his feet, then heard the sounds of battle behind him.
Weakened, he made his way to his teammates.
* * * *
Meanwhile, the remaining Legionnaires faced the arch-villainess
Crossover Queen herself.
"Fools! I possess the Crossover Gem, one of the six gems able to
affect the r.a.c. reality! With it, I can commence the ULTIMATE
CROSSOVER! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"Already, reality begins to warp and shiver as rec.arts.comics dies!
I alone shall survive! I shall possess the bodies of the LNH users
and conquer all of reality and the Net! Nothing can stop me, for I am
Louise Simonson, the Crossover Queen!"
So that's her plan, the Time Crapper thought. Fortunately, it is
one I can implement myself, once I have that gem.
Things looked grim for the Legionnaires. The Champion staggered in,
but his powers were still badly drained from his fight with Harras.
Myk-El remained on his feet, as did Multi-Tasking Man. Super Apathy
Lad lay curled up asleep in one corner, his cape over him to serve as
a blanket and his thumb in his mouth. CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE was
catatonic on the ground, Marvel Zombie Boy was missing, and the others
were dead.
A new figure appeared. "I am Contraption Man, evil fiend! Know
this - Drizzt knew not if I was a new character or not, so he
retconned me as a future descendent of MZB and a member of the LNHSE
over 200 years from now!" He pulled out a plasma rifle. "Die, evil
witch!" He blasted her with the rifle as Multi-Tasking Man and Myk-El
charged.
Crossover Queen waved her hand, and the heroes flew away from her,
hitting the wall and slumping into unconsciousness.
"Pitiful fleas! I cannot be stopped!"
Continuity Champ gathered his power reserves. "So long as breath
remains within my body, Simonson, this evil scheme of yours will not
work."
"Well, then," she cackled, "we'll just have to make sure you don't
have any breath!" Her hands glowed with a fiery red light...
* * * *
In alt.fan.dan-quayle, the far-away team paused.
"According to the Editor detector we found," Parking Karma Lad said,
"the editors are near."
Just then, several towering figures appeared. "Who are you, mortal
fleas? What do you want with <dramatic pause> the Editors!"
"Was that a question?" someone asked.
The Editor was taken aback. "Why, yes, it was."
"It should end with a question mark, not an exclamation point."
Rebel Yell groaned inwardly as the Editor's eyes blazed at being
corrected. The only beings who could help save the world, and some
idiot had to develop punctuation correcting powers...
* * * *
NEXT TIME: The final battle! It all comes down to this true
believer! Be sure to stay tuned for the concluding chapter of CRY.SIG
ON INFINTE EARTHS! The fate of Marvel Zombie Boy! The Time Crapper
makes his move! This is one you dare not miss!
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Jeff Barnes "Mike, if my father were alive today, you
Western Kentucky University know what he'd say?"
Bar...@WKUVX1.BITNET "'Help, help, get me out of this coffin'?"
-SPIDER-MAN 2099 #1
My opinions are not necessarily those of WKU, but they should be! :+)
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