Dave's Previews Nattering - Spoilers for books shipping in April
                     From Diamond's _Previews_ Magazine

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     As always, this will reflect what struck my fancy, and may not cover all
the books you read.  If you want that, buy your own copy of _Previews_. }->

     Select Page Count, April - 34 (down 4 from March)

"PREMIER" SECTION

ACCLAIM

     These guys win the BGA (Bad Girl Art) prize for the month in the quantity
department.  A picture of a woman in a transparent top with stars over the tips
of her large bosoms is repeated 5 times in the first 30 pages of Previews.  An
additional dishonorable mention for the cover of Mutant Chronicles, which has a
monster-woman with nipples so erect she could punch holes in metal with them.

DC

     DC's entry in the BGA-fest is a picture of Artemis, back from the dead (so
now she has skulls on her costume).
     We have Annual Theme, and I'm not sure if it's gonna be a good thing.  The
premise is presented rather vaguely, but here's what little of it they nailed
down.
     1) It's a future.  No clue if it's supposed to be *the* future of the DCU,
or if it comes between now and the 30C.  But all the stories will be in one
particular future, just different planets.
     2) Earth is Dead.  Abandoned in a diaspora to the other worlds.
     3) No one in the future has any original ideas, so all the heroes are
based on 20C heroes.  Several different Supergirls, a corps of Robins, two
successors of Crab Face Guy, etc.
     More info as I get to specific Annuals.

     Takion, Kupperberg's new series, fills me with a sense of utter dread for
the Fourth World.  Takion the character is a...gag...SOURCE ELEMENTAL.  
Highfather turns a blind human into Takion in hopes of using him to help root
out the corruption in the Source.  And since the corrupted Source is the raison
d'etre of this new ongoing series, it doesn't look like the Source will be
clean again for a LONG time.  SIGH.

     While the real companies are doing it in earnest in the marketplace,
Sergio Aragones will be doing it in parody in April, as he Destroys DC and
Masscres Marvel.  There will be two 48 page issues, one in each universe.  Does
this mean Sergio is the character the two universes will share? }->

     Excuse me a moment while I wipe the drool off the picture of the Kingdom
Come retail poster.  Methinks I'll order a copy if I can....

     Green Lantern #74 introduces a *third* son of Darkseid's, named Grayven.  
Now, is this just a reall obscure character being dug up, or is Marz being
allowed to add to the mythos?
     Captain Marvel heads into space in POS #15, with yet another beautiful
cover.
     Yay!  The Trickster, Impulse and White Lightning all together in Impulse
#14!  Boo, fill-in art by Anthony Williams.
     The LSH T-Shirt is here, and the following Legionnaires are on it: Cosmic
Boy, Saturn Girl, Live Wire with new cybernetic arm, XS, Cham, Spark,
Leviathan, "Elf Lass" Zoe and Ultra Boy.
     In Legionnaires #37, the UP rescinds its draft, and drafted members are
free to quit the team if they wish to.  Does this mean the end of Gates?  Also,
Zoe confronts the Empress about the location of the Emerald Eye, so I guess
that plot doesn't wrap up anytime soon.
     Ray gets some "help" from a visitor from the future (Gaelon?) in #24, and
Vandal doesn't look too good.  Maybe Jazz stabbed him to get at Ray.
     Thierna Na Oge, from one of the older Aquaman LS's, returns to the plot in
Aquaman #21.  Given their views on perfect human forms (the heir to the throne
was disqualified when she lost her arm and got a magical prosthetic
replacement, patterned on Celtic myth), will they accept Aquaman as their
leader?  I doubt it.
     JLTF gets to try and save Skataris from a crazed wizard with an...ICBM?
     Apparently Superboy brings shame to the Super-franchise in the next two
issues, so Supergirl comes to Hawaii to knock some sense into him, but first
has to get past Knockout.
     The Legion of Doom launches their first strike against Our Heroes in
Extreme Justice #17
     Flash #114 trips into the 30C!
     Flex Mentallo is back, and written by Grant Morrison.  Gee, guess I'll
actually be buying a Vertigo title for the first time in years.
     The cute self-portrait in Ironwood #11 comes to life, as Bill Willingham
is drawing one of the two stories in Green Lantern Annual #5.
     Byrne brings back more dead characters, with Sinestro in Wonder Woman
#110.

IMAGE

     Still no Astro City.  Waaaaah!

"ESSENTIAL" SECTION

AMAZE INK/SLAVE LABOR

     Scarlet Thunder #3!  Red Bolt and Blue Streak behind Nazi lines!

BIG/TEKNO

     Their multiply-repeated entry in the BGA contest is a leather-clad
dominatrix with a whip and green Bride Of Frankenstein hair.

BLACKOUT

     It wouldn't be Previews without offensive ads by Blackout, and this one's
right down there in the gutter with their usual offerings.  Lady Vampre', in a
little leather and on a motorcycle, while other similarly-clad female vampires
writhe around the bike.

BROADWAY

     It's a first!  No women being beaten up in their ads, or dressed in bad
girl outfits.

HARRIS

     Full page ad for Cyberfrog #2, oh joy.  No quote mining, though.

LONDON NIGHT

     Big full page ad with the camera peering down a model's cleavage,
advertising their upcoming lingerie special.  BGA demerits.

TOPPS

     Again, it really wouldn't be Previews without a full page picture of Lady
Rawhide drawn by Adam Hughes in a BGA situation.  In this case, caught while
undressing.

"SELECT" SECTION

KNIGHT ANGEL STUDIOS

     Okay, others have it on quantity, but the full page ad for Raptus #3 has
got to be the most thinly disguised tracing of a porn mag layout pose in the
entire Previews.  This makes Vampirella look overdressed.  About 5/6 of each
breast and 1/2 of the mons are exposed.  This wins the "Page Most Likely To End
Up In Junior High School Lockers" Award.

     Kinda sad that the only thing worth commenting on in the "Select" part is
the BGA, but there wasn't anything terribly interesting happening in the books
I read in Select.  And a few companies apparently bought their way up to
Essential this month.
     I'm not sure I'm going to bother with a full-feed Nattering after this.  
It's gotten so all I'm doing is DC, one or two other books, and then
complaining about all the BGA.  And while complaining about BGA can be
therapeutic, the situation really isn't changing, it's no longer news that
borderline porn is in Previews.  I may just do a DC Nattering next month and
skip the rest.

     Dave Van Domelen, tempted to run around the Previews offices stamping the
letter "H" (for "hentai," or "pervert") on the heads of everyone there and
leave it at that....