In article <7l9hvd$ge
...@santaclara.santafe.edu>, "jpayne"
<jpa
...@roadrunner.com> wrote:
> Where the hell is Dazzler?
I have it on good money that Dazzler is currently in North Hollywood,
California, strung out on a binge of angel dust, Twizzlers and
cherry-flavored antacid, after a failed attempt to restart her now-doomed
career with a change in music stylings. Her Marilyn Manson-esque single
"My Fucking Mutant Chromosomes", while lauded by certain critics (who,
incidentally, heretofore only seemed to enjoy Mother's Apple and Alfred E.
Neuman's "It's A Gas"), tanked almost immediately. This came as a great
shock to Alison (hence the abuse of drugs, candy and over-the-counter
remedies), whose last previous creative effort involved making Longshot
believeable as a TV star. Her sponsoring him as Bronson Pinchot's even
weirder cousin in a "Perfect Strangers" spinoff, however, was equally
unsuccessful. (Why do you *think* we haven't heard from ol' Bronson
lately?) After that fiasco, Longshot left Alison for a clone of Roseanne,
claiming it had the lovable charm of Mojo's stepdaughter. Alison took it
rather hard, jumping into the arms of both Bob Uecker *and* Irving
Forbush...who wanted nothing to do with her. Distraught and noticing a bit
of extra poundage in her ass [1], she descended into a vicious spiral of
Sunset Boulevard hookers and drugs. And that's my story, and I'm stickin'
to it.
[1] Before you jump on me for this, you should see *my* ass. (Ewww....)
--
I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf. -- Robert
Bloch
Danny Miller...goes well with fava beans and a nice Chianti
damil...@bu.edu