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LNH: Haiku Gorilla # 251: Support Your Local Gorilla: The Mind-Shattering Conclusion!

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Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 1, 2006, 5:42:48 PM11/1/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 251

" what should I do Gore
one percent approval rate
pineapple pollsters "

(C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL.

And so begins the fourth and final month of SUPPORT
YOUR LOCAL GORILLA. To recap for those coming in
late:

HAIKU GORILLA is running for the Net.ropolis Senate
Seat. His archnemesis, BRIEFCASE-EATER LAD, runs
against him with the support of UNITED STATES
PRESIDENT HEXADECIMAL LUTHOR. Revelations of Haiku's
abandoned "wife", Lady Gorilla, send his campaign
reeling.

But it's not enough, and Briefcase-Eater Lad's
platform is too liberal for the ultra-right Hex
Luthor. Briefcase-Eater Lad is locked away along with
Lady Gorilla. The mysterious LUGGAGE-EATER LAD takes
his place, and begins accusing Haiku Gorilla of
murdering Lady Gorilla.

Last month, Briefcase-Eater Lad (who knows sign
language) told Lady Gorilla what he knew of his life
story-- which is precious little. Upon waking up in a
bathtub full of ice (in 2000), missing a liver and
with no memory as to who he was or how he got there,
he discovers that he is an assassin named Tuck, hired
to kill then-Presidential Candidate Hex Luthor. He
confessed to Hex and Hex thanked him for the honesty,
promising him a favour-- the same favour that wiped
clean his extensive criminal record, thus allowing him
to run in the first place.

It is revealed that Hex had hired Luggage-Eater Lad to
assassinate him. And, as LEL heads to the final
debate with Haiku Gorilla, Hex secretly releases BEL
and Lady Gorilla from their captivity.

And now, it all comes together, in this month's
conclusion of SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL GORILLA!

. __________
/ \
| TOM |
\ RUSSELL /
\___ __/
| /
|/
____
/ ..\ *
\____/ * | *
-----------------|---|---------------
-------------------------------------
- turtleneckfilms.blogspot.com ------
-------------------------------------
-------fun sites to visit------------
----- www.wilsego.com/racc ----------
----- www.monitorduty.com -----------
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_LNH -------
youtube.com/profile?user=therussells
-------------------------------------

see the zombie sitcom, NED & SUNSHINE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fen83bl8jSw



____________________________________________________________________________________
Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail
(http://advision.webevents.yahoo.com/mailbeta/)

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 1, 2006, 8:15:38 PM11/1/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 252

quit: confirms rumours --
try: lose -- or win -- not easy
penguins persevere

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 2, 2006, 9:11:25 AM11/2/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 253

his resolve strengthened!
Gore wishes him luck: debate
election evening

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 2, 2006, 5:29:00 PM11/2/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 254

Luggage-Eater Lad
disguised: Briefcase; first question--
trees: green tall and proud

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 3, 2006, 7:51:15 PM11/3/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 255: Luggage-Eater Lad's Reasoned Response

"There's plent of 'em!!
Tree-huggers!! impede progress!!!
More carbon than cars!!!!"

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 3, 2006, 10:22:02 PM11/3/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 256: Haiku Gorilla's Rebuttal

" we are not better
nor worse than trees, birds, air: life
life is all the same "

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 4, 2006, 7:56:28 AM11/4/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 257

question for H. G.--
english -- national language?
beetles click the same!

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 4, 2006, 7:19:43 PM11/4/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 258

" first be fluent in
sympathy, in love and peace
then learn cold dead words "

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 5, 2006, 9:59:11 AM11/5/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 259

"Speak American!!!
Build a fence!!!! He'll steal my job!!!!!
Dirty chihuahuas!!!!!!!!"

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 5, 2006, 12:17:13 PM11/5/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 260

"Briefcase"-Eater Lad--
dissent in dangerous times?
eagle's egg-shell tears

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 5, 2006, 4:22:09 PM11/5/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 261

"With us or against!!!
Traitors!!!! Embolden!!!!! Safety!!!!!!
Torture???? Bad apples!!!!!!!!"

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 5, 2006, 8:45:00 PM11/5/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 262

"He's an imposter!
I am Briefcase-Eater Lad!"
a gasp! of lightning

BRIEFCASE-EATER LAD (C) JAMIE ROSEN.

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 6, 2006, 12:22:17 AM11/6/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 263

"He kidnapped me -- and
her! Tried to frame Haiku for
her murder -- you rat!"

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 6, 2006, 4:10:50 AM11/6/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 264

Lady Gorilla
rushes to her hubby's side
a warm green embrace

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 6, 2006, 9:39:34 AM11/6/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 265

Luggage-Eater Lad
turns towards his doppelganger
volcanic veins pop!

BRIEFCASE-EATER LAD (C) JAMIE ROSEN.
(C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL.

Remember, kids! Haiku Gorilla and Briefcase-Eater Lad want YOU to vote
tomorrow!

Says the Seventeen-Syllable Simian:

" all rabbits: carrots
be passionate, emphatic--
vote democratic! "

Briefcase-Eater Lad advises you to "vote for a Republican who cares
about the poor, understands the folly in Iraq, cares about the
environment, and supports equal rights for all people, regardless of
ethnicity, religion, gender, or sexuality. Like... um... uh... (c'mon,
there has to be at least one)... errr...

"Okay, okay. Just vote Democratic."

:-)

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 6, 2006, 4:40:39 PM11/6/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 266

"You can't beat me boy!!!
I'm the real deal!!!! You're a clone!!!!!
Shoulda stayed on ice!!!!!!!!!!"

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 6, 2006, 9:58:22 PM11/6/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 267

"What, didn't ya know???!!!
Grown to replace my liver!!!!!!
Dozens o' ya gnats!!!!!!!"

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 7, 2006, 1:19:27 AM11/7/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 268: Briefcase-Eater Lad's Lament

"Not a man... a clone...
just a body... not a soul
a husk without corn."

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 7, 2006, 4:01:43 PM11/7/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 269

" a husk cannot think
bones cannot feel and aspire
trees are more than trees "

BRIEFCASE-EATER LAD (C) JAMIE ROSEN.
(C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL.

Americans: did you vote today?

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 7, 2006, 5:50:27 PM11/7/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 270

B. E. L. buoy'd by
ape's words-- thanks his enemy,
turns to fight himself

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 7, 2006, 11:49:14 PM11/7/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 271

the battle is joined
fists fly without consequence
antlers unyielding

BRIEFCASE-EATER LAD (C) JAMIE ROSEN.
(C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL.

God bless John Dingell, the Dean of the House-- I'm proud to have him
for my congressman.

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 8, 2006, 1:42:12 AM11/8/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 272

too evenly matched
H. G. offers assistance
his rainbow rebuffed

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 8, 2006, 8:37:22 AM11/8/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 273

"Not your fight, Haiku.
It's mine. I have to beat him.
Oh, uh... wind... (um)... blows?"

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 8, 2006, 6:16:28 PM11/8/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 274

"I'll destroy you clone!!!
Name your weapon!!!! Smegma-breath!!!!!!
Crush you!!!!!! Like an!!!!!!!!! Orange!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 8, 2006, 11:07:14 PM11/8/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 275

B. E. L.'s weapon:
a briefcase-eating contest
harvest overdue

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 9, 2006, 9:06:50 AM11/9/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 276

combatants seated
a banquet of briefcases
garden of deep browns

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 9, 2006, 5:25:46 PM11/9/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 277

B. E. L. scarfs down
three in one gulp; L. E. L.
nixons like a pig

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 9, 2006, 9:11:15 PM11/9/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 278

L. E. L. chokes on
uncoop'rative leather--
face blue like clear skies

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 10, 2006, 12:09:20 AM11/10/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 279

"real" Tuck arrested--
clone exalted: cheering crowd
elephant's parade

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 10, 2006, 6:24:04 PM11/10/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 280

Briefcase-Eater Lad
clears Haiku, fingers Luthor
vote for me at dawn

BRIEFCASE-EATER LAD (C) JAMIE ROSEN.

HEXADECIMAL LUTHOR (C) CHRIS HARE/SAXON BRENTON.

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 10, 2006, 8:20:52 PM11/10/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 281

that night, the news spreads:
H. G. back in LNH
morning approaches

BRIEFCASE-EATER LAD (C) JAMIE ROSEN.

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 10, 2006, 11:20:25 PM11/10/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 282

election day dawns
exit polls seem neck-and-neck
unseason'bly warm

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 11, 2006, 9:05:26 AM11/11/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 283

H. G. takes slight lead
(don't want a clone!!! for Senate!!!!)
an old maple's shade

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 11, 2006, 4:57:42 PM11/11/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 284

no-one believes "Hex
conspiracy" theory: hurts
last leaf of autumn

BRIEFCASE-EATER LAD (C) JAMIE ROSEN.

HEX LUTHOR (C) CHRIS HARE/SAXON BRENTON.

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 11, 2006, 7:54:15 PM11/11/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 285

dems take house, senate
Haiku G claims victory!
first snow of winter

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 12, 2006, 12:13:45 AM11/12/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 286: Haiku Gorilla's Acceptance Speech

" trickling stream, flowing
from the blue ocean, towards great
mountains: crowned with frost "

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 12, 2006, 2:26:06 AM11/12/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 287

he kisses his wife
and wonders if he means it
she does: warm, flowing...

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 12, 2006, 2:54:12 AM11/12/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 288

they stare, unblinking
neither knows their spouse's heart
but they'll try, like eggs

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 12, 2006, 11:42:13 AM11/12/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 289

Haiku Gorilla
knocks on Gore's door-- Jane answers
salmon finds its birth

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 12, 2006, 3:21:07 PM11/12/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 290

" came to say good-bye
came to thank Gore for his help
glittering sunlight "

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 12, 2006, 6:01:57 PM11/12/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 291

"I'll tell my husband
you stopped by. You want some tea?
Leaves ground and soaking...?"

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 12, 2006, 10:08:38 PM11/12/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 292

" no: have to get back
to my wife -- and washington
waits like white petals "

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 13, 2006, 12:22:27 AM11/13/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 293

Jane shuts the door and
calls President Hex Luthor
sobs choked and froggy

HEX LUTHOR (C) CHRIS HARE/SAXON BRENTON.

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 13, 2006, 2:23:18 AM11/13/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 294

Hex has her hubby
won't be harmed-- cooperate
bees-- mindful of hive

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 13, 2006, 9:39:18 AM11/13/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 295

monkey elected--
where I want him-- people chess--
autumn into place

Tom Russell

unread,
Nov 13, 2006, 9:57:07 AM11/13/06
to
HAIKU GORILLA # 296

"And one more thing, Jane--
does your ape know Hex Luthor
has his newborn son?"

HEX LUTHOR (C) CHRIS HARE/SAXON BRENTON.
(C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL.

... and I think that's where we'll close things off for this storyline.
:-)

We'll see you all again next year-- probably in the spring. Hold tight
until then, and don't forget to try your hand at the Haiku Gorilla
fan-fiction contest this January-- and don't forget to participate in
Apes Month in general.

And I just want to thank everyone for supporting your local gorilla!

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