(C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL.
--
Tom Russell
Director of MILOS,
LIFE AND TIMES OF
A DREAMER
"If a comic book, book, movie or novel is not somebody's fantasy
then who wrote it and to whom does it appeal to? In order for a
shared universe to have a widespread appeal, it has to appeal on
a primal level. If somebody says superhero comics are just 'wish
fulfillment' then he needs to explain what is entertainment that
doesn't satisfy our wishes and what satisfaction at all you can get
from it." -- Dr. Martin Phipps
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
My apologies,
Tom Russell
Doctors call him hopeless
can't play any reindeer games
a sting worse than frost
Gah!!
I can't believe I made such a stupid mistake.
Let's try this again:
They call him hopeless
can't play any reindeer games
a sting worse than frost
> (C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL.
Ditto.
She reads to the ape
like cherry blossoms, love bursts
kisses are stolen
Lovers discovered
Jane leaves in disgrace: good-bye
a dry leaf crumpled
LETTERS PAGE (SENRYU-KEN!)
Dear Senryu-ken!,
This is brilliant
Snow is falling on the leaves
Better than Watchmen
--Adrian James McClure
Dear Adrian,
Glad you're enjoying the series. In answer to your questions:
(1) Yes.
(2) Possibly. Check your e-mail.
(3) All will be revealed in due time.
(4) You might want to check out our spin-off title, HAIKU GORILLA
TEAM-UP.
Other apes shun him
doctors sneer and Jane is gone
a long cold winter
Fur matted with tears
the lonely gorilla speaks
blistering sunshine
"Worms from mother's mouth
"the taste of spring is bitter
"with no one to feed."
Excited doctors
an ape that can speak English!
great pumpkins grinning
Talking paws jealous
the talking mouth exalted
speak oh gentle wind
Media darling
funding increased, diverted
insert kigo here
Doctors buy him things
widowed geese can't live alone
things give no comfort
"When will Jane come back?
"It can't be summer, too cold.
"It must be autumn."
Jane cannot return
you can't fly south, silly goose
learn to love your cage
They give him a mate
her fingertips profess love
crickets can't hear trees
She tries to listen
he feels more alone with her
trees can't hear crickets
Like a tiger caged
he yearns for full free summer
plot, pussycat, plot!
HAIKU GORILLA # 16
He's too valuable
institute won't let him leave
scarecrows 'round his cell
When she wakes, he's gone
guards with the stuffing torn out
swans can't sing but once
His name without sound
her fingers dancing with air
christmas cha-cha-cha
(Couldn't figure out
How to work in season word
On first day of spring.)
"Wretched jellyfish!
"he must be brought back! summon
"Briefcase-Eater Lad!"
SENRYU-KEN! (LETTERS PAGE)
Dear Senryu-Ken!,
--Adrian James McClure
Dear Adrian,
Haiku Gorilla asked to answer your reply himself:
"Violence is folly
"embrace peace and contemplate
"the cherry blossoms."
That being said, H. G. would totally kick his ass.
(C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL. Briefcase-Eater Lad is the creation
of Joltin' Jamie Rosen and used with his permission.
Walking on real grass
cold night air, moon on his fur
first time in his life
LAST TIME, ON SENRYU-KEN! (LETTERS PAGE)
>
> Dear Senryu-Ken!,
>
> Who'd win? Our hero
> Or Gothic Gorilla from
> Saviors of the Net?
>
> (Couldn't figure out
> How to work in season word
> On first day of spring.)
>
> --Adrian James McClure
>
> Dear Adrian,
>
> Haiku Gorilla asked to answer your reply himself:
>
> "Violence is folly
> "embrace peace and contemplate
> "the cherry blossoms."
>
> That being said, H. G. would totally kick his ass.
As you are no doubt aware, in the hour between the publication of HAIKU
GORILLA # 19 and the time at which I write these words, the Haiku
Gorilla message-boards have been invaded by two hundred members of the
Gothic Gorilla fandom. The heated discussion soon turned into an
all-out flame war, with insults, offensive fan art, and threats of
violence being bandied about. The inflammatory users were banned from
the message board-- but more came to take their place. (Most likely it
is only a handful of users utilizing sock-puppets.)
The board was soon shut down, and the war moved to e-mail, phone calls,
and eventually letter bombs. A member of the Haiku Gorilla fandom was
brutally wiffle-batted to death by an irate Gothic Gorilla fan; in
retaliation, several fans took it upon themselves to fight back,
penning a number of anti-semetic cartoons and beheading Brian Michael
Bendis while the controversial emasculator of superheroes was dining at
a Kentucky Fried Chicken.
First of all, folks, Bendis has nothing to do with Gothic Gorilla! (Or
Haiku Gorilla, for that matter.) If you're going to vent aggression,
at least vent it at the right place!
Secondly, don't vent your aggression! It's only a comic, for
goodness's sake! What kind of idiot kills people over a comic? (The
same kind of people that kills the _wrong_ people over a comic, I
guess.) If you're going to kill somebody, kill someone who deserves
it!
And finally, don't kill anybody!
Let's all just step back, calm down, and look at things rationally,
okay? Haiku Gorilla does not enjoy or condone the use of violence
(except when wielded against hapless security guards keeping him
captive and preventing his reunion with his one true love, Doctor
Jane). Short of Hooded Hoo'dwin, there's no way in the Looniverse that
Haiku Gorilla and Gothic Gorilla are going to fight (unless, of course,
Gothic Gorilla is a hapless security guard keeping him captive and
preventing his reunion with his one true love, Doctor Jane)! So it's
really a moot point, isn't it?
That being said, IF... and I'm just saying IF... they *were* going to
fight... well, let's approach this logically, shall we?
1. Haiku Gorilla has had twenty issues (plus an annual) of HIS OWN
magazine, and counting
2. Gothic Gorilla has had no issues (plus no annual) of HIS OWN
magazine
Therefore: Haiku Gorilla is more popular
1. The most popular character is more likely to win a hero vs. hero
fight
2. Haiku Gorilla is more popular
Therefore: Haiku Gorilla is going to win...
... unless there is a story reason why Haiku Gorilla would lose to
Gothic Gorilla, resulting in a deeper appreciation of Haiku Gorilla's
character. But:
1. Haiku Gorilla speaks in haikus
2. Gothic Gorilla does not
Therefore: Gothic Gorilla is the total opposite of Haiku Gorilla
1. Haiku Gorilla is not a cat
2. Gothic Gorilla is the total opposite of Haiku Gorilla
Therefore: Gothic Gorilla is a pussy.
So, folks, let's stop fighting. Put an end to all the name-calling,
the purposefully inciteful comments, and the flame-baiting.
It is only March
Think of the implications
For the next Ape month
No last name for Jane
there's no such thing as hopeless
for each leaf, a face
SENRYU-KEN! (LETTERS PAGE)
Dear Senryu-Ken!,
On the subject of Haiku Gorilla vs. Gothic Gorilla:
Respectively,
Joltin' Jamie Rosen
Dear The Joltin' One,
By which time HAIKU GORILLA ADVENTURES will probably be on issue #
1000, thus beating CEREBUS as the highest-numbered creator-owned
series. That's right, Sims. We're calling you out. Look at it
logically:
1. Dave Sims is a misogynist.
2. Haiku Gorilla is not.
Therefore: Davd Sims is the exact opposite of Haiku Gorilla.
1. Haiku Gorilla is not a cat.
...I think you can figure out the rest for yourself.
~.~
Dear Senryu-Ken!,
OMG i cant believe youd say that GG soooooooooo rawks and culd totlly
pwnz0r that wimpy HG!!!!111!!!!1 your just jelous i bet your relly
relly
mean111!!!1!111!!!!!
Sincerely,
Jaelle
Dear Jaelle,
I must admit that at first I had some trouble deciphering your
missive. But then I got ahold of a copy of the Voynich manuscript, and
using it as a key, I was able to decode. And, having decoded, I must
say that I agree with you 100 %. Translating for those not in the
know:
Gothic Gorilla (GG) does indeed reek (rawks) like cold tater-tots
(culd totlly) of the variety pawned (pwnzOr) by J. Wellington Wimpy
(wimpy) in order to procure a hamburger (HG).
But why you're sending us your Popeye fan-fiction is beyond me.
At a library
newspapers on microfiche
the dawn's red promise
"Doctor Jane Goodle
"of Net.ropolis disgraced"
media monsoon
Unlisted number
still, a name and a city
pumpkins come from seeds
Briefcase presented
Briefcase-Eater Lad eats it
wheat threshed at harvest
"Tasty. What's in it?"
"That was your downpayment, sir."
spiders spinning silk
Briefcase-Eater Lad (C) COPYRIGHT Joltin' Jamie Rosen and used with
permission.
Library a lead
Briefcase-Eater Lad follows
woodchuck's shadow seen
Claiming he's a fed
the PATRIOT ACT invoked
books weeping torrents
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
Newspapers retrieved
destination determined
clouds are people too
Briefcase-Eater Lad (C) COPYRIGHT Non-Joltin' Jamie Rosen and used with
Not without my permission, you can't.
And that's seven syllables in the final line.
--Tom
Hmm. I don't actually remember writing that last line. Strange. Must
be the spirit of Haiku Gorilla possessing me.
--Tom
The Institute called
files consulted, address found
like a scythe through wheat
Jane answers the door
teeth tearing through his briefcase
a soulless thresher
"Where's the gorilla?"
drools imitation leather
summer swelter swoon
He enters her house
puts sleeping beauty on sofa
time to hibernate
He enters her house
puts sleeping beauty on couch
time to hibernate
Keen eyes scan the room
no sign of the gorilla
soft! the brown monsoon
No fur on the seat
digested leather spills out
cherry blossoms? no
Two-ply quilted love
aching puckering pink rose
a courtesy flush
Too much quilted love
no one foresaw breached levees
Montezuma's flood
Plunger not working
flooded city abandoned
a bird in the Bush
He seeks sustenance
cheap vinyl embarrassment
cameo apples
Bites balsa wood frame
the distinct click of a gun
white lillies grinning
He drops the briefcase
"Talk!" Jane's gun demands for her
cornered cunning fox
"Ten thou per diem
"to bring the ape back alive."
warmth suffocates snow
"But why come to me?
"Haven't seen him since I left."
reply: spring invoked
Briefcase-Eater Lad (C) COPYRIGHT Non-Joltin' Jamie Rosen and used
with permission.
SENRYU-KEN! (SORT OF LETTERS PAGE)
We do have a back-log of letters to address, and we promise, we
*will* get to them in due time. In fact, to reward your patience,
Haiku Gorilla _himself_ will answer the backlog of letters.
But because of the statement of ownership included on this page,
that will have to wait for next time! I'd just like to take the little
space we do have, then, to address a couple of concerns:
One being the misconception that HAIKU GORILLA is some fly-by-night
attempt to rig the Rabbit Breeder's Cup for next year's RACCies
ceremony. Nothing could be farther from the truth! First of all, the
Cup measures quantity-- volume, not issue numbers. Secondly, in the
spirit of fair play, I hereby _reject_ any and all nominations for the
Rabbit Breeder's Cup. I disqualify myself from that particular race.
The second concern of mine is for our moderator/archivist, Russ
"Eagle" Allbery. HAIKU GORILLA is a unique series, and as such poses a
unique problem for the archivist not dissimiliar from the same problem
that arose on the Wil's Ego RACC page: namely, there are an _awful_ lot
of installments. And so I'd like to go on record now and say that you
don't have to archive or keep the individual installments. I'll just
post a collected version when the time is right.
U.S. POSTAL SERVICE STATEMENT OF OWNERSHIP, MANAGEMENT AND CIRCULATION
(REQUIRED BY 39 U.S.C. 3685)
1. Publication title: HAIKU GORILLA ADVENTURES
2. Publication number: 123456789
3. Filing Date: March 27, 2006
4. Issue Frequency: Too Frequent
5. No. of Issues published annually: More than 10, larger than a
breadbox
6. Annual subscription price: $ 0.00
7. Complete mailing address of known office of publication:
milos_...@yahoo.com
8. Complete mailing address of headquarters of general business office
of publisher: Same.
9. Full names and complete mailing addresses of Publisher, Editor, and
Managing Editor: Tom Russell, milos_...@yahoo.com, Tom Russell,
milos_...@yahoo.com, Tom Russell, milos_...@yahoo.com.
10. Owner: Haiku Gorilla runs wild and free, and is chained by no man.
11. Sex: Yes, please.
12. Tax status: oh shit! I should do that tonight!
13. Publication title: wait, didn't I already do this one?
14. Issue date for circulation data below: March 27, 2006.
15. Etent and Nature of circulation
A. Total No. Copies Printed: um, one. For my wife.
B. Paid and/or Requested Circulation: zilch.
C. Total Paid and/or Request Circulation: dude, are you listening to
me? I said zilch. Geez. Way to rub it in.
D: Free distribution by mail: does this include newsgroups?
E: Free distribution outside the mail: oh, shit, this is where the
newsgroup info goes. Shit. Sorry. Man, I need to get some white-out.
F. Total Free Distribution: yeah, pretty much.
G: Total Distribution: que?
H. Copies not distributed: Possibly.
I. Total: I prefer Raisin Bran.
16. Publication of Statement of Ownership: Right here, bay-by!
17: Signature and Title of Editor, Publisher, Business Manager, or
owner:
--
Tom Russell
Director of MILOS,
LIFE AND TIMES OF
A DREAMER
"If a comic book, book, movie or novel is not somebody's fantasy
then who wrote it and to whom does it appeal to? In order for a
shared universe to have a widespread appeal, it has to appeal on
a primal level. If somebody says superhero comics are just 'wish
fulfillment' then he needs to explain what is entertainment that
doesn't satisfy our wishes and what satisfaction at all you can get
from it." -- Dr. Martin Phipps
Arthur "I can't think of anything to write here" Spitzer
> Does Russ still archive new stories? Looking at the archives it's been
> awhile.
Russ has them all but almost no time. Russ keeps planning on going back
to archive the ones that he's saved that are just waiting for archives and
one of these days will put the time into doing that.
--
Eagle (ea...@eyrie.org) Windrider of Crossroads
<http://www.eyrie.org/~eagle/> rec.arts.comics.creative moderator
> Arthur Spitzer <arsp...@earthlink.net> writes:
>
>> Does Russ still archive new stories? Looking at the archives it's been
>> awhile.
>
> Russ has them all but almost no time. Russ keeps planning on going back
> to archive the ones that he's saved that are just waiting for archives and
> one of these days will put the time into doing that.
Yeah, I know the problem. :) Just wondering. It's amazing that you're
still moderating this group. What's it been? Nine Years?
As long as you don't start talking like Obscure Trivia Lad everything
should be fine. :)
Arthur "Keep up the good work, Russ!" Spitzer
"You think I loved him?"
Jane laughs. "It was just a fling!"
forgotten acorns
Briefcase-Eater Lad (C) COPYRIGHT Non-Joltin' Jamie Rosen and used
with permission.
SENRYU-KEN! (LETTERS PAGE)
As promised, the backlog has been taken care of with answers by
Haiku Gorilla, personally.
Dear Senryu-Ken!,
Don't worry TR
I'll email you quite soon now
This series still rocks
Passionately,
Adrian James McClure
Haiku Gorilla's answer:
Adrian McClure,
the wind blows through the meadows
so keep on rockin'
--
Dear Senryu-Ken!,
Said like Johnny C.
Pla-ah-ah-eese no more
I can post 'lost' Teenfactors.
Your Beloved Bun,
Jesse N. Willey
Haiku Gorilla's answer:
Jesse 'n' Willey
sitting in a tree, K-I-
S-S-I-N-G!
--
Dear Senryu-Ken!,
The difference is
Like ice cream in the summer
These stories are good.
Wish I Were Joltin',
Jamie Rosen
Haiku Gorilla's answer:
Non-Joltin' Jamie,
you remember Superman
brand ice cream? tasty
--
Dear Half-Brains,
Re: "Total: I prefer raisin bran"
Half a brain - whole grain
Total makes a rasin bran.
Total rasin bran.
Snively,
Whiplash
Haiku Gorilla's answer:
::PPPHHHHT!::
And that's it for the letters.
As the Californa Rasins sad, I hard it throgh the grapevne... that our
next isse featres the return of the one, the only HAKU GORLLA!!!
(C) COPYRGHT 2006 TOM RUSSLL.
A knock at the door
anticipation of spring
door opens: it is he
Briefcase-Eater Lad (C) COPYRIGHT Non-Joltin' Jamie Rosen and used with
permission.
SENRYU-KEN! (POETRY CORNER)
And now, an appreciation...
Selfless, no reward:
(archives, mod., website hosting)
a helping talon
" I knocked on each door
one-by-one, til I found yours
soft sweet summer dusk. "
Moment's distraction
briefcase remnants disarm Jane
sudden hoary frost
Briefcase-Eater Lad (C) COPYRIGHT Jamie Rosen and used with permission.
(C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL.
SENRYU-KEN! (PAGE OF SPECIAL THANKS)
Thanks...
... to Jamie Rosen, for writing the first talking apes story of '05
... to Saxon Brenton, for inspiring Apes Month
... to Andrew Perron, for the Just Imagine cascade
... to Jesse N. Willey, for quixotically trying to recapture the magic
of said cascade, inspiring the creation of Haiku Gorilla... during Apes
Month
... to Adrian James McClure, for inspiring that stalwart simian's
return by creating a cascade that Jesse N. Willey quixotically tried to
hijack with the cascade that birthed H. G. in the first place
... and to Mary Russell, for saying, Hey, Why Not Give Haiku Gorilla
His Own Series.
# 4 is mostly done... I just need to get the use of a special guest
star approved, and do some editing/tightening up-- so it might end up
posted next month. Probably a Master Blaster special at that time, as
well. I dunno.
And more Haiku Gorilla. :-)
Tom "at the very least, by keeping it in one thread, those who don't
want to read it can ignore it" Russell
Jane is pushed aside
"You're going down, monkey-boy..."
summer to a boil
" Men kill not for food
or to protect; they strike in
mindless rage: a storm. "
"If you fight, or not,
I'm still gonna take you back."
pristine waterfall
" Starlings do not fight
neither consent to be caged
Imperius Rex! "
The battle is joined!
Briefcase-Eater Lad falters
crumpling like a leaf
Half-eaten briefcase
Jane holds it up: "Horse physic.
"Husband's a vet." ...cold...
A knock at the door
anticipation of spring
opens: it is he
Husband's name is Steve
met in winter, wed in spring
she'll always love him
There have been others
horses, dolphins, echidnas
sweet, sweet amplexus
At a library
newspapers on microfiche
the dawn's red promise
No last name for Jane
there's no such thing as hopeless
each leaf, its own face
SENRYU-KEN!
Dear Senryu-Ken!,
OMG i cant believe youd say that GG soooooooooo rawks and culd totlly
pwnz0r that wimpy HG!!!!111!!!!1 your just jelous i bet your relly
relly
mean111!!!1!111!!!!!
Sincerely,
Jaelle
Dear Jaelle,
I was a little baffled at first, but with the use of my copy of the
Voynich manuscript, I was able to translate, and, now that I understand
the code you're using, I must say, I couldn't agree more. Gothic
Gorilla (GG) does indeed reek (rawks) like cold tater-tots (culd
totlly) of the variety often pawned (pwnzOr) by J. Wellington Wimpy
(wimpy) in order to secure a hamburger (HG).
But why you're sending us your Popeye fan-fiction is quite beyond
me.
No last name for Jane
there's no such thing as hopeless
each leaf, its own face
SENRYU-KEN!
Dear Senryu-Ken!,
OMG i cant believe youd say that GG soooooooooo rawks and culd totlly
pwnz0r that wimpy HG!!!!111!!!!1 your just jelous i bet your relly
relly
mean111!!!1!111!!!!!
Sincerely,
Jaelle
Dear Jaelle,
I couldn't agree more. Gothic Gorilla (GG) does reek (rawks) like
"Doctor Jane Goodle
"of Net.ropolis disgraced"
media monsoon
Paramedics leave
Jane offers tea to her guest
drink of the dead leaves
Briefcase-Eater Lad (C) COPYRIGHT Jamie Rosen.
" Do you love me, Jane?
will you take my paw and sit?
sleepy autumn eve. "
A windless winter
cold and deaf, rendered mute, still
she's run out of smiles
an empty tea cup
oak door closes behind him
a cold orange sundown
" Lost dogs brave the snow
they paw at their master's door
the house is empty. "
the park: grass mattress
the sky: a twinkling blanket
sweet banana dreams
" I spoke for you, Jane
and, speaking, I was defined
like shores shape their lakes. "
" Without Jane, no shore
a lake without, lake no more
just another ape. "
" What use is sunrise
to the dead? my heart unjaned!
then why does it beat? "
" Beats because it does
and I speak because I do
it snows when its time. "
" I define myself!
I am HAIKU GORILLA!
that is enough! ... frog? "
the news spreads quickly
talking ape in lush green park
dispensing advice