The Roots of Fangorn Went Deep
hen...@swirve.com
heavily on everything and impaled cats and rabbits on their long,
pointy toes. Little animals screamed in pain and fear as the ents
proceeded towards their goal, swearing long and indecent oaths in
Entish. Squish, squish, went their feet. Squash, squash.
Dan C
Heh. That's funny, right there.
--
"Ubuntu" -- an African word, meaning "Slackware is too hard for me".
The Usenet Improvement Project: http://improve-usenet.org
Ahhhhhhhh!: http://brandybuck.site40.net/pics/relieve.jpg
pseud...@fats.teunc.org
Very true. Moreover, Ents, like trees, cause pollution. Scientific
studies have confirmed this again and again.
hen...@swirve.com
As has been decisively proved by great MORAMBAR (who really should
raise my research grant), there can be no doubt that next to the
Elves, Tom Bombadil and Big Ears, there is no greater threat to the
health, the sanity, the happiness and future progress of hmunsa...
er... mankind than this... er... progress.
Horus Engels
Noel Q. von Schneiffel
Very true! To show my solidarity to this cause, I have bought a new
desk carved from whale bones, with four elephant tusks as legs, and
thrown away my old wooden desk. From now on, I'll be boycotting wood
until humanity understands their error and stops growing it.
Noel
Count Menelvagor
i think you gents are getting a bit carried away.
ents do, after all, form an essential part of any balanced diet--
granted that they do need a LOT of seasoning.
Dan C
Ents don't take in CO2 and release O2?
Noel Q. von Schneiffel
> On Fri, 05 Jun 2009 11:15:57 -0700, pseudonymus wrote:
>
> > Very true. Moreover, Ents, like trees, cause pollution. Scientific
> > studies have confirmed this again and again.
>
> Ents don't take in CO2 and release O2?
It's not so much the CO2. It's the resin. Especially on bus seats.
Noel
Dan C
Well, on the softwoods, yeah. The hardwood Ents shouldn't be an issue
with that.
Öjevind Lång
news:ca9f8083-5357-4f89...@t10g2000vbg.googlegroups.com...
[snip]
> ents do, after all, form an essential part of any balanced diet--
granted that they do need a LOT of seasoning.
Aye. Lots of fibres is good for you.
�jevind
pseud...@fats.teunc.org
> "Count Menelvagor" <Menelva...@mailandnews.com> skrev i meddelandetnews:ca9f8083-5357-4f89...@t10g2000vbg.googlegroups.com...
>
> [snip]
>
> > ents do, after all, form an essential part of any balanced diet--
>
> granted that they do need a LOT of seasoning.
>
> Aye. Lots of fibres is good for you.
Don't encourage him in his desecration of all that is holy.
You may have a tendency towards Tolkien disinformation; but you really
ought to know better than THAT.
pseud...@fats.teunc.org
> On Jun 5, 8:15 pm, pseudony...@fats.teunc.org wrote:
>
> > On Jun 4, 10:08 pm, heng...@swirve.com wrote:
>
> > > The roots of Fangorn went deep, and when the ents walked, they trod
> > > heavily on everything and impaled cats and rabbits on their long,
> > > pointy toes. Little animals screamed in pain and fear as the ents
> > > proceeded towards their goal, swearing long and indecent oaths in
> > > Entish. Squish, squish, went their feet. Squash, squash.
>
> > Very true. Moreover, Ents, like trees, cause pollution. Scientific
> > studies have confirmed this again and again.
>
> As has been decisively proved by great MORAMBAR (who really should
> raise my research grant)
Didn't you get 1440 tollers just last month? Where did it go?
hen...@swirve.com
> On Thu, 04 Jun 2009 19:08:36 -0700, hengels wrote:
> > The roots of Fangorn went deep, and when the ents walked, they trod
> > heavily on everything and impaled cats and rabbits on their long, pointy
> > toes. Little animals screamed in pain and fear as the ents proceeded
> > towards their goal, swearing long and indecent oaths in Entish. Squish,
> > squish, went their feet. Squash, squash.
>
> Heh. That's funny, right there.
I have a pain in my sawdust. Perhaps you can help me?
> "Ubuntu" -- an African word, meaning "Slackware is too hard for me".
But then, perhaps not. I may be mad, but I don't take advise from vile
racists.
hen...@swirve.com
We must grow tusks! Tusks that reach to heaven! Tusks that reach from
Aman to Cuivenen! Nothing else will suffice. We must also get some
adjuastable ivory cabinet clawhammers to make the hierodules happy.
Horus Engels
hen...@swirve.com
I meant murrill fibres, not the ones you put into carpets and lawn
mowers. Your mendacious claim is typical for your campaign of
desinformation about me. What about the fact that Papa Smurf was seen
entering your house last night? He looked most furtive and carried a
sack and a keg. The sack was probably full of slaughtered goblins
intended for unholy purposes. The keg, no doubt, contained the
fermented mushroom juice that induces you to think you know anything
about the Tengwar. Sir, I spalliate you!
Horus Engels
hen...@swirve.com
I had to buy a new writing desk after my old one exploded. Someone had
put suppurating smurfs in it. I have a pretty shrewd idea of who is
behind that nefarious deed, but we can save that for the next faculty
meeting. My new writing desk is also chryselephantine, of course, and
due to the shock the event gave me, and the fact that the explosion
killed my only pupil (the mute, mentally retarded troll Marblehead -
you may remember him), I decided I deserved some extra comfort in the
form of ornaments made out of sapphires and rubies on my new one. The
ornaments depict the celebrated beheading of Golfimbul.
Horus Engels
Dan C
> On Jun 5, 4:32 am, Dan C <youmustbejok...@lan.invalid> wrote:
>> On Thu, 04 Jun 2009 19:08:36 -0700, hengels wrote:
>> > The roots of Fangorn went deep, and when the ents walked, they trod
>> > heavily on everything and impaled cats and rabbits on their long,
>> > pointy toes. Little animals screamed in pain and fear as the ents
>> > proceeded towards their goal, swearing long and indecent oaths in
>> > Entish. Squish, squish, went their feet. Squash, squash.
>>
>> Heh. That's funny, right there.
>
>
> I have a pain in my sawdust. Perhaps you can help me?
Not likely.
>> "Ubuntu" -- an African word, meaning "Slackware is too hard for me".
>
> But then, perhaps not. I may be mad, but I don't take advise from vile
> racists.
Huh?
--
"Ubuntu" -- an African word, meaning "Slackware is too hard for me".
SRM
news:8203f329-8cba-45ca...@s16g2000vbp.googlegroups.com...
[snip]
> Don't encourage him in his desecration of all that is holy.
> You may have a tendency towards Tolkien disinformation; but you really
> ought to know better than THAT.
Oh, never mind all that. I'm just fixated on the topic. Ahhhhhh...... the
melodious sound of "TEUNC: Please leave"!
Mem'ries......... [SIGH] This would be just about the .. ummm...
decannalia? decahedron? Tenth Anniversary (!) of that original request. Oh,
for dial-up! Oh, for pay-by-the-minute plans that made the flood of (most)
TEUNC posts seem soooooooo ... not worth it! LOL!
OK, back to Balrog wings. (And the Ring DID speak on Mt. Doom - Celeborn
said so!)
Pseudonymus al-Faqha'ter III
> <pseudony...@fats.teunc.org> wrote in message
Our research suggests that the Ring also did an exotic dance routine.
Disgusting, but typical.
But getting back to your earlier point: FATS sells high-speed Internet
access where, as soon as you reach a website, your computer intones
one of Tolkien's Truths! Only 157.99 tollers per month! (Come now;
MORAMBAR did, after all, say "Truth is never cheap." Some of His
utterances are so wise as to make faint.)
Pseudonymus al-Faqha'ter III
Oh dear. That's not good at all. We'll have to send an inspection team
in to check up on this, as I believe you're supposed to have 37 grad
students and that undergrads are required to take at least one Horus
course. Perhaps we could add another mandatory course, such as one
about why penguins are evil.
As for faculty meetings, I think you'll agree with me if I say they've
been a mite too violent of late. Thus saith TOLKIEN: "The laughter of
Mordor will be our only reward if more than 65% of the faculty end up
dead."
Raven
news:LY8Zl.34453$VL5....@newsfe22.iad...
> Oh, for dial-up!
Can't say I miss it. In this country local phone calls are not free.
Downloading without reading, then going offline to read. Not clicking on
interesting links, unless they seemed particularly interesting, in which
case I would double-click the message to put a copy of it on my desktop.
Then I could follow the link next time I went online, as briefly as
possible.
Same with web pages. Browsing through them without actually reading
them, so that I could get offline after and read them without that meter
ticking. Getting angry at the increasing banner-ads and similar whitenoise,
which cost me extra download time and therefore extra money. Had to skip
many web sites because downloading a page took minutes with the slow dial-up
modem. Reading a single article on a news site from my home country cost me
most as much as buying an entire newspaper.
Of course these web sites still deliver a lot more bytes in ads than in
useful content, but I can live with a delay of a few seconds which costs me
nothing, as opposed to a metered delay of minutes.
Funny, though. Switching to broadband coincided with less traffic on the
NGs. And with the old connection and email address I typically had thirty
spam mails per day during the last few years. Coming home from hols was a
nightmare, slowly downloading hundreds of spam mails and then spending an
hour offline deleting them. With a new connection, and having been very
careful with my new email address, I have had no spam mails at all during
the last few years, not counting a "service" that I haven't subscribed to,
but which sends me some financial newsletter or other every three months or
so. I don't dare send a cancel message, since this may give them an actual,
live email address to sell.
Maybe my new ISP has a much better filter. Maybe it has helped that I
have been much more cautious sharing my email adress except in a manner that
baffles harvester bots. Certainly just changing my email address on my old
connection by adding a dot - going from jonlennart.beck to
jon.lennart.beck - stopped almost all the spam. Wish I had known that
earlier. Got two spam-mails in total after that, before I changed to
broadband with a different ISP.
Or maybe my friend the Count has slain most of the spammers who used to
bug me, scaring off the remainder, in which case I am deeply in the old
noblebalrog's debt now. Spammers certainly deserve to be terminally dealt
with by an honest and powerful valarauka.
No, I don't much miss dial-up.
Br�n.
Count Menelvagor
<jon.lennart.beck.its.my.n...@mail.its.in.danmark> wrote:
> "SRM" <clas...@teunc.org> skrev i meddelelsennews:LY8Zl.34453$VL5....@newsfe22.iad...
>
> > Oh, for dial-up!
>
> Can't say I miss it. In this country local phone calls are not free.
> Downloading without reading, then going offline to read. Not clicking on
> interesting links, unless they seemed particularly interesting, in which
> case I would double-click the message to put a copy of it on my desktop.
> Then I could follow the link next time I went online, as briefly as
> possible.
> Or maybe my friend the Count has slain most of the spammers who used to
> bug me, scaring off the remainder, in which case I am deeply in the old
> noblebalrog's debt now. Spammers certainly deserve to be terminally dealt
> with by an honest and powerful valarauka.
> No, I don't much miss dial-up.
i have to tell you, spammers make a disappointing entrée. that must
have been the most humiliating banquet i ever gave in my diuturnity.
(i don't miss dial-up either. in the really dark ages, i went to the
library, where we were only allowed on the computer for half an hour
-- which is commonly how long it took for a page to load. eek.
although, come to think of it, i don't know if that was dial-up.
anyway, eek.)
Raven
news:3d9980d0-48c9-43c6...@t21g2000yqi.googlegroups.com...
> i have to tell you, spammers make a disappointing entr�e. that must
> have been the most humiliating banquet i ever gave in my diuturnity.
I might have told you. Not even their eyeballs are worth a peck. In my
human form I preferred them as manure, eyeballs and all - in the gardens of
my unfriends, to make the nettles and thornbushes grow richly.
Unfortunately they were adept at hiding. Fortunately I have found it not
difficult to hide from them myself, outwitting them.
Y�ma.
Noel Q. von Schneiffel
wrote:
>
> (i don't miss dial-up either. in the really dark ages, i went to the
> library, where we were only allowed on the computer for half an hour
> -- which is commonly how long it took for a page to load. eek.
> although, come to think of it, i don't know if that was dial-up.
> anyway, eek.)
Ah, yes. I remember the really really dark ages too, when AFT was
still hosted on Arpanet. I had to ask the Pentagon for access to a
military computer every time I wanted to post. Then I had to meet with
three bulky men in suits and sunglasses, who would force me into a
dark limousine and drive me - in circles and detours, to confuse me -
into a secret army base, where I was granted ten minutes in front of
this huge, room-filling computer. Sweating marines were shoveling coal
into the fiery ovens that powered the computer, while I hastily
punched holes into the paper tapes that spelled my post.
I still have the original punched tape that spells "Do Balrogs have
wings?" (If I remember correctly, George Washington was the first to
reply, with a congratulation about "ye originale inquiry, which none
hath, to mine noesis, ever asked before".)
Noel
Pseudonymus al-Faqha'ter III
I believe the question was first posed by an Akkadian named Marduk-
Mardukezinbar. It depends on how one interprets the Palaeolithic cave-
paintings. (Of course, the whole thing was a misunderstanding for
"wigs."
Taemon
> I still have the original punched tape that spells "Do Balrogs have
> wings?" (If I remember correctly, George Washington was the first to
> reply, with a congratulation about "ye originale inquiry, which none
> hath, to mine noesis, ever asked before".)
You're funny :-)
T.
Noel Q. von Schneiffel
Not in the least! Every word I utter is absolutely serious. Tolkien is
a much too grave topic for humour. To say funny things about Tolkien
is like telling naughty jokes in a church, or farting loudly during an
audience with the Queen. (Which I did once, I must admit; but very,
very quietly.)
Noel
Öjevind Lång
meddelandet
news:f790e272-5a03-42ce...@v4g2000vba.googlegroups.com...
[snip]
> Ah, yes. I remember the really really dark ages too, when AFT was
> still hosted on Arpanet. I had to ask the Pentagon for access to a
> military computer every time I wanted to post. Then I had to meet with
> three bulky men in suits and sunglasses, who would force me into a
> dark limousine and drive me - in circles and detours, to confuse me -
> into a secret army base, where I was granted ten minutes in front of
> this huge, room-filling computer. Sweating marines were shoveling coal
> into the fiery ovens that powered the computer, while I hastily
> punched holes into the paper tapes that spelled my post.
>
> I still have the original punched tape that spells "Do Balrogs have
> wings?" (If I remember correctly, George Washington was the first to
> reply, with a congratulation about "ye originale inquiry, which none
> hath, to mine noesis, ever asked before".)
:-D
�jevind
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> Not in the least! Every word I utter is absolutely serious. Tolkien is
> a much too grave topic for humour. To say funny things about Tolkien
> is like telling naughty jokes in a church, or farting loudly during an
> audience with the Queen. (Which I did once, I must admit; but very,
> very quietly.)
Did anyone ever fart in the presence of Holy Tollers?
�jevind
Noel Q. von Schneiffel
> "Noel Q. von Schneiffel" <noel.von.schneif...@fats.teunc.org> skrev i
>
> > To say funny things about Tolkien
> > is like telling naughty jokes in a church, or farting loudly during an
> > audience with the Queen. (Which I did once, I must admit; but very,
> > very quietly.)
>
> Did anyone ever fart in the presence of Holy Tollers?
Hugo Dyson, I bet.
Noel
Steve Morrison
Did you, by any chance, stay away from court for years after that? And
when you returned years later, did the Queen cheerfully greet you
with, "I had quite forgot the Fart"?
Noel Q. von Schneiffel
I did stay away, yes. Unfortunately, when I returned, the Queen was
not cheerful at all, but had her beefeaters trap me in a hat and then
beat the hat with frozen haggis. One of the more uncomfortable
memories of my life. It had nothing to do with the fart, though; more
probably with the clothing tips I gave to Mahatma Gandhi - "this is a
ridiculous rabbit costume, what about a robe instead?" - which, as
much as it pains me, gives me a certain responsibility for the
Empire's loss of India.
Noel