Craigslist ad
Steuard Jensen
to share here. It doesn't seem relevant at first (though it's still
funny), but you'll no doubt guess where it's going:
"Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM."
http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/dmg/1578516400.html
Now, back to work...
Steuard Jensen
Derek Broughton
> A friend just pointed me to an ad on Craigslist that I feel compelled
> to share here. It doesn't seem relevant at first (though it's still
> funny), but you'll no doubt guess where it's going:
>
> "Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM."
> http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/dmg/1578516400.html
"Compensation: no pay"
Outrageous! It is a _Dark_ Talmudic art, and its practitioners really need
adequate compensation ...
--
derek
Paul S. Person
<ste...@slimy.com> wrote:
>A friend just pointed me to an ad on Craigslist that I feel compelled
>to share here. It doesn't seem relevant at first (though it's still
>funny), but you'll no doubt guess where it's going:
>
>"Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM."
>http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/dmg/1578516400.html
Can't; it's been "flagged for removal".
--
Nature must be explained in
her own terms through
the experience of our senses.
Steuard Jensen
Person <pspe...@ix.netscom.com.invalid> wrote:
> On Tue, 2 Feb 2010 03:16:16 +0000 (UTC), Steuard Jensen
><ste...@slimy.com> wrote:
>>A friend just pointed me to an ad on Craigslist that I feel compelled
>>to share here.
>>"Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM."
>>http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/dmg/1578516400.html
> Can't; it's been "flagged for removal".
How weird! It was hilarious; I thought they liked that sort of
thing. In any case, happily, several people out there seem to have
saved and re-posted it, so here's the text:
------------------------------------------------------------
WANTED:
One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for
household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores
such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd
grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly
unobtrusive on our every-day lives.
We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment,
etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your
magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem!
Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an
anthropomorphic being created from intimate matter from Jewish
folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking
for "precious". This is important! We have no interest in living with
Gollum. We want a Golem. Please respond, serious inquiry only.
Location: Astoria, NY
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests
Compensation: no pay
------------------------------------------------------------
That should pretty much cover it.
Steuard Jensen
Paul S. Person
<ste...@slimy.com> wrote:
Thanks for posting it!
I think they are a bit short-sighted though ... what happens when
their daughter reaches the 4th grade? Will they want an upgrade?
Derek Broughton
> On Tue, 2 Feb 2010 19:04:10 +0000 (UTC), Steuard Jensen
> <ste...@slimy.com> wrote:
>
>>In message <4lqgm5hs3bmmqm1j7...@4ax.com>, Paul S
>>Person <pspe...@ix.netscom.com.invalid> wrote:
>>> On Tue, 2 Feb 2010 03:16:16 +0000 (UTC), Steuard Jensen
>>><ste...@slimy.com> wrote:
>>>>A friend just pointed me to an ad on Craigslist that I feel compelled
>>>>to share here.
>>
>>>>"Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM."
>>>>http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/dmg/1578516400.html
>>
>>> Can't; it's been "flagged for removal".
>>
>>How weird! It was hilarious; I thought they liked that sort of
>>thing. In any case, happily, several people out there seem to have
>>saved and re-posted it, so here's the text:
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------
>>WANTED:
>>
>>One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for
>>household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores
>>such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd
>>grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly
>>unobtrusive on our every-day lives.
>
> I think they are a bit short-sighted though ... what happens when
> their daughter reaches the 4th grade? Will they want an upgrade?
As with any covenant with the Dark Arts, I expect it will be taken literally
- the Golem will do exactly what they want as long as the daughter is in the
3rd grade. Then it will turn on them, and having torn them all limb from
limb, terrorize their quiet Astoria neighborhood. In their final moments,
they'll _wish_ they'd got Gollum...
--
derek
Jette Goldie
"This post has been flagged for removal" :-)
--
Jette Goldie
jette....@gmail.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wolfette/
http://www.jette.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
http://wolfette.livejournal.com/
("reply to" is spamblocked - use the email addy in sig)
Morgoth's Curse
I always wondered exactly what Steuard would actually do with that
advanced doctorate in physics.
Morgoth's Curse
Noel Q. von Schneiffel
<morgothscurse2...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote:
> On Tue, 2 Feb 2010 19:04:10 +0000 (UTC), Steuard Jensen
> <steu...@slimy.com> wrote:
>
> >Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an
> >anthropomorphic being created from intimate matter from Jewish
> >folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking
> >for "precious". This is important! We have no interest in living with
> >Gollum. We want a Golem. Please respond, serious inquiry only.
>
> advanced doctorate in physics.
Oh, you don't need an advanced doctorate to create a Golem. It's
rather easy. Actually, I used to accidentally create them. You see, I
once crushed a very tiny heretic with my left sandal. His corpse left
a man-shaped imprint in the sole. (I wear sandals made of soft cork,
and the little heretic had an exceptionally hard body.) So afterwards,
whenever I walked through mud, the soil would get stuck in the man-
shaped hole. The mud then dried and fell out while I was sleeping, and
voila! another little clay-man running around in my home. It got very
annoying, because the mini-golems partied all night long instead of
doing the housework. This is why I eventually bought new sandals.
Noel