The New Adventures of Little Red Riding Hood
Noel Q. von Schneiffel
Yesterday I heard from Manwe
Via Kenta and Osanwe
A most unexpected order:
"Get, Noel, thee to the border."
"Travel to the land of France
To the forest of Provence
Ring my friend Christopher's bell
Bring him food, he is not well."
So I did what I was askéd
Chose a nice hand-woven basket
Baked a cake, with icing mottled
Packed some wine, for ten years bottled.
Oh, the joy that I felt then
To aid such a worthy man!
I took my red riding hood
Which on bearded men looks good.
Then I walked for seven hours
In the sun, in rainy showers
Ever thicker grew the forest
Daylight faded more and morest.
Suddenly, a twig did crack
And I saw, when I looked back
A leering face with shaggy hair!
Glowing eyes, a fiendish stare!
How my heart now started racing
'Twas no wolf whom I was facing.
Ten points on the worse-o-meter:
I was facing Jackson's Peter!
But quite friendly was his voice:
"Ah, Noel! The best of boys.
See what I have for you, see.
Watch my latest DVD!"
So I paused my urgent mission
Watched the Extra Long Edition
On his little shiny netbook
While he ran off with a mad look.
Oh, the shame that I felt then
When I realized his plan!
He had made me waste my time
Meanwhile, he'd commit a crime.
Truly, he had quickly acted
While I had been so distracted.
Tolkien's residence he reachéd
Where he sweet-talked, flattered, preachéd.
When I finally got there
I saw Jackson in a chair
Next to Tolkien like a friend
With a contract in his hand.
Just to tell it is quite trying:
Peter Jackson had been buying
Film rights for the Silmarillion!
"This", he chirped, "will earn a billion."
Oh, the wrath that I felt then!
Not a billion, two or ten
Justify to sell the Silm
To this bumbler for a film.
I jumped in and asked the man:
"Why then is so big your pen?"
Grinning, Peter Jackson said it:
"So that I can better edit."
Now his giant pen he took
And he scribbled in the book
Tore out pages like a hack.
Then I started my attack.
Of the battle songs have spoken.
In the house there was much broken
Skin was bruised and clothes were tattered
Pets were killed and glass was shattered.
Finally the Jackson fled.
But then Christopher instead
Of thanking me, he cried out loud:
"Who are you, you vandal? Out!"
Fables need a happy ending
Mine, however, ends with spending.
I paid dearly for repairs
Of his tables, windows, chairs.
On this day I stopped for good
Wearing my red riding hood.
"If I see you", Tolkien said,
"In this thing again, you're dead."
© Noel 2009
Derek Broughton
> The New Adventures of Little Red Riding Hood
Beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye. And a strange urge to purchase a red
riding hood...
--
derek
Bill O'Meally
Not unless you're bearded. ;^)
Bravo Noel!
--
Bill
"Wise fool."
Gandalf _The Two Towers_
(The Wise will remove 'se' to reach me. The Foolish will not!)
Derek Broughton
> Derek Broughton wrote:
>> Noel Q. von Schneiffel wrote:
>>
>>> The New Adventures of Little Red Riding Hood
>>
>> Beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye. And a strange urge to
>> purchase a red riding hood...
>
> Not unless you're bearded. ;^)
But of course I am!
--
derek
Troels Forchhammer
Derek Broughton <de...@pointerstop.ca> spoke these staves:
What Derek said . . .
Beautiful -- and I, too, am bearded ;-)
--
Troels Forchhammer <troelsfo(a)googlewave.com>
Valid e-mail is <troelsfo(a)gmail.com>
Please put [AFT], [RABT] or 'Tolkien' in subject.
For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided
into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from,
and (d) rocks.
- /Equal Rites/ (Terry Pratchett)
Raven
news:Xns9CD6B7E0...@130.133.1.4...
> Beautiful -- and I, too, am bearded ;-)
This thread could turn into a survey of how many of us are bearded. :-)
(I am.)
Br�n.
Steve Morrison
(snip verse)
Ha! Thanks, Noel -- December 3rd is always a bleak
day for me (anniversary of a family tragedy) -- but
you made me laugh.
Noel Q. von Schneiffel
>
> Ha! Thanks, Noel -- December 3rd is always a bleak
> day for me (anniversary of a family tragedy) -- but
> you made me laugh.
Thanks, all of you!
*bows*
It's a pity I can't wear that hood anymore. I'm getting cold ears. Do
you think a turban would suit me?
Noel
Pseudonymus al-Faqha'ter III
<noel.von.schneif...@fats.teunc.org> wrote:
> On 4 Dez., 06:38, Steve Morrison <rima...@toast.net> wrote:
>
>
>
> > Ha! Thanks, Noel -- December 3rd is always a bleak
> > day for me (anniversary of a family tragedy) -- but
> > you made me laugh.
>
> Thanks, all of you!
> *bows*
I did not laugh. To me, it just shows what happens when you hang out
with low company, like Christopher Tolkien. No sense of gratitude.
Leaving aside the fact that poor Peter Jackson has suffered enough at
the hands of his oppressors.
> It's a pity I can't wear that hood anymore. I'm getting cold ears. Do
> you think a turban would suit me?
Absolutely.
Clams Canino
"Noel Q. von Schneiffel" <noel.von....@fats.teunc.org> wrote in
message
> you think a turban would suit me?
>
Only if you change your name to:
Aye Bin-Pharteen :)
-W
Öjevind Lång
"Noel Q. von Schneiffel" <noel.von....@fats.teunc.org> skrev i
meddelandet
news:54faebc8-b279-4a02...@k19g2000yqc.googlegroups.com...
> The New Adventures of Little Red Riding Hood
>
>
> Yesterday I heard from Manwe
> Via Kenta and Osanwe
> A most unexpected order:
> "Get, Noel, thee to the border."
[snip]
That was magnificent!
�jevind