Text Files of LOTR
Eruadan
someone from this email address <<ere...@netvision.net.il>> sending out
private emails asking for text files of FOTR.
I don't know if it was William, Bert, or Tom, or if he had a "legit"
reason for wanting them. I just told him is was copyrighted material,
and not released as text files.
Actually, come to think of it it _was_ Tom! That's how he signed his
message.
Eruadan
--
<*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*>
Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, because to them
you are small, insignificant, and taste good with ketchup
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
tuli...@my-deja.com
Eruadan <eru...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> Just thought you folks might be interested in being on the lookout for
> someone from this email address <<ere...@netvision.net.il>> sending
out
> private emails asking for text files of FOTR.
>
> I don't know if it was William, Bert, or Tom, or if he had a "legit"
> reason for wanting them. I just told him is was copyrighted material,
> and not released as text files.
>
> Actually, come to think of it it _was_ Tom! That's how he signed his
> message.
>
> Eruadan
I had one too - now consigned to oblivion, with the rest of the
nuisance messages. In fact, I had two - original request, then
correction to text files.
Tamsin
buh...@ecn.ab.ca
electronic timeless void.
tuli...@my-deja.com wrote:
: In article <8es42o$39l$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
: Tamsin
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew Buhr buh...@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca
Savour the Irony! bu...@infinity.gmcc.ab.ca
http://freenet.edmonton.ab.ca/~buhrger
Conrad Dunkerson
news:RCmQ4.608$jL4....@news.get2net.dk...
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands,
> please.
Me.
Steuard Jensen
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
Yup yup. And the sad part is, there are a few people here who
probably answered helpfully. I got them as well, and sent a quick
"that wouldn't be very nice" message back... ah well.
Steuard Jensen
Peter Johnson
jonlenn...@get2net.dk says...
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
<Raises hand>
Yes, although I haven't posted in a LONG time.. strange.
--
Peter Johnson lo...@mcs.net
:Windows: Where do you want to go today?
:Linux: Where do you want to go tomorrow?
:FreeBSD: Are you guys coming or what?
Flame of the West
> > I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
>
> <Raises hand>
>
> Yes, although I haven't posted in a LONG time.. strange.
Not me. I feel left out.
--
-- FotW
Reality is for those who cannot cope with Middle-Earth.
Raven
> > Just thought you folks might be interested in being on the lookout
> > for someone from this email address
> > <<ere...@netvision.net.il>> sending out private emails asking
> > for text files of FOTR.
> > I don't know if it was William, Bert, or Tom, or if he had a "legit"
> > reason for wanting them. I just told him is was copyrighted
> > material, and not released as text files. Actually, come to think
> > of it it _was_ Tom! That's how he signed his message.
> I had one too - now consigned to oblivion, with the rest of the
> nuisance messages. In fact, I had two - original request, then
> correction to text files.
I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
Ravn.
Jamie Armstrong
Raven wrote:
>
> <tuli...@my-deja.com> skrev i en news:8es6j9$678$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
>
> > I had one too - now consigned to oblivion, with the rest of the
> > nuisance messages. In fact, I had two - original request, then
> > correction to text files.
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
>
Me too.
Jamie
PaulB
>> please.
>
>
anxiously for him mail me and tell me I'm his next contestant.
Breathe
Peace
PB
"... the essence of myth [is] that it have no taint of allegory to the maker
and yet should suggest incipient allegories to the reader..."
C. S. Lewis, having read "The Lay of Leithian"
Claude Martins
Raven <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote:
>
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
Me.
- Claude.
--
--
Claude Martins | Timberwolf | ICQ: 5304950 | York U, Toronto, ON, CA
mar...@cs.yorku.ca | The Wolf Lair http://www.cs.yorku.ca/~martins/
"How lonely is the night without the howl of the wolf." -- Anon.
KO
>
Me
-------------------------------------------
Krzysiek Okon
Dave Mansell
jonlenn...@get2net.dk (Raven) wrote:
> <tuli...@my-deja.com> skrev i en news:8es6j9$678$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
>
> > > Just thought you folks might be interested in being on the lookout
> > > for someone from this email address
> > > <<ere...@netvision.net.il>> sending out private emails asking
> > > for text files of FOTR.
>
> > > I don't know if it was William, Bert, or Tom, or if he had a "legit"
> > > reason for wanting them. I just told him is was copyrighted
> > > material, and not released as text files. Actually, come to think
> > > of it it _was_ Tom! That's how he signed his message.
> > I had one too - now consigned to oblivion, with the rest of the
> > nuisance messages. In fact, I had two - original request, then
> > correction to text files.
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
>
> Ravn.
>
>
Yep me too, I suspect just about everyone who posted here recently got
one.
Dave
KO
> Not me. I feel left out.
>
I can forward you a copy ;-)))
-------------------------------------------
Krzysiek Okon
Mark Wells
<jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote:
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
Got two, reported him to his ISP. Harvesting addresses from Usenet is
Very Rude.
Colin Rosenthal
Conrad Dunkerson <conrad.d...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>"Raven" <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote in message
>news:RCmQ4.608$jL4....@news.get2net.dk...
>
>> please.
>
Me too. I just ignored it.
--
Colin Rosenthal
Astrophysics Institute
University of Oslo
Matthias Joost
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands,
> please.
>
> Ravn.
>
*me*
Matthias
--
Tom Sherlock
"Raven" <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote:
> <tuli...@my-deja.com> skrev i en news:8es6j9$678$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
>
> > > Just thought you folks might be interested in being on the lookout
> > > for someone from this email address
> > > <<ere...@netvision.net.il>> sending out private emails asking
> > > for text files of FOTR.
>
> > > I don't know if it was William, Bert, or Tom, or if he had a
"legit"
> > > reason for wanting them. I just told him is was copyrighted
> > > material, and not released as text files. Actually, come to think
> > > of it it _was_ Tom! That's how he signed his message.
> > I had one too - now consigned to oblivion, with the rest of the
> > nuisance messages. In fact, I had two - original request, then
> > correction to text files.
>
> Ravn.
>
>
I got them as well.
(I'm new to this newsgroup BTW).
Tom (not the _Tom_ responsible for the e-mail in question)
tomsh...@my-deja.com
tau...@mindspring.com
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
I did. Threw them away, of course.
Öjevind
Cletus the slack-jawed yokel
<snip>
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
Me
Bill
Andrew Wells
<snips>
>(I'm new to this newsgroup BTW).
Hello, and welcome tot he group.
Andrew
--
Andrew Wells
Replace nospam with my first name to reach me
Andrew Wells
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
Two of each.
Robert Brady
>Raven wrote in message ...
>> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
>Two of each.
Ditto.
--
Robert
Justin B. Green
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of
> hands, please.
Me. And I'm a newbie to RAFT who has posted here a total
of two times. People warn me not to put my real address in usenet posts,
but I've VERY rarely had any problems. This guy should be shut down.
Rory Molinari
Raven> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands,
Raven> please.
I got four (two copies each of the first email, and another clearing
up the fact he was looking for digital copies.) I sent a message to
his postmaster, complaining about the spam. I haven't heard anything
back, so I think my message went to the great bitbucket in the sky.
Raven> Ravn.
Rory
Nicolas Masson
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
>
> Ravn.
Altough I'm only posting there once every year, I received the two
messages too.
--
Nicolas Masson
And this was my post for 2000.
Stan Brown
rec.arts.books.tolkien:
>How could anybody help?
>Do they exist?
Yes, or at least they did a few months ago. The URL was posted
here.
>As to the morals (not to the law), to me it is not immoral to get the
>text file for quick searching purposes if you have the book in your
>shelf.
I agree with you. But as was also posted here (or perhaps in
misc.legal.moderated, where I asked the question), it's a copyright
violation to download them because that is making a copy, which is
prohibited on the copyright page.
Given your condition, that it's for searching when one has already
bought one or more paper copies, and given that the there are no
legal electronic copies whose sales we would be reducing, I think
it's morally fine. But others may disagree; and in any event the
law and morality do not always run together, alas.
--
Stan Brown, Oak Road Systems, Cleveland, Ohio, USA
http://www.mindspring.com/~brahms/
Encyclopedia of Arda: http://www.glyphweb.com/arda/default.htm
Tolkien FAQs: http://home.uchicago.edu/~sbjensen/Tolkien
more FAQs: http://www.mindspring.com/~brahms/faqget.htm
David Sulger
>I had two of those too. How many else
>did? Show of hands, please.
I don't know if I got this one or not, but I do remember getting a spam
recently that had a huge recipient list. Most of the names on that list
seemed to be regulars in these newsgroups. I just went to look it up,
but I can't seem to find it. I usually just ditch spam, and if I got it
over a week ago, it's long gone by now.
--Dave
Tamim Khawaja
>
> <tuli...@my-deja.com> skrev i en news:8es6j9$678$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
>
> > > Just thought you folks might be interested in being on the lookout
> > > for someone from this email address
> > > <<ere...@netvision.net.il>> sending out private emails asking
> > > for text files of FOTR.
>
> > > I don't know if it was William, Bert, or Tom, or if he had a "legit"
> > > reason for wanting them. I just told him is was copyrighted
> > > material, and not released as text files. Actually, come to think
> > > of it it _was_ Tom! That's how he signed his message.
> > I had one too - now consigned to oblivion, with the rest of the
> > nuisance messages. In fact, I had two - original request, then
> > correction to text files.
>
I am raising my rught hand as high as I can.
Tamim
Tamim Khawaja
>
> Quoth "Raven" <jonlenn...@get2net.dk>:
> > I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
>
> probably answered helpfully. I got them as well, and sent a quick
> "that wouldn't be very nice" message back... ah well.
How could anybody help?
Do they exist?
Is it not easier to buy the LotR in 170mk:s (30 $) than to print the
whole thing?
It is not very pleasant to read the print and who wouldn't spend that
money to make reading more pleasant.
As to the morals (not to the law), to me it is not immoral to get the
text file for quick searching purposes if you have the book in your
shelf.
Tamim
Tamim Khawaja
>
> Raven wrote:
>
> > I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
> >
>
> Altough I'm only posting there once every year, I received the two
> messages too.
>
This year's quota is then full so don't answer this.
Tamim
Eruadan
moli...@math.lsa.umich.edu wrote:
> I got four (two copies each of the first email, and another clearing
> up the fact he was looking for digital copies.) I sent a message to
> his postmaster, complaining about the spam. I haven't heard anything
> back, so I think my message went to the great bitbucket in the sky.
Dunno. I think his ISP has had a bit more to worry about the last
couple of days
than complaints about a spammer.
BTW, I got two of each, too. One set on an old address that I haven't
posted from
in almost a year.
Eruadan
--
<*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*>
Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, because to them
you are small, insignificant, and taste good with ketchup
Freaksaus
><tuli...@my-deja.com> skrev i en news:8es6j9$678$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
>
>> > Just thought you folks might be interested in being on the lookout
>> > for someone from this email address
>> > <<ere...@netvision.net.il>> sending out private emails asking
>> > for text files of FOTR.
>
>> > I don't know if it was William, Bert, or Tom, or if he had a "legit"
>> > reason for wanting them. I just told him is was copyrighted
>> > material, and not released as text files. Actually, come to think
>> > of it it _was_ Tom! That's how he signed his message.
>> I had one too - now consigned to oblivion, with the rest of the
>> nuisance messages. In fact, I had two - original request, then
>> correction to text files.
> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
/me raises hand.
I think this guy sent emails to all the people active on these Tolkien
NG's.
What still puzzles me though is that the message was not written to my
direct e-mail addy but to: tol...@localhost.hccnet.nl
Freek
Tamim Khawaja
> Given your condition, that it's for searching when one has already
> bought one or more paper copies, and given that the there are no
> legal electronic copies whose sales we would be reducing, I think
> it's morally fine. But others may disagree; and in any event the
> law and morality do not always run together, alas.
They don't and if I needed the text files and had no risk of getting
caught I would copy them.
My morals are more important in defining my actions than the Finnish law
is.
After all now it is illegal to drink on Helsinki's streets and even the
police said that they won't enforce this rule on vappu ( May Day). In
fact they haven't enforced it even on other days because there are so
many violators. Did you know, by the way, that this year helsinki is one
of the cultural capitals of Europe.
Here people seem to think that Helsinki is getting much publicity and
tourism because of it.
Tamim
Juho P. Pahajoki
I did.
*Shows his hand to Raven*
--
"Solving problems is the goal. Having fun is the goal."
-- Lars Wirzenius, "Advocating Linux"
O. Sharp
: Eruadan <eru...@my-deja.com> wrote:
:> Just thought you folks might be interested in being on the lookout for
:> someone from this email address <<ere...@netvision.net.il>> sending out
:> private emails asking for text files of FOTR.
: I had one too - now consigned to oblivion, with the rest of the
: nuisance messages. In fact, I had two - original request, then
: correction to text files.
I didn't get a copy. I'm so sad. :)
...But it occurs to me that what we _should_ be doing to handle these
situations in the future is write up a complete text version of _LotR_ to
give to everyone who wants a copy. Of course, that means we'd have to
type in the entire book.
Big job.
In the interests of furthering cooperation, however, I will be happy to
type in the first chapter. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, Chapter One: A Long-Expected Party.
Copyright (c) 2000 by J.R.R. Tolkien. Anyone who has an interest in
living authors, at least, should illegally copy this anyway because he's
already dead.
"So you're going to go through with it, then," Gandalf the Wizard sid
slowly.
"I am," Bilbo replied. "I've been planning this for a long time.
It'll give the Hobbits of the Shire something to talk about for the next
nine days - or ninety-nine, more likely. Anyway, at least I'll have my
little joke."
"Who will laugh, I wonder?" Gandalf mused aloud, scratching his
beard idly.
For weeks carts and caravans were coming from all over Middle-earth
to bring provisions for the Grand Old Party, as Bilbo referred to it.
Wagons of food from the Dwarvish mines at Erebor, shiny rocks from the
Sea-elves and fancy seductive packages from southern Mirkwood arrived
daily, making the neighborhood generally more crowded and cluttering up
avenues. Even those who hadn't said anything bad about Bilbo before were
starting to show their annoyance. "Mr. Bilbo Baggins is starting to get a
mite annoying," old Gaffer Gamgee grumbled, standing outside the pub.
"Queer goings-on, and no mistake. Why just yesterday a bunch o' pesky
Wood-elves dragged their cart right acrost my yard and ruined my taters!"
"A bunch of Men from Bree came to my place yesterday and tried to
sell me some aluminum siding," mused Old Noakes of Bywater. "They said it
was because they had extra after building that horrible Quonset hut over
the Party Tree, and they were trying to unload it. Strange folk
hereabouts."
"Yes, but it's good for the economy," sneered Bill Ferny, the local
banker. "A lot more money in circulation. Market's been doing well.
Unionization is down because of all the entry-level service positions
that are being created. Widening gap between the haves and have-nots,
don't you think? Good to find work for idle hands."
"And you don't know nothin' about anythin', Ferny," Gaffer Gamgee
snapped, echoing the popular community sentiment. "Mr. Bilbo Baggins is a
right bastard, as I've often said, and it's small wonder if trouble don't
come of him and his imperialist ways. The Revolution's a'comin', and it's
the likes o'you who'll be the first ag'inst the wall, so sayeth the
Lord." And with that he spat a well-aimed beer-nut into Ferny's glass.
At last the day of the Big Party arrived. Everywhere there was too
much to eat, and by midafternoon there were broken presents lying all
over the Shire attesting to the low quality of their manufacture. Gandalf
set off a series of fireworks later on in the day, including great
skywriting missiles and little flaming butterflies who took to wing,
sailed off into the Eastfarthing and burned all its trees to the ground.
The last firework sent up a great black smoke which took the shape
of a giant mountain of fire. A flicker could be seen of a giant dragon
sailing about its peak; after a moment the great dragon went sailing over
the heads of the crowd, causing great panic and consternation and six
outright heart attacks before imploding somewhere over the
Sackville-Baggins' neighborhood, causing considerable property damage
which was never properly repaired generations afterward.
"That is the signal for supper!" Bilbo cried out to the survivors,
who were only partly mollified.
Later on, in the specially-designed quonset hut which Bilbo had
built especially for the occasion, all his friends and neighbors were
helping themselves to their third helpings of macaroni and cheese and
potato salad (the latter laced liberally with what Bilbo called the
"traditional secret ingredient", which while not actually a narcotic
still had unusual effects, the sum of which were still under scientific
inquiry in some circles), Bilbo stood up and motioned for quiet. "A
speech! A speech!" some of his neighbors cried out in fear.
_My dear Hobbits!_ Bilbo began. There was much cheering at this,
as Hobbits on the whole are a rather egocentric lot, and anyway the
latest round of potato salad was beginning to kick in.
_My dear Bagginses and Bracegirdles, Boffins and Borfledebees,
Casmits and Cantankerums, Fassbinders and Fazoolas, Wombats and
Wafflefoots._ "WaffleFEET!" cried out an irate old man at the back, in
fact the very man who had earned the name when Bilbo's nephew Frodo had
accidentally dropped a hot waffle-iron on his feet some years ago. He had
borne the Bagginses no ill-will, since the settlement was quite generous.
_Waflefoots,_ continued Bilbo, oblivious. _This is my nine hundreth
birthday! And though one million years is too short a time to have spent
with you all..._
There was some muffled converstaion throughout the hall, which Bilbo
took notice of. _Well, on bad days it seems like a million years,_ he
explained. _Anyway, though ten billion years is long enough to endure
from all of you, this is IT... I am GOING... I am leaving NOW...
GoodBYE!_ And with that Bilbo leaped up, tore all his clothes off,
scattering them about the astoinished guests' heads, and ran from the
great Hut screaming and flailing his arms.
Young Frodo looked on in bemusement, refusing to answer questions
from the astonished crowd. Everyone knew, of course, that Bilbo was a big
man in the community. But - and Frodo looked at the crowd, particularly
noting the astonishment on old Lobelia's face - until now, nobody knew just
_how_ big.
"Well! That's done!" Bilbo laughed, emerging from the bedroom at Bag
End freshly dressed. "You know, Gandalf, I've been wanting to do that for
as long as I can remember. Now I think this would be an excellent time to
leave the Shire, at least before they can all find their torches and
axe-handles. Everything stays with Frodo, as we promised."
"Including the Ring?" Gandalf asked.
"Well, yes, I suppose so," Bilbo replied. He pulled the Ring out
from under his cloak, where it hung on a fine golden chain Bilbo had
stolen of old from the Brandybucks. "Still, though, I kind of hate to get
rid of it."
"This seemed to me to be the only thing worthwhile about your whole
stupid plan," Gandalf said uncharacteristically. "Put it on the mantel
and walk away from it. It has got far too much hold on you. Let it go!"
"It's mine! And I shall keep it, I say!"
Gandalf raised himself up to his full height. Bilbo's hand reached
quietly for the hilt of his sword. "It will be my turn to get angry
soon," the wizard intoned. "Listen to me: you must give Frodo the Ring!"
Bilbo suddenly laughed. "Oh, _that_?" he grinned. "Well, of _course_
I'm giving him the Ring! I thought you meant the _chain._" Slipping the
Ring off the chain he set the circle of gold on the mantel without a
second thought. Then he slipped the chain about his neck. "I love this
chain. Stole it from old Matuseck Brandybuck back before he went senile.
Wouldn't part with it for love nor money. No, I don't give two flies
about the Ring. Nothing but trouble, that thing has been.
"Well, I'm off, Gandalf! I'm off on the road again, and not a moment
too soon by the look of that crowd down there." And taking an old
walking-stick from the stand by the door Bilbo went outside, taking a
path around the back of the Hill so he could leave unobserved, and as he
left he began singing a song quietly to himself:
"While often by the door I lie
And look upon the mountains' feet
And think of rains and hikers' pains
And sleeping wetly in the sleet,
When darkness' cry does terrify
And wilderness encircles you,
And being food for goblins' brood
Is one choice, and starvation two;
Then staying home instead of roam
Will have a very great appeal!
Forego the Quest! And have a rest!
Let Dwarves and Elves and wizards squeal!
But since the Shire is filled with ire,
And all my neighbors fevers grip,
It's plain to see! I must agree!
The time has come to take a trip!"
Hours later Frodo returned to Bag End, a little glad to have thrown
off the pursuit at last. He started at first to discovere someone waiting
for him in the living-room, but sighed with relief when he saw it was
only Gandalf.
"Did he get away?" Frodo asked.
"He did," Gandalf replied. "And just at the last, for they were
getting ready to set after him with dogs. Luckily he doubled back at the
Three-Farthing Stone, as I recommended, or there would be a special
bonfire in Tuckborough tonight. Are you well?"
"Yes," Frodo replied. "I managed to convince everyone I was
uninvolved with the Hay Incident."
"Good," Gandalf said. He lit his pipe with a nearby candle and
looked at Frodo evenly. "He left things for you on the mantel. The ded to
Bag End, a signed statement saying you were only an unwitting accomplice
in the Bywater Incident, and-"
"The Ring!" Frodo said, looking at the mantel with astonishment.
"Has he left me that?"
"He has," Gandalf replied, "though you'll have to find a new chain.
But if I may counsel you in the use of your own - don't use it! Now or
later! It may have other powers besides quick and easy seduction."
"I can't believe Bilbo left me the Ring," Frodo gasped. "He used to
say that it and a bottle of Westfarthing Chinook was all you needed for
the perfect weekend."
"Well, lock it up someplace and stay away from it," Gandalf intoned.
"No Took-wives, no Elf-virgins, and no real estate deals. And no political
aspirations! In the morning I'm off to see if I can learn more about it.
In the meantime leave it unused until I return."
"I'll, uh, I'll think about that, all right," Frodo blurted, trying
hard not to think about the Ring and young Cassiopiea Took.
The next morning Gandalf left, leaving Frodo with only his thoughts,
his yearnings and a half-empty bottle of Westfarthing Chinook for
company.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@netcom.com And now I can pass it on for Chapter Two. Ojevind,
would you care to do the honours? :)
Legolas
I got the messages too.
BTW why is it so bad that he asked for it?
--
Legolas
Legol...@softhome.net
Ash nazg durbatuluk, ash nazg gimbatul,
Ash nazg thrakatuluk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul
Conrad Dunkerson
news:8f21qj$m7c$1...@as102.tel.hr...
> I got the messages too.
> BTW why is it so bad that he asked for it?
It's a copyright thing. It might be argued that in most cases
people who have the e-text version will probably already own a
copy of the books... but even if this is imagined to be true the
pirating of an electronic version can damage the chances of a
legitimate e-text ever being produced.
Stan Brown
>...But it occurs to me that what we _should_ be doing to handle these
>situations in the future is write up a complete text version of _LotR_ to
>give to everyone who wants a copy. Of course, that means we'd have to
>type in the entire book.
>
>Big job.
>
>In the interests of furthering cooperation, however, I will be happy to
>type in the first chapter. :)
Please remember that /LotR/, and all of Tolkien's published works,
are under copyright. It is against the law in virtually every
country to make a copy of them.
Stan Brown
rec.arts.books.tolkien:
> the
>pirating of an electronic version can damage the chances of a
>legitimate e-text ever being produced.
You may be right.
On the other hand, remember how the first authorized paperback of
LotR got published in the US in 1966 -- it was in response to the
unauthorized Ace paperback edition.
What Ace did was technically legal at the time, but the defect in
copyright has been repaired so it's not legal for anyone to publish
an e-text of /LotR/ any more than a paper edition.
I don't condone copyright violations at all, being a software
author myself. But it's tempting to think that if pirate e-text
editions started floating around, the Tolkien estate might wake up
and publish an authorized (and error-free) edition at modest cost.
Öjevind Lång
<8f1sub$aqe$1...@nntp9.atl.mindspring.net>...
>tuli...@my-deja.com, among others, wrote:
>: Eruadan <eru...@my-deja.com> wrote:
>:> Just thought you folks might be interested in being on the lookout for
>:> someone from this email address <<ere...@netvision.net.il>> sending out
>:> private emails asking for text files of FOTR.
[snip]
>
>In the interests of furthering cooperation, however, I will be happy to
>type in the first chapter. :)
>
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, Chapter One: A Long-Expected Party.
>Copyright (c) 2000 by J.R.R. Tolkien. Anyone who has an interest in
>living authors, at least, should illegally copy this anyway because he's
>already dead.
[snip]
>o...@netcom.com And now I can pass it on for Chapter Two. Ojevind,
> would you care to do the honours? :)
OK! Here comes
CHAPTER TWO
THE SHADOW OF THE PAST
The talk did not die down in nine or even ninety-nine days. Indeed, the
story of Banger Baggins, who used to run around naked at night and ravish
young maidens, became a favourite story, not least among those who could lay
a claim to belonging to that category.
Frodo, however, remained wed to celibacy. He lived alone, as Bilbo had
done; but he had a good many friends, especially among the younger hobbits.
His closest friends were Pipsqueak Took and Mobster Brandybuck, one of them
friendly and willing if somewhat pimply, the other as cold as ice and as
ruthless as a society hostess.
Frodo enjoyed being his own master and *the* Mr Baggins of Bag End. He
lived on quietly, increasing his inherited fortune through wise investments
and high-interest loans which earned him the nickname of "Sharkey", until
his fiftieth birthday drew near. Then Gandalf turned up again.
Frodo welcomed his old friend with surprise and great delight. They looked
hard at one another.
"You are becming grossly fat, Frodo", said Gandalf. "Luckily, I have some
really good exercise in store for you."
"You are too kind", murmured Frodo. "Please don't exert yourself on my
behalf."
"I'm afraid I have to", replied the wizard. "That ring of yours - do you
still have it?"
"Yes, of course", said Frodo. "I would gladly get rid of it; every time
I've tried it on I kept stumbling over my own invisible feet since I could
not see them. I wish I had never acepted the pesky thing. Will you not take
the the ring, Gandalf!"
"No!" cried Gandalf, springing to his feet. "That ring would bugger up my
spells completely. No, no, I refuse! But I can give you some advice about
how to get rid of it, if you want."
"What is that?" demanded Frodo.
"Take it to Mordor and drop it in the Cracks of Doom", said Gandalf. "If
you don't, Sauron will come and take it. And you don't want him to do that;
he gets pissed off at people who have touched his precious ring." He lit a
cigar. " But if you put an end to the ring, you off Sauron too. The little
dimwit infused so much of himself in the ring that his destruction with it
is certain."
"But yesterday you told me that Sauron thought the ring had been
destroyed."
"I did. He thought it had been thrown into the Cracks of Doom, as should
have happened. Now, however, he knows that it isn't so"
"But how can he have thought any such thing? If the ring had been
destroyed he wouldn't have been around; so he should have realized that the
ring had not been destroyed."
"As I told you, he is a dimwit. He really is incredibly stupid.All the
same, there was a scholarly article in *The Minas Tirith Review* about the
Ring yesterday, written by the learned Dr Faramir. Sauron must have read
that article; he subscribes to an excellent newscutting agency. His
emissaries may be on their way to the Shire at this very moment."
"I had better leave at once", said Frodo.
"I agree", said Gandalf. Suddenly he stopped as if listening. Frodo became
aware that all was very quiet, inside and outside. Gandalf crept to one
side of the windoiw. Then with a dart he sprang to the sill, and thrust a
long arm out as if to catch somebody. Then his movement stopped and he
snorted.
"No one has been eavesdropping", he said. "Excellent. You'd better leave
as soon as possible, Frodo. Take that servant of yours, Sam, with you. He
looks like a sturdy lad and might come in useful."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------
Steuard, perhaps you would take on doing a digest of Chapter Three? :-)
Öjevind
Steuard Jensen
> >happy to type in the first chapter. :)
> Please remember that /LotR/, and all of Tolkien's published works,
> are under copyright. It is against the law in virtually every
> country to make a copy of them.
Stan, Stan... did you _read_ Master Sharp's chapter? :) Fear
not... I'm getting in on this, too. :)
Steuard Jensen
Steuard Jensen
[Snip Chapter Two]
> Steuard, perhaps you would take on doing a digest of Chapter Three? :-)
Only too pleased. I hope that this etext will be of use to everyone
who looks for one in the future.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER THREE
THREE IS COMPANY
Despite Frodo's resolution to leave at once, he was in truth very
reluctant to start, now that it had come to the point. One afternoon
two or three weeks after Gandalf's warning (or maybe four, or perhaps
just one; Frodo spent most of the days that followed drunk, and rather
lost track of time), Frodo went to the wizard for advice. "Gandalf,"
he asked, voice filled with concern, "I _can't_ just vanish without a
trace. After Bilbo's farewell stunt, I'd never be able to look the
old hobbit in the eye again if I didn't keep up the family tradition.
Like father, like son, you know."
Gandalf, confused, said, "Father? What are you talking about?
Bilbo was your first and second cousin, once removed either way... I
should know, I had to sit through two and a half hours of old Gaffer
Gamgee's genealogy lectures at the party. Seating me next to him was
one of Bilbo's little jokes."
"Oh, well, you know," Frodo fumbled, "Bilbo _did_ have the Ring and
all, and my mother was quite comely when she was a lass... the whole
thing has been discussed before, though not generally in polite
company. I'd rather not talk about it. And anyway, this isn't
getting me any closer to an excuse to leave."
"Don't worry, Frodo," replied Gandalf. "I thought you might prove
to be hesitant, so I've taken some steps of my own to provide for a
suitably ignominious departure for you."
Just as Frodo gave Gandalf a sharp, suspicious look, a hammering
sound came down the hall from the front door. "What in the heavens is
that?" cried Frodo.
"Unless I miss my guess," Gandalf explained, "those will be your
creditors. I took the liberty of closing your bank accounts and
taking out a number of short term loans in your name from some of your
competitors in the 'Sharkey' business. As I recall, they come due
today. Incidentally, I've got to be off to, er, scout out the road
ahead, so I'll just slip out and catch up with you later. Look for me
in Bree!" And with that, the old wizard dashed off and was gone.
Frodo leapt out of his chair in a panic, as the hammering on the
door became more insistent. "What have you done with my money?" he
yelled in the direction Gandalf had run, but he knew that chasing the
wizard would only waste valuable escape time. Fortunately, Pipsqueak
and Mobster were visiting for the day, accompanied by Pipsqueak's
annoying younger brother Fatty, and Sam was back in the cellar doing
some unspecified repairs. Quickly, Frodo rounded up his friends and
explained the situation.
"The Sackville-Baggins 'family' is here to take everything they can
get their grubby hands on," Frodo explained, "and that includes me and
all of my friends. We'd better clear out in short order if we don't
want to end up at the bottom of Bywater Pool. Quickly, now, run
through the hole and grab everything valuable that isn't bolted down:
the thought of the Sackville-Bagginses getting a hold of my things
makes me sick, and anyway, I'll be broke if we don't pile up some of
this loot before we go."
Quickly, the five hobbits scattered throughout the hole, filling old
pillow cases with whatever they could carry. Frodo had a strong door,
but now the pounding gave way to a repeated ramming sound; he knew
they didn't have much time. He met Pipsqueak, Mobster, and Fatty in
the study as they had agreed: it was on the lefthand side of the hall
(going in) like all the best rooms, for these were the only ones to
have windows large enough for a desperate hobbit to climb out in an
emergency. After a tense minute's delay, Frodo shouted back into the
hole. "Sam!" he called. "Sam! Time!"
"Coming, sir!" came the answer from far within, followed soon by Sam
himself, wiping his mouth. "I was just saying farewell to Rosi--um,
the beer-barrel in the cellar."
Frodo looked down at Sam's hand. "Give me that Ring," he snapped,
as he yanked the ancient artifact off of Sam's finger. With that,
they all scrambled out of the window along with their bags of loot.
Just at that moment, a great crash came from the hall as the door
finally gave way.
"Sam," said Frodo once they were outside, "take this key to your
father, and tell him to hold on to it. We're going need it when we
come back for revenge. Then cut along the Row and meet us as quick as
you can at the gate in the lane beyond the meadows. We are not going
through the village tonight. Too many ears pricking and eyes prying."
Sam ran off at full speed, while Frodo and the others loaded the cart
that Mobster had fortunately brought along that morning.
The sun went down. Sad and frightening sounds came from within Bag
End in the dark, as the Sackville-Bagginses wrecked and looted the
place in their search for Frodo. Once the cart had been hastily
packed, Frodo sent Mobster and Fatty with it on ahead. Mobster was,
as a rule, terrible company on a hike, and Fatty was a hundred times
worse. "Sam and Pipsqueak and I will meet you at the safehouse in
Crickhollow the day after tomorrow," he said, and they drove away as
quietly yet quickly as they could.
Frodo looked back at the dark black windows of Bag End, some of
which were being smashed out as he watched. One of the windows near
the cellar seemed to have a ripped piece of a hobbit lass's dress torn
and fluttering on a nail. He waved his hand to his long home.
"Good-bye!" he said, and then turned and (following Bilbo, if he had
known it) hurried after Pipsqueak down the garden path. Taking the
most secret route they knew, they jumped over the low place in the
hedge at the bottom and took to the fields, passing into the blessed
concealment of darkness like a cattle rustler into the grasses.
They met Sam at the gate, and proceeded along the deserted lane for
a mile or two, at which point they cut off into the fields to throw
off pursuit. After some time they crossed the Water, and made their
way toward the hilly country to the south. "Well, I'll say this,"
remarked Frodo as he looked back into the valley of Hobbiton and back
to the Hill, where tiny flames had begun to rise from the vicinity of
Bag End, "that _was_ quite an exit. I wonder if I'll ever be able to
show my face in that valley again?" Sam and Pipsqueak were walking on
ahead exchanging dirty stories, and Frodo's question went unanswered.
The three friends walked on and on into the night. Eventually, the
moon set, and after Pipsqueak nearly fell into a deep streambed for
the third time, the hobbits agreed that they should stop where they
were and sleep for the night. Of course, none of them had thought to
take any bedding with them on the trip, so they all curled up on top
of the tree roots nearby, ignoring the soft, comfortable bed of
fir-needles that covered the ground beyond the roots. They set no
watch: they had drawn lots, but when Frodo and Sam noticed Pipsqueak
cheating they all decided it was a lost cause and went to bed.
A few creatures came and looked at them as they slept. A fox
passing through the wood on business of his own stopped several
minutes and sniffed. "Hobbits!" he thought. "And sleeping out of
doors under a tree at that. There's something mighty queer behind
this. I'd better head off to tell my friends Bombadil, Gandalf, and
Elrond all about it in short order. Good thing I can speak Westron."
The next morning came, pale and clammy. The three friends went on
walking through the trees, and Frodo began to chant to himself in a
low voice:
The Road goes ever on and on,
and on and on and on and on,
and on and on the Road has gone,
why did I let *Mobster* drive the cart?
Sam and Pipsqueak stopped and gave Frodo an odd look, but when he
didn't respond they all went on their way, deeper into the wood.
The sun was beginning to get low and the hobbits had just passed
into a stand of beech trees when they heard hoofbeats on the road
behind them. "Quick!" whispered Frodo, staring back the way they had
come. "They must have found our tracks sooner than we thought. Hide
behind the trees!" He turned back around, and realized that his
friends hadn't needed his advice: they had already run a good ways
into the wood and buried themselves under a pile of leaves. Frodo
himself only had time to duck behind a nearby statue of a Pukel-man
when a tall black horse came into view.
On it sat a large black man, wearing a dark, dark grey cloak and
hood. When the horse reached the statue level with Frodo it stopped,
and the black man started looking from side to side, breathing
heavily. A light breeze blew in Frodo's direction, and Frodo caught a
whiff of a terrible smell like last Easter's missing egg. He gagged,
and the black man stared toward his hiding place and began to climb
off of his horse.
But at that moment there came a sound like mingled song and
laughter. The black man started to tap his foot, then hum along with
the music. Finally, he started singing out loud, and then suddenly
realized what he was doing. He got an extremely sheepish look on his
face, leapt up on his horse, and rode away in utter embarrassment.
"Elves!" exclaimed Sam, coming with Pipsqueak to Frodo's side.
"Elves, sir!" Frodo nodded, and as the voices drew nearer, their song
became clearer:
O! What are we doing,
And where are we going?
We're soon barbecuing!
The river is flowing!
O! tra-la-la-lally
up out of the valley!
O! What are we seeking,
And where are we making?
The faggots are reeking!
The bannocks are baking!
O! tril-lil-lil-lolly
the vally was jolly,
ha! ha!
Well, okay, not that much clearer, but Elves are like that.
Nevertheless, Sam stood enchanted. "Is it true, Mr. Frodo, that Elves
have drugs the like of which no mortal has ever known? It certainly
sounds like it."
Frodo answered, with awe but not without disappointment. "Yes, Sam.
These are, indeed, High Elves. Sadly, they share not their precious
drugs with outsiders. Still, they can be good company, and they sure
throw a great barbecue."
As the Elves drew near, Frodo stepped out into the path. "Elen sila
lumenn' omentielvo!" he said in his most friendly tones.
The Elves appeared confused. "What do you mean, Frodo, that your
sister has a wombat through her tea-time?" Frodo cursed under his
breath, and swore a silent oath to himself never to trust Bilbo's
language lessons again. The Elf went on, "No matter. You look weary
and hungry; would you like to come with us to dinner?"
"Certainly, good people," replied Frodo greatfully, for the dinner
invitations of the High Elves are rare and prized indeed, "but how do
you know my name?"
"We have watched you long," they laughed, "and your father Bilbo
before you." At this, Frodo winced, but they took no notice. "Your
adventures with that young Cassiopiea Took were quite amusing, and as
for Bilbo, well..." Frodo was now blushing furiously, and the Elves
(together with Sam and Pipsqueak) simply laughed again and said no
more. They passed on into the night, until they came to a clearing in
the wood.
In the clearing, there stood a ring of great upright standing
stones, connected from top to top with other great stone slabs all
around the circle. "Welcome to Sto-wan-hensh, our hall of feasts,"
said Gildor, the leader of the Elves. "You are fortunate: it is
almost time for supper."
Even as Gildor spoke, an Elf sighting along two tall stones cried
out, "The stars are now in place! It's ten o'clock; soup's on!"
Torches and bonfires leapt into life all around the stone circle, and
soon the entire company was happily eating barbecued fox and toasted
cornbread. A large flat stone in the center of the ring had been
scrubbed clean, and was surrounded by blazing fires that heated it
almost until it glowed; an Elf was frying bacon on its top. The
hobbits tried not to feel disappointed when the High Elves didn't
offer them any _miruvor_ when it was passed around, but other than
that the evening was perfect.
Frodo soon decided to share some of his fears and concerns with
Gildor as they ate. "Gildor, what would a black man be doing in the
Shire? We were pursued by one today, and he only left when he heard
your company approach."
"A black man? In the Shire?" said Gildor doubtfully. "I have never
heard of such a thing, not since the old days of the Kings and their
battles with Angmar. Just about everyone in this part of the world is
Caucasian, and that's a fact."
"And yet," explained Frodo, "he was there, and I was frightened.
I've never been comfortable around minorities."
From the background, Pipsqueak spoke up, "Be sure to tell him about the
smelling! I'm sure it is very important!"
"Well," Frodo said to Gildor, "he did have this awful odor..."
Gildor cut Frodo off sharply. "Hold it right there. This story is
racist enough as it is; we don't need any comments about 'Black
Breath' making it worse."
"Right. We'll drop the subject," said Frodo. "Nevertheless, I _am_
pursued, even before I have left the Shire. I am supposed to meet
Gandalf in Bree, but I don't know how I'll even make it that far, or
what to do if he isn't there. I'm at a loss, I'm frightened, and I'm
bearing a terrible burden on which may rest the fate of all
Middle-earth. Can you give me any advice?"
"No. Yes." said Gildor.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Just a couple of comments on this chapter. First of all, I hope
nobody takes the "black rider" comments badly; I figured it would be a
good way to parody the "Tolkien is racist" folks. Second, I rather
like the idea of making the Elves throughout the parody "_The Hobbit_
type" Elves rather than "LotR type" Elves. Third and finally, I have
no idea who else might want to take a turn, so volunteers are welcome.
(It might be good to post a quick note claiming the next chapter
before you start writing, to try and avoid overlap... though
propagation times being what they are that may not help much. Enjoy!
Steuard Jensen
Andrew Wells
>Raven <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote in message
>news:RCmQ4.608$jL4....@news.get2net.dk...
>> I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands, please.
>BTW why is it so bad that he asked for it?
A) It is illegal
B) Having frequented the Tolkien newsgroups long enough to get all the
addresses he did, he will have known that it is illegal
C) He is asking others to break the law on his behalf
Öjevind Lång
>[Snip Chapter Two]
>> Steuard, perhaps you would take on doing a digest of Chapter Three? :-)
>
>Only too pleased. I hope that this etext will be of use to everyone
>who looks for one in the future.
[snip]
Bravo! A bravura chapter! Any would-be ripper-off of Tolkien's estate who
makes it through these chapters with his sanity intact would be a superman.
Now, as for the writer of Chapter Four - Kent, can't you take it on?
Öjevind
the softrat
(Steuard Jensen) wrote:
>Quoth "Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se>:
>[Snip Chapter Two]
>> Steuard, perhaps you would take on doing a digest of Chapter Three? :-)
>
Excuse me for asking, but what happened to the Forward, the Prologue,
and Chapter One? Don't we need a regurgitation, uh, digest of these to
be complete?
the softrat
mailto:sof...@pobox.com
--
_The_ morally smug elitist snob
(and 'insufferably arrogant', too)
Steuard Jensen
> Excuse me for asking, but what happened to the Forward, the
> Prologue, and Chapter One? Don't we need a regurgitation, uh, digest
> of these to be complete?
I think you just volunteered. :) We'll look forward to seeing
them... soon. :)
Steuard Jensen
the softrat
Nuh-uh! I can't write fiction fur beans!
the softrat
mailto:sof...@pobox.com
--
When you're talking about me, keep your mouth shut.
the softrat
wrote:
>the softrat wrote:
>> On Sun, 07 May 2000 22:15:14 GMT, sbje...@midway.uchicago.edu
>> (Steuard Jensen) wrote:
>> >Quoth the softrat <sof...@pobox.com>:
>> >> Excuse me for asking, but what happened to the Forward, the
>> >> Prologue, and Chapter One? Don't we need a regurgitation, uh, digest
>> >> of these to be complete?
>> >
>> >I think you just volunteered. :) We'll look forward to seeing
>> >them... soon. :)
>> > Steuard Jensen
>>
>> Nuh-uh! I can't write fiction fur beans!
>
You are all terrible, mean, viscous people and if I get drunk enough I
might just take you up on this and then you'd be so sorry you teased
me into it and you would laugh and puke your guts out and I would
laugh then.
"In a whole in the ground lived a Habit...."
"Prorogue: Concerning Hubbubs ....."
You've never seen what happens when I give my spell checker its head,
have you?"
MOOWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
the softrat
mailto:sof...@pobox.com
--
Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can't remember...
the softrat
wrote:
> ...if I had read a couple of
>sentences I would have realized it was a parody.
You say it's parroty? Whuh kind?
the softrat
mailto:sof...@pobox.com
--
My veal cutlet tried to beat the shit out of my cup of coffee...
the coffee just wasn't strong enough to defend himself.
(Tom Waits)
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>Excuse me for asking, but what happened to the Forward, the Prologue,
>and Chapter One? Don't we need a regurgitation, uh, digest of these to
>be complete?
Chapter One, as told by O. Sharp, can be found higher up in this thread.
Öjevind
Kent
> Now, as for the writer of Chapter Four - Kent, can't you take it on?
>
> Öjevind
More than happy to. However, I've been gone most of the weekend and
need time to catch up with you guys (read your previous chapters, the
actual chapter 4, ect.). Gimme a day or two. But don't let my
tardiness slow the train...continue on. Perhaps as a respite until I
finish, I nominate Hazelnut Whittlewhite to render all poems and
songs!! Seconds?
Kent
Kent
>
> On Sun, 07 May 2000 22:15:14 GMT, sbje...@midway.uchicago.edu
> (Steuard Jensen) wrote:
>
> >Quoth the softrat <sof...@pobox.com>:
> >> Prologue, and Chapter One? Don't we need a regurgitation, uh, digest
> >> of these to be complete?
> >
David Sulger
>It might be good to post a quick note
>claiming the next chapter before you
>start writing, to try and avoid overlap...
>though propagation times being what
>they are that may not help much.
Oh, I _definitely_ want a crack at this myself. I'd like either Chaper
7 or Chapter 9 (I've been thinking of portraying old Bombadil as some
sort of _very_ radical hippie.).
--Dave
Stan Brown
>>In the interests of furthering cooperation, however, I will be happy to
>>type in the first chapter. :)
>
>Please remember that /LotR/, and all of Tolkien's published works,
>are under copyright. It is against the law in virtually every
>country to make a copy of them.
D'oh! I had thought I only mailed this comment. I was politely
corrected, and acknowledged my mistake.
But I see I posted, too. My apologies! Copyright violation is a
hot-button topic for me, but of course if I had read a couple of
sentences I would have realized it was a parody. I reacted WAY too
fast.
O. Sharp
: [...] Gimme a day or two. [...]
I, for one, am agog with anticipation. :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@netcom.com And when you're done, I could _swear_ I just saw Mr.
Hietbrink volunteering for Chapter Five. :)
Öjevind Lång
Steuard Jensen wrote:
>It might be good to post a quick note
>claiming the next chapter before you
>start writing, to try and avoid overlap...
>though propagation times being what
>they are that may not help much.
Oh, I _definitely_ want a crack at this myself. I'd like either Chaper
7 or Chapter 9 (I've been thinking of portraying old Bombadil as some
sort of _very_ radical hippie.).
Splendid! Then perhaps Conrad Dunkerson can take Chapter Six as soon as Kent
has written Chapter Four and Bruce Hietbrink Chapter Five?
Öjevind
Robert Brady
>I don't condone copyright violations at all, being a software
>author myself. But it's tempting to think that if pirate e-text
>editions started floating around, the Tolkien estate might wake up
>and publish an authorized (and error-free) edition at modest cost.
I was under the impression that the text Ace published is still technically
not copyrighted in the United States. Can anyone confirm this?
--
Robert
"Any person who knowingly causes a nuclear weapon test explosion or any other
nuclear explosion is guilty of an offence and liable on conviction on
indictment to imprisonment for life." -- Nuclear Explosions Act 1998.
Steuard Jensen
> Splendid! Then perhaps Conrad Dunkerson can take Chapter Six as soon
> as Kent has written Chapter Four and Bruce Hietbrink Chapter Five?
This is looking quite promising. :) Just in case they might be
interested, I've also dropped lines to David Salo and Bill Hicklin
inviting them to contribute chapters (and, if they wish, to come back
and help shape the groups in the post-Martinez era). Can anyone think
of other old regulars who might like to help?
Something we need, though, is for some central person to keep track of
who's writing what, so that delays in post propagation don't end up
making two people write the same chapter. (Volunteers would then just
email that central person, as email propagates faster than news fairly
consistently.) I'd be happy to keep a list myself, but I'll defer to
O. Sharp or Ojevind if they'd rather be the organizing types. To add
a couple of silly administrative suggestions, it might be good to make
sure people volunteer for earlier chapters before later ones (for
example, don't allow people to claim "The Steward and the King" while
we're still working on Book One). Also, just considering the way this
is going so far, it's probably not a good idea to write too much
before all preceding chapters have been completed, so that you'll at
least have the opportunity to remain consistent with what's gone
before.
Anyway, I don't want to kill the spontaneity of this thing, so I won't
really push for any of these suggestions, but they could help to make
everything proceed more smoothly as we go.
Steuard Jensen
O. Sharp
<ojevin...@swipnet.se> (whose name my newsreader mysteriously refuses
to post with the accent-marks intact):
:> Splendid! Then perhaps Conrad Dunkerson can take Chapter Six as soon
:> as Kent has written Chapter Four and Bruce Hietbrink Chapter Five?
:
: This is looking quite promising. :)
Or frightening, depending on how you look at it. :)
: Just in case they might be
: interested, I've also dropped lines to David Salo and Bill Hicklin
: inviting them to contribute chapters (and, if they wish, to come back
: and help shape the groups in the post-Martinez era).
Now _that_ would be delightful. :) I had hopes, when I started this,
that it might serve as a distraction to get our minds off the Late
Unpleasantness; if it can also be used as bait to lure back such
excellent posters as these, then I'd say it's worked well beyond my
wildest hopes!
: Something we need, though, is for some central person to keep track of
: who's writing what, so that delays in post propagation don't end up
: making two people write the same chapter. (Volunteers would then just
: email that central person, as email propagates faster than news fairly
: consistently.) I'd be happy to keep a list myself, but I'll defer to
: O. Sharp or Ojevind if they'd rather be the organizing types.
[other worthwhile administrative ideas snipped]
Well: the three of us can hash this out via e-mail, I think, and once we
know what we're doing everyone can expect to see a post regarding the New
Tolkien Transcription Project Administrative Dictator-For-Life[tm]. I'll
add one other administrative detail, though: it would probably be
worthwhile to have a web-location where previous chapters can be
accessed, partly for entertainment but also so later contributors don't
have to go dredging through Usenet archives to find them.
Naturally, I think the Tolkien Sarcasm Page would be ideal. :) :) :)
If any contributors have a problem with this idea, _please_ let me know;
in the meantime I'll start preparing an area for it, in the hopes that
the idea might not be found to be horrifyingly objectionable.
(The site's been long overdue for an update anyway, and I finally have
some time to work on it again as well. Perhaps this is just the incentive
I needed to actually hurry up and do the damn work. <g>)
: Anyway, I don't want to kill the spontaneity of this thing, so I won't
: really push for any of these suggestions, but they could help to make
: everything proceed more smoothly as we go.
I originally imagined this as being some sort of literary "hot potato":
something handled briefly and gingerly, and then thrown to the next
unwitting victim. You can imagine my surprise to see people actively
_reaching_ for it. :) :)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@netcom.com I don't suppose Christopher Tolkien could be induced to
write a chapter or two, could he?... Okay, okay, never
mind.
Abbie Wright
Conrad Dunkerson wrote:
> "Raven" <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote in message
> news:RCmQ4.608$jL4....@news.get2net.dk...
>
> > I had two of those too. How many else did? Show of hands,
> > please.
>
> Me.
I got the first one, replied and told him to have a bookstore order it
for him, and then got the second one. Very odd since I've posted about
twice.
Abbie
Conrad Dunkerson
news:r4AR4.19131$uJ1....@nntpserver.swip.net...
> Splendid! Then perhaps Conrad Dunkerson can take Chapter Six as
> soon as Kent has written Chapter Four and Bruce Hietbrink Chapter
> Five?
Thanks Oje (and O. Sharp). I'm swamped at work, but I'll get
something put together for Six soon.
David Sulger
>Can anyone think of other old regulars
>who might like to help?
Well, I'm a new regular who wants to pitch in.
[snipped organization proposals]
I was going to suggest some of these things myself, but I saw what
suggesting got softrat, so I kept my mouth shut. :) We don't want it to
be _too_ organized, since a lot a unexpected twists will make it more
interesting, but we also need it to be somewhat coherent as well, which
won't be the case if there are too many jarring inconsistancies.
--Dave
David Sulger
>I'll add one other administrative detail,
>though: it would probably be worthwhile
>to have a web-location where previous
>chapters can be accessed, partly for
>entertainment but also so later
>contributors don't have to go dredging
>through Usenet archives to find them.
I was thinking the same thing. Two additional reasons we can add:
first, we don't want Deja to mysteriously lose a chapter and mess the
whole thing up. Second, we can always use the website to give to people
who bug us about e-texts, much like we do with your homework page when
people ask us to do their homework for them.
>The site's been long overdue for an
>update anyway, and I finally have some
>time to work on it again as well.
That's great! I've been looking forward to some new crackpot theories
myself. :)
--Dave
Steuard Jensen
far to his Tolkien Sarcasm Page; I will try to link to it from my
Tolkien page at some point in the not-too-distant future. The address
is
http://www.speakeasy.org/~ohh/book/
In the meantime, I've now declared myself That Guy Who Sorta Keeps
Track of Things (with the consent of Ojevind and O. Sharp). My
philosophy here is going to be pretty much hands off: what people
write is up to them. However, a few minor little guidelines will
probably make this more fun rather than less (if anyone thinks there
are too many of them, let me know).
First and foremost, if you want to write a chapter, that's wonderful!
Send me an email before you get too carried away, though, just so we
don't end up with six different versions of chapter eight. Chapter
sign up will be pretty much on a first come, first served basis.
However, I reserve the right to tweak things to favor people who
haven't contributed before (or who have contributed less). My email
address is
In general, it's probably simplest for people to just tell me that
they're interested in writing a chapter, and I'll email them back with
which chapter they're writing (putting them in the next available
slot). This has several advantages: 1) it continues the tradition
started by O. Sharp and Ojevind of dumping an arbitrary chapter in the
next person's lap like a hot potato, 2) it makes sure that every
chapter will in fact be written, and 3) it forces people to think
about chapters they might not otherwise have thought about (given a
choice, I might not have chosen Chapter 3, but once it was in my lap I
loved it).
Once you've got a chapter done, post it to the groups (in response to
the previous chapter, preferably, though I'd suggest that Chapter 4 be
posted as a followup to this article). Copyright is, of course,
retained by each chapter's author. Because of that, we'd appreciate
it if somewhere in your post you made a comment like "Permission is
granted to O. Sharp and Steuard Jensen to make this chapter available
(with attribution to the author) on the web." Modify that to your
heart's content, but we really would like to be able to have the whole
"corpus" gathered together in one place, so chapters that we aren't
allowed to copy could be a bit disappointing. (It might be convenient
if you sent copies by email to me and to O. Sharp as well.)
Other than that, do whatever you want. I will offer a couple of
suggestions, though. First of all, try to remain faithful to the
chapters that have gone before, particularly with regards to
"published" details like names and events. We do want this thing to
read like a continuous story, after all. Second, along similar lines,
even after you've got your chapter "assignment", don't write too much
until all the preceeding chapters have been written: you have _no_
idea what some of these weirdos could come up with. :) Finally, it's
probably best if the chapters don't get _too_ R-rated: sexual innuendo
and comic violence are okay, but don't get carried away. (People
shouldn't say "This needs a tilde," they should say "Does this need a
tilde? Hmm. Well, I guess not.")
One final note: I know that some chapters have already been assigned
or claimed. Would those of you who think you're writing a particular
chapter send me email telling me what you're doing? (I think there
are just two to four of you...) I'll post an updated list (and
probably make a "current assignments" web site) once I have those
details.
Steuard Jensen
Juho P. Pahajoki
No high elf (high or not) would name any place like that! The initial
consonant cluster of St is illegal, as well as the final consonant
cluster of nsh. Normally quenyan words end in single consonant (t, s,
n, l or r) or a vowel. Consonant clusters normally only appear between
vowels, never in the beginning or the end.
>Just a couple of comments on this chapter. First of all, I hope
>nobody takes the "black rider" comments badly; I figured it would be a
>good way to parody the "Tolkien is racist" folks.
*Nod*, funny enough it was, I think, but the fox scene was a *real* laugh!
Thanks for all the laughs for you, Öje and the one who started this
(for him specifically). There's never too much laugh in the world.
Please keep 'em coming!
--
My Balrog flies over the ocean / Bring back, Bring back
My Balrog flies over the sea / Oh bring back my Balrog to me, to mee!
My Balrog flies over the ocean / Bring back, Bring back
Oh bring back my Balrog to me.../ Oh bring back my Balrog to me!
Kent
> In the meantime, I've now declared myself That Guy Who Sorta Keeps
> Track of Things (with the consent of Ojevind and O. Sharp). My
> philosophy here is going to be pretty much hands off: what people
> write is up to them. However, a few minor little guidelines will
> probably make this more fun rather than less (if anyone thinks there
> are too many of them, let me know).
The most important first guideline to establish:
Is this going to be a parady meant for humor alone or to trip up
cheaters? If we're mostly trying to spoil those students who want to
cheat, we need to keep the humor to a minimum (ie. Pipsqueek for Pippin,
High Elves meaning they take drugs, ect) or else they'll realise they've
been duped. We can alter the story enough to give the informed a good
laugh without giving away the joke to the cheaters: changing
characters' motivations, descriptions, adding in or altering major
scenes, ect.
What's the vote for this one: parady or mis-information?
Douglas Henderson
I vote for subversive and subtle. Wit for those who have read the
book. Parody was already done, and done well imo by Bored of the Rings,
all that we would be doing is ringing the changes on it else.
Aris Katsaris
Kent <rinc...@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message
news:3918346E...@worldnet.att.net...
> Steuard Jensen wrote:
> > In the meantime, I've now declared myself That Guy Who Sorta Keeps
> > Track of Things (with the consent of Ojevind and O. Sharp). My
> > philosophy here is going to be pretty much hands off: what people
> > write is up to them. However, a few minor little guidelines will
> > probably make this more fun rather than less (if anyone thinks there
> > are too many of them, let me know).
>
> The most important first guideline to establish:
>
> Is this going to be a parady meant for humor alone or to trip up
> cheaters? If we're mostly trying to spoil those students who want to
> cheat, we need to keep the humor to a minimum (ie. Pipsqueek for Pippin,
> High Elves meaning they take drugs, ect) or else they'll realise they've
> been duped. We can alter the story enough to give the informed a good
> laugh without giving away the joke to the cheaters: changing
> characters' motivations, descriptions, adding in or altering major
> scenes, ect.
>
> What's the vote for this one: parady or mis-information?
Humour and parody, please. Bad students aren't worth the effort- after
all misinforming them has been all done before. It would get tiresome
soon, I think.
But humour is always worth the effort. (though I think that the Pipsqueak
for Pippin was a kinda lame joke - after all it's gonna get old real soon)
Aris Katsaris
David Sulger
>What's the vote for this one: parady or
>mis-information?
I'd go with a little bit of both, myself. After all, O. Sharp did start
this off as a general reply to all the people who are looking for
e-texts of Tolkien's work. Of course, he didn't realize what he
started...
Basically, as I see it, this is partially for our entertainment and
general humor, as well as a way of replying to all those interminable
(not to mention downright damn annoying) requests for Tolkien e-texts.
--Dave
O. Sharp
: Is this going to be a parady meant for humor alone or to trip up
: cheaters? If we're mostly trying to spoil those students who want to
: cheat, we need to keep the humor to a minimum (ie. Pipsqueek for Pippin,
: High Elves meaning they take drugs, ect) or else they'll realise they've
: been duped. We can alter the story enough to give the informed a good
: laugh without giving away the joke to the cheaters: changing
: characters' motivations, descriptions, adding in or altering major
: scenes, ect.
Where would you rate the chapters which have already been posted? Perhaps
they can serve as a reasonable answer to the question.
...Parody and cheater-tripping are, I think, quite compatible; the work can
be a lot of fun and still be able to trip up your typical cheater. If I
had to _pick _one or the other, however, I would pick parody.
Curiously, my motivation here isn't so much because I want it to be funny -
and I _do_ want it to be funny; one can write very close to Tolkien's own
literary style, and still make it dementedly funny - but rather for legal
reasons. Parody is an acknowledged, and legally protected, form of
expression. However, "cheater-tripping" is not... and if a chapter looks
_TOO_ much like the Tolkien original, with alterations only to names and
minor detail for cheater-tripping, it could also be a legitimate
according-to-Hoyle copyright violation (and I would, of course, have to
decline the honor of putting it in the archive).
Sooooo... in my humble, but incredibly all-knowing and well-informed,
opinion, more changes and humor is better than less. :) I would,
however, agree that we want to remain close enough to the original story's
structure that our work doesn't become incoherant. :)
...It's worth noting that even small changes in the early chapters will
have a "butterfly effect" later on. The Ring's "powers of seduction" have
already taken some fun turns... I'm curious to see how Mobster Brandybuck,
the hobbit who was casually described as "cold as ice and as ruthless as
a society hostess", will be getting on with Eowyn during the Ride of the
Rohirrim. :) :)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@netcom.com Also, I think tripping up cheaters will prove to be
insanely easy no matter _what_ we do. People often are,
well, unobservant, to put it charitably. You'd be
_stunned_ at how many e-mails I get about the LotR
Synopsis page which start, "I noticed a mistake in
your synopsis! Bilbo didn't get the Ring from a dragon.
You need to change that right away." :)
This is to say _nothing_ about the people who keep
trying to buy the "Lord of the Rings Board Game"...
Neil Franklin
> I originally imagined this as being some sort of literary "hot potato":
> something handled briefly and gingerly, and then thrown to the next
> unwitting victim. You can imagine my surprise to see people actively
> _reaching_ for it. :) :)
And so O. Shauron created the literary ring. :-)
--
Neil Franklin, ne...@franklin.ch.remove http://neil.franklin.ch/
Nerd, Geek, Hacker, Unix Guru, Sysadmin, Roleplayer, LARPer, Mystic
Use a WIMP (Windows Icons Mouse Pulldowns) interface -
or get one with a CLUE (Command Line User Environment)?
Douglas Henderson
Wait a minute, are you saying he spoke out of it?
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>The most important first guideline to establish:
>
>Is this going to be a parady meant for humor alone or to trip up
>cheaters? If we're mostly trying to spoil those students who want to
>cheat, we need to keep the humor to a minimum (ie. Pipsqueek for Pippin,
>High Elves meaning they take drugs, ect) or else they'll realise they've
>been duped. We can alter the story enough to give the informed a good
>laugh without giving away the joke to the cheaters: changing
>characters' motivations, descriptions, adding in or altering major
>scenes, ect.
>
>What's the vote for this one: parady or mis-information?
Humour, definitely! Both because it will be more fun to do and because, as
O. Sharp ha spointed out, a pseudo-LotR that was not an obvious parody would
probably be a copyright infringement. And anyway, imagine the face of a
cheter who downwoads our "Lord of the Rings" and then starts to read it! :-D
Öjevind
PaulB
<rinc...@worldnet.att.net> writes:
>What's the vote for this one: parady or mis-information?
I vote for a dry-witted parody with lots of literate references. Sort of
a "Bored of the Rings" meets "Silverlock" by John Myers Myers. This would
serve to trip up the slower witted students right away and make the smarter
ones curse and laugh with chagrin because they just wasted all that time
waiting for a usable answer when they should have been doing the work
themselves.
Breathe
Peace
PB
"... the essence of myth [is] that it have no taint of allegory to the maker
and yet should suggest incipient allegories to the reader..."
C. S. Lewis, having read "The Lay of Leithian"
the softrat
(Steuard Jensen) wrote:
> fooling only the utterly clueless is enough for me. :)
Like shootin' fish in a barrel!
the softrat
mailto:sof...@pobox.com
--
Some people have one of those days. I have one of those lives.
Steuard Jensen
> Is this going to be a parady meant for humor alone or to trip up
> cheaters?
I approached my chapter as a parody, but perhaps a _moderately_ subtle
one in most places. Given that, following Ojevind's "Pipsqueak" and
"Mobster" was on the blatant side, as were "high" Elves and the
almost-story-external comment about "black breath". Still, I'm fairly
happy with the balance I used; make of that what you will.
Incidentally, I've been taking the approach that we're stuck with
whatever comes to us from earlier chapters: work with what you're
given. I can see, however, that authors may sometimes _really_ wish
that a detail from an earlier chapter were a little bit different.
Try to work around it, or to come up with a new plan to take it into
account (that's why I don't want things to get _too_ far ahead of the
"current state" at any given point). If you really feel desperate,
though, feel free to get in touch with the original author of that
element _and_ all of the authors between its creation and your chapter
who have used it in the tiniest way and ask them if it could be
changed. (Doing this over email would probably be best.) It is
clearly only feasible to do this fairly soon after the element in
question is first introduced, which is exactly how I want it. :)
> If we're mostly trying to spoil those students who want to cheat, we
> need to keep the humor to a minimum (ie. Pipsqueek for Pippin, High
> Elves meaning they take drugs, ect) or else they'll realise they've
> been duped.
I think O. Sharp's comments here are quite telling: people can be
_remarkably_ clueless. I don't really want to completely take
advantage of anyone who has _half_ a clue; fooling only the utterly
clueless is enough for me. :)
> We can alter the story enough to give the informed a good laugh
> without giving away the joke to the cheaters: changing characters'
> motivations, descriptions, adding in or altering major scenes, ect.
> What's the vote for this one: parady or mis-information?
As I said earlier, the best guide to my opinion on this is the chapter
I've already written. In general, I'd _like_ to see quite a bit of
subtle humor in the story, but I don't know just how much I followed
that goal when I wrote. My _real_ suggestion is "write what feels
good at the moment" and follow wherever it takes you. I don't know if
that's at all clear, but it's the best answer I can come up with. :)
Steuard Jensen
Kent
itself soooo well to humor, but I knew if I wrote it the way I wanted,
no cheating student (well, most anyway) could still think we're serious
afterwards.
Kent
Steuard Jensen
As I said, if you've got a great vision, go for it! Everything else
is secondary. :) This is a pretty freewheeling project, after all.
Steuard Jensen
Kent
"Öjevind Lång" wrote:
> Now, as for the writer of Chapter Four - Kent, can't you take it on?
Posted as a new topic way down below.....
Steuard Jensen
misunderstanding of my intent with the chapter signup is running
rampant. As I was obviously perfectly clear, I can only conclude that
everyone else has simply failed to grasp my simple explanation. :)
More honestly, it seems that a clarification is in order.
1) IF you had already volunteered for a chapter (or been volunteered
:) ) when we started getting organized, email me to confirm that
you are indeed writing that chapter.
2) If you want to write a chapter but you don't have one yet, simply
tell me that you want to help out. Unless you are remarkably eager
to do a specific chapter, I'll simply put you down in the next
available blank spot. In other words, your "assignment" depends as
much on fate and timing as anything else. See my previous post for
more comments on the topic. [If _lots_ of people have specific
chapters in mind and it doesn't look like there are too many gaps,
maybe I'll reevaluate this.] I _do_ want to keep gaps in the
sequence to a minimum: I'd rather not assign chapters in Book 2
until we're close to being done with Book 1, for example. If
you've got time conflicts right now, just wait a little while
before requesting an assignment. I sincerely doubt that we'll run
out of chapters anytime soon, but if that looks like a danger I'll
post a warning. :)
On an entirely different note, I've already received a request from
someone in Spain for permission to translate our current chapters and
post them to a related Spanish newsgroup. If this could be at all
common, then perhaps we need to come up with a more detailed statement
of copyright that we'll all agree to abide by. I'll see if I can
draft a possibility, but other suggestions are welcome. (I _did_ give
permission to translate my chapter(s), as long as they're accompanied
by some specific bits of attribution: name, email, and link to the
English version on O. Sharp's site.)
Steuard Jensen
Sparky Fox
>
> 1) IF you had already volunteered for a chapter (or been volunteered
> :) ) when we started getting organized, email me to confirm that
> you are indeed writing that chapter.
I havn't volenteered because I dont know how but I would love to have a go
if posibile
my email is spar...@crosswinds.net please let me know whats expected,
Although I know its parody. What chapters are availible?
I also have a concern, I think the story that is being produced have certain
key elements put in place as they appear in the book so that when in later
chapters someone is required to write about the events they don't end up in
a difficult situation. Names should remain the same at a minimum.
Would it be possible for you to put up on the site a list of the people who
are working on the project and show what chapter(s) they are doing. Perhaps
even list their email addresses so that everyone can keep in contact to make
sure the work flows smoothly.
Perhaps an idea would be to set up a mailing list (www.onelist.com) for your
parody page, this would allow everyone to keep in touch. what do you think.
I could set that up for you if you want
______________________________________________________________________
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Carl Blondin
"Juho P. Pahajoki" wrote:
> Se oli Steuard Jensen joka näin lausui, noin nimesi:
> >around the circle. "Welcome to Sto-wan-hensh, our hall of feasts,"
>
> No high elf (high or not) would name any place like that! The initial
> consonant cluster of St is illegal, as well as the final consonant
> cluster of nsh. Normally quenyan words end in single consonant (t, s,
> n, l or r) or a vowel. Consonant clusters normally only appear between
> vowels, never in the beginning or the end.
It's that long forgotten appendix of quenyan that just resurfaced...;-p
Carl
Carl Blondin
"O. Sharp" wrote:
>
<snipped the warning>
>
>
> I didn't get a copy. I'm so sad. :)
>
> ...But it occurs to me that what we _should_ be doing to handle these
> situations in the future is write up a complete text version of _LotR_ to
> give to everyone who wants a copy. Of course, that means we'd have to
> type in the entire book.
>
> Big job.
>
> In the interests of furthering cooperation, however, I will be happy to
> type in the first chapter. :)
<snipped the so interesting chapter>
But what about the Hobbit? omething has to be done about it.... It'll feel left
out if nothing is done...
Carl
Steuard Jensen
> But what about the Hobbit? omething has to be done about
> it.... It'll feel left out if nothing is done...
I tell ya what: we'll follow Peter Jackson's lead and produce LotR
first, and then go back and do _The Hobbit_ if we've still got some
momentum going. Once we get through _Silm._, _then_ we can rest. :)
But wait... did I just hear you volunteering to contribute a chapter
to our LotR? Let me know...
Steuard Jensen
Carl Blondin
Steuard Jensen wrote:
Yes I did, I just have to get hold of my books. I unofficially have
moved to my girlfriend's so everything is quite unordered as of now.
However, if I get my books soon enough, I wouldn't mind introducing
Lego-lass, unless someone already has this chapter (Council of Elrond
IIRC).
Carl
Prembone
Carl Blondin <cbl...@po-box.mcgill.ca> wrote:
> However, if I get my books soon enough, I wouldn't mind introducing
> Lego-lass, unless someone already has this chapter (Council of Elrond
> IIRC).
Hey, that's the spirit. How many opportunities can we provide for poor
Frodo the Not-Too-Successful-With-Women to vainly attempt to get laid?
Don't blame me...you writers of the first chapters established that
leitmotif without any help from my Tildish self. ;-)
--
Prembone
*********
The Prembone Pages: Humor, Opinion, Parody, Satire
http://prembone.tsx.org
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Carl Blondin
Prembone wrote:
In article <3919AAF3...@po-box.mcgill.ca>,
Carl Blondin <cbl...@po-box.mcgill.ca> wrote:> However, if I get my books soon enough, I wouldn't mind introducing
> Lego-lass, unless someone already has this chapter (Council of Elrond
> IIRC).Hey, that's the spirit. How many opportunities can we provide for poor
Frodo the Not-Too-Successful-With-Women to vainly attempt to get laid?Don't blame me...you writers of the first chapters established that
leitmotif without any help from my Tildish self. ;-)
It would be a pretty plastic experience, I forgot to write in the most important part: Legotm-lass (for all you americans)...
Carl
Steuard Jensen
> I havn't volenteered because I dont know how but I would love to
> have a go if posibile
Take a look at the web page I've put together for the project:
http://home.uchicago.edu/~sbjensen/Tolkien/Etext.html
If you're still interested, send me email asking for a chapter
assignment (the page there has a list of assigned chapters thus far,
but I can assign one for you if you'd prefer). Most of your concerns
are addressed on the "guidelines" page; I'll add authors' email
addresses as I have time (unless they object).
> Perhaps an idea would be to set up a mailing list (www.onelist.com)
> for your parody page, this would allow everyone to keep in
> touch. what do you think. I could set that up for you if you want
I think I _won't_ take the mailing list route: I've never liked the
things. :) Also, someone who only writes Chapter 6 has no need to
keep track of discussions of what to put in Chapter 16. :) Again,
most of these issues are addressed in my guidelines. Best wishes!
Steuard Jensen
O. Sharp
I'm beginning to realize that I'm sending a lot of e-mails lately asking
for permission to repost people's fine material on the Tolkien Sarcasm
Page. These e-mails are, I suppose, kind of redundant, since it seems to
be common knowledge that the archive is _on_ the Tolkien Sarcasm Page
_anyway_. Sooooo... if I may be so bold...
If everyone's okay with it, instead of implicitly asking everyone for
permission each time a new chapter gets posted, I will cheerfully add future
chapters to the rest of the site including attribution to you the author
and a notice of copyright being held _by_ the author, _UNLESS_ you tell
me you don't want me to do it. :)
Hopefully everyone's cool with this. If not, I'm sure I'll be hearing
about it. :) :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@netcom.com I'll also be on a brief hiatus starting Friday,
so expect web-site updates to be a tad slow for a
week or so. It's nothing major. I just have to
report back to Pottsylvania for orders. :)
Bruce N. Hietbrink
This is turning into great fun. I'm especially looking
forward to Prembone's submissions. Thinking about past
threads in this group, I came up with some ideas that the
authors of future chapters might want to consider:
--One of the Nazgul really ought to be named Flopsy.
--Lembas = Twinkies.
--Outside the gate of Moria, there should be a long
discussion on why the dwarves would allow the name "Black
Pit" to be written on the entrance to their beloved Khazad Dum.
--Barlog wings (this one should be obvious).
Bruce Hietbrink
wilb...@aol.com
Actually, I think parts of O. Sharp's Council of Elrond should be
copied into the text verbatim in that Chapter, and that Gandalf should
be speaking to the Balrog when he says, "Fly you Fool! You have
wings!" on the Bridge in Khazad dum (in that Chapter).
Mark
Morgil
but I have lots of ideas which might be helpful to other writers. I´ll
put couple of them here for an exemple.
However, I wonder if its politically correct to meddle in other peoples
writing jobs, so I liked to know what to do with rest of my ideas.
a) Send them here where everyone can take them or leave them.
b) Send them directly to writer of that chapter.
c) Keep them to myself!
Exemple 1: Hobbits and Aragorn come across a beautiful elven
woman armed with sword and riding a horse.
Frodo asks is that the Elven Warrior Princess.
Aragorn replies: No thats Glorfindel, Elven
Cross-dresser.
Exemple 2: Aragorn sings: There is a house in Pelagir,
Called the rising sun...
Exemple 3: Legolas starts longing for the sea, when seagulls
shit all over him.
Exemple 4: Elladan and Elrohir fiercefully hate orcs because their
mother ran away with tall, dark uruk...
Exemple 5: Gimli asks for some of Galadriels "hair", well thats obivious.
Humbly yours,
Morgil
Bruce N. Hietbrink
<kats...@otenet.gr> wrote:
>>
> > --Outside the gate of Moria, there should be a long
> > discussion on why the dwarves would allow the name "Black
> > Pit" to be written on the entrance to their beloved Khazad Dum.
>
> I have read such a joke already - does anyone have the link?
>
About five years ago there was a huge debate over the picture
printed in "A Journey in the Dark" of the Moria gate. Apparently
(I've never learned elvish) in the script it says this is the
gate to Moria, the Elvish name which means Black Pit. This seems
a bit of a slap in the face to the Dwarves. Imagine your neighbor
coming over and slapping a sign saying "Pigsty" over your front
door.
One other suggestion. At some point (Council of Elrond?) someone
should address the oft-asked question of why don't the eagles
just fly the Ring to Mordor.
Bruce
Conrad Dunkerson
news:bnh-110500...@ppc-cam.chem.ucla.edu...
> Thinking about past threads in this group, I came up with some
> ideas that the authors of future chapters might want to consider:
I'm hoping for someone at the Council of Elrond who keeps trying
to convince everyone to have an Eagle take the Ring, but is
ignored. That and O Sharp's existing parody of that section. :)
Prembone
Carl Blondin <cbl...@po-box.mcgill.ca> wrote:
>
Hey, Frodo's desperate....
--
Prembone
*********
The Prembone Pages: Humor, Opinion, Parody, Satire
Cursing a China Blue Streak
http://www.angelfire.com/ca3/cacs/bwc.html
So who died and made Martinez disappear?
--
CACS: Collective Against Consensual Sanity v0.123
Now a text site map! http://www.angelfire.com/ca3/cacs/
While PacBell is broken, contact will be intermittent.
Aris Katsaris
>
> This is turning into great fun. I'm especially looking
> threads in this group, I came up with some ideas that the
> authors of future chapters might want to consider:
>
> --Lembas = Twinkies.
:-) Perhaps I'm unique in not liking product placement in
my fun...
> --Outside the gate of Moria, there should be a long
> discussion on why the dwarves would allow the name "Black
> Pit" to be written on the entrance to their beloved Khazad Dum.
I have read such a joke already - does anyone have the link?
> --Barlog wings (this one should be obvious).
"Fly you fool! You have wings!" --whoa! I *really* like this suggestion
of Mark (wilbur07).
Aris Katsaris
Carl Blondin
"Bruce N. Hietbrink" wrote:
>
>
> One other suggestion. At some point (Council of Elrond?) someone
> should address the oft-asked question of why don't the eagles
> just fly the Ring to Mordor.
I'll think about it... But Frodo could ask the Question when he sees the
mountains
Carl
Carl Blondin
Conrad Dunkerson wrote:
> "Bruce N. Hietbrink" <b...@chem.ucla.edu> wrote in message
> news:bnh-110500...@ppc-cam.chem.ucla.edu...
>
> > Thinking about past threads in this group, I came up with some
> > ideas that the authors of future chapters might want to consider:
>
> I'm hoping for someone at the Council of Elrond who keeps trying
> to convince everyone to have an Eagle take the Ring, but is
> ignored. That and O Sharp's existing parody of that section. :)
Where is his parody? On his site I suppose. Seeing as I'm in charge of
that chapter, I really think I'd like to take a peak at it, after I made
my general plot of the chapter.
Carl