E-text, Book 3, Chapter 8: The Road to Isengard

David Sulger

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Nov 11, 2000, 10:51:12 PM11/11/00

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Ok, here goes the next chapter of the e-text. A few points: I made
sure to reference the other chapters as well as Mr. Brady's list while
I was writing it. There's already enough inconsistancies in the plot;
I certainly didn't want to add some new ones.
Second, I tried not to make the chapter any longer than is truly
necessary, although it may be longer than the last two. I was writing
this one a plain text, while the other chapters I saved from Mr.
Sharp's pages as HTML files, so I can't really compare file sizes. I'm
pretty sure it isn't the longest though. :)
Third, I noticed the Mr. Sharp referred to this chapter as "The Road
to Eyesore". Since previous authors kept the name Isengard, I decided
to rename Orthanc to Eyesore (which gave me some ideas for fleshing out
the description of Isengard).
Finally, I decided to reveal what Aragon and Gandalf's _real_
intentions through all of this story are. Brace yourselves.

And now, let the e-text continue.

Chapter 8: The Road to Isengard

So it was that the two grossly obese men, Gandalf and HeyHoDen, met
again. The hicks of Rohan stared in wonder at the poles that now
dotted the field before the Hornburg, but their attention was broken by
Giggly, who strode out of the canyon behind the Hornburg, giggling
furiously. He was accompanied by the smiths and Gambler the Old.
"Forty-two, Miss Lego-lass!" he shouted triumpantly, as he walked to
her side.
"Hmm, " she mused, "I only managed to finish off fourty-one."
"Damn that Arwen," Giggly said. "She's got us _both_ beat."
"Yes," replied Lego-lass. "We're going to have to get her written
out of the movie, or she'll end up overshadowing us both. I'm supposed
to be the token elf-babe after all, not her!" she finished with a stamp
of her foot.
Meanwhile, everyone turned back to the poles. They squinted at
them, as if they were an illusion or something, but the poles
remained. Then they started to look at Gandalf suspiciously.
"Don't look at me like that," Gandalf said. "I had nothing to do
with the poles. It's better than what I had planned anyway, so stop
complaining."
"Then is this the work of Aruman?" HeyHoDen asked. "Did he put
these poles here to trap us so his orcs can get free run of my kingdom?"
"Nope," said Gandalf. "It's a power far older than Aruman himself:

The forest has its lamps so bright,
What could make that shining light?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" grumbled HeyHoDen.
"If you want to find out," said Gandalf, then you'll have to come
with me to Isengard."

However, the men of Rohan decided right there to have a celebration
barbecue, delaying their departure for the rest of the day. Gandalf
fumed for a while and chain-smoked several pouches of pipe-weed, but
then he took Aragon aside so they could discuss their plans. They
talked in Auld High Elvish, so that no one else would be able to
understand what they were saying (well, except for Arwen, but she
already knew the plan anyway.)
"Once we deal with Aruman, our plan for world domination will be
unstoppable," said Gandalf. "The elves are tired of Middle-earth, and
will let you do what ever you want. The dwerrows should be fairly easy
to exploit once you take over. Old Denethor(tm) is senile and crazy,
so he won't be a problem, and Dr. Faramir(tm) is loyal to us. We're
almost finished with Aruman, so he won't be a problem, either."
"Speaking of which," said Aragon, "where did those orcs _really_ come
from? I can't believe Aruman would attack Rohan and risk losing all
the money he's making off them."
"Oh, they're Aruman's alright," Gandalf replied. "They were busy
vandalizing Fungang, but I convinced them to attack Rohan on a dare
right after I took care of that Balrog. I even had a bunch of helmets
made up to implicate Aruman, but the stupid smith thought I
said "Saruman" and put S-runes on the helms instead of A."
"I was wondering about that myself," said Aragon.
"All that leaves is the Shire," continued Gandalf. "As long as he
has the Ring, Frodo could get in our way, but luckily for us, he
doesn't know how it really works. He was too busy trying to bag that
Took wench to learn its real powers. Once he destroys that damnable
Ring, he'll eliminate both it and Sauron for us. While he's busy doing
that, we'll liquidate what assets he has left. When we're done with
him, there won't be any place left in Middle-earth for him. The rest
of the Shire is ripe for a revolution, thanks to all that time I spent
there over years planting the seeds of revolt. Once they have
their "freedom", you'll be able to secretly control them through the
Brandybuck crime syndicate."

The men of Rohan had their barbecue, and lounged around for the rest
of the afternoon. Their Dunlending slaves didn't get any rest,
though. First they had to cook the food and serve it. Then they had
to clean up, and then take down the portable grills. Needless to say,
by the end of the afternoon, they had gotten pretty pissed.
Finally, HeyHoDen's curiosity about the poles overcame his laziness,
and he gathered his host to set out for Isengard. There had been
causalties in the battle, which left extra horses, and now no one had
to share horses except for Giggly and Lego-lass. They folowed Gandalf
through the poles.
"These poles are strange," said Lego-lass. "I'd like to find out
what they are."
"No way, said Giggly. "It feels like they hate us, and want to kill
us."
"Not all of us, silly," she said, "just the orcs. Maybe these poles
come from Fungang."
"Well, you're a tree-hugging elf, so I guess you think Fungang is
wonderful," said Giggly. "But I have seen something even better.
"Humans can be so stupid, Lego-lass. Here they have a natural
wonder, and what do they do with it? Caves, they say! Holes to
amplify that horrible music from their concerts. Lego-lass, do you
know that the cave's of Deem's Help are vastly amusing? I know many
dwerrows who would pay pure gold, just to see them and laugh."
"And I would pay double, just to be let out," she snorted, knowing
some of the stupid things Giggly would laugh at.
"Shows what you know," said Giggly. "I know I laugh a lot, but these
caves really are funny. The stalactites, and columns, and everything
else made me laugh. And it wasn't just me. Gambler was laughing his
ass off too. It was pretty dark when we were in there. I can only
imagine how funny it would be all lit up. Just think, cavern after
cavern of funny shapes, deep into the mountain."
"Maybe the Men of Rohan are smart to conceal them," said the
elf. "Just think what damage a single family of dwerrows with hammers
and chisels would do to them."
"Spoken like a true elf," said Giggly "You think that the dwerrows
have no economic sense whatsoever. But we can recognize a profit when
we see one, and exploit it. Hell, we need the revenue, thanks to the
elves and Gondor(tm) taking advantage of us for centuries. I could
make this into a tourist destination: the Giggling Caves of Aglarond, a
theme park to rival the Magic Kingdom of Gondor(tm)!"
"You move me, Gimli," said Lego-lass. "Never before have I heard a
dwerrow actually come up with a sound financial scheme. But where are
you going to get the money to run your little enterprise? Everyone
knows the dwerrows are broke. Let's make a deal -- if you visit
Fungang with me when all this is over, I'll lend you the money to start
up the business, and then we can share the profits."
"Well, I suppose if I have to visit that stupid forest I will," said
Gimli. "But only if you promise to help me with the caves."
"I promise, I promise," said Lego-lass quickly, crossing her fingers
behind her back. But then some thoughts came unbidden to her
mind. "Come to think of it, I won't even have to shell out any of my
own money to help him," she thought. "I can just get the money from
Daddy, and if his plan fails, I won't lose anything. But if he
succeeds, then I get my cut of the money. But I am definitely _not_
falling in love with him."

The company rode past the last poles, and headed toward the highway
which lead to Isengard. Lego-lass looked back, and then
exclaimed, "Look! The poles are lighting up!" Then she turned her
horse around, and galloped back toward the poles. "Ooh, the pretty
colors," she said. Giggly was busy having another lauging fit.
"Stop, Lego-lass Greenbutt!" shouted Gandalf.
"I'd listen to him if I were you," said a strange deep voice with a
metallic undertone. "Those poles are all charged up." It came from a
creature that looked like a walking pole with arms and a bright halogen
glare. He pointed to a large squat box that read in big letters:

High Voltage
Do Not Touch Ever
Especially in Thunderstorms

Then more of the same creatures strode out from the poles, with all
sorts of different colored lights, bright reds, soft greens, glaring
sodium yellows, and neon pinks. Some actually laughed at the elf,
while most of the others walked from pole to pole, checking them. Cries
of fear came from the smiths and farmers, and they tightly clutched
their pitchforks and pokers.
"Stop!" shouted Gandalf. "Put your weapons away. They aren't
enemies, and in fact aren't concerned with you at all."
"Well, what are they, Gandalf?" grumbled HeyHoDen, hoping that these
creatures did not like barbecue, for it seemed to him like they could
eat a great deal. "Can't you give us a straight answer for once intead
of all these stupid riddles?"
"Riddles?" asked Gandalf. "Has your brain become as soft as your
backside? Any five-year old could tell you what they are. You have
seen Ments, HeyHoDen, Ments of Fungang Forest, which you call the
Mentwood. Really, how the hell do you think it got that name in the
first place?"
Before HeyHoDen could answer, Gandalf rode off, and they had little
choice but to follow him. Finally they came to the Fords of Isen.
This was a wide plain with a hard black ground, where many Fords were
parked. There were all sorts of makes and models; Model-Ts, Mustangs,
even a few scruffy-looking Edsels. "We wasted enough time barbecuing
back at Deem's Help," grumbled Gandalf. "Everyone get in a Ford, and
we'll drive the rest of the way." HeyHoDen, Eonard, and Aragon traded
their horses for a Mustang, Arwen got in a Model-T, and the others got
in the remaining Fords. The farmer that had complained so much back at
Deem's Help had straggled behind though, and all that was left for him
was a beat-up old Pinto.

Once upon a time, the men of Atlantis built Isengard(tm) at the south
end of the Musty Mountains. However, as the centuries passed, it
generated no tourist income, and so Gondor(tm) sold the property (at
which time it lost its trademark). It passed from the hands of one
disreputable owner to another, until finally Aruman came to dwell
there. He had just recovered from his centuries-long bout of
alcoholism, and decided to make up for his seedy past by doing charity
work.
He had planned to found an orphanage and school for disadvantaged orc
boys. He tore up all the weeds that had choked the grounds for a
millenia or so, and planted grass and trees, forming what he hoped
would be a calming environment and thus lessen the homocidal tendancies
inborn in orcs. He failed. The older boys set up a nasty system of
hazing for the younger boys that actually made things worse.
Eventually, Aruman gave up his original plans, and decided to break
the boys' spirits by using them as child labor. The serene, almost
pastoral landscape of the Wizard's Vale gave way to dormitories and
factories. All that remained the same within the circle of Isengard
was the tower of Eyesore, the ugliest outcrop of rock in Middle-earth,
and the chief cause of Isengard's(tm) economic decline. There the men
of Atlantis carved a tower out of the rock, but no one wanted to be
caught living there. Aruman, during his days of recovery, thought the
humiliation would be good for him, after his centuries of dissolute
living. Later, he hoped the ugliness of his attempts at
industrialization would make the ugliness of Eyesore less noticeable.
Now Gandalf and the others drove up to the gates of Isengard. Once
there were lagre iron gates here, but they had been hurled to the
ground and crumpled like an aluminum can. There were large gaps in the
walls, as if something, or rather, a large number of somethings, had
melted their way through. Inside, Isengard was filled with bubbling,
boiling water. However, Eyesore stood untouched in the center, as ugly
as always. HeyHoDen and his company sat in the Fords, speechless.
They saw that Aruman's School for Boys was no more. "Damn," though
HeyHoDen, "so much for television." Then as he looked away, he noticed
two small figures sitting next to a large pile of dirty dishes on an
outcrop of melted rock, now cooled.
The company got out of their Fords, and walked up to the figures.
One was sleeping, and snoring quite loudly, the other was awake and
smoking, with a dangerous gleam in his eyes. "Welcome to Isengard," he
said. "I am Moribund, of a quite unimportant family. My companion,"
he paused here, firmly kicking the sleeping figure in the ribs with his
steel-toed boots, "is Paragraph Took, son of Palatine, of the house of
Took. Aruman is busy, so he can't be bothered to see you right now.
You'll have to make an appointment."
"Indeed," answered Gandalf. "Aruman must be getting really cheap if
he can't affort better doormen than two ill-mannered louts."
Morrie ignored Gandalf's insult, deciding to pay him back
later. "Aruman's not in charge anymore. Isengard's under new
management. Our orders came from Steelbeard."
Giggly couldn't help it any longer. He burst into laughter. After
about a minute or so, when he was finally able to talk, he said, "Wow,
Morrie, I never thought you could be such a joker!"
Before Morrie could retort, HeyHoDen and the others burst into
laughter. "I take it you know these, uh, men, Gandalf?" HeyHoDen
asked. "Since we've already seen Ments, I'm guessing these are the
fabled Halflings? Little is said about them in Rohan, just that they
dwell in a bunch of shacks, and nothing at all about them blowing smoke
out of their mouths."
Really?" said Morrie. "The weed-trade of Beltbuckleland and
Bongbottom in the Southfarthing is very profitable, and has been ever
since we, ah, acquired the rights to it from Tobold Hornblower. I'm
surprised that no one knows about it."
"That's because of Gondor(tm)," said Gandalf. "They banned weed
centuries ago, when they cleaned up Gondor(tm) to make it more family-
friendly."
Morrie's jaw began to drop, but then widened into a broad smile as he
realized the profit potential of what could be a huge new market in the
south. He drew a small pouch out of his pocket. "Here's a small
sample of weed, my lord," he said. "If you like it, I can get more for
you, but you'll have to pay for it."
"You do not know your danger, HeyHoDen," interrupted Gandalf. "The
Brandybucks lace their weed with a substance that makes it highly
addictive, which ensures that their customers always come back for
more. I should know, since I learned that the hard way," he said,
lighting up another pouch of pipe-weed. Morrie glared angrily at him,
but Gandalf ignored him and went on. "I don't have the time to see you
get hooked on a new bad habit right now. I must speak to Steelbeard.
When we're done here, you can talk to Morrie about weed if you want.
It's actually quite enjoyable, but first things first." Morrie decided
that he didn't need to kill Ganalf after all.
Then Gandalf, HeyHoDen, and the other Rohirrim rode into Isengard to
look for the elder Ment. Morrie turned to Pipsqueak and
whispered, "We're going to make a fortune."

--Dave

Send e-mail to ds50.geo at yahoo.com

Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.

Robert Brady

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Nov 12, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/12/00

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In rec.arts.books.tolkien David Sulger <or...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> "Oh, they're Aruman's alright," Gandalf replied. "They were busy
> vandalizing Fungang, but I convinced them to attack Rohan on a dare
> right after I took care of that Balrog. I even had a bunch of helmets
> made up to implicate Aruman, but the stupid smith thought I
> said "Saruman" and put S-runes on the helms instead of A."
> "I was wondering about that myself," said Aragon.

So was I. Nice to see that picked up on. :)

> "Humans can be so stupid, Lego-lass. Here they have a natural
> wonder, and what do they do with it? Caves, they say! Holes to
> amplify that horrible music from their concerts. Lego-lass, do you
> know that the cave's of Deem's Help are vastly amusing? I know many
> dwerrows who would pay pure gold, just to see them and laugh."

!?! Lol! :-)

I hope we never find out what was in them.

> backside? Any five-year old could tell you what they are. You have
> seen Ments, HeyHoDen, Ments of Fungang Forest, which you call the
> Mentwood. Really, how the hell do you think it got that name in the
> first place?"

Well put.

> Before HeyHoDen could answer, Gandalf rode off, and they had little
> choice but to follow him. Finally they came to the Fords of Isen.
> This was a wide plain with a hard black ground, where many Fords were
> parked. There were all sorts of makes and models; Model-Ts, Mustangs,
> even a few scruffy-looking Edsels.

Conflicts a bit with the "van" from last chapter, but what the hell, it made
me laugh. :)

> Morrie's jaw began to drop, but then widened into a broad smile as he
> realized the profit potential of what could be a huge new market in the
> south. He drew a small pouch out of his pocket. "Here's a small
> sample of weed, my lord," he said. "If you like it, I can get more for
> you, but you'll have to pay for it."

> Then Gandalf, HeyHoDen, and the other Rohirrim rode into Isengard to

> look for the elder Ment. Morrie turned to Pipsqueak and
> whispered, "We're going to make a fortune."

Aha! So know we know the real reason for their post-War trips to the south.

--
Robert Brady
rob...@suse.co.uk

David Sulger

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Nov 12, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/12/00

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In article <1n7lu8...@janus.arrow>,

Robert Brady <rwb...@zepler.org> wrote:
> In rec.arts.books.tolkien David Sulger <or...@my-deja.com> wrote:

> > "Oh, they're Aruman's alright," Gandalf replied. "They were busy
> > vandalizing Fungang, but I convinced them to attack Rohan on a dare
> > right after I took care of that Balrog. I even had a bunch of
> > helmets made up to implicate Aruman, but the stupid smith thought I
> > said "Saruman" and put S-runes on the helms instead of A."
> > "I was wondering about that myself," said Aragon.
>

> So was I. Nice to see that picked up on. :)
>

Yes. My idea here was that Aragon didn't know what was up with the
helmets, but he sort of just made things up as he went along to further
his own interests. I didn't want to put a lot of extra dialogue in
though.

> > "Humans can be so stupid, Lego-lass. Here they have a natural
> > wonder, and what do they do with it? Caves, they say! Holes to
> > amplify that horrible music from their concerts. Lego-lass, do you
> > know that the cave's of Deem's Help are vastly amusing? I know many
> > dwerrows who would pay pure gold, just to see them and laugh."
>

> !?! Lol! :-)
>
> I hope we never find out what was in them.

I have no idea. I can't imagine possibly what would be funny about
caves. That was section was written to set up my "Giggling Caves" idea.

> > backside? Any five-year old could tell you what they are. You have
> > seen Ments, HeyHoDen, Ments of Fungang Forest, which you call the
> > Mentwood. Really, how the hell do you think it got that name in the
> > first place?"
>

> Well put.
>
I wanted to portray HeyHoDen as being stupid, and Gandalf as a
patronizing know-it-all.

> > Before HeyHoDen could answer, Gandalf rode off, and they had
> > little choice but to follow him. Finally they came to the Fords of
> > Isen. This was a wide plain with a hard black ground, where many
> > Fords were parked. There were all sorts of makes and models;
> > Model-Ts, Mustangs, even a few scruffy-looking Edsels.
>

> Conflicts a bit with the "van" from last chapter, but what the hell,
> it made me laugh. :)
>

Well, remember that Arwen meets the party in I-12 by driving up in a
Model-T. So the conflict already exists. I-12 was where I got the
idea for this part, btw.

Öjevind Lång

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Nov 12, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/12/00

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David Sulger hath written:

[snip]

> "That's because of Gondor(tm)," said Gandalf. "They banned weed
>centuries ago, when they cleaned up Gondor(tm) to make it more family-
>friendly."
> Morrie's jaw began to drop, but then widened into a broad smile as he
>realized the profit potential of what could be a huge new market in the
>south. He drew a small pouch out of his pocket. "Here's a small
>sample of weed, my lord," he said. "If you like it, I can get more for
>you, but you'll have to pay for it."
> "You do not know your danger, HeyHoDen," interrupted Gandalf. "The
>Brandybucks lace their weed with a substance that makes it highly
>addictive, which ensures that their customers always come back for
>more. I should know, since I learned that the hard way," he said,
>lighting up another pouch of pipe-weed. Morrie glared angrily at him,
>but Gandalf ignored him and went on. "I don't have the time to see you
>get hooked on a new bad habit right now. I must speak to Steelbeard.
>When we're done here, you can talk to Morrie about weed if you want.
>It's actually quite enjoyable, but first things first." Morrie decided
>that he didn't need to kill Ganalf after all.
> Then Gandalf, HeyHoDen, and the other Rohirrim rode into Isengard to
>look for the elder Ment. Morrie turned to Pipsqueak and
>whispered, "We're going to make a fortune."

Oh, my! The whole crowd becomes more criminal by the minute. But does Aragon
really wish to rule a country of dopeheads?
Excrellent chapter. :-)

Öjevind

Menelvagor

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Nov 12, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/12/00

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<snip>

I haven't had time to read this yet, but it looks good ... I do have a
question: what the blazes happened to the Helm's Deep (or Help's Deem,
or whatever) chapter? I don't recall seeing any. Did we decide it was
just too boring and toss it out?:-]
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,
and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Tamer of Firestorm the
Dragon, Hopelessly Wacky Baritone, and Grand Flusher of the Sacred
Precincts of Tyope, Protector of the Traskéd Stuff,
R.E.A.L.L.Y.W.E.I.R.D.

Balrog sum; Balrogani nihil alienum a me puto.

O. Sharp

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Nov 12, 2000, 8:37:59 PM11/12/00

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Ooooooo! I like it! I like it! :)

A number of ideas I had about Aruman have gone by the wayside, I fear, due
to the way things have played out with the schoolboy-Orcs and the Ments
over the last handful of chapters... but I have a terrible confidence that
things will become even _weirder_ in the next chapter as a result, so I'm
not complaining. :)

But Gandalf may have other motives than those few he's plied Aragon
with...

Expect a few days' delay in the next chapter, and in my getting this one
onto the website, though. I'm in Florida for a couple of weeks, and so not
at the laptop very often. And no, I'm not counting ballots or anything.
:)

---------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@speakeasy.org So how are the Ments powered, anyway? Batteries?
Static electricity? Tesla wireless power? Really
long extension cords?...

cre...@my-deja.com

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Nov 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/13/00

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David Sulger <or...@my-deja.com> wrote:

> Ok, here goes the next chapter of the e-text.

And a most entertaining chapter it is. :) The truth is that I've grown
more and more disenchanted with the e-text because the characters have
grown so... well, unlikeable. And here you shamelessly made them *all*
opportunist villains. Well done!

>I made
> sure to reference the other chapters as well as Mr. Brady's list
while
> I was writing it. There's already enough inconsistancies in the
plot;
> I certainly didn't want to add some new ones.

A splendid effort and nice tie-ins; I would have thought it almost
impossible. I do admit to a little disappointment that there is no
reference to the secret bank accounts in Isengard (as per my chapter 10
of Book 1), but as I said, I think there have been so many changes that
it's just not feasible to keep a straight thread. Or even a crooked
one!

>
> It passed from the hands of one
> disreputable owner to another, until finally Aruman came to dwell
> there. He had just recovered from his centuries-long bout of
> alcoholism, and decided to make up for his seedy past by doing
charity
> work.

Why do I get the creepy feeling that Aruman is going to turn out to be
the *good* guy...?

> Morrie turned to Pipsqueak and
> whispered, "We're going to make a fortune."

What a tagline! :)

Creole

Karim Arain

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Nov 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/13/00

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Nov 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/13/00

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"O. Sharp" <o...@speakeasy.org> skrev i en meddelelse
news:XBHP5.9852$KJ2.2...@news2.giganews.com...

> o...@speakeasy.org So how are the Ments powered, anyway? Batteries?
> Static electricity? Tesla wireless power? Really
> long extension cords?...

Microwaves from powersats, except the gaslights. They are fuelled by
methane from the Dead Marshes.

Voron.

O. Sharp

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Nov 13, 2000, 11:34:40 PM11/13/00

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O. Sharp <o...@speakeasy.org> wrote, with the most remarkable stupidity:

: Expect a few days' delay in the next chapter, and in my getting this one

: onto the website, though. I'm in Florida for a couple of weeks, and so not

: at the laptop very often. [...]

Uhm... but, of course, this is utterly irrelevant, as I am not writing the
next chapter. PaulB is... and mine is a chapter later, so... uhm... just
forget I said anything, okay? :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@speakeasy.org It's all this damnable fresh orange juice and
sunshine. It's distracting, I tell you. :)

Juho P. Pahajoki

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Nov 14, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/14/00

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Se oli cre...@my-deja.com joka näin lausui, noin nimesi:
>The truth is that I've grown more and more disenchanted with the

>e-text because the characters have grown so... well, unlikeable. And
>here you shamelessly made them *all* opportunist villains. Well done!

I agree. I have hopes regarding Sam and his merry bunch of socialists
though, maybe they'll set up a workers' paradise and all those mean
people like Aragorn, Gandalf and Frodo (Giggly and Legolass too, those
greedy bastards!) end up against the wall. A happy ending with no
sailing, sailing, sailing away.

But a nice person here or there wouldn't hurt the story (*hint* *hint*.)

--
-+ Juho Pahajoki - an 18-year-old nerd from Jyväskylä, Finland
|- World Wide Web: http://juho.pahajoki.org/
|- Electronic Mail: ju...@pahajoki.org
Hi! I am the .signature virus. Please copy me into your own .sig and join in!

Nov 14, 2000, 8:12:54 PM11/14/00

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In article <slrn9105a...@kullervo.kalevala.local>,

ju...@pahajoki.org (Juho P. Pahajoki) wrote:

> I agree. I have hopes regarding Sam and his merry bunch of socialists
> though, maybe they'll set up a workers' paradise and all those mean
> people like Aragorn, Gandalf and Frodo (Giggly and Legolass too, those
> greedy bastards!) end up against the wall. A happy ending with no
> sailing, sailing, sailing away.
>

I like it! Maybe they'll bring in universal health care, full
employment, the living wage, and all that other good stuff.

> But a nice person here or there wouldn't hurt the story (*hint*
*hint*.)

I like to think of Sauron as the goodguy ... (even if he's a leetle too
promiscuous; he's going to have to repent a bit, methinks).

This chapter was pretty funny; my favorite part is the Fords of Isen.
That, and Aragon and Gandalf's potting. I really want to see them get
theirs.

Even though it says in the guidelines (or whatever they're called) that
we shouldn't change the plot too much, does that really apply to the
ending? Because I think the prupose of not changing too much is to
make it easier for people writing later chapters, and at the end there
won't be any later chapters.

By the way, what happened to the affidavit from Saruman? I think it
was mentioned in The Ring Goes South. There should surely be some
reference to it in the next few chapters, no?

> --
> -+ Juho Pahajoki - an 18-year-old nerd from Jyväskylä, Finland
> |- World Wide Web: http://juho.pahajoki.org/
> |- Electronic Mail: ju...@pahajoki.org
> Hi! I am the .signature virus. Please copy me into your own .sig
and join in!
>

--

Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,
and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Tamer of Firestorm the
Dragon, Hopelessly Wacky Baritone, and Grand Flusher of the Sacred
Precincts of Tyope, Protector of the Traskéd Stuff,
R.E.A.L.L.Y.W.E.I.R.D.

Balrog sum; Balrogani nihil alienum a me puto.

unread,

Nov 15, 2000, 8:10:32 PM11/15/00

to

In article <slrn914ng7...@voimax.cygnnet.jkl.fi>,
pa...@voimax.cygnnet.jkl.fi (Juho Pahajoki) wrote:

<s>

> >I like to think of Sauron as the goodguy ... (even if he's a leetle
too
> >promiscuous; he's going to have to repent a bit, methinks).
>

> Come to think of it, he is, isn't he? Certainly that is the way he
comes of
> from his personal diaries anyway. Wondeful it is, to peep into his
life
> every now and then.

<s>

Yes, it's interesting to get a different perspective, especially since
the lackey of the ruling classes, JRRT, has falsified history with his
scurrilous lies.

Menelvagor

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Nov 15, 2000, 8:17:01 PM11/15/00

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In article <8uuv1c$sg0$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,

David Sulger <or...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> In article <8usnuh$2ut$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
> Menelvagor <gol...@my-deja.com> wrote:
>
> >

> > This chapter was pretty funny; my favorite part is the Fords of
Isen.
> > That, and Aragon and Gandalf's potting. I really want to see them
get
> > theirs.
> >

> Well, I'm not sure about Aragon. The Prologue section I wrote has a
> reference to King Elessar I(tm), so it's probably fairly safe to say
> that Aragon does indeed become the King of Gondor(tm)(unless someone
> really messes with the story). :)

Well, here are a couple of thoughts: 1.he becomes king but is
overthrown; 2.Elessar is really Sam, not Aragon; 3.Aragon sees the
error of his ways and turns good.

Interesting how you dealt with the apparent contradiction by having
Saruman be a reformed debauchee who was backsldiing.

unread,

Nov 16, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/16/00

to

In article <b1GQ5.408$e67....@news.get2net.dk>,
"Raven" <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote:

<snamp>

> Like O.
> Sharp did with Sam, who now seems more or less in control of Frodo.
> This may throw Gandalf's and Aragon's scheme for busting Frodo off
> track, if Sam is strong enough to prevent them from harming his pet
cash
> cow ---

Speaking of Sam, what exactly was it that he took from Lórien? And
while I'm at it, any clues as to what that suit of armour (or whatever
it was) is (in the Fungnag chapter)?

--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,

and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, and all that struff ...

Balrog sum; Balrogani nihil alienum a me puto.

Robert Brady

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Nov 16, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/16/00

to

In rec.arts.books.tolkien "Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
> Hey, neat iea! By the way, since Faramir is not an heir to the throne of

> Gondor(tm) there is no (tm) after his name.

But remember that Boromir(tm) is missing, presumed soggy...

--
Robert

Raven

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Nov 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM11/17/00

to

"Menelvagor" <gol...@my-deja.com> skrev i en meddelelse
news:8v1iqt$1tv$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...

> Speaking of Sam, what exactly was it that he took from Lórien? And
> while I'm at it, any clues as to what that suit of armour (or whatever
> it was) is (in the Fungnag chapter)?

Yes, I'm waiting to find out why I put that armour there too.

Raaf.

Menelvagor

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Nov 17, 2000, 9:41:44 PM11/17/00

to

In article <d4s1v8...@janus.arrow>,

<s>

There's a strong hint that he's still alive in the final chapter in
Book II.

--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,

and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Tamer of Firestorm the
Dragon, Hopelessly Wacky Baritone, and Grand Flusher of the Sacred
Precincts of Tyope, Protector of the Traskéd Stuff,
R.E.A.L.L.Y.W.E.I.R.D.

Balrog sum; Balrogani nihil alienum a me puto.

Robert Brady

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Nov 23, 2000, 8:18:54 PM11/23/00

to

In rec.arts.books.tolkien David Sulger <or...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> And now, let the e-text continue.

Is the prospective author^Wtranscriber of Chapter 9 awake?

--
Robert