E-text, Book II, chapter 6
Dany Belinfante
abide by the storyline as it stood where I picked it up, purely because it
took so much rereading, and it's quite likely I've introduced some
anomalies. They are completely inadvertent. However, even JRR himself was
guilty of this, so at least I'm in good company.
It also turned out a lot longer than I had planned, but even in such a short
chapter there are so many instances that can be made fun of, and you just
have to check yourself. I lurk so little at the moment that I had no idea
how long the average contributor took to submit his/her part, and I'd be
damned if I was going to ask Steuard any more stupid questions, so I decided
to hurry up and get it over with.
I hope you all find at at least amusing, I at least had great fun writing it
and I'm submitting again for another part. If any or all of you would rather
not have me write another part, say so and I'll only be slightly hurt. But
any response is very welcome.
Dany
========================================================
Book II, chapter 6 - Lothlorien
"I fear we can stay here no longer", said Aragon. Looking at the mountains,
raising high his sword he cried: "Farewell Gandalf! Why did I
not warn you If you pass through Moira, beware!" This produced a suppressed
snickering and a "yeah right", but silence returned among the partly grief
stricken group when Aragon shot an angry glance in the general direction of
the hobbits. He decided no to vent any more anger and grief at this point as
they were clearly not shared by all.
The company got up and looked around them. The scenery was as dreary as
could be expected of a ski resort in high season, but still Aragon felt the
need
to point out some landmarks. "Over there are the Rimdilstairs. Next to those
waterfalls is where we should have come down, had fate been kinder to us".
"Or bureacracy and corruption less rampant", added Giggly. "Curse those
greedy bastards, waylaying innocent travelers with outrageous visa
demands!", and he actually looked quite endearing, shaking his cute little
fist, still red
from orc blood.
"Well, enough enjoying the scenery. As I am senior, I will lead you now and
the next stop is Lorien". Aragon was still annoyed that some in the company
suspected him of being less than totally sincere in his grieving for
Gandalf, and now wanted to drive the ungrateful scum into the ground by
forced march.
"Wait up hoss", said Boromir(tm). "Who died and made you boss?". For a
second he looked more like a sheep than a 37th generation sheep, coming from
good sheep stock, bred in good sheep country and genetically engineered to
look and feel even more like sheep than your average sheep. He quickly
overcame his embarrasment and said "Well ok, Gandalf died, but did he make
you boss?". "Actually he did", smirked Aragon, "In closed chambers I was
named SiC, in case anything happened to him, like *SABOTAGE* (malicious look
at the hobbits) or a *5TH COLUMN* (more looks-that-could-kill)".
"Oh yeah?! Just 'cause you say so doesn't make it so. Got any proof?"
Boromir(tm) wasn't about to give up now, his foot was so far in his mouth,
it couldn't possibly get any worse.
Aragon produced a very official looking document, and the reason it looked
so official was that it was indeed official. It stated that should Gandalf
fall in any
cracks anywhere, Aragon, son of Arathon, the guy with the broken-reforged
sword, was to lead the company in his stead. It carried the internationally
recognised Veriseal, so it must be ok then.
They followed Aragon down the mountain, some more willing than others.
Boromir(tm) was clearly not happy, muttering something about "sly motherf..
always an answer to everything", but the rest of the company ignored him.
As they left the East gate of Moira behind them they started encountering
ruins
of sorts, and Giggly overcame some of his grief as he thought he recognised
the
surroundings.
"That must be Durins Stone", he exclaimed, "I can't pass it without looking
at the wonder of the valley".
"Be quick about it then" said Aragon, thoroughly enjoying his new role, and
starting to wish Gandalf had departed quite a bit sooner. "We'll be safe
once we're in Lothlorien, and Wednesday is meatloafday. We don't want to
miss _that_" He didn't add that the last thing he wanted was to get his
mother-in-law's mother angry by being late, and she was known for her
temper.
Giggly jogged towards the stone pillar, and called for Frodo to follow him.
Frodo's upper body was aching from the impact of the orc's stick, but he was
strangely attracted to the silent blue water, and the scent that hung over
the place.
Together they stood still, for a moment in grave silence, in awe of the
moment, and of the history of the place.
"This pillar marks the spot where the Dwarves first erected a McDonalds
concession. Cholesterol levels have never been the same, but you just can't
beat that Quarter Pounder cheese, now can you?" Giggly was clearly overcome
with emotion, but Frodo just wished that more of the once proud restaurant
remained than the lingering smell of hamburgers and fries.
"Oh Ronald McDonald, succulent and juicy", said Giggly. "There it lies, the
Big Mac, until the Power comes back on", and with a bow he left.
"What did you see?", Pipsqueak asked Frodo on his return, but Frodo couldn't
bring himself to torment his companion with descriptions of menus and
smells, and remained silent.
Aragon now led the company south, over a steep path down. "_I_ will lead you
on the road that Gandalf chose", unnecessarily emphasizing himself but
wanting to shut Boromir(tm) and any other would-be contenders up for good.
"First I hope to get to the woods where the Silverlode flows into the Great
River" he pointed, " - Over There". He immediately realized this didn't
sound very authorative but it was too late.
"Hope?". "Hope? Do you actually have any idea where we're headed?" asked
Boromir(tm) smugly.
"Wh- when I said 'Hope', I- I- I- meant to- to arrive safely" stammered
Aragon, experiencing a sinking feeling not felt since a certain luxury
cuiseship thought unsinkable proved not to be. But once again an elf maid
came to his rescue, although this time it was Lego-lass.
"There lie the plains of Lothlorien, fairest of all dwellings of my people.
There are no trees in that country, at least there didn't used to be, they
were all cut down, for the leaves of the trees were made into a currency and
subsequently its entire population became millionaires overnight. But they
spent the money well and now they run some of the finest, most exquisite
golf courses in Middle Earth. Teeing off is said to induce a state of
euphoria, and putting in Lorien is praised above all else in the songs we
sing in Mirkwood. My heart would be glad to behold a golf bat in Spring, in
Lorien."
"It's a club, and I'll be glad even if it were winter. But it's still quite
some distance," (again cursing himself for his indecisiveness)", and we have
to hurry."
"Do you have to be a member-" Arwen tried to ask, but she was interrupted.
"I have to rest", Frodo cried. The jog with Giggly and the gnawing hungry
feeling the hamburgerjoint had awoken had compounded the pain in his side
from the orc stick, and suddenly his strength was gone. Aragon silently
cursed him for spoiling his planned forced march, but he feinged compassion
and ran to Frodo. "I am so sorry, Frodo, in all the confusion I forgot about
your ordeal, and, well, you seemed allright what with how you rocketed up
the mountain after Giggly like a decathlon champion on benzedrine. Please
forgive my insensitivity. Come! A little further up is a place where we can
rest, and I shall tend to your injuries. Boromir(tm), carry him." Feeling
very pleased
with himself for that last command, he turned and led them to a small
clearing. A fire was made, and Aragon examined Frodo. Frodo dreaded taking
his clothes off. The memory of being taunted mercilessly was enough to make
him shudder, but even more he feared that all would discover his theft of
Bilbo's unique and priceless Mithril mail coat. "I'm allright" he writhed,
"All I need is a McChicken and a Coke". His squirming came as much from the
pain as from the image of being exposed as the thieving little sh*t that he
now thought himself to be.
"No" said Aragon. "I'm surprised at all that you're still alive after nearly
being impaled with that orc twig, and I'd be negligent in my duties as a
responsible _leader_ if I didn't do all that I can to relieve your pain."
That sounded quite sincere, if a little contrived.
He carefully removed Frodo's jacket, and started laughing uncontrollably.
"No wonder it hurts! Giggly, look at what the little hobbit princeling is
wearing!" Aragon could no longer control his limbs and fell on his knees
with laughter. When Giggly approached and saw what made Aragon suffer fits,
he also burst out laughing. "What is _THAT_?! What _are_ you wearing??"
Frodo looked at the coat, and saw that it was all rusted, and where the
stick had impacted it had broken, the rings being driven into his flesh and
the wound already disinfecting.
"Wait wait, don't tell me, it's the coat Thorin gave Bilbo when he
supposedly forgave him on his deathbed. I knew Bilbo was thick, but who's
ever heard of a forgiving dwarf, and then one who's been robbed of what he
holds dearest in all the world? Come ON! That thing is cursed worse than
Tinwelint's treasure! Let alone that it's made of tin..."
"I expected better from you than to accept that as a gift from Bilbo, Frodo.
All in Rivendell knew that it was an evil thing Thorin gave to Bilbo." But
Frodo was just relieved that everyone in the company assumed Bilbo had given
the damn thing to him. He felt better already, and his spirit rose even more
when Aragon, feeling magnanimous, decided to allow the company a dose of
Vala dust. He could do no wrong after that.
After coming down from their trip, the company ran out of excuses to avoid
the forced march Aragon had set his mind on, and so they progressed, at
neckbreaking speed through the dark. The country passed them by, until a
golden flickering seemed to envelop them. They came to a halt, and noticed
that a high dense forest was before them. In the pale light of the stars
they saw that it was the leaves that shone the pale light.
At the edge of the treeline a sign lay on its side, and Aragon stooped and
picked it up.
"Lothlorien. Population 23.726 and waning. Galadriel and Dullborn
presiding."
Mystery was written on the faces of Aragon, Lego-lass and Arwen. The hobbits
were as usual out of it, Boromir(tm) smelled another chance to confront
Aragon with his (alledged) inadequacies and only Giggly remained relaxed,
with a patient, almost serene expression on his face. Vala dust can do that
to a dwarf.
"It can't be" said Lego-lass."There haven't been any trees for as long as
my
people can rememer, in fact since the battle in which the last Balrog
squadron, led by the Red Balrog with triple wing configuration, was
defeated. And where are the fabled golf courses?"
"Don't start that again! I don't know where your precious golf courses are,
but I have a feeling we're about to find out," said Aragon. He paused,
then added for effect "But it's quiet here, too -,"
"Oh come off it, it's quiet because _THERE'S NO ONE HERE!_ Now let's get
packing, I for one want to see this witch!". Boromir's(tm) rude interruption
made Aragon spasm with anger, and it was all he could do to control himself
and not run Anduril through that upstart Steward's heir. That reminded him,
he could just fire the moron, and his father while he was at it...
His musings were interrupted by Lego-lass, who with typical Elven delicacy
was blundering into the forest, making a raucous like a herd of oliphaunts.
The
company had no choice but to follow, and so they did. After a short while
they came upon a fastflowing river, and Lego-lass recognized it as Nimrodel,
exclaiming "Any elf would recognize the voice of this water, we made many
songs about it and the golden flowers that floateed in her foaming current."
"Or maybe she knew by the sign here, saying 'Nimrodel'. She's such a bimbo."
Arwen was clearly getting annoyed at Lego-lass, for reasons as yet unclear
to the company.
"Follow me guys," said Lego-lass, "The water soothes aching feet and it's
not very deep!" She climbed off the steep bank and disappeared immediately
in the swirling cauldron. It took the combined efforts of Boromir(tm) (who
acted before Aragon had a chance to order him), Giggly and Arwen to pull her
from the freezing water. "Per - Haps -We - Should -Try -At -An -Oth - Er -
Cros- Sing," she gulped. Aragon felt his control of the company slipping,
and while cohesion had never been a strong point, now it seemed as if the
group was falling apart. Well, tough.
Lego-lass regained her composure rapidly, in spite of the incessant back
beating by Arwen, who was pretending to help Lego-lass get rid of the water
in her lungs. "Do you hear the voice of - Arwen will you stop that?! - The
voice of Nim - Leave me alone will ya?! I can hear the voice of the river,
it reminds me of a song my people sing. I will try to translate it into
Westron."
In a soft voice the elf began:
There once was an old elven-maid
With nothing to do all day
Spent time and money on trendy clothes
Just had to have her way
Her hair was white, her limbs were gone
And she was fairly free;
And in the wind her ribcage whistled
Like chimes in a linden-tree
Where now she wanders none can tell
In Bondstreet or Times Square
Her creditcards were all revoked
Her bankaccounts laid bare
A wind by night in Projects-South
Arose, and bad it stunk
Drove shopping trolley thru the street
And she lost all her spunk
Amroth beheld his bankuptcy
And cursed the faithless b*tch
His debt now stacked too high to see
His credit blown to bits
From window high they saw him leap
a sack of flour from a barn
plunge to the streets below, so deep
Ending this sad sad yarn
"I apologise if the translation is less than perfect, but I'm sure you all
get the drift of the story. It's very sad, for it tells how greed came to
Lorien, when the dwarves wakened bureaucracy and corruption in the
mountains."
"But the dwarves did not make the bureaucracy and corruption," said Giggly.
"Don't get so defensive shorty, I never said they did."
Aragon decided this was _the_ moment to reestablish his leadership and
rounded them all up. He led them deeper into the forest, until it became to
dark to see, and it was decided to make camp. Following Lego-lass' advice
they were about to climb the trees, which seemed the safest place to sleep,
when a commanding voice sounded from the trees. Unexpectedly, they had found
elves of Lorien, and they felt safer. As Aragon had a bad case of vertigo,
he had no choice but to deputize Lego-lass to talk to them. She disappeared
up a tree and came back down after half an hour or so.
"It seems Halfwit, Rummage and Orphan knew we were coming, and anyway, they
heard me nearly drown and then cough my lungs out back at the river, so they
let us pass. They'll escort us to Galadriel and Dullborn, but because elves
hate dwarves - as my dad showed your dad, Giggles - and the Lorien folk have
not yet been infected with the Political Correctnes virus, Giggly willl have
to be gagged, blindfolded and tied to a pole, after receiving the mandatory
flogging of course... No, I'm kidding, but a blindfold will be necessary."
The dwarf made no objections, and aside from some torn ligaments and a
broken nose there followed an uneventful leisurely walk until Halfwit froze,
and the entire company felt the tension.
"Yrch!" said the elf in a hissing whisper, staring into the darkness, and
they heard him sniffing as well.
"What is it, not orcs I hope?," whispered Aragon to Lego-lass. "No, he just
stepped in some dog doodie, probably from one of Galadriel's, they tell me
she lets those mutts run around free all the time, and this is what you
get."
The company tried to walk more carefully after that, but it was no use,
sooner or later they all stepped in it, except Giggly, who somehow managed
to use the elf leading him as guide to where not to tread.
For that night and the next day they walked, and apart from the occasional
rest, which invariably involved a small picnic (these elves were not used to
bingeing Hobbits, and had yet to learn to say No) it was all pretty boring,
so a routine evolved whereby one member would talk to Giggly, and another
(Morrie volunteered for this more than the others) would curl up into a
rock-like position, placing himself in Giggly's path. The dwarf's guide was
happy to cooperate, and they laughed themselves silly as the poor Dwarf
tripped and fell time after time, being warned just a little too late every
time. It made time pass by more quickly for all involved.
In the afternoon more elves joined the company, and Giggly's blindfold was
removed. "Galadriel has personally ordered this. You are the first dwarf to
behold the Course of the Naith of Lorien since Durin's day!"
Before them stretched what must have been the only remaining golf course in
the entire elven realm, but what a beauty it was. It's grass was just
greener, its sand was just - well you know, it was an elven version of a
perfect golfcourse.
"Behold! You are come to Cerin Amroth," said Halfwit. "For this is the heart
of the acient realm as it was long ago, and here is the mound of Amroth,
where they buried what they managed to scrape off the pavement after his
unfortunate fall."
The other cast themselves down upon the grass, but Frodo had never played
golf, had never even seen a golf cart, and badly wanted to drive one. He
thought he had managed to sneak away unseen and sat down behind the wheel of
beautifully cream colored cart, when Aragon sat down next to him. He felt
caught, but Aragon put him at ease.
"This is the best golf course on earth," he said, and added with what can
only be described as a malicious smirk, "and here I scored a hole-in-one for
the first time in my life, and this was before I ever learned to play
golf...You have not scored yet, but your luck may change." And feeling
magnanimous once more, he took Frodo's hand and showed him the way to
Arwen's cousin's dwellings, and came there as healthy men do.
Mithrigil
Oh dear god. Someone is having too much fun!
Honestly, great chapter. I was wondering, though, wasn't there a reference to
Arwen *still* being a virgin before this? Or was it not *Arwen* that Aragon was
talking about?
Hmm. Maybe this is useable....
-*Mithrigil*
Kent
Mithrigil wrote:
>
> >Book II, chapter 6 - Lothlorien
> [snippity dooh-dah]
>
> Oh dear god. Someone is having too much fun!
>
> Honestly, great chapter.
Wholehearted agreement! I loved Aragon as insecure dictator!! And
Lego-lass falling in the river-hillarious!
Keep it up
:)
Kent
Aris Katsaris
Dany Belinfante <danybelinf...@zonnet.nl> wrote in message
news:8JS35.6504$vJ6.205590@zonnet-reader-1...
[snip]
Hilarious! Bravo! Bravo! Among the chapters of Book II this is by far my
favourite! You have to volunteer for more, please!
I loved the alternate Nimrodel tale, as well as the things that Giggly would
have to go through (had Lego-lass been telling the truth :-)...
A small continuity error: It's not Tinwelint - but Thinowilld (If I remember
correctly). I suppose that O.Sharp will correct it in his posted version..
Once again, it was great!
Aris Katsaris
Aris Katsaris
Mithrigil <erk...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000620231923...@ng-fz1.aol.com...
> >Book II, chapter 6 - Lothlorien
>
> Oh dear god. Someone is having too much fun!
>
to
> Arwen *still* being a virgin before this? Or was it not *Arwen* that
Aragon was
> talking about?
I don't think so. I believe it was said that "officially" noone knew where
Arwen was. Unofficially everyone knew she was with Aragon...
Aris Katsaris
Dany Belinfante
Aris Katsaris <kats...@otenet.gr> schreef in berichtnieuws
8ipvs6$s0n$1...@newssrv.otenet.gr...
Thank you Aris, it's very nice to receive compliments like yours, and I will
try for another chapter.
But who the _heck_ is Thinowilld???
Dany
Robert Brady
>But who the _heck_ is Thinowilld???
Thingol. See <http://www.zepler.org/~rwb197/names.html> for a
mostly-accurate table of names. (i'll get the names from this
chapter up there soon).
--
Robert
Öjevind Lång
[snip excellent chapter]
Bravo! I enjoyed it very much indeed. Especially the song, the golf
references and the practical jokes played on poor Giggly.
Öjevind
Aris Katsaris
Robert Brady <rwb...@ecs.soton.ac.uk> wrote in message
news:3951...@news.ecs.soton.ac.uk...
Btw I kinda feel that some of those names are mistaken. - It was
decided (by the writer of that chapter himself) that Jordan
*doesn't* represent Anduin. And I wouldn't say that slipcast
replaces "Silmaril" - after all, as you write, the Silmarils are
mentioned later. "slipcast" replaced "silmaril" only in the
Bluto and Lustianne tale...
But great job on the whole. :-)
Aris Katsaris
Jim
Dany Belinfante wrote in message <8JS35.6504$vJ6.205590@zonnet-reader-1>...
>I hope you all find at at least amusing, I at least had great fun writing
it
>and I'm submitting again for another part. If any or all of you would
rather
>not have me write another part, say so and I'll only be slightly hurt. But
>any response is very welcome.
I started laughing at
>"Farewell Gandalf! Why did I not warn you If you pass through Moira,
beware!"
And didnt really stop chuckling all the way thru.
> Aragon could no longer control his limbs and fell on his knees
>with laughter. When Giggly approached and saw what made Aragon suffer fits,
>he also burst out laughing. "What is _THAT_?! What _are_ you wearing??"
>Frodo looked at the coat, and saw that it was all rusted, and where the
>stick had impacted it had broken, the rings being driven into his flesh and
>the wound already disinfecting.
I loved that touch :)
>There once was an old elven-maid
<snip rhyme>
>Ending this sad sad yarn
Nice.
>"I apologise if the translation is less than perfect, but I'm sure you all
>get the drift of the story. It's very sad, for it tells how greed came to
>Lorien, when the dwarves wakened bureaucracy and corruption in the
>mountains."
>"But the dwarves did not make the bureaucracy and corruption," said Giggly.
>"Don't get so defensive shorty, I never said they did."
lol
>It's grass was just
>greener, its sand was just - well you know, it was an elven version of a
>perfect golfcourse.
sweet
>"This is the best golf course on earth," he said, and added with what can
>only be described as a malicious smirk, "and here I scored a hole-in-one
for
>the first time in my life, and this was before I ever learned to play
>golf...You have not scored yet, but your luck may change." And feeling
>magnanimous once more, he took Frodo's hand and showed him the way to
>Arwen's cousin's dwellings, and came there as healthy men do.
Hehe.
Great work.
Jim D
Prembone
excellent replication of the Balrog wings flame wars). I
especially liked the rusty mail coat bit.
> And feeling magnanimous once more, he took Frodo's hand and
> showed him the way to Arwen's cousin's dwellings, and came
> there as healthy men do.
While poor Frodo watched, envious...?
Prembone
--
God was my co-pilot, but our plane crashed in the mountains
and I had to eat him.
Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com.
Up to 100 minutes free!
http://www.keen.com
Steuard Jensen
> Good chapter (as were the previous ones, especially Steu's
> excellent replication of the Balrog wings flame wars).
In fact, that was Kent, not me. Unless there was some other bit in
_my_ chapter that reminded you of them... :) Anyway, I've enjoyed
every chapter of the etext thus far, and it's always fun to see what
surprises each person comes up with.
Steuard Jensen
Duncan Lundquist
Prembone <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote:
> Good chapter (as were the previous ones, especially Steu's
> especially liked the rusty mail coat bit.
>
> > showed him the way to Arwen's cousin's dwellings, and came
> > there as healthy men do.
>
Are you gay? Is that why you want to be Sam?
D. Lundquist
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Prembone
>In article <117f72c5...@usw-ex0103-024.remarq.com>,
> Prembone <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote:
>> Good chapter (as were the previous ones, especially Steu's
>> excellent replication of the Balrog wings flame wars). I
>> especially liked the rusty mail coat bit.
>>
>> > showed him the way to Arwen's cousin's dwellings, and came
>> > there as healthy men do.
>>
>
>Are you gay? Is that why you want to be Sam?
HUHHHHHH???? I'm sure there's logic in there somewhere, but I'll
be goddamned if I can find it.
Prembone
..wondering how suggesting Frodo was envious of Aragorn "coming
as healthy men do" makes me gay and desirous of being Sam, who as
far as I know didn't even put in an appearance in the
above-referenced scene.
Prembone
>Quoth Prembone <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid>:
>> Good chapter (as were the previous ones, especially Steu's
>> excellent replication of the Balrog wings flame wars).
>
Whoops, I did it again. I also attributed a story bit to the
wrong author back when we were still writing Book One. Oh, well,
it's the thought that counts. There *was* something I recall
liking about your chapter, and I *do* recall chuckling over the
Balrog wings thing; I just got the wires crossed, so to speak.
Happens.
>it's always fun to see what surprises each person comes up with.
You got that right. ;-)
Prembone
the softrat
<prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote:
>Duncan Lundquist <mothe...@my-deja.com> wrote:
>>In article <117f72c5...@usw-ex0103-024.remarq.com>,
>> Prembone <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote:
>>> Good chapter (as were the previous ones, especially Steu's
>>> excellent replication of the Balrog wings flame wars). I
>>> especially liked the rusty mail coat bit.
>>>
>>> > And feeling magnanimous once more, he took Frodo's hand and
>>> > showed him the way to Arwen's cousin's dwellings, and came
>>> > there as healthy men do.
>>>
>>> While poor Frodo watched, envious...?
>>
>>Are you gay? Is that why you want to be Sam?
>
>HUHHHHHH???? I'm sure there's logic in there somewhere, but I'll
>be goddamned if I can find it.
>
Well, you're always talking about gay men, so I figured that you were
envious of gay men and wanted to be a gay man. When is your sex change
operation?
Are you really a gay woman and all the other stuff is just a cover?
the softrat
mailto:sof...@pobox.com
--
Smith & Wesson - The original point and click interface...
PaulB
<mothe...@my-deja.com> writes:
>Are you gay? Is that why you want to be Sam?
>
>D. Lundquist
IIRC, our dear Prembone is female, making her at least lesbian and not
gay. This would probably put an end to any gay phantasies with her as Sam.
Although I do not know if the lesbian part is true or not, I don't really
care. To enjoy the thought of others pursuing their own lifestyle is not to
endorse or not to endorse that lifestyle. It only shows that one is capable of
enjoying life as a far greater whole than a persons own experiences and
preferences might limit that person to.
Breathe
Peace
PaulB
"[The Elves] position, ..., was one of exiles driven forward (against their
will) who were in mind or actual posture ever looking backward." JRRT
"History is an angel being blown backward into the future" — Laurie Anderson
Kent
PaulB wrote:
> IIRC, our dear Prembone is female, making her at least lesbian and not
> gay. This would probably put an end to any gay phantasies with her as Sam.
Hmmm...interesting thought. Perhaps our dear, tildish Prembone wants to
be Sam because of Rosie and not Frodo after all ;)
Kent
<ducks and runs>
Aris Katsaris
the softrat <sof...@pobox.com> wrote in message
news:8gr5lso7e6ju1sdi1...@4ax.com...
> On Thu, 22 Jun 2000 17:06:23 -0700, Prembone
> <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote:
>
> >Duncan Lundquist <mothe...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> >>In article <117f72c5...@usw-ex0103-024.remarq.com>,
> >> Prembone <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote:
> >>> Good chapter (as were the previous ones, especially Steu's
> >>> excellent replication of the Balrog wings flame wars). I
> >>> especially liked the rusty mail coat bit.
> >>>
> >>> > showed him the way to Arwen's cousin's dwellings, and came
> >>> > there as healthy men do.
> >>>
> >>
> >
> >be goddamned if I can find it.
> >
> Well, you're always talking about gay men, so I figured that you were
> envious of gay men and wanted to be a gay man. When is your sex change
> operation?
LOL! Given the number of straight men who seem to have a thing about
two women together, there's a bit of problem with your reasoning here...
Aris Katsaris
China Blue Bird of Happiness
/ > gay. This would probably put an end to any gay phantasies with her as Sam.
/
/ Hmmm...interesting thought. Perhaps our dear, tildish Prembone wants to
/ be Sam because of Rosie and not Frodo after all ;)
A gay man trapped in a woman's body.
--
CACS: Collective Against Consensual Sanity v0.123
Now a text site map! http://www.angelfire.com/ca3/cacs/
pretty? http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Studios/5079/
:)-free zone. Cthulu in '00: .../cacs/politics.html
Dany Belinfante
genius of my writings...
Seriously, this is the first time I submitted something to an audience that
I consider to be demanding, knowledgeable and of good taste (the
non-Scandinavian and non-French speaking crowds anyway) and I also know most
of you won't hesitate to write something negative if you felt it was
warranted. You people simply lack all form of good manners.
But as I said before, _I_ had great fun writing it, and will humbly request
Steuard for another chapter.
I felt a bit anxious before, but you lot took care of that. Thanks.
Dany
PS: I _AM_ a bit disappointed that no one noticed (or commented on it
anyway) the plagiarism of the leaves->currency conversion. I loved that from
Douglas Adams!
Dany
Prembone <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> schreef in berichtnieuws
107a05e0...@usw-ex0103-024.remarq.com...
> Duncan Lundquist <mothe...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> >In article <117f72c5...@usw-ex0103-024.remarq.com>,
> > Prembone <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote:
> >> Good chapter (as were the previous ones, especially Steu's
> >> excellent replication of the Balrog wings flame wars). I
> >> especially liked the rusty mail coat bit.
> >>
> >> > And feeling magnanimous once more, he took Frodo's hand and
> >> > showed him the way to Arwen's cousin's dwellings, and came
> >> > there as healthy men do.
> >>
> >> While poor Frodo watched, envious...?
> >
> >Are you gay? Is that why you want to be Sam?
>
> HUHHHHHH???? I'm sure there's logic in there somewhere, but I'll
> be goddamned if I can find it.
>
> Prembone
>
> ..wondering how suggesting Frodo was envious of Aragorn "coming
> as healthy men do" makes me gay and desirous of being Sam, who as
> far as I know didn't even put in an appearance in the
> above-referenced scene.
>
>
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
To enjoy the thought of others pursuing their own lifestyle is not to
>endorse or not to endorse that lifestyle. It only shows that one is
capable of
>enjoying life as a far greater whole than a persons own experiences and
>preferences might limit that person to.
>
>Breathe
>Peace
>PaulB
>
>"[The Elves] position, ..., was one of exiles driven forward (against their
>will) who were in mind or actual posture ever looking backward." JRRT
Oo... NOW I understand what that motto about "the Elves position" and
"posture" means. It does sound difficult, though. Were they contortionists?
Öjevind
Steuard Jensen
> PS: I _AM_ a bit disappointed that no one noticed (or commented on
> it anyway) the plagiarism of the leaves->currency conversion. I
> loved that from Douglas Adams!
Oh, I noticed, and I enjoyed it... as I enjoyed the whole chapter.
I've just been a wee bit preoccupied of late, and haven't been posting
as much as usual. :) (All other things aside, having my fiancee living
with me at long last has tended to cut into my newsgroup time
considerably... and I can't really say that I mind. :) )
Steuard Jensen
Flame of the West
> >PaulB
> >
> >"[The Elves] position, ..., was one of exiles driven forward (against their
> >will) who were in mind or actual posture ever looking backward." JRRT
>
> Oo... NOW I understand what that motto about "the Elves position" and
> "posture" means. It does sound difficult, though. Were they contortionists?
*LOL!* Thanx, Öje: now I'll never again be able to read PaulB's sig
without laughing!
--
-- FotW
Reality is for those who cannot cope with Middle-Earth.
Oliver Brakmann
Dany Belinfante wrote...
> shaking his cute little fist, still red from orc blood.
hmm, I don't know if this is supposed to be fun or something,
but....
Wasn't orc-blood supposed to be black?
Am I trolling?
Sorry if so....
wasn't my intention.
> they laughed themselves silly as the poor Dwarf
> tripped and fell time after time
Oh my god, that's a good one...
I'd really like this e-text to evolve into a comic movie.
Much better than Walt Disney could ever be!
And... am I the only one with a mental image of Lego-lass
resembling that of Jar-Jar Binks?
--
Oliver Brakmann, aka Gremlin
<oliver....@privat.kkf.net> | <obra...@gmx.net>
PaulB
<jsol...@erols.com> writes:
>Öjevind Lång" wrote:
>
>> >PaulB
>> >
>> >"[The Elves] position, ..., was one of exiles driven forward (against
>their
>> >will) who were in mind or actual posture ever looking backward." JRRT
>>
>> Oo... NOW I understand what that motto about "the Elves position" and
>> "posture" means. It does sound difficult, though. Were they contortionists?
>
>*LOL!* Thanx, Öje: now I'll never again be able to read PaulB's sig
>without laughing!
OY!!!! Am I going to need to change my sig now to keep everybody from
smirking? I thought it was an interesting quote, especially pared with the
Laurie Anderson quote. What I really hoped was that someone would comment on
this and tell me where in Walter Benjamin's works Laurie Anderson found the
basis for this concept.
Ahhh, well. I think I can find a few good lines I haven't used yet. :¬[
Breathe
Peace
PaulB
"[The Elves] position, ..., was one of exiles driven forward (against their
will) who were in mind or actual posture ever looking backward." JRRT
"History is an angel being blown backward into the future" — Laurie Anderson
Aris Katsaris
Oliver Brakmann <obra...@gmx.net> wrote in message
news:8j25bu$5phhl$2...@fu-berlin.de...
>
> Dany Belinfante wrote...
> > shaking his cute little fist, still red from orc blood.
>
> hmm, I don't know if this is supposed to be fun or something,
> but....
>
> Wasn't orc-blood supposed to be black?
Troll-blood was black, I'm not sure we know what colour orc-blood
was...
Aris Katsaris
China Blue Bird of Happiness
/ >
/ > hmm, I don't know if this is supposed to be fun or something,
/ > but....
/ >
/ > Wasn't orc-blood supposed to be black?
/
/ Troll-blood was black, I'm not sure we know what colour orc-blood
/ was...
"If you prick me, do I not bleed?"
- The Goblinman of Mordor
Prembone
>A gay man trapped in a woman's body.
You've found me out.
Prembone
..who must thank all of you for providing me with such
entertainment as this thread.
--
God was my co-pilot, but our plane crashed in the mountains
and I had to eat him.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Prembone
>the softrat <sof...@pobox.com> wrote in message
>news:8gr5lso7e6ju1sdi1...@4ax.com...
>> you were envious of gay men and wanted to be a gay man. When
>> is your sex change operation?
>
>LOL! Given the number of straight men who seem to have a thing
>about two women together, there's a bit of problem with your
>reasoning here...
TOUCHE', Aris!!!
Prembone
..actually, now that you mention it, it's really quite simple:
Me rabidly heterosexual wench. Rabidly heterosexual wench like
nekkid men. Find nekkid men pleasurable to contemplate. More
nekkid men, more pleasure to contemplate. Simple.
Prembone
> IIRC, our dear Prembone is female
I am.
> making her at least lesbian and not gay.
Actually (if anyone really wants to know) I'm straight. The
combination of female + straight might help some of the denizens
of this newsgroup to understand why I like to dwell on the
subject of men in various states of undress.
> This would probably put an end to any gay phantasies with her
> as Sam.
I could always dress in drab...but I'm about two feet too tall
to be Sam.
> Although I do not know if the lesbian part is true or not, I
> don't really care.
Actually, that's my whole point with the Frodo/Sam thing: no big
deal. Although there is undeniably a hetero-female lust factor
involved (cf. hetero-male lust vis-a-vis women together),
primarily it's just one more thing to add to the mix of parody,
neither better nor worse than any of the other bizarre sexual
fantasies this group has thus far sprung upon us. And, too,
from a civil rights standpoint, I simply see no logical reason
to discriminate against adults in same-sex partnerships; as you
pointed out, I don't have to be gay myself to uphold the rights
of people who are.
Prembone
..who *really* has to get going to that Shakespeare in the Park
thingy.
Flame of the West
> Actually, that's my whole point with the Frodo/Sam thing:
> no big deal.
Well, really it is, because it would be so incongruous
with the rest of the moral framework of Middle-Earth.
> And, too,
> from a civil rights standpoint, I simply see no logical reason
> to discriminate against adults in same-sex partnerships;
Are you saying that Tolkien was discriminating against
homosexuals by not putting them in his book?
Prembone
>Prembone wrote:
>
>> Actually, that's my whole point with the Frodo/Sam thing:
>> no big deal.
>
>Well, really it is, because it would be so incongruous
>with the rest of the moral framework of Middle-Earth.
Ah, thank you for being so obliging, Flame, as to provide the
perfect context in which to post the one, and perhaps most
important, reason for "obsessing" over Frodo/Sam as sexually
attracted, a reason which I forgot to include with my above
list: SUBVERSION. The sheer, wicked pleasure of subverting the
starched-collar facade of moralistic "propriety," and, more to
the point in understanding the appeal of slash in general, the
appeal of subverting a male-dominated, male-oriented genre to
suit the prurient interests of prurient women. Ever wonder why
it is the most stereotypically masculine fandoms (sci-
fi/fantasy, e.g., Star Trek, Star Wars, Middle Earth) that seem
to draw the greatest amount of attention from slash writers?
It's not a coincidence. It's a conspiracy....BUHWAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Truly the pen is mightier than the sword. ;-)
Amy, what say you?
Prembone
Prembone
>> from a civil rights standpoint, I simply see no logical reason
>> to discriminate against adults in same-sex partnerships;
>
>Are you saying that Tolkien was discriminating against
>homosexuals by not putting them in his book?
This really is too stupid to deserve a response, but in case
anyone is really wondering: No. The above had nothing to do
with Tolkien or his book, but with the broader issue of arguing
on this group about the ethics of homosexuality. If you read it
IN CONTEXT, you will see that the above statement was made in
support of the general point that defending same-sex relations
stems from motivations other than self-interest. In other
words, one doesn't have to be gay to accept that "gay is O.K."
Certainly one doesn't have to be gay to see that using it in
fanfic gets a rise out of some men, if you take my meaning. ;-)
China Blue Bird of Happiness
What about a corral? Is that mightier than a poleaxe?
Flame of the West
> The above had nothing to do
> with Tolkien or his book, but with the broader issue of arguing
> on this group about the ethics of homosexuality.
??? What arguing? Perhaps I've missed it (I don't follow
every thread), but AFAIK that's one subject we avoid here.
It would be much further off-topic than religion, which we
admittedly talk about too much.
Flame of the West
> Truly the pen is mightier than the sword. ;-)
As the only member of this NG named after a sword,
I'll try not to take that personally. ;-)
Prembone
>
>> Truly the pen is mightier than the sword. ;-)
>
>As the only member of this NG named after a sword,
>I'll try not to take that personally. ;-)
A sword??? I thought your name was a reference to the Flame
Imperishable (or whatever it's called) that Gandalf said he's a
servant of. In other words, I thought your choice of handle was
reflective of your theological inclinations, proclaiming you a
servant of the "Flame of the West," i.e., the divine spirit.
Prembone
..and all I was really saying was that the pens of writers are
mightier than the swords of SF/Fantasy. Oh, but that still
sounds Freudian...ah, never mind.
Conrad Dunkerson
news:18540072...@usw-ex0102-013.remarq.com...
> Flame of the West <jsol...@erols.com> wrote:
>> As the only member of this NG named after a sword,
>> I'll try not to take that personally. ;-)
> A sword??? I thought your name was a reference to the Flame
> Imperishable (or whatever it's called) that Gandalf said he's a
> servant of.
Gandalf said he was a servant of the 'secret fire'... which may or
may not be the same as the 'flame imperishable' of Eru.
As to 'Flame of the West'... aka 'Anduril', yup it's a sword last I
checked.
Prembone
>"Prembone" <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote in
message
>news:18540072...@usw-ex0102-013.remarq.com...
>> Flame of the West <jsol...@erols.com> wrote:
>
>>> As the only member of this NG named after a sword,
>>> I'll try not to take that personally. ;-)
>
>> A sword??? I thought your name was a reference to the Flame
>> Imperishable (or whatever it's called) that Gandalf said he's
>> a servant of.
>
>Gandalf said he was a servant of the 'secret fire'... which may
>or may not be the same as the 'flame imperishable' of Eru.
OK, that's what I was thinking of. Thanks. Too late and too
lazy to bother looking it up, but I figured everyone knew what I
meant. ;-) I do recall that something I read had equated
the "secret fire" with the "flame imperishable."
>As to 'Flame of the West'... aka 'Anduril', yup it's a sword
>last I checked.
That one I *did* go look up in a reference book just to be
sure: Aragorn's sword. OK. I don't recall the reference to it
as the "Flame of the West," just "the sword that was broken." I
had to look up the Elvish word to be sure because I always had a
hell of a time keeping those Elvish names straight. And as I
said in a different thread, the swords were about dead last in
my list of Things Interesting in LOTR. ;-) Who cares about
stupid swords? Well, some people, apparently! I guess that
means there are some people, by the same token, who couldn't
care less about the psychological side of LOTR and the character
relationships.
Prembone
God was my co-pilot, but our plane crashed in the mountains
and I had to eat him.
MythTakes: Tolkien Parody http://mythtakes.prembone.com/
Paris
Prembone <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote:
[...]
>
> >As to 'Flame of the West'... aka 'Anduril', yup it's a sword
> >last I checked.
>
> That one I *did* go look up in a reference book just to be
> sure: Aragorn's sword. OK. I don't recall the reference to it
> as the "Flame of the West," just "the sword that was broken." I
> had to look up the Elvish word to be sure because I always had a
> hell of a time keeping those Elvish names straight. And as I
> said in a different thread, the swords were about dead last in
> my list of Things Interesting in LOTR. ;-) Who cares about
> stupid swords?
Which goes to prove: girls just don't understand Tolkien... :P
[...]
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Flame of the West
> >Gandalf said he was a servant of the 'secret fire'... which may
> >or may not be the same as the 'flame imperishable' of Eru.
>
> OK, that's what I was thinking of. Thanks. Too late and too
> lazy to bother looking it up, but I figured everyone knew what I
> meant. ;-) I do recall that something I read had equated
> the "secret fire" with the "flame imperishable."
I'm a little unclear on that point. Robert Foster equates the
Secret Fire with the Holy Spirit, and indicates that the Flame
Imperishable is probably the same.
> the swords were about dead last in
> my list of Things Interesting in LOTR. ;-) Who cares about
> stupid swords?
It's a guy thing.
> Well, some people, apparently! I guess that
> means there are some people, by the same token, who couldn't
> care less about the psychological side of LOTR and the character
> relationships.
That, I suppose, is a chick thing. ;-)
Flame of the West
> >As the only member of this NG named after a sword,
> >I'll try not to take that personally. ;-)
>
> A sword??? I thought your name was a reference to the Flame
> Imperishable (or whatever it's called) that Gandalf said he's a
> servant of.
I don't blame you for forgetting the meaning of FotW since
you're a Book Four/Book Six person. OTOH, I am a confirmed
Book Five person. The Battle of the Pelennor Fields was my
very favorite chapter, and one of my favorite lines is:
"But before all went Aragorn with the Flame of the West,
Andúril like a new fire kindled, Narsil re-forged as deadly
as of old; and upon his brow was the Star of Elendil."
> In other words, I thought your choice of handle was
> reflective of your theological inclinations, proclaiming you a
> servant of the "Flame of the West," i.e., the divine spirit.
You are perceptive. The handle FotW was partially a pun,
with the hidden meaning of my willingness to employ the
occasional rant ("flame") in defense of Western cultural
values. But I was new then, and didn't know what a proper
flame really was. I don't pretend to be in the same league
with Papa O'Neill, Hogarth, and the rest.
Flame of the West
> Truly the pen is mightier than the sword. ;-)
Or as the elderly Ben Franklin said in the movie "1776":
"At my age, the pen is definitely mightier than the sword!"
Happy 4th of July!
Mia Kalogjera
> Which goes to prove: girls just don't understand Tolkien... :P
?
--
"I don't walk on the edge. I walk on the other side."
Die Andere Seite at http://www.crosswinds.net/~jereeza
TheOneRing.net LotR film site at http://theonering.net
e-mail: jereeza(at)yahoo.com or mia(at)theonering.net
Paris
Mia Kalogjera <jereeza...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Paris wrote:
>
> > Which goes to prove: girls just don't understand Tolkien... :P
>
> ?
>
Well, not to mention maps! Imagine Fantasy literature without swords and
maps! Mysterious metals! Staffs, chainmails, palantirs. These are the
stuff that dreams are made of.
Ermanna
Paris wrote:
<shnip>
> Which goes to prove: girls just don't understand Tolkien... :P
HEY! WE DO SO!
> [...]
>
> Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
> Before you buy.
Ermanna the Elven Jedi Knight
Elberth Gilthoniel!
Cardinal Zorak
I be interested in the mythic significance of the swords to people, and the
people's interaction around their "sacred objects"??
Cardinal Z
"If he wants to torture you, you won't Torquemada'f it!"
--
"Prembone" <prembone...@beatmail.com.invalid> wrote in message
news:2e61e440...@usw-ex0102-014.remarq.com...
> And as I
> said in a different thread, the swords were about dead last in
> my list of Things Interesting in LOTR. ;-) Who cares about
> stupid swords? Well, some people, apparently! I guess that
> means there are some people, by the same token, who couldn't
> care less about the psychological side of LOTR and the character
> relationships.
>
> Prembone
Conrad Dunkerson
news:8jq5l0$h7n$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
> Which goes to prove: girls just don't understand Tolkien... :P
Oh... ouch. You should have taken a lesson from your namesake;
never piss off more than one woman at a time.
This could get ugly.
Wolfman
--
Blessings
Wolfman
In Wildness is the preservation of the Earth.
"Flame of the West" <jsol...@erols.com> wrote in message
news:3960A4B8...@erols.com...
> Prembone wrote:
> > the swords were about dead last in
> > my list of Things Interesting in LOTR. ;-) Who cares about
> > stupid swords?
>
> It's a guy thing.
>
> > Well, some people, apparently! I guess that
> > means there are some people, by the same token, who couldn't
> > care less about the psychological side of LOTR and the character
> > relationships.
>
William H. Hsu
>PaulB hath written:
>[snip]
>To enjoy the thought of others pursuing their own lifestyle is not to
>>endorse or not to endorse that lifestyle. It only shows that one is
>capable of
>>enjoying life as a far greater whole than a persons own experiences and
>>preferences might limit that person to.
>>
>>Breathe
>>Peace
>>PaulB
>>
>>"[The Elves] position, ..., was one of exiles driven forward (against their
>>will) who were in mind or actual posture ever looking backward." JRRT
>Oo... NOW I understand what that motto about "the Elves position" and
>"posture" means. It does sound difficult, though. Were they contortionists?
>Ojevind
Why, yes! A group of Elves are now touring the world under the name
of /Cirque du Soleil/. I just caught them performing "Mystere" in Vegas.
-Bill
"And if Elves could fly, perhaps they could fetch the Sun to save us."
=======================================================
William H. Hsu ICQ: 28651394
bh...@cis.uiuc.edu
The Red Songbook of Westmarch: Tolkien Song Parodies
http://ringil.cis.ksu.edu/Tolkien/Humor/RedSOW
=======================================================
William H. Hsu
>/ > > shaking his cute little fist, still red from orc blood.
>/ >
>/ > hmm, I don't know if this is supposed to be fun or something,
>/ > but....
>/ >
>/ > Wasn't orc-blood supposed to be black?
>/
>/ Troll-blood was black, I'm not sure we know what colour orc-blood
>/ was...
>"If you prick me, do I not bleed?"
> - The Goblinman of Mordor
Funny you should mention this --- I just noticed it. I have a whole
segment of Shylock's monologue in II.9 ("The Grey Liver").
For an orc, it should probably be: "Hath not an Orc toes? Hath not
an Orc hands, organs, dimensions, a beak, a soul? Fed with (more or less)
the same food, hurt with the same weapons, healed with the same brown gunk,
warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as an Elf is? If you prick
us, shall we not kill you? If you tickle us, shall we not kill you? If you
poison us, shall we not KILL you? And if you wrong us, shall we not slaughter
you all and hack you into little itty bitty pieces? If we are like you in the
rest, we will resemble you in that... the villainy you teach me, I will
execute; and it shall be so hard, but I will better the instruction."
Personally, I'm waiting for /Bereno and Luthien/ and, of course,
/All's Well That Ends with A Volcanic Eruption/.
-Bill
Andrew Durdin
William H. Hsu <bh...@ringil.cis.ksu.edu> wrote in message
news:8ksq9m$1cp$1...@ringil.cis.ksu.edu...
> mlin...@hotmail.com (China Blue Bird of Happiness) writes:
>
> >/ > > shaking his cute little fist, still red from orc blood.
> >/ >
> >/ > hmm, I don't know if this is supposed to be fun or something,
> >/ > but....
> >/ >
> >/ > Wasn't orc-blood supposed to be black?
> >/
> >/ Troll-blood was black, I'm not sure we know what colour orc-blood
> >/ was...
"The rocks were stained black with goblin-blood" - The Hobbit, (The Clouds
Burst)
Shimpei Yamashita
OTOH, human blood does turn brown when exposed to air, and oxygen-poor blood
from the veins (as opposed to from the arteries) does look pretty dark in
copious quantities even when it's fresh--take a look next time you're giving
blood. So, depending on your definition of "black," the above passage
may or may not show that orcish blood was in fact black. For all we know,
they could have had blue blood that turned black on contact with air....
--
Shimpei Yamashita <http://www2.gol.com/users/shimpei/>
Dany Belinfante
Shimpei Yamashita <shi...@gol.com> schreef in berichtnieuws 8l2mis$gl4>
>"The rocks were stained black with goblin-blood" - The Hobbit, (The Clouds
> >Burst)
>
> OTOH, human blood does turn brown when exposed to air, and oxygen-poor
blood
> from the veins (as opposed to from the arteries) does look pretty dark in
> copious quantities even when it's fresh--take a look next time you're
giving
> blood. So, depending on your definition of "black," the above passage
> may or may not show that orcish blood was in fact black. For all we know,
> they could have had blue blood that turned black on contact with air....
>
> --
I was about to say "Old dried blood looks kinda black", but was shut up by
the above.
Dany