It is an honor and a privilege to deliver the keynote address at this
year's convention of the Association of Librarians in America.

(applause)

Our nation's libraries have a history you can be proud of.  Thanks to
Banned Books Week and the Challenged Books List, Americans can still
read the most controversial books anytime they want, anywhere they
want, AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE!

(thunderous applause)

Your efforts have kept free Internet access truly free for those who
can't afford it.  Free, in the finest sense of the word!  No Internet
filters now, no Internet filters ever, AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE!

(more thunderous applause)

And perhaps your greatest achievement of all:  Good ol' Yankee
favoritism, snobbery and idol-worship are alive and well and living on
the children's bookshelves of America's public libraries.  Books from
small presses and independent publishers are being banned in record
numbers, AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE!

(shocked silence)

Oh, stop saying to yourselves "Moi?  Why, whatever could he mean?"
Let me read you an email from a librarian to a newly published author:

"Dear Mr. First-Time Author of a Children's Book* from a Royalty-
Paying Independent Publisher:

The books you donated will not be added to the collection of The Local
Library. There are no reviews available from standard review sources
such as School Library Journal, The Horn Book or Booklist to support
its inclusion. While we may sometimes include unreviewed books in our
collection, your book does not fall under other criteria in our
selection policy such as inclusion in 'best seller' lists, literary
merit or perceived need.

The books will be available on my desk at the main branch if you would
like to have them back."

Ah, I see just a few of you shaking your heads in disgust and dismay.
You are in the minority among librarians because you believe every
author’s work should be judged, not prejudged.  The others are nodding
in agreement with the email sender and thinking, "Well, the guy's
obviously a hack and got what he deserved.  You go, sister!"

You all know how the library review magazines work.  The lead time for
submitting review copies is at least three months, but most editions
are filled as early as a year in advance to coincide with the
marketing campaigns of a few media conglomerates.  If a book was
submitted but not reviewed, it only means the publisher isn't big
enough to flood the magazines with books from multiple imprints.  Even
a bad review guarantees a spot on a library shelf.  Bad reviews didn't
keep you from buying all those celebrity-authored books for children.
You might as well put boxes of sugar-sweetened cereal on your library
shelves.  They're both heavily promoted manufactured products with
guaranteed sales.  Neither has much in common with a book by someone
who sent out submissions, collected rejections and kept at it,
revising, refining, and finally finding a small publisher who would
take a chance and bring the book to press.  And that kind of book
doesn't deserve a review?  Why not?  Not enough space in the next
edition?  Whose fault is that?

And how does a book build up a readership without some exposure,
beginning close to home?  Isn't the library the place to discover
books you can't easily find elsewhere?  Everyone knows where to find
best-sellers.  They're at Wal-Mart.  So, will we someday find the
"Stuart Little" movies on DVD at the library but not the original book
by E. B. White because it's been withdrawn due to lack of sales, uh,
popularity?  How many libraries still have the Local Authors and
Independent Publishers shelves?  Heck, they’ve been replaced with
Oprah’s Book Club, New York Times Best-Sellers, Celebrity Authors, and
movie and TV tie-ins.

That leaves "literary merit" and "perceived need.”  What would happen
if I were to grab a ghostwritten book by “insert name of celebrity
starlet here” off the shelf and declare, “As a library cardholder, I
do not perceive the need to spend taxpayer dollars on this because it
lacks literary merit”?  You’re right!  I’m now an enemy of
intellectual freedom and the book is beatified as a Challenged Book.
The next step is sainthood as a Most Challenged Book.  And if it's a
Most Challenged Book, it magically shows up in even more libraries!
Most Americans can find every Most Challenged Book at libraries within
walking distance of home.

And you have the nerve to call it "Banned Books Week"?  More like
"Impossible-to-Ban Books Week."  In fact, the only people in America
with the power to ban books from America's libraries are America's
librarians!  Only you folks call it "literary merit" or "perceived
need."  Banned is banned, so the "Banned Books Week" people are now
the folks who bless and approve of the only real book banning.

So, there you have it.  A book earns its place on a shelf in The Local
Library if it's been reviewed in magazines that long ago sold their
souls to media conglomerates, if it's already a guaranteed best-
seller, and if the author is famous just for being famous.

It's up to all of you.  You can turn your libraries back into a place
of true discovery and welcome books from independent presses.  If you
won’t, then please remember to answer honestly when a child asks, "Can
I write a children's book, too?"

"Of course you can.  You can do anything you set your mind to.
Nothing can stop you!"

"Can I get it published?"

"Of course you can, if you're ready to be told by a lot of publishers
that your book isn't right for their lists, and if you're willing to
keep at it, rewriting, revising and doing it over and over again until
you succeed.  A quitter never wins and a winner never quits!"

"And can I give the library a copy?"

"Not very likely, kid."

"But . . . you just said . . ."

"We say that to all the kids, even kids who aren't pretty enough and
popular enough, like you."

Keep up the good work, everyone!

*Ekaitis, Joe. "Collinsfort Village." Silverton, Idaho: WindRiver
Publishing, 2005.