Ranma 1/2: (Mis)adventures of a Foreign Exchange Student (Part 2)
U59...@uicvm.uic.edu
various members of the family.]
Akane: This is Kasumi, my father, and Mr. Saotome [who is amazingly a person,
not a panda].
Pat: [bows formally to all of them] I'm sorry that you were caught...unaware
of my arrival.
Kasumi: [smiling] Well, I hope that you enjoy your stay. If you'll excuse
me, I have to prepare dinner. [leaves the parlor]
Soun: I think that you'll find that things are pretty peaceful around here.
Ranma: Once you get used to Akane's temper tantrums. [SLAP!]
Akane: BAKA!
Soun: Now, now, there's no need for language like that. Remember, Pat is a
guest in our humble home.
Pat: By the way, do you mind if I settle into my room for a bit? I've got
some things that I have to unpack.
Ranma: [picking up Pat's suitcase] Follow me.
[Ranma and Pat arrive at the guest room (i.e., Ranma and Genma's room. Pat
takes off his backpack as Ranma puts down the former's suitcase and leaves.]
[Pat unpacks his laptop computer and connects it to the power supply in the
room. He powers it up and begins to type.]
Pat: (voice-over) Well, I finally made it relatively intact to Japan, bro.
So far things have been pretty uneventful, if you call someone trying to kill
me uneventful. This guy, Kuno, seems to have this crush on one of the
daughters of my "foster family." I don't think that she's returning the favor.
The guy challenged me to a duel tomorrow because I humiliated him when he
probably expected a death blow. I know that the first and only rule in
street fighting is to get your opponent down and make sure that he never gets
back up, but I just can't kill anybody. Also, you know those letters from
Akane, my "foster sister?" They were written by her sister, Nabiki. She set
this whole foreign-exchange thing up just to get some money for room and
board. You were right, the person that wrote those letters seems really
scheming. Akane, however, I just don't know what to make of. She seems
almost like a tomboy, and she has this love/hate relationship with Ranma (she
loves to hate him and hates to love him). I guess you'd call it tolerance.
As to this Ranma guy, he can be a real jerk to Akane sometimes, but nothing
really malicious. Other times, however, he's actually pretty nice to her.
Well, that's about it from Japan today. I'll write to you a little later.
Pat.
[At the same time that Pat's writing his letter, Ranma and Akane are sitting
outside near the fish pond.]
Ranma: So, what do you think about this guy?
Akane: I really don't know what to make of him. He seems to be a nice
person. Then again, he might be a real jerk. I'll...we'll just have to wait
and see.
Ranma: Does that mean you like him or something?
Akane: [standing up] WHAT?!
Ranma: [backing away] I mean as a friend.
Akane: You mean as a boyfriend! [pushes Ranma into the fish pool]
Ranma-chan: Waugh! What was that for?
Akane: For calling that guy my boyfriend! [storms off]
Ranma-chan: [to herself] What a hot-tempered uncute tomboy. [walks into the
house to take a quick hot shower. She passes by her room, with Pat still
typing away. Unfortunately, Pat looks up from his laptop and sees Ranma-chan
walking by. He gets up to intercept her.]
Pat: [tapping Ranma-chan on the shoulder] Hey, I don't think I know you.
What's your name, anyways?
Ranma-chan: [turning around] Come on Pat, it's me, Ran-[pauses, then
realizes that Pat doesn't know anything about her curse]-ko. I'm Akane's
cousin.
Pat: [looking somewhat unconvinced] Um...yeah, right. Then how come you're
wearing Ranma's clothes and you're sopping wet?
Ranma-chan: [squirming] Uh...Akane kind of pushed me into the fish pond
outside, and Ranma lets me borrow his clothes.
Pat: [thoroughly unconvinced] I don't think so. Nabiki's letters never
mentioned you as either part of the family or staying here. What the heck is
going on here? I want the truth.
Ranma-chan: All right, but I need to take care of something in the bathroom.
Pat: Okay. I'll be waiting outside. [pats Ranma-chan's shouler]
[Rnama-chan goes into the bathroom and douses herself with hot water from the
shower. Ranma then exits to find a somewhat confused Pat waiting.]
Pat: Hey, where did that girl go?
Ranma: What girl?
Pat: The girl that just went in there not five minutes ago.
Ranma: Nope, no-one in there except me. [turns and starts to walk away. We
(and Pat) notice a small yellow smiley face sticker on his shoulder. Pat
catches up with Ranma.]
Pat: Hold it for one minute! [grabs Ranma by the shoulder] You see this
smiley face on your shoulder? I stuck that on the shoulder of the supposedly
nonexistent girl! Now, either you switched clothes with the girl, which is
highly unlikely, or there's something going on here that I don't know about.
Now, Ranko or Ranma or whatever your name is, I want some answers!
[Ranma sighs, then begins to explain his situation]
Pat: ...so let me get this straight, because you fell into a magical cursed
pool at Jusenkyo, you turn into a girl whenever you get doused with cold
water, but when you get splashed with hot water, you turn back into a boy.
If that's not enough, your father becomes a panda, a girlfriend of yours turns
into a cat, and someone you know turns into a pig. Is that about right?
Ranma: I know it sounds crazy, but I have to live with this for the rest of
my life, or at least until someone finds the man-drown pool so I can turn back
to normal. I can't tell you who turns into a pig, though. It's a matter of
honor.
Pat: Well, the way Nabiki painted life here in her letters, you'd think it
was pretty boring here. That's another thing she lied about, other than her
name.
[Ranma and Pat shuffle along to the parlor. Kasumi has just finished cooking
dinner and is about to call everyone to the table.]
Kasumi: Oh, Ranma, Pat, could you tell everyone that dinner's ready?
Ranma & Pat: Sure.
[Soon, everyone is at the table, devouring the food. Everyone, that is,
except Pat.]
Pat: Okay, Nabiki, why didn't you tell me what was *really* going on around
here?
Nabiki: What was I going to say, that we live with some gullible jerk that
turns into a girl, and his panda father?
Pat: Well, at least you could have been honest about your name!
Nabiki:....
Akane: [to herself] They couldn't be talking about...no, Ranma wouldn't be
*that* stupid.
[Later, Pat's talking with Akane and Ranma in Akane's room (a rare occurrence
indeed)]
Pat: So, what am I supposed to do about the duel tomorrow? I know I just
can't chicken out, he'd never leave me alone then.
Akane: I have to warn you, he's very dangerous.
Ranma: Except when he's fighting Akane, then he holds back a little.
[WHAP!!!]
Pat: I am not going to be using my "foster sister" as a shield, for crying
out loud!
Ranma: I wouldn't really worry about him.
Akane: You should. Remember when you had to go to Tofu-sensei after fighting
him?
Ranma: [matter-of-factly] I remember that I had to go after a certain hot-
tempered fiancee' twisted my arm backwards, among other things.
Akane: It was your fault!
[Ranma and Akane start up their usual argument over various subjects,
everything from A to Z. Pat puts up with it for two minutes, then holds up
his hand in a (futile) attempt to quiet the two.]
Pat: Guys...er, people, there's still the matter of my duel with Kuno.
[They still keep arguing. Pat finally loses what little frayed patience he
has left.]
Pat: All right, CUT IT OUT!!! Now, what's the matter with you two? I could
be killed tomorrow morning and you two would still keep on arguing on whose
fault it was! AAARRRGGGHHH!!! I GIVE UP! [storms off]
Ranma & Akane: ...
Akane: Ranma, I guess you'd better talk to him.
Ranma: Okay.
[Ranma wanders around the house, looking for Pat. He checks his room, the
kitchen, and then goes outside. He hears some shouts from the dojo, along
with sounds of mass destruction. Ranma enters to find Pat practicing street
fighting. The latter just punched through a series of bricks. Pat then
proceeds to demolish other assorted objects. Just before he destroys another
stack of bricks, Pat notices Ranma standing outside the dojo.]
Pat:....Listen, I'm sorry I blew up like that at you guys. I know you were
only trying to help.
Ranma: Well, I'm sorry that you saw us fight. You didn't come here for that.
Pat: Yeah, well. By the way, any suggestions on what to do with Kuno?
Ranma: [smirking] Yeah. Try this on him for starters....