Ranma 1/2: (Mis)adventures of a Foreign Exchange Student (Part 1)
U59...@uicvm.uic.edu
a look at this, and also my sister for her "destructive criticism." Sharp-eyed
people might just find a Street Fighter II inside joke. Enjoy!
RANMA 1/2: (MIS)ADVENTURES OF A FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT
[Exterior shot of Furinkan High School. Ranma and Akane are walking to their
first class, unusually quiet for the day. A taxicab pulls up beside them
as Ranma nearly collides with its passenger.]
Ranma: [Backing away from the passenger] Hey, watch it!
Passenger: Sorry about that! [turns to the taxidriver] Here's your fare,
and is 1000 yen okay for a tip?
Taxidriver: Okay? That's a pretty good tip! Thanks, kid!
[The passenger, a young Chinese man, reaches into the cab to get his packages:
a backpack that would rival Ryoga's and a large suitcase. The kid is your
average Chinese teenager, about 16, and is the type that one wouldn't think
twice about except for his strangely Occidental and intense eyes. He closes
the door and the taxi drives off.]
Passenger: Excuse me, but is this Furinkan High School?
Ranma: [looking at Akane, then turning to the kid] Yes.
Passenger: Great! Now can you tell me where to find an [digs a paper out of
his pockets] Akane Tendo?
Akane: That's me. Who are you?
Passenger: The name's Pat Lee. I'm a foreign exchange student, at least for
the next two weeks. [Looks confused when Akane stares at him blankly] You
mean you didn't know? I wrote you a letter not two days ago.
Akane: No, I don't remember anything about a foreign exchange program.
Pat: Well, I know that I was supposed to meet either you or your sister,
Nabiki, here.
[Just then, Nabiki walks towards Ranma, Akane and Pat]
Nabiki: Hey, what's going on around here?
Ranma: You tell us. This guy says he's an exchange student.
Nabiki: [Looking unfazed] My, did I forget to tell you about that? Well,
now you know, bye!
Ranma: [stepping in front of Nabiki] All right, how much is this guy
worth to you?
Pat: Hey! I'm not some kind of door prize, you know!
Ranma: Sorry, but if Nabiki brought you here all the way from...by the way,
where are you from?
Pat: The United States, or to be more precise, Illinois.
Ranma: Okay, as I was saying, if Nabiki went through all the trouble to bring
you here from the U.S., there's got to be something that's worth her while.
Pat: Well, the payment of room and board is 30,000 yen per week.
Ranma: [glaring at Nabiki] Is that all you wanted from this guy, money!!?
Nabiki: Well, I'll take my money where I can find it.
[Just then, the early bell rings, bringing a timely reprieve for all involved.
This doesn't last long, though, as Kuno makes his appearance, complete with a
bouquet of roses and his bokken.]
Kuno: Ah, Akane, these roses pale in the presence of beauty such as...
[notices Pat] eh? Who is this gaijin that dares to stand between me and you?
Pat: Huh? [looking around] Did I do something wrong? [thinking] And what
the heck does gaijin mean anyways? [takes out an electronic phonetic Japanese
translator and keys it in. Pat reads to himself the rough meaning] "A
derogative term for outsider or foreigner." [looking at Kuno] Uh, listen, I
may be a foreigner, but that's no reason for you to put me down. And if I'm
in the way of your friend, [moves out of between them] I'm sorry.
Kuno: A mere apology will not save you. You have offended me and my honor! Pr
[Ranma prepares to intervene on Pat's behalf but Pat waves him off.]
Pat: It's my fight.
Ranma: Are you sure?
Pat: [smiles] Eh, I'll be okay. [Takes off his backpack and lowers his
suitcase]
[Kuno takes several swings at Pat. Ranma, Akane and Nabiki look on as Pat
evades each and every stroke. After about a minute, Kuno prepares for a swing
down the middle of Pat's head. The bokken goes down and Pat grabs it with
one hand without any difficulty. A crunching sound is heard as Pat grinds
the part of the sword that he's holding into sawdust. Letting go of the
sword, Pat kicks with his right leg. Kuno dodges but isn't prepared for the
same leg snapping back, hitting him on the face. Pat finishes up with a
roundhouse kick and does a short hop, apparently to do a drop kick.]
Pat: SPINNING HURRICANE KICK!
[The hurricane kick hits Kuno three times in the face, knocking him down to
the ground. Landing, Pat lifts Kuno's head with one hand while the heel of
his other is cocked, apparently for a killing stroke.]
Pat: Okay, mister, prepare for the ultimate blow! HHHHAAAAIIII...[Pat's hand
stops short a centimeter from Kuno's nose. Pat then performs a noogie on
Kuno's head, complete with appropriate squeaking sound effects. Shocked, Kuno
falls face first on the ground. Pat gathers his belongings as if nothing ever
happened and walks towards the school.]
Akane: [looking at Kuno, then Pat] You weren't actually going to kill him,
were you?
Pat: [looking at Akane] Nah, I wouldn't kill anybody. The look on his face
was priceless! [laughing] Besides, my brother always told me that
humiliation is worse than death for the other guy any day. [looking at the
school clock] Uh-oh, we'd better get to class! Um, do you know where class-
room 1-A is supposed to be?
Ranma: Just follow us. [runs to class]
Pat: [to himself] I just hope that every day isn't like this.
[In class 1-A, rumors are abounding about the new kid that defeated Kuno. The
teacher silences the class with a sharp look.]
Sensei: Class, we have an exchange student from the United States who will be
studying here for the next two weeks. I want you to treat him as if he were a
regular student. [Glances at Pat] Mr. Lee, it may be appropriate for you to
dress in blue jeans, a plaid shirt and a jogging jacket in the States, but
around here, I expect some more civilized clothes. Is that understood?
Pat: Yes, sensei.
[After a lengthy and boring lecture about the history of World War II, the
lunch bell finally rings, relieving the students. They stampede out of the
class. Pat tentatively follows Ranma and Akane to the lunchroom.]
Pat: [sitting down next to them] You know, in all the confusion, I never did
get your name [looks at Ranma].
Ranma: It's Ranma. Ranma Saotome. [extends his hand]
Pat: [shakes Ranma's hand] How do you do? Who was that guy that I beat,
anyway?
Akane: His name's Tatewaki Kuno, but everybody here either calls him
upperclassman or Kuno.
Pat: [grinning] With a given name like Tatewaki, it's no wonder he goes by
his family name. Not many people can pronounce it. [starts digging into his
backpack for his lunch] Let me see here, books, clothes, laptop computer,
walkman, tapes...AHA! There's my lunch, all the way down there! [pulls out a
small lunch bag, amazingly intact considering what was on top of it]
Ranma: [amazed at the contents of Pat's backpack] How the heck can you fit
all that in your backpack? And why do you need a laptop computer in that
thing?
Pat: Number one, I manage. Number two, it's for sending letters to my family.
Hardly anybody goes by conventional mail anymore. By the way, does every day
start off like this?
Ranma: No, you kind of caught us on a slow day.
Pat: That was slow!!!???
Akane: You kind of get used to it after a while.
Pat: [muttering] That's what they said about smog in Chicago. [to Ranma and
Akane] By the way, where am I going to stay, since you weren't really
expecting me to drop by?
Akane: Well, you could stay in Ranma's room. [Ranma glares at her] Or, we
could make some arrangements when we get home.
Pat: Cool. Now, on to lunch! [he swiftly devours his lunch, with nary a
hair out of place]
Ranma: Y'know, you kind of remind me of my dad.
Pat: How so?
Ranma: You both like to eat a lot.
Pat: [raises an eyebrow] Well, it's nice to know that you hold your father
in such high esteem.
Akane: You don't know Uncle Saotome very well.
[Kuno appears, somewhat bruised from the morning encounter with Pat. He's
holding another bokken and a small slip of paper. He saunters over to Ranma
and Akane's table and slaps the paper down in front of Pat.]
Kuno: Do not think that you have defeated me simply because I have been
humiliated. I challenge you to a duel tomorrow. One other thing, prepare to
make peace with whatever gaijin deity you worship. [leaves the lunchroom]
Pat: [looking at the paper] Great, it hasn't even been a day that I'm here
and someone's tried to kill me! What do I do now? I didn't come to Japan just
to be skewered by some self-righteous sword-swinging maniac! [looks at Ranma]
What would you do in my place?
Ranma: Well, I'd just knock him down again, but nothing gets through to that
head of his, if you know what I mean.
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FLAMES!