Ranma 1/2: (Mis)adventures of a Foreign Exchange Student (Pt 9)
Pearson Mui
[The next morning, the Principal is in his office with Nabiki.]
Principal: So, you say that you know who put me through that...humiliation?
Nabiki: Yes, but it'll cost you.
Principal: How much?
Nabiki: For you? 3000 yen.
Principal: What!?
Nabiki: Take it or leave it.
Principal: All right. [pays her] Now, who did that to me?
Nabiki: Pat Lee, the new exchange student.
Principal: [outraged] Why that little...[smiles maliciously] Well, I have
something in mind for our dear Mr. Lee. [to Nabiki] You may go. [She does,
counting her money all the way.]
[On her way out, she bumps into Pat.]
Pat: Whoa! [notices the money in her hands] Bribing someone else?
Nabiki: Not exactly.
[That afternoon, Pat and Ranma are leaving the boys' locker room on their way
to the contest. Pat is still dragging along his backpack.]
Pat: Hoo boy. Y'know, I'm not really looking forward to this.
Ranma: Then why'd you sign up?
Pat: I figured that it'd be just fun and games, not life and death stuff.
Ranma: [thinks about something] I just realized something. [looks around,
then continues] Do you usually stick smiley-face stickers on girls to see if
they change in the shower?
Pat: No, actually I just stuck it on your shoulder because it looked funny.
[At about the same time, Kodachi is prowling around the girls' locker room.
She sneaks behind Ukyo and shoves her into a locker with a bouquet of black
roses and locks it.]
Ukyo: Hey, what the--?! [the roses appear to be smoking. It's knockout gas.
She starts coughing violently.]
[The rest of the locker room isn't faring so well either. Kodachi has strate-
gically placed bouquets of black roses, each of them emitting knockout gas.
She cackles maniacally as she makes her exit, locking the doors to the room.
On her way out, she almost flips right into Pat, who dodges her.]
Pat: [jerks back] Whoa, what the--?! [Kodachi doesn't even pause to look at
him and exits.]
[Inside the locker room, Shampoo makes her own exit, knocking out a fair por-
tion of the wall next to the door. She stumbles out, as do the rest of the
girls inside. All, that is, except for Ukyo.]
Akane: [coughing] That b**** Kodachi!
Ranma: [looking around] Hey, where's Ukyo?
Shampoo: Inside, I think! Forget about her!
Pat: [takes a cautious whiff of the gas, stumbles, and then recovers. He then
notices a water fountain and goes over to it. He takes out a small cup as well
as a handkerchief and starts to fill it the former with water. He dips the
handkerchief in the water and wrings it out. He quickly looks around to see
no one except him, Ranma, Akane and Shampoo.] Hey, Ranma!
Ranma: Wha? [Pat douses him with cold water] GAAHH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?
Pat: Just in case. [throws her the handkerchief] This'll help you with the
gas.
Ranma-chan: [catches it and puts it over her nose and mouth area] What are
you, a boy scout?
Pat: What gave you that idea?
Ranma-chan: [enters the locker room cautiously] Hey, this trick really
works. [searches for Ukyo. She finds her, passed out in a locker, a bouquet
of black roses at her feet. Ranma-chan rips it open and catches Ukyo in one
arm, careful to keep the handkerchief on her mouth and nose. She helps the
latter out of the locker room, where the gas is already starting to dissipate.
Pat is waiting for her with a thermos in his hand, presumably with hot water.
Everyone else has gone outside.]
Pat: [looks around and then pours the contents of the thermos on Ranma-chan.]
Sorry about the hot and cold routine, but I figured that you wouldn't want to
be caught entering that locker room without a good reason.
Ranma: [sarcastic] How kind. Do you always keep hot and cold water handy?
Pat: With you around, always. [Ukyo begins to wake up.] How do you feel?
Ukyo: Unnhh...[eyes snap open] Kodachi! That little...
Ranma: What happened?
Ukyo: She locked me up with one of those bouquets of hers. The next thing you
know, I'm out cold.
Pat: [to Ukyo] Would you mind giving me your arm?
Ukyo: [cautiously takes out a mini-spatula] Why? Are you into holding hands?
Pat: No, it's so I can take your pulse. [she reluctantly gives him her arm.
He takes her pulse, then releases her.] It's a little slow, but about normal.
[takes out a flashlight from his backpack and turns it on.]
Ukyo: What's that for?
Pat: Just making sure there's no permanent damage. [flashes the light into
her eyes.]
Ukyo: HEY! GET THAT THING OUT OF MY EYES! [bats the light away.] Since
when are you a doctor?
Pat: I'm working on it, all right? Now, from what I can tell, there's no
permanent damage from the gas, but this isn't a thorough checkup. I really
wouldn't recommend going out there to fight.
Ukyo: [sarcastic] Thanks for the recommendation, "Doc." I can take care of
myself.
Pat: [shrugs] Okay, but if you feel any dizziness...
Ukyo: [brushing him off] Right, right, right.
[The three of them exit the school and enter the match grounds. There is a
considerable crowd and the rest of the contenders have arrived. Ranma and Pat
pass by the rest of the male fighters, each having a score to settle with one
or the other. As the Principal begins to speak, everyone sits down.]
Principal: [speaking into a microphone] Welcome, everyone! I'll be brief...
[everyone starts cheering. He clears his throat and restarts.] There is a
minor, almost insignificant change in the rules. It's nothing much, really.
Instead of having everyone fight everyone else, I am going to choose one person
to have everyone else fight.
Pat: I wonder who's the lucky soul? [notices Beth in the crowd] Oh, great,
my sister's here. As if things weren't bad enough. Oh well. [goes over to
her] Hey, sis.
Beth: Yeesss?
Pat: Would you mind keeping an eye on my backpack?
Beth: [malicious smile] Sure. It's just one more thing you owe me.
Pat: Oog.
Principal: The fighter who can knock down Pat Lee is the winner.
Pat: [squeaky voice] Uh oh. [every fighter turns his or her head towards
him.] Definitely an "uh oh."
Principal: There are three rounds, each lasting four minutes. The match ends
if either fighter is thrown out of the ring or is knocked out. If, at the end
of the three rounds there is no decision, the winner will be decided by a coin
toss. That is all. [turns off the microphone, sits, and rubs his hands in
anticipation.] Heh heh heh. That'll show him not to mess with me.
Referee: The first match will be Kodachi Kuno versus Pat Lee. [Kodachi makes
a dramatic entrance into the ring. Pat, somewhat meekly, also enters.]
Pat: [to the referee] Wait a minute. *I* have to fight *her*?
Referee: That's the general idea. Now, take your place...
Pat: [gets an idea] Hold it! I can't fight *her*. She's not mentally fit
to be here.
Referee: Not mentally fit? What do you mean?
Pat: [whispering] Does a sane girl have to cheat?
Referee: [shrugs] Most sane people do.
Pat: [whispering] Yes, but *before* the actual contest? Why, just a few
minutes ago, she gassed the entire girls' locker room.
Referee: You don't say.
Pat: I've heard that she actually goes to her opponent's house and tries to
knock them out before the contest.
Referee: [agreeing] That *is* a bit odd.
Pat: No kidding. Also, listen to her. [Kodachi cackles wickedly] Does a
mentally stable person laugh like that?
Referee: Good point. [to Kodachi] Excuse me, but you're disqualified.
Kodachi: WHAT?! What do you mean, disqualified?
Referee: The guy thinks you're nuts. Frankly, I agree. [takes her away,
ranting and raving all the while. He returns to announce the next match.]
Uh, due to a circumstances beyond our control, Kodachi Kuno will be unable to
compete in this contest. She expresses her deepest regrets...
Kodachi: [calling out] I'll get you for this, gaijin!
Referee: Well, anyway, the next match will be Pat Lee versus Tatewaki Kuno.
Pat: Oh, fun.
Kuno: [saunters into the ring with his bokken.] Prepare to meet your doom,
gaijin.
Beth: GET A REAL SWORD!!! [laughs]
Kuno: [backs off from the edge of the ring, then regains some of his compo-
sure.] I am going to enjoy this.
[The referee rings the bell and the match is on.]
Beth: [cheering] Come on, little brother! You can beat that wimp!
[The two of them circle the ring. Finally, Kuno charges Pat. Pat somersaults
over him, grabs on to his shoulders, and, landing, slams Kuno hard onto the
mat. Kuno almost immediately gets up.]
Kuno: [amused] Was that supposed to hurt?
Pat: No, *this* is! [kicks Kuno first in the gut, then in the chest, and
finally in the face. Pat then finishes up with his usual roundhouse kick. All
of this occurs within a second's time. Kuno is down and out.]
Referee: The next opponent will be Ukyo Kuonji. [Ukyo climbs in the ring, a
bit unsteadily.]
Pat: [to Ukyo] Hey, are you sure you're up to this?
Ukyo: [fuming] I'm *fine*.
[The match begins. Ukyo starts off with throwing a half-dozen of her mini-
spatulas. Pat has no way of dodging, so...]
Pat: DRAGON'S SCALE SHIELD! [the ki-shield coalesces just in time to repel
the projectiles. He drops it and continues to maintain his distance. Ukyo
then takes out her huge spatula in an attempt to squish him.] Wa ha hooo!
[he dodges several "swats" and eventually grabs it out of her hands.] Why the
heck do you need this? [tosses it out of the ring.]
Ukyo: [takes out an okonomiyaki stand, seemingly from nowhere] Shut up and
fight.
Pat: Where does she get this stuff? [dodges for dear life several swipes.
Eventually, tired of dodging, he grabs her and tosses her out of the ring.]
Gomen nasai.
Ukyo: WAAUUUGGHHH! OOF! [lands in an empty seat. Puzzled, she gets up to
find a piece of paper on it. It reads, "RESERVED BY PAT LEE FOR UKYO KUONJI."]
Why that little---! [crumples the paper]
Referee: The next opponent will be Akane Tendo. [there is a thunderous roar
from the crowd, particularly the male half.]
Pat: [to Akane] You know, I *really* don't want to fight you.
Akane: Well, it's too late to back out now.
[The referee begins the match.]
Pat: By the way, have you thought about what I told you last night?
Akane: This isn't the time or place for that!
[As the match goes on, it becomes apparent to the audience that Pat is very
reluctant to fight Akane. He's constantly on the defensive and launches no
counterattacks. At the end of the three rounds, there is no decisive winner,
so the referee tosses a coin.]
Referee: Call it.
Pat: Heads. [It ends up heads, making Pat the winner by decision. He says,
sarcastically] Oh yeah, I feel really great now.
Akane: [glaring at Pat] You were holding back, weren't you? Why? Is it
because I'm a girl?
Pat: No, it's because I don't want to knock out a friend.
Referee: The next match will be Mousse versus Pat Lee. [Mousse enters the
ring, almost tripping over the ropes.]
Pat: [begins to get nervous] Aheh. [in Chinese] <Hi, Mousse. How's the
nose?>
Mousse: <It'll be just fine, after you're dead.>
Pat: Oboy. [remembers something and goes to Ranma] By the way, what kind of
martial art does Mousse practice?
Ranma: He's a hidden weapons expert.
Pat: [crestfallen] Great. Just what I need.
[The match begins with Mousse throwing a chain. Pat dodges it, but several
more come his way. Pat manages to (barely) keep dodging it until the round
ends.]
Pat: [to the referee] Is it illegal to carry a concealed weapon in this
match?
Referee: Normally, yes. In this case, however, no.
[The second round begins. Pat is much more offensive than in the last round.
He makes his way towards Mousse and attempts what appears to be a leg trip.
Mousse dodges it by jumping up. However, Pat's leg snaps back and upwards,
catching Mousse in the gut as the latter begins to descend. Getting up, Pat
waits for Mousse to do the same. He does, and Pat gives him a open handed
punch to the heart. Mousse staggers back towards one of the posts.]
Pat: SPINNING HURRICANE KICK!
[Cornered and dazed, Mousse takes three hits to the face. He collapses, only
to stagger back up. By this time, Pat has landed from his hurricane kick
next to Mousse. Pat grabs him by the nose.]
Mousse: <YEOW!! THAT HURTS!>
Pat: <That's the general idea.> [gives him a noogie] Woo woo woo woo woo
woo! [lets go of his nose and smacks him around the face] Nyuk nyuk nyuk
nyuk! [prepares to put Mousse out of his misery, but then steps back. It's
obvious to everyone that Mousse is barely standing. Instead of a grand finish,
Pat barely taps his opponent, who promptly collapses.]
Referee: The next opponent will be Shampoo.
Pat: [aghast] Shampoo? [she enters the ring, carrying her maces] I'm dead.
[The match starts. It becomes very evident that Shampoo is much more ruthless
than Pat's other opponents. She's out to win, and Pat can barely block or
dodge her attacks.]
Shampoo: <I thought you'd be more challenging. You're not much better than
Mousse!>
Pat: <Hey, at least I'm not blind like him!> Whoa! [dodges another mace
thrust] <What're you trying to do, kill me?>
Shampoo: [grins evilly] <Why not? After all, I *don't* want to marry you.>
Pat: [to himself] Oh yeah, that's really encouraging.
[As the match continues, Pat is almost totally outmatched. Shampoo puts him on
the defensive and doesn't let up. She trips him and he falls down, receiving
a glancing blow from one of her maces in the process. Shampoo, eager for the
kill, jumps up really high, pointing the end of one of her maces towards Pat
as she descends. Pat, dazed, looks up just in time to see Shampoo coming
down. He gets an idea. Trying to get up, he waits until the last possible
instant before impact. About a foot before her mace would have made Pat's
face a memory, he rolls out of the way. The impact results in a considerable
10-foot diameter crater, ripping through the center of the ring in the
process. After a few seconds, Shampoo rises out of the crater somewhat
unsteadily, and minus one mace. Pat sees his chance. Running towards her,
he lets her have it with a spin kick. Shampoo, already having put most of her
effort in trying to squish Pat, takes it full on the face. Pat then grabs her
and tosses her out of the ring, next to Ukyo.]
Pat: [lets out a long breath] I *don't* want to go through that again.
Referee: Uh, there will be a short delay as we repair the ring.
[Five minutes later, the ring has a new floor and the referee announces the
next opponent: Ryoga Hibiki.]
Pat: [tiredly] What did I do to deserve this? [wipes his forehead] At this
rate, I'm not going to last long.
Ryoga: [practically growling] Pat...
Pat: Oboy. [to Ryoga] Why do you want to fight me? After all, I *did* save
your bac---[to himself] I'd better rephrase that. [to Ryoga] I *did* help
you out a few times!
Ryoga: Why? Because you're an arrogant, meddling, know-it-all, that's why!
Pat: [taken aback] What?
Ryoga: You're also blind and obnoxious!
Pat: [trying to keep Ryoga calm] No, Mousse is blind.
[The match begins with Ryoga constantly pressing the attack. Pat dodges
amazingly well, considering he's survived a match with Shampoo. However,
he doesn't take the offensive. In fact, due to his worn out state, one of
Ryoga's ki-punches catches Pat in the left knee, complete with a sickening
crunching sound.]
Pat: AAGGHH!! [nearly collapses, but then shifts his weight.]
Ryoga: Heh. [notices that Pat *still* won't take the offensive.] Fight,
dammit!
Pat: [hobbles] No. And you can call me whatever you want. I still won't
fight you.
Beth: [crying out from the audience] Hey, Ryoga!
Ryoga: [looks over in her direction] Wha?
Beth: Oink oink oink!
Ryoga: [starts to get frustrated, then gets an idea] So, she's your sister,
huh?
Pat: Yeah, what about it? [to himself] Ow...this really hurts! The thing's
probably dislocated.
Ryoga: Then I ought to feel sorry for you. If *she's* any indicator of what
the rest of your family is like---
Pat: [tenses up a bit] What about my family?
Ryoga: [condescending] Oh, nothing...unless you like being a bunch of
pathetic losers!
Pat: [slowly, trying not to get angry] What did you say about my family?
Ryoga: What, are you deaf now? [yells] I said they're a bunch of losers!
Pat: [has just reached critical mass] That does it. You sonova---
Ryoga: [notices that Pat's hands have just started glowing blue.] What the--?
Pat: ROARING LION BULLET! [a ki-bolt blasts from his hands. It's Ryoga's
turn to dodge as he barely avoids the blast.]
Ryoga: [shocked] How--?
Pat: ROARING LION BULLET!
[This time, the ki-bolt knocks Ryoga against one of the ring supports. He
recovers, trying to muster up a ki-bolt of his own.]
Ryoga: ROARING LION BULLET!
Pat: DRAGON'S SCALE SHIELD!
[Once again, the shield coalesces in time to deflect the projectile. Pat
slowly limps towards Ryoga, the shield in front of him.]
Ryoga: ROARING LION BULLET! [the ki-bolt is deflected] ROARING LION BULLET!
[musters up a *huge* energy blast, but again, the bolt is deflected.]
Pat: [by this time has reached Ryoga. Seeing that Ryoga is tired from his
efforts, he drops the ki-shield. He says, slowly] Finished? I'm not. Not
by a long shot.
[Ryoga tries to drop kick Pat, but the latter simply dodges him. For every
punch or kick he attempts, Pat blocks or dodges it, getting in a hit in the
gut, face, or chest every time. Pat grabs Ryoga's umbrella and tosses it
away. He then jumps over Ryoga, grabbing his shoulders, and slams him down
onto the mat. Ryoga staggers up.]
Pat: RISING DRAGON FIST! [performs a ki-reinforced jumping uppercut. It
catches Ryoga in the gut and lifts him high into the air. Pat lands on his
bad leg.] AAGH! [Ryoga, however, has a somewhat longer journey to the ground.
He lands, rather inelegantly, on the mat. He staggers up, ready to fall back
at any moment.] Oohhh no. You're not getting away that easily. [grabs Ryoga
by the shirt front.] Woo woo woo woo woo woo! Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk! Oh, a
wise guy, huh? [slaps Ryoga around several times in the face, followed by a
few knocks to his head. Pat then proceeds to tweak Ryoga's nose *hard*,
accompanied by a noogie. Finally comes the coup de grace; Pat grabs his adver-
sary's cheeks (one with each hand) and vigorously pulls them in and out,
creating an intriguing suction sound. He finally lets Ryoga collapse back on
the mat, having utterly humiliated him.] NEVER make fun of my family. [some
students help drag Ryoga off the mat.]
Referee: The final opponent will be Ranma Saotome.
Ranma: [having witnessed Ryoga's utter defeat] Swell. [enters the ring]
Pat: [hobbling pretty badly, says to himself] I'm not going to win this one.
Ranma: Hey, are you going to fight like that? That leg looks pretty bad.
Pat: Oh, don't worry. It only hurts when I move. [to himself] Or laugh.
Or smile. Or breathe.
[The final match begins. Neither opponent can get an edge on the other. This
goes on for the first two rounds. In the third round, however, things are
considerably different.]
Ranma: [to himself] I've gotta put this guy away. Sorry, Pat.
[Pat tries, unsuccessfully, to get a hit in. Ranma is preparing to blow him
away.]
Pat: [to himself] This guy's really good. Too bad I have to knock him out.
I don't think he'll be so cooperative as to let me throw him out.
Ranma: [to himself as he blocks Pat's blows] Bye bye, Pat. [aloud] FLYING
ASCENSION DRAGON DEFEAT! [throws his cool punch just as...]
Pat: RISING DRAGON FIST! [Pat throws his ki-reinforced jumping uppercut.]
[The two special maneuvers collide. Both of them are thrown back into their
respective corners. Pat was thrown back by the whirlwind force of Ranma's
Dragon Spiral. However, the former got a good hit in before he was blown
away, knocking Ranma into a post. The bell rings, and the final round is
over.]
Student1: What happened?
Student2: I dunno. How're they going to call that? Both are knocked out.
Student1: No, wait a minute! [points to where Pat is] He's trying to get
up.
Student2: [points to Ranma] So's Ranma!
Principal: [notices what's going on] Whoever gets up first is the winner!
[Predictably, both of them get up at the same time.]
Referee: I'll have to toss a coin. [searches his pockets] Uh, does anyone
happen to have one?
Pat: Here you go. [tosses a quarter]
Referee: Thanks. [checks to make sure it isn't "fixed," then tosses it.]
Call it.
Pat: Tails.
[At thaat time, Pat's leg gives out. Ranma catches him before Pat falls.]
Referee: Heads! Ranma's the winner! [picks up the quarter and tosses it to
Pat] Thanks.
Pat: Good job, Ranma.
[Ranma is grudgingly presented a trophy by the Principal. Pat is doing every-
thing he can to keep from screaming in pain.]
Pat: [through gritted teeth] Uh, I hate to break up the festivities like
this, but could someone get me to a doctor?
[cut to 10 minutes later. Pat, wearing his backpack, is being helped to Tofu-
sensei's clinic. He's being supported by Beth (AAHH!). Ranma, at Akane's
insistence, is literally dragging Ryoga along.]
Akane: Ranma, don't you want to pick up Ryoga?
Ranma: [looks bored] Why?
[They enter the clinic. Tofu-sensei examines both Pat and Ryoga.]
Tofu: Well, it looks like the knee's dislocated right about here [barely
touches Pat's knee.]
Pat: [in a *lot* of pain] GYEE!
Tofu: Sorry. Anyway, all I have to do is pop it back into place.
Pat: [wary] Pop it back into place?
Beth: [whispers to Akane] Are you sure he's good?
Akane: [whispers back] He's a great doctor. Took care of me when I was
younger.
Tofu: Well, here goes...[places his hands on Pat's leg. However, fate, feel-
ing particularly sadistic towards Pat today, intervenes in the form of Kasumi
opening the door of the clinic. She's carrying a basket.]
Kasumi: Hello.
Tofu: [glasses steam up and a sickening SNAP! is heard as he bends Pat's leg
up ninety degrees---towards the ceiling.] K-Kasumi...
[Pat is trying not to scream. He's in so much pain, he's pounding on a wall
of the clinic, making a nice hole in the process.]
Beth: Uh, Doc? What're you doing with my brother?
Kasumi: [to Pat] Are you all right?
Pat: [hoarse whisper] Just fine. Don't mind me. [stops pounding on the
wall]
Tofu: Uh, wh-wh-what are you doing here?
Kasumi: [cheerfully] Oh, I just came over for a visit. I brought you some-
thing. [gives him the basket]
Tofu: [puts it on his head] Oh, a new hat!
Kasumi: [smiles] It's inside.
Tofu: [takes it off his head and looks inside] Oh, cookies! Thank you!
[takes one out and proceeds to shove it in Pat's mouth.] Here you go, Ranma!
Pat: [mumbling] Urm Peht! [translation: I'm Pat!]
Beth: Don't talk with your mouth full, Pat.
Pat: [mumbling] Gurmee uh brk wullyuh! [translation: Gimme a break, will
ya!] [swallows the cookie] Whew, that's better.
Beth: [to Tofu-sensei] Uh, Doc, about my brother's leg...
Tofu: Oh, silly me. Here you go. [CRACK! Tofu-sensei straightens out Pat's
leg. (This is pretty amazing considering his present state of mind.)]
Pat: [winces, then tentatively flexes his leg] A little sore, but it works.
Ranma: [whispers to Pat] Time to get out of the line of fire. [exits with
Pat following him, limping slightly. Beth tags along.]
[Outside, the three of them start to discuss Tofu-sensei's behavior.]
Pat: What is it with that guy? He just went crazy the moment he saw Kasumi.
Ranma: He's always like that. I would've told you sooner, but I didn't think
you'd get hurt. You seemed practically invunerable.
Pat: [shakes his head] No way am I invulnerable. Otherwise...[gestures to
his knee]
Ranma: Yeah, I get the point.
Beth: So, Pat. How could you let a guy like that hurt you?
Pat: This stuff isn't as easy as it looks. That guy was about to *kill* me!
Doesn't that mean anything to you?
Beth: Sure it does. [smirks] It means I wouldn't have anyone to pick on.
[he rubs his temples and grumbles.] Anyway, I have some bad news.
Pat: What? You couldn't find amy more pictures of naked ladies around?
Beth: [malicious smile] There are plenty of those around, Pat. No, I'm
leaving for home tomorrow night. [Pat looks skyward and mouths out "thank
you"] Don't be so eager, little brother. *You're* headed home the next day,
remember?
Pat: [mood goes downhill] Oh. Yeah. [Akane and Kasumi exit the clinic.]
So, how's Ryoga?
Akane: Tofu-sensei's still examining him. [they suddenly hear a bloodcurdling
scream from the clinic]
Tofu: [from the clinic] Oh, come on, Pat! How am I supposed to set your leg
when you keep squirming around like that?
Pat: I'd better get him out of there.
Ranma: Why? It's not like Tofu-sensei's going to kill him or anything.
[Everyone except Kasumi flinches at yet another of Ryoga's screams.]
Tofu: Relax! I know what I'm doing. [various crunching sounds are heard]
Pat: I'm definitely going in there. [about to go in, but Beth stops him.]
What?
Beth: Hang on. [CRACK CRACK SNAP CRUNCH!] Okay, *now* go ahead.
Pat: You are sick, sis.
Beth: [beams a smile] I know.
[Pat goes back inside the clinic. He finds Ryoga bent at very odd angles,
struggling to move. Tofu-sensei is dancing with his skeleton. Pat drags
Ryoga out of the clinic.]
Pat: [calling out to Tofu-sensei] We'll be back in a while. [muttering to
himself] *Nobody* deserves this bone-crunching.
[cut to later, after dinner. Pat is sitting on the porch when Akane approaches
him.]
Akane: Pat?
Pat: [sits down] Yes?
Akane: About what you offered me and my sisters...[pauses]
Pat: Go ahead.
Akane: Thanks, but no thanks.
Pat: Okay. But, you know, I *have* to go back. Otherwise, you won't remem-
ber me, and everything'll be messed up.
Akane: [sighs] It's just that...it's taken me a long time to get over Mom
dying. If I do what you're asking me to do, I...
Pat: I understand. Guess it *was* pretty stupid of me to even think of it.
After all, I don't know what you went through.
Akane:.....
[Ryoga approaches them, rather stiffly.]
Ryoga: Akane-san, will you please excuse us?
Akane: [gets up] Sure.
Pat: [doesn't bother to look up] I believe you owe me an apology...and a
debt. It's the least you owe me for what you did.
Ryoga: [with great difficulty] I...wanted to thank you for straightening my
bones out.
Pat: [raises an eyebrow] And?
Ryoga: I am in your debt for...you not telling Akane.
Pat: [gets up and looks him straight in the eye] No. You owe me a lot more.
Ryoga: How's that?
Pat: [impatiently] An apology...
Ryoga: For what?
Pat: For starters...[points to his knee]
Ryoga: [incredulous] You *can't* be serious. I would rather...
Pat: What? Die?
Ryoga: .....
Pat: [crosses his arms] I'm waiting. [still no answer from Ryoga] Okay,
here's the deal. [uncrosses his arms and points a finger at Ryoga] If you
act civil towards me and Ranma for the duration of my visit, and cooperate with
an...unusual request of mine, I will consider the matter closed.
Ryoga: [outraged] What!!?? Act civil towards that...
Pat: That's all you have to do. What, you can't act civil to Ranma for two
days? What's the matter? You *want* to be in debt to me forever?
Ryoga: [grumbling] All right. What's the request?
Pat: I need to borrow your umbrella tomorrow.
Ryoga: Why?
Pat: You'll see.
[cut to much later. As usual, Pat is writing home to Phil.]
Phil: [voice-over] Dear Phil. I have some good news and some bad news.
Okay, bad news first Beth is going home tomorrow night (aahh! :-)) Also, in
that martial arts contest, I kind of got my knee dislocated. I'm all right
though. The local chiropractor managed to fix it up, but not before screwing
it up. I'll tell you all about it a little later. I lost the contest, by
the way. There was a pretty strange rule change. The person who could beat
me up was declared the winner. I wonder what happened to make the Principal
change his mind. As for the good news, I managed to hold out until the last
guy (not much in the way of good news, I know.). I wonder...[gets an idea]
Talk to you later, Pat. [gets up and heads towards Nabiki's room and knocks
on the door.]
Nabiki: Who is it?
Pat: It's me. We need to talk.
Nabiki: Now?
Pat: Yes, now. [she opens the door] I'd like to know something.
Nabiki: What?
Pat: What do you suppose made the Principal change the rules like that? It's
almost like he had something personal against me.
Nabiki: Well, there *was* that note on his back.
Pat: [suspicious] How'd you know about that?
Nabiki: He was skating around with...
Pat: No, how'd you know that it was me? The only people that were around
were Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, and me. I don't think any of them would ruin the
surprise.
Nabiki: I could tell it was you by your handwriting.
Pat: [disappointed] Uh huh.
Nabiki: What?
Pat: Why'd you sell me out?
Nabiki: What makes you think it was me?
Pat: Well, earlier today, you went to the Principal's office. I know that
you cover your tracks well enough so that you usually don't go there. Also,
you happen to have a long history of selling out to people.
Nabiki: Who says?
Pat: [counting on his fingers] Ranma, Akane, your father, Mr. Saotome...
Nabiki: Okay, so I maybe told him about you. What about it?
Pat: What about it? Nabiki, we've been writing to each other for the last
five years! I'd think that there was some kind of trust between us.
Nabiki: Hey, if I can sell out my family, I can sell out my friends.
Pat: I noticed that you don't have too many of those.
Nabiki: Wha?
Pat: In fact, I haven't seen anyone talk to you at school for anything other
than begging you not to blackmail them. Money doesn't buy everything, you
know.
Nabiki: No, but it does make someone really comfortable.
Pat: For what? A life of loneliness? A life without friends?
Nabiki: Who needs friends?
Pat: Everybody. You know, I'm not really surprised that you sold me out. In
fact, I expected it.
Nabiki: You did?
Pat: Yup. I also know that, past that scheming and conniving exterior,
you're a nice girl. Why do you think I wrote to you so often?
Nabiki:.....
Pat: It's just too bad that you think money solves all your problems. Good
night, Nabiki. [leaves]
Nabiki: [thinks over what Pat's just said] Damn him! I hate it when he's
right.
[The next day, Pat and Beth are about to put their plan into motion. The two
of them go up to Happosai's room. Pat knocks on the door.]
Pat: Master Happosai?
Happosai: [from inside] Yeeessss?
Beth: [whispering] Why are you calling him "master?"
Pat: [whispering back] You don't make friends by calling them a pervert.
[to Happosai] May I come in? I need to borrow something.
Happosai: [opens the door.] Borrow something? Like what? [notices Beth and
starts gaping at her]
Beth: [to herself] I hate this guy already.
Pat: [clears his throat] I need to borrow the nanban mirror.
Happosai: [stops his drooling] What?
Pat: I'm prepared to give you these. [takes out a *huge* stack of what appear
to be girlie magazines] Also, you get a nice leisure suit out of it. [Beth
gives him a bundle of clothes.]
Happosai: Gimme! [jumps up and down, reaching for the magazines]
Pat: [slightly impatient] The mirror...
Happosai: Oh, all right! [goes back into his room. He returns with the nan-
ban mirror.] Here!
Pat: Thank you.
Beth: Hey, why don't you try out that suit?
Happosai: Now?
Pat: [fumbling] It, uh, it'll...
Beth: It'll get girls' attentions!
Happosai: [puts it on over his clothes.] Not a bad fit. Although, white
isn't really my color.
Pat: Oh, how careless of me. Look, sis, a loose button.
Beth: And a loose belt hoop. What shoddy work. [tries very hard not to
giggle in anticipation of what'll happen next] Here, let me pull it out! [she
does, and the pants start inflating. Pat does the same for the suit top.]
Happosai: WHAT THE--?! [the end result of the dual inflations is that he
looks very much like a large golf ball. His head, feet, and hands are protru-
ding from the "suit" so that he can't move.]
Pat: [tapes on the headphones to the pervert's head and turns on the volume
setting to WHOA! BOY ARE YOU DEAF!] Here, have some music! [dribbles Happosai
down the stairs, totally disorienting him. Beth starts chuckling maliciously.]
Happosai: WAAUUUGGHH! [he can't even reach the headphones because of the
inflated suit.]
Pat: How about we go outside? [dribbles Happosai onto the porch. He finally
stops and places the dizzy pervert on the grass. Ryoga is waiting outside.]
Ryoga, your umbrella, please? [he hands it to Pat. Beth comes outside.] Is
everybody ready?
Beth: Let him have it, Pat!
Pat: [takes off the headphones and yells:] FOOORRRREEE!
Happosai: [small voice] Fore?
[Pat swings the umbrella like a golf club. He hits Happosai into the sun.]
Pat: [to Ryoga] Scratch one part of your debt.
Beth: You owe something to him?
Ryoga: No, just the opposite. [to Pat] My umbrella?
Pat: [hands it to him] Oh, here you go. [takes out the mirror and an onion.]
And now...
Ryoga: Wait! Where are you going?
Pat: Oh, nowhere special. I'll be back in a few minutes. [rubs his eye on
the onion. A tear falls on the mirror.] Take me back five years ago, Septem-
ber 15, to this very porch. [A flash of light temporarily blinds all present.
When it fades, Pat is gone.]
Beth: Nice exit.
[Scene: September 15, five years ago. Pat appears on the same porch, holding
the nanban mirror. It appears that it's sometime in the afternoon.]
Pat: Whoa! What a ride! [shakes his head and puts the mirror inside his
jacket. He says, to himself:] Well, I'm here. What am I supposed to do now?
What time is it? [looks around to see someone in both the house and the dojo.]
No time like the present to ask. [knocks on the door. An older woman answers
it. She has a very kind face, reminiscent of the three sisters.]
Woman: Yes?
Pat: Are you Mrs. Tendo?
Mrs. Tendo: Yes. Why?
Pat: [tries to think of something to say. Nothing comes to mind.] Uh,
well... I was just... I mean, I...
Mrs. Tendo: Is something wrong?
Pat: No. It's just that...I came all this way and I can't think of anything
to say.
Mrs. Tendo: [concerned] Are you lost?
Pat: No, I'm...[looks around] I'm where I want to be, ma'am. [to himself]
I'm getting nowhere fast. She probably thinks I'm some sort of weirdo. [to
Mrs. Tendo] So, how're your daughters?
Mrs. Tendo: They're fine. [concerned] Why? Is something wrong with one of
them?
Pat: No, the three of them are just fine.
Mrs. Tendo: How do you know I have three daughters? [puzzled] Have we met
before?
Pat: [shakes his head] No, but I've heard a lot about you. Uh, could I
please come inside? I've got a long story to tell.
Mrs. Tendo: [hesitantly] All right. [He enters the house. Not much will
change in the next five years. He habitually sits down in the parlor. She
finds this somewhat odd.] So, what's your name?
Pat: It's Pat. [pauses] Now, this is going to sound absolutely crazy, but
it's all the truth. [takes a deep breath to prepare himself] Has your husband
ever told you about his training with Happosai?
Mrs. Tendo: No. Well, bits and pieces, really. He doesn't want to remember
those days. Why?
Pat: Well, [takes out the mirror] I got this from him.
Mrs. Tendo: How? Soun tells me that he and a friend of his sealed him up in
a cave!
Pat: Mr. Saotome, right?
Mrs. Tendo: How--?
Pat: [continuing] And he has a son named Ranma who's about Akane's age, and
a wife named Nodoka, right? And, your husband and Mr. Saotome promised to have
one of your daughters and his son married.
Mrs. Tendo: How do you know all this?
Pat: [lets out a long breath] I'm from the future. Five years, to be
precise. I was...staying with your family there.
Mrs. Tendo: Why are you here? How did you get here, assuming you're telling
the truth?
Pat: [holds up the mirror] This lets whoever holds it to travel wherever and
whenever he or she desires. As for why, well, [pauses] I guess it's to let
you know that everthing's going to turn out all right.
Mrs. Tendo: Does something happen to me?
Pat: I can't tell you. I'd like to, but I can't. [gets up to leave] I
think I've taken up enough of your time. Thank you, for everything.
Mrs. Tendo: Wait. [Pat stops in his tracks] How are my daughters? In the
future, I mean.
Pat: [turns to face her] Well, Akane is very strong. She says that she still
hates boys, but I think that she really likes her fiance. Nabiki, she's smart
and never gets into any trouble. As for Kasumi, well, she's very calm and
peaceful. [notices the time] Don't they usually come home now?
Mrs. Tendo: Yes.
Pat: [grabs the mirror and puts it back under his jacket] I have to go. It's
important. [looks back] Goodbye, Mrs. Tendo. [goes out on the porch. Sure
enough, all three sisters are walking home. He sits down and calls out to
them.] Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane! How do you do?
[They approach Pat cautiously. Akane has a bandage on her cheek, presumably
from a fight.]
Kasumi: Do we know you?
Pat: [shakes his head] Not yet.
Akane: Who are you?
Pat: Does it matter?
Akane: Well, yes.
Pat: It's not really important.
Nabiki: Why are you on the porch?
Pat: I just wanted to sit down for a few minutes. [notices Akane's bandage]
Another fight, Akane? [amused] Pretty soon, the boys won't want to be near
you.
Akane: Good, because I hate boys!
Pat: [chuckles at this. Some things remain the same. He gestures to an empty
spot next to him.] Would you care to sit down? It's a really nice day. It'd
be a shame to waste it. [They reluctantly sit down a respectable distance
away from him.] Look around. [gestures to the neighborhood] What do you see?
Akane: [looks around] Nothing. Nothing's going on.
Pat: Exactly. It's quiet. Peaceful. [sighs] This is a nice neighborhood
you live in.
Nabiki: Oh, it's okay.
Pat: Yeah, I guess you're right. [gets up and limps a bit]
Kasumi: Are you all right?
Pat: [smiles] Never better. [realizes something] Oh, Akane?
Akane: Yes?
Pat: Did you happen to get pen pal letters today?
Akane: Oh, right! [suspiciously] How did you know?
Pat: Oh, I happen to have had a little experience with pen pals.
Akane: [takes off her backpack and digs a letter out of it. She gives the
letter to Nabiki.] Here you go. I don't want to write to some stupid boy.
Pat: [ironic] You never know, Akane. Maybe someday, that "stupid boy" might
visit this place.
Akane: [shakes her head] Not if I don't write to him.
Pat: [to Nabiki] You mind if I see that, please? [she gives him the letter.
Sure enough, it's his first pen pal letter.] Oh, he won't be so bad once you
get to know him. [hands the letter back to Nabiki] Thanks. I've got to go.
[to Kasumi] Take care of these two, all right? [heads out of sight, limping
slightly. He takes out the nanban mirror and an onion. Rubbing the onion in
his eye, he lets a tear fall on the mirror.] Take me back to this spot, five
years from now. [He vanishes in a bright flash of light.]
[cut to the present, just after Pat has disappeared. Beth is looking rather
bored at the moment, considering exactly what to say to Ryoga to make him
crazy. However, Pat reappears directly behind her in a blinding flash of
light. She turns around, unfazed.]
Beth: So, how'd it go?
Pat: [shrugs] The universe didn't end, so I must've done something right.
Ryoga: Where *were* you?
Pat: Oh, here and there. Mostly here.
Ryoga: [confused] Huh?
Beth: [notices what looks like a bamboo sword near the kitchen.] Hey, what's
that?
Pat: Looks like a bamboo sword to me, sis.
Beth: [goes inside and picks it up. She grins evilly.] I wonder if this
would hurt?
[Just then, Kuno, complete with red rose bouquet. He looks rather bruised up
due to Friday's match.]
Pat: So, what's with the roses?
Kuno: Nothing you would understand, gaijin. I merely came to declare my love
for Akane...[notices Beth with the bamboo sword, a malicious gleam in her
eye.] ERK! Gaijin, if you have any respect for me, any at all, you will not
allow her to come near me.
Pat: [notices that Beth is eagerly creeping up to Kuno, itching to try out her
new toy. He keeps her away from Kuno.] Easy now, sis. Take it easy!
Beth: Lemme at him! Just one hit. [slowly] One BIG hit.
Pat: Hey, wait a minute here. [to Kuno] Why should I help you? Ever since
I arrived here, you said you were going to kill me! And now, you expect me to
keep my sister away from you? HELL NO! [to Beth] Sic him!
[He releases her, and Kuno bolts off with Beth in close pursuit. She gets in
quite a few hits to several, uh, tender spots on his body. Akane comes out-
side, looking for something.]
Akane: Has anyone seen my spare bamboo sword?
Pat: Yeah. Beth borrowed it to get rid of some, uh, pests.
Kuno: KYAAAAA!! GET AWAY FROM ME!
Beth: Stand still! How am I supposed to hit you if you keep dodging like
that?
Akane: Oh. [changes the subject] Well, how did it go?
Pat: It went all right. Your mother was a very nice lady. [mischievious
smile] Oh, by the way...
Akane: What?
Pat: Don't call me a "stupid boy."
Akane: [blushes as she remembers what she said.] Oh. Well, I...
Pat: S'right. I'm just kidding around with you. You know, it really was
quieter back then.
[Just then, Happosai finally comes down. He bounces several times before
finally rolling to a stop.]
Happosai: WAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH! OOF!
Pat: So, how'd you like your tour of the atmosphere?
Happosai: When I get my hands on you, I'll...
Beth: [has stopped chasing Kuno with the sword. She notices that Happosai is
now on terra firma.] Oh, shut up, you dirty old man. [tosses him a girlie
magazine. He starts drooling over what he can see.]
[They go inside. Pat heads up to Nabiki's room and knocks on the door.]
Pat: Nabiki? It's me.
Nabiki: Go away.
Pat: No, listen to me. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. [no response] Dam-
mit! We've always been able to talk to each other before. Why not now?
Nabiki: [opens the door] This had better be good.
Pat: I...just came to apologize about what I said last night. I had no right
to say that to you. How you live your life is your decision.
Nabiki: No, you were right. I don't have that many friends. And...I guess
I'd count you as probably my best friend.
Pat: Yeah, same here. I guess I was a little ticked off because you actually
sold me out.
Nabiki: What? You were expecting me to be totally honest?
Pat: [shakes his head and smiles] Nah. Too much to hope for.
Nabiki: Yeah, I guess it is.
Pat: [pauses] I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving tomorrow. I...
Nabiki: What, you wanted to make peace with me before you left?
Pat: Yeah, something like that. [extends his hand] Friends?
Nabiki: [takes his hand and shakes it.] Always. And if you tell anybody
about this...
Pat: Hey, we've been writing to each other for five years. You should know
me at least as well as I know you.
Nabiki: Good point. [releases the handshake]
Beth: [calling from downstairs] Hey, Pat! How about a game of "pervertball?"
Pat: Be down in a minute! [to Nabiki] Thanks.
Nabiki: For what?
Pat: The last five years of my life. Especially the last two weeks.
Nabiki: Well, I should really thank that weird guy on our porch.
Pat: You wanna know something?
Nabiki: What?
Pat: That was me.
Nabiki: [shocked] What? How?
Pat: It's a long story.
Nabiki: I've got time.
Pat: I'll tell you on the way downstairs. Beth and I are going to play a game
of "pervertball."
Nabiki: Really? What're the rules?
Pat: With her, you never know.
[Later, Pat is walking towards the Nekohanten. He's about to settle something
with Shampoo. He enters the restaurant.]
Pat: <Hello?> [looks around] <Is anyone here?> [walks around the place to
find Shampoo sweeping up.]
Shampoo: [glaring at him] <*You*. What do you want?> [takes out one of her
maces.] <Are you here to gloat?>
Pat: [holds out his hands in front of him] <Whoa! I didn't come here for
that! I wanted to settle something with you.>
Shampoo: [tentatively puts down the mace] <What?>
Pat: <It's about the contest.>
Shampoo: <You want me to marry you? Is that it?>
Pat: <No. Now, don't get me wrong, you're very attractive. However, I
*don't* want to be settled down at 16.>
Shampoo: <But you defeated me! By the rules of my tribe...>
Pat: <Yes, yes, yes, I know. If you don't mind me saying so, you technically
defeated yourself.>
Shampoo: [fuming] <What?!>
Pat: <Well, you pretty much exhausted yourself in that dive. So, I really
didn't defeat you. Also, I'm technically not an outsider, so the rules don't
really apply to me. Besides, who's to define a person as an outsider? I'd
think that it'd be your discretion.>
Shampoo: <That's really lame, you know that?>
Pat: [shrugs] <Maybe so, but do you *really* want to follow the rules? From
what I can tell, you like Ranma a lot better than me or Mousse.>
Shampoo: <You've got a point there. So, we're agreed. The contest doesn't
count for anything, right?>
Pat: <Right. Besides, I lost, remember?>
[Next stop, the Ucchan. Pat cautiously enters, expecting to be hit with an
okonomiyaki stand. Sure enough, an okonomiyaki stand whishes by, just
barely missing him.]
Pat: [dodges] Waa!
Ukyo: What do you want? Did you come to brag?
Pat: No, I actually wanted to see how you were doing. After all, you did
take a few lungfuls of knockout gas.
Ukyo: Is that all? Well, I'm feeling fine, thank you very much. Now, get
out of my restaurant.
Pat: [holds up his finger] Let's get one thing straight here. I wasn't the
one who gassed you. *I* wasn't the one who changed the rules. *I* didn't
want to fight you in the first place! Frankly, if it were up to me, I'd
*never* fight you! Now, at least humor me so I can see if you're all right!
Ukyo: [very reluctantly gives him her arm. He takes her pulse.] So, what
kind of doctor did you say you wanted to be?
Pat: [looks at his watch] I didn't. But, for the record, I was hoping to go
into pediatrics.
Ukyo: Pediatrics, as in kids?
Pat: That's what it means. [releases her arm] Your pulse is normal. Have
you felt any dizziness or any difficulty thinking?
Ukyo: No.
Pat: Well, if you have any odd symptoms, you'd better...
Ukyo: Right, right, right. If I have kids, remind me never to take them to
you.
Pat: You probably wouldn't want to. I'd be in Illinois. [sighs] Listen,
what I'm trying to say is that I didn't want to throw you out of the ring like
that. I'm sorry.
Ukyo: You could have lost to me, you know.
Pat: [slight smile] What, and not try my best? [heads for the door] I won't
be seeing you later.
[cut to later, just before dinner at the house. Beth is leaving for home.]
Beth: [to everyone inside] Thanks for everything! [to Pat] I'll see *you*
later.
Pat: [less than enthused] Great. [Beth leaves the house.]
Akane: I kinda like her.
Pat: That's because you're not related to her. [goes into his room and powers
up his laptop. Voice-over] Dear Phil. This'll be short. I'm leaving for
home tomorrow. Japan's great, but I'd rather be back home. See ya soon!
[The next day, Pat is all packed and ready to go. He disconnects the laptop
from its accustomed spot and puts it in his backpack.]
Pat: [takes out a good bye card for the Tendo and Saotome family.] This was
fun, but, all good things must come to an end. [puts on his backpack and lifts
his suitcase. He heads for the front door. Both families are there waiting
for him.] Thanks for everything. [hands the card to Ranma and whispers to
him:] There's a garbled message on the back. The decoder's inside. [heads
to the taxi, where Ryoga's waiting.] Here, hang on to this, willya?
Ryoga: [takes the backpack and is bent over ninety degrees.] OOOF!
[Obviously, it's a lot heavier than what Ryoga's used to lifting. Pat puts his
suitcase in the taxi, then relieves Ryoga of his burden, hoisting it with one
hand.]
Pat: Thanks. [to everyone] I, uh, I'm not much on goodbyes, so what I have
to say is on the card. Sayonara. [bows formally, then gets in the taxi, which
drives off.]
[Ranma opens up the card and everyone looks inside. There is a piece of trans-
parent red plastic inside, which Ranma takes. They read the message inside.]
Pat: [voice over] Well, you're reading this, so I must be on my way home. I
just wanted to thank all of you for putting up with me. If I ever come around
this way again, I'll call first. By the way, I left a little message for Ranma
and Akane on the back. It's for their eyes only, so if you don't mind...
[Ranma turns over the card, then realizes that everybody's peering over his
shoulder.]
Ranma: Hey, do you mind? C'mon, Akane. [the two head to the dojo, where he
puts the piece of plastic over the garbled mess.]
Pat: [voice over] Whew, now that you two are alone (hopefully), I just wanted
to get something off my chest. I know that you two are crazy about each other.
It's just that you two can be so stubborn that you won't even admit it.
Personally, though, I think that the two of you look good together. Keep in
touch. Pat. [there is a phone number and address below]
P.S., Ranma, look under your futon for a surprise.
[Puzzled, Ranma and Akane head to his room and do just that. They find...]
Ranma: The nanban mirror!
Akane: And here's a note! [It reads: Use this before Happosai gets to it.]
[Just then, Happosai enters the room.]
Happosai: Hey, I've been looking for that! [grabs the mirror and runs off
with it.]
Ranma: Gimme that mirror, you leech!
[Zoom out of the house accompanied by the sounds of utter chaos.]
THE END
---------------------------WARNING! AUTHOR BABBLE!----------------------------
Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this fanfic. As usual, any comments regarding
this is welcome. My address is U59...@UICVM.UIC.EDU. PLEASE, don't send any
flames.
BTW, I'd like to thank my sister Betty for the character of Beth.
Frankly, Pat seemed a little too calm and perfect. So, I created Beth to
shake him up a bit. Remember, there's nothing more boring than a character
without any hang-ups or neuroses. And, there's nothing more irritating than
a character who has the answer to everything.
I'd also like to thank all of you who wrote to tell me how I was doing,
particularly Howard and Karl Rim. Their analyses helped considerably with the
progress of the story. In fact, it was Karl Rim's fanfic, "Kasumi's Story"
that got me started on the idea of writing this fanfic.
Last, but not least, I'd like to thank MegaZone for previewing my story.
It was he who read my story and gave his okay for it. He was a lot of help.
If you missed any parts of this story, FTP to WPI.WPI.EDU under the directory
pub/anime/FanFiction. The complete story will be under ranma.misadventures.Z.
Just remember to set it on binary, and that the file's in UNIX compressed form.
This has been an unpaid plug for the Worcester Polytechnic Institute File
Transfer Protocol Site. ;-)
Originally, I'd intended for Pat to be anybody, but as time went on, he
had more of my personality in him. He's what I'd be like if (1) I knew martial
arts, (2) I were four years younger, (3) I were more demanding, and (4) I had
the patience of a saint. Yes, I share the same taste (or lack thereof) in
clothes as he does.
Do you want to see Pat again? Write to me.
Subject: Pat Lee
Age: 16
Height: 5'6"
Pat Lee is a highly unusual person, to say the least. He adapts quickly to new
situations, and is incredibly patient with most people. He's stronger than
Ryoga, and very quick. However, he's only moderately agile. Upon his arrival
at Furinkan High School, he has shown that he is a very good martial artist,
although most of his victories seem to be based upon chance and surprise.
He becomes friends with Ranma and Akane, despite a rocky start. Having written
to Nabiki for about 5 years, he gets to know the routine of the Tendo household
quickly, even with its bizarre happenings. Pat values the truth very highly,
and can be somewhat abrasive in obtaining it. He is not nosy, however, and
takes the various news as it comes. The only thing that he really fears is his
older sister, Beth, who delights in embarassing him with various girlie photos.
He learned his martial arts skills from his older brother, Phil. Admittedly,
Pat has a slight case of "hero-worship" with Phil, as he writes to him often.
Although tough, Pat isn't invulnerable. He has been knocked unconscious by a
wooden mallet and flattened by a giant spatula. He appears to have incredible
yet inconsistent resiliency, probably due to the fact that he's still learning.
Special attacks:
Spinning hurricane kick: A series of spin kicks that hits an opponent
multiple times. He achieves a continuous clearance from the ground of about
a foot (no pun intended).
Nuke attack: An exploding energy surge that leaves a fifty-foot diameter
crater on the ground and a mushroom cloud in the air. This is his most power-
ful attack and leaves him almost totally drained after using it.
Dragon's scale shield: A defensive maneuver uses to protect himself from ki-
bolts and the like. It first coalesces into a glowing blue medieval shield
and then hardens until Pat wills it to disappear.
Roaring lion bullet: Ki-bolt technique taught by Ranma. It doesn't work until
Ryoga makes the big mistake of inciting Pat to fight.
Fierce tiger domineering: Another ki-bolt technique taught by Ranma. It won't
work because Pat has very little pride in himself.
Rising dragon fist: Jumping ki-reinforced uppercut. Anyone who's played
Street Fighter II knows what this is. Used against Ranma's Dragon Spiral
Punch, it could go either way. (a cop-out, yes, but I really don't know what
would happen.)
So, until BGC: Mainframe Marauder....
Bye!
All characters except Pat, Phil, and Beth Lee are created by Rumiko Taka-
hashi. This is a work of fiction, and should not be confused with what Taka-
hashi-sensei has already written. All rights reserved.
Copyright 1993.