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Daigakusei no Ranma - Episode 9 [Fanfic]

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Ranma Saotome

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Sep 19, 1994, 3:12:34 AM9/19/94

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Episode 9: "Roses Are Red, Kodachi Is Too"
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[Late evening at the Kunou Mansion. A cab appears in the driveway and is met at
the gates by a servant. Kodachi steps out humming an upbeat tune. She hands a
number of plants to the servant who follows her inside. Stepping into the den,
she spies Kunou through the ferns, kneeling on the floor pruning a bonsai
tree.]

Kodachi: [thinking] An attack bonsai tree. How amusing.

[Kodachi waves the servant off and addresses Kunou.]

Kodachi: I have returned, dear brother.

Kunou: [looks up] Ahh.. Kodachi. Welcome back. I trust your expedition was
successful?

Kodachi: [smiles] Very. Has anything happened while I've been away? How is
Ranma-sama?

Kunou: Saotome... has decided to attend Mizunoikan University.

Kodachi: [eyes sparkling] Oh, excellent! When did he decide to go to college?

Kunou: Right after his m... [pauses, thinking quickly] his students started
attending other dojos. [eyes fall on plants] More trees for the
arboreum? You do know, of course, that we are completely out of room.

[During this exchange the servant wobbles unsteadily as he tries to balance
all of the greenery he is carrying. His situation is exacerbated when one
particularily large plant starts to bite at his cheek. As the attack continues,
his balance becomes more precarious as he feebly tries to fight it off.]

Kodachi: [laughing] HA HA HA! You are so amusing, dear brother! It's quite
simple... we will have to move the study to make more room!

[The servant finally falls over and is buried in a miniature tropical
rainforest.]

Kodachi: Come, servant! We have much work to do! [leaves]

Kunou: [thinking] Next, she will want to move the dojo to feed her obsession
with plants.

[Kunou envisions a scene where Kodachi stands in a lab coat laughing maniacally
as vines crackle with life all around her. He sighs and resumes trimming his
tree.]

* * *

[Basement of the Kunou Mansion. Kodachi places the new flora in a series of
small containers along a long, thin hydroponic trough. At one end she carefully
observes the growth of a small clump of roots suspended in a purplish solution.
After making notes in a binder, she places a number of seeds from her pocket
into a box of deep red earth and waters them. She smiles and starts to draw in
the binder. Our view shifts to see what she is sketching: a picture of Ranma
seated on a giant leaf.]

* * *

[Morning at Maison Sabaku. Sounds of humming and singing can be heard from
within the bathroom in Room 4 as Akane showers. Ranma-chan, however, is asleep
on the futon. As Akane hits a particularly high note in the shower, Ranma-chan
stands up suddenly, eyes closed, and walks mechanically into a closet. Minutes
later, she emerges from the closet, tucking in her favorite red shirt. She then
grabs a towel, and heads toward the bathroom, automatically opening the door
before walking into it.]

Akane: [shivers] A draft? [turns around and notices Ranma] Ranma you HENTAI!
What are you doing in here!?!?!?

[Ranma-chan doesn't respond. Instead, she grabs her toothbrush, squeezes
toothpaste onto the bristles, and starts to brush her teeth. Akane grabs a
towel and wraps it around herself.]

Akane: [angrily] This is NOT funny, Ranma! Get out!

[Akane grabs Ranma-chan by the front of her shirt and pushes her out of the
bathroom up against the window. Ranma-chan doesn't resist, still brushing her
teeth with her eyes closed.]

Akane: [angrily] That does it!!

[*KAPOW*]

[Ranma-chan goes flying off into the morning sun, toothbrush falling at Akane's
feet. Akane picks it up and her eyes widen as she realizes that Ranma was still
asleep.]

Akane: [one hand over her mouth] Ranma...

* * *

[Behind the new Nekohanten, Mousse is throwing a large stack of garbage bags
into an even larger blue trash compactor. Hearing a distant noise he turns,
looking up into the sky. Mousse blinks and adjusts his glasses, then looks at
the garbage bag he is carrying. After pausing for a moment, he dashes inside,
returning seconds later with a large beanbag and a kettle of steaming water.
Quickly he considers Ranma's trajectory and then places the bean bag in the
parking lot.]

Mousse: [looking up] Yes. This should be about right...

[Ranma-chan lands in Mousse's beanbag and opens her eyes, focusing finally on
Mousse.]

Ranma-chan: Mousse?? Arigato!

Mousse: [pours water on Ranma] Fighting with Akane again, I see?

Ranma: [clueless look, one arm behind head] I don't know. I felt a sharp pain,
and the next thing I know I'm here...

Mousse: [pondering] If she could be harnessed for peaceful purposes... [picks
up beanbag] Have you had breakfast yet, Saotome?

Ranma: [Suspicious] Why?

Mousse: Peace, Saotome. There's no need for us to fight any more. I figured you
haven't eaten yet... [pauses] and we both know Akane's cooking can down
strong oxen...

Ranma: Yeah. If you don't mind. Uh... [looks around nervously] Shampoo...?

Mousse: She's in China visiting her sisters. [smiles] Come in!

Ranma: Hai! [grins]

[Both disappear into the Nekohanten.]

* * *

[Noumunoikan University, early morning. As the view closes in on one part of
the campus, several students walking by the gymnasium are holding their ears
as terrible screams eminate from the gym. One of the tall two-story windows
finally cracks as the howls get progressively worse. Inside, Kodachi is
surrounded by a small group of women, who are all covering their ears.]

Kodachi: [screams] NOOOOOOO!!! Ranma-sama, it cannot be true!!

Friend 1: [winces] Keep it down Kodachi! It's too bad, really-- the new guy at
Mizunoikan is a real hunk and a kickboxer to boot. [smiles] He looks
so sexy in red and black Chinese clothes. But like I said, he's
married [Kodachi screams again] to this arrogant woman... er...
whassername...

[The girl looks at her companion, who simply shrugs.]

Kodachi: Tendo Akane?

Friend 1: Yeah! That's it! [smiles]

[Kodachi screams again.]

Friend 2: [rubbing ears] So he's married. Big deal. If he's _that_ cute, AND
you're interested in him, you should still go after him. At least,
show him you're interested.

Friend 1: Ruin a marriage? I could never do that.

[At the sound of the word "marriage", Kodachi lets out another high-pitched
scream.]

Kodachi: NOOOOOOO!!!

[Kodachi kicks her ribbon up from the floor and grabs a 5kg weight, tossing it
through one of the windows of the gym and hitting an innocent student outside,
knocking him senseless. A rack of 5kg weights follow, breaking 4 windows and
injuring two more students.]

Friend 2: [eyes open in terror] Uh... I have to go, Kodachi! I... uh... just
heard my credit cards roll into overdraft... bye! [leaves quickly]

Friend 1: Let me help you! They can be hard to stop, you know! [follows the
girl out the door]

[Still in a rage, Kodachi swings her ribbon repeatedly with all of her might.
The miniature sonic booms created force all of the other students in the
immediate area to retreat. Exhausted, she collapses to the ground. A single
sparkling tear falls from her eye onto the ribbon.]

Kodachi: [sniffles] Ranma-sama, how could you? It is obvious that she does not
love you. [looks up] After I defeat Akane, Ranma-sama, you will again
be free to come to me.

* * *

[Kagemusha Gardens, later that morning. Akane's drama class is on a field-trip
to the beautiful castle and gardens. A group of roughly fifty students stand in
the main promenade listening to a speaker recount a story. Akane stands near
the back of the crowd looking distracted.]

Speaker: Fearing that his heir was not ready for the burdens of leadership,
the Warlord, on his deathbed, instructed his ministers to keep his
death secret for three years, during which Kagemusha, the shadow
warrior, would rule in his place...

[A tree branch behind and to the left of the speaker thrashes violently for a
second. Closer examination reveals Kodachi in a camouflage green leotard
climbing over the outer wall of the garden. She leaps quickly to the ground
and sneaks towards the promenade.]

Kodachi: [thinking] A longtime project finally bears fruit! [smiles] Fruit!
[quiet high pitched laugh] Soon, Ranma-sama, you will forget all about
Akane and marry me! With the help of this blue lotus flower, you will
at last be happy in my arms! [laughs again]

[As the speaker drones on, Kodachi circles and approaches unseen, behind a tall
hedge. She leans up against the hedge and reaches through it.]

Speaker: Surely Kagemusha would have succeeded at his task had he decided not
to BE the Warlord, but only act the part. Though his skills were
great, he could not ride the Warlord's horse nor make love to the
Warlord's mistress as the Warlord could...

Girl: Long winded bore. Why doesn't he stop for a breath?

Akane: It's the actors' curse. We're all windbags. [smirks] At least the
flowers in the gardens are wonderful!

Girl: Hmm... [looks over the flowerbed] Kawaii! Have you ever seen such
beautiful yellow roses before?

[Both Akane and her friend turn their full attention to the flowers growing in
the garden.]

Akane: Can we pick them?

Girl: Sure, why not? It's a public garden right?

Akane: I'm going to take this blue rose home and put it in some water.

[Akane pulls the blue "rose" out of the garden by its stem. A second later she
feels another hand close around hers.]

Akane: [surprised] Ranma!? This isn't funny.

[She grasps the foreign hand with her free one and pulls with all of her might.
The hedges snap and part as a clueless Kodachi is dragged through.]

Akane: Ranma, you... [doubly surprised] Kodachi!?!?

Kodachi: [stands up in some pain] That flower is mine, Akane! Give it to me!

[Kodachi grabs for the flower, but Akane holds it out of reach.]

Akane: No. I saw it first!

Kodachi: [grabs at flower again but misses] That flower is very important to a
project I am working on!

Teacher: [looks directly at Akane and Kodachi] SHHH!!!!

Akane: Hai, Kimo-sensei! [whispering as she looks over Kodachi's outfit]
Flower Stealing 101? I ought to turn you over to the police right
now for trying to steal my rose!

Kodachi: [whispering harshly] First, picking flowers from a public garden is
a crime! Second, it's a _lotus_! Third, it's MINE!

[A tug-of-war ensues over the flower. After a brief battle, Kodachi manages to
pull the flower away from Akane.]

Kodachi: [examines flower] You have broken the stem.. the lotus is useless now.
[angrily] This is the last time you will interfere in my plans. You...
you have kept Ranma to yourself in a loveless relationship for far
too long. [throws flower at Akane's feet] I challenge you to a duel!

[Akane turns bright red with anger at this comment, while her companion edges
away slowly.]

Akane: [whispering loudly] Loveless!? Loveless???

Teacher: [turns around again] WILL YOU TWO PLEASE BE QUIET!

Akane & Kodachi: [automatically] Hai, sensei!

[Akane and Kodachi look at each other in surprise, then Akane's anger
diminishes, replaced by a look of determination.]

Akane: I've beaten you before... name the place and time of your funeral, and
I'll be there.

Kodachi: The farmers field on the southeast corner of Ita and Shimoda in three
days. 4:00 pm. Don't be late.

[Kodachi bounces quickly over the hedge and then is gone.]

Akane: [stares at flower] Blue lotus, eh? [picks up flower] All right, this
time it's for keeps...

[An eerie high-pitched laugh can be heard coming from somewhere else in the
gardens. The speaker pauses momentarily in his speech, while the students and
teacher bristle uncontrollably.]

* * *

[Lunchtime at Chez Funsui. Ranma enters and noticies most of the tables are
occupied by high school students. He spies an empty table in the corner and
sits down. Almost immediately a waitress walks over.]

Waitress: [smiles pleasantly] What can I get for you, sir?

Ranma: Um... is Hitomi-chan here?

Waitress: [blinks] Oh! You must be Saotome-san! [smiles] Let me go get her!

[Ranma half-smiles uncomfortably as the waitress turns and bounces toward the
kitchen.]

Voice: [from kitchen] Hitomi! Your boyfriend is here!

[Ranma hits his head on the table. Moments later, Hitomi rushes out of the
kitchen. Many of the high school students stop what they're doing to watch
Hitomi, who seems oblivious to the attention.]

Hitomi: Konnichiwa, Ranma-kun! [smiles]

Ranma: Uh... konnichiwa. [looks behnd Hitomi] Did you know you're being
watched?

Hitomi: [frowns] Hai. All it takes is one kid to walk in here and soon we're
full of them. I don't know HOW many times I've been hit on today.

Ranma: [grins] Well, what do you expect with a kawaii waitress on the job?

[Hitomi blushes and hits Ranma's arm playfully, who raises his hands in
defense.]

Ranma: [feigning pain] Ow! No more! I give! [chuckles]

Hitomi: [smiles] What can I get you?

Ranma: [thinks] How about... something I haven't tried yet? You choose.

Hitomi: [pauses] Hai! I know just the dish! [bounces into kitchen]

[Ranma watches her go, then notices he's the center of attention for many
of the students. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat and stares out the
window. Soon, Hitomi comes back out carrying a plate of steaming food.]

Hitomi: [smiles] Rice sticks with fish for our honoured customer.

[Hitomi sets the plate down in front of Ranma, who starts to eat hungrily.]

Ranma: Arigato! [in between mouthfuls] Excellent as always, Hitomi.

[Hitomi sits down next to Ranma and puts her arm around him. Ranma chokes on
one mouthful, then starts to eat a little more slowly, glancing around the
room and noticing the icy stares from the male students in the kissaten.]

Hitomi: Ranma... not that I mind, but why don't you eat at home?

Ranma: Uh... well...

Hitomi: Akane's cooking can't be that bad, ne?

Ranma: You ate it before. You should know. [grins]

Hitomi: [making a face] Hai, but we both know the only way she is going to get
better is with practice.

Ranma: But...

Hitomi: [interrupting] No buts. [smiles] If she's that bad of a cook, why don't
_you_ show her how to cook?

Ranma: [looks at table] Well...

Hitomi: [giggles] Seriously, if you help out and be patient with her, I'm sure
she'll improve, if only a little bit.

Ranma: [unhappy look] I guess you're right.

Hitomi: Of course I am. [pats Ranma's arm] Now I have to get back to work
before I get in trouble. I'll talk to you later. [gets up and leaves]

Ranma: Yeah... soon.

[Ranma glances once more around the kissaten, then turns his attention back to
the window.]

* * *

[Maison Sabaku, mid-afternoon. Akane is smiling and humming softly to herself
as she cooks dinner. Ranma enters, drops his backpack by the door, and flops
down on the futon.]

Ranma: [winces] I am so sore. [flexes arm] I've been training all my life, but
this class is still a killer.

Akane: [from kitchen] The muscle ointment is in the bathroom. Dinner should be
ready in about five minutes.

[Ranma gets up and walks to the bathroom. As he passes the kitchen, he
involuntarily sniffs the air and reflexively tenses up. After another strong
whiff, however, he relaxes and shoots a puzzled glance toward the kitchen.]

Ranma: Dinner smells pretty good.

Akane: [from kitchen] Arigato. It's one of Kasumi's receipes.

[Ranma enters the bathroom, gets the ointment out of the medicine cabinet,
and starts applying it to his sore muscles.]

Ranma: [thinking] She didn't even notice that I complimented her. Hmph.

* * *

[Dinnertime. Ranma looks at the food pensively, but remembering Hitomi's words,
he starts to eat - slowly. Feeling no adverse effects, he eats faster with a
look of surprise.]

Ranma: [surprised] This meat is really good. What's the special occasion?

Akane: [nonchalantly] Kodachi challenged me to a fight in three days, so I'm
finally going to give her the drubbing she deserves.

[Ranma face-faults, then starts to choke on the food. Akane glares at him and
continues to eat in silence. However, when Ranma doesn't respond, she looks up
and notices Ranma turning a light shade of pink while clutching at his throat.]

Akane: [jumps up] Ranma!

[Akane knocks her glass over, spilling her drink all over Ranma's pants while
he rolls his eyes. She then stands behind him and attempts to use the Heimlich
maneuver. However, she leans over and grabs Ranma around the stomach... along
with the table, and lifts the two into the air. Noticing her mistake, she drops
both heavily on the floor. By now Ranma has turned a dark shade of red. She
pulls him to his feet and then quickly slaps him hard on the back, knocking him
into the table.]

Akane: [panicked] Ranma...

[Akane looks around the room for something that could help her. Finally, she
stops, closes her eyes, and concentrates momentarily. Her eyes snap open and
focus, and with a loud cry, she strikes Ranma in the back with a powerful
open-hand blow. A _large_ piece of meat shoots out and falls neatly into the
trash can.]

Akane: Ranma? Are you ok??

Ranma: [wheezing] H... Hai.

Akane: Gomen! I should've cut the pieces smaller... [looks down]

[Ranma opens his mouth to retort, then hears Hitomi's words echo in his ears.]

Hitomi: Be patient with her. I'm sure she'll improve.

Ranma: [sighs] It's ok. It was just a mistake.

[Ranma sits back down. Unfortunately, he sits right in the puddle on his chair.
He closes his eyes and bangs his head on the table as Akane walks into the
kitchen quickly to get a dishrag.]

Ranma: What was this about a challenge, anyway?

Akane: [from kitchen] I picked one of Kodachi's precious flowers in Kagemusha
gardens by accident. [returns with wet rag] Here.

Ranma: Arigato. So I guess you're going to go through with this, eh?

Akane: I'm not backing down. I've beaten her before.

Ranma: [sighs] Ok, well I guess we'll have to do some training again.

Akane: [surprised] Training? Lardizabal offered...

Ranma: [interrupting] That drunken slob?!

Akane: ...but I refused. I don't think I could develop his tolerance to liquor
in three days.

Ranma: [smirks] Right.

[Ranma gets up and turns around to clean off his seat, which by now has also
soaked his pants in a very compromising place. Akane can't help but giggle.]

Ranma: [whirls around quickly] What?

Akane: [giggles] Nothing. Nothing at all.

Ranma: [frowns] Yeah, sure. You just better be ready tomorrow so we can start
teaching you about Kodachi's acrobatic stunts and how to counter them.
[stops and scratches his head] Y'know, for once, being a tomboy is
probably going to be in your favor. [continues to clean up]

[Akane glares at this, then grabs Ranma's drink glass and pours it on his head
before walking back into the kitchen.]

* * *

[Later that night, we see signs saying "Ita Street" and "Shimoda Street" in the
moonlight. There is a sudden flash of motion as a group of shadowy figures leap
the small fence into the adjacent field. The rythmic sounds of shovels can soon
be heard in the dark, but after five minutes the sounds fade and the crickets
resume their nightly song.]

* * *

[Backyard of Maison Sabaku, two days later. Ranma, in his usual outfit, and
Akane, dressed in her gi, stand in martial arts poses facing each other. From
a second floor window, Choji watches with camera in hand.]

Ranma: This battle is going to be a battle of skill and strength [points at
Akane] against agility and dirty tricks [points at himself]. First off,
Kodachi, when evading an attack, usually leaps back and to the left to
keep her right arm free and towards her opponent.

[Ranma leaps forward aiming a kick at Akane. She blocks and counters with a
high kick of her own. He easily evades the blow and the two followups, then
leaps high and away to the left. A small flame and large billowing cloud of
smoke gushes out from Ranma's sleeve, engulfing Akane who falls back coughing.]

Akane: [angrily] Why did you do that?! [coughs]

[Ranma moves quickly and reaches through the cloud to touch Akane on the
forehead lightly.]

Ranma: I'm fighting dirty. Kodachi would try some underhanded trick like this
without a second thought.

[Ranma foot-sweeps Akane, knocking her to the ground easily. Meanwhile, Choji
is taking pictures at a rapid pace.]

Choji: Amazing! I sure hope I have enough rolls to get all of this!

[Akane, however, flips over onto her back and glares at Ranma.]

Akane: Two can play at that game, jerk!

[Akane kicks Ranma _hard_ in the shin, causing Ranma to hop up and down on one
foot, holding his leg. Akane gets up into a ready stance facing Ranma.]

Ranma: [wincing] Chikusho! That really hurt, you tomboy! What do you think
you're doing??

Akane: [narrows eyes] Why you...

[Akane grabs Ranma and falls backward, bringing him with her, then flip-kicks
him behind her through the nearby bushes and into the side of the house. Choji
winces as Akane gets up, waiting for Ranma to emerge with a counterattack.
However, when Ranma doesn't appear after some time, Akane walks over and peers
in between the bushes.]

Akane: [sighs] I guess I should call Kasumi.

[Akane walks inside as Choji snaps several pictures quickly.]

* * *

[Kasumi drops her bag and smiles at Akane, gesturing to her companion, a girl
of average height with a ponytail and blue jeans.]

Kasumi: This is my roommate, Murata Yuriko. She's currently a junior at
Noumunoikan in pre-med. Have you met?

Akane: No, I'm sorry. But it's nice to meet...

[Yuriko walks past her and goes straight to Ranma, all business.]

Yuriko: [examines Ranma's leg] That's one big bruise. How did you get it?

Ranma: Uh... [glances at Akane] I... uh... banged it on the tree branch...

[Behind him, Choji snorts. Yuriko looks at Choji quizzically as Kasumi walks
over and examines Ranma's leg.]

Kasumi: [smiles warmly] The bone isn't fractured. Try not to put any weight
on it for a few days ok?

Ranma: Hai.

Akane: [turns to leave] I have some errands to do.

Kasumi: Are you sure? Shouldn't you be practicing?

Akane: No, we're finished for today. [leaves]

Yuriko: [surprised] Ranma... practicing?

Ranma: Uh... Akane has to fight this duel... Ite!!

Kasumi: Oh! Ranma, gomen! Did the antiseptic hurt?

Ranma: [through clenched teeth] ...

Yuriko: Duel? Wait, Ranma... why aren't you stopping her?

Ranma: 'Cause she can take care of... AAA!! [Kasumi wipes away antiseptic]
[winces] Anyway, don't worry about Akane... she'll be fine.

[Yuriko raises an eyebrow and glances at Kasumi, who conceals a smile.]

Choji: Yeah. That's one tough wife you've got there.

[Ranma groans and flops back on the ground.]

* * *

[The next morning, Akane and Ranma sit down at the table for breakfast.]

Akane: How's your leg?

Ranma: [sips coffee] Much better.

Akane: I'm sorry that I kicked you so hard.

Ranma: It's ok. I've felt worse.

[Akane reflects for a moment on Ranma walking in on her in the shower two days
ago and smiles weakly.]

Akane: Some things never change, do they?

Ranma: [sets down coffee] Seriously, if you focus your anger like that against
Kodachi, you'll be hard to beat, you know.

[Akane clenches her fists slowly and narrows her eyes.]

Akane: What do you mean, "anger"?

Ranma: [holding hands up] Waitasec... I'm just trying to say... [trails off]

[Akane just stares at Ranma silently, making him more uncomfortable by the
second.]

Ranma: Uh... well... [puts one hand behind his head] You can do it.

Akane: [sniffs] Some inspiration you are. [sips coffee]

[Ranma sighs. He stands up and limps over to the closet, returning shortly with
a white shirt, which he hands to Akane.]

Ranma: Luck's the only factor. I know you _can_ beat Kodachi, but umm... will
you wear this for luck?

Akane: [staring at shirt] Ranma...

* * *

[Closeup of a digital watch reading 3:53 pm. Mousse turns to survey the field
of battle from atop his post. At one end stands Ranma and Akane, with Choji,
Kunou, Nabiki, Makiko and Ukyou are walking across the soil towards them. At
the other stands Kodachi with a group of her friends. Numerous students from
both Universities are sitting or standing on fences around the edges of the
field.]

Mousse: [smiles] The cast has assembled. Best of luck, Akane.

Akane: [from behind Mousse] Arigato. And thanks for volunteering to referee
this!

Mousse: Ah, absolutely no problem... eh?

[Mousse turns and adjusts his glasses to get a better look at Akane. She is
dressed in loose fitting light blue pants, sandals and a large white shirt
that seems strangely familiar. What he finds very perplexing, though, is the
long, cylindrical shaped object covered by a garbage bag tied to the back of
her shoulders. Ranma also appears to have noticed and is trying to sneak a
peek.]

Akane: [slaps Ranma's hand away] No, you can't look!

Ranma: Che!

[Ranma attempts to look again but notices Choji and company approaching.]

Akane: [laughs] Glad you all could make it!

Nabiki: Wouldn't miss this for the world, sis.

Choji: [camera in hand] Give us a victory pose, Akane!

[Akane poses as Choji takes a number of pictures. Nabiki looks over at Ranma,
but he pointedly ignores her. Nabiki looks hurt, and Akane notices.]

Akane: [aside to Nabiki] He's still mad at you?

Nabiki: [shrugs] I guess I had it coming...

Ukyou: [overhearing] He's starting to talk to me again, but...

Akane: Umm...

Ukyou: Don't worry. We'll be fine... [smiling] Take this for luck, ok?

[Ukyou hands Akane a small, sharpened spatula, which Akane hides in her shirt.]

Ukyou: We'll be cheering for you. [smiles]

Makiko: You better believe it!

Akane: [smiles] Arigato. You're all so wonderful.

Mousse: [using megaphone] It is now two minutes to the appointed time. All
non-combatants please leave the field.

[Everyone except Ranma and Kunou leave the field to take up seats by the
fence.]

Kunou: [low voice] Watch very carefully for Kodachi's wrist bands, Akane. She
has been known to hide items in them to aid her in her fighting.

[Both Ranma and Akane blink in surprise.]

Akane: A- Arigato Kunou-sempai [touches his arm] I really appreciate it.

Kunou: [thinking] Akane-san? [fighting for composure] Think.. nothing of it.

[Kunou turns and heads toward one of the fences, accompanied by Ranma.]

Ranma: That was very decent, Kunou.

Kunou: [staring off into space] ...

[Mousse scans the other end of the field. Kodachi stands alone in her usual
purple leotards. She twirls effortlessly her trademark yellow ribbon, with a
second one tucked in her belt. She waves at Ranma and laughs aloud.]

Kodachi: Ranma-sama you will soon be free of Akane!

[Ranma falls over in mid-stride face first into the field. A black cloud forms
above his head.]

Akane: [fists clenched, grumbling] When is Kodachi going to get it through
her thick skull that you cannot make people love you by beating up their
loved ones?

[Behind Akane, Nabiki giggles.]

Mousse: [quietly] True, Akane... when? [speaking through megaphone] It is now
4:00 pm - the agreed time for the duel. The battle will continue until
one of the contestants is knocked unconscious or unable to continue.
The contestants will step forward and state their terms of victory.

[Akane moves to speak, but Kodachi leaps forward.]

Kodachi: After I win, I demand that Akane divorce Ranma and that she never
speak to or see him ever again!

[Ranma, in the middle of getting up, falls flat again. Nabiki boos from the
sidelines, while Ukyou looks pensive.]

Akane: [assumes a ready stance] My terms are simple. Never come near Ranma
again.

Mousse: The rules for this contest: Combatants may only use objects on their
person or within the confines of the fence. Use of bystanders or any
of their gear is strictly forbidden and is grounds for immediate
disqualification.

[Akane and Kodachi nod. Kodachi assumes a combat stance.]

Mousse: BEGIN!

Akane: KYAAAH!!

[Akane charges across the field at Kodachi, intending to land the first blow.
However, she strikes only air as Kodachi leaps high and away. Trailing her
ribbon behind her, she is able to entangle Akane's arm. Kodachi lands and a
tugging match ensues which Akane quickly wins. Akane easily pulls Kodachi
toward her.]

Akane: [throwing punch] Eat this!

[Kodachi laughs and easily ducks under Akane's attack. Using her momentum, she
swings Akane into the post Mousse is standing on and leaps away.]

Mousse: [fighting to maintain his balance] Wha.. who...

[From within the folds of his robe, Mousse pulls out a long balancing stick
that he uses to steady himself.]

Akane: [holding shoulder] Ite! [gets up] Now I'm really getting angry.

[Not one to give up an advantage, Kodachi charges with a spinning crescent
kick. Akane dodges aside as Kodachi strikes Mousse's post. Still recovering,
Mousse falls onto the soil. Kodachi grabs Mousse's pole with her ribbon and
flings it at Akane.]

Kodachi: [laughing] This will teach you!

[Akane breaks the pole in half in mid-air and then turns to Mousse.]

Akane: No fair! She's using a foreign object!

[Mousse stands up and pauses momentarily, then produces a white fan from the
folds of his robes.]

Mousse: I will have to allow that as it was within the confines of the fence.
Continue!

Kodachi: HA HA HA!

[She leaps towards Akane swings her ribbon back and forth in a horizonal
slashing motion forcing her to evade wildly. Kodachi scores a number of hits
on Akane's arm as she parries and manages to rip her shirt over the stomach.]

Ranma: [yelling from sidelines] Stay in close Akane! [thinking] Kodachi got the
shirt... boy, is she in trouble.

Nabiki: [to Ranma] Isn't that your shirt?

Ranma: Hai.

Nabiki: You want her to get angry on purpose?

Ranma: Hai.

Nabiki: Nice trick there...

Ranma: ...

[Akane steps back and surveys the cuts on her arm, then looks down at Ranma's
ripped shirt. She pauses, then looks up and glares at Kodachi.]

Akane: [angrily] That was one of Ranma's favorite shirts!

[She furiously turns around, and palms a small object.]

Kodachi: Victory! HA HA HA!

[Kodachi continues her attack, switching to a X-shaped slashing motion. Akane
charges forward, slashing her arm at the flailing ribbon. In seconds it lays in
pieces on the field. Akane continues her charge, stabbing at Kodachi who leaps
madly away, landing several meters away.]

Kodachi: [staring at the cut on her suit and thigh] Scissors?! [noticing the
blood beginning to well up] Why you devious...

Akane: [grins evilly while snapping scissors] I've had plenty of time to study
your technique. This ought to level the playing field, ne?

Kodachi: That has gained you nothing!

[Kodachi extends both her arms and curls her hands back towards her wrists.
Akane takes in a sharp breath and leaps high into the air as Kodachi throws
with great rapidity and accuracy a number of small objects at Akane. Akane
lands on the post behind Mousse, who reflexively produces a wooden shield to
defend himself against a hail of shuriken.]

Akane: [quickly to Mousse] How do you do that?

[Akane leaps off the post aiming a flying dropkick at Kodachi, who takes a
glancing blow to the temple.]

Kodachi: Ergh... That's it! STRIKE!

[Kodachi attacks Akane with a series of careful, precision blows.]

Akane: [parrying attacks] Tonfun? I didn't see those before. Not that it
matters... [leaps back a few meters] You couldn't hit me on your best
day! [makes a face at Kodachi]

Kodachi: That's MY line!

[Akane meets Kodachi half-way, shattering the tonfun with a closed-fisted blow.
An instant later, a second shower of wood chips flies into the air.]

Kodachi: [shocked] Impossible! I grew that strain of wood myself. It's
indestructible!

Akane: [kicks at Kodachi] I guess you failed that class.

Kodachi: [angrily] Never!

[Kodachi evades Akane's kick and responds by striking Akane's calf, knocking
her over.]

Kodachi: For Ranma, I will do anything!

Akane: [fuming] Do you really think you can get him to love you by beating me?

Kodachi: [without hesitation] Yes!

[Kodachi attacks in a frenzy of motion. Akane fights wildly to fend off her
blows and regain her footing.]

Akane: [thinking] She's too fast! Time to initiate Plan B.

[One of Kodachi's blows gets past Akane's guard, knocking her to her knees.
Akane takes out the sharpened spatula from her belt and throws it across the
field at an exposed water main, causing an explosion. Mousse quickly pulls out
an umbrella and gets underneath it, just before a flood hits the field. Ranma
quickly backs away, followed by everyone else.]

Akane: [grinning darkly] Hard to do acrobatics in a mud pit isn't it?

Nabiki: [from sidelines] Way to go, sis! That's my sister!

Kodachi: [leaps away from Akane] HA HA HA! Akane, you fool!

[Kodachi pulls out a bouquet of black roses and hurls them at Akane, who ducks.
The flowers explode behind her.]

Kodachi: You saved me the trouble of breaking the main! Now you will be
defeated, and Ranma will be mine forever!

[Ranma groans. Kodachi rips off her wrist warmers, crushes them, and throws
them at Akane. Small pellets come flying from the warmers, land all around her,
and sink into the wet ground. Seconds later, small green plants sprout and grow
rapidly in size, threatening to engulf Akane in their midst.]

Akane: What? How...?

Kodachi: I had my servants plant quick-grow plant food here last night! HA HA
HA! [smiling] Give Ranma up to me while you still can.

Akane: [struggling amongst the vines] Never!

[Akane reaches behind her back and tears the garbage bag free of its holdings.
Holding up the object, she flips a switch and pulls the cord. It sputters once
before roaring to life. Akane turns around and faces the growing plants,
brandishing her new weapon...]

Ukyou: What's she holding?

Choji: [snaps picture] Oh, that's one of those weed-thingies...

Akane: HITOU ZASSOU KUZUSHI!!!

Kodachi: WHAT?!

[With the skill of a professional landscaper, Akane cuts through the forest of
vines that Kodachi has created, using her weed whacker. Slashing high and low,
she shreds the botanical menaces easily and charges at the disbelieving
Kodachi.]

Kodachi: [shocked] Impossible!

[Akane attacks with a series of lightning-fast punches. Kodachi attempts to
parry with her ribbon, to no avail.]

Akane: [ducking Kodachi's second ribbon] Stay... away... from... Ranma!

Kodachi: Noooo!

[Kodachi desperately tries to evade Akane's punches, but Akane finally lands
a telling blow. Kodachi falls like a rock.]

Akane: Never again.

[Mousse leaps off of the post to look closely at Kodachi, who only moans in
response. He then moves over towards Akane.]

Mousse: [holding up Ukyou's arm] The victor!

Ukyou: Hey, let go of me!

Akane: ...

Crowd: [rushing onto the field] Yay, Akane! You did it! You were so amazing!

Nabiki: [hugging Akane] Dinner's on me tonight.

Ukyou: [grabs Akane's hands, smiling] You were great.

Akane: [beaming] Thanks, Ukyou. I couldn't have done it without you... all of
you.

[After some discussion, the gang disperses, chatting about the party. Ranma and
Akane are left alone, staring at each other uncomfortably.]

Ranma: [quietly] I told you you could do it...

Akane: I'm sorry about your shirt.

Ranma: That's okay...

Akane: ...

[They hear a loud sob. Ranma and Akane turn to see a crying Kodachi being led
off the field by friends. They watch as Kunou walks over to Kodachi and says
something to her, then the two walk off the field together.]

Ranma: Let's get out of here.

Akane: [stares at Kodachi over her shoulder] Yeah. Do you really think it's
over?

Ranma: With Kodachi? Never...

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finis.
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Footnotes:

1) From: Drengson, Allan R., _Being a Mountain, Astride a Horse, the Warlord
Faces South: Reflections on the Art of Ruling._, Philosophy East and West,
V.33 (1), Jan. 1983. A very good paper on different styles of leadership.
Kagemusha is a real legend/movie. Kagemusha gardens are fictional as far
as I know. Kagemusha is also available on video. Check your local video
store.

2) A tonfun is kind of like a police riot stick. You grasp it by the short bit
and use it as a combination arm guard and slashing/stabbing weapon.

Look at the diagram: ============ < slashing end
arm guard^ |
^hold here
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