"Naikaku Kenryoku Hanzai Kyousei Torishimarikan Zaizen Jotaro" not only has the longest anime title to show up in quite some time, but is also possibly one of the absolutely worst anime to show up in a very long time. This adaptation by Universal Pictures Japan and TV Asahi of the Comicbunch manga about a super James Bond-type agent is possibly the worst example of the genre since the mid-1960's flurry of Italian quickie rip-offs. What's wrong with the first episode?
- Extraordinarily bad animation
- Ugly character designs
- Agonizingly inept direction
- Voice actors who yell all their lines
- Dialog that could have been generated by a random-writing program
- Horribly inane plotting that immediately causes a total loss of suspension-of-disbelief
- A BGM that could have come from a 1960's Italian spy flick
- The hero's "punch line" for key situations is to say, "Da Bomb" (I kid you not!!!)
So what happens in the first episode? Zaizen Jotaro, "Man of Mystery" arrives at LA via fighter jet after being missing for three years. He parachutes out and lands at a beachfront hotel where flunkies race up to dress him up in swanky clothes. (Shades of the old Amex commercial.) Then as he is riding off with some CIA agents they are attacked by a custom, remote controlled sports car. Zaizen jumps out of his car at high speed and onto the roof of the other car, which proceeds to explode. By shooting at the window Zaizen succeeds in causing the killer car to fall into a river and explode underwater.
As Zaizen crawls out of the river, he is greeted by three monks who proceed to attack him with guns, knives and other weapons. But Zaizen defeats them all, thanks to his cigar case which deflects the bullets, knives and so on. Next Zaizen gets a nice red sports car of his own and starts to drive it down the highway when he is surrounded and blocked in by four big remote controlled trucks. Just as the four trucks head towards the end of an unfinished overpass, Zaizen shoots the four roof pillars of his sports car and drives under one of the trucks to escape.
Zaizen then appears at the house of the Japanese executive who was trying to arrange for Zaizen's death. Zaizen is surrounded by dozens of mobsters but is rescued by hundreds of Navy Seals. Zaizen then gets to hit the Japanese executive with the barrel of a bazooka and say his punch line, "Da Bomb".
You know, I couldn't make up something this bad unless I was very, very drunk. But don't let me stop you - maybe you need a good strong "fix" of pure, unadulterated schlock. Or else, if you've been very, very bad lately, watch the first episode as a "penance" of sorts.
also has a link to an online Zaizen Jotaro comic. (Click on the image of Zaizen, currently third from the left on the top line of images.) From what I saw when I glanced through part of it, the manga is better than the anime, although still nothing that interests me.
> "Naikaku Kenryoku Hanzai Kyousei Torishimarikan Zaizen Jotaro" not > only has the longest anime title to show up in quite some time, but is > also possibly one of the absolutely worst anime to show up in a very > long time. This adaptation by Universal Pictures Japan and TV Asahi of > the Comicbunch manga about a super James Bond-type agent is possibly > the worst example of the genre since the mid-1960's flurry of Italian > quickie rip-offs. What's wrong with the first episode?
*snip all the very true and very awful things about Zaizen Jotaro*
I totally agree that this is an appallingly bad show (perhaps as bad as Musashi Gun?) but I am slightly puzzled as to WHY such crap got animated; I thought that Comicbunch was one of those salarymen anthologies filled with stuff that the average man on the train would sit and read, but it's even sillier than your average Shounen Jump manga! I was expecting something slightly sophisticated, I guess, like Monster, but obviously not...
Dave Baranyi wrote: > "Naikaku Kenryoku Hanzai Kyousei Torishimarikan Zaizen Jotaro" not only > has the longest anime title to show up in quite some time,
Yike. No kidding... d-:
> but is also possibly one of the absolutely worst anime to show up in a > very long time.
O_O
> This adaptation by Universal Pictures Japan and TV Asahi of the > Comicbunch manga about a super James Bond-type agent is possibly the > worst example of the genre since the mid-1960's > flurry of Italian quickie rip-offs. What's wrong with the first > episode? - Extraordinarily bad animation > - Ugly character designs
I just looked at the Web Site.. Ick. For some reason, while reading through this, I was picturing something totally different.
> - Agonizingly inept direction
Whee.
> - Voice actors who yell all their lines
I SAID THE NEW WINCH IS QUIETER!
> - Dialog that could have been generated by a random-writing program
Ouch.
> - Horribly inane plotting that immediately causes a total loss of > suspension-of-disbelief - A BGM that could have come from a 1960's > Italian spy flick
I duuno, some of those were kinda fun...
> - The hero's "punch line" for key situations is to say, "Da Bomb" > (I kid you not!!!)
Oh, joy. Do they realize that "da bomb" is supposed to be something good? Like, if I say a movie is da boimb, I realy liked it.
> So what happens in the first episode? Zaizen Jotaro, "Man of > Mystery"
Uh, Mike Myers just called...
> arrives at LA via fighter jet after being missing for three years.
Too bad he came back.
> He parachutes out and lands at a beachfront hotel where flunkies > race up to dress him up in swanky clothes.
Uh.. he's been gone for three years but his flunkies knew exactly when and where he'd land, so they could be there to dress him?
> (Shades of the old Amex commercial.) Then as he is riding off with some > CIA agents they are attacked by a custom, remote controlled sports car.
Go, sports car!
> Zaizen jumps out of his car at high speed and onto the roof of the > other car, which proceeds to explode.
It commited suicide rather than be ridden by him.
> By shooting at the window Zaizen succeeds in causing the killer > car to fall into a river and explode underwater.
DA BOMB!
> As Zaizen crawls out of the river, he is greeted by three monks
Omi, Raimundo, amd Kimiko? Omi, Aang, and Kulilin?
> who proceed to attack him with guns, knives and other weapons.
?? I thought monks preferred hand to hand...
> But Zaizen defeats them all,
Of course he does.
> thanks to his cigar case which deflects the bullets, knives and so on.
Uh, Wonder Woman clled...
> Next Zaizen gets a nice red sports car of his own and starts to drive > it down the highway
As opposed to up the highway?
> when he is surrounded and blocked in by four big remote controlled > trucks.
Oh, for the luva...
> Just as the four trucks head towards the end of an unfinished > overpass, Zaizen shoots the four roof pillars of his sports car > and drives under one of the trucks to escape.
Meh, it's been done... and probably better.
> Zaizen then appears at the house of the Japanese executive who was trying > to arrange for Zaizen's death.
I already like this guy.
> Zaizen is surrounded by dozens of mobsters but is rescued by hundreds of > Navy Seals.
.... Ohhh... kaaay...
> Zaizen then gets to hit the Japanese executive with the barrel of a > bazooka and say his punch line, "Da Bomb".
Whee.
> You know, I couldn't make up something this bad unless I was very, > very drunk. But don't let me stop you - maybe you need a good > strong "fix" of pure, unadulterated schlock. Or else, if you've > been very, very bad lately, watch the first episode as a "penance" > of sorts.
> > "Naikaku Kenryoku Hanzai Kyousei Torishimarikan Zaizen Jotaro" not > > only has the longest anime title to show up in quite some time, but is > > also possibly one of the absolutely worst anime to show up in a very > > long time. This adaptation by Universal Pictures Japan and TV Asahi of > > the Comicbunch manga about a super James Bond-type agent is possibly > > the worst example of the genre since the mid-1960's flurry of Italian > > quickie rip-offs. What's wrong with the first episode?
> *snip all the very true and very awful things about Zaizen Jotaro*
> I totally agree that this is an appallingly bad show (perhaps as bad as > Musashi Gun?) but I am slightly puzzled as to WHY such crap got animated; I
Because some anime fans would buy just about anything just because it's anime. Look at moe. ;-)
>> "Naikaku Kenryoku Hanzai Kyousei Torishimarikan Zaizen Jotaro" not >> only has the longest anime title to show up in quite some time, but is >> also possibly one of the absolutely worst anime to show up in a very >> long time. This adaptation by Universal Pictures Japan and TV Asahi of >> the Comicbunch manga about a super James Bond-type agent is possibly >> the worst example of the genre since the mid-1960's flurry of Italian >> quickie rip-offs. What's wrong with the first episode?
> *snip all the very true and very awful things about Zaizen Jotaro*
> I totally agree that this is an appallingly bad show (perhaps as bad as > Musashi Gun?) but I am slightly puzzled as to WHY such crap got animated;
After bringing out 50 or so new anime in the Spring they are running out of things to animate I guess.
> I > thought that Comicbunch was one of those salarymen anthologies filled with > stuff that the average man on the train would sit and read, but it's even > sillier than your average Shounen Jump manga! I was expecting something > slightly sophisticated, I guess, like Monster, but obviously not...
If they were trying to do it as a parody, it could possibly work ("calling Mike Myers") but this is obviously supposed to be an "action drama"... (according to the website...)
Essentially, they need to let the "well" refill a bit...
>> "Naikaku Kenryoku Hanzai Kyousei Torishimarikan Zaizen Jotaro" not only >> has the longest anime title to show up in quite some time,
> Yike. No kidding... d-:
>> but is also possibly one of the absolutely worst anime to show up in a >> very long time.
> O_O
>> This adaptation by Universal Pictures Japan and TV Asahi of the >> Comicbunch manga about a super James Bond-type agent is possibly the >> worst example of the genre since the mid-1960's >> flurry of Italian quickie rip-offs. What's wrong with the first >> episode? - Extraordinarily bad animation >> - Ugly character designs
> I just looked at the Web Site.. Ick. For some reason, while reading > through this, I was picturing something totally different.
>> - Agonizingly inept direction
> Whee.
>> - Voice actors who yell all their lines
> I SAID THE NEW WINCH IS QUIETER!
>> - Dialog that could have been generated by a random-writing program
> Ouch.
>> - Horribly inane plotting that immediately causes a total loss of >> suspension-of-disbelief - A BGM that could have come from a 1960's >> Italian spy flick
> I duuno, some of those were kinda fun...
>> - The hero's "punch line" for key situations is to say, "Da Bomb" >> (I kid you not!!!)
> Oh, joy. > Do they realize that "da bomb" is supposed to be something good? Like, if > I say a movie is da boimb, I realy liked it.
Yes they do - the hero looks at the audience, does a partial "thumbs up" and then says, "Da Bomb" after accomplishing something - such as having 300 Navy Seals point automatic weapons at point blank at a dozen hoods so that Zaizen can then beat the "bad guy" without any interference... Wait a minute, haven't I seen something like that on the News in the past year or so... <L> (Okay, okay, I'll drop Foreign Politics from this thread... <L>)
>> Next Zaizen gets a nice red sports car of his own and starts to drive >> it down the highway
> As opposed to up the highway?
>> when he is surrounded and blocked in by four big remote controlled >> trucks.
> Oh, for the luva...
>> Just as the four trucks head towards the end of an unfinished >> overpass, Zaizen shoots the four roof pillars of his sports car >> and drives under one of the trucks to escape.
> Meh, it's been done... and probably better.
>> Zaizen then appears at the house of the Japanese executive who was trying >> to arrange for Zaizen's death.
> I already like this guy.
>> Zaizen is surrounded by dozens of mobsters but is rescued by hundreds of >> Navy Seals.
> .... > Ohhh... kaaay...
>> Zaizen then gets to hit the Japanese executive with the barrel of a >> bazooka and say his punch line, "Da Bomb".
> Whee.
>> You know, I couldn't make up something this bad unless I was very, >> very drunk. But don't let me stop you - maybe you need a good >> strong "fix" of pure, unadulterated schlock. Or else, if you've >> been very, very bad lately, watch the first episode as a "penance" >> of sorts.
> Very few people have been THAT bad...
I can easily think of some Corporate Execs, Investment Bankers, Merger & Acquisition Lawyers...
|
