[megaxover][fanfic] (sur)Real World pt.4

[RpM - acct4/5]

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Mamoru woke early, as he was conditioned to. He was alert
immediately, and his senses scanned the activity of the house. Smells of
food, freshly cooked, and still cooking, probably someone in the kitchen.
The sounds of water surging through the pipes... someone's using the
shower.

Not good.

He was a morning person, which meant that he needed to get the
necessities out of the way immediately, such as a morning shower & shave.
Besides, he had to start work in about an hour. With a sigh, he arose,
fixing his hair as best as he could, and headed for the bathroom.

Thirty minutes later...

*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM* "Hey! C'mon! You've been in there forever!"
Mamoru was fairly irritated. Whoever was in there was there ever since he
woke up, probably a while before that. He'd held off on knocking until
the last possible moment. He would have used the upstairs bathroom, but
unfortunately, he didn't realize one existed until he heard the sound of
more pipes kicking in from the ceiling area.

*WHAM*WHAM* "Hurry up!"

With a mighty gust of wind, the bathroom door opened. Mamoru was
knocked away several steps as the steam poured out like a fog bank. A
lady with an exotic dark tan and long white hair stepped out, covered only
in a bath towel. Drops of water ran down her hair, her face, the gentle
curve of her neck, those long, long legs. She looked somewhat displeased.
Mamoru hoped that he wasn't staring at her, or at least, that it wasn't
obvious.

With one hand holding the towel up, she used the other to grab him
by the shirt. "Listen," she said quietly, making sure that the cameras
around the house couldn't hear her or see her lips, "just because you're
some rich kid by day with a 'special' job at night doesn't mean that you
don't use a little MANNERS when talking to people. Got it?"

He nodded stiffly, eyes wide open.

Satisfied, she walked away, saying with a wink, "and don't stare,
your girlfriend might not like it." That time, she made sure that the
cameras heard it.

As he stood in front of the mirror, brushing his teeth, he
realized something. She knows! She knows that I'm... but HOW? In the
back of his mind, he knew if a certain blond girl watched this scene she
might definitely be upset, but that was just the back of his mind.
Unfortunately, the rest of it was preoccupied by the lady who knew his
secret...

===============================================================================

=The Surreal World=

(http://www.uh.edu/~rpm/sw1.htm)
Writer: Rod M.

Story Concept: Isabel A. "Izzy-chan"
Advisory Board: Fanfic ML
-M- Productions

PART 4

Men At Work

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CAMERA: Kitchen, early morning. Ranma & Kyosuke are at the kitchen table,
looking through the newspaper. They seem to be bored. By the
stove, Nuku-Nuku is busy cooking breakfast. She lets out an
occasional 'meow'-like sound, and Ranma glances at her nervously.
Washu in her usual, younger form, is observing Nuku's cooking
technique and taking notes.

ATARU: [walking in] 'morning. *yawn*. [sniffs in the air] Hmm, what's
cooking? [he peers over Nuku's shoulder and at the stove.]

NUKU: I'm cooking breakfast! [she gives off a kawaii grin and a blink]

ATARU: Ah, good, good. [he gives off his unique cackle and flexes his
hands]

CAMERA: Ataru reaches with both hands about to glomp Nuku. Ranma and
Kyosuke get up to stop him when suddenly one of Nuku's arms whips
out and whaps Ataru across the room casually.

ATARU: OW!

RANMA: Whoa.

WASHU: Aaaah, nice form. Very nice, very nice. [claps twice]
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Nuku-Nuku blinked. She was somewhat surprised by the rather
violent reaction that just occurred. Inside, she sensed that a program
had just been run that was recently installed into her bionics...
'a-h.exe'. So, that's what papa-san meant when he said he'd make
sure she wouldn't be troubled by perverts...

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CAMERA: Ranma, Kyosuke, and Ataru are sitting around the breakfast table,
with empty dishes on it. Ataru adjusts an ice pack while
Ranma looks through the papers with a grim expression. Kyosuke is
watching the mini-tv in the kitchen. Washu is gone, but Nuku is
still there and munching on some fish heads. Ranma glances at
Nuku nervously while she chews and meows, then buries his nose
into a section of newspaper.

ATARU: Oy, Saotome, whatcha doin?

RANMA: [frowning] Gotta get a job.

ATARU: Job?

RANMA: They ain't providing free food, y'know.

ATARU: Ah! I forgot! Gimmie one of those pages...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ataru looked through the job section of the newspaper with a feeling of
doom. Work? Him? WORK? He hadn't forseen this eventuality. What sort
of job was out there that he would WANT to do? With a scowl, he looked
over the listings.

Construction? Nope.

Waiter? Maybe.

Male strip dancer? Hm.... no no no.

Where, he wondered, were all those great jobs, like manservant to a
fabulously wealthy and gorgeous woman, when you needed them?

Urd strolled by in a t-shirt, shorts, and robe, putting a coffee cup in
the sink. Sensing high anxiety, she asked, "Hey, what's with you guys?"

"Job hunting," said Ranma and Ataru simultaneously.

"Oh. Well, good luck," she said, shrugging, and moved to exit the
kitchen.

"Hey!" said Ataru. "Don't you need a job too?"

"What, me?" said Urd, blinking. It was clear that she wasn't a morning
person. "I'm a Goddess," she replied groggily, "I don't need a job." With
that said, she left the room.

"Jeez," muttered Ranma. "Talk about havin' a high opinion of
yourself."

"I HEARD THAT!" yelled Urd from somewhere else.

Ataru shrugged, grinning. "With a body like hers, I don't care."

At that moment, an unseen force whapped Ataru's head from behind.

*

Ranma sighed.

He looked hard for a job in this town, but the requirements for those
jobs were far above and beyond what Ranma had in terms of experience and
education. The few jobs left payed a pitiful amount, except the one
job that actually offered good pay... and didn't seem too hard. He had
experience in it too. He just hoped that nobody he knew would see him.

*

Nuku bicycled her way to work, ignoring the screaming and panic that
her 60 mile an hour drive by bicycle caused amongst the people in the
sidewalks and on the street. People... funny how they panicked so easily.
Alot like mice.

Her job at the moment was as a waitress at Akie's, a family oriented
diner that was, by coincidence, owned by her 'mama-san'. For a while, she
was left unemployed, as a result of two of her 'friends' playing with the
heavy artillery again, destroying the restaraunt in a blaze of gun and
rocket fire.

But as fate would have it, Akie's was so successfull that it's owner,
Akiko Mishima (mama-san) rebuilt it, and asked her to come back and work
there again.

Today, as she strode into the restaraunt, her senses picked up a
familiar scent. Her manager took her by the shoulder before she could
think about it too much longer.

"Natsume, let me introduce you to our new employee! This is Ranko
Tendo." Before them stood a familiar looking girl with a pig-tail, who
seemed suddenly nervous when she saw Nuku. "Cover her if she needs any
help, okay?" The manager walked off, leaving the two girls alone at the
counter.

"Um... hi," she said nervously.

The look, the way she acted nervous, the scent... it definitely seemed
familiar. She meowed idly and Ranko shuddered. Just like Ranma did...

Ranma wasn't feeling too good. Up until now, she'd managed to keep her
little 'secret' a secret. But at the moment, she didn't like the way Nuku
was examining her. Did she know? How could she even suspect? And WHY,
he wondered, did she have to act so much like a cat? It gave her the
creeps.

"Are you..." began Nuku, "a sister of Ranma?"

"Huh?"

"You look like him and act like him and you smell like him too," she
observed. Ranma blinked at the part about smell.

"Um... I'm a... a... a distant relative."

"Oh. Okay!"

Aside from that one moment, the day went rather smoothly for the two of
them. Ranma couldn't help but notice four individuals, one with glasses,
one big, one skinny, and one short, that looked suspiciously like the
Furinkan High Chem Club, ogling at Nuku-Nuku.

*

Ataru grinned blissfully, chuckling every couple of minutes. He could
barely contain the giddy feeling that was running through his veins. Of
all the luck!

"Washboy, over heeere," said a seductive, womanly voice.

"Yes m'am! Right away!" He chuckled eagerly and raced across the
bathing room, his eyes absorbing every single detail and moment. Every
curve, every point, every centimeter of womanly skin that was exposed to
him. Everywhere, as far as the eye could see in this gigantic public
bath, there were women! Beautiful, wanting, willing, daring, sensual
women!

"Will you... wash my back?" said the woman who called Ataru over, a
long-haired brunette whose looks were beyond Ataru's ability to describe.

"C-certainly!"

He slowly poured water over the woman's back, admiring the way that the
water ran down her back in the utterly unique way that water runs when it
runs down a naked woman's back. Then he picked up a sponge, reached
forward.... and couldn't believe he was actually touching... massaging...
whoa. She slapped him gently, giggling. "Oh you naughty..."

*

"And lemme introduce you to our new delivery boy." The manager walked
Ranko and Nuku to the backroom, where a boy was snoring on a table, next
to a bicycle. He scowled when he noticed the snoring. "HEY YOU! WAKE
UP!"

There was a distinct chuckle, one that made Ranko's hair stand on end.
Nuku blinked, also thinking that that chuckle was awfully familiar.

"It can't be," muttered Ranko.

"MOROBOSHI! WAKE UP!" boomed the manager.

Ataru bolted upright, suddenly fully alert. "Yessir! Where to?! Right
away!"

Nuku smiled. It was always good to see familiar faces.

Ataru smiled. He was around beautiful women. It didn't take much more
than that to make him smile. "Ah, Nuku-chan!"

*WHAM*

The manager stared at Nuku, whose fist came up at a speed that was
unbelievable, preventing the new employee from giving her a glomp as he
was obviously intenting to do. Good, he thought, the girls can look after
themselves. Less to worry about. "Oy, Moroboshi! Get out of that hole
in the wall!"

*

Kyosuke timidly stuck his head into the busy newsroom, checking
occasionally a small piece of paper that he held in his hand. He scrambled
to stay out of the way as people ran back and forth with papers bunched in
their hands running all over the place.

"Um, excuse me... hello?" he said quietly as he tried to get help.
Nobody was standing still long enough to help him, though, as they were
busy yelling and scurrying to help him at all.

What, he wondered, was he to do? Kyosuke took a deep breath, looked
around, and decided to go with the flow.

"FUTAMATA-SAN! FUTAMATA-SAN!" He moved rapidly around the place,
yelling the name, and it had an immediate effect. People started pointing
in a particular direction, and he was eventually guided to a small cubicle
next to what appeared to be a darkroom entrance. A tall, lean, middle
aged man sat there, a day's worth of stubble on his face, shuffling
through several photographs and shifting an unlit cigarette in his mouth.
He was dressed appropriately for the office, with a navy blue suit, white
shirt, and tie. It had to be said, however, that he was in desperate need
of an iron, as his clothes seemed a little bit on the rumpled side.

"Um... Futamata-san?" Kyosuke nervously waved as he stuck his head
into the cubicle.

"Hm? Who's asking?"

"Sorry to disturb you, Futamata-san, I'm Kyosuke Kasuga... your new
assistant."

"Kasuga? Oh, Takashi's kid! Hey, have a seat, have a seat!"

*

"GETOFFAME!" *WHAM*

For the fourth time in as many hours, Ataru went flying across the
restaraunt. He landed, roughly, on the floor, at the feet of four very
familiar looking individuals. Ranko lowered her fist and stomped back
into the kitchen.

"Hey, you," said the one in glasses, "are you giving Miss Nuku or Miss
Ranko a hard time? Eh?!" His three companions stood behind him, glaring
at Ataru dangerously.

Ataru scrambled away, surprised. "M-Megane?!"

The one in glasses looked annoyed. "Eh? Who's Megane?" His
companions shrugged. Ataru took another look at this gang of four, and
realized that it wasn't Lum's Stormtroopers.

"Sorry, thought you were someone else." He wondered irritably if every
beautiful girl had a squad of four geek stormtrooper types. Oh well, back
to work. "Ranko-chaaaan!"

"Aw man, not again!"

Ranma didn't have to defend herself, though. The front door was blown
off it's hinges and Ataru was flattened against the far wall. Standing in
the doorway, with what appeared to be several absurdly large rifles, was a
very young girl, possibly 14 years old. If it wasn't for the fact that
the guns were definitely real and her eyes were glowing red, she'd be
cute. "Nuku-Nuku! COME OUT AND PLAY!!!" she yelled.

Nuku poked her head out from the back. "Eimi-chan! Yay!" To
everyone's surprise, Nuku raced forward and gave Eimi a running tackle
sort of hug. Unfortunately, that set off some of the weaponry.

"EVERYBODY DUCK!" yelled the manager. Bullets sprayed wildly across
the room, smoke grenades popped out and rolled everywhere, and one of
Eimi's rifles turned out to be, as everyone found out, the hard way, a
flame thrower.

*

Kyosuke was beginning to have some anxiety about his job.

It wasn't because it was his first day on the job, no.

It wasn't because his boss, Mr. Futamata, was, so far, a rather
fast-paced man.

It wasn't because they were precariously balanced high up in the
rafters. Actually, it was a little of that.

It was very much the large amount of high-power firearms being carried
by the bodyguards.

It was definitely the people the bodyguards were guarding, a large
meeting of Yakuza crime bosses. Definitely.

"Um... Mr. Futamata, is this a good idea?" he whispered nervously.

"Nothing ventured nothing gained, eh?" hissed Futamata. "Now be
quiet, watch the pro at work here."

*CLICK*

Kyosuke winced at the loud click of the camera, then saw bits of rust
fall down as Futamata shifted his position. The world seemed to shift
into slow motion for him as the rust drifted down.

He felt panic streaking through him. _Don't look up, don't look up,
don't look up, please don't look up!_

They looked up.

Kyosuke shut his eyes and concentrated hard. _There is nobody sitting
up in the rafters, there is nobody sitting up in the rafters, there is
nobody sitting up in the rafters...._

The guards saw nothing.

*CLICK*CLICK*CLICK*CLICK*

But they heard this really annoying clicking noise.

_You do not hear that clicking noise, you do not hear that clicking
noise..._ Kyosuke sweated from the strain of trying to sway the minds of
a large crowd of people. One wouldn't be so bad. But 30+ was beyond what
he ever dared to try.

"Heh," whispered Futamata, "they don't even suspect a thing. Hey,
Kasuga, you okay? You look constipated...."

*

The house was empty.

Well, almost. The drone of the television was on, the smell of popcorn
was drifting through the house, and a certain red-haired self-proclaimed
smartest being in the universe was slouched on the sofa, noisily munching
on said popcorn and absorbing the sights.

Lord Tenchi was half-human. Somehow, despite that, he had incredibly
high power levels. Despite his half-humanity... or because of it. Washu
had decided that understanding Tenchi's human half might be a good thing
to do. It was, after all, the dominating side of his persona. Actually,
it was the only side. He'd shown absolutely no trace of behaviour that
was unique to the Royalty of Jurai.

The other reason for the study of hers was, quite simply, humans were
pretty funny people.

Take for example the lady currently on the screen. She was wearing
some sort of exercise outfit, smiling, and talking enthusiastically about
the benefits of the HealthLord2000, a simple, flat plastic device that
one sat in and did something resembling the human exercise of 'situps' on.
Washu frowned, idly grabbed an electronic notepad from thin air, did a
few calculations, and frowned. If her study of human biology was correct,
then that device was actually... woefully inadequate. The concept was
almost sound, almost. The device just needed a change here, a change
there.

Hmm...

*

"Umm... remind me of why we're here?" Kyosuke asked nervously, wiping
some sweat from his head. He was still feeling ill from the effort it
took to get them away safely from the Yakuza site, even though that was
several hours ago. The location they were in now, an abandoned building,
seemed to be an improvement. Especially important was the lack of guns
and mobsters in the area.

"This building, it should be torn down. It's a public safety hazard.
It's also owned by a city council member. We're getting evidence that
it's a public hazard. Simple, right?"

"But... if it's going to fall apart at any moment... why are we in
it?"

"How does this building look from the outside?"

"Nice, actually," admitted Kyosuke.

"And from here? The inside?"

Kyosuke took a good look around. There was very little concrete
_inside_ the four floor building. The steel beams were rusty and exposed,
the floors had holes everywhere, and when they took steps, there was an
ominous creaking sound.

"Not very good, actually," he admitted.

"And with the city council about to buy some land, I hear that our
building owner here is going to profit quite a bit from the new
development program... conflict of interest you might say."

"Oh... I see."

"Well, let's take some pic... uh-oh. Did you hear that?"

There was a sound, a combination of grooaning metal and creaking wood.
It wasn't a pleasant sound for a building to have, especially when they
were in it.

"Uh-oh."

Then the creaking sound got louder. A large piece of concrete fell,
hitting Futamata on the head. He fell unconscious, and Kyosuke raced to
his side. Too much was happening. The whole building was going down on
them, right now. No choice, no choice at all.

One second later the building collapsed to the ground.

*

'Ranko' sighed with relief as her shift ended. Much to her relief,
Ataru was out making a delivery. The jerk was more grabby than Kuno had
ever been, and far more difficult to shake off. Maybe he was some distant
relative of Happosai. She shivered at the thought of those two teaming up
together.

Nuku worked full-time, so she'd still be at the restaraunt for a few
more hours. Poor girl, but at least she showed that she could take care
of that pervert by herself. For everyone, though, the worst part of the
day was the cleanup after Nuku's 'friend' swung by. No fun at all. Ranma
changed into her customary Chinese shirt and pants and sprang out of the
door, heading for 'home'.

As Ranma stood a few feet away from the perimiter of the house, he
realized there was a problem. He was still a she. This wouldn't do. And
there was nowhere nearby to get hot water. The roof seemed to be within
jumping range, though, if she got a running start... and she knew her
window was open.

Ataru hit the breaks on his bicycle as his girl-hunting senses told him
something important was happening. He looked around and realized he was a
block away, and in sight of his current 'home'.

And Ranko was standing in front of it.

In Ranma's clothes.

Ataru narrowed his eyes as he watched her leap a surprising distance
from the sidewalk to the roof, then sneak into Ranma's bedroom.

Oh-ho.

This was something to think about.

*

He blinked. Then he blinked some more. Finally, he decided to keep
his eyes open. It felt like a hangover, but he didn't recall drinking
just yet.

"Oww," mumbled Futamata, rubbing his head. "What happened?"

"The building," said Kasuga, pointing to a large pile of rubble nearby,
"collapsed. Some rock hit your head hit and you got knocked out. I
dragged us out before it all fell down.

"Ah," said Futatamata, "good going, Kasuga. God I need a cigarette."
He fumbled around his jacket for a lighter and some cigarettes. "Hey,
Kasuga, you okay? You look a little ill."

*

"Let's see... we adjust this like so... and bend that bit a little
more... A-HA!"

Washu, the world's greatest scientist had done it.

She'd created the ultimate salad shooter, and she was darn proud of it.

The mad scientist turned her attention back to the television, grinning
with pride. "Let's see what else these monkeys think is cutting edge,
eh?"

Strewn across the living room along with the Ultimate Salad Shooter
were several other devices. One resembled 'the clapper' but worked on a
much higher scale. It adjusted to whatever species the owner was, then
kept a constant brainwave watch for the thought patterns 'off' or 'on'.

There was the Ultimate Healthrider, which, in theory, should work
really well on humans. The user starts off by moving mechanical parts,
but when they want more effort, the machine intensifies the gravitational
field around it, making movement _very_ much harder. Not only that, but
the heavier gravity also made the lungs and heart work harder. A total
workout! These were but a few of the mighty inventions of Washu.

"Hey, what's with all this junk?" wondered Urd, walking in from the
kitchen with a bag of potato chips and a can of soda.

"Products of my genius," she said flatly.

"Oh... okay. You done with the television?"

"Hm... I haven't even begun modifying it..."

"No no no, I meant are you watching anything right now?"

"Well... no. Why?"

"My favorite soap opera is coming up," replied Urd.

"Favorite oap opera? Is it any good?"

"It's a drama show, lots of action and romance. Shows what makes'em
human, y'know?"

"Is that so..." Washu looked at Urd with some interest. "Is it
traditional to eat junk food while you watch these things?"

Urd shrugged. "Dunno, but I like doing it."

Washu nodded, went to the kitchen, and came back with several cans of
soda and several bags of junk food. Urd thought to ask why she had so
much food, but then figured it was part of her alien biology.

"So... explain to me who these people are?" asked Washu.

"Okay, first there's Kai, who's engaged to Ami..."

*

"So, how'd you like your first day on the job?" asked Futamata, resting
comfortably in his cubicle area. "Wasn't too bad, eh?"

"Zzzzzz..."

"Kasuga?"

"..zzz.."

"Tsk, rookies." Futamata sighed, grinning, and stepped outside to take
a cigarette break. Kasuga, on the other hand, was passed out on a chair,
with an ice pack on his head.

It was at this moment that Futamata's boss stepped in...

"KASUGA!"

"Yaaaah! Yessir!"

Futamata's boss, simply known as 'the Chief', was a stout man. Short,
but with an overpowering personality. It went with the 30 years of
experience he had in the journalism industry. An interesting quirk to his
personality was that he was loud, very loud, and almost all the time. It
was said that the last thing one wanted to do in that building was get
stuck in an elevator with the Chief, else your hearing might be lost.

"KASUGA! YOU'RE THE KID ON THAT NEW TELEVISION SHOW, RIGHT?"

"Y-yessir!" Kyosuke's head as rattling as his eardrums took the
onslaught of the intense sound waves.

"DO ME A FAVOR, WILLYA? HAND THIS TO YOUR ROOMMATE, THAT GAIJIN LADY,
WHAZZERNAME...."

"Um.... Washu?" offered Kyosuke, who was now wincing badly and seeing
double.

"NO, THAT'S NOT IT..."

"Um.... Urd?"

"URD! THAT'S THE ONE! HAND THIS TO URD, WILLYA? THANKS, KID!"

Kasuga nodded (actually, his head snapped back and forth from the force
of the sound waves hitting his face) and stumbled out of the office,
heading for the infirmary where he hoped there'd be some tylenol.

*

What he was in the middle of was one of the most misunderstood
activities in the world.

What many people didn't understand was that this was an art form,
really, just as much as poetry, or dance, or martial arts was. It was
practiced for as long as mankind had created them, really.

The art of panty theft.

And at the moment, Ataru Moroboshi was one of the top ten practicioners
in the world, and also going through a boy's room. This, of course, was
not standard practice, and most panty-thieves would die in shame if they'd
ever get caught in this situation. A panty thief of Ataru's level would
have to have a strong reason for raiding a fellow man's drawers.

And he did.

The suspicion was that Ranma Saotome's 'distant relative' was not at
all what she seemed to be, not at all. Of course, finding proof in
Ranma's underwear drawer was a bit risky, but where else would a man
expect nobody else to dig at? He was sure there was evidence to be found
there. And now, after all, was the perfect time for him to strike, since
Ranma was in the bath.

And of course, this is the moment that Urd chose to stick her head into
the room. She knew he was there, else there'd be no other reason for her
to go there. She also wanted a little fun, and this was the PERFECT
moment to strike, was it not?

"Hello? Is any-.. oooh, Ataru! Whatever are you doing in here?"

Ataru froze in mid-search, a pair of Ranma's boxers in his hand.

"This... ah... this isn't what it looks like, really."

"There's no need to be shy about this," said Urd, smiling.

"I'M NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Tell you what, I won't tell Ranma, okay? I know you want to get to
know him first, ne?" With a wink and a smile, Urd closed the door and
headed back to the living room for some more daytime drama tv.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CAMERA: [(hallway camera) view of Urd strolling away from a door, looking
fairly pleased with herself.]

ATARU: (emerging from doorway, underwear in fist, fist shaking at Urd)
"It isn't what ya think!"

CAMERA: [Ataru blinks, looks at the hallway camera, turns incredibly pale,
hides the underwear behind his back, and heads back to Ranma's
room _fast_]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

*

Kyosuke sighed, walking through the little suburbia that was his new
neighborhood. It was, to put it mildly, a rough day. What he desired
right now was nothing. Absolutely nothing. No noise, no action, nothing
that would rattle his senses. Pushing his powers to the limit left him in
a state not unlike a hangover. He was exhausted, his head was throbbing,
and his senses were heightened to painfully sensitive levels.

"Kyosuke! HIII!"

"EEEEYAAAH!" *THUD*

Nuku looked down curiously at her housemate, wondering why he'd just
fainted now. "Um... Kyosuke? Hello?" She poked him gently a few times
and ran through a checklist of things that usually cause her to pass out.

Was he out of energy? Nuku poked around looking for his control panel,
then realized that he wouldn't have one.

Did someone clong him on the head? Didn't seem like it, and she hadn't
heard the customary rounds of explosives and wrenching of property that
usually heralded or was left in the wake of a visit by her good friend Eimi
or her friends from Mishima Heavy Industries.

After concluding that it must be some human thing she hadn't quite
understood yet, Nuku shrugged and easily hefted him over her shoulder.

*

After three hours of daytime drama TV, Washu had a conclusion about the
human race. It was a little hard for her to believe, but she'd just been
watching the evidence. The only other species that had anything close to
'daytime drama TV' in the universe was the blorple.

To understand why this was odd to Washu requires an understanding of
what the blorple are. They are, to put it in layman's terms, large
intelligent lumps of protoplasm. Tenchi described them as "large potato
things" once. Mihoshi thought highly of them: she was wildly addicted to
their drama shows, frequently becoming a sobbing wreck after watching an
hour's worth of it. Washu had to admit, the shows were... addictive. She
found herself watching it as well, but the distinction between the blorple
and the other races were that they were one of the few races to be
shameless enough to _make_ them. It was one of the universe's guilty
pleasures, _someone_ had to make it.

To have something in common with a race like _that_ may or may not be a
good thing. What nudged it on the side of being not a good thing was that
across a fair portion of the galaxy, to be called a blorple was an insult
that almost demanded a violent reply.

One fact was obvious, though. She'd just have to do more tests. But
who would the subject be? _Whoever walks by here first_ she mused.

"Hey, what'cha watching?" asked Ataru, suddenly next to Urd with his
arm around her.

*WHAP* "Hands off, lecher," she sneered. Ataru popped his neck back
into place and headed off to the kitchen.

"Ataru, are you busy tomorrow night?" asked Washu, suddenly in her
'adult' form. The lecher reacted exactly like she wanted him to, with his
IQ dropping and his willingness to say 'yes' to anything overwhelming.

"Busy! No, not at all! In fact, I'm free right now," he said,
suddenly sitting next to her on the couch, an arm already wrapped around
her.

*WHAM*

"_Tomorrow_ night, I said," emphasised Washu, smiling sweetly. Urd
gave her an 'are you insane?' sort of glance, to which Washu replied with
a 'trust me, I know what I'm doing, heheh' sort of grin. Urd replied
quickly with her own grin, which said 'oh-ho'.

Gentlemen in the audience, if the women around you start exchanging
looks but not words, you know you're in trouble. Now, back to the show...

The daytime dramas were all done, leaving Urd once more in a bored
state. Something had to be done. She looked around and really wished the
cameraman/kuroko guy was still here. It was fun to tease him with really
risque poses and such, but it seemed he was needed on assignment somewhere
else and they didn't have anyone else to replace him. Pity, that.

But the cameras in the house were still in place... so...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
CAMERA: the living room, where Washu is watching the commercials roll by
and idly typing notes into a sort of keyboard that was floating in
mid-air while she was lounging on the couch. Urd was on another
couch, with a cup of tea in her hand looking quite relaxed.

URD: (looks straight at camera briefly, grinning, then turns her head to
the kitchen) HEY! ATARU! YOU DONE TAKIN' RANMA'S UNDERWEAR?

CAMERA: view switches to the kitchen, where Ataru has just spit out some
soda and is now coughing violently. He pounds his chest a bit,
trying to clear it.

ATARU: *COUGH*COUGH* I TOLD YOU IT ISN'T LIKE THAT! *wheeze*

CAMERA: view switches back to living room, where Urd is snickering badly
and Washu is smiling a bit herself.

WASHU: (yelling towards kitchen) So, what were you stealing them for?

ATARU: (from kitchen) HEY! STOP ASKING ME THAT!

URD: (still snickering) He's shy about it, let him be. Besides, maybe
you can find out tomorrow night, hm?

RANMA: (walking into the room) Hey, what's all the noise about?

ATARU: (from the kitchen) SHUT UP!

RANMA: Jeez, ain't he grumpy. Hey, anybody watching the tv? I wanna see
what's going on in the Martial Arts Channel...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later....

"I'M HOOOOME!" yelled Nuku cheerfully. She walked through the door,
ignored the odd looks she was receiving from everyone (or didn't notice,
it was hard to tell with her) and put Kyosuke on the couch (and
coincidentally, next to Urd).

"So," wondered Urd, stroking the unconscious ESPer's hair gently, "what
happened to the kid?"

"Nuku doesn't know," said the android, "Nuku said hi and then he
fainted! Uh-oh! Have to get started on making dinner!" And with that
said, Nuku rushed off to the kitchen, pausing only to foil another glomp
attempt by Ataru and drive his face into the floor.

Urd put a fingertip on Kyosuke's head and probed gently into his mind.
She sensed... panic... fear... danger... explosions... guns... and a
really loud voice. "He's stressed out, poor kid," she said, then gently
put his head in her lap and massaged his temples. Urd liked this one. Of
the four boys, this one was the most innocent, young, and polite. He
brought out a sort of maternal instinct in her.

Washu gave Urd a sidewards glance and said, "So... is this a mating
ritual, maternal instinct, or just flat-out sympathy?"

"Hm?" Urd blinked a bit and looked at Washu as if she was insane.
"Mating ritual?" Washu shrugged. "No, definitely not _that_. He's a
nice kid, that's all."

"So mating ritual is out," muttered Washu, typing something into her
floating keyboard. "Sympathy or maternal instinct?"

"What is this, a survey?"

"A study, actually."

"Oh."

Through all this, it should be noted that Ranma was sitting by the
television, silently, and allowed his brain to be sponged by the best
martial arts that cable TV could give him. It wasn't that he didn't
notice the rather... interesting position that Kyosuke was in. He had
enough problem with women on his own, and was strongly determined to not
get into any more trouble.

Ataru, who was walking back into the living room from the kitchen, had
no such worries. He was immediately by Urd's side. "Urd-samaaa! I've
got a headache too!"

"Well then," replied Urd, "Come a little closer."

"Yes m'am!"

Urd leaned forward, seductively towards Ataru.

***ZAP***

It was at this time that young Kyosuke had the good (or bad, depending
on one's point of view) fortune to wake up.

With his head in her lap.

And her leaning forward.

It was obvious that Madoka would kill him for this. Definitely.

"Ah... er... U-Urd-san?" he stuttered weakly.

Urd blinked. "Hm? Oh, Kasuga, you're awake. Feel any better?"

He stopped to think about it and actually, yes, his headache was gone.
"Yes, much better." No, he realized, _that_ wouldn't come out sounding
right. "I-I-I mean, I don't have a headache anymore. C-can I stand up
now, please?"

"Glad you're feeling better," she said, ruffling his hair a bit as he
sat up. "You looked really stressed out."

"I did?" That's odd, he thought. He didn't remember coming home.
"Urd-san... when did I get home?"

"A few minutes ago, Nuku carried you in."

"Carried?"

Urd nodded. Kyosuke sighed. Wasn't the point of this all to get
_away_ from situations like this? "I'm... gonna go to my room for a
while," he said. "Oh yeah, Urd-san, my boss wanted me to give this to
you." He pulled out an envelope from his pocket and handed it to her,
then carefully walked around the unconscious, smoking Ataru and plodded
wearily to his room.

"Now what can this be?" muttered Urd as she tore open the envelope and
pulled out the letter within. "Hm.... Dear Miss Urd... hmm...
mmm-hmm..." A grin slowly made it's way across her face, until it
developed into a grin of almost frightening proportions. This, she
thought, was _perfect_. Just the thing for a goddess of her talents.
Kami-sama must've been feeling kind today, surely. And would she waste
this golden opportunity? Surely not! Urd began laughing, at first
quietly, then rising to a frightening cresendo. "HAHAHAAA! Look out
Tokyo, here I come!"

*

--------------------------------------------------------------------
CAMERA: (kitchen-cam by table) As usual, 6 of the 7 residents were
seated and busy finishing off the remains of dinner.

NUKU: (looking hopefully at everyone) Nuku hopes the dinner was okay.

WASHU: It was good, Nuku. (scratches Nuku's hair briefly).

ATARU: (sounding a bit confused) I... never had spaghetti with fish
before. Not bad, but strange.

RANMA: (shrugging) I've had worse.

URD: (somewhat seductively) Kasuga, I've got a surprise for you.

KASUGA: (suddenly starts choking on his food. He pounds his chest while
reaching for his drink and coughing violently. Nuku blinks and
casually goes behind him and whaps him in the back.) *COUGH*
Thanks. (Looks at Urd, sweating) Surprise?

URD: (puts on a big grin) I'm going to be a guest columnist at
your paper!

KASUGA: Oh? (looks relieved) Guest columnist?

URD: People will write in with their relationship problems, and I'll
solve their problems. Great, eh? (Kasuga nods in agreement, then
goes back to finishing off his drink.

ATARU: (pokes Ranma) Oy, Saotome.

RANMA: Yeah, what?

ATARU: Today, I....

URD: (interrupting) was going through your underwear.

RANMA: (spits out drink) WHAT?!

ATARU: (turning towards Urd suddenly) IT ISN'T LIKE THAT!

URD: (grinning) Oh, don't be shy now.

RANMA: (grabbing Ataru by his shirt, looking incredibly angry)
YOU DID WHAT?!

ATARU: Aheh... it isn't what it sounds like... (takes off running)

RANMA: Hey! (zooms off in pursuit)
--------------------------------------------------------------------

*

Silence.

This was a rare thing in this particular household, but it was
happening. The second floor, and all it's odd inhabitants, were fast
asleep.

Ranma was having a dream about Akane and her wretched cooking,
but for some reason he was smiling anyways.

Ataru's usual dream of a harem was enriched by the addition of Ranko,
Nuku, and the ever-so-lovely Urd. It was, anyways, until the moment that
the dream-Urd took a moment to slap Ataru silly then vanish in a puff of
smoke.

Kyosuke was having another kind of dream entirely... one that he'd
suspect in the morning was more than a dream, but a premonition of things
to come...

He was running across a beach... a great wide open beach,
and there was his love... Madoka Ayukawa...

"Madoka-chaaaan!"

*GLOMP*

"Kasuga, you... JERK!!!"

-slapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslap-

Needless to say, his sleep was not restful.

Meanwhile, most of the downstairs residents were unconscious as well.

Washu was somewhere within her dimensionally mobile infinite
laboratory, snoozing peacefully.

Urd took a brief moment in dreamspace to slap Ataru silly, then allowed
her mind to drift, and she dreamed of past times when she was still
amongst the heavens.

Mamoru was out, which was normal at this time of night.

A Galaxy Police officer crept out of Washu's door, looking somewhat
dazed and very confused.

Were this the Masaki residence, this wouldn't have been odd.

But it wasn't.

"Ara? Mihoshi is lost? What is this place?" The blond Galaxy Police
officer looked around, confusion sadly obvious on her face. "Where is
everybody? It's so small here! Everything's changed..."

Mihoshi wandered around the dark halls, shaking in fear. She tried
several doors, but they were all locked. This made her nervous,
understandably so. Out of habit, she took out her cube and started
nervously fumbling around with it while wandering around. "Ara?" she
whispered. "Tenchi? Hello? Hello? Tenchi? Washu? Ryouko? Aeka?
Hello?"

*

Mamoru slid through his bedroom window, careful to not make a sound.
That clash with the youma was a bit tiring, but he still had a date to
keep with a special sailor scout tonight. And he wouldn't really want to
cancel that. It was a bit late, he admitted, but there were still a few
good places he could bring her to.

As he stood there, thumbing through his closet, he realized that his
tuxedo would do just fine. He put his hat, mask, and cane in the back of
the closet, behind several other large masses of clothes. Then, pausing
to look at the mirror and brush off some stray lint, he started to make
his way out.

It was when he was halfway out, with one leg on the outside, that
someone opened the door, screamed in surprise, and blasted him.

*

Ranma ran downstairs. He knew trouble when he heard it, and that
scream was trouble. As he passed by their doors, Kyosuke, Ataru, and Nuku
emerged as well. Apparently they were awakened up by the scream too. He
passed a groggy Urd and turned to Chiba's room (it was noticable mainly
because the door was actually open, which was a rare thing).

He stopped in his tracks and was entirely unsure of what to do at the
sight he was witnessing next. Urd, Nuku, and the other boys soon peered
from the doorway as well.

"Oh-ho, what's this?" said Ataru.

"What's with all the noise?" grumbled Washu, who literally came from
nowhere and marched through the doorway. She immediately regretted it.
"Oh. Mihoshi."

"Washu? WAI! Mihoshi was so lost!"

Meanwhile, Washu and Ataru took an interest in the ridiculously massive
ice block that was currently stuck in the window of Chiba's room. And
then there was the matter of what was _inside_ that block of ice. "So...
this is what he wears at night," observed Ataru.

"Fancy dresser, ne?" said Urd.

"Mihoshi was so scared!" explained the officer. "I was lost, and
wandering, and suddenly this man was in the window in this dark room and I
thought he was a criminal!"

"And you..." wondered Washu.

"Idroppedthecubeandsomethingshotoutandthenhewaslikethat!" Mihoshi said
in a hurry. It was obvious she was nervous, confused and embarrased.
"Did I do a bad thing? I didn't mean to!"

Washu looked Chiba over with an amused smile. "We're not sure yet.
Come on, I'll bring you back to Tenchi-sama..."

Ataru was grinning rather villianously. "Yo! Tux-boy! How's things?"
he asked as he knocked on the ice.

"You know... that's a catchy nickname," said Urd.

"What is?" wondered Kyosuke.

"Tux-boy. Kinda rolls off the tongue, hm?"

*

THE NEXT MORNING

---------------------------------------------------------------------
CAMERA: (hallway, in front of bathroom. Mamoru exits, wearing a bathrobe,
Urd passes by on her way to the bathroom.)

URD: 'Morning, Tux-boy. (Mamoru's left eye twitches.)

CAMERA: (kitchen, Nuku's cooking breakfast yet again, Ranma, Ataru, and
Kyosuke are sitting & eating. Mamoru zooms in quickly and grabs
a small bottle of orange juice.)

ATARU: Hi, Tux-boy! (Mamoru winces, quickly finishes his drink, and
leaves the kitchen.)

NUKU: (waving) Baibai, Tux-boy-kun! (sounds of someone tripping on
something from off camera)
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Mamoru sighed, resting his head in his hands. He was waiting for
Usagi... they were supposed to meet and go somewhere. Hopefully, it would
lighten his mood.

"Hihi Tux-boy!"

"Don't _you_ start..."

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE LAB....

Ataru was naked and on a woman's bed.

Normally, this wouldn't be a bad thing. For Ataru, anyways.

The bed being metal was a bit of a mood killer. The iron restraints
were a bit kinky, though. The metal probes were definitely a turn-off.
He was hoping it was some sort of alien foreplay, as Washu seemed to be
getting a kick out of it. But then she left.

And it had been several hours since Ataru saw Washu...

Those iron restraints were beginning to chafe.

It was definitely time to panic.

"Washu-sama! Hello?"

"Washu-chaaaaaan!"

"Oy! Washuuuuuuuuuu!"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

-end part 4-

NEXT EPISIDE:
It's Urd time. Nuff said.

-Rod M.
-rpm3...@bayou.uh.edu

--------------------------------------------------------------
CREDITS AND LEGAL JARGON

Mihoshi@ffml - Consultant for the character of 'Mihoshi' =)
Isabel Arantes - concept creator
R. Beaubien - overdosed me on SM facts %O
Hitomi I. - Tux-boy advocate
White Wolf
J. Hedge
P. L. Ward - A!MG! consultation
J. Blackman
J. Fong
D. Bateson
R.K. Bentley
H. Sora
W. Lik
D. L. Pinnock

anybody else on the fanfic ML that I forgot. Don't mean I don't
appreciate ya, it's just that there's alot of you out there. =)

OWNERSHIP 'n stuff

The Real World is done by some guy at MTV.
Ranma 1/2 & Urusei Yatsura created by Rumiko Takahashi.
Kimagure Orange Road created by Matsumoto Izumi.
Sailor Moon created by Takeuchi Naoko.
Tenchi Muyo created by
All Purpose Cat Girl Nuku Nuku created by Takada Yuuzou.
Ah! My Godess! created by Fujishima Kosuke.