[Ranma][FanFic] Girl Days - Part Four

[Rob]

Girl Days

A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction

by Robert Haynie

(insert that old disclaimer that we know so well here)

Part Four-- Amazon Days?

####

"Aw, come ON."

"Don't wanna, Akane."

"But you look so kawaii in that outfit, Ranma-chan."

"(wince) Don't WANNA, Kasumi."

"I'll... knock 5000 yen off your debt."

"..."

"AND buy you that DragonBall Z volume."

"Deal."

And Ranma Saotome went to her room to change into THAT dress.

####

If there was anything truly good about the Girl Days training, it
was that Ranma had her own room. And that Pops was sleeping in the
dojo (being banished there by Nodoka, who had NOT quite forgiven him
for his apparent desire to win the all time baka award). The room
had been slightly redecorated, true-- Ranma needed the vanity for her
makeup practice, and had a small but now complete wardrobe-- but it
was HERS, all hers.

It was also somewhat schizophrenic to the uninformed eye.

In tribute to her masculine soul, there were a few Jackie Chan
posters, a collection of shonen manga, and a box containing her-- at
the moment-- forbidden boxer shorts.

In tribute to Nodoka's firm belief that there was also a feminine
soul involved, there was fancily feminine sheets on Ranma's futon, a
full size mirror, and... two stuffed animals.

Ranma was REALLY beginning to worry about her mother. The
stuffed panda was, she supposed, a sop to her no longer sleeping with
her father. As if she missed THAT.

But the plush black pig toy? Either Nodoka was WAY more
observant than Ranma thought or there was some really really WIERD
cosmic something-that-Ranma-couldn't-remember-the-word-for going on.
Probably both.

Ranma sighed... and put on the Dress.

####

"Oooh... it looks SO good on you, Ranma!" Nabiki teased.

While Ranma fumed.

It was a Chinese-styled minidress, pretty much the same thing
that Shampoo favored. A deep burgundy with gold trim and embroidery,
it had one advantage as far as Ranma was concerned-- it did not
require a bra. It fit WAY to close for that-- it was (as Genma was
not) self supporting. It made Ranma look... well... sexy. Which
Ranma was not entirely pleased with.

"Wrong panties, though," added Nabiki, flipping what there was of
the skirt.

"HEY! What is this, pervert's 'r' us?" protested Ranma.

"Oh, calm down. I just mean that with such a sexy outfit, you
should wear underwear that matches it. Losing a lot of the effect
that way, after all."

"Don't WANNA make any effect," grumbled Ranma, trying disparately
not to blush-- and failing miserably.

"Oh, my... Nabiki, is that really needful? Ranma's not going to
be showing anyone her panties, after all," said a equally reddening
Kasumi.

"In that dress, can she HELP it? OW!"

Ranma didn't hit girls. Akane had no such compunctions, and had
elbowed Nabiki with some force.

"All right, all right. But I still say... in fact..."

(I'm NOT gonna like this, I just KNOW it,) thought the trainee
girl.

"Makeover time!"

(I was right.)

####

"If I may quote Kuno-- I despise you."

Nabiki just laughed. "But you look so Amazon, Ranma."

"That's why I despise you," retorted Ranma, looking in the
mirror. Nabiki had redone her hair in a style reminiscent of
Shampoos-- shorter, but there were the twin buns and ponytails.
Short ponytails, but there. If Shampoo had been a redhead the look
would have been scary. Hell, thought Ranma, it WAS scary.

Akane hmmphed. "Next she'll start glomping people."

"Akane, you KNOW I don't like it when she does that," Ranma
complained.

"Then why don't you just push her off, baka?"

"It's not that easy. The Amazon Glomp happens to be a very
advanced martial arts maneuver. You can't just push the attacker
off, except in one way, which... which I don't wanna do."

"I don't believe this! You're trying to tell me that that
bimbo's hugs are some sort of martial arts?"

"You got it," Ranma replied.

"Hmmph. Prove it."

Ranma got a wicked gleam in her eye. "OK."

Now, Ranma had been on the receiving end of many many Amazon
Glomps. She knew EXACTLY how they were done. And she decided that
the only way Akane would understand would be to... heh.

"AIREN!"

"H-huh?" stammered Akane-- before finding herself in a fierce
embrace. Ranma was hugging her. Passionately. Akane struggled for
a moment, and then realized that this was EASY to get out of, just
like she'd told Ranma. All she had to do was push--

And Akane went tomato red as she realized WHERE she'd have to
push.

"Wo Ai Ni," giggled Ranma.

"Ranma-- I can't just grab your-- your-- so, that's why..."

Ranma released the Glomp. "Yep. I get hammered enough without
grabbing her THERE in front of you. Not that I wanna grab her there
away from you... but now you see?"

Somewhat shamefacedly, Akane nodded. "It's... a martial arts
technique, after all, I guess..."

Nabiki pulled out a paperback, and thumbed through it. "More
like a marital arts technique. Grabbing an Amazon's boobs during a
glomp to escape implies total acceptance of the professed marriage."

Ranma and Akane blinked. "It DOES?" they sputtered in unison.

"Yep. Good thing Ranma never did use the escape maneuver, eh?"

Ranma shuddered at the thought that she'd come very very close to
really getting herself in a bind at times. Then she paused. "Hey,
how do you know that, Nabiki?"

Nabiki held up the paperback. "The Pocket guide to Chinese
Amazon Law. I bought it off the internet."

"Where do they sell something like THAT?!?"

"Amazon.com. Hmm... you think there's a connection?"

Ranma, Akane, and even Kasumi groaned.

Nabiki paused, and then that look in her eyes appeared. The one
that meant she had an idea that was connected to her one interest in
life outside of money (that she would admit to). Mischief.

"You know, something didn't look right about that glomp...
c'mere, Akane."

"What? Wait-- lemme go, what are you doing?" protested Akane as
Nabiki dragged her out of the room. As they left, Nabiki added, "And
Ranma, don't change yet."

Kasumi and Ranma stared at each other, as sounds of protest came
from another room. Then Nabiki returned, Akane in tow-- and Kasumi
giggled furiously, while Ranma just fell back laughing, legs kicking
in air in sheer hilarity.

Akane just stood and fumed, in one of Ranma's Chinese outfits--
black pants, red sleeveless shirt, arm bracers-- even a clip-on faux
pigtail.

"NOW you two look right," snickered Nabiki.

"It's not that funny, Ranma," growled Akane.

Ranma looked at her with sudden wide eyes. And in a
devastatingly accurate Shampoo impression, replied, "Ranma think
Akane look nice like that. Akane take Ranma to date now?"

Nabiki collapsed in laughter.

"Oh, my... there is something missing still, I think." Kasumi
left the room.

"Now what?" grimaced Akane.

In a moment, Kasumi returned. "Ranma's friends are always
leaving their toys, and this completes the look." She presented
Ranma with a pair of bonbori.

This time, everyone started to laugh. Even Ranma, who posed with
the Chinese maces, and activated her "Cute as a million puppies"
look.

"This is TOO rich... Oh, Akane? Ranma? Want to have some fun?"

"Whatcha mean, Nabiki?" asked Ranma.

"Well... our fathers are downstairs, and..."

Akane grinned. And doing a surprisingly good impression of
Ranma's usual masculine drawl, replied, "Might be kinda fun. But
don't get the idea I wanna dress like this all the time. Ain't like
I got no masculinity to reinforce, after all."

Ranma collapsed in laughter again.

####

"My wife's plans worry me, Tendo."

"I'm sure she means well, Saotome. But they worry me also.
Suppose she succeeds too well?"

The two were again at the table they seemed to spend half their
lives at. Weither shogi, go, or chess, there was always some game
going on. Although this game wasn't any of the above.

"Tapping for three red mana. Fireball."

"I have to admit, Tendo, this Magic is interesting."

"It is, isn't it? And--"

"Look-- the Winged Victory of Samothrace!" interrupted Genma,
pointing. While Soun looked, Genma drew a Circle of Protection-Red
from his sleeve and laid it down.

Soun looked back. "I didn't see any-- when did you play that?
Oh, well..."

It should be noted that the main reason that Soun and Genma never
played Tic-Tac-Toe or Junken Pow was that there was no way to cheat.

At the dinner table, Nodoka sighed, and returned to her tea.
Sometimes she despaired of her husband ever truly growing up. She
looked up at the sound of slippered feet coming downstairs, and began
to scowl. Ranma KNEW she wasn't supposed to wear her Chinese--

Wait. That wasn't Ranma.

"Akane, why are you dressed like that?"

"Ah, felt like a change, ne? Ain't anything wrong with that, is
there?" Akane replied, imitating Ranma again.

Genma turned, and boggled. Soun took advantage of Genma's
distraction to sneak in five extra life tokens, and then looked
himself-- and also boggled.

"Akane," Soun cried, "What are you WEARING?"

"S'matter, pops? Girl can't try out a different style once in a
while? Yeesh, you'd think I was running around naked or sumpthin'."

Nodoka stared.

So did Soun.

And Genma. There was much staring going around.

"Akane should be respectful to elders. Even if only men. Except
probably stupid panda-man," a lilting voice interjected.

Staring escalated to boggling to nearly freaking. A Ranma-esqe
Akane was weird enough. An Amazon Ranma was... well, about three
blocks south of the Twilight Zone, and approaching at a quick clip.

Ranma easily skipped down the stairs, carrying her bonbori, and
grinning. "What wrong? Panda never see Japanese Amazon before?"

"Ah, yer old man never had a clue in the first place," retorted
Akane.

Soun exploded into tears. "WAHHHHH! My daughter think's she's a
boy and my future son-in-law thinks he's a amazon girl!
WAHHHHHH!!!!!"

"Nodoka, this is all your fault! Your insane training has caused
our son's mind to snap!" accused Genma.

And Nodoka-- began to giggle. "Bravo, dears. An excellent
performance."

The two bowed. Well, Akane bowed, but Ranma-- in a burst of
sudden pixieness-- curtsied. "Mother too nice to Ranma," she
replied, keeping the act up.

"Yeah," Akane added, following suit, "Pretty decent of ya to say
so."

As the two fathers stared, still uncomprehending, Nodoka burst
into laughter.

"Hey," Nabiki interjected (having just come out of hiding with
Kasumi), "You two are pretty good at this. I have a little
proposition for you...

####

"So we do this all day, and I get 20000 off my debt and THREE DBZ
manga volumes?"

"And I get that kawaii hat I liked the other day?"

"That's the deal, you two." Nabiki smiled.

"But what do you get out of it for yourself?" asked Ranma. "I
don't see where you profit by this..."

"Oh, for once, it's not about money. It's about the single
greatest practical joke ever played on the whole ward of Nerima. You
two in?"

The two wrongly dressed girls looked at each other.

"Ranma in."

"Yeah, sure, I'll go for it too. Can't let the neo-bimbo go it
alone."

"Girls who call other girls names go to bad place."

"What-- like your room?"

"Oooh! Akane want come Ranma's room? Have only to ask!"

"That's not what I meant..." Akane actually sweatdropped.

Nabiki smiled. These two were GOOD at this...

####

Akane stepped down to the dojo to practice for a bit. Nabiki had
insisted that they go out in the costumes (as Akane was thinking of
them now) but not right away. She started a simple kata that she'd
learned once from Ranma.

And froze at the sudden cry of "AIREN!" that she recognized as
NOT being Ranma.

Crash.

Glomp.

"Airen take Shampoo out on date? Airen... airen is... pervert
girl?"

Akane hesitated for a moment-- only a moment-- and then got into
"character".

"Who you callin' a pervert? You're the one glomping ME, you
know."

Shampoo released her hold, and drew back. "But.. but... why
Akane dressed like Ranma?"

"I ain't dressed like Ranma," replied Akane, with technical
accuracy. Ranma wasn't dressed like this right now after all.

"Why Akane TALK like Ranma?" demanded Shampoo.

"Aw, Shampoo, Ranma don't talk like I do." At the moment, this
ALSO was factual.

"But... but..."

"RAMEN-GIRL GET AWAY FROM AIREN!"

If the sight of Akane dressed like Ranma-- and TALKING like
Ranma-- wasn't enough, the sight of a Ranma dressed like herself and
TALKING like herself was. Shampoo began to edge towards the door.
(Not the one she'd just made-- the real door. THAT'S how rattled she
was.)

Ranma advanced, bonbori in hand. "Akane RANMA'S Airen, not
ramen-girl's! Ramen-girl leave Akane alone!"

Shampoo began to sweat. "Why... why Ranma dressed like... "

"Ramen-girl leave Akane alone, or Ranma get very upset!"

Shampoo did the only thing she could think of.

She freaked and ran.

Akane burst into giggles. "I don't think she knew how to handle
that, Ranma..."

Ranma smirked. "Ramen-girl leave bicycle behind. Ranma have
transport now... heh."

"Yeah. Ya gotta return it, though."

"Why? Is spoils of war."

"War?"

"Hai. Psychological war. Ranma learn from Mercenary girl."

"You don't have to be THAT accurate, Ranma," interjected Nabiki
(who had watched the entire scene), with a wince.

"Do right, or not at all, hai?"

Akane smirked-- a very Ranma-esqe smirk-- at Nabiki's grimace.
"Yeah, what she said. 'Sides, we both know you gonna find some way
to make a yen or three outta this."

(What have I done?) thought Nabiki.

####

"HIBACHAN! HIBACHAN! RANMA TURN INTO SHAMPOO!!!"

Cologne stared at her panicky great-grandaughter in sheer
amazement. Shampoo was-- for once-- totally terrified. "Calm down
girl. What are you babbling about?"

"Ranma turn into Shampoo!"

The Amazon matriarch blinked. "Son-in-law has become hair soap?"

"Not shampoo, Shampoo! Ranma dressing like Shampoo and talking
like Shampoo and carrying bonbori! And pervert girl is dressing like
Ranma and talking like Ranma! Is VERY scary!"

Cologne blinked. "That is... peculiar. Not so much that Ranma
might be acting oddly-- these things do happen to him, after all...
but that Akane is. I see that I shall have to investigate. Mousse,
we're closing early today."

"Quack."

"Well, we're closing early today after the kettle has heated up."

####

Ranma and Akane went for a walk, at the insistence of Nabiki.
After all, part of the joke was to be seen in public in the
not-exactly-cross-dressing-garb.

Akane was beginning to understand a little bit more about Ranma
at the moment. Ranma had apparently decided to play Shampoo to the
hilt-- which meant that the somewhat shorter red-headed girl was
hanging onto Akane with much the same fervor that a barnacle holds
onto a ship. Only more affectionate.

Ranma was, on the other hand, getting a little of her own back.

"Wo ai ni," she giggled.

"Aw, do ya have ta do that?"

Ranma put on a carefully crafted expression of sudden sadness.
"Akane not care for Ranma's devotion?"

"Grrrrr...." Akane responded eloquently.

Ranma giggled again.

Nabiki followed, camera in hand, stifling as best she could
giggles.

And then--

####

Tatewaki Kuno knew that something was amiss, but he could not
quite put his finger upon the flaw in the fabric of what was proper
and right.

True, the fire-haired goddess had been freed from Saotome's
evil-- her change in dress and hairstyle, her new demeanor, her very
increase in presence, all attested to this. Doubtless the sorcerer
had finally realized that he was no match for the noble and
courageous Kuno, and had finally fled.

Yet, for reasons he could not comprehend, his twin loves still
rejected his ardor. Perhaps there was some lingering effect of the
vile magus' enchantment, keeping them from professing their
inevitable devotion to himself.

That must be it. Surely 'twas a aftereffect of the vile
Saotome's spells. Doubtless in a few days it would wane, and then
they would gladly rush to his welcoming arms. Ah, such bliss! His
only problem now (such a sweet pain) would be to finally choose
between the two...

He paused, and stared. What was this? Was this the Demon
returned-- nay, twas a maiden dressed alike to him, but not he. And
in the company of another maiden-- one of the same line as the girl
at the noodle emporium he had seen from time to time, from her dress.

"Pardon me, ladies. I seek one Akane Tendo, or the flame-haired
goddess that is sometimes in her company. Do you know either of
these angels?"

The two lasses merely stared at him. Doubtless stunned into
silence by his masculinity and sheer presence. Silent they were,
gazing at him.

A pity. Both were fair of face and form, though the dark-haired
one was unflatteringly clad. Were it not for his two true loves, he
might have been interested... Ah, but how could anyone match their
fire?

Besides, from the way the smaller lass held to the larger, 'twas
apparent they were of that benighted type that held an attraction to
their own gender. Such were not for him.

"I see that you do not... Then, farewell."

And Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, left on his
eternal quest.

Which, one may note, wasn't QUITE in the same world as everyone
else.

####

"THAT was weird."

"Ranma agree."

"You wanna let go now?"

"OK..."

####

Cologne was concerned. For about a week Ranma had been quite
reclusive, and then three days ago he had reappeared-- in his female
form, wearing female clothing. Shampoo had been somewhat disjointed
in her report, due to something about a public bondage display
between Ryoga and Kodachi (which was, of course, ludicrous on the
face of it). After checking her spice cabinets to make sure that
Shampoo hadn't prepared her lunch with a seasoning that she shouldn't
have, she had instructed her great-grand-daughter to simply monitor
the situation and report.

The reports were disturbing. Ranma had popped up again, but
every time in female aspect and garments. He'd also been reported to
be somewhat more polite and speaking-- at times-- in an almost
feminine manner. Yesterday Shampoo had entered shaken, reporting
that Ranma was doing his kata dressed in a spandex halter and shorts
combo. That was part of the reason that Mousse was a duck right
now-- Shampoo had explained the outfit by showing a popular exercise
program featuring startlingly attractive girls in spandex doing
workouts on a beach. Mousse had asked why Shampoo didn't ever dress
like that. Splashing followed.

First a miniskirt. Then the aerobics outfit, and later that day,
a cut-off shorts and camisole top. Now this--

Cologne wanted a son-in-law. A daughter-in-law wasn't in the
equation.

####

While Cologne approached the Dojo, Ranma and Akane, Nabiki
following close behind, continued their walk. Ranma seemed somewhat
subdued, in contrast to the previous hilarity.

"What's eating you?" asked Akane, staying-- as best she could--
in "character".

"Ranma have bad feeling."

"Huh?"

"Bad feeling. Like someone attack Ranma for no good reason."

"Aaah, when does that ever happen?"

Ranma started ticking fingers. "Lost boy, Herb, Copycat Ken,
stupid Pantyhose monster boy, old pervert..."

"..."

"Cute spatula girl..."

Akane growled.

"Ramen girl, ramen girl's hibachan, tomboy-- lots, silly boy that
dress like girl, stick boy all the time..."

"All RIGHT! I get the idea! You don't have ta hammer it in, ya
know."

"Ranma not hammer in. That Violent girl's trick."

Akane fumed a bit. And then, reluctantly, said, "OK. Two points
for you."

"Anyway, Ranma just have feeling... bad one."

Before Akane could either mock Ranma's intuition, or begin to
fear that there might be something to it, a ringing voice carried
through the streets--

"At last! I KNEW it! One with such fire, with such
perseverance, HAD to be one of the fabled Amazons of the Josuketzu!
Why you have come to this benighted country, I know not-- but after a
year of searching, I have found you-- and now shall challenge you to
make you mine!"

"Ranma KNEW it."

"Yah. What you said."

The figure before the two misdressed girls was impressive, of
course. They nearly always WERE. Tall, muscular, flowing pale-blue
hair and the classic not quite bishonen looks that most girls would
swoon over, he wore a jet-black tunic with gold trim over snow-white
tights, a flowing cape of red silk that fairly rippled in the sudden
and overly-convienient wind, gleaming black riding boots, and an
expression of regal hauteur.

"Let Ranma guess. You prince?"

"Why, yes. Prince--"

"Of mystical kingdom?"

"Ah, yes. As I was saying, Prin--"

"Somewhere in China or like that?" added Akane, seeing where this
was going.

"India, actually. I am Pri--"

"Not interested," snapped Ranma. "Prince do it wrong, anyhow.
Is Akane who princes bother, not Ranma."

The two passed the somewhat startled prince without another word.
He stared at the two, in momentary confusion, and then chuckled.

"So... so proud, so apparently uncaring. Well, Amazon Ranma,
nonetheless you WILL be my bride."

And from a nearby alleyway, Nabiki Tendo smirked.

This could be amusing...

####

"So, this is a training method to resolve Son-in-law's difficulty
with his female state?"

"Yes, Cologne-san. And please do not call Ranma Son-in-law. As
I have said, I do not recognise the validity of Shampoo's claim."

Cologne sighed. The opposition of a mother was something that
even she could not easily wave off. However, that was a matter for
another day. "Have you any idea why he-- or she, if you prefer-- is
imitating Shampoo, or why Akane is imitating son-- ah, Ranma?"

"It's a game."

"Game?"

"Yes. Nabiki dared them to after they talked Ranma into that
particular dress. Ranma's not fond of that one, you see, but the
others wanted to see her in it, and things got a bit silly. You know
how young girls can be, sometimes."

"I do. I wasn't aware that Ranma did, however. I shall explain
it to Shampoo-- frankly, I hope that she will be relieved." Cologne
began to chuckle. "And to be honest, I do think it's a very good joke
after all. I'm pleased to know that Ranma hasn't gone insane."

"On the contrary. I hope to preserve her sanity with this
training."

"Actually, I approve. Becoming more accepting of 'her' female
side will make her a better husband for... whoever. Also, should our
claim come out successful, she will have greater status in the
village, being able to claim a position not only as Shampoo's
husband, but I think as a true Amazon warrior."

"Should that improbability occur, she should be pleased."

"Let us discuss the present situation at my restaurant. After I
explain the Girl Days to Shampoo..."

####

"Come, I will take you in my arms and-- Augh."

"Six times so far today, right? That guy's gotta be a bigger
idiot than Kuno EVER was."

Ranma looked where she'd hammered the as yet unnamed prince into
the pavement. For the third time. He'd also been punted into LEO
twice and embedded in a wall once.

"Prince tough, but rotten fighter. Stick-boy better than prince.
Prince take lots of punishment, though."

"Yeah. He's like that toy rabbit on that tape of American
commercials that Nabiki has."

Ranma giggled. Some of those American commercials were pretty
funny.

"Prince using right batteries?"

Akane snickered. "Yeah, guess so."

"Your... your love will sure... surely bloom, m-my A-amazon
flow--"

Punt.

"Hey-- why Akane do that?"

"Aw, it was my turn, you've had all the fun today."

####

Prince Midol of Kasarikustan sat in his rather cheap hotel room
and puzzled. For some reason his unlimited prowess at battle served
him somewhat less than well in the pursuit of the Amazon Ranma. It
was almost as though she did not return his affections-- which was,
of course impossible. Apparently Amazons played hard to get with
more fervor than the maidens of his own mystical kingdom.

Kasarikustan was, as mystical kingdoms went, less than
impressive. The shining golden castle was beginning to peel, the
magical lake wasn't very large and was somewhat cloudy, rather than
clear and crystalline, and the population was by and large very
ordinary. In fact, sub-ordinary.

(Author's Note: The lake in question, by the way, was the
not-very-famous-at-all Lake Kipper, noted for it's truly amazing
ability to pickle herring in sixteen seconds-- not much of a magical
lake, true, but enough to qualify Kasarikustan as a mystical kingdom.
In other words, No, it's NOT another failed cure for Ranma. It is,
however, an excellent cure for fish.)

Midol was the greatest warrior of his kingdom. But since his
kingdom consisted almost completely of terminally clumsy morons and
scrawny twerps that Gosunkugi could easily take four falls out of
five-- with a one fall handicap-- this didn't mean much when in a
place like Nerima, where even the ordinary passerby was quite likely
to have a dan rating in a martial art-- even if it was something as
ludicrous as Martial Arts Cheese-toast-making.

Midol looked out the window of his room and sighed. About a year
ago, he'd seen the red-headed angel leaving the fabled Amazon village
accompanied by a panda. Doubtless she was a wandering warrior, going
into the world to test her skills, he'd decided. What other
explanation for one who had tamed a panda as her pet? Her beauty,
her grace, and her speed was an inspiration. Surely the others in
the village thought so as well, for they had sent someone to find her
and convince her to return, rather than leave them bereft of her
magnificent presence.

He lost her trail a few days later, and asking about heard that
she had gone to Japan. Desperate to find her, he asked a passerby
the quickest way to transport to that fabled land of uncooked fish
and strange cartoons. In retrospect, perhaps he should have found
another to ask than the sharp-toothed lad with the umbrella.

After returning to India, and his own tiny kingdom, he set the
Kasarikustani Intelligence Service (A old man with a bunch of
newspaper subscriptions) to work on finding his warrior angel. Said
intelligence service subscribed to fifteen Japanese newspapers, and
bought a Hindustani-Japanese dictionary, while Midol started learning
Japanese, Mandarin, and Basque (the last just in case).

And after a long time, Midol was an accomplished linguist
(Everyone has to accomplish SOMETHING, right?), and the KIS had
narrowed the sightings of red-haired women, Amazons, and occasional
violence to a ward in Japan called Nerima.

Which leads us to the events of about thirty paragraphs up.

####

"Oh, Ranma, you're home. I have some tea ready, if you like?"

"Kasumi nice. Hai, please."

As Ranma sat and sipped her (lukewarm) tea, she sighed. The
worst thing about Girl Days was avoiding hot water. It wasn't hard--
the curse only wanted, it seemed, to feminize her usually. Under
normal circumstances the problem was FINDING hot water. Still,
accidents can happen... and right now she would have willingly--
well, not killed, but maiming was a possibility-- for a hot bath.

Akane came in next, and accepted a hotter cup of tea, and sat a
careful distance from Ranma. "That guy was a real pest today, hunh?"

"Not make sense. Prince act like he know Ranma."

"Ranma."

The Girl-in-training looked up at the familiar-- and unwelcome--
voice. "Cologne."

To Ranma's surprise, the old ghoul smiled. "I must commend you
on your jest today. And I approve of this training regimen, and
intend to assist. Would you care for some weekend Amazon training?
As in, how to actually use those bonbori? I know you prefer unarmed
styles, but it can't hurt."

Ranma glared at Cologne. "Why Cologne being nice? Ranma NOT
marry Shampoo."

Cologne broke into a peal of laughter. "Uncanny! No wonder why
Great-greanddaughter was so startled! Oh, she forgives you-- now
that she knows Nabiki put you up to it. And no, this isn't about
marriage-- that will come inevitably-- but about your training. As
your mother can train you to be a better woman, I can train you to be
a better Amazon, when that time comes. It's in my interest as well
as yours."

"That could be a problem, old ghoul. There's some idiot prince
in town that thinks Ranma IS an Amazon, and keeps trying to challenge
her for her hand. Like I could figure out why he'd wanna bimbo like
that."

Cologne blinked. "You're doing... rather well also." Akane's
imitation of Ranma was somewhat more unsettling. "I was not aware
you had such a talent."

"Aw, always wanted to go inta the theater, maybe the movies. I
figure this is good practice, ne?"

The elder nodded. "At any rate, I'm not offended. Now... what's
this about a prince?"

####

It was a council of... not exactly war.

Shampoo sat carefully avoiding Ranma and Akane. Although her
great-grandmother had explained, and said it was only a little joke
it still scared her a bit. She was also a little hurt. It seemed to
her that Ranma was teasing her... but Hibachan said that it wasn't
meant personally, and Hibachan was always right. Ranma and Akane
were still dressed wrongly, and were keeping up the act, until
sundown.

Cologne sat next to Nodoka, both frowning. The last thing either
wanted was another suitor for Ranma-- especially not a male one.

Nabiki flipped through a small notebook, contemplating possible
profit from this latest bit of lunacy.

Mousse stared adoringly at Shampoo. Well, actually he was
staring adoringly at Genma-panda, but that was to be expected.

The aforesaid panda was feeling very nervous for reasons he could
not quite explain.

Ranma was-- apparently happily-- sitting in Akane's lap, with her
arms around Akane's neck, to the amusement of everyone but Soun,
Genma, and Shampoo.

And Akane, who was mumbling something about wanting to breathe.

Soun was... wailing. "My future son-in-law is going to become a
prince's bride!"

"You ain't helping, old man," Akane snapped.

"And my daughter STILL thinks she's a boy!"

"Shampoo think Mister Tendo not quite understand?"

"Ranma agree with ramen-girl."

Shampoo shuddered as Cologne snickered. This was FUN. "At any
rate, I think I know who we are dealing with. Prince Midol of
Kasarikustan. He visited a nearby village about a year ago, and had
wanted to visit Jokuzetsu. We... declined his offer. It was obvious
he wanted to win an Amazon wife. It was also obvious that he was
completely hopeless.

"I believe that he saw Ranma's... ah, leavetaking, and mistook
her for an Amazon wanderer, seeking to see the world. I suspect that
he also fell in love with you at first sight. It seems to happen
rather a lot with you, Ranma."

Ranma shuddered. "Not remind Ranma."

<< You know, a prince in the family might not be a bad idea...>>
a panda-wielded sign read.

"Akane lend Ranma... tool?"

"Yeah, but just this once."

"OK. PANDA NO BAKA!"

WHAM!

Passing the mallet back to Akane, Ranma smiled.

"Not bad. Should work on the followthrough, though," admitted
Akane.

Nodoka just stared in mixed disapproval and approval. It wasn't
ladylike, in her opinion, to hit people with mallets. On the other
hand...

"That," Nodoka said, unknowingly echoing events of a year ago,
"He had coming."

The panda twitched.

<<Ite...>>

####

"Never gives up, huh?"

"Violen-- Akane got right. Hibachan say prince lousy fighter but
tougher than lost boy. Also stubborner. He no stop until beat Ranma
for hand in marriage or is ramen broth. Maybe both." Shampoo was a
LITTLE more calm, but Akane's Ranma act was still somewhat
unsettling.

"Aw, we can handle this. Akane Tendo don't lose."

"That Ranma's line," two Amazons-- or one Amazon and one
incredible simulation-- chorused... then one broke out in a fit of
giggles while another (the one with purple hair) jumped and
"EEEP!"ed.

"R--Ranma not DO that!"

"At any rate, get ready. Our plan should work-- for a while, at
least," said Cologne.

All nodded-- just as a knock on the door was heard.

"Oh, my, is that the guest you were looking for? I'll get it,"
chirped Kasumi.

After a moment, Prince Midol entered. "I'll not be balked any
longer. My destined bride is here, and I shall defeat her for her--"

"And you are?" asked Cologne, coldly.

"I am Midol, Prince of Kasarikustan, Light of the Herring, Master
of the Pony, and--"

"That stupid man try to hit Ranma all day, Elder."

"Yeah. That's the bozo," added Akane.

"I see. And why are you challenging Ranma?"

"Oh, you can't fool me. I know who you are, Cologne of the
Jokuzetsu. I know the law of the Chinese Amazons well. Once I
defeat her, Ranma will have no choice but to wed me."

"That is the law of the Amazons of Jokuzetsu, true. But what,
Midol of Kasarikustan, does that have to do with Ranma?"

Midol blinked. "Why... everything. She's a Chinese Amazon,
after all..."

Shampoo, following her cue, began to giggle. "Ranma hear prince?
Prince think Ranma CHINESE Amazon!"

Ranma snorted. "Is just silly man, not know any better."

Midol blinked. Again. "Um... am I missing something?"

And Nodoka entered, in a robe that was a copy of Cologne's,
except red in color. (Kasumi's skill at quick sewing comes to the
rescue again.) "I should say so."

"Ah, the matriarch of Clan Saotome. I am glad you received my
message."

"Matriarch of the Jokuzetsu. I understand a clan-sister is being
molested by some male fool?"

"More ignorant than a fool, my friend. He plans to marry Ranma
by the laws of the Jokuzetsu."

"Perhaps he is both."

"Look," protested Midol. "I don't know what's going on, but I
know the laws of the Chinese Amazons, and that means that when I
defeat her she has to marry--"

And Ranma leaned into six inches from his face and screamed,
"STUPID MAN! RANMA NOT CHINESE AMAZON, RANMA __JAPANESE__ AMAZON!"

"Uh?" whined Midol, half deafened.

"It is as she said, Prince Midol," Cologne replied. "The laws of
the Japanese Amazons are not entirely the same as those of my branch.
Defeating her in battle will not win you her hand."

"Um... can it at least get me a date?"

Ranma began-- genuinely-- to snarl.

"No. Now, if you can bring three treasures, she MIGHT be
persuaded to go out with you, once."

"Three- what three? Nothing can defeat Midol of Kasarikustan!
Well, except her."

"A Phoenix's tooth, the secret hoard of the Demon Happosai, and
a cask of the fabled Nannichuan of Jusenkyo."

"Oh... that sounds easy enough, in a few weeks, then." The
prince left, swirling his cape in a dramatic fashion as it rippled in
the wind.

"Hibachan?"

"Yes, Shampoo?"

"Where wind come from? We indoors."

Cologne blinked. "Well... some people have an over developed
sense of drama..."

"What happen if prince get all treasures?"

"Ranma, if he get's the Nannichuan, that would solve a lot of
problems, wouldn't it? If he brings the Secret Hoard, you can have
him arrested for breaking and entering-- the only hoard Happy has is
the hoard of undergarments up in his room. And if he finds a
Phoenix's Tooth-- well, I'll be so impressed with him that I'll
offer him the choice of any maiden in the village, because he'll be
superhuman."

"Why?"

"Phoenixes don't HAVE teeth."

Everyone laughed.

"Sunset," added Nabiki. "You two win. And I don't regret a yen
of it." Especially since she'd gotten the various poundings of the
prince via Ranma on tape-- and Kuno would pay BIG yen for copies of
his dream-woman pounding a rival while wearing that dress.

"Thank HEAVEN! Ranma-- I mean, I was forgetting how to use
pronouns!"

"No more talking like a boy! Excuse me, I'm getting into a dress
RIGHT NOW!" Akane dashed upstairs.

Ranma looked at her mother, who nodded, smiling. She followed
Akane to grab a blouse and slacks.

"Oh, Nodoka-san. I have something for Ranma. I understand that
she's been missing a hot bath very much?"

Nodoka nodded. "But for reasons I have explained, I wish her, if
possible, to stay a female for at least two months."

"Yes, her... time. I can help with that. Mousse? The package I
sent you for?"

The near-blind master of Hidden Weapons produced a somewhat large
parcel from... somewhere. "Here."

Nodoka stared. "What is it?"

Ranma (who had just entered, having dressed very very fast-- she
HATED that dress) added, "Yeah, what?"

"Doubtless you remember the waterproof soap you used at one time,
Ranma?"

Ranma nodded. "Worked ok until it wore off."

"Well, this will-- after using it first with cold water,mind
you-- you will, using it and only it, be able to take hot baths
without changing-- or worrying about accidental changes either."

"You mean it's more waterproof soap?" asked Ranma eagerly.

"Not... exactly. Since you are attempting to stay female rather
than male, I bought you something more useful."

"What?"

"Waterproof beauty soap. It will not only keep you from unwanted
changes, but keep your skin nice and soft. And it has a beautiful
fragrance..."

Ranma GROANED.

####

End part four

####

A short Author's Note--

It's amazing how often Akane seems to be chased by this or that
magical prince (at least in OAV's and fanfictions, though it happens
in the series and the manga also). I just thought that not all
magical princes had to be competent-- or after Akane. Ja ne!