[Ranma][FanFic] Daigakusei no Ranma: The Round Robin - Part 3 of 4

[Saotome Ranma]

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Daigakusei no Ranma: The Round Robin part 3
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Ukyou frowned. He must be hiding at the bottom of the pool.
Coward. The anger took her again. But not for long.

A charred body drifted to the surface. The hair was frizzed out,
the glasses shattered, the clothing blackened and torn. Yet, it was still
recognizably John. It bobbed on the surface of the water.

Off in the distance, the sun reached the horizon, beginning to set
out of sight as Shinobu-oni and Lum dived down towards him, howling
imprecations. He made no reply. Perhaps he had recovered his courage and
was determined to take his punishment. Or...

Ukyou gave a strangled cry. He had been right. He was dead. She
leaped down as Shinobu and Lum poured more lightning into the water,
shouting at John to say something, to howl, to stop being so stubborn as to
not admit that he was suffering. The ground almost shook on impact. It
felt funny. She moved forward as the school yard grew darker. Dim
electrical lights were coming on, making everyone look strange in their
yellow glow. John's remains bobbed in the water. Ukyou felt another wave
of rage growing in her. It should have been directed at herself, but as
she usually did, she directed it outward instead. "You BITCHES! YOU
KILLED HIM!"

Shinobu-oni's voice was a mixture of rage and desperation. "He's
faking it! He can't be dead! No one ever dies when I blast them!"

Lum took John's pulse and paled. "No pulse," she whispered.

Ukyou fired a barrage of mini-spatulas at Shinobu-oni. "DAMN YOU!"

Shinobu-oni turned and glared at Ukyou, barely dodging the barrage.
"YOU EGGED US ON! YOU WANTED HIM TO SUFFER TOO!"

"I felt bad for you people, but I didn't expect you to kill him! I
thought he was running around on me!"

Shinobu-oni and Lum looked more demonic in the fading light and the
yellow glow of the yardlights than before. Shinobu-oni said, "So without
any proof, you helped hound him to his death and ignored his desperate
pleas for help. I at least KNOW he was running around on me. All you had
was other people's stories! You could have stopped us! This is YOUR
FAULT!"

The words stung. Some part of Ukyou insisted there was a flaw in
the logic here, but another part of her responded to the words. Despair
flooded over her mood. The sun finished setting. Darkness settled upon
the land. Only the faint glow of the yard lights staved off total darkness
as clouds hid the stars and the moon. "No...I only wanted him to know I
was hurting, that he had..."

"That he had what? You accused him with no proof!" The crowd was
flocking around Ukyou now. "All you had were unsubstantiated accusations
from someone you'd never met! But you believed them!" The crowd pressed
in closer. "Just like you always did with Ranma. You never really trusted
him or believed anything he said. You betrayed him, you tried to kill the
woman he loved, you plotted against him." Accusation after accusation, and
all rung true. Ukyou shrank in on herself, babbling, unable to make any
coherent defense.

The voices faded as the darkness swelled, until only the guilt
remained. She had killed him. It was all her fault. She could have saved
him and she did nothing. She never was sure how long she cried after that.
Finally, she heard footsteps, interrupting the silence of her misery. She
opened her eyes. There were only three things left in the swirling
darkness around her. She was one of them, John's remains were the second,
and a woman Ukyou did not know was the third. She was tall and elaborately
dressed in an ornate garment, with a blue tattoo upon her forehead and
spiky brown hair. She was bent over John's body and seemed to be doing
something to it. Ukyou grabbed her spatula and charged. "GET AWAY FROM
HIM! I WON'T LET YOU DESECRATE HIS BODY!"

As she lifted her spatula to strike the woman, the woman said,
"Maybe you should have done this when they were trying to kill him. A
little late now, isn't it?"

Ukyou dropped her spatula and began to cry again. "I wasn't
thinking clearly. I didn't mean to hurt him. I just...I just...It's not
my fault!"

Her own voice spoke from the air, twisted with rage. "Take some
responsibility for your actions!"

Ukyou cried uncontrollably for several minutes. "I didn't think
he'd die! I thought he'd just get beat up and bruised and in a few minutes
he'd be okay!"

Her voice spoke from the air again. "EVERYTHING has real
consequences! Even just hopes and dreams and jokes!" There was a pause.
"You made your bed, now lie in it."

The woman turned back to the body, then stood back up, holding a
small glowing sphere in one hand. "There."

"What have you done?"

"I'm taking his soul."

Ukyou shrieked. "He can't be dead! He can't! You can't have his
soul!"

"Didn't you say he needs to suffer for what he's done? Well, after
a few millennia in the level of hell we built to your specifications, he
should have atoned for all he's done."

"That's cruel! He doesn't deserve to suffer for millenia!"

The woman shrugged. "Just giving you what you wanted."

"How can you be so cruel?" She clung to the woman's leg. "Please,
please don't take him away to suffer!"

"I don't want to, but you give me no choice. Those who show no
mercy cannot receive it."

"I'm not merciless! I have forgiven people!"

"Then why is he dead?"

Ukyou tried to pull herself together. "Because I listened to my
fears instead of my heart. Because I didn't trust him as much as...he
trusted me. I keep doing this to people." She shuddered, trying to hold
back more crying. "Now he's gone forever."

"Nothing is forever, not even death. The body dies, but the soul
remains." The woman knelt and hugged Ukyou. "You have the power to bring
him back. The question is whether you will use it."

"I can't bring back the dead! I'm not some kind of deity! I'm
just Ukyou Kuonji, an ordinary girl. I don't even have a curse to make me
special like Ranma, let alone any powers. I don't even know any chi
attacks. What can I do?"

The woman said, "The power of creation is in every soul, and this
is the place of creation, the void between the worlds, the place where new
things are made. Have you forgotten all that has happened to you?"

"What...what happened to the world we were in?"

"He created it as a prison for himself. It was his own guilt that
they expressed, his own doubts of the rightness of his past actions, faced
with the reality of what he had thought imagined. As an Author, he
possessed vast power, but as himself, he had little control over it. He
thought it was real, and so..." The woman held out her hand to Ukyou,
offering her the soul. "Take it. Here, in this place, you can help him."

Ukyou gazed into the woman's compassionate eyes. They were like a
deep ocean she almost lost herself in. There was more love and hope in
those eyes than she had ever experienced before. It was a tonic, shocking
herself out of her self-pity and despair. Despite knowing everything wrong
that Ukyou had ever done, this woman cared about her, wanted her to be
happy, wanted to help her. Ukyou's strength returned from the fires of the
woman's power. She held out her hand and took the sphere. "What must I
do?"

"The heart of creation is believing. Anything else is just a way
to enable others to perceive your creation, to transfer that creation from
your mind to the mind of others, that it might outlive its creator." The
woman gestured and a tall mirror appeared. She began to step into it.
"Follow your heart, and it will tell you what to do."

Ukyou thought for a moment, and began to make an okonomiyaki. She
couldn't have told anyone where the grill came from, or where she found the
ingredients. That wasn't important, anyway, it was the act of creation.
Once, in her life, every okonomiyaki had been a masterpiece, each one hand-
crafted to the person who ate it. Slowly, that had faded. Her restaurant
had slowly devoured her pride in her work as she strove simply to survive.
One reason she had been willing to give all that up was that the joy had
gone out of it. She had become an okonomiyaki assembly line. It had
played a part in why she hadn't even cooked okonomiyaki for the entire
semester. Now, she was cooking the greatest okonomiyaki of her life. The
aromas surrounded her and brought back memories of some of the happiest
times of her life, times she had cooked for someone she loved.

Finally, her masterpiece was ready. This was her creation, her
idiom, the way in which she best shared her heart with others. It was the
summation, the essence of her power, her heart, her very self. The tiny
shimmering soul sat in her apron pocket, next to her heart, while she
prepared her magic. She placed the finished okonomiyaki onto a plate and
brought it over to John's body. Reaching into the pocket, she pulled out
John's soul. She opened his mouth and placed his soul into it, then cut
off a piece of okonomiyaki and placed it in John's mouth as well. She
closed his mouth and bent down, kissing his lips. Awake from your slumber,
she thought. Come back to me.

For a moment, all was silent, then John's body jerked and he
swallowed. His eyes opened and the charred flesh dropped off, leaving him
completely unhurt under all the ash. "Ooog, I hurt." He paused. "Except
for this yummy taste in my mouth. Did you make this for me, Ucchan?"

She smiled. "You like it?"

"Almost as much as I like you."

She blushed and leaned in to kiss him again. Before their lips
could meet...

Ryouga, now battered and bruised, covered with putty, walked up.
"You bastards! You left me in Angel Grove! YOU MADE MY LIFE A LIVING
HELL!!!!!"

John fled for his life with Ryouga in hot pursuit. Ukyou leapt up
and chased after Ryouga, trying to save John. The game was once again
afoot.

* * *

Paul, Lardizabal, and Shampoo blinked into an nondescript Tokyo
district.

Paul blinked. "This is definitely not Fushigi Yuugi."

"Well, well. Looks like we don't have to find you, after all,"
said an accented voice behind Paul.

Paul blinked, and turned around. Before him stood a girl with
auburn hair in a sailor suit with a black skirt and silver-laced thigh-high
black boots.

"Now who are you?" Paul asked. Lardizabal, meanwhile, just rolled
his eyes, and grimaced.

"I am Sailor Odysseus. Welcome to my universe, Mr. Gallegos. The
other Sailors are on their way, but frankly, I think I can take care of you
myself." She smiled wolfishly.

"Sailor Odysseus," Paul said, scratching his head. "I'm not sure
I've heard of you. I thought all the Sailors were named after planets or
some such nonsense."

Sailor Odysseus looked at him impassively. "I come from the Star
K-"

Paul interrupted. "Um, actually, I'd REALLY rather not know."

It was Sailor Odysseus' turn to blink. "You don't...?"

"Look, we're not interested, OK?" Paul sighed impatiently. "We've
got far more important business to take care of, and frankly, you're just
wasting our time."

Sailor Odysseus glared. "You are here because the stars deemed it.
The stars write all our destinies."

Lardizabal finally spoke up. "Do they say when and where I'll get
my next bottle of sake?"

Paul slapped Lardizabal behind the head.

Shampoo stepped forward. "I'm confused. Why, exactly, are you
holding us here?"

"You've been ... how should I put this... re-rerouted," the sailor
in black began.

"... by 'Hosmer-sama'," Paul finished sarcastically. "Y'know, I'm
getting tired of this. We need to find a way forward. Or at least back."

"You and me both," Lardizabal chimed in.

Paul looked at Lardizabal and raised an eyebrow. Shampoo summoned
a chair out of nowhere and sat down. "Well, personally, I'm tired of being
manipulated as well, so I'm just going to sit right here until everything's
put back to normal."

"Um... Shampoo, wait just a sec here," Paul said. "You're the one
with the powers to get us OUT of here, remember?"

"Yeah," Lardizabal agreed. "We need you to get off your butt and
open that portal-thing back to our universe."

Shampoo turned a shade of red. "You don't give me orders!"

"Actually, he usually does, seeing as he's your best customer,"
Paul muttered.

Sailor Odysseus' head began to snap back and forth between Shampoo
and Paul like a tennis match. After a moment, she stopped and clapped her
hands to her head. "WHAT ABOUT ME?!" she screamed.

"What about you?" Lardizabal asked. "Do you have any sake on you?"

"No..." Sailor Odysseus began.

"Then never mind!" Lardizabal snapped.

The black-clad sailor turned an even darker shade of red. She
clasped her hands against her chest tightly and began to sway back and
forth slightly.

Paul watched this with interest. On impulse, he asked, "Oi! You
know, I've always wondered - what's with the sailor outfit thing? Is it
fashionable or something? I mean, wearing that in the South Side would get
you knifed or at least some catcalls..."

Sailor Odysseus opened her eyes. "STAR BOLT!" she shouted. A beam
of blinding white light shot out from her pendant toward the two men. Paul
instinctively dove to his right, while Lardizabal automatically fell
backwards. The beam incinerated the row of houses behind them. Sailor
Odysseus staggered slightly, taking deep breaths.

Shampoo applauded. "That was magnificent! Can you do it again?"

The Sailor looked at Shampoo as if she were insane.

Paul felt as if someone had turned on a light switch in his head.
Power seemed to fill him and he grinned. "Lardy!" Paul hissed. "I know
what happened!"

"Duh!" Lardizabal hissed back. "She just tried to fry us!"

"No, I mean, I know why we're here!" Paul said, running over and
helping Lardizabal to his feet.

Sailor Odysseus turned back to face the two men. She began to
smile the smile of a cat who has cornered the mouse. Lardizabal noticed.
So did Paul.

"You know when you have a sake bottle in your left hand, and one in
your right?" Paul asked Lardizabal quickly.

"Yeah..." Lardizabal replied uncertainly.

"Where do you put the cup?" Paul shouted, running away from
Lardizabal.

Lardizabal hesitated for a moment as Sailor Odysseus followed
Paul's movement, about to fire off another bolt. "You put the cup..." His
eyes lit up. "... in the middle!"

Paul moved in a semi-circular arc as fast as he could. "C'mon,
Lardy, move!" he thought, watching Lardizabal out of the corner of his eye.
Finally, Lardizabal took off in the opposite direction, moving in the same
arc. Sailor Odysseus hadn't paid attention, Paul noticed, but Shampoo had.

"Where are you going?" Shampoo called after Lardizabal.

Lardizabal ran right up to Shampoo and stood in front of her.
"Right here," he said with a grin.

Sailor Odysseus fired.

Paul stopped short as she did so, the bolt passing harmlessly in
front of him, missing him by mere centimeters. "Hoo boy!" he said aloud,
running in a zig-zag pattern toward Lardizabal.

Sailor Odysseus turned to look at where Paul was headed and saw
only Lardizabal standing alone. She smiled an even wider smile and began
to concentrate again. "STAR BOLT!" she cried, as Paul reached Lardizabal.

The bolt erupted forth, gaining speed as it neared its target.
Paul, not breaking stride, tackled Lardizabal, knocking the two to the
ground as the flare detonated. Shampoo threw her hands up in front her
face and screamed, moments before she was atomized in a brilliant flash of
white.

When the light began to dissipate, Sailor Odysseus surveyed the
area with a trained eye. Nothing moved on the horizon. The air smelled
hot, with a trace of something else. She sniffed again, puzzled by the
scent. There was definitely something else in the air, something that
reminded her of rain and thunder and ... lightning.

Paul and Lardizabal stood up and brushed themselves off. The
glowing aura around them flickered once, then disappeared. "How?" Sailor
Odysseus began.

"Ozone shield," Paul answered. "Stellar radiation doesn't touch
the ground because of the atmosphere, which is made up mostly of ozone.
Ain't science wonderful?" He grinned. Lardizabal also grinned.

"But..." she started again.

"I think I've had enough of you to last quite a long time,"
Lardizabal said.

"I agree," Paul concurred. With a snap of his fingers, the sailor
reverted to her normal human form once before disappearing.

"Where'd she go?" Lardizabal asked.

"I sent her to deal with a monster-of-the-week," Paul answered.
"AND in her human form. Oopsie." Paul shrugged.

"But... what about getting back? Shampoo was our only link back,"
Lardizabal sighed.

"No, she was what STUCK us here," Paul replied. "She was an agent
of Jeff's."

"Oh?" Lardizabal queried. "Are you sure?"

"If not... well, I never liked her anyway. Now, let's try and
catch up with the rest before it's too late..." Paul trailed off.

* * *

Nothingness can be pretty boring, Jeff reflected. He stood up and
took a walk around the void left by the departure of the DnRverse, paused
to smell the nothing, lay back on nothing and watched the nothing set.

"I'm beginning to agree with the Tick. Even electroshock therapy
or elevator music is better than being bored," he said. "Maybe a good
villainous rant will help." He stood up and faced the patch of nothingness
that best approximated the sky. "CURSE YOU, DAVID! YOU HAVEN'T BEATEN ME
YET! YOU HAVE TO BRING THE UNIVERSE BACK EVENTUALLY!"

He sat back down. "Well, that helped. NOT," he said. He
shrugged. Well, I'll just keep bouncing them between worlds until David
decides to behave." He began to pass the time by sending MAKE MONEY FAST
emails to each and every member of the DnR Mailing List.

With a poof, David appeared, wearing a Chichiri mask and a white
robe.

"Oh, real original. I wear black, so you have to wear white. Very
nice," Jeff commented sarcastically. "Trying really hard to NOT be a
ninja?"

A Tibetan monk dressed in black and wearing a mask popped up. "WE
ARE NOT NINJAS!" Jeff produced a wooden mallet and sent the monk flying
back where he came from.

"I just didn't want to get lost in the nothingness," David said,
pulling up a seat.

A skeletal figure in a black robe passed by. INFINITY IS BLUE.

"Boy, this place has gotten busy all of the sudden," Jeff muttered,
looking after the departing figure, wondering where he had seen him before.

"Look, Jeff, we can keep this up forever."

"Keep what up? There's NOTHING here!"

David produced a rubber trout from the nothing and whapped Jeff
upside the head. "Listen! We can't keep--"

A man in khakis began to dance the Fish Dance around David,
whapping him in the face with a tiny little fish.

"JEFF!"

"Sorry, it's all this nothing. Thoughts tend to leak out, set up
shop and the like." Jeff made a show of concentrating and the fish dancer
returned to Monty Python. "It'd be easier if there was a universe here,
y'know."

"I'm not going to return the universe just so you can destroy it!"

"Then Paul, John, and the rest will keep bouncing around.
Personally, I can't wait for Ukyou to find the La Blue Girl Universe."

Then we are at an impasse."

"Looks like it."

"I could just kill you."

"Want to make a bet that I pull a Dark Schneider and return?"

David grimaced. "No bet."

"Wow, that's a pretty responsive mask."

"We're getting sidetracked."

"I know, ain't it cool?"

David got a rein on his temper. "Look, we need to settle this
somehow."

"Well, I take it that just letting me destroy DnR is not a good
'somehow?'" At David's nod, Jeff continued, "So what do you suggest?"

"Since we're all authors, our powers will just keep canceling each
other out. We need a means of settling this without direct conflict."
David pulled out 'The Universe of the Four Gods.' "I propose we settle
this using the Seishi method."

"What, we each choose a Miko and seven powerful beings to fight for
our cause?" Jeff grinned. "I like it."

"Well, it works out well, considering there are four of us--"

"Hold on! I don't care if there are three of you, we fight this
seven on seven. I'm not going to pit 7 Seishi against 21."

David shrugged. It had been worth a try. "OK, so what say we just
pick our Seishi from the worlds we've already contacted, either directly or
indirectly?"

"Eight worlds, seven Seishi and a Miko?" Jeff suggested.

"Sounds good... so, which ones?"

Looking back over the rest of story, they began compiling a list.
Some worlds, like the Mermaid series, were discounted because of lack of
good villains for Jeff to pick. Other worlds were added to fill in the
blanks. In the end, the following worlds were chosen: Daigakusei no
Ranma, Tenchi Muyou, Fushigi Yuugi, Sailor Moon, Bubblegum Crisis, Urusei
Yatsura, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and a wild card. Jeff got to pick
villains (or the closest he could find to villains) and David got to pick
the heroes. One character from each universe. After that was done, they
could use the wild card to pick any character from any anime series not
already used. The Miko, or Shrine Maiden who would lead each side, was to
be from the DnRverse. Ranma and Akane were to be the prize. Finally, they
had the rules worked out to their satisfaction.

"OK, I choose the following," Jeff began.

"For the Jeff no Miko, I choose: Tendo Nabiki." Behind him, an
image of Nabiki from Ranma Movie 2 appeared.

"We choose Ukyou," David said. An image of Ukyou in her
okonomiyaki-seller's outfit appeared behind him.

"Of course you do," Jeff said with a grin. "John wouldn't have it
any other way, would he?"

David just gave a small smile.

"From Tenchi Muyou, I choose Kagato." An image of a white haired
man wearing robes and red-tinted glasses appeared beside Nabiki.

"Tsunami," David said. A very beautiful woman with long blue hair,
tied back in a long braid, and wearing a very ornate dress appeared beside
Ukyou.

"From Fushigi Yuugi, I choose Nakago." A very handsome blond man
wearing ornate scale armor appeared on the other side of Nabiki. A blue
symbol glowed with power on his forehead.

"We'll take Tamahome." A man with dark hair, tied back in a
pigtail, and wearing rough-hewn clothes appeared next to Ukyou, opposite
Tsunami. On his forehead the character for Oni glowed red.

"From Sailor Moon, Sailor Galaxia." The galaxy-conquering Senshi
appeared by Kagato.

"Who's she?" David asked.

Jeff just gave a small smile. "The destroyer of galaxies,
absorbers of various sailors, and..."

"Che! No choice, we'll go with Sailor Moon." Sailor Moon appeared
next to Tsunami, giving a goofy wave.

Jeff smiled even wider. "You do know that when Usagi defeated
Galaxia, she had a lot of help?"

David frowned. "Nope."

Jeff grinned even wider. "Good. Be interesting to see how Usagi
deals with Galaxia, without the other Senshis."

David just groaned, as Jeff thought for just a minute.

"From BGC, Largo, of course." The silver-haired boomer appeared
beside Nakago.

"Priss!" David blurted out, and a blue hardsuited figure appeared
next to Tamahome. David was beginning to sweat. This did not look good.

"From UY, I'll take Mendou Shutaro." The dark-haired scion of
Japan's richest family appeared beside Sailor Galaxia.

"Ataru... no, wait, I mean Lum!" But it was too late. The most
lecherous man in all of animedom appeared next to Sailor Moon. Even though
they were just images, it appeared that Ataru was drooling over the Sailor
Senshi.

Jeff just lifted an eyebrow. "Interesting."

"Can't I change it?"

"Nope. You said it, you can't take it back."

"That's not fair!"

Jeff gave an evil laugh. "I'm a villain. Villains don't play
fair!"

David just sighed.

"From Evangelion, Ayanami Rei." A young girl with short, powder
blue hair and wearing a form-fitting white uniform appeared beside Largo.

"Souryu Asuka Langley." David felt a bit better as the hot-
tempered redhead, in her form-fitting red plug suit, appeared beside Priss.

"And for my wild card, Iczer-II of... oh, you can guess." A
beautiful redhead with pointed ears and dressed in blue and black battle
armor appeared beside Mendou.

"Ifurita from El Hazard," David shot back. A beautiful woman with
pale silver-blue hair and carrying a large staff appeared beside Ataru.

"Wasn't she a villain?" Jeff wondered.

"Isn't Rei supposed to be a good guy?" David replied.

"Well, I'm reserving judgment until we see the end of Evangelion,"
Jeff said.

"Good point."

"As challenger, I claim the right to decide on the contest," Jeff
said.

"OK," David agreed. "What's it to be?"

Jeff smirked. "Ragnarok."

"Ragnarok? As in 'Twilight of the Gods?' THAT Ragnarok?"

"Sure! We'll get Belldandy, Urd, and Skuld to judge the battle and
pull up a load of Nameless Faceless Minions (NFMs) from the worlds. Last
Miko standing wins."

"So, you get Kagato's servitor droids, Nakago's army, Sailor
Galaxia's monsters-of-the-week, Boomers, the Mendou Clan Armed Forces, Unit
00, and any slimy monsters left from the Iczer series?"

"Yup! Sailor Galaxia had Animates, by the way. Oh, dear... looks
like you get the About-to-Die Police." Jeff started sniggering.

David just glanced up at the 'sky' and gave the most vehement curse
he could muster while wearing a silly smiling mask. "NO DA!"

* * *

After David recovered from the debate over the Seishis, ("Just how
CAN Chichiri curse without gagging through that mask?" David wondered), the
next order of business was to settle the site of the battle.

"Arrakis, the Dune planet!" David shouted. Behind him, a giant
sandworm erupted out of the void.

Jeff just coolly looked at his fingernails and flicked a little
speck of dirt that had gotten under his nails. "I hate sand. How about
Hoth?" As he spoke, the sandworm turned into a Wampa Ice Creature holding
a big bottle of beer.

"Too cold, too icy. How about Jupiter?" Dark red storms began
forming.

"Too much gas. How about Asgard?" A rainbow formed over Jeff's
head.

David blinked. "Asgard? The one with all the Norse gods and frost
giants running around?"

"Sure. That IS where Ragnarok is supposed to be, anyway. The gods
can be cannon fodder."

David widened his eyes. "THOR is cannon fodder?" Thunder rumbled
in the distance.

Jeff yawned, then rubbed his beard, admiring his reflection in a
mirror that had suddenly popped up in front of him. "Hmmm. True, he could
be annoying. A shame... that Loki fellow would have been simply smashing
to work with. Hmm... how about Lodoss... the accursed continent?"

David blinked. "Hey... not bad."

Jeff hrmed. "Although all those people and houses would get in the
way..."

David grinned. "Cannon fodder."

A moment's pause, then, almost simultaneously...

"Hey, who's good and who's bad here?"

"Hey, I thought YOU were the villain here."

They stared at each other... then started laughing. Little bubbles
started forming around them, and Lawrence Welk music started playing in the
background.

When the laughter died down, they looked at each other. "Lodoss it
is, then," Jeff said.

David nodded. "A week, then, for training?" He swatted at a
little blue fly that zipped around, buzzing angrily.

"Oh, I don't need a week, but if you want it, go ahead. It'll just
give me time to turn a sure victory into a butt-stomping take-no-names
massacre. See you in a week, then." Jeff turned the page and vanished.
His mouth remained for a few minutes, mocking laughter emitting, before
fading away.

David sighed. He sat down on a comfortable couch that suddenly
appeared behind him and waited.

It was at this moment that Ukyou, Ryouga and John popped up out of
nowhere.

Now nothingness is generally not very pleasant to a being of
somethingness. So it was rather predictable that John would react... well,
rather less than gracefully.

"WHERE THE HELL AM I?!" John frothed. He was turning a rather
alarming shade of blue. Meanwhile, Ukyou was desperately trying to orient
herself, finally glomping onto Ryouga. Ryouga merely looked around and
said, "Oh, I've been here before."

David smiled. "You're in what's left of the DnRverse."

And just then, Paul blinked in as well, looking rather disheveled
and bringing Lardizabal with him.

David blinked. "Oh, about time you figured out the powers."

"Dave, shut up. Where the hell are we?" Paul said as he looked
around, trying to get oriented. Besides him, Lardizabal was holding his
mouth and stomach, trying to keep his nausea under control.

"Well, we're where the DnRverse used to be."

"WHAT?"

David smiled. "John, Paul, to borrow John's vastly overused
phrase, 'let me tell you a story...'"

* * *

The three original authors were having a heated... discussion.

"You picked MOROBOSHI? Are you SURE you're not working with
Jeff?!" said Paul.

"How can you pick Asuka? She has the smallest brain of all the EVA
pilots!" said John.

"Now, now, guys... we need to get our Seishis. There's only a week
to prepare," said David.

"OUR Seishis?"

"You picked this weird group!!!"

"Well, but there's some potential here..."

"Not with that Sailor Moon ditz in there!"

John made frothing sounds.

"Uh, guys, why are you looking at me like that? Trust me, I know
what I'm doing..."

"Do you KNOW what I had to do to Shampoo just to get out alive?
And that Sailor Odysseus... arrrgggh!!!"

"And poor Shinobu! You're going to PAY for not sharing your plans
with us!!!"

And there was much stomping.

* * *

Nabiki looked up from where she had been resting on a table, being
massaged by a strange-looking girl. "What is it?"

Ukyou walked over to Nabiki. "I guess we're the last ones. David,
John, and Paul are gathering their Seishis. And you will be leaving to
join Jeff soon." She turned to the Nyanyan who was massaging Nabiki. "Can
you leave us?"

The Nyanyan nodded and left. Her high-pitched voice was heard from
the hallway as she met her sisters. "I fixed her! I fixed her!"

Nabiki sighed. "And just as I was getting settled in here." She
wrapped the towel around herself and sat up.

Ukyou looked at Nabiki. "Well, we're on opposite sides."

Nabiki nodded. "Jeff made a convincing argument for why I should
be his Miko. I can get Ranma and Akane out of their marriage. It's...
it's for the best, really."

Ukyou looked at Nabiki. "Are you really after him because you love
him, or is this just another one of your schemes?"

Nabiki looked up angrily. "Look, I don't have to justify my
actions to you! You and Akane were the ones who thought up the kidnapping
routine. Did I constantly scheme to separate Ranma from his money? Yes,
but only while he and his Dad were freeloading at the Dojo! Do you know
how many times I tried to help him and Akane get together when I realized
that they were in love but too stubborn to admit it? Dozens of times!
Even after I realized...." She stopped, her anger having run its course
and been replaced by sadness and regret.

Ukyou sighed. "I know how you feel. But life goes on. We can't
have Ranma. He's Akane's."

Nabiki looked up, eyes blazing. "Perhaps. But does she deserve
him, after all she's done to him? Ranma will never hurt her. He'll go
through hell for someone he loves. But she'll hurt him. She's so angry
and he's so naive. I love Ranma, I want to protect him... from Akane, from
himself!" Then she groaned, and clutched her stomach.

Ukyou was there at her side almost at once. "I thought those girls
'fixed' you," she said, referring to the Nyanyans, Taiitsu-kun's servants.
The Nyanyans were magical and could heal people and fix clothes, among
other skills. They were also unbearably enthusiastic and bubbly.

Nabiki grit her teeth. "Yeah, but it itches like hell." She
looked up at Ukyou. "Look, Tai-san sent me here with Ranma and Akane
because he felt that someone from Fushigi Yuugi could help us. But get
real... a monk with a silly grinning mask, a pretty-boy emperor, and the
rest of those ridiculous Seishis, help me? I can take care of myself. I
know he wanted me, Ranma and Akane to deal with our problems, but none of
us are talking to each other. How are we supposed to deal with the fact
that Jeff knew us so well that we fell right into his manipulations? Is
what we're feeling real or something he made us feel?" She sighed. "Maybe
we've both lost him..."

Ukyou frowned. "You never had him in the first place."

Nabiki smirked.

"You didn't..."

"A lady doesn't kiss and tell," Nabiki said smugly.

"But he never... I didn't... not even a KISS!" Ukyou gripped her
battle spatula until it looked like the handle might warp.

"Anyway, this place is just the pits. I want my MTV. I want ice
cream. There's nothing here that's worthwhile..." She smiled. "Well,
except that Tamahome guy... he's CUTE, and he reminds me of me..."

"I don't think Miaka will let you have Tamahome," Ukyou said
absently, still lost in thoughts of finding Ranma and beating some answers
out of him as to how far he had gone.

Nabiki's smile turned to a sigh. "That's just the thing, isn't it?
All the good guys are taken."

Ukyou frowned. "Well, it's not like Ranma was the only man in the
world. Or the best," she added.

Nabiki just looked at Ukyou. "If you were given the chance to have
Ranma, would you take it?"

Ukyou was silent.

* * *

For this meeting, Jeff had wanted to choose the most impressive
gathering place he could. The problem was that there were too many places
to choose from. In the end, he went for the Emperor's throne room from
"Return of the Jedi." It fit his current attire at least.

Nabiki stood next to him, clad in a rather ornate black and silver
kimono, the ceremonial attire for a Miko. The colors were chosen by Jeff,
however.

At a gesture from the demented author, seven portals opened at the
foot of the dais. One by one, he summoned his Seishi.

Kagato appeared in a globe of green light before the Tenchi Muyou
portal. He smirked as he viewed his surroundings, no doubt feeling his
technology and taste in interior decorating was superior.

Nakago, clad in his full armor, strode easily through the gate to
Fushigi Yuugi. There was nothing flashy about his entrance, nothing to
hint at his power. However, his bearing and small smile spoke volumes.
His eyes assesed his surroundings, looking for weaknesses and
opportunities, sure in the knowledge that he could handle any challenge.

Sailor Galaxia was next to appear, standing imperiously before the
dais. She sniffed slightly at Nabiki and eyed the other Seishi carefully.
Both Kagato and Nakago took note of the raw power her beautiful form
contained, though they gave no sign of being dismayed.

Largo strode arrogantly though his portal. He took his place
beside a wall and leaned back nonchalantly, his mismatched eyes fixed on
Nabiki and Jeff. Those eyes burned with a mad hunger for power to top his
already impressive store.

Clad in white and carrying his katana, Mendou Shutaro appeared. No
less confident than the other Seishi, he smiled at Nabiki, his teeth
glinting slightly. The others seemed somewhat amused but no one said
anything.

As quietly as a ninja, Ayanami Rei stepped through her portal. She
appeared no more powerful than any other fourteen-year-old. Her red eyes
and odd-colored hair would attract some notice, but they were nothing
compared to her absolutely emotionless face. The other Seishi found
themselves slightly unnerved (though they would never admit it.) There was
something strange about that girl.

Finally, Iczer-Two appeared in a flash of yellow light. Tall,
beautiful, efficient and ruthless. Those were the words that best
described her. She looked almost bored as she viewed her surroundings.

As soon as the last Seishi arrived, the subtle power struggles
began. Nabiki could feel it, in the casual glances and subtle looks... HER
Seishi gave each other. She could taste their powers on her tongue, thanks
to the link Jeff had forged between them. Kagato was cold and numbing.
Nakago was pleasant at first but then turned sour. Galaxia was like red
hot pepper on the tongue, burning uncontrollably. Largo had a metallic
tang to his power. Mendou was strong, yet without much substance. With
Rei, there was almost no taste at all, like distilled water. Finally,
Iczer-Two was like french-kissing a light socket.

There was a faint crackle and scent of ozone as those powers tested
each other, though nothing was visible to the naked eye. Nabiki looked at
Jeff, but he seemed unconcerned. He also didn't seem about to do anything.
With a start, Nabiki realized that he was leaving things in her hands.

"People, people, let's settle down and get to business, shall we?"
she said. At her words those seven pairs of eyes fell on her. Nabiki had
to use all her willpower to keep her face impassive.

"Why should we listen to a mere slip of a girl?" Kagato said.

"Power," the middle Tendo sister said. That got their attention.
"If we succeed, each of you will get a chance to crush your most hated
enemy once and for all. Here are our opponents." She hit a button on the
throne's arm and a hologram of the "Good" Seishi appeared. Most of her
Seishi grit their teeth and clenched their fists at the sight of their
enemies. Rei showed no reaction at all. Iczer-Two looked bored.

"There is no one there that I wish to fight," she said.

"Ah, but you are a warrior, made for combat, aren't you?" Nabiki
said. At a simple command, the hologram shifted to show shots of Ifurita
in action. Cities vaporized and vast armies fell before her. For the
first time, Iczer-Two showed some interest. "Imagine the challenge
inherent in defeating Ifurita, who also was built as a warrior. She can
copy any power used against her, so this is a battle that requires more
than brute force."

"Interesting," was all Iczer-Two would say, but Nabiki knew she had
the warrior. The images reverted to the group shot.

"Mendou Shutaro pledges himself to this cause! Any cause that
fights against Moroboshi is worthy! Besides," he said with another
glinting smile, "how can I refuse a request of such a beautiful woman?"

"The power of Tsunami..." Kagato mused. "That is a prize worth
fighting for."

"That worm dared harm me," Largo said, pointing to Priss, "so I
will enjoy making her suffer."

Nakago went so far as to kneel, but Nabiki knew that there was no
respect in the action. It was a ploy, a strategy, nothing more. "This
warrior pledges himself to your worthy cause, Nabiki-sama."

"Sailor Moon is an annoyance, nothing more," Galaxia said. "I will
toss her into primal chaos and claim the power of her pathetic trinket."

Rei said nothing.

"Ayanami-san, will you join us?" Nabiki said at last.

"Yes."

"You are willing to fight against your comrade?" Nabiki pressed,
unwilling to believe that Rei would take things so calmly.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You said to."

Nabiki gave up. It was probably a pointless conversation, anyway.

"Good, good," Jeff cackled. He raised his hands and seven bolts of
black lightning shot out, marking the Seven Seishi with black symbols of
power.

PRIDE appeared on Kagato's forehead.

AVARICE appeared on Mendou's sword hand.

LUST appeared on Nakago's chest, glowing through his armor.

ANGER appeared on Largo's left hand, the one Priss had destroyed in
their earlier encounter.

GLUTTONY appeared on Sailor Galaxia's shoulder.

ENVY appeared on Iczer-Two's neck.

SLOTH appeared on Rei's stomach, shining through her plug suit.

"You have one week to prepare, Nabiki. I know you will succeed!"
With that, Jeff vanished. The Seishi were examining their marks. Some of
them seemed a little displeased by the selection of markings. Rei, of
course, showed no reaction at all.

Nabiki smiled and sat in the throne. "Shall we begin?" she said.

* * *

David grimaced as he walked into the Konan Emperor's audience room.
He had underestimated John and Paul's reaction to his Seishi choices.
Fortunately Mitsukake, the healer of the Suzaku Seishi, was around.

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear John had been bitten by a rabid
wombat at birth," David muttered.

"What was that, Dave?" Paul said, leaning against a wall. John was
next to him, and both of them were giving him suspicious looks.

David sighed. "Don't call me Dave, Paul. And the answer is,
nothing."

Paul nodded. "Well, we gathered the Seishis here. Although I
still think you're nuts for picking some of THEM."

David grinned. "Hey, trust me, I know what I'm doing."

John growled, as Paul just rolled his eyes. David decided to turn
and address the Seishis instead.

The Seishis of the Triad.

David smiled as his eyes was drawn to the beautiful, serene woman.
"Tsunami," David said. A projection of Jurai's finest battleship, Tsunami
was serenity and harmony wrapped in the nastiest weaponry that House Jurai
could produce. He made a motion, and a glowing silver symbol appeared on
Tsunami's right shoulder. The Chinese symbol for "Sheep." David grinned,
feeling that the Chinese Zodiac sign was most appropriate. "Most feminine
of the zodiac, indeed," he thought.

A couple of shouts from the other Seishis diverted David's
attention. A loudmouthed teenage redhead girl and a tough-looking woman
pushed their way to the front.

"I ain't about to get branded like some kinda cow!" Priss Asagiri
shouted.

"Neither am I!" Asuka yelled at David.

David just sighed. "Look, it's temporary. After we're done, we
can take it off. In the meantime, think of it as a temporary tattoo."

Priss blinked, then grinned. Asuka just gave David a suspicious
look. "Don't think about putting it ANYWHERE on my private property!"
Asuka said, hugging her chest protectively. David grinned, as he willed
the symbols for "Tiger" on Priss's right arm and "Dragon" on Asuka's left
arm. Asuka hmph'ed and stormed back to her previous position, as Priss
slowly walked back, admiring her "tattoo."

"Me next! Me next!" cried a young girl with long blonde hair done
up in a very unusual style. Usagi Tsukino bounced up to David and leaned
towards him. David just looked at her, sighed, and then willed a glowing
silver character on her head: Rabbit.

A sudden chill ran through the room as a tall beautiful woman
walked towards David, holding a very large staff with a round orb on top of
it. "Ifurita," John whispered. David grimaced, backing away slightly as
he put "Dog" on Ifurita's left shoulder.

"Oooooh, BABY!" With a GLOMP, Ataru Moroboshi announced himself to
the room, and most particularly, to the region of Ifurita's chest. Without
saying a word, Ifurita raised the staff. *ZAP*

David barely managed to brand Ataru's left ankle with "Monkey"
before Ataru went flying past him.

David nodded. "Okay... that's all of them, right?" He counted.
"Wait. Six? Who's missing?"

Noise was heard outside the room. Paul grinned. "Oh, Tamahome had
a little problem coming this morning."

"Problem?" David asked.

"Miaka," John smiled.

A hand appeared at the doorway. This was followed by an handsome
face, surrounded by unkempt black hair. Then a thin, sinewy frame
followed. All the women in the room, with the exception of Ifurita and
Tsunami, took a sudden intake of air. "Wow, what a HUNK!" Usagi said with
hearts in her eyes.

"Miaka, come on, let go!" Tamahome said, as he dragged himself into
the room. Attached firmly to his leg was a young schoolgirl, wearing a
brown school uniform. Behind her was Nuriko. Nuriko was apologizing to
all the people in the hallway who had tripped or otherwise run afoul of
Miaka.

Miaka glared up at him with a mixed look of anger and fear.
"You're leaving me! And you're fighting that SCARY Nakago!"

"Whoa, a babe!" Ataru yelled, running toward the ravishing Nuriko.
He stopped before he got within five feet, however. "Ugh... You're a guy,
aren't you?"

Nuriko slammed Ataru into the wall, then looked away with an
innocent maidenly look. He lifted a hand and tee-hee'd. "Oh, you! You're
such a kidder!" the cross-dresser said, as everyone else sweat-dropped,
except for Tamahome and Miaka, who were still absorbed in their own
struggle.

Tamahome raised his leg and shook it. "LET GO ALREADY!!!" Miaka
held on ferociously for a few minutes, before Tamahome shook her loose.

Miaka went flying... to be caught in Ataru's waiting arms. (He had
made the world's fastest recovery from being used as wallpaper, it seemed.)
"Hello!" Ataru got out, before his face made acquaintance with Tamahome's
fist.

"What do you think you're doing to Miaka?" Tamahome seethed. Ataru
made no response, being unconscious.

David, who was sweating a bit watching the whole display, ahemed.
"Tamahome? We don't have time for this."

Tamahome nodded. "Damn right. I waived my usual fee, just so I
could get a shot at Nakago again. I owe that bastard."

"Right, right. Let me give you the Seishi symbol," David said. He
made a gesture.

Tamahome frowned. "Where did you put it?" He checked his
shoulders, then opened his shirt to reveal the glowing silver symbol,
"Rooster," on his chest.

Usagi fainted. Priss whistled. Asuka gaped. Ifurita raised an
eyebrow, and Tsunami smiled faintly. Miaka narrowed her eyes suspiciously,
frowned, and clutched Tamahome's right leg possessively. The men wore
unreadable expressions, except for Nuriko, who was busy powdering his face
before reaching out to *glomp* Tamahome's left arm. "Oh Tama-chan...!"

"Hey, get off me! Pervert! Miaka! Help!"

"Nuriko! He's MINE!" Miaka and Nuriko got into a playful (not-so-
playful on Miaka's part) tug-of-war over Tamahome. This just caused
Tamahome's shirt to open even further, showing his taut stomach and
muscular chest. Asuka was blushing as red as her plug suit now.

Ukyou peered through the door. "Hey, guys, sorry I'm late, but I
had a problem with the kimono..." she began, before seeing Tamahome. Her
eyes widened. "Tama... Tama... Tamahome.... eh heh heh." She blushed,
closed her eyes, put her hand behind her head, and giggled nervously.

The resulting chaos required all the Suzaku Seishis, all the
Nyanyans, and a demon head appearance from Taiitsu-kun to break up. John
had to be tranquilized for excessive frothing.

Tamahome just sweat-dropped. "Are ALL girls from other worlds this
forward?"

* * *

The Seishis of the Triad were put through their paces. Finally,
the day of Ragnarok arrived. Ukyou gathered her Seishis together, each
with his/her army behind him/her. Priss, wearing her blue armor, had the
AD Police behind her, Ataru had the Onis behind him, and Tamahome the army
of Konan Country. Asuka was wearing her red form-fitting plug suit,
awaiting orders to climb into her robot, EVA 02. Behind Sailor Moon was a
massive crowd of raving, slobbering fanboys. Tsunami had brought the
finest of Jurai's soldiers with her. Ifurita floated above it all, calmly
watching Ukyou while her army of soldiers from El Hazard muttered briefly
and nervously under her feet.

Ukyou smiled at her Seishis, savoring the connections she could
feel on her tongue with them. Tamahome, the supreme okonomiyaki. Priss,
the spicy okonomiyaki. Asuka, the peppery okonomiyaki. Tsunami, smooth
and creamy. Ifurita, so plain yet bold. Usagi, so light and airy and
sweet. And... *ICK*! She stuck her tongue out and shuddered. Ataru, the
sea urchin.

Despite their diverse personalities, Ukyou felt pretty good about
the group. Ataru, though he seemed to be the weakest of the lot, showed
the most tenacity, even if he HAD to be admonished quite often (with a very
large spatula) not to attack friendly forces. Ifurita's sheer destructive
potential was frightening. Priss and Asuka were like twin goddesses of
armored doom, and they worked surprisingly well together. Tsunami was the
calming force that unified the Seishis. Tamahome's fighting ability and
strength was amazing, nearly on a par with Ranchan! As for Usagi... well,
Ukyou had to take John's word that she would pull her weight.

There were numerous disputes among the Seishis as to who should
lead them in battle. Asuka had immediately claimed it, but the others were
unwilling to follow the hotheaded teenager. Tamahome turned it down,
saying he was more interested in ripping Nakago's head off his shoulders.
NOBODY wanted Ataru to lead them, and Ifurita showed no interest. Priss
was entirely too chaotic in her leadership style. In the end, they offered
it to Tsunami, who shook her head, and suggested someone else. They had
finally chosen a pretty good leader. Sorta, Ukyou thought as she eyed
Sailor Moon, who was giggling and talking to a profusely sweating black
cat. Even though Paul had protested this, David nodded to Ukyou with
approval at her choice (even if it was the only one she could make).
Still, the group they were going up against was scary, Ukyou had to admit.
The sheer destructiveness of Iczer-Two alone...

John prodded her. "Ukyou? You should give them a speech."

Ukyou blinked as she came out of her fugue,and realized what John
had said. She shuddered. "No, I can't...! I... I'm just no good at this
stuff."

"Okay, then, I'll do it!" David said. He marched up to the
Seishis, and ahemed. "Okay, guys. This is the day! You all know the
rules. The last Miko standing is the winner. You've been working for this
the whole week. Try not to die out there!"

Paul rolled his eyes. "Oh real awe-inspiring, David," he said as
Ukyou whacked David with her spatula.

Ukyou sighed. "Okay, I'll give the speech." She went out to face
them, and began to give a speech for the history books.

"Ahem. Um, can you all hear me? Okay... um... well, today, we go
out there to face the forces of darkness. We go forth to fight for love,
for honor, and for truth. We fight for freedom of speech. We go to punish
that scum-sucking evil bitch who should've known better than to touch her
sister's husband and did things with him that good girls just shouldn't do
even though that husband is sooo handsome and so brave and we should punish
her because she did bad things that _I_ haven't done with him, and she did
all those things with him even though that baka had me for a fiancee and
never ever gave me a kiss even though I'm the CUTE fiancee and now I'm
going to HURT her by shoving a few spatulas under her fingernails and then
I'm going to put her on the griddle and fry her till she's well done and
then I'm going to hunt down Ranchan and I'm going to beat him up and get
some answers from him and we're gonna..."

Ukyou blinked, as she realized everyone was STARING at her. She
blushed and smiled cutely. "Oh, um... sorry. Um. Let's kick butt!"

The armies cheered, and then prepared to converge towards the
transportation site. David and Paul followed them. Ukyou sighed, and
prepared to leave, when she noticed John walking over to her.

John looked at her sadly. Ukyou looked at John, feeling
apprehension. "Oh, kami, what do I say to him?" The look on John's face
was that of caring entirely too much, and Ukyou was starting to feel rather
confused about her feelings. Nabiki's words echoed in her head. "How are
we supposed to deal with the fact that Jeff knew us so well that we fell
right into his manipulations? Is what we're feeling real or something he
made us feel?"

John started to hug her, but she halted him. "Look, John-san, not
now. I'm all messed up. I just don't know if I'm in charge of my own
actions or if one of you authors is messing with my emotions or whatever.
All I know is, after talking to Nabiki, I'm not sure anymore about my
feelings. For you or for anyone else. Please... leave me alone."

John looked downcast, as Ukyou walked away.

* * *

The armies of the Seishis of the Triad gathered, and began their
journey to Lodoss, teleported there by the authors. The last remaining
were the Seishis themselves. Led by Bishojo Senshi Sailor Moon, the Triad
Seishis gathered outside the Konan palace and waved to the population as
they awaited their Miko.

Ukyou Kuonji, dressed in her traditional okonomiyaki uniform and
carrying her large spatula, came riding out of the palace on a large gray
mare. She nodded at her Seishis, and turned her head towards Chichiri, who
was standing atop the palace with the rest of the Suzaku Seishis and Miaka.
Chichiri nodded at her and began to chant.

The wandering monk said a prayer of blessing over the party, and
then the Seishis prepared to leave. Konan's population cheered and waved.

The last thing Ukyou heard as she was transported was Chichiri's
cheerful "We who are about to watch you die salute you, no da!!!"

* * *

Meanwhile, the Seishi of the One were gathered in the cathedral of
Kagato's Soujya II. Nabiki was seated on the throne and her seven Seishi
were clustered before her, along with the gathered officer corps of their
armies. Largo had three boomers behind him that looked exactly like him,
though there was no mistaking the power-mad gleam in the eyes of the
original. Iron Mouse, Aluminum Siren, Lead Crow, and Tin Nyanko abased
themselves behind Sailor Galaxia, looking like they would rather be
anywhere else than under the eye of their superior. Nakago had a few of
his officers behind him, but they were mere tokens. Their medieval armor
looked out of place in the hi-tech cathedral, and especially with the
blaster carbines they were toting. Behind Iczer-Two were a selection of
nightmarish beasts from the Cthuluwulf, good shock troops if nothing else.
Mendou had his officers standing rigidly at attention behind him. Rei and
Kagato stood alone.

"The time has come," Nabiki said. "Nakago, are we prepared?"

"Yes, Nabiki-sama," the blond shogun replied. "Kagato's weapons
have been dispersed to those who require them. We shall make short work of
our foes."

"The Soujya II is all the firepower we need!" Kagato announced.

"Now, now, Kagato-chan," Nabiki said soothingly. "We discussed
this. You'll have your hands full taking on Tsunami at first. There's no
point in not taking precautions."

Kagato looked disgruntled, but let it pass.

"Enough of this foolishness," Iczer-Two said. "I only wish to test
my new strength against this Ifurita." She raised her hands and two green
jewels glinted from where they were embedded in her wrists. Kagato smiled
proudly. While not quite up to Washuu's power gems, he had not been idle
in all his years of searching. Adding them to Iczer-Two's own formidable
powers was like throwing antimatter into a nuclear explosion.

"Follow the plan and you ALL will get what you want," Nabiki said.
She stood and walked down amongst them. "Remember what's at stake here and
why we pooled our resources."

"Of course, Nabiki-sama," Nakago said.

"I shall bring you Moroboshi's head on a pike," Mendou swore.

"As long as that blue-suited worm feels my wrath, I will be
content," Largo vowed.

"Is your link to the Soujya's weapons working?" Nabiki asked.

Largo raised his left hand and clenched it into a fist, his Seishi
symbol glowing darkly. "'And the first angel sounded the trumpet and there
followed hail and fire mingled with blood,'" he quoted. "I am ready."

"Ayanami? Are you ready?"

"Hai."

Nabiki knew it would be pointless to press for more of an answer.

"Galaxia?"

"I am ready."

Nabiki looked each of them in the eyes, one after another. "Do not
fail our purpose," she said.

The Seishi of the One bowed. Somewhere, Jeff threw back his head
and laughed.

* * *

The portals from Konan country open up on the plains of Lodoss,
disgorging the mighty armies gathered from seven worlds. Oni battle
cruisers flew overhead in formation around Tsunami. ADPolice transports
and helicopters followed, and then the horses and men of Konan. The
drooling fanboys were a vast mob that lay on the land like a plague of
locusts. Evangelion Unit 02 stomped along, receiving power in a tight beam
from Tsunami, thus doing away with its biggest liability, the power cord.
There was no place to plug it in on Lodoss, anyway. The armies and fleets
got into their position and awaited the coming of the enemy. Binoculars
and sophisticated sensors scanned the horizon, eagerly seeking the foe.

All was silent.

"Where are they?" Ukyou said from her command post. "They're late!
And they're the ones who picked the time and everything!"

The moon of Lodoss rose quietly over the horizon.

"It's probably a scare tactic," Tsunami said quietly from where she
stood beside Ukyou. Her ability to be in two places at once made for very
good communications. Suddenly, the blue-haired woman froze. "Oh, my," she
said faintly, looking up at the moon in the sky.

"What? What?" Ukyou almost screamed.

"To quote someone from your world, 'That's no moon, it's a space
station.'"

Ukyou looked up. The 'moon' was indeed a gigantic space battleship
bristling with weapons. As she watched, it seemed to grow larger and
larger until it seemed to fill a third of the sky.

"Kagato always did overcompensate for his feelings of inferiority,"
Tsunami said placidly.

Thousands of small specks detached themselves from the gargantuan
ship, swooping down toward the plains. Only as they grew closer could
Ukyou truly judge their size. Each of them must have held hundreds of
troops, and they were guarded by dozens of fightercraft each.

"Ataru! Tsunami! Take out as many of those troop ships as you
can! Come on people, let's cook with gas!" Ukyou screamed.

The battle was joined.

* * *

Tamahome, dressed in a black Chinese robe, stood at the front of
the battle lines, looking up at the large enemy spaceship. The Suzaku
Seishi could only shake his head at the sheer size of it. Around him, the
Konan army was muttering among themselves, in a near panic.

"We can't fight that!" "Are they crazy? I'm getting out of here!"

Tamahome spun around at the army. "What're you, men or wusses?"
He pointed up at the sky, where already, the Oni ships were gathering.
"They're taking care of that iron bird. Our mission is to take care of the
land forces! Kutou Country is among them, and it is them we will stop!"

Tamahome spun on his heels and strode forth to the front of the
lines. There, he reached into his pocket, and took out a red ribbon.
"Miaka..." he thought, as he slowly tied the ribbon around his right arm.
Then he turned to face his men.

"Let's move!"

They marched forth into battle.

* * *

Ifurita rose above the battlefield, scanning carefully for the most
worthwhile target. With the ease of long experience, she targeted a small
group of transports and let loose her Red Thunder. They disappeared in a
satisfactory ball of incandescent gas.

She was tracking another target when suddenly the world wavered and
turned 90 degrees away from its proper setting. The battlefield of Lodoss
was replaced with an endless vista of blue sky and floating islands of
matter.

"Interesting. Subspatial transport," Ifurita commented as her
systems assimilated the technique. It was, she noted, less versatile than
the Eye of God, but also consumed less power. She deemed it a worthy
addition to her arsenal.

"It is a good way to remove distractions," someone said behind her.

Ifurita turned and faced Iczer-Two. The two warriors locked gazes,
each seeking some weakness in the other they could exploit.

"Iczer-Two," Ifurita said dispassionately," Humanoid Battle
Construct developed by the Cthulwulf. Primary ability: Absorption and
control over ambient cosmic energy. Upper limit of power: Unknown."

Iczer-Two nodded, accepting the analysis for what it was, a
straight-forward statement of fact. She returned the favor, equally
dispassionately. "Ifurita. Humanoid Battle Construct from the dimension
of El Hazard. Primary Ability: Assimilation of any attack used against
unit. Upper limit of power: Unknown."

Ifurita raised an eyebrow as she considered her foe. "Interesting.
I have not had a truly serious challenge in thousands of years."

"I thought that you would appreciate this."

Ifurita raised her staff. "Shall we begin?"

"Quite." Iczer-Two charged, energy sword held high.

* * *

Asuka Langley gave an exasperated sigh, from inside her robot, EVA
Unit 02. Despite her naturally superior fighting skills, they were having
her baby-sit some dinky spaceship? She frowned. She had the world's very
best weapon, Evangelion Unit Oh-Two, a 50 feet tall heavily armored robot,
with which she had near-perfect synchronization, and they were just
relegating her to the background? She would almost rather kiss Ikari
Shinji again than playing rear guard; she was a fighter, dammit! She was
hoping to take the stage full-center and have the world adore her marvelous
skills (and dazzling beauty, of course!) And now she was stuck, providing
anti-air support.

Tsunami's image appeared on her telecommunications screen. "The
enemy is coming. Prepare yourself."

Asuka sighed, knowing full well that her duties on anti-air support
required she be able to take out the maneuverable ships. Then she narrowed
her eyes. Well, then, if that was her role, let it be said that Asuka
Langley was the best there was!

Asuka raised her guns and began to target the dropships that would
soon disgorge the enemy ground troops... IF they landed. She began
shooting them, grinning at the ease with which she was picking them off.
This was almost as much fun as picking on Shinji!

Suddenly, her telecommunications beeped again. Tsunami appeared.
"Warning, warning, warning. An unidentified object has ejected from the
Soujya II. It is headed your way."

Asuka blinked. EVA Unit 02 raised its head and began scanning.
"Where?" Asuka queried.

Then a shadow fell over her. EVA Unit 02 turned and looked into
the sun. Asuka blinked and rubbed at her eyes, trying to get the monitor
to filter the glare out. Her eyes widened as the screen cleared, and she
barely managed to erect the AT Field before EVA Unit 00 smashed into it,
brandishing a wicked electrified blade the size of a tree.

* * *

Inside EVA Unit 00, Ayanami Rei calmly moved her controls. EVA 00
adjusted its grip on the knife from a stabbing downward position into a
position more suitable for knife-to-knife fighting. Her knife's field
crackled, as Kagato's modifications had boosted its strength up. Rei's
emotionless red eyes were drawn to a communication panel beeping. She
reached out to turn it on.

Asuka's angry face popped up. "What do you think you're doing,
traitor? Are you trying to take me on? Just HAVE to prove you're better
than me? I'm the one who scored higher than you in the synchronization
tests!"

Rei's only response was to have Evangelion Unit 00 slash at EVA
Unit 02. EVA Unit 02 danced out of the way, pulling out its own large
knife, itself crackling with the modifications that Jurai technicians had
made to it.

They met, knife to knife.

--- to be continued.

-----
The DnR Round Robin was originally slated for release April Fool's Day 1997.
Final release 10/29/97. Go figure.

A product of the deranged mind of Jeff Hosmer after reading one too many
DnR critiques... also writing were John Walter Biles, David Tai and Paul
Gallegos.

(c) 1997 Digital Knight Communications
http://www.tass.org/~ranma/home.html