[Ranma][Fanfic] Daigakusei no Ukyou: As You Like It - Episode 2

[Ranma Saotome]

I'm watching through the looking glass
At a girl I thought I once knew
But beneath the mellow tears
Not everything is clear
And I just don't know her anymore

Imagine the surprise
Reflected in her eyes

Generations pass and the child walks alone
I took for granted a love I could call my own
But I don't need anyone anymore
People have come and gone
But I have the strength to carry on
I have evened the score

The awakening has passed on.

+-----------------------------------------------------------+
| Daigakusei no Ukyou: As You Like It |
| |
| Created by David Tai, Paul Gallegos, |
| Jeffrey Paul Hosmer and John Walter Biles |
| |
| Based on the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi |
+-----------------------------------------------------------+

===============================================================================
-= Episode 2: "Catastrophe! Film at the Nekohanten." =-
===============================================================================

[Early Friday evening. Lardizabal is walking down the street, Makiko in
tow. She seems to be animatedly describing some project at school.]

Makiko: ...and I'm really excited about my class project in Programming I!

Lardizabal: [trying to follow but completely lost] Huh... really?

Makiko: [looks at Lardizabal and giggles] Oops! Sorry, Tanaka-kun, I must
have been boring you. How are your classes? [eagerly] Are you
going to be in another play soon?

Lardizabal: [succumbing to Makiko's interest, but trying to appear modest]
Well, there will be one or two small class productions, but
nothing major this late in the semester. I was hoping to get
out for the lead in one of them, but I couldn't find time
around my classes...

[They are just arriving at the Nekohanten when they hear a crash from
inside.]

Makiko: What was that?

Lardizabal: I don't know... let's see.

[He opens the door so that they can stick their heads in. Six youths in
black clothes are clustered around the bar of the Nekohanten, facing a
scared-looking young man. The man is standing in front of a woman and is
trying to keep the gang away from her.]

Gang Member 1: [holding a beer bottle by the neck and waving it menacingly
at the young man] Come on! Fight me if you're man enough!

Makiko: [to Lardizabal] You have to do something, Tanaka-kun!

Lardizabal: Me? Why me?

Makiko: You're a martial artist, aren't you? [imploringly] Please?

Lardizabal: OK, just a second. [pulls out his flask and takes a few good
swigs] Here we go... [his voice is noticeably slurred]

[Lardizabal launches himself into the room. Well, actually, it looks more
like he stumbles into the room. The gang of youths doesn't notice him
until he grasps two of them by the shoulders, as if trying to support
himself.]

Lardizabal: Excush me... [slams the two youths' heads together] Oopsh.
[he watches them fall to the ground, clutching their heads]

Gang Member 1: What the...?

Gang Member 2: What's he doing...?

[Lardizabal continues his attack, weaving drunkenly into a third gang
member. The youth tries to move out of his way, but Lardizabal manages to
knock him down.]

Lardizabal: Excush me again.... [hiccups] Let me help you up...

[He bends over to apparently help the fallen gang member up, dodging a
fourth member's attempt to grab him. While that gang member looks stupidly
at empty air, Lardizabal pulls the fallen youth to his feet with so much
force he goes flying headfirst into the fourth gang member and they smash
into a table. The table breaks underneath them.]

Lardizabal: [swaying drunkenly on his feet] Whosh next?

Makiko: [from the door] Yay, Tanaka-kun!

Voice: CUT! Who let that idiot on the set?

[We now see, out of sight of the door, a small film crew. They appear to
be university students, possibly juniors and seniors by their age. The man
yelling at Lardizabal is a tall, thin, dark-haired student with glasses and
who constantly moves nervously as he speaks. Sitting in a director's chair
is a more laid-back individual. He has narrow, lean features, a scraggly
beard, glasses with square frames and a wild, slightly mad look in his
eyes. He is wearing a red and yellow flower print shirt and a red
director's cap.]

Nervous Student: [pointing at Lardizabal] You! You have RUINED the scene!
We have managed to waste an entire DAY setting up for this
shot because of you!

[The laid-back student puts a restraining hand on the nervous student's
shoulder.]

Laid-back Student: No, Steven... I see potential in this. You see, he...
[points at Lardizabal] is, like, indicative of the
spirit of the bar, poignantly lashing out at aggressors
and, you know, protecting the innocent. It's very
karmic.

Steven: Karmic?! It destroys the scene, Francis!

Francis: [shrugs] I think we should keep it. Whoa, major inspiration,
let's keep it, but it won't be the spirit of the bar, but, like,
the spirit of justice appearing in the CONTEXT of a bar...

Steven: [starts to pull at his hair] Argh!

Lardizabal: [still swaying, but sobering up rapidly] Can someone tell me
what is going on?

[Later. Lardizabal, Makiko, Francis, Steven, Shampoo, and Mousse are
sitting at the bar. Shampoo is looking a little tired. Around them,
students work at cleaning up the mess made by the fight.]

Lardizabal: You're making a movie in the Nekohanten?

Shampoo: [nodding] They pay big time. [smiles]

Francis: Yes. The natural ambience of this establishment is conducive to
the portrayal of man's inner struggle with his physical and moral
natures while, simultaneously contending with external forces.

[Everyone looks at him blankly until Steven speaks up.]

Steven: We couldn't get a sound stage, so we had to settle for this...
[trails off as Shampoo stares at him] Anyway, we're part of the
Mizunoikan Film Club, you see. The Club is competing in an Amateur
Film Contest. We're putting in a lot of entries, hoping that one
of them will win, but most of the Seniors took our usual production
facilities. Fortunately, Francis has a rich family.

[Francis nods amiably.]

Mousse: Tendo Nabiki apparently knows Steven and Francis and suggested the
Nekohanten. She even helped negotiate the deal.

Makiko: So, where is Nabiki?

Steven: [coughing and nodding towards Francis] She had some... artistic
differences with us and decided to just act as an intermediary.
Since she also helped finance the film, she'll get a part of the
prize money. [looks glum] It's in her contract.

Lardizabal: So, what's the film about?

Francis: [enthusiastic] Okay. Like, here's the concept. We've got this
girl, only it's not a girl, it's EVERY girl, and this guy who may
or may not be any guy, I haven't finalized. Anyway, they're dual,
like a bi-organism, VERY into the whole karmic thing. So this
gang, which represents forces that drive bonds apart, takes her
away, and this guy embodies RAGE and goes after them, like a
journey of the soul, right? Proving grounds of man and all? And we
get into a bunch of what the LAYMAN would call 'fights' but which
are really dances of masculine power and sexual energy, and
finally after we conquer the final bad guy who is in charge of the
oppressive forces, there's this joining of two bodies and
unlocking of stored beauty, like, POTENTIAL beauty and love, and
they leave.

[Lardizabal looks stunned while Mousse and Steven seem to have heard it all
before. Shampoo looks confused, as most of the words were beyond her.
Makiko is the only one who seems to be thinking about the answer
coherently.]

Makiko: [puzzled] They just leave?

Francis: Well, TECHNICALLY, yes, but really on a deeper level they've
transcended the plane of manifestation and into the realm of the
one, the true, the good and the beautiful.

Lardizabal: Gah.

Francis: [speaking earnestly] I can't, like, take all the credit. This is
a modern updating of the classical Hong Kong action hero, Wong Fei
Hong. We will, like, be exploring what all other Wong Fei Hong
movies failed to convey, the portrayal of a class struggle,
exemplified by the actions of one man, the hero, representing the
disenfranchised lower class, as he struggles against the villains,
or bourgeois upper class. It is, like, my belief that the
Japanese need to be exposed to the legend of Wong Fei Hong.

Steven: [explaining for the terminally confused] Wong Fei Hong is your
basic hero, righter of wrongs, rob from the rich, give to the poor
type. Basically, it'll be a martial arts action movie. Guy's
girlfriend gets kidnaped by a gang in the first scene--which YOU
ruined. [glares at Lardizabal] The hero then adopts a disguise
and fights the gang. In the end he rescues his girlfriend and they
ride off into the sunset.

Lardizabal: [recovering his equilibrium] Oh. Why didn't you just say so?
Pretty hackneyed plot.

Steven: [points at Francis] Tell Mr. Artiste that. But the contest is
more about the production of the film rather than the story.

[The guy and the girl whom the 'gang' had been confronting comes up to the
bar at this moment.]

Guy: [to Francis] Francis-san! I must protest these last minute changes
you have made in my script!

Girl: Me, too! [holds up a script which seems liberally scribbled on in
red ink] How do you expect me to learn ALL these changes in time to
perform?

Steven: Now, now... Mamoru-san, Usagi-san... I'm sure we can reach some
sort of compromise.

Francis: [as if Steven weren't speaking] I can, like, only go where my
Muse takes me. Inspiration, you know, STRIKES me and I must
become one with its cosmic message. [looks carefully at the guy
(Mamoru)] Whoa! New idea! We can have you wearing a frog suit
in the last scene, representing the classical prince-frog motif in
a physical representation. It adds totally new dimensions to your
unmasking after the kiss, a true metamorphosis, the shedding of
the cocoon...

Mamoru: I am NOT wearing a frog suit!

Usagi: And I am not kissing a frog!

Mamoru: Francis-san, if you do not change the script back, I QUIT!

Usagi: Me too!

Francis: [shrugging] OK. [turns to Steven] Bummer... now we need totally
new actors.

Usagi, Mamoru, and Steven: Huh?!

Francis: [nodding] Yes! I see a totally NEW perspective. The changing
hero and damsel, indicative of the changing ways of our time.
Very symbolic. [munches on some bar nuts]

[Mamoru and Usagi start to protest, but two members of the film crew haul
them off.]

Film Crew 1: Sorry, but Francis is the one who's paying us for this.

Film Crew 2: Have a nice day!

[Mamoru and Usagi get thrown out the door. Steven turns to Francis in a
state of near-apoplexy.]

Steven: WHERE are we going to get new actors from?

Makiko: Tanaka-kun is an actor! He's a theater arts major! [beams at
Lardizabal]

Francis: Really? Coolness. [turns to Steven] See? No problem.

Lardizabal: [sweating] Um, well...

Steven: [ignoring Lardizabal] Now, we need a damsel... [turns to Makiko]
What about you, miss?

Makiko: [blushing] I could never... I mean, I'd be too embarrassed. What
about Shampoo?

[Shampoo blinks. She has been pretty quiet throughout the conversation.
She looks like she was in the middle of dozing off. She snaps her head up,
ignoring a sympathetic look from Mousse.]

Shampoo: Yes?

Steven: Good! We'll compensate you, of course.

Francis: Righteous! Yes, the exotic Amazon as the symbol for womanhood,
strong, yet incomplete without the yang to her yin... or is that
the yin to yang?

[Shampoo's gaze turns very cold. Mousse hastens to change the subject.]

Mousse: [to Makiko] Francis-san also needs a lot of help with the props
and equipment, Makiko-san. Maybe you'd like to help out like the
rest of us, watch Tanaka-san perform?

Makiko: [beams] Yes! I'd love to help! I bet Ukyou would want to help as
well! She loves plays and theater stuff, especially after she got
that part in the Taming of the Shrew.

[The group continues talking about the film. Shampoo excuses herself
early, however, and disappears into the kitchen. Mousse follows her a
moment later.]

Mousse: [In Mandarin] <Are you OK, Shampoo?>

Shampoo: [looking angrily at him] <Why did you interrupt--> [stops and
takes a deep breath] T-thank you, Mousse.

Mousse: [looking at her sympathetically] <I know you wanted to pound him,
but without the money from Francis and Nabiki...> [shrugs]

[Shampoo turns away and Mousse decides not to force his company on her. He
leaves. Shampoo walks over to the far wall and looks at a picture mounted
there. It is of the entire gang from Nerima, taken when they were stranded
on Togenkyou, the Island of Illusions. She reaches out and presses her
finger against Ranma's picture.]

Shampoo: <Ranma, why don't you come to me...?> [looks at Cologne in the
picture] Great-grandmother... <why did you leave?>

[She stares at the photo for the longest time, her finger sliding over the
old, familiar faces. Finally, it stops under one. It looks like Shampoo
might actually speak a third name, but she doesn't.]

* * *

[Ukyou and Makiko's apartment. Ukyou and Ranma are lying on the floor,
staring at math texts in another study session. Ukyou is wearing a
comfortable T-shirt and jeans, while Ranma is wearing his usual Chinese
outfit. Megami is sitting at the table, reading a children's manga,
mouthing the words as she reads them. Megami seems to be about ten years
old.]

Ukyou: [looking up] Ran-chan, what did you get on problem seven?

[Ranma says nothing and keeps scribbling at his paper.]

Ukyou: Ran-chan?

Ranma: [running his fingers through his hair] Damn it! I can't get this to
work out!

Ukyou: [scooting over] Let me take a look. [scoots over next to him and
leans in close to study his paper] Ran-chan, you keep repeating the
procedure here...

Ranma: No way! [looks at it] Oh. No wonder it didn't work out...

Megami: Is Uncle Ran-chan OK, Ukyou?

Ranma: [smiling over at the little girl] I'm fine, Megami-chan.

[Megami blushes and buries her head in the manga. Ukyou smiles at her as
Ranma bends down over his paper again. Her smile turns a little nervous as
she realizes just how close she is to him. He doesn't seem to notice. She
shakes her head and is about to move away when...]

Makiko: [bouncing in] I'm home!!

[Ukyou whips her head around at the sound of Makiko's voice. At the same
time, Ranma raises his head sharply and collides with Ukyou's chin with a
loud crack.]

Ranma and Ukyou: Ow!

Megami: [giggling] Auntie Maki!

Makiko: [noticing Ranma and Ukyou's discomfort] Well, that's one way to
put your heads together. [smiles and goes over to pick up Megami]
How are you, Megami-chan? Oof, you're getting too heavy for this.

Megami: [waving her manga] I wanna be a magical girl when I grow up, Auntie
Maki!

[Makiko, Ukyou, and Ranma exchange glances. Ukyou gets up and takes Megami
from Makiko.]

Ukyou: You're already a magical girl, Megami-chan.... [hugs Megami tightly]
Now, go read your manga while your Uncle Ran-chan and I finish our
homework, OK?

[Megami looks at Ranma, who smiles at her again. Megami squirms in Ukyou's
arms and makes her put her down. She then runs off into Ukyou and Makiko's
bedroom and closes the door. The others watch her with expressions of
amusement and/or confusion. Makiko then flops down on the floor by Ranma.
Ukyou sits back down by her book.]

Makiko: You'll never guess what happened today!

[Makiko quickly fills them in on what happened to her and Lardizabal at the
Nekohanten, not mentioning that Lardizabal now has the lead.]

Ranma: You're kidding? They're filming a movie?

Ukyou: Wow, sounds exciting, Maki-chan!

Makiko: They need people to help out and I volunteered. Do you want to
help too, Ukyou? It'd be a lot of fun!

Ukyou: [putting a finger to her cheek] Well, I dunno... I have to watch
Megami-chan and all... [Makiko's face falls. Ukyou giggles.] Okay,
I'll do it! [turns to Ranma] What about you, Ran-chan?

Ranma: Huh?

Makiko: Yeah! Please say you'll help us out, Ran-chan!

[Makiko and Ukyou stare at Ranma imploringly.]

Ranma: [sweating] Cut... Cut that out! Look, I have too much work to do
for my classes and finals are only a week away--

Makiko: [looking sad] I guess we'll just have to get Tanaka-kun to do it--

[Makiko winks at Ukyou secretly. Ukyou looks confused at first, then
comprehension dawns.]

Ranma: [snorting] Lardy? Look what happened in the last play he took part
in!

Ukyou: [mock-sorrowfully] Well, who else could do as good a job on the
set?

Ranma: Hah! I could do it lots better than that drunk!

[Makiko and Ukyou trade smug glances.]

Ukyou: Gee, thanks, Ran-chan! Maki-chan, when should we be there?

Ranma: Hey, waitasec! I never said--

Makiko: Oh, come on, Ran-chan. It'll be a lot of fun!

Ranma: I can't help out, OK? I need to find some part-time work.

Ukyou: [frowning] I thought that you and Akane were living off money from
home...

Ranma: Yeah, well, we've had to pay a lot for... um, repairs to the room
over the semester. Akane's doing some work for her theater
professors, typing papers and the like.

Ukyou: Well, Francis is apparently paying the stage hands something. Maybe
you can work for him?

Ranma: At the Nekohanten? Um...

Ukyou: Can't hurt to try, can it? At the very least, you can help us keep
an eye on Megami while we're working.

[Ranma looks dubious. Makiko, however, starts pleading with him and Ukyou
joins in.]

Makiko and Ukyou: Pleeeeeeeease, Ran-chan?

[Ranma gives in, looking nervous as Makiko and Ukyou talk about the film.]

* * *

[The Nekohanten, Saturday. Francis and Steven are directing their helpers
as they get ready to re-shoot the opening scene of the movie. Shampoo and
Lardizabal, meanwhile, are being worked over by the makeup and costuming
people. Mousse is helping the stage hands out.]

Shampoo: Shampoo no see why no beat up gang.

Steven: [groaning] Look, Shampoo, the whole point of the movie is for the
hero to fight against impossible odds to rescue the damsel, namely
you.

Shampoo: [snorting] Gang not so tough. Shampoo beat with one hand.

Steven: [looking nervously over his shoulder at Francis] Please, don't
give him any ideas...

[Shampoo still looks grumpy, but sits quietly as the costumers and makeup
artists finish their job. Actually, she looks quite pretty, if in a
totally different fashion than usual. She is wearing a nice Western-style
white dress and her hair is now in a long braid trailing down her back.
She looks less exotic and more... cute. Lardizabal looks pretty much the
same as ever, except for the addition of a leather jacket. At this moment,
Ranma, Makiko, Ukyou, and Megami come in. Megami is wearing a sailor suit
and clutching Ukyou's hand as she looks around with big eyes.]

Makiko: [calling out] Francis-san, Steven-san! Sorry we're late!

[Makiko walks over to the directors. Shampoo, meanwhile, lights up at the
sight of Ranma.]

Shampoo: [runs over] Aiya, Ranma come see Shampoo!

Ranma: [instinctively backing away] Uh, no Shampoo I-- [gets a good look
at her costume] Huh? Shampoo, what are you wearing?

Ukyou: [looking not too happy] That's a... different look, Shampoo.

Megami: Ukyou, who's that?

Ukyou: That's Shampoo, Megami. She's a... friend of your Uncle Ran-chan's.

Megami: [pouting] Don't like her. She looks stupid. [makes a face]

[Shampoo's face clouds over, but Makiko walks back over before things get
out of hand.]

Makiko: I think she looks great! [spies Lardizabal] Wow, Tanaka-kun, you
look cool!

Lardizabal: [smiles] Think so?

Makiko: [turning to Ranma] Oh, Ran-chan, Francis and Steven say they can
use another hand... they ll only pay us about 500 yen an hour, but
they're filming today and tomorrow... about 10 hours a day... that
OK?

Ranma: [looking relieved] That'll help. Thanks, Makiko.

Shampoo: [snuggling up to Ranma] Ranma like Shampoo new look?

Ranma: [sweating] Um, er... it's... that is... it's kinda... well, maybe
sorta cute. Why are you wearing that get-up?

Shampoo: [beaming] Is for film! [she gets closer, if possible] Ranma,
when you leave Akane? Violent tomboy's food put spell on you?

[Megami sticks her tongue out at Ranma and Shampoo and runs off, dragging
Ukyou with her. Makiko giggles and follows them.]

Ranma: Geez, it's not like that! [sees the rest leaving] Ucchan, wait!

Ukyou: [grinning] See you later, Ran-chan! [waves]

[While Ranma tries to extricate himself from Shampoo, Ukyou and Makiko
wander over to Lardizabal. Megami watches them, chewing a lock of her hair
solemnly, though she looks over at Ranma occasionally.]

Makiko: Good luck, Tanaka-kun!

Ukyou: [smiling] Yeah, must be exciting, your first screen role.

Lardizabal: [craning his neck to look around] Ah... didn't Akane come?

[Makiko frowns slightly, but Lardizabal doesn't notice.]

Ukyou: Nope, she's doing some work for one of her theater professors.

[Further conversation is cut short as Steven and Francis apparently decide
the set is as good as it is going to get.]

Steven: Places, people! [to Francis] Do you really think it will work
this time?

Francis: [shrugs] Who can, like, say? The path of a true artist is a
rocky, road-less-traveled, difficult path, you know, winding ever
onward. Hey, do you think we can work in, like, a road trip our
hero takes on his journey of self-discovery to--

Steven: No.

[Francis blinks. He was expecting a longer argument.]

Francis: Steven, your vibes are getting majorly uncool.

Steven: Francis, you are a hell of an artist, but if you suggest one more
major change to the film that we do not have the budget for, I will
personally run your spleen through the editing machine. Do we
understand each other?

Francis: [blinks] Wow, righteous anger attack. [nods] I can work with
you like that. [thinks] Do you think you could, like, do that
again on film? It would work in well for the scene on vengeance
and the finer emotions of the soul--

[Steven looks ready to tear his hair out again. Slowly, the actors take
their places. Shampoo tears herself away from Ranma, finally, to take her
place as well. Ranma is put to work on some last minute rearranging of
furniture. Ukyou and Makiko are also put to work, largely helping Francis
and Steven out where needed, running errands and carrying messages. Megami
stays close to the costuming and makeup people, who immediately start
playing dress-up with her.]

Makiko: [standing in front of the camera with a clapboard marked "SCENE 1,
Rehearsal"] And... ACTION! [giggles and darts away]

[Lardizabal and Shampoo are sitting together at a table. Shampoo is
looking bored, while Lardizabal is trying to summon up some enthusiasm for
acting across from her. He has his script in front of them, as this is a
dress rehearsal before actually filming.]

Lardizabal: Are you having a good time, Ching-Hsia?

Shampoo: [speaking in Mandarin] <Of course, Fei Hong, because I'm with
you.> [looks like she might vomit]

Steven: Hold it! Why aren't you speaking Japanese, Shampoo?

Shampoo: [holding out the script] You say read what script say. Shampoo
read.

[Steven looks at the script. It has been written in Mandarin by one of the
helpful stage hands.]

Steven: Read it in Japanese. Japanese!

Shampoo: Why you not say before. [turns back to Lardizabal] Of course,
Fei Hong, because Sh--Ching-Hsia with you.

[A low groan is heard from Steven's direction. The actors continue.
Lardizabal takes Shampoo's hand. In the crowd, Makiko frowns suddenly.
Ukyou notices this.]

Ukyou: [whispers] Hey, something wrong, Maki-chan?

Makiko: [also whispering] He doesn't have to hold her hand, does he?
Isn't he putting it on a bit thick?

[Ukyou just grins at her roommate. Meanwhile, on the set, the "gang" has
made their swaggering entrance. They quickly approach Shampoo and
Lardizabal and one of them tries to grab Shampoo. Big mistake. Shampoo
casually grabs the offender's wrist and sends him flying.]

Steven: [strangled tone] CUT!

* * *

[Later in the day. Shampoo and Lardizabal have settled a bit into their
roles and Mousse is running a small drink stand for the crew.]

Ukyou: [approaching Mousse] Hey, Mousse, it's getting near dinner time...
is there anything to eat?

Mousse: [pushing his glasses back on his nose] Oh, hi, Ukyou. No, I don't
have anything other than bar nuts. Shampoo handles the restaurant
part, but she's been too busy today to cook. [looks glum] I'm not
looking forward to defaulting, but to be honest, I'm not a great
cook.

Ukyou: Defaulting?

Mousse: [depressed] When Tendo Nabiki set up the deal between us and
Francis, it said we're supposed to supply food and drink for the
crew at cost.

Ukyou: [blinks] Mousse, isn't the Nekohanten doing well?

Mousse: [looks around and continues as no one else is near] Not that
great. Business is good, but we barely make any profit because the
overhead is so high. Shampoo is working herself too hard....
[looks embarrassed] I never realized how the old ghoul made things
easier. No one ever dared overcharge her or walk out on a tab.

Ukyou: [getting a serious glint in her eye] Well, don't worry, Mousse.
[reaches out and squeezes his hand] I'll make sure that you don't
lose money on this.

Mousse: Um, thanks, Ukyou.... [lowers his voice] I've been meaning to ask
you.... who's the child you and Makiko brought?

Ukyou: [evasively] Um, well, she's a Moon-child. I found her in a bamboo
grove and... [sees the look on Mousse's face] I'm telling the truth!
Ran-chan isn't the only person weird stuff happens to, you know!
[heads for the kitchen]

[Mousse looks on as Ukyou darts away, then starts polishing to his counter
again. Ukyou goes up to Shampoo, who is going over her lines for her next
scene.]

Shampoo: [in Mandarin] <Who wrote this script? I'm a barely competent
bimbo in it! Ching-Hsia is a really weak name, too!> [in
Japanese, looking disgusted] "Eek! Save me!" [in Mandarin]
<Now if RANMA rescued me and we went to China together that would
be a good story.>

[Shampoo smiles and daydreams of Ranma carrying her off into the sunset.
Suddenly, Ranma changes into Mousse, eyeglasses golden in the sun. Shampoo
blinks.]

Shampoo: <Stupid Mousse... even interferes with my dreams.>

[She is just getting back into the daydream when Ukyou pops up next to
her.]

Ukyou: Hey, Shampoo!

[Shampoo gives a start and almost falls over in her seat. She jumps to her
feet.]

Shampoo: What okonomiyaki-girl want? Shampoo very busy here!

Ukyou: [waving her hands in front of her] Whoa, girl, I'm sorry I startled
you. Look, Mousse said the Nekohanten has to cook the meals for
these gluttons. I just thought I'd offer to do that since you're in
front of the cameras. Can I use your kitchen?

Shampoo: [looks startled] Shampoo forget about cooking!

[Shampoo starts for the kitchen when Ukyou zooms in front of her.]

Ukyou: Hey, Shampoo, let me handle it, OK? You've got enough on your mind
right now. Please?

Shampoo: [sags a little, looking tired but wary] Why Ukyou do this for
Shampoo?

Ukyou: [managing a sympathetic look] We both know how tough it can get to
run a restaurant. I'm just offering to help out as a favor to
Mousse and you.

Shampoo: [doesn't seem to know what to say] Thank you, Ukyou.

Ukyou: Hey, what are friends for?

[Ukyou heads for the kitchen, stopping to pick up a giggling Megami from
the make-up people to help her in the kitchen. Shampoo watches her go.]

Shampoo: [sounding confused and surprised] Friends? We friends? [blinks]
Did Shampoo put wrong mushrooms in ramen today?

* * *

[Late at night. The filming has finally stopped and the cast and crew are
cleaning things. Steven and Francis are discussing the filming for the
next day.]

Steven: Well, only tomorrow left.

Francis: Yes, but I am still not certain about the final scene. I think we
need a more physical metaphor for the evolution of the hero's
character from his downtrodden, repressed, socially inferior
beginnings to his heroic end state.

[Steven seems too tired for Francis to even faze him.]

Steven: Bigger fight. Right. Well, I think we can add more to it...

[Ranma is stacking away the audio equipment with some help from Makiko and
Ukyou. Megami is curled up on a chair, asleep. Shampoo and Mousse are
nearby, serving coffee and other drinks to the crew. Lardizabal is reading
over his script for the next day, trying to make sense of the red scrawls
Francis has made on it.]

Lardizabal: What the heck does he mean, "express the underlying metaphor in
a socially acceptable manner while at the same time heightening
the character's roots in the lower classes?"

[A passing stagehand overhears his remark.]

Stagehand: He means you should poke fun at the guy.

Lardizabal: [shaking his head in disbelief] Sheesh.

[While Mousse is pouring tea for Makiko and Ukyou and making small talk,
Shampoo scoots over to Lardizabal.]

Shampoo: [offering him a bottle of sake] Want drink? Lardizabal do good
work.

Lardizabal: [looking warily at Shampoo] How much is it going to cost?

Shampoo: [looking innocent] Is on house! Try! Is great-grandmother
special recipe.

[Lardizabal looks dubious, but takes a sip. Almost immediately he screws
up his face and looks like he might explode.]

Shampoo: Good, yes?

Lardizabal: [panting] Aghhh! Powerful stuff.

Shampoo: If you not man enough to drink, Shampoo give to Ranma.

Lardizabal: [offended] Hey, gimme that! I can drink the whole thing. I'm
a master of Drunken Style Martial Arts! [takes a drink from the
bottle and starts wheezing]

Shampoo: [seeing him to the door] Shampoo think you get home before
finish. Shampoo not letting drunk crash here.

Lardizabal: [already a few sheets to the wind] Per'ectly unnerstandable...
[stumbles out the door]

Shampoo: [thinks to herself in Mandarin] <The sleeping potion I added
should be covered up by the alcohol. Tomorrow, when that drunk
doesn't show, I'll be able to get Ranma to be the hero and rescue
me! I'll convince him I'm a better choice than that tomboy and
then we can go back to China!>

[Makiko wanders up with Ukyou and Ranma. They all look quizzically at the
daydreaming Shampoo.]

Makiko: [curiously] Shampoo?

Shampoo: [startled] Yes?!

Makiko: Um... have you seen Tanaka-kun? We were going to go home...

Ukyou: Thanks again for letting me cook, Shampoo...

Ranma: Yeah, I'd have starved to death if you...

Ukyou: I swear, Ran-chan, there must be a Saotome gene related to eating.
You and your father...

Ranma: Hey, we ain't nothing alike!

[Makiko giggles and turns back to Shampoo.]

Shampoo: Shampoo not know where drunk-boy is. He go home, Shampoo think.
[to Ukyou] Kitchen better be clean as Shampoo leave it.

Ukyou: [dangerous glint in her eye as she turns from arguing with Ranma]
Spotless!

Shampoo: Shampoo go see for herself.

[Shampoo enters the kitchen. We hear a splash and a small scream, followed
by a cat's hissing. Megami wakes up and looks around blearily.]

Ukyou: [grinning] Guess Shampoo didn't see the bucket of water I used
while mopping. Oh, well.

* * *

[Sunday morning. We see a sleepy-eyed Shampoo walking around the
Nekohanten kitchen and yawning. She is wearing her standard Chinese
outfit. She places a kettle on the stove. MuuMuu-chan is sleeping in a
small cage on a counter. The cage door is unlatched.]

Shampoo: [yawning, then speaking in Mandarin] <Time to wake that
sleepyhead up, I guess.> [smiles slightly, then bangs a frying
pan against the duck's cage]

MuuMuu-chan: [leaping out of the cage with a start] QUACK!

Shampoo: [drops Mousse's clothes on the floor] <I let you sleep a whole
minute later than usual, Mousse, so no complaints, got it?>

[MuuMuu-chan nods his assent and crawls under his clothes. Shampoo then
pours hot water from the kettle on him. Mousse changes, filling his
clothes.]

Mousse: [also in Mandarin] <Good morning, my dear--> [gets whapped in the
head with the kettle] URK!

Shampoo: <Mousse, stop acting silly and clean the bar. The film club will
arrive soon! Do you want to sleep in the cage again?>

Mousse: [rubs his head] <I still don't see why -I- am at fault for
something Ukyou-->

Shampoo: [interrupting] <Why don't you ever learn--> [yawns] <--to leave me
alone?>

Mousse: [looks at her in concern] <Who would tend the bar if I did? Did
you sleep well last night, Shampoo?>

Shampoo: [smiles] <I dreamed of Ranma so I slept very well.>

Mousse: [uncharacteristically does not rise to the bait] <You look tired.
Why not go back to bed? I can let you know when the club is here.>

Shampoo: [looks at him scornfully] <Are you implying that I am weak?>

[Mousse just sighs and goes to work. Shampoo smiles after him, banishing
the expression when he turns around to look at her.]

Shampoo: [thinks to herself] <Today, I'll get to act beside Ranma! I'll
break that tomboy's spell on him with a kiss, and then we can go
to China.> [sighs happily]

[Shampoo picks up a trash can and takes it out back to the dumpster. The
door closes behind her with a click. It obviously rained the night before,
for the ground is wet and several puddles cover the ground. Shampoo hefts
the garbage bag up into the dumpster. She doesn't notice several pieces of
food falling out accidentally. When she turns to go back inside, she slips
on a slimy clump of old vegetables and falls in a puddle.]

Shampoo-cat: Meow!! [tries to scratch on the door to get Mousse's
attention.]

[Inside, Mousse lifts his head as he hears something.]

Mousse: What was that?

[Suddenly there is a knock at the front door. Mousse opens it to see a
smiling Francis and the rest of the film crew. Soon the entire crew is
making so much noise, no one can hear a cat scratching at the backdoor.]

Shampoo-cat: [thinks to herself] Wonderful... maybe I can get in around
the front...

[She turns to go, then notices a tomcat looking down at her and the spilled
food from the top of a nearby wall. The cat snarls at her and she
sweatdrops. Then another joins the first, followed soon by more. Soon,
Shampoo is being chased by about a dozen cats down the alley.]

* * *

[Later that morning, at the Nekohanten. Steven is pacing around in front
of the cameras while Francis is sitting in his chair, watching him. Most
of the rest of the film club is sitting around, waiting. Ukyou, Makiko,
and Ranma are playing a game of poker and Ranma is obviously losing.
Megami is watching curiously.]

Steven: Where are they?! [raises his voice] Kawamura-san, do you know
where Tanaka-san is?

Makiko: [looking up] Sorry, Steven-san... I stopped by his place, but
there was no answer at the door.

Steven: [looking over at Mousse, who is tending the bar] Mousse-san, do
you know where Shampoo is?

[Mousse just shakes his head, looking worried. We cut to Lardizabal lying
on the floor of his bedroom, snoring in a drunken stupor. Shampoo's sake
bottle is by his hand. Then we see Shampoo-cat involved in a cat fight
(with actual cats). Then we cut back to the Nekohanten.]

Steven: How can we film without our two stars?!

Francis: Nice question. If an action film has no stars, does it win a
contest. Whoa, we could film it with INVISIBLE stars... yes, then
it heightens the anonymity, and therefore the everyman quality of
the hero and the damsel. If the gang was also, like, invisible,
then they would strengthen the impact of our message concerning
how unseen forces obstruct and challenge our lives! Very karmic.

Steven: Francis... if we don't have any good guys and we don't have any bad
guys, we don't have any FILM!

Francis: Oh... well, how about, like, them? [points to Ranma and Ukyou]

[Steven looks over at the pair and a faint ray of hope shines on his face.]

Steven: Francis, that's brilliant! [raises his voice] Saotome! Kuonji!
Could you come here for a moment?

[Ranma and Ukyou look up, shrug, and head over to the directors.]

Ukyou: What's up, Steven?

Ranma: You need something?

Steven: Yes, we need you to stand in for our stars.

Ranma and Ukyou: What??!

Francis: Yes, it makes sense! The transformation of the hero and damsel as
a symbol of their ascension as good and true HUMAN BEINGS who
like, righteously kick ass.

Ukyou: Um, I don't know...

Ranma: I didn't sign up to act in this thing...

Steven and Francis: [together] We'll pay you double.

Ukyou: Deal!

Ranma: [shocked] Hey, waitasec...

[Ukyou grabs him by the collar and whispers to him.]

Ukyou: [whispering] Don't you and Akane-chan need the money, Ran-chan?

Ranma: Oh, right... [sighs] OK, I'll do it.

[A scruffy-looking Shampoo-cat manages to drag herself inside the front
door of the Nekohanten. She appears to have beaten off the other cats, but
is a bit worn out by it all. Ranma immediately tenses up and ducks behind
Ukyou, who looks torn between disgust and sympathy.]

Ranma: [teeth chattering] C-c-c-cat!!

[Megami oohs and picks up the cat, hugging it to her chest.]

Makiko: [spotting Shampoo-cat] Ooh, what a cute cat. [yells at Mousse]
Hey, Mousse, what's your cat's name?

[Shampoo struggles to break free, but Megami is hugging her too tightly.
Her paws can't do much more than flail around.]

Mousse: Eh? [looks over] Oh! That's Shampoo...

[Ranma, Ukyou, and Shampoo-cat get big sweatdrops. Mousse urks as he
realizes what he said.]

Makiko: [startled] She is? [looks amazed] Wow, I never would have
guessed...

Ukyou: [nervously] Guess what?

Makiko: Why, that Mousse was so hung up on Shampoo to name his cat after
her!

[Everyone facefaults. Ukyou sighs in relief, then drags Ranma (who is
still frozen at the sight of Shampoo-cat) off to makeup and wardrobe.
Francis and Steven start arguing about the scenes for the day, and everyone
else goes back to work. Mousse walks over to Shampoo-cat, Megami, and
Makiko.]

Mousse: [laughing nervously] Yeah, well... you can give her over to me,
little girl.... I'll take care of her...

Megami: [pouting] No! And I'm not little! I'm Megami!

[She hugs Shampoo-cat all the tighter, causing Shampoo's eyes to bulge.]

Makiko: [beaming] Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on her, Mousse-san. She's
never had a pet of her own... you don't mind if she holds her, do
you?

Shampoo-cat: [thinking while struggling in Megami's arms] How do I get
myself out of this situation?? I have to get on stage so
Ranma can rescue me!

Mousse: Ah, well... you see...

[At that moment, Choji enters the Nekohanten.]

Choji: Hi, everyone!

Everyone: CHOJI!

Choji: Wow! What's going on?

Makiko: We're making a film, Ketibeppu-san!

Choji: Cool... I'm pretty good at filming... need any help? [looks over at
Mousse] Free drinks for crew members, right?

Mousse: [sighing] Yes...

Stagehand: We could use someone on the lighting board. Funawara-san's sick
today.

Choji: Cool... [gets lead over to the lighting board]

Megami: [still hugging Shampoo, who doesn't seem to want to use her claws
on the child... yet.] I think I'll name you Megumi! [Shampoo
sweatdrops.]

[Meanwhile, Ranma and Ukyou have been dressed in their costumes for the
final fight scenes. Ranma is wearing a leather jacket and a mask, while
Ukyou is wearing a close copy of the dress Shampoo wore the other day]

Ranma: Man, I feel silly...

Ukyou: I think you look cool! Ran-chan? What do you think of how I look?

[Ukyou poses in the cute dress and blinks her eyes at Ranma in an
exaggerated manner.]

Ranma: You? You look fine, Ucchan.

[Ukyou frowns, then just sighs. Steven comes over to them and looks them
up and down.]

Steven: Well, fortunately you don't look too different. Kuonji, we'll see
if we can get a wig for you to wear so you look more like Shampoo.
Saotome, with the mask, no one should be able to tell you apart
from Tanaka.

Ranma: Hey! I don't look nothing like that jerk!

Steven: [waving aside the outburst] Look, we don't have a lot of time.
Fortunately, you don't have a lot of speaking parts. All we really
need to film is the big battle with the gang and the hero rescuing
the damsel, OK?

Ukyou: Sounds easy enough.

[Ranma is still fuming over being compared to Lardizabal.]

Steven: Now, Saotome, you can handle a fight scene, can't you?

Ranma: Huh? [starts paying attention] Fight? No problem. [grins smugly]
Nobody can beat me, especially not Lardy.

[Steven sweatdrops and begins trying to explain the concept of a
choreographed fight.]

Steven: Look, this isn't a REAL fight. Just make it look good for the
cameras, OK? The guys in the gang are all PE majors and should be
able to take some rough stuff, but don't go overboard.

Ranma: Sure, sure...

[Nearby, the "gang" members are discussing their upcoming scene.]

Gang Leader: Looks like they're substituting another martial artist on us.

[The rest of the gang groans and generally looks disgusted.]

Gang Leader: I know, I know... bad enough taking the fall for an actor
without getting shown up by one of these martial "I have more
fighting know-how in my little finger than you have in your
whole body" artists... well, I think we should get a little
payback...

[They all start whispering among themselves.]

* * *

[Ranma and the "gang" are now in front of the cameras. Off to one side, we
see Megami at the makeup table grooming a struggling Shampoo-cat. Megami
isn't QUITE using the Azusa-grip-of-death, but she's coming close. Mousse
keeps looking over at them wondering if he can do anything without giving
away Shampoo's secret. He winces as Megumi pulls away a clump of Shampoo's
fur with a particularly hard tug on the comb.]

Mousse: [finally walking over to Megami] Why don't you give her to me,
Megumi-chan? I think she... er, may need to go use the litter box
or something.

[Shampoo-cat delivers an utterly scathing look at Mousse.]

Megami: No! [looks suspiciously at him and clutches Shampoo-cat tightly.]

[Mousse gestures suddenly and a piece of candy appears in his hand.]

Mousse: How about for a piece of candy then?

Megami: [grabbing the candy and shoving Shampoo-cat at Mousse] OK! [starts
eating the candy]

[Mousse and Shampoo-cat heave a sigh of relief]

Mousse: [to Shampoo-cat] OK, Shampoo, I'll put you in the kitchen, and you
can turn back to normal.

[Shampoo-cat nods affirmatively. Mousse goes over to a door, opens it, and
gently puts Shampoo-cat inside, paying no attention to her yowls. The door
swings shut behind him as he walks away. A sign on the door reads "MEN."]

Shampoo-cat: [thought] MOUSSE, YOU IDIOT!!

* * *

[On the set, Ranma is facing the gang.]

Gang Leader: OK, masked man... [flourishes a chain] Come and get us!

[The gang begins to surge forward, all of them holding clubs, sawed-off
pool cues, chains, and knives. Ranma, on the other hand, just stands there
confidently without any apparent weapons.]

Ranma: [thought] OK, got to remember to take it easy, this ain't for
real...

[Ranma ducks the chain the gang leader swings at his head and sweep-kicks
him, knocking the leader to the floor. Two other gang members rush Ranma,
who merely leaps over the head of one of them. They slam together at full
speed, too startled to stop. On the sidelines, Francis and Steven seem
ecstatic.]

Steven: This is great! He could be a professional stuntman!

Francis: [nodding] It looks like they're, like, really fighting! [to the
cameraman] Tell me you're, like, getting this!

Cameraman: I'm getting it, I'm getting it!

[The three remaining gang members surround Ranma, circling warily. None of
them seem eager to make the first move. Ranma seems to be enjoying
himself, making little feints toward one opponent or the other, just to
startle them. As a result, he lets his guard down a bit and one of them
hits him on the head with his club. Watching this on the sidelines, Ukyou
just shakes her head.]

Ukyou: [quietly] Ran-chan, you idiot.

[Makiko, standing nearby, hears this and giggles. Back on stage, Ranma
seems to be getting mad.]

Ranma: [thought] Ow! That didn't FEEL like they're pulling their punches!
OK, enough of this! [faces the gang member who hit him.] TENSHIN
AMAGURIKEN!

[The "Roasted Chestnuts on an Open Fire" Technique catches the man
off-guard and he goes down hard, receiving more than 100 hits in the space
of a few seconds.]

Gang Member 2: What th--??

Ranma: [facing him, literally glowing with energy] MOUKO TAKABISHA!

[A small ki-bolt from the "Fierce Tiger Domineering" attack smashes into
Gang Member 2's stomach, knocking the wind, and the fight, out of him.
Ranma faces the last gang member, the one with the knife, almost
contemptuously.]

Ranma: Go ahead, take your best shot.

[The last gang member drops his knife and runs.]

Steven: CUT! That's a keeper!

[Everyone cheers. Ranma takes off the mask and seems ridiculously smug.
Everyone immediately gets to work on the set, setting it up for the last
scene.]

Ukyou: [coming up to Ranma] That was great, Ran-chan! [looks at the
downed gang members] Hope you didn't hurt those last two...

Ranma: [smugly] Nah, I remembered to pull my punches. Now only one scene
left, right?

Makiko: Yup! That's the one where you get to kiss!

Ranma: [shocked] What?

Ukyou: You DID read the script, ne, Ran-chan?

Ranma: [laughing nervously] Of course! Um, I'll be just a second...

[Ranma goes off, leaving a confused-looking pair behind him.]

Ukyou: [thought] I hope this isn't a mistake. For Ran-chan to kiss me
now... I hope I can take it. I don't want to make a fool of myself.

* * *

[Inside the men's bathroom, Shampoo-cat has finally managed to get the sink
hot water faucet going. She is waiting for it to fill with hot water so
she can change back.]

Shampoo-cat: [thought, in Mandarin] <I am definitely putting in cat doors
everywhere. Why didn't I think of that sooner? Last time I
trust Mousse to get it right... Hmpf!>

[Finally, the sink is full enough so she can douse herself without getting
caught under the tap. She dives in, just as the door to the bathroom
opens.]

Choji: [entering, talking to himself] Yup, this sure is a strange movie...

[He stops. Before him, perched on the sink is Shampoo, in her natural
splendor. For a second, they both just look dumbly at each other.]

Choji: [reverent voice] Sweet... [whips his camera out of his jacket and
starts clicking pictures.]

Shampoo: [angrily] PERVERT! [pulls back her fist]

[Outside the bathroom, several members of the crew look at the door to the
Men's room curiously as they hear several loud thumps and bangs, as well as
the sound of glass breaking. They all quickly look the other way, though,
as Shampoo darts out wearing Choji's shirt and runs upstairs to her room.]

* * *

[We see Ranma talking to Mousse in the Nekohanten kitchen. Ranma seems
awfully furtive, constantly looking over his shoulder.]

Mousse: What did you want to see me about, Saotome?

Ranma: [pulling off his costume] Look, man, you haveta take my place.

Mousse: Huh?

Ranma: If I kiss Ukyou, Akane will... let's just say I don't want any MORE
trouble at home, OK? Just take my place for this scene?

Mousse: [angrily] Are you asking me to be unfaithful to Shampoo?

Ranma: [backing away] No, no, no! It's all acting, remember? [to
himself] But could I convince that tomboy about that? Nooooo.
She'd just assume the worst of me. Shampoo isn't likely to even
care if Mousse kisses Ukyou.

[Ranma imagines Akane's reaction to him kissing Ukyou. We see an image of
a totally trashed apartment and Kazuyo handing Akane a piece of paper
marked "EVICTION." He winces.]

Mousse: [thinking, to himself] It is just for the movie... and the sooner
this film is over, the sooner Shampoo and I are left to ourselves
once again.

[Mousse grins somewhat foolishly, then adopts a serious demeanor and speaks
to Ranma.]

Mousse: Very well, Saotome. But remember, you owe me one.

Ranma: [brightening] You'll do it? Gee, thanks!

[Ranma and Mousse quickly get changed. Soon, Mousse is dressed as the
masked hero, while Ranma, who forgot to bring in his own clothes, is
wearing Mousse's outfit. Mousse has somehow tucked his hair up under the
mask, no doubt calling upon some hidden weapon technique.]

Ranma: OK, go knock'em dead, Mousse!

[They shake hands. Mousse then goes into the main part of the Nekohanten.
Ranma ducks outside, so as not to get caught.]

* * *

[The set. Ukyou is sitting in the center of the set, tied to a chair and
wearing a fake-looking purple wig. Makiko is keeping Megami occupied with
the costuming supplies. Francis and Steven are waiting impatiently for the
hero to arrive.]

Steven: Oh, please... just one scene to go... where is he?

Francis: [unconcerned] Like, dude, what will be, will be. Que sera, sera.
Karmic destiny won't be stopped by a few minutes delay. [thinks]
You know, we could always add another scene or two, maybe a new
character, a sidekick for the hero, indicative of the force of
youth in today's techno-urban societal hell, struggling alongside
his mentor figure against--

[Steven just screams wordlessly at Francis and yanks at his hair.]

Francis: [looking over at the cameraman] Did you get that? It would be an
excellent, like, out-take. No? [turns to Steven] Could you,
like, do it again? It'd be great on film and--

[Fortunately, any further outburst from Steven is forestalled as the masked
hero finally arrives on the set. Steven calms himself with some effort and
then waves for everyone to be quiet.]

Megami: [bouncing in front of the camera with the clapboard marked "SCENE
17 (FINAL), TAKE 1"] Action! [giggles and runs off]

[Everyone looks stunned. Makiko chases after Megami off stage, trying to
get the clapboard back. Steven looks at Francis, who shrugs and gestures
for the cameraman to roll film. The hero (Mousse) runs over to Ukyou, who
is slumped in the chair as if unconscious, and begins untying her. Ukyou
slowly comes to and starts at seeing the hero's masked face.]

Ukyou: [sounding frightened] Who--who are you?

Mousse: [voice muffled] A friend. I'm here to rescue you.

[Mousse finishes untying Ukyou, who gets to her feet.]

Ukyou: I... I know you... Fei Hong?

Mousse: [nodding] I told you I would protect you.

[Ukyou rushes into his arms. Mousse holds her as she reaches up and peels
the mask away from his mouth, wraps her arms around his neck, then slowly
kisses him.]

Ukyou: [thought] Wow... this is great... [discovers the pigtail is missing
and starts to pull away] Waitasec, this isn't Ran-chan... [relaxes]
Oh, well... the show must go on... and this is sort of nice....

Mousse: [thought] Forgive me, Shampoo. It should be your lips I save my
kiss for... though Ukyou is lovely. I...

[Suddenly, there is a loud crash. Everyone looks up, except for the
kissing couple. They both seem a little out of it. Shampoo has just come
down the stairs in her dress and is seething with anger. A table lies
broken in two at her feet, split down the middle where she pounded it.]

Shampoo: No! That Shampoo kiss!

[Shampoo charges the two and shoves Ukyou aside. Before anyone can react,
Shampoo kisses Mousse full on the lips! Ukyou lands in a heap next to the
wall, and slowly begins to pick herself up, looking stunned.]

Shampoo: [thought] <At last, I get to kiss Ranma again! Hmm, he wasn't
this enthusiastic before... and he's trembling now. Maybe I am
finally getting through to him about how much I care. Oh, he
certainly has improved his kissing. Maybe I should thank that
violent girl... after I take Ranma to China!>

[Mousse seems almost deliriously giddy.]

Mousse: [thinking] <Shampoo wanted to kiss me! Oh, happy day! Finally,
my long work... urk... excitement... too much... can't stay awake--

[Mousse's eyes roll up in his head and he slumps to the ground. Shampoo is
instantly at his side.]

Shampoo: [concerned] Ranma? You all right? [takes off mask and freezes]
AIYA! Is Mousse!!!

[Shampoo immediately runs for the kitchen, where we hear water running and
gargling noises. Ukyou has come back to her senses and is looking dazedly
at Mousse.]

Francis: And Cut! That's a wrap!

Steven: [in a strangled tone] A wrap? That's our final scene? It's
ruined!

Francis: No, no! Look at the emotion, the texture, the way they all, like,
MOVE on the set! It's beautiful!

Steven: It makes no sense!

Francis: [considering] I suppose we could shoot a few more scenes to
explain it...

[Steven lunges for Francis and several stage hands grapple him to keep him
from his co-director's throat.]

* * *

[A few days later, outside the Nekohanten, we see Ukyou and Makiko walking
along. Megami is between them, holding both their hands.]

Ukyou: Wow, Tanaka-san was that mad?

Makiko: [blushing] Yes. He said some pretty strong stuff about Ran-chan.
I think he--

[She is interrupted as Ranma runs toward them, being chased by Lardizabal.]

Ranma: [looking over his shoulder at Lardizabal] What s the matter, Lardy?
Too drunk to catch me? [makes a face]

[Makiko scowls at this and sticks her foot out, timing it just perfectly to
catch Ranma s ankle. He falls forward, managing at the last moment to turn
it into a controlled tumble... until he smashes into a street sign.]

Megami: Uncle Ran-chan!

[Megami pouts and sticks her tongue out at Makiko, who just grins and
watches the two men fight.]

Lardizabal: [looming over Ranma] Now, I ve got you!

Ranma: [leaping out of the way just before Lardizabal strikes] Geez, it
wasn't even MY idea! I didn't WANT the role! [runs off down the
street, easily avoiding Lardizabal s moves]

Lardizabal: Liar! Stand still!

Ukyou: [watching them in amazement] I guess he feels pretty strongly about
this...

Makiko: [mischievously] What about you? How do you feel?

Ukyou: Huh? How do I feel about what?

Makiko: Mousse kissing you, of course! [smirks] You seemed to enjoy it a
whole lot from what I could see...

Ukyou: [blushing] I did not! [thought to herself] I d sound stupid if I
told her that it felt.... [shakes her head and says aloud] I m going
to go talk about it with him right now, in fact.

[Ukyou turns toward the Nekohanten door.]

Makiko: [turning to follow Ranma and Lardizabal] Have fun! And don t be
too shy about asking him out! [Megami suddenly kicks Makiko in the
shin] Ow! Megami-chan--?

Megami: You hurt Uncle Ran-chan! [tears herself loose and runs after Ranma
and Lardizabal]

Makiko: [running after her] Megami-chan! Wait! Auntie Maki is sorry!

Ukyou: Maki-chan!

[It s too late. Makiko is already down the street, chasing Megami. With a
sigh, Ukyou enters the Nekohanten. Everything seems to have returned to
normal. Mousse is working at the bar, sporting a few bandages on his head.
He moves as if he's a little sore. Ukyou enters the bar and looks around.
When she and Mousse see each other, they both look a little uncomfortable.
Ukyou heads for the bar anyway.]

Ukyou: Evening, Mousse.

Mousse: [trying to sound normal] Welcome, Ukyou. How are you?

Ukyou: [nodding] I'm fine.

[An uncomfortable silence follows. Mousse gets called away to fill an
order and we see Ukyou actually fidgeting.]

Mousse: [returning] Can I get you something, Ukyou?

Ukyou: Um, just a Coke, thanks. [waits for Mousse to serve her drink, then
tries to speak firmly] Mousse, about the film...

Mousse: I know. I've been meaning to apologize about all that.

Ukyou: No, no... it was really nice of you to help Ran-chan like that. I
heard that it even won second place in the contest. Of course,
Lardizabal wasn't happy when Maki-chan told him Ranma took his role.
He and Ran-chan were fighting last I saw. [looks at Mousse's
bandages] Has Shampoo forgiven you yet?

Mousse: [rubbing his bandages slightly] Well, she beat me up a bit
afterwards, but I think she's mostly over it. As for Saotome... I
hold no antagonism toward him now that he is married. If only
Shampoo would give up on him....

Ukyou: [looking serious] Well, I guess I just wanted to do this...

[Ukyou suddenly slaps Mousse on his un-bandaged cheek. He stares dumbly at
her.]

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