[FanFic][R.5/TM!/possibily others] Laid
Luke Thrythlind Green
Kiyone glanced over at her and arched an eyebrow. "This place" was
the apartment she shared with Mihoshi.
"You and I have to have a talk," Kiyone said, collecting a tray of
snacks and heading out to join her friend in the living room.
"About what?" Ayeka demanded. "Make yourself plain?"
"You and Ryoko have come to an arrangement, soon," Kiyone said.
"What sort of arrangement should I come to with that..." Ayeka
paused, flicking her dress with unnecessary force and straightening
her back. "...monster woman."
"Just mention her name and you get excited," Kiyone said, shaking her
head.
"Excuse me!?!!" Ayeka gasped, standing straight up. "Are you
suggesting that I...and that....thing...have...a RELATIONSHIP?!!!"
"For goodness sake, I just said 'excited!'" Kiyone said irritably.
"Sit down and hear me out."
"You had better begin to make sense, Officer Makibi," Ayeka said
harshly.
"Let me give you a rundown of a rather common sequence of events,"
Kiyone said. "Ryoko teases you, you overreact and insult her, she
insults you, there's a fight, lots of fireworks. I...I...I..." each
repeat of the word was more emphatic. "Have to..." Kiyone held up her
hand and started ticking off fingers.
"Clean up the mess, deal with the locals, deal with the MIB," she
paused and started a small side rant. "Are you aware that aliens and
supernatural beings have been in Japan long enough that more than
NINETY percent of the population is IMMUNE to neuralization? This is
a statistic that I am given roughly THREE TIMES A WEEK!!! It's
almost as bad as San Francisco!! Or even ATLANTA!!! Which brings up
the trigger happy cat-girl and her sisters that came by yesteday.
Anyway...THEN I have to deal with my superiors, and FINALLY deal with
your parents! This has been happening nearly twice a week in the two
or three years since we came here. To top it all off, your fights
attract more galatic criminals than I anything else I can imagine, and
that's when TENCHI gets involved."
Kiyone's voice started to raise to levels she usually reserved for
Mihoshi, and Ayeka blinked as she leaned back, slightly nervous.
"I swear, being stationed near the three of you would make being
partnered with Mihoshi look like the assignment from heaven if it
weren't for the fact that SHE'S here too!!!"
"And what about Washu?" Ayeka asked faintly.
"She works in a sub-dimension," Kiyone says. "Barring Mihoshi
incidents she has less impact on the world at large than a salami
sandwich." Actually that made her nervous, she was certain Washu
would eventually get bored and try something big.
"And why," Ayeka asked. "Isn't Ryoko here?"
"Because the problem isn't with her," Kiyone said. "The problem is
with you."
"And how is that?" Ayeka asked. "Should I just abandon my claim on
Lord Tenchi and give her an open passage?"
"Tenchi," Kiyone said. "Will have two wives once he takes the
throne, assuming he takes the throne. So there is no need to abandon
your claim on him. Tenchi can't decide between you because he loves
you both. Ryoko wouldn't mind sharing, would actually appreciate it,
but isn't about to give up."
"How would Ryoko appreciate, 'sharing' as you put it?" Ayeka asked.
"You have her wrapped around your finger as surely as Tenchi does,"
Kiyone said. "And are just as aware of it."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Ayeka said, putting her
nose in the air.
"Exactly," Kiyone said. "I can't count the number of times I could
swear you made a pass at her. Then you shoot her down when she
responds. And it's worse when you're both drunk. She gets emotional
and you get mean. Do you even remember how many times you've brought
her to tears during those drinking binges in the baths?"
"Binge?" Ayeka protested, not answering the question. "I don't
binge."
"Right," Kiyone said. "Now the way I see it, you either truly have
desire toward her at all," Kiyone thought that doubtful. "Or else you
are so uncomfortable with the thought that you'd rather sabotage any
conversation you have Ryoko than risk proving it to yourself."
"I am not attracted to Ryoko," Ayeka snapped. "Or any woman! It is
untoward in a Jurain princess." At that Kiyone fixed her with a look.
"Your mother and Lady Funaho," Kiyone said simply.
"How dare you suggest such a thing," Kiyone gasped.
"Since they admitted it, and told me you walked in on them once,"
Kiyone said.
"It is a dreadful lie," Ayeka said. "I'll hear no more of it."
"Fine, fine," Kiyone said. "Whatever. In any case, straight, bi,
lesbian, whatever. You don't have to have sex with Ryoko for her to
be the other wife." Ayeka blinked as if she had never considered that
before. "But telling her you have no interest would at least be fair.
Not to mention stop leading her on."
"I am not leading her on," Ayeka protested again.
"Whatever," Kiyone said waving that off. "Incidentally, I'd say
she'd be a better First Empress than Second."
"And why is that?" Ayeka decided.
"Take a moment to consider Ryoko's idea of covert," Kiyone said. The
image of a sevveral large explosions came to mind. "Do you really
think she'd make a good Head of Security? Head of the Military should
suit her fine."
"True," Ayeka admitted. "She is much better at brute force, isn't
she." Kiyone leaned forward.
"That is at least concession in the right direction," Kiyone said.
"Now, on to my plan for the night."
"Your plan?" Ayeka repeated.
"Right," Kiyone said. "Mihoshi is out on patrols, I'm off duty, and
Minagi is coming down to visit..."
"Yes, two days from now," Ayeka said. Kiyone smirked and raised a
finger.
"That, is what she told everybody else," Kiyone said. Ayeka's mouth
dropped open.
"You said you weren't interested in women!" Ayeka accused.
"Did I?" Kiyone asked. "I don't remember that."
"You," Ayeka growled. "But Minagi...?" She looked confused.
"Looks like Ryoko, and isn't in love with you and Tenchi," Kiyone
said. "And as easy as it is to play with Ryoko's heart strings...I
don't feel like becoming the fourth of a quartet."
"You're with Minagi because she looks like Ryoko?" Ayeka said,
narrowing her eyes.
"Well, at first yeah," Kiyone admitted. "But she's got a lot of
other great....and that's really not your business so, now, on to my
plan..."
"I'm not interested," Ayeka said, putting her nose in the air, and
failing to push the vulnerability Kiyone had displayed."
"Then why aren't you leaving?" Kiyone asked. Ayeka flashed her eyes
in Kiyone's direction. "So, anyway, I'm taking Minagi dancing
tonight, in about thirty minutes. We're going to a club, and you're
coming with us. At the very least, you can learn how to turn down
offers without insulting smeone's age, species, intelligence,
personality, parentage, strengths, weaknesses, social status, children
(not a favorite one of mine either of late) or hair-color." As Kiyone
ticked off points Ayeka winced. "Did I catch them all?"
"Finances?" Ayeka said weakly.
"Oh yes," Kiyone said. "Financial status, another no-no when
politely turning someone down so that they don't feel quite hurt and
confused and decide to retaliate starting a fight that destroys Tokyo
Tower."
"That was only our fault three times," Ayeka protested. She took a
moment to catch her breath. "So you hope to teach me to treat
that...." Kiyone gave her a look. "Treat Ryoko a little more
politely."
"At least," Kiyone said. ~If I'm really lucky you'll get laid, but
how lucky am I ever.~ Speaking of which, there was a flaw in her
master plan here, she knew it, but she couldn't quite lay hold of it.
Then the doorbell rang, and Kiyone walked over to the door and opened
it to let Minagi in.
The youngest Hakubi greeted Kiyone with a passionate kiss driving her
back into the apartment and shutting the door behind them. Until she
caught sight of Ayeka's disapproving face.
"Oh don't stop now," Kiyone muttered as Minagi broke off.
"Uh, Kiyo-chan," Minagi asked faintly.
"Hmmm?" Kiyone asked dreaminly, kissing at Minagi's neck.
"What's Aunty Ayeka doing here?" Minagi asked.
"She's going dancing with us," Kiyone answered. "Sort of a lesson in
tolerance for her."
"Won't she tell Ryoko?" Minagi whispered, hopefully low enough that
Ayeka couldn't hear. Kiyone froze. Yep, there was that flaw in the
plan. Kiyone glanced over to Ayeka, where the princess was sitting
with her eyes averted.
~Jsut have to make sure she stays too busy,~ Kiyone thought, breaking
fully away from Minagi who took a sort of attention stance. "Okay, we
have to get ready now. Ayeka, you need to change clothes. Something
more normal to Earth, I have some stuff that should fit you in my
room."
"Obviously it has been your plan all along to see me in revealing
clothing," Ayeka accused the both of them. So saying she strolled
defiantly into Kiyone's room to change clothes.
As soon as Ayeka was gone Minagi hit Kiyone upside the head. Kiyone
flashed a what shrug in her direction, and Minagi gestured irritably
toward the room Ayeka had just walked into. This was followed by the
patented, "seemed like a good idea at the time" shrug and the "great,
now what" eye rolling.
*****
At the Club Luna, a green haired woman approached the bar and asked
for the phone. The bartender politely pointed to the end of the bar
and the young woman strode for it purposefully. She was a rather
small, elf-like woman with an odd, almost masculine stride. As if
that stride were her true habit and it the feminine glide she'd been
using was an act that was falling apart as she grew more irritated.
She was dressed in a green mini-skirt and a tight green-leather
blouse with no sleeves and thin shoulderstraps. It reminded the
wearer of a less expansive version of that Xina chick's armor on TV.
She was actually fairly glad there were no guys around to look at her,
because the outfit left little to imagine about her assetts.
She was wearing a pair of high heels, a form of footware she had long
ago decided was the bane of her existance. And above them a pair of
lower-leg wrappings, in green, with cute little cloth balls hanging
from small white ropes on the side.
The woman grabbed the phone and dialed a number.
*****
Across town, in a rather large home for the area, a phone rang.
"Tendo residence," a woman said, picking up the phone. "Nabiki
speaking."
*****
"There's nothing but women here, Nabiki," the green-haired woman
said, almost growlling.
*****
"What was that?" Nabiki asked with a smirk. "I couldn't hear you."
*****
"I SAID," the woman on the phone shouted. "There's NOTHING but WOMEN
here!!" She glanced around at the eyes staring at her. "Sorry..."
*****
"Ranma," Nabiki said with a mock question. "Is that you?"
*****
"Of course it's me," Ranma muttered. "Who'd you think it was,
Amaterasu's grand child?"
*****
"For all we know you could be," Nabiki said. "Oh don't start Ranma,
in the past two years, we've heard of ancestors of yours that were
dragons, vampires, succubi, demons, angels, gods, aliens,
werecreatures and I think even the snow-woman once. You are quite
possibly the most crossed being on the planet. We've gotten to the
point that we don't know what you are, so please don't make statements
like that again, we really don't want to invite trouble."
*****
"Right, right," Ranma said. "But what's goin' on here, Nabiki. You
didn't think I had enough women trouble so you sent me to a place with
no guys?" A couple of her carefully not listening listeners perked up
on hearing this.
*****
"Would you rather I sent you to place with ALL guys the way YOU'RE
dressed?" Nabiki asked.
"If you sent him to a place with all guys," Kasumi said as she passed
by. "He'd probably have no problem at all the way he's dressed."
Nabiki covered the phone and shushed her sister with an amused, if
rather strained, look on her face.
"You are under orders to spend the night relaxing, Saotome," Nabiki
said. "So relax. Talk to some of the women, go dancing, eat some ice
cream, drink some beer. Blow off some steam before you blow
up...again."
*****
"Ahh, he had it coming!" Ranma said.
*****
"Ranma," Nabiki said. "It was a rat, not a wererat, not a rat demon,
not even a jusenkyo cursed martial artist, just a rat. And you hit it
with a chi blast large enough to dig a new tunnel in that hill."
*****
Ranma grumbled silently as she pondered that.
"You might have a point," Ranma muttered. "You're sure, Akane's not
going to hear about this? Before I thought you meant, nobody is going
to find out where you are. Not nobody is going to find out you spent
three days at a club-hotel full of women!!!! Are you CRAZY sending me
here?"
*****
"Nobody is going to hear about this," Nabiki assured him. "I set it
up after all, and if this gets out my head's on the platter right next
to yours. Though I could probably talk my way out of any
repercussions, the point is I'd rather not need to, so...no one will
find out."
*****
"Your concern for my safety is overwhelming," Ranma muttered.
*****
"Have you been reading the dictionary Ranma?" Nabiki asked. "I
wasn't aware you knew words like 'overwhelming.'"
*****
"Ha, ha," Ranma muttered. "So just why is there nothing but women
here?"
*****
"It's a specialized club. I'm sure someone there can explain it to
you," Nabiki said. Then she continued in a sing-song voice. "I'm
hanging up now Ranma."
*****
"Wait, Nabiki!" Ranma shouted. "Don't...don't hang up...you're
absolutely sure...That Akane won't hear about this."
*****
"Ranma, just forget about Akane for three days," Nabiki said soberly.
"Just...forget about her...alright?"
*****
"But if she..." Ranma started.
*****
"Forget about her for now," Nabiki said. "That's an order." She
quickly hung up the phone before Ranma could answer.
*****
"You couldn't think of anything better than sending him uninformed
into a lesbian dance club?" Kasumi asked wearily.
"It's also a hotel," Nabiki said smiling.
"Nabiki," Kasumi tsked at her older sister.
"Kasumi," Nabiki said, seriously. "I could have sent him to the most
obscure and tiny tropical island, and at least one of the lot would
have followed him. I don't think any of them would look for him
there."
"The potential consequences," Kasumi said.
"He promised he wouldn't try anything until he saw me again," Nabiki
said. "As for the other, he could laid. He could run away. He could
even fall in love and never come back here. Hell, with Ranma there's
always the chance he could come back bearing the child of an alien
princess. But I could care less about that, I want him to forget
about Akane. At least until she acts her age."
"She wasn't herself when that happened, Nabiki," Kasumi said.
"It's not the stuff she did while possessed that I'm angry about,"
Nabiki said. "It's the fact that she refuses to admit that any of it
was a 'big deal.' She acts like she doesn't care about what did or
could've happened."
"It's an act," Kasumi started. "She's scared."
"There's more people involved than just her," Nabiki snapped. "So
she can take her act and stuff it. After Ranma finally gets rid of
Happosai's fetish demon, her first act of free will is to hit Ranma up
side the head and berate the lot of us for not telling her about her
little pet pig being Ryouga. And not one word on the matter since.
Akane is NOT high on my list of people right now."
Nabiki stalked off, leaving Kasumi behind shaking her head. She
supposed it was lucky that nothing truly permanent had happened all
the physical changes had been reversed when the demon had been
banished, and Akane hadn't gotten around to doing more than changing
people yet. No worse hentai behavior, but it had been close.
((Notes: Got bored...so, yes, did something stupid and
started another idea...mostly comedic but starting on
a slightly dark note...as for Kiyone...she may be a
highly intelligent tactician, strategist and
investigator, but if something has been bothering for
a long time in her personal life she has tendency to get hasty,
slipshod,
and downright stupid in her attempts to fix it...hence
that "Get Ayeka laid." plan...and the relationship...I
just think it's fun to put Kiyone in such awkward
situations...oh yeah...even if I go with the implied
prediction in Nabiki's rant, most likely this will not
be a Ranma/Ayeka match up beyond a one or two night
stand...I really don't know where I'll end up with
this one...if I follow it at all...as for my
imaginings of Akane as possessed by a fetish
demon...check out www.bastianmage.com and go to
Sebestians adult galleries...lots of furry, rubber,
bondage and other strange fetishes....what can I
say....I was running on fumes when I wrote this
idea....))