[ranma][fanfic] A Day One Pig Would Cry
Robert Morrison
R. Morrison (squ...@prodigy.com)
Uhhh...why am I here again? Oh yeah, to write a fanfic for you people to
read. Well, jee, I dunno, I guess I can do it...okay, here goes nothin'.
Hmm...oh yeah, Takahashi-san created and owns these characters.
If you feel the need to praise me for this, do so. If you feel the need
to flame me, I will feel the need to pour liquid nitrogen on you and tell
Akane you called her uncute. ^_^
Ranma 1/2:
A Day One Pig Would Cry
Tendou Soun sat on the veranda, gazing out at his koi pond and smoking
a cigarette.
Somewhere above him, the sounds of chaos rang out, a cacophony of
female shouts, blows being landed on body and on wood, and pig squeals.
Soun frowned. He didn't like dealing with the mayhem that occurred in
this house on a day-to-day basis, and tended to sit back and observe,
occassionally sobbing over the injustice of it all, as his daughter, her
fiance, and their friends tore holy hell out of his ancestral home.
It didn't mean he approved of all the crap that went along with it.
Now the chase that had been going on in the second floor hallway made
its way through and out of the family room, past Soun, and toward the
pond. An already-female Ranma sank to the bottom of the pond as Akane
struck a blow to her head with a giant mallet. Then Akane stormed off
into the house, firmly clutching a small black piglet to her bosom.
Soun did his best to keep from scowling.
Meanwhile, Ranma extracted herself from the pond, and set off for the
house, muttering about uncute tomboys and pigheaded idiots. As she
started past him, Soun cleared his throat.
"Son."
Ranma turned. "Yeah Mr. Tendou?"
Soun stood, and said, "Follow me, I'd like to talk to you for a minute.
"
Ranma frowned. "Sure, what's up?"
Soun motioned for Ranma to follow, and leaped up onto the roof,
surprising Ranma slightly. After all, she never saw Soun doing much
practice anymore, except whenever Akane was kidnapped or Happousai was on
the loose. She leaped after him.
As they settled down onto the roof, Soun took a long drag from his
cigarette and said, "Ranma, we need to talk about Ryouga."
Ranma was confused. "Ryouga? What about him?"
Soun closed his eyes. "Ranma, I may not be as young as I once was, and
I may not be as clever or as strong as you and Akane and your friends
anymore, but I'd have to be blind to not know about Ryouga's little
secret, or the fact that he passes himself off as my little girl's pet
pig." Opening his eyes and turning to face Ranma, he continued sternly,
"What I don't understand is why you allow this debacle to continue."
Ranma sighed. "Mr. Tendou, if I had a way to stop it, I'd have done it
a long time ago."
Soun smirked. "Seems to me a kettle of hot water would do the trick
rather nicely."
"It would...if it didn't compromise my honor."
Soun blinked. "Excuse me?"
Ranma sighed again. "You know how Ryouga got his curse? It's because he
followed me to Jusenkyou. I was chasin' Pop around the place tryin' to
clobber him, and Ryouga was kinda in our path. He jumped over Pop but I
accidentally knocked him over the edge of the cliff in midair, and he
fell right into the spring that turned him into a pig. Don'tcha see? He
wouldn't be cursed if it wasn't for me. So I promised on my honor that
I'd keep his secret." Ranma smirked. "If I'd known he was gonna start
sleepin' in Akane's bed I wouldn't have made that promise, but now I'm
stuck with it."
Soun nodded. "I see. Well, you're honor-bound to keep your word, and
there's nothing you can do about that."
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, much as I hate the situation, I can't just come
out and tell Akane the truth. And tryin' to do it the sneaky way just
gets me knocked into the pond." He lost himself in thought for a moment,
then a slow grin spread across his face. "However..."
Soun blinked. "However?"
Ranma chuckled. "Well, Mr. Tendou, on the other hand, you ain't said
nothin' about keepin' Ryouga's secret, have you?"
Soun blanched. "Son, you surely don't expect *me* to..."
Ranma smirked. "C'mon, Mr. Tendou. It ain't like Ryouga's gonna swear
revenge on you. He may be a jerk but he does have honor. He'll probably
blame the whole thing on me and swear revenge, but he does that all the
time and I can handle him."
Soun nodded, then said, "But...what about Akane? You know if she finds
out she's going to explode..."
Ranma frowned. "Jeez, you're afraid of your own daughter? C'mon, man,
show some backbone! Aren't you the head of the Tendou school of Anything-
Goes Martial Arts?"
Soun shot Ranma a warning look. "Yes, of course I am."
Ranma smirked. "Well you sure ain't showin' it if you can't deal with
one little phony takin' advantage of your daughter."
Soun growled slightly. "Son, you're beginning to walk a dangerous path..
"
Ranma stood. "So show me you can stand up to Ryouga and Akane, and I'll
shut my mouth." With that, he leaped off the roof.
Soun glared after him for a moment, then leaped down himself and
entered the house.
Akane was still grumbling as she finished getting ready for bed.
"Honestly," she said to the small black piglet curled up on her bed,
"Ranma's such a jerk. Always picking on you, poor little P-chan." She
stroked the piglet's back, and he bweed softly in satisfaction.
There was a knock at the bedroom door. Akane scowled at it. "Must be
that baka," she muttered, then called out, "Who is it?"
"It's your father," Soun's voice called from the other side.
Akane's expression softened. "Alright, come in Dad," she said as she
opened the door. Soun stood there holding a kettle and wearing a serious
expression. Akane frowned. "Dad? Is something wrong?"
Soun walked in, and sat in the chair at Akane's desk. "Akane," he began,
"I was wondering...tell me again where your pet came from?"
Akane's brow furrowed. "I found him one night. He was just here, in my
room."
"I see," Soun said. "And you never tried to find out if he had an owner
or anything?"
Akane frowned. "Dad, what are you getting at?"
Soun pressed on. "Akane, did you ever think maybe there's more to this
piglet than meets the eye?"
P-chan started to sweat nervously.
Akane was a bit irritated. "Dad, if you've got something to tell me,
just say it."
Soun gulped nervously, but held his resolve. "Very well then," he said.
"Akane, there's something important you need to know about your little
pet." He stood and walked over to the bed. P-chan scooted warily away
from him. "Don't make this any harder on yourself than it has to be, boy,
" Soun said in a low tone to the pig.
Akane became slightly alarmed. "Dad! Stop it, you're scaring P-chan!"
Soun scowled. "Oh, he should be scared alright." With that, he whipped
the kettle forward, spilling its contents on the piglet.
Akane shrieked, and moved forward to get the kettle away from her
father, and to yell at him for terrorizing her pet. Then she froze in her
tracks at the sight before her.
Where there once was a small black piglet, there was now a large, naked
young man.
Soun hauled the young man up by the scruff of his neck. "So, Ryouga,"
he said dangerously, "Is there something you'd like to say before I throw
you out of my home?"
Ryouga remained silent, abject fear in his eyes.
Akane remained stunned for a moment, then slowly, anger overcame the
shock. She reached for her mallet.
Ryouga nervously stuttered, "A--Akane...I--I c--can...ex--ex--explain...
"
Akane advanced, mallet at the ready, as Soun backed away, not wanting
to be in blast radius. Akane was glowing bright blue. She raised her
mallet, and growled, "Ryouga...no...HENTAI!!!"
Ranma sat on the veranda, in male form, and listened to the sounds of
violence from within the house. Suddenly, the figure of a young man fell
from an upstairs window and splashed down in the pond. Ranma smiled.
A few seconds later, a blazing Akane stormed past him, and extracted
the piglet from the koi pond. With another yell loaded with curses, she
used P-chan for batting practice, sending him into orbit with her mallet.
Ranma applauded.
Akane glared at him. "You knew. All along. Didn't you."
Ranma stopped applauding.
"And you never told me."
Ranma gulped.
In the trashcans in the alley behind the Nekohanten, a soaking wet
redheaded girl crashed down next to a semi-conscious black piglet. The
redhead twitched a couple times, muttered "K--kawai...kune..." and passed
out.