[Ranma][FanFic] Just-Ice
The Sebastians
by Trisha L. Sebastian
[This was written a while ago, in response to a flamish thread on
the FFML, back when Tybalt was still moderating. The characters
herein are Takahashi, with a twist of Sebastian.]
Hibiki Ryouga was wandering through the streets, as he was apt
to do. He was quite lost, not so lost as to be on one of the
*other* islands of Japan, but still rather lost nonetheless.
"Yes," he thought to himself, "I am lost."
He looked around at the mountain behind him and the city far,
far off in the distance. If this was Fuji, then Tokyo must be
down below. At least that's how the normal brain would have processed
such data.
In the Hibiki brain, the data was taken in by the monkey, translated
into Monkey-speak, fed to the ostrich, who then proceeded to lay an
egg.
The chef took the egg, cracked it over a pan, added some Tabasco
sauce and gave it to the oracle to read.
"Delicious," said the oracle.
"I'M LOST!" screamed Ryouga to his subconscious. "Do something about
it!"
"Almost done with breakfast," said the oracle, wiping up the last bits
of Tabasco with a piece of bread. "Now......."
*BRAAAAAPPPPPP!*
Ryouga's eyes flew open. Seeing as they were already open, it was
quite an astonishing feat. "Tokyo is *this* way!" he pointed
gleefully, and charged back up the mountainside.
"Hmmm," murmured the cook. "Must need more Tabasco sauce."
*****************************
At last, after four scrambled eggs, Ryouga found his way to a small
Shinto temple on the outskirts of town. Which town, he wasn't sure,
but he would soon find out.
"Excuse me, could you tell me the way to Furinkan High?"
The priestess jumped up and down with joy. "It's you! The Wandering
One! Oh, we are so overjoyed that you have finally returned."
Ryouga wiped away the trickle of blood that was slowly escaping his
nostril. "Yes," he murmured confusedly, "I think I remember this
place. It's not often you see Shinto priestesses wearing bikinis...."
She stopped bouncing and grabbed his hand. "Come inside, lonely
traveler! We're finally done with the good luck charm for you."
"Good luck charm?"
"Yes," she smiled enthusiastically. "Don't you remember? You kept
crying out in your sleep about 'that bastard Saotome' and how you
wanted to get your revenge on him? I almost died of fright when you
screamed in my ear like that." She snuggled up to him, her soft
breast squishing against his chest.
Ryouga put two and two together, and even the oracle was surprised.
"Er, aha, <giggle>...." KLUNK!
*******************************
Ryouga woke up in a dimly lit room, surrounded by lots of scantily
clad women. He fainted again.
*******************************
Ryouga woke up tentatively, opening just one eyelid, as to not expose
the rabid monkey and the ostrich to the sight of more women, clad in
filmy lingerie, covering just the... right... spots.......
KLUNK!
*******************************
Ryouga woke up again, this time outside, and only one woman was next
to him. Luckily for him, she was wearing an old pair of sweats and a
big raincoat.
"You're so funny, sir, to keep fainting and spurting like that," she
giggled.
"I don't hormally do that," he said, blushing a bright, bright red.
The priestess (same one from before, mind you) smiled benignly at him.
"Do you think you're ready to receive the good luck charm now?"
"Remind me what this charm is supposed to do?"
"Smite your enemies, give you boundless amounts of love, money and
a good sense of direction."
"I'll take it!"
Ryouga jumped up, grabbed the small charm from her hand and danced
around the courtyard. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..."
He picked her up and swung her around in an improvised polka.
"No, thank you, kind sir. My sisters and I are always so lonely up
here, with no one but us to spend the time with." Her voice grew more
husky. "It's so good of such a virile young man such as yourself to
do service to us. We cannot help but to want to grant you your
every... desire."
This time the monkey needed no prodding.
KLUNK!
FIVE DAYS LATER......
"Saotome, I have seen hells because of you, and you will pay!"
"Oh, hi, Ryouga."
WHAM! BAM! THANK YOU MA'AM!
Ryouga crawled away. Surely those sweet, kind, nubile young girls
couldn't have tricked him. His ribs ached in all sorts of new places
he never dreamed he had. Why hadn't the good luck charm worked?
He gingerly reached his hand into his pocket, and came up empty.
"Where did it go?!?" he screamed in unintelligible fury.
Somewhere there was the sound of an ostrich snickering.
**************************
"Estimated time of arrival?"
"If the winds are good, two days and four hours, sister."
"Excellent. Come, ladies, we must prepare for his... coming."
The girls in the scrying room jumped up with joy. All of them
bounced out, rushing to their boudoirs to prepare themselves.
The lead priestess smiled to her sister. "That didn't take long,
did it?"
The sister smiled back. "He is a resiliant young man."
"Let's hope he never beats this 'Saotome.' How else are we going
to get laid?"
The sisters laughed to themselves, quickly leaving the scrying
room.