[Ranma][FanFic] Daigakusei no Ukyou: As You Like It - Episode 09

[Saotome Ranma]

I've been searching to find
What makes me try again
But I don't see the connection
Between love and a man

I'm looking for a missing person
One that I used to know
There was one of two
That was me and you
But now there's a new place to go

Help me find my way
Please God don't let me go
'Cause I'm still looking
Looking for that missing person I oughta know

+-----------------------------------------------------------+
| Daigakusei no Ukyou: As You Like It |
| |
| Created by David Tai, Paul Gallegos, |
| John Walter Biles and Jeff Hosmer |
| |
| Based on the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi |
+-----------------------------------------------------------+

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Episode 09: "Silver Lining"
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[Sunlight peeks through the windows onto Ukyou's face, and
she rolls over, only to bump into something solid and warm]

Ukyou: [mumbles] Wall feels weird.

[She opens her eyes, only to see it's not a wall she's bumping
her nose into; it's Ranma. Not only that, the bed feels
strange, harder than usual. For a moment, she simply stares
at him in confusion]

Ukyou: What in...

Ranma: [yawns and sits up] Urgh murfle...good morning,
Ucchan.

Ukyou: Umm...Ranma...um...what are...

[Ukyou looks around and suddenly realizes she is NOT
in her apartment, but in Ranma and Akane's apartment in
Maison Sabaku, or at least something similar. The room
design is the same, and there's two futons pulled together on
the floor, but some of the furniture is different in design.
Also, the few pieces of art on the wall are different, such
as a large picture of Ukyou cooking an okonomiyaki with the sea
raging in the background or the picture of Ranma dressed
as Hamlet, talking to a skull]

Ukyou: What in...What's going on, Ranma?

Ranma: [blinks and stands up. He's wearing a white
undershirt and one of his many pairs of black satin pants,
but he is barefoot] I'd say we're getting up in the
morning. [pauses] Should we be somewhere else?

Ukyou: ...

Ranma: [lifts Ukyou to her feet. She's wearing her usual
blue pajamas with little golden birds on them] Whose
turn is it to cook breakfast?

Ukyou: Uhh...yours? [looking around, she can see her
porta-grill set up in the kitchen] Do I...um...have class
today?

Ranma: [looks Ukyou in the eyes, looking worried] Are
you okay, Ucchan? You look confused.

Ukyou: [thinking] I am confused. [speaking]
Where's...um...Akane?

Ranma: She went home after we finished practicing our
lines for Arsenic and Old Lace [pauses] Did we keep you
up late?

Ukyou: ... [thinking] What is going on? Is this some kind
of elaborate joke? I mean, I'm impressed, but...

Ranma: [leans over and kisses her on the cheek] Go take a
shower. I'll go fix breakfast. [looks over at the clock] I
think you don't have class until nine.

Ukyou: [faintly] Is today Monday?

Ranma: [heads off to the kitchen] Yeah. [starts rooting
through the cupboards]

Ukyou: [heads to the shower] This is a dream. It has to
be a dream.

[Ukyou starts up the water, undresses, gets in the
shower and slowly relaxes, trying not to think. Finally,
she finishes and steps out, then starts when she sees all
of her various toiletries are here, scattered about the
bathroom]

Ukyou: [thinking] This has to be a joke. I'll
just play along. I don't know how they organized this or
anything, but it can't be real. OR it might just be a
dream. I should just relax and enjoy it. [grins] I wonder
how far I can push Ranchan before he breaks character. How
did they convince Akane to go along with this?...Well, we'll
see. [smiles brightly] This should be fun.

* * *

[Far away, a slender woman with long black hair sits in a lotus position
upon a throne carved from a single block of jade. Around her, eight monks
steadily pound upon drums. Her eyes are closed, and she glows faintly]

Woman: I can't do this any more.

Monk #1: You tire of goddesshood?

Woman: No, I'm getting a leg cramp.

[All of the monks face fault]

Woman: It has begun.

Monk #2: [picking himself up off the ground] The cramp?

Woman: The next age. The animal gods stir, the Circle reaches out its
hands to touch the world, people watch the skies and search the depths.

Monk #3: Does that mean I can finally stop beating on this stupid drum?

Woman: Sure. It was giving me a headache, anyway. [tries to stand up,
but collapses when her legs won't support her] Call my physical
therapist. I think I've been in the lotus position for too long.

Monk #5: You don't have one, Kuan Yin. And it has been five hundred
years.

Kuan Yin: Then bring me my orb of seeing. I shall gaze upon the world
and see what is happening as the new age begins. And find myself a
chiropractor.

* * *

[Ukyou is seated at the table with Ranma, eating
breakfast, which consists of fruit, cereal and toast]

Ranma: I'm sorry I didn't do anything better, but we
really NEED to go shopping for more breakfast food.
There ain't nothing to eat. [pauses] For breakfast.

Ukyou: [looks over at the picture of herself by the sea] I
can't remember when I posed for that. [thinking] Let's
start pressuring him to explain everything. Ranchan's not
too good at thinking of plausible stories on his feet, so
to speak.

Ranma: [stares at the poster with a piece of toast
hanging out of his mouth] Murfle snitz. [gulps it down]
That's from that trip we took to Hokkaido when we
graduated from high school. [laughs] The day we finally
got out of that madhouse was the happiest day of my life,
just about.

Ukyou: [teasingly] Not the day of our wedding?

Ranma: [blushes] I...uh...I didn't mean...You know that's
not what I meant.

Ukyou: [smiles] But can you remember how long ago it
was?

Ranma: Yeah, it was...umm...about a year ago. During
Summer break after our first semester here. We'd
wanted to do it right after graduating high school, but we
couldn't afford that AND starting college at the same
time. [pauses] Right?

Ukyou: [nods and tosses a cornflake at Ranma] Here's your
prize.

Ranma: [deflects it] So this means war, eh? Then all's
fair! [unleashes a hail of cornflakes at Ukyou, and soon
all out combat is in progress]

* * *

[We see Ukyou sprinting across campus, still trying to
get cornflakes out of her hair]

Ukyou: [thinks] Okay, first class is at...Nobunaga Hall?
Yeah, that's it. Well, that was it BEFORE this happened.
As good a place to start as any.

[Ukyou turns and runs towards one of the taller
classroom buildings]

Ukyou: [thinking] The worst part of the first days of the
semester is trying to get your class schedule straight in
your head.

[She sprints up the front steps and down a hallway into
room 104. The class is already in progress, so she takes
a seat in the back, next to Nabiki]

Nabiki: [leans over and whispers] I told you you'd be late
today. Where's my hundred yen?

Ukyou: ...

Nabiki: [whispers] You can give it to me after class.

Ukyou: [thinking] Since when was Nabiki in this class?
[looks around, thinking] This is Nineteenth Century
Literature, right?

Professor Ito: Ahh, Kuonji-san, since you seem willing
to talk to your neighbors, perhaps you'd like to share
with the rest of us your thoughts on today's reading?

Ukyou: [sweatdrops, thinking] This has BETTER be
Nineteenth Century Literature. [speaking] Well, you see...

* * *

[We see Sato, standing on the front porch of Maison
Sabaku, frowning]

Sato: Something isn't right.

Hitomi: [sticks her head out the door] You always say
that. And nothing's ever wrong.

Sato: Something has shifted some of the world's karma. The
Dragon stirs, the Phoenix spreads its wings, Turtle leaves the
water...

Hitomi: [blinks] Can you try that in Japanese?

Sato: [thinks a moment, then says] I sense a disturbance
in the Force.

Hitomi: Ahh! Well, why didn't you say so? Maybe it was
that food fight Ranma and Ukyou had. The last I saw of
them, Ukyou was still picking food out of her clothing.

Sato: Ukyou had breakfast with Ranma and Akane?

Hitomi: Hmm? No, Akane went home last night, I'm
pretty sure.

Sato: [raises an eyebrow] Went home?

Hitomi: [blinks] Did you expect her to stay here?

Sato: [runs out into the yard, looks at Maison Sabaku,
then runs back] Hmm, it doesn't look different.

Hitomi: [blinks] Why would Maison Sabaku look
different? Did you try to travel to another universe this
morning?

Sato: [scratches his head] Not deliberately.

* * *

[We see Nabiki and Ukyou walking together after class]

Nabiki: I'm glad you talked me into taking this class. I
never thought literature could be interesting at all, but
some of these books are really good. [plucks a cornflake
out of Ukyou's hair] You two had mad passionate sex on
the breakfast table?

Ukyou: [blushes] No! [thinking] She's probably watching
me to see if I've been fooled. [speaking] We stick to
using the bed, usually.

Nabiki: [nods] So you waited for Akane to leave last
night, THEN you had MPS.

Ukyou: I don't have multiple personality syndrome.

Nabiki: Mad Passionate Sex.

Ukyou: [blushes] Oh, that. [thinking] I'll try pushing her.
[speaking] Well, yes.

Nabiki: I guess the two of you are athletic enough to try
some really fancy stuff.

Ukyou: [blushes some more] Um, well...

Nabiki: I do love my boyfriend, but he's just INCREDIBLY
horrible in bed. It's like having sex with an inflatable
doll. [pauses] Not that I would know, of course.

Ukyou: What's his name? [pauses at a fountain and
impulsively picks up a rock and throws it in to watch the
splash]

Nabiki: You won't get much of a wish from a rock. [tosses
a fifty yen coin in and closes her eyes] Oh kamis,
please teach my boyfriend the secrets of the Kama Sutra
or at least to know what he is doing.

Ukyou: [laughs] Maybe the gods like rocks better than
money.

Nabiki: So how are you doing in Accounting?

Ukyou: I'm not tak...uh...I'm doing okay. It's not too
exciting.

Nabiki: Even I don't like accounting. Next year, you'll be
a junior and then you'll get to do the cool stuff. Don't
worry, I won't charge you too much for tutoring since we're
both in the business club, okay? [smiles and sits down on
the edge of the fountain] When's your next class?

Ukyou: Umm...at one, I think.

Nabiki: Wanna come have lunch at my place? Akane's
cooking.

Ukyou: [thinking] This is supposed to entice me? She
has gotten a lot better, but still...why not. I can tease
Akane and see if I can get her to break down and admit
this is a joke. [speaking] Sure thing.

* * *

[We see Sato up in Ranma and Ukyou's apartment]

Sato: Got a minute, Ranma?

Ranma: Sure. I don't have class until eleven. [goes and
sits down in front of the TV and turns it on with the
remote control] How are ya?

Sato: I'm going to ask some questions. They'll sound
stupid, but just humor me, okay?

Ranma: Only if you're funny. [turns to Sato] Does this
mean another evil spirit is gunning for me?

Sato: I hope not.

Ranma: [frowns] Well, sock it to me.

[CNN begins to show a report on a civil war in the Grand
Duchy of Fenwick]

Sato: Your name is Ranma Saotome?

Ranma: [sarcastically] No, it's Genghis Khan. [Sato gets
big eyes] Yes, my name is Ranma Saotome.

Sato: Who are you married to?

Ranma: Ukyou. [pauses] You're not going to hurl me off a
bridge if I answer wrong, are you?

Sato: ...

Ranma: That was one weird movie we watched in that film class.
At times, I thought you must have written it, it was so weird.
[laughs and turns to face the TV] Go on.

[CNN is now reporting on a small town in Ghana which is
being buried by a rain of frogs, ten feet deep]

Sato: Do you know Tendo Akane?

Ranma: Yeah, we're in drama classes together. And we're
both in Arsenic and Old Lace together this semester.
Along with that idiot, Lardy. [grins] He gets to be the
psycho gangster, and I get to be the hero. Fits, eh?

Sato: [frowns] So you've never been engaged to her?

Ranma: [blinks] Me and Akane? I was already married to
Ucchan when I met her. [thinks a moment] No, actually
just engaged. We met in my first drama class I took here
last year.

[CNN reports that Elvis sightings have quintupled in the
last three days]

Sato: [frowns deeper] So how did you come to marry
Ukyou?

[CNN now switches to financial news. The Minister of Finance
has decided to become a mime]

Ranma: Well, that's kinda what happens when you're
engaged. [changes the channel until he finds one showing
Dragonball Z reruns] Now that's more like it.

Sato: [sighs] How did you become ENGAGED to her, then?

Ranma: We met when we were kids. She moved in next
door to us. We kinda grew up together and eventually we
fell in love and got engaged and got married. After we
went to this really crazy high school, Tomobiki.

Sato: [thinking] Now how did Ukyou do this? We're going
to have to have a little talk.

* * *

[We see Nabiki's apartment. It looks much like it does
normally, except for having a pile of bricks in one corner
of the living room. Pleasant food smells are coming from
the kitchen]

Nabiki: [sniffs the air] I have to say I've eaten a lot
better since Akane's been living with me this year than
my first two years here.

Ukyou: [smiles faintly] You could learn to cook, Nabiki.

Nabiki: I could learn quantum physics too. I've got better
things to do. [leans into the kitchen] Hey, mind if Ukyou
eats with us?

Akane: [from the kitchen] I didn't cook enough for four.

Nabiki: Her husband, the bottomless pit, isn't here.

Akane: Oh, well, that's okay, then. I can stretch this to
three.

Ukyou: [plops down on the couch] So what's your sister
Kasumi doing these days? [thinking] Let's probe some
more. I wonder who they got to cook that food for
Akane...it smells really good.

Nabiki: She and Dr. Tofu moved to Shikoku. I can't
remember the name of the exact town.

Ukyou: [thinking] Because you're making this up as you
go along.

Nabiki: She's working on her nursing degree there. She's
almost finished.

Akane: [brings out three bowls of sukiyaki] Here ya go.
Drinks?

Ukyou: Lemonade, please.

Nabiki: Some green tea.

[Akane goes into the kitchen and soon returns with the
drinks]

Akane: You coming to watch the rehearsal tonight,
Ukyou?

Ukyou: [thinking] Hey, this is really good! [speaking]
Depends on if I get my homework done.

Nabiki: How Akane gets ANY of her homework done, I
have no clue.

Akane: You spend more time with your boyfriend than I
spend on plays.

Nabiki: [shakes her head] No way. Is that bozo from your
department still after you?

Akane: [shakes her head] I hooked him up with someone
else. Makiko.

Nabiki: The computer girl?

Akane: Yeah. All three of us were in that history class together last
semester. It wasn't easy.

Ukyou: [casually] Bozo from your department?

Akane: Lardizabal. This Chinese guy. You've met him,
right?

Ukyou: [laughs loudly] Yeah.

Akane: [stops in mid-bite] Wait, I have class! [drops her
food and runs right out the front door and down the
stairs]

Nabiki: [shakes her head] She's so flighty. Wouldn't
remember her own head if it wasn't nailed on. But a
great actress. Sometimes, I think it's connected
somehow, but...

Ukyou: [frowns slightly] What, you think an actress has
to be stupid?

Nabiki: [shakes her head] Not stupid. It's just like...
[frowns] I can't get it to make any sense when I say it.

Ukyou: It's like she forgets her lines in the play of life?

Nabiki: Yeah, that's it!

Ukyou: [thinking] I bet you simply forgot whatever you
were supposed to say next. I wonder if Akane is
watching us...I'm getting paranoid. I have to say this is a
pretty elaborate joke.

* * *

[Ukyou walks up the sidewalk to Maison Sabaku. Sato is
waiting by the door]

Ukyou: Hello.

Sato: Did you ask the Moon-child for this or did she come
up with this on her own?

Ukyou: [blinks] What?

Sato: [raises an eyebrow] Don't tell me you haven't
noticed the changes.

Ukyou: [thinking] Ahh, this must be part of the joke.
[speaking] What changes?

Sato: [thinking] Maybe she can't tell either. But she
seemed wary of my question. [speaking] Do you
remember Megami? The Moon-child?

Ukyou: Of course I remember Megami! She lived with me
for weeks! She was my daughter!

Sato: [relieved] I believe she has changed the world or
at least part of it. What I want to know is why.

Ukyou: [thinking] Maybe she did change everything...she
was getting powerful towards the end and she was a...
[speaking] So this isn't a big practical joke?

Sato: [leans against the wall] From one perspective, all
of reality is a practical joke.

Ukyou: [waving her arms about] I don't want philosophy!
I want to know what's going on!

Sato: There are several possibilities. I believe Megami
has altered reality, but I'm not sure how or how widely.

Ukyou: In other words, did she just change everyone's
memories and move things around for a few dozen people,
or did she change history somehow?

Sato: [blinks] Has this happened to you before?

Ukyou: Sometimes I feel like people do this sort of thing to
me all the time, but no. I've got a lot of experience with
weird stuff happening, though.

Sato: Good. The other question is whether there are any unintended
consequences.

Ukyou: Like what?

Sato: History is a tapestry in which strings tie together
in unusual ways. Say one alters history by somehow
keeping a child up all night who slept peacefully in the
original timeline. Seems like a small change, right?

Ukyou: Yeah.

Sato: The child's parents are unable to sleep, and the
father, an auto mechanic, goes to work groggy and misses
a damaged part during a safety inspection. The driver of
the car, a wealthy businessman, dies horribly a few
weeks later in a wreck that could have been prevented.
As a result, his worthless older son takes over twenty
years earlier than he did in the original timeline. He runs
the business into the ground and it goes bankrupt, putting
thousands of people out of work. All from a colicky baby.

Ukyou: But...is Megami really powerful enough to change
history? I mean, REALLY change it? Why would I
remember everything...why would you remember
everything?

Sato: I believe my own spiritual powers preserved me.
Or perhaps Megami simply saw no need to change me,
since I have had little impact on...hmm. I wonder how
Ranma would remember our battle against that spirit.

Ukyou: Maybe it never happened...I mean, with no Akane...

Sato: [startled] She doesn't exist at all? Now?

Ukyou: [shakes her head] No, no, I meant with her not
married to Ranma.

Sato: The thoroughness of the changes tends to argue
against this being simply an altering of a few minds,
though. Ranma showed me an entire scrapbook of your
past together.

Ukyou: [nervously] Like what?

Sato: Should his father be bald?

Ukyou: [nods] Yeah, he's never had hair that I can
remember. Maybe when we were little kids, but not much
even then. [thinks a moment] For one thing, there's
a big poster on the wall I never posed for. And now
Ranma is an actor. Some of these changes are so weird,
I think she had to have changed history.

Sato: Or possibly that she lacked the control to keep a
tight rein on what she did. [sighs] I must consult the
spirits to try to learn what happened and what we can do
to undo it.

Ukyou: Can we undo it?

Sato: [flatly] We must.

[Ukyou stares at the ground]

Sato: [more gently] Kuonji-san, this isn't the way it's
supposed to be.

Ukyou: [quietly] You're not the one who has to give
anything up.

Sato: [frowning] Like Akane had to give up her husband
for you to have him?

Ukyou: [winces] She can find another husband. It's not
like she's old and grey.

Sato: You're rationalizing.

Ukyou: [voice getting louder] You're not the one who has
to give up a dream come true!

Sato: [mouth opens, then shuts, then opens again] The
gods are not supposed to tamper with reality to suit the
whims of mortals! [pauses] Or each other.

Ukyou: Even if the results are better than the original?

Sato: This reality was changed to benefit YOU! Of course
YOU think that!

Ukyou: [stomps over to Sato] Dammit, there's no one
unhappy with this reality but YOU!

[The doors fly open. Ranma sprints out, pauses and
kisses Ukyou on the cheek, then takes off running]

Ukyou: [blinks] Ranchan?

Ranma: [turns on one heel at the gate to run off down the
street] Gotta go to the library before class! See you at
rehearsal or afterwards! Bye! [runs out of sight]

Ukyou: [mutters] I wonder if Megami made everyone late
all the time too.

Sato: Perhaps. Just ask yourself this, Ukyou. If it was
acceptable for the gods to fix everyone's lives for them,
why don't they do it all the time?

Ukyou: Maybe they're all as obnoxious as you. [stomps
inside, slamming the door behind her]

Sato: This sort of thing has consequences! Yank too
many threads and the entire tapestry unravels! [pulls the
door open and runs in after her] Did Megami ASK any of
these people if they wanted their lives changed to suit
HER whim? In order to please you?

Ukyou: [glaring down the stairs at him] Did they ask me
if I wanted to be abandoned? What makes the old reality
any better than this one?

Sato: It wasn't the result of a goddess' whim!

Ukyou: [angrily] Was it? Or does this happen all the
time? What if all my misery, all our misery, was just
the result of some spirit being interfering? [pounds on
the banister] How can we be sure that all the HELL I
went through and all the rest of us went through wasn't
just the whim of some god or goddess making us dance to
their pleasure? Maybe this is what SHOULD have been if
someone hadn't interfered and made us all miserable
instead!

Sato: You can't blame your mistakes on the gods!

Ukyou: Ranchan and I being separated for ten years had
NOTHING to do with my mistakes! I can see now that by
the time I found him again, it was too late! Yeah, I was
an idiot to hold on for so long, but I loved him! What if
Megami DID change history? She prevented a tragedy and
kept Ranma's dad from doing something BAD! Aren't the
gods supposed to avert tragedies and punish the wicked?

Sato: She took away people's freedom! She made them do
what SHE wanted instead of what they wanted!

Ukyou: [shouting] Oh, we can't blame our mistakes on the
gods, but a goddess made us do things? You can't have it
both ways! Besides, I know for certain she didn't simply
change things to give me what I wanted!

Sato: And how can you know THAT?

Ukyou: Because YOU'RE STILL HERE! [storms off down the
hallway into her room]

Sato: [sighs] Now I know why I didn't go into diplomacy.

[Seconds later, Ukyou streaks down the stairs past him
at high speed, out the door, down the walk and across the
street]

Ukyou: [thinking] Maybe Megami DID make us all late...I
have class!

* * *

[We see Ukyou staring into an empty classroom]

Ukyou: [thinking] I do have Sociology at 1, right? Or did
Megami change this...yeesh, now I'm gonna have to find a
copy of my class schedule. [turns to leave and slams into
Makiko, who falls down, dropping her notebook, which
spews loose leaf paper everywhere] I'm so sorry, Makiko!

Makiko: Watch where you're going, you... [freezes
briefly, then shakes her head and smiles] Oh, Hi,
Ukyou! You're coming to me and Lardy's party this
Friday, right?

Ukyou: Sure! [pauses, thinking] I wonder where she's
living. Or how we met.

Makiko: When is that play Ranma's in?

Ukyou: I can't remember. [thinking] Because I don't
know. [speaking] Do you have a minute, Makiko?

Makiko: Sure. I just got out of class. No more classes
for me today. You've got Sociology at three, right?

Ukyou: Something like that. Come with me, okay?

Makiko: [follows her] Okay. What's on your mind?

Ukyou: [walks outside and sits down on a bench with
Makiko] This is gonna sound weird.

Makiko: There's a woman who turns into a cat who's
after my boyfriend. It doesn't get much weirder than
that.

Ukyou: What, Shampoo is after Lardy? To...marry her?

Makiko: [blinks] No, she's out to extort all the money he
owes her. [laughs] Even if Amazon law demanded she
marry him, she'd die first, I think.

Ukyou: Okay, this is a hypothetical question.

Makiko: [smiles] Most hypothetical questions are an
effort to avoid admitting we've made a mistake.

Ukyou: Hey!

Makiko: That's what you told me the last time I asked you one.
[laughs] So what's up?

Ukyou: Imagine if a goddess saw someone miserable and
granted them a wish. But that wish required either
changing what people were like, or else changing history
to make them end up like the way they needed to be for
the wish to come true.

Makiko: Go on.

Ukyou: Now, imagine it made almost everyone affected
happier, but it made one of the people lose her
h...boyfriend. Who is now married to one of the happier
people. But she's still happy and doesn't remember losing
her boyfriend. In fact, she seems happier.

Makiko: Okay, I'm imagining this. Now what?

Ukyou: Did the goddess do the right thing?

Makiko: By granting the wish? Did she have a choice?

Ukyou: As to whether she granted it?

Makiko: As to HOW she granted it.

Ukyou: Yeah. Assume she could have done anything as
long as it fulfilled the wish.

Makiko: Could she have done better? Made more people
happy?

Ukyou: I have no clue. [thinks a moment] Assume it was
her first time to try to do something like this.

Makiko: [frowns] Are you leading up to telling me you're
a goddess?

Ukyou: ...

Makiko: Because I can't think of why else you'd ask me
this. [pauses] Well, did anyone actually get hurt by this
besides the boyfriend swap?

Ukyou: Well, some people are different. And no one was
asked if they wanted it.

Makiko: Time to put that 'Introduction to Philosophy' class to
work, I guess. [thinks for a moment] Well, I'd say that from a
utilitarian perspective, that the amount of happiness was increased.
I mean, the woman could get a new boyfriend, but if she doesn't
remember it to feel bad, and she's even happier than
before...Although...hrmm... So I'd say the goddess did the
right thing. Cause the important thing is to maximize
happiness. Although she probably should have asked, but
hey, she's just starting out, right? [smiles] Do I get an A,
Dr. Kuonji?

Ukyou: [thinking] Then why do I feel guilty?

* * *

[We see Ukyou finishing off her homework]

Ukyou: [muttering to self] How am I gonna ever catch up
on these business classes...If Megami was gonna change
my major, I wish she'd implanted all the knowledge of
business in my head.

[The door opens and Ranma staggers in]

Ranma: Damn Lardy.

Ukyou: [looks up] What did he do, Ranchan?

Ranma: He knocked the entire set wall down on me trying
to climb in the 'window'. Probably got confused and
thought it was trying to attack him. [comes over and
plops down at the table] And both of the 'aunts' were
acting like they really WERE senile. [sighs] Then after
yelling at everyone, I blanked out on my lines during the
last scene. [looks up at Ukyou] Did I miss dinner again?

Ukyou: I didn't know when you'd be back, so I didn't cook
anything yet. [gets up] I can make some sandwiches
pretty fast.

Ranma: Good. I need food NOW! [his stomach rumbles]
Now if I could only do that on cue.

Ukyou: [laughs as she starts making sandwiches] Actors
do it on cue.

Ranma: [smiles] Is that a hint?

Ukyou: [freezes in place, thinking] If we're married, then
we've... we could... [a million images float through her
mind and she blushes] Not tonight, Ranchan.

Ranma: [frowns and stares at the table] Not in the
mood?

Ukyou: I've got stuff on my mind. [finishes off two
sandwiches, which she brings to Ranma] Drink?

Ranma: Some ice water.

Ukyou: [gets him some ice water and starts making
herself some sandwiches] I have a philosophical
question, and I don't know the answer to it.

Ranma: [munching away, spews crumbs as he speaks] I
thought you took that last semester. With Makiko.
You came home every night and bugged me with the
questions. I feel like I took it myself. This isn't
gonna be some weird one about perfect ponies, is it?

Ukyou: Perfect ponies?

Ranma: If you've forgotten, I'm not gonna remind you. So
this isn't homework?

Ukyou: Not homework. A real life dilemma.

Ranma: Fire away. Just try to not use all those weird
terms I don't know. I sorta caught some of them from you,
but my brain just doesn't like big words nobody ever uses.

Ukyou: [gets a glass of lemonade] Do you know what
utilitarianism is?

Ranma: Does it have something to do with utility
companies?

Ukyou: [shakes her head, comes over and sits down] It's
the idea that the way to find the most moral action in a
situation is to do what brings the greatest happiness to
the greatest number.

Ranma: Not possible. It's one of those things that gets
used to excuse hurting people for the greater good. No
one ever uses it to say they ought to have to give
something up themselves. [Ukyou winces] My old man always
tried to argue that way to make me do stuff. And there's a
bunch of holes in the idea.

Ukyou: Like what?

Ranma: Well, for one thing, we wouldn't be married if
that was true. There were a LOT of nutcases who hated
my guts and would be much happier if I was miserable
because you dumped me for one of them. But we didn't
owe them nothing.

Ukyou: [thinks] Ranchan is being a lot deeper than
he usually is. Or maybe he is always this deep and it
just never came out before? I wonder if he talks to
Akane like this. [winces at the thought, then says]
But what if...

Ranma: And for another thing, how do you measure
happiness? Different things make different people
happy. I don't think Pop and you would be happy if he
married you, but us being married makes us happy.
Studying makes some people happy, but not others. And
who decides how happiness is gonna be measured and
what's best? Great for tyrants and for telling people 'I'm
only doing this for your own good', but I think it's a
stupid idea. [pauses] Didn't I ramble on about this last
semester when you asked me about...whatever that one
problem was?

Ukyou: [frowns] So you think we shouldn't worry about
other people's happiness?

Ranma: I'm not saying we should be MEAN to people. Just
that if you apply that principle, you can find a way to
justify anything. I mean, what if murdering someone
made a lot of people happy more than it made him
unhappy? You'd HAVE to kill him by that rule. But I think
people got rights. You can't just kill people and junk.
[finishes his sandwich] All this philosophy is making my
head hurt. So why are you asking me weird questions
about this stuff?

Ukyou: Uh... [chews on her sandwich instead of
answering, thinking] I'm not sure having Ranma be a deep
thinker is such a good thing. He never used to see through
stuff like this. Not that I want him to be stupid, but...

Ranma: I mean...you're trying to decide what to do about
something, right?

Ukyou: [finishes off her sandwich] Ranchan, I...you're
going to think I'm crazy.

Ranma: I already know you're crazy.

[Ukyou pales]

Ranma: That was a joke, Ucchan! [sounds a little irritated]
What is going on? You've been kinda jumpy weird all day.

Ukyou: What would you do if all your dreams came true,
Ranchan, but it wasn't because of anything you did,
instead a genie did it by changing everything to meet
your will? Turned people into people they weren't?

Ranma: [big eyes] Pop got ahold of another genie bottle?
[leaps to his feet] Oh man, not again. Where is he?

Ukyou: [laughs] Not him.

Ranma: [bigger eyes] Choji got a genie bottle? [starts
to run for the door] Why did you wait this long?

Ukyou: [pulls Ranma short by his pig-tail] Hold your
horses, Ranchan. No one has a genie bottle.

Ranma: Then who has...I'm confused.

Ukyou: Do you remember Megami?

Ranma: Yeah, the moon-child. [blinks] She did whatever
you're talking about? I thought she left. What did she do?
Nothing seems any different.

Ukyou: [gulps] Okay, Ranchan, here's what...I don't even
know where to start.

Ranma: At the beginning?

Ukyou: I'm not sure where the beginning is, but...here
goes.

* * *

[Sato is sitting in the backyard of Maison Sabaku staring
up at the stars. Hitomi comes out the back door]

Hitomi: Whatcha looking at? [comes and sits by him]

Sato: Wishing I was better at persuading people. [turns
to Hitomi] Am I too pushy?

Hitomi: Yes. [Sato winces] You're usually right, but you
tend to assume everyone will simply see the truth of
what needs to be done instead of trying to convince them.
I assume this has to do with you and Ukyou's screaming
match?

Sato: [sighs] I didn't realize we had an audience.

Hitomi: I'm sure half the town heard you, although I
couldn't understand whatever you were talking about.

Sato: [uncomfortably] It's hard to explain.

Hitomi: [laughs] With you, it always is.

Sato: [stares at the ground] Am I really that confusing?

Hitomi: [gently punches his shoulder] Geez, what's with
you? You're acting weirder than usual.

Sato: I need to convince someone they're wrong, and I
don't know how.

Hitomi: Well, clearly explaining the situation would be a
good start.

Sato: You're going to think I'm insane.

Hitomi: I already think that. [Sato's eyes widen] That
was a joke! A joke!

Sato: Do you believe in the gods, Hitomi?

Hitomi: I dunno. Sorta. I mean...The universe would be
boring if it didn't have any.

Sato: ...

Hitomi: But it's not something I have much time to worry
about.

Sato: Ever wonder why they don't meddle constantly in
human affairs?

Hitomi: [thinks] In all the stories I know, they usually
do.

Sato: Are any of those stories contemporary?

Hitomi: [shakes her head] Not the ones that are supposed
to be true.

Sato: Once, the gods and spirits meddled constantly in
human affairs. They often still do, but now they use
more subtle methods because they learned one of the
ramifications of the laws of karma.

Hitomi: [teasingly] You're getting abstract on me.

Sato: Bear with me. The law of karma states, in simple
terms, that people get what they deserve as a result of
their actions...in the long run.

Hitomi: By affecting their next life. Behave well in this
one and you'll do better in the next one, even though this
one may be pretty lousy. Everyone knows that.

Sato: Yes. Now, what some of the spirits and gods
learned was that directly changing reality made a big
mess because it violated the laws of karma. Things
happened that weren't deserved, both good and bad. Not
just to the people they used magic on, but also to people
who just happened to be in the area, or who had known
the targets in past lives or...

Hitomi: In other words, it made a big mess.

Sato: It also came back and bit the deities in the hand,
so to speak. Those who meddled by directly altering
reality got punished by the laws of karma raining down
disasters on them. The bigger the change, the more they
suffered. Changes in people caused more trouble than
changes in the environment. Turning a rose into a petunia
usually didn't have the kind of consequences that
say...changing who someone was married to would.

Hitomi: In other words, it was counter-productive.

Sato: Exactly. After the Circle was completely crippled by
one such backlash, most of the spirits and deities backed off
from direct intervention. That was a good thousand years ago.
It frightened them, and kamis don't scare easily. Usually.

Hitomi: [thoughtfully] So now they don't intervene at all?

Sato: While spirits and deities still meddle, it's usually
either to punish those whose actions make them merit
punishment, to reward the deserving, or to take action in
more subtle ways, like suggesting things through dreams
or leaving cursed pools lying around where people can
fall in them. Should they choose to go there on their own.
Or else the deities find some way to 'pay for it'. Like the
old story about the Rakshasa King who had to cut off nine
of his ten heads to perform a magical ritual to summon
up Brahma.

Hitomi: Cursed pools...Like Ranma's curse?

Sato: [starts] You know about it?

Hitomi: He told everyone when he got here since he didn't
think he'd be able to keep the secret.

Sato: ... [thinking] Another thing changed.

Hitomi: So some goddess has been meddling, and you've
been trying to convince her to change things back, but she
won't listen? Why doesn't she know about all this?

Sato: She's new, and she hasn't learned yet. Also, I think
I'm going to need a mortal's help to convince her, the one
who she changed reality to benefit.

Hitomi: [eyes widen] A goddess changed reality so Ukyou is
married to Ranma instead of...umm... who IS Ukyou supposed to
be married to anyway?

Sato: [quietly] No one.

Hitomi: Then why were you talking to...wait...so Ranma
should be married to someone else?

Sato: Akane.

Hitomi: [eyes bug out] You're joking.

Sato: I'm not joking.

Hitomi: But they...I mean...So what else got changed?

[Someone upstairs turns on a loud radio]

Radio: Emperor Norton IV of the Empire of North America
announced his new Prime Minister today.

Hitomi: Geez, it's about time.

Sato: ...

* * *

[Back at Ranma and Ukyou's room]

Ranma: [frowning] Are you sure this isn't a practical
joke?

Ukyou: [aggravated] It is not a joke! By me, anyway.

Ranma: [shrugs] Well, I'm happy with the way things are,
so if some meddling goddess made things this way, I
don't care.

Ukyou: But you said...it wouldn't be right to do something
like this!

Ranma: It sounds to me like the only person with any
reason to be unhappy about this is Akane. I mean, I'm not
unhappy. So I'm not the one to ask about this.

Ukyou: But you...your mind got altered. That can't be
right.

Ranma: Maybe if you could ask me before whatever
happened, I'd give you another answer. All I know is that
I love you. [Ukyou twitches] This could happen every day,
for all I know. Maybe every morning, everything we think
we remember is a lie, and every day of our life is an
experiment by some god or goddess to see what we'll do.
Maybe our entire life is just some cheesy sitcom being
manipulated by aliens to make them laugh. All I know is
what I remember, and what I remember is what you think
I've been made to remember. I can't fight no gods, and I
don't really want to. Now if it was Sato's fault, I'd
happily pound him flat. But that's another story.

Ukyou: [sighs, puts her head on the table as she slumps
forward] I just...I just feel guilty. I don't wanna feel
guilty. But I guess there's not much I can do about it.

Ranma: [quietly] Do you want things to stay like this?

Ukyou: [looks up] Yes. All I ever wanted was you,
Ranchan.

Ranma: Then why worry about it? [pauses] Well, besides
the fact that you're probably going to flunk all your
business classes since you never had the introductory
classes, but I'm sure Nabiki will help you out. You're
smart, though. You'll catch up pretty quick.

Ukyou: [yawns] I guess it's time for bed.

Ranma: [nods] I'm gonna take a shower. [hesitantly] Are
we gonna...

Ukyou: Well, I'M not gonna sleep on the roof.

[Ranma nods and heads off to the bathroom]

Ukyou: [thinking] I gotta make up my mind on this.
Maybe I should go see what Shampoo is like.

* * *

[We see Sato in his room, sitting outside an elaborate
pattern drawn on the floor with chalk. Lit candles
surround the circle, but the room is otherwise dark]

Sato: I command you, Yutaga, to appear.

[There is a flash of light and Yutaga, Sato's sometimes
spirit ally, appears]

Yutaga: Hey, this is NOT how you're supposed to summon
me!

Sato: I don't have time to do a little dance for you. I'll
pay the price later, but I need to find out how big a mess
Megami has made.

Yutaga: [shakes his head] I can't tell you.

Sato: Why?

Yutaga: The Circle will kick my ass if I tell you. I dunno why
they're letting her run loose like this...maybe so...I can't tell
you.

Sato: Do you know why I am not affected by this?

Yutaga: [snickers] 'Cause I made sure you didn't get affected by her
spells.

Sato: [blinks] Thank you.

Yutaga: [laughs] I thought watching you bang your head against
the wall trying to fix it would be amusing. That's why I'm going
to tell you what's going on anyway.

Sato: [frowns] How nice of you.

Yutaga: Given the mess she's made, though...I mean...I like
Emperors as much as the next man, but deciding every
nation on Earth needed one...

Sato: [eyes widen] She changed the government of every
nation on Earth?

Yutaga: I think the Circle has decide it's Open Season
on reality. And she's leading the charge, so to speak.

Sato: [frowns] Can we petition them?

Yutaga: Only Megami knows for sure all the changes she
made; Even if I could tell you anything, I only know
some.

Sato: And fixing only some would tangle the skein of
karma even more.

Yutaga: Depends on if she changed all of reality with one
wiggle or did things in chunks.

Sato: I was afraid it would come to this. I lack the raw
power to fix the changes myself; I wouldn't even know
how to start.

Yutaga: If I could do things like that, I'd make half of
Japan worship me so I'd grow stronger.

Sato: [thinking] Thank the heavens for small favors.

Yutaga: [shrugs] Anyway, I'm outta here.

Sato: Wait! Can you take a message to Megami? Tell her
I must speak with her.

Yutaga: Stand on your head and bark like a chicken.

Sato: [blinks] Chickens don't bark.

Yutaga: Just do it.

Sato: [frowns] That's ridiculous.

Yutaga: [laughs] Now you get the idea.

* * *

[Waking from her slumber, Ukyou is quite surprised to find herself
standing on a steep cliff, overlooking a raging ocean]

Ukyou: [blinks] How'd I get here? [looks around] This place looks
familiar.

[She begins to walk along the shore, then stops at a pile of rocks]

Ukyou: Now I remember. This was one of the places where I used to train.
I'd climb down to the beach here. [kneels and looks over the edge at the
very steep path down] I must have been crazy climbing down this thing
every day. [grins and starts picking her way down the slope] Much easier
now that I'm older.

[Upon reaching the bottom, she stares out at the ocean. Dark clouds cover
it, and the tide surges wildly against the narrow ribbon of shore]

Ukyou: Now...what did I used to do...oh yes.

[Ukyou pulls out her giant spatula from...somewhere...and begins a kata,
facing off with the ocean as if it was her enemy. As she moves through
the kata, the ocean surges at her repeatedly, but she parries every
droplet of water, moving ever closer to the sea. Then she launches into
an offensive kata, moving forward in an intricate dance of whirling blade
and water. While she cannot see it, she is beginning to walk out into the
ocean upon the water, the shore receding behind her as she presses her
assault]

Ukyou: [laughing] Hah! Take that, Pacific! And that! And that!

[As she advances across the water, a boy who looks much like she would if
she was male, drifts closer to her, riding in a large innertube.
Eventually, he drifts close enough for her to hear what he's shouting]

Boy-Ukyou: You're a long ways from shore, you know!

Ukyou: [pauses in her onslaught] What?

[Boy-Ukyou points at the water. Ukyou looks down and sees she is a good
mile from shore, standing on the water. Suddenly, she sinks]

Ukyou: [flailing about] Blurgle!

Boy-Ukyou: You need to look where you're going, you know, instead of just
rushing off on some enthusiasm wherever it takes you.

Ukyou: [swims over to the tube and clings to it] Hey, are you that
Guardian thing I met when we fought that monster?

Boy-Ukyou: Could be. Or perhaps this is just a dream.

Ukyou: [suspiciously] Or perhaps you're Sato.

Boy-Ukyou: Or I could be a friendly spirit, or Tsubasa in disguise
or...but definitely not Sato.

Ukyou: [looks back at the shore] How'd I get all the way out here?

Boy-Ukyou: Like I said, you have a tendency to set your sights on
something, and not think enough about where it's taking you.

Ukyou: You can lecture me when we get to shore.

Boy-Ukyou: [puts a hand in the water] Looks like we're drifting farther
from shore, actually. But that's not always a bad thing. The problem
isn't wandering far from home...it's wandering without knowing where
you're going.

Ukyou: [takes a swing at him] I don't need words of wisdom while I'm in
the middle of the ocean!

[Boy-Ukyou dodges and the spatula connects with the tube, which springs a
leak]

Boy-Ukyou: [treading water] You really need to think about what you're
doing.

Ukyou: [starts treading water] I can't think if you don't shut up!

[She glares at him, while he just smiles at her. Finally, she sighs]

Ukyou: I suppose this is symbolic too.

Boy-Ukyou: Perhaps. Or we could just be treading water because we're
over a mile from shore.

[Ukyou looks around, and can see land in several different directions, but
can't tell which way is closer]

Ukyou: What's the best way to land?

Boy-Ukyou: Depends on which land you want to go to.

Ukyou: Any port in a storm.

Boy-Ukyou: Speaking from experience?

Ukyou: So what do you think about this whole business with reality
getting changed?

Boy-Ukyou: Not my problem. [begins to idly swim in a circle around her]
Of course, with all of it, there is one angle you haven't thought of.

Ukyou: What?

Boy-Ukyou: You always dreamed of being married to Ranma. But do you like
the other aspects of this new life? Do you want to be a business major?
To 'go back' to literature? To try something else entirely? And if you
do change your mind, will you be able to get away with it at this point?

Ukyou: [blinks] Hadn't thought too much about that. I had been kinda
wondering what I wanted to do in the long term. Of course, I was just a
freshman, and suddenly I'm a sophomore who supposedly has learned stuff I
don't know. I like my literature classes a lot, but I don't really want
to teach, so I don't know what I could do with it. On the other hand, if I
do business, catching up won't be much fun. And this accounting
class...bleah.

Boy-Ukyou: [looks around at the various islands] So where shall we head
to?

Ukyou: Gonna have to think about this.

Boy-Ukyou: Well, it's not an immediate decision, but don't wait too long
or a whale will eat you.

Ukyou: If I don't decide my future fast enough?

Boy-Ukyou: [points at the oncoming killer whale] No, that whale.

[They frenziedly make for shore, and Ukyou wakes up, making swimming
motions in bed. She's just smacked Ranma in the head, and he wakes up
groggily]

Ranma: [holds his head] Whaddya do that for?

Ukyou: Sorry, Ranchan, just a weird dream.

Ranma: [moves a little further away] I'll just get out of your way.

Ukyou: I'll try to stay on my side of the line of death.

[They both laugh and Ukyou drifts back off to sleep]

* * *

[The next morning, Ukyou walks into Shampoo's
restaurant, which she noticed is named 'Amazon Cafe #1'.
It looks like a bar and grill, except for the hand and
missile weapons everywhere and several beautiful Chinese
landscape paintings and scrolls on the walls. Shampoo is
behind the bar serving drinks, and two other amazon
women with blue hair who look like sisters are out
serving customers in the booths. The place has a fair
number of customers, but it's too early in the day for a
big crowd. Shampoo looks much the same as ever, except
that she's dressed for a luau, as are the other
waitresses]

Ukyou: [thinking] Geez, what a weird night. [sits down
at the bar] Gimme a Dr. Pepper.

Shampoo: [quickly fixes her one] So what's on your mind
this time, Ukyou?

Ukyou: ...

Shampoo: [grins] You only come talk to me when you
think you've stumbled into some deep philosophical
problem you can't think your way out of where the
answer is usually to stop thinking and start doing.
[laughs] Or are you thinking he's been possessed again?

Ukyou: [thinking] Again? Wait, Shampoo's accent is
gone...

Shampoo: [pulls herself up a chair] Or did the Hitomi girl
do something again?

Ukyou: [looks around] Is Mousse not in today?

Shampoo: [blinks] What?

Ukyou: Mousse. You know, thick glasses, turns into a
duck...

Shampoo: [stares at the counter] He's dead. He died
when the Phoenix Mountain people and the Musk Dynasty
had that war over the bucket and we got caught in the
middle. He died trying to save me from being... [shudders]
He didn't die for nothing. I got away. [stares at Ukyou]
But I know I never told anyone about him...And if you did
know, you would know he was dead. [frowns] What's
going on?

Ukyou: [pales] He's dead?

Shampoo: Three years now. That was the year I won the
village tournament. I was so proud. [sighs] I would have
won the year before, but I got sick two days into it and
couldn't finish. So Microchip won. [thinks a moment] I
think she's running a bookstore in America now. A big
one.

Ukyou: [hesitantly] So you came to Japan after your
village was destroyed?

Shampoo: [nods] Yeah. The Amazons are scattered
across the world now. Although a lot of them work for
me. I've got six Amazon Cafes in Japan now. Even though
it means dressing like this. [sighs] But I won't starve,
and it lets me laugh at a lot of stupid drunk people.
[stares at Ukyou] Hadn't I told you most of this before?

Ukyou: Yes. I just...I'm not thinking straight.

[The TV over the bar switches to CNN. The TV announces
that Emperor Marcel Marceau III of France has declared
war on Burgundy. Footage of a silent news conference
follows in which a regally dressed man wearing white
face paint mimes firing a machinegun]

Ukyou: I thought Burgundy was a kind of wine.

Shampoo: Well, yes. It comes from Burgundy.

Ukyou: But I thought Burgundy came from France.

Shampoo: Well, the Emperor of France certainly thinks
that. [shrugs] European politics is crazy. Bunch of
stupid Third World nations.

Ukyou: ...

Shampoo: But politics isn't our problem. So what
brought you over here?

Ukyou: Gimme a cup...no, a bottle of sake.

Shampoo: That bad, huh?

* * *

[Sato sits in the middle of a hexagram (the I-ching
symbols) which signifies divine blessing he has drawn on
the floor. Across the room, he has cleared more space by
stacking some of his furniture, and has drawn a large
pentagram surrounded by three circles full of runes,
elven script, and Chinese characters There are lit
candles and incense everywhere]

Sato: By the Hoary Hosts of Frogger, I command you, the
goddess Megami, to COME FORTH!

[Eighteen goddesses, all female, appear inside the
pentagram. They range in age from a baby to an old
woman, and include just about every hair, eye, and skin
color known to man. One of them is actually a sentient
asparagus, but the rest are human. One of them is the
Megami he's looking for. Unfortunately, there isn't really
room inside the pentagram for more than three or so
Megamis, so they are tangled in a stack to the ceiling,
and not pleased at all, especially the baby, which howls
continuously through the rest of the scene]

Megami #5: [a middle-aged woman wearing a business
suit with short black hair and grey eyes] How dare you
do this, mortal?

Megami #3: [an eight year old girl with long blonde hair,
wearing a kimono] You need...to be more specific. [tries
to wiggle loose]

Sato: Megami! I know you're in there! You've changed
history! Now you have to fix it!

Moon-child Megami: It is not the place of mortals to
command the gods. And I didn't do anything wrong!

Sato: You changed history! On a global scale!

Moon-child Megami: Well, I didn't mean to fix everything,
but once I started making changes, I had to make others
to keep those stable, and then I realized that so many
things were messed up that...

Sato: That you decided to make even BIGGER messes than
that!

Megami #9: [a gypsy-like woman dressed in red with
bright green hair and glasses] Can you let the rest of us
[shoves an elbow away from her eye] go? I've got places
to go, people to guide, and I don't like having three feet in
my gut.

Sato: I'm sorry, but I can't let any of you go without
letting everyone go.

Moon-child Megami: You can keep me here forever, but
you can't make me change things! I want Mom to be
happy!

Sato: At the expense of the rest of the world?

Moon-child Megami: Did you worry about the happiness of
the baby chickens you had for breakfast?

Sato: [splutters] I'm a vegetarian! And I skipped
breakfast, anyway!

Megami #5: Wrong Sato.

Moon-child Megami: I haven't quite gotten this
omniscience thing down yet. Ever think about how poorly
the people are paid who made your shirt, Sato?

Sato: Actually, my mom made this one for me as a
Christmas present.

Moon-child Megami: [getting frustrated] When you decide
to go see a movie, do you worry about the revenue
someone is losing because you didn't go see their film?

Sato: I'm not much for going to the movies.

Moon-child Megami: [starting to froth, lightly] Dammit!
I know there has to be SOMETHING you do that effects
other people!

Megami #9: He doesn't seem to care that I've got a
goddess baby trying to stick my toe in its mouth!

Sato: I know that everything we do affects other people.
And often in ways we can't anticipate. And that you can't
make an omelet without breaking eggs. But if I do
something, it doesn't FORCE people to do things. I'm not
just deciding what's good for them!

Moon-child Megami: Oh, so you don't call stuffing all of
us in this circle FORCING us to do something?

Megami #12: [a grey haired black woman, dressed in a
fancy blue dress] She's got you there.

Sato: The difference is that I'm trying to FIX things! To
put them back the way they SHOULD be!

Megami #6: [irritatedly] Corrupt methods destroy a just cause.

Moon-child Megami: I was just correcting other people's
meddling! Ukyou and Ranma were SUPPOSED to be
together! But this goddess came along and changed
things! So I just tried to change them back.

Sato: [frowns] And how did you know that they were
SUPPOSED to be together?

Moon-child Megami: I went to the Library of Time and
looked at the 'History of Divine Meddling'!

Sato: Hmm. Good idea; I should have thought of that
before. I'll be back.

Megami #6: You can't just leave us stacked like
cordwood!

Sato: [throws all his pillows into the middle of the
circle] Here, these should help. I'll be right back.

Megami #12: [mutters] Damn youngsters think they know
everything.

* * *

[We see Sato in a huge library, full of scrolls, books,
posters, stories carved onto cross sections of tree
trunks, and a million other ways of recording words,
symbols, and pictures. He wanders through the shelves]

Sato: [sighs] It took longer to get here than I expected.
At least no time will pass while I'm here. [pulls a book
off the shelf] Ahah. Here we go.

[The book is huge, hundreds of pages thick, with a heavy
leather bound cover. He puts it down on a table and the
pictures on its pages spring to life...]

* * *

[Chibi-Ukyou is running after a yatai being pulled by
Genma. Remarkably, she's starting to catch up with it.
Then a translucent figure, clearly female, trips her with
a leg stuck out that she can't see]

Chibi-Ukyou: YOU JACKASS! COME BACK HERE! TAKE ME
WITH YOU! [starts to cry]

Sato: [voice over] Okay, that's the goddess Megami was
talking about...let's see how things went before she
intervened.

[Chibi-Ukyou is running after a yatai being pulled by
Genma. Remarkably, she's starting to catch up with it.]

Chibi-Ranma: [waves] Bye-bye, Ucchan!

Chibi-Ukyou: Ranchan, you JACKASS! TAKE ME WITH YOU!

Chibi-Ranma: What's a jackass?

Chibi-Ukyou: [gives a mighty leap into the back of the
vehicle, lands on Ranma's head] I...I made it!

Chibi-Ranma: [wiggles out from under her] Geez, that
hurt, Ucchan.

Chibi-Ukyou: [gives a great sigh of relief] I'm sorry,
Ranchan.

Chibi-Ranma: Why'd you wanna come with us, anyway?

Chibi-Ukyou: 'Cause I want to marry you!

Chibi-Ranma: [blinks] But you're a boy.

Chibi-Ukyou: I'm a girl!

Chibi-Ranma: [instinctively] Aaah! Cooties! [shoves her
off in a panic]

Chibi-Ukyou: RANMA, YOU'LL PAY!!!!! [There is a fire of
rage in her eyes]

[The sound of pages flipping can be heard. The scene is
now the Tendo Dojo. Ranma and Akane are both practicing.
Nabiki runs in, panicked]

Nabiki: Ranma...your father...he... [shudders]

Ranma: [rolls his eyes] What's he done this time?
Robbed a supermarket?

Nabiki: He's dead.

[Ranma and Akane boggle]

Nabiki: Some maniac with a giant spatula killed him.
And now he's after you.

Ranma: ...

Sato: [voiceover] Well, now I can see why that goddess
interfered...looks like Megami didn't look at this too
carefully. Let's see exactly what she did...

[The sound of many pages flipping can be heard. Reality
warps and becomes a small grassy backyard, surrounded
by walls behind a two story townhouse. There is a swing
set. Chibi-Ukyou and Chibi-Ranma are both swinging on
it]

Chibi-Ranma: I bet I can go highest!

Chibi-Ukyou: I'm the greatest swinger of all!

[They both pump themselves harder and harder, pushing
off the ground. Finally, Chibi-Ranma goes so high he
flies off the swing set and over the wall]

Chibi-Ranma: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!

[There is a splashing sound and the sound of someone
shouting]

Sato: [voiceover] Hmm. This is at the same time as
when the Yatai incident should have happened...maybe she
intervened earlier. Somehow. Although how she could
change history...

[pages flip. We now see Genma and Chibi-Ranma both
kneeling before Nodoka]

Genma: I must take him on a long training trip. We may
be gone for years.

Nodoka: [flatly] Forget it.

Genma: But...I must! If you are around while I train him,
you won't let me...

Nodoka: [angrily] Do incredibly stupid things like
throwing him in a pit of cats and selling him for food. Or
freezing his tongue to a flagpole for three days as a
punishment.

Genma: I would never freeze anyone's tongue to a
flagpole! [shudders] That was Dad's favorite punishment,
and I always hated it.

Nodoka: A goddess warned me about this.

Sato: [voiceover] Ahah!

Nodoka: And don't try that stupid 'I promise to kill
myself if I fail to make a man of him'. Frankly, I don't
think you'd keep that promise and... [sighs] I don't want
you to kill yourself. Shape up or ship out, maybe, but not
die.

Genma: But if I don't do this...

Nodoka: And if you try to sneak off with him, I'll send
detectives to find you and have you locked up. And I'll
make sure you NEVER see him again. And that's that.
[folds her arms under her breasts and stares at him]

Genma: But Ranma wants to learn martial arts, right,
Ranma?

Chibi-Ranma: This is boring. Can I go watch cartoons?

[Genma winces, Nodoka laughs]

Nodoka: [pats Chibi-Ranma's head] Go ahead, dear. Your
father and I will finish this in private.

[Chibi-Ranma runs off]

Genma: He'll never be a great martial artist if I don't do
this!

Nodoka: There are other ways to achieve greatness. And
you can train him here as well as anywhere else.

Genma: [fumes] It's a family tradition.

Nodoka: So was theft and you've given that up. [frowns
at him] Right?

Genma: Right. [thinking] I'd best 'return' that present I
got for her for our anniversary before anyone notices it's
gone, then and find something I can afford...but she would
have liked it so much. [sighs]

Sato: [voice over] Now to check a few other things.

* * *

[There is a knock on the door of Sato's apartment]

Megami #6: Help! SAVE US!

[The door opens slowly and Hitomi looks in hesitantly]

Hitomi: Sato, what's all this... [stares in shock]

Moon-child Megami: You've got to help us! Sato
accidentally banished himself to our dimension and
trapped us all in this circle in the process!

Hitomi: Ack. [walks over] I was going to see if I could
borrow some sugar...Anything I can do to help?

Moon-child Megami: Just walk across the circle and pull
me out. That will break the spell.

Hitomi: [nods] Right. Here I come.

* * *

[We see Sato rising out of the pool from episode 19 in the
forest]

Sato: [shakes himself dry] Now I have the proof I need.

Megami #3: And we have the freedom WE need.

[Sato is surrounded by all the Megamis.]

Sato: [mumbles] And people complain about women
chasing after me. They should try it themselves.

[The beatings immediately commence]

* * *

[Back at Amazon Cafe #1]

Ukyou: So what do you think, Shampoo?

Shampoo: I think you should go home and make love to
your husband until you pass out.

Ukyou: ...

Shampoo: I think someone's been playing with your mind.

Ukyou: What?

Shampoo: Can you prove this 'other history' ever
happened? No one remembers it but you. Maybe
someone's been playing with your head.

Ukyou: But...Sato remembers.

Shampoo: [shrugs] Sato would have made a good Amazon
if he was a woman. Once he makes up his mind, he'll do
anything to make what he thinks needs to happen, happen.
Maybe he's trying to change the timeline for some reason,
and he needs to trick you into helping him by putting
these fake memories in your head.

Ukyou: ...

Shampoo: There's an old Amazon technique for using
shampoos to fiddle with people's memories.

Ukyou: [thinking hard] Is she right? Maybe I am
remembering things that never happened. Maybe he is
trying to trick me. But...it seems so real. And why
wouldn't he make me WANT to help him? If he could
change my memories, surely he could do that.

Shampoo: Come by tonight, and I'll give you a checkup to
see if someone did that to you. I've still got some of the
stuff; I can try to fix your memories if there is a
problem.

Ukyou: Thanks, Shampoo.

Shampoo: Hey, that's what friends are for.

Ukyou: [thinking] Maybe she's right. I mean...no one
seems to really want me to change things back except for
Sato, but...Maybe he did tamper with my memories. Maybe
this is the way things are supposed to be.

* * *

[We see Sato's room. Now Sato is inside the pentagram,
while Moon-child Megami sits inside the hexagram. Two
other Megamis are guarding the door, another one is
trying to get the baby Megami to stop crying, and the rest
are scattered around Sato's room]

Sato: Stop! You're not allowed to go around turning
Mortals into potatoes!

Moon-child Megami: Unless you attack us first.

Sato: [angrily] I'm trying to restore the balance of the
universe!

Moon-child Megami: You're just mad because there aren't
any flocks of women following you around any more!

Sato: [blinks] I hadn't noticed. [looks around the room]
Although...

Megami #12: I'm just here to beat you up for kidnapping
me. I couldn't care less what the kid does to the
universe. As long as nothing happens to Ghana.

Sato: It's part of the Ashanti Empire now.

Megami #12: [turns to Moon-child Megami] WHAT HAVE
YOU DONE?

Moon-child Megami: What good is a nation without an
emperor? Besides, I changed things so the Europeans
never colonized Africa.

Sato: Because the Chinese and Japanese took over first.

Moon-child Megami: [looks nervous] Well, I was just
trying to keep the Europeans from trampling China under
their feet for a century and things kinda got out of hand...

[We see several of the Megamis zone out briefly, then
snap back in]

Megami #2: The Beatles! You ERASED THE BEATLES FROM
HISTORY!

Moon-child Megami: Well, I was just trying to keep John
Lennon from being shot and...

Megami #5: Now we have to fix EVERYTHING!

Megami #7: I can think of a few improvements while I'm
at it...

Moon-child Megami: No, wait!

[All the Megamis vanish except for the baby, who starts
howling, and the Moon Child]

Sato: Nice job, Megami.

Moon-child Megami: I was just trying to help!

Sato: Let me out of this! We have to stop them!

Moon-child Megami: You stay. I'll deal with this.

[She vanishes in a spray of light]

Sato: [to the baby] I don't suppose you're smarter than
you look?

Baby Megami: [crawls over to Sato's futon, which is
rolled up against the wall, and drools on it, trying to
climb on top] Goo goo, gaga.

Sato: Just not my day.

* * *

[We see Ranma sitting on the steps of a classroom
building, poring over a play script]

Ranma: [reciting] I can't pay the rent! [pauses] You must
pay the rent! [puts it down] Good thing Lardy doesn't
need an A in this play writing class to stay at this
school...this thing's ludicrous!

Lardy: [bounces a script off his head from the top of the
steps] Oh, like this TRASH you wrote is any better,
Saotome. [recites from memory] Oh, Maran! You are so
much handsomer and smarter than that drunken chinese
lout! Yes, I will marry you! [returns to a normal tone of
voice] At least I didn't make my play a paean to how cool I
am!

Ranma: Because you would have been lying. I'll give you
credit for honesty.

Lardy: I'll show you HONESTY! [a brawl is soon in
progress]

* * *

[Ukyou is walking across campus, wrapped in her own
thoughts. The sight of Lardy and Ranma brawling around
a fountain catches her attention. Lardy is pressing
Ranma hard, but since they're on a circular fountain edge,
they just keep going round in circles]

Ukyou: [running over] Why are you two fighting?

Ranma: Because he's an idiot!

Lardy: Because he called me a DRUNKEN LOUT! [starts to
stagger after stepping on a wet patch. Ranma grabs his
hand to keep him from going in and Lardy pivots on one
foot, tossing Ranma into the fountain] And now she's all
washed up. Just shows I'm better than you.

Ranma-chan: [pops out of the fountain] You ARE NOT!
[she pulls Lardy in, and soon they are fighting inside the
fountain]

Ukyou: [watching them, thinking] Ranchan must be going
easy on him; she's not fighting very well.

[There is a flash of light, and suddenly, Ranma-chan is
dressed in an Elvis outfit. So is Lardy. In fact, so is
everyone Ukyou can see except herself.]

Ukyou: ...

Ranma-chan: Time to use my blue suede shoes on you!

[She holds her breath, does a handstand, grabs Lardy's head
with her feet, then flips back to a standing position,
slamming Lardy over her head into the water, face first,
then jumps out of the water onto the rim of the fountain]

Ranma-chan: Jerk.

Lardy: You're gonna be nothing but a hound dog by the time
I finish with...

[Ukyou puts her foot in his face. He falls back into the water]

Lardy: Urk.

Ukyou: [to Ranma-chan] Um, Ranchan...

Ranma-chan: Yeah, Ucchan?

Ukyou: Why are you dressed like that?

Ranma-chan: It's Worship Elvis Month. You should be
dressed up or the King might smite you.

Ukyou: ...

[There is another flash of light, and everything seems to
have returned to normal]

Ranma-chan: Let's go home and get me some hot water,
Ucchan.

Ukyou: Uh...okay. [thinking] Worship ELVIS?

* * *

[They reach Maison Sabaku. The landlady is leading most
of the tenants in a performance of 'Crazy Train' on the
front lawn. They are dressed as if they were members of
KISS, and many of the surrounding houses have similar
bands playing]

Ukyou: ...

Ranma-chan: [laughs] I can't believe Hitomi talked Toshi
into joining the band, eh?

Ukyou: [thinking] All right. This is getting out of hand.

[As they walk down the sidewalk towards the house, it
changes three times. First it becomes a mausoleum. Then
a traditional Japanese temple. Then a huge clown head.
And then back to normal. Okay, four times.]

Ukyou: Ranchan.

Ranma-chan: [her hand on the doorknob] Hmm, what?

Ukyou: Have you seen any of this?

Ranma-chan: [blinks] This?

Ukyou: [frowns] I'll be up in a little while. I have to talk
to Sato.

Ranma-chan: Okay. [runs in and heads upstairs]

Ukyou: [walks over and knocks on Sato's door] Yo, Sato!

Sato: [frantic] Come in!

[She walks in. The room is a disaster zone. Sato is
clutching the baby Megami goddess desperately as she
tries to get loose, reaching for a statue of Buddha
standing next to a mess of gum and wax covered papers
and a fallen, now snuffed candle]

Ukyou: ...

Sato: Do you know ANYTHING about babies?

Ukyou: She didn't turn into a baby again, did she?

Sato: [laughs nervously] My effort to solve this problem
didn't quite...go right.

[The building is suddenly decorated with psychedelic
wallpaper]

Ukyou: You could say that.

Sato: I tried to summon Megami and get her to fix
everything, but I bit off more than I could chew.

Ukyou: So how do we fix this?

Sato: I could try summoning them all again, but I think
that would be unwise. [sighs] Coercing deities is
dangerous.

Ukyou: [thinks a moment] MEGAMI!!!!

[There is a flash of light and Moon Child Megami appears]

MC Megami: [nervously] Uh, hi, Mom.

[There is a flash of light and all the walls are now
aquariums with fish swimming in them]

Ukyou: WHAT is going on here?

MC Megami: Everyone's out of control! All these crazy
goddesses running everywhere, changing everything they
don't like. One of them is obsessed with the seventies!
[shudders] I keep trying to fix everything, but I'm
wearing myself out! And now I'm starting to forget what
things SHOULD be like, I'm having to fix so many things.
Michael Jackson is supposed to be on Mount Rushmore,
right?

Sato: Probably. Americans are insane.

Ukyou: Never heard of it. Just don't put him on Fuji.

MC Megami: [takes a deep breath] Maybe I shouldn't have
meddled.

Ukyou: [thinks] Did you actually change history, or are
you just changing the current state of affairs?

MC Megami: Well, you can only sorta change history.

Sato: What?

MC Megami: You see, you can't change what really
happened. But you can change the history of it.

Ukyou: And Black is White?

Sato: And Slavery is Freedom.

MC Megami: No, no. We change the present. But that
includes changing people's memories of the past and the
records. So, it's like the past was changed, since no
one remembers what really happened except for the
goddess who changed it.

Ukyou: So the reason I remember everything is that you
didn't change my memories. Just everyone else.

MC Megami: [nods] If you had a time machine, you'd see
yourself going to Furinkan. But if you looked at your
yearbook, it would say 'Tomobiki'. We don't have to
change memories when we change reality. But usually it
changes everyone's memories. The problem, though, is
that reality likes to be a seamless web. So if you
changed the remembered past, it ripples out to all the
other people touched by that past event and changes their
memories. And things about them. And...

[The walls turn back to normal, but are now covered by
girlie posters. Sato's eyes widen]

Ukyou: And when lots of goddesses make changes that
aren't compatible...

MC Megami: It makes a mess.

Ukyou: [thinking] If you make a change, could the ripple
effect goddesses?

MC Megami: Yeah. Possibly. We usually can't change each
other, but there are loopholes.

Sato: Could you make it so you never meddled originally?
Then I would never have summoned the goddesses and we
wouldn't be in this fix.

MC Megami: [sighs] I just...I just wanted to help Mom.

Ukyou: [hugs Megami] I know. But just this once, Sato is
right. Goddesses shouldn't run around changing reality.
Even if... [stares at the ground] I never even got to kiss
him.

MC Megami: But I thought you...

Ukyou: I was afraid...I thought it would all go poof.

Sato: [quietly] We can wait a few minutes. Best you do
this with no regrets. You won't have this chance again.

Ukyou: If I kiss him...I won't want to stop.

MC Megami: Maybe I should just undo you summoning us.
Then Ukyou can keep Ranma.

Ukyou: I don't think that would work. Soon or later, Sato
would do something stupid and...

Sato: HEY!

MC Megami: Don't you deserve happiness, Mom? You only
lost your chance because of that meddling goddess!

Ukyou: [quietly] Mousse is dead.

MC Megami: He...He's dead?

Ukyou: He was a complete lunatic sometimes, but he was
my friend and now he's dead. [sighs] I doubt what we
had was the best of all worlds before you intervened,
but...I'll feel like it was my fault he died if we don't
fix this.

MC Megami: I can make you forget!

Ukyou: [looks quietly at Megami for a while, then says]
But you'll know.

MC Megami: [her face falls] But...but...I didn't mean to
hurt anyone!

Sato: This is why deities aren't supposed to meddle too
much. Not by just directly changing everything, anyway.

[the baby Megami throws up on him]

Sato: [winces] Although I wouldn't mind if you got rid of
this mess.

MC Megami: I'm trying, but the baby is exerting her will
to keep the vomit there.

Sato: [eyes narrow] You're lying.

MC Megami: [shrugs] She is a goddess, you know. Maybe it's
how she blesses people.

Sato: ...

Ukyou: I'm ready, Megami. Zap it all.

MC Megami: [frowns] This may cause a time paradox,
though...How can I stop myself from meddling by
preventing the action that causes me to take action to
prevent the action that...

Ukyou: [frowns] Get another goddess to do it?

Sato: [looks down at the baby] I don't suppose you can
fix this?

Baby-Megami: [pokes his nose] Da da!

Sato: ...

Ukyou: HEY, ANY HANDY GODDESSES LISTENING IN WHO
CAN FIX THIS?

[Soft music begins to play, and the room is filled with a warm white glow
of light. The ceiling vanishes as if it had never existed, and slowly, a
woman begins to descend from the heavens above. Then, suddenly, she
plummets at high speed, landing on Sato and knocking him flat. It is Kuan
Yin]

Monk #5: [from far above] Sorry about that! The rope broke!

Kuan Yin: [mutters to herself] I need to get some new monks. [stands,
dusts herself off, helps Sato up, then smiles and bows to everyone]
Yes, I can fix this, if Megami allows me to. Since it will alter her
actions, I need her consent. I am Kuan Yin.

Megami: [sighs] Go for it.

Ukyou: Wait...how will you not...

Kuan Yin: Since the past won't really be changed, I will
simply not change my own memories or condition. Would
the two of you rather remember or forget this?

Sato: Remember.

Ukyou: [thinks hard] Remember. I don't suppose I could
get just one...

Kuan Yin: Would it be worth it, knowing it would never
come again?

Ukyou: [thinks] Yes.

Kuan Yin: The...what?

Ukyou: I'm giving up my dream life. Just one kiss seems
a small price to pay. [frowns at Sato] And if you give me
a lecture...

Sato: Do what you must.

* * *

[We see Ranma coming down the stairs. Ukyou is at the
foot of the stairs]

Ranma: I was gonna come look for you. I thought you
died.

Ukyou: [laughs] Not yet. [bounds up the stairs to him,
then hesitates, just in front of him] Ranchan, do you
mind if we...

Ranma: We...?

Ukyou: [takes a deep breath] Kiss me, Ranchan.

Ranma: [blinks] Okay. [sweeps Ukyou into his arms and
kisses her so hard she feels like he's going to suck out
her soul]

Ukyou: [thinking] I love you, Ranchan. I hope Akane understands
what she has.

Ranma: [finally breaks off the kiss, then grins] Should I
cancel my classes for the rest of the afternoon?

Ukyou: [thinks] I should say no. We have to change
reality now. [speaking] Good idea, Ranchan. [thinking]
What am I doing? No...he's Akane's husband. He's...Ranma.
[follows him towards their apartment, thinking] Maybe
we'll have time for this before they change reality.

[As they step through the door, there is a flash, and the
apartment is restored to true normality. Akane is sitting
on the floor, reading a script] I can't pay the rent!
[pauses] You must pay the rent! [puts it down] Good
thing Lardy doesn't need an A in this play writing class
to stay at this school...this thing's ludicrous! [shakes her
head] What was I thinking? I don't even need this stupid
class anyway...I'm going to be in plays, not act in
them...oh, hi, Ranma. Hi, Ukyou. What brings you here?

Ukyou: [starts and looks at everything, then tries to not
cry] N...Uh...

Ranma: Ucchan invited us to go out to eat with her and
Makiko. [glances over at Ukyou] Are you okay?

Ukyou: Just...something in my eye, Ranchan. Something in
my eye.

* * *

[Back in Sato's room. There is a circle floating in the air
through which Megami, Sato, and Kuan Yin are watching
the events described above]

Sato: That was cruel! Cutting it off right as...

Kuan Yin: I had to give her the chance to resist the
temptation. And she asked to remember it all. It is not
my fault if she failed to resist the temptation. [sighs]
I would rather have spared her the pain. Best if she had
forgotten all this.

Megami: Forgotten all of what?

Kuan Yin: Nothing, child. You should go home.

Megami: Umm...okay. [vanishes]

Sato: [pleadingly] Please tell me you'll take the...[looks
around. His room is back to normal and the baby is gone]
Whew. No more baby.

Kuan Yin: Now. We're going to discuss your punishment
for imprisoning thirteen goddesses and trying to extort
things from them.

Sato: I was just trying to fix reality!

Kuan Yin: There are good ways to do things and bad
things. Would you prefer I judge you or that I hand you
over to them for judgment?

Sato: But reality was changed. I never...

Kuan Yin: They only FORGOT what you did. Would you like
me to remind them?

Sato: If I hadn't taken action, this would NEVER have
been fixed!

Kuan Yin: You still took the wrong approach. Let's see...

Sato: You're supposed to be the goddess of Mercy!

Kuan Yin: I'm being merciful to those you may harm in the
future with your blundering. You have much to learn about
dealing with both humans and spirits, Sato.

Sato: ...

Kuan Yin: You will learn of your punishment soon enough.
[thinking] Once I think of one...I'm really not good at this.

* * *

[Ukyou and Makiko are back home, getting ready for bed]

Makiko: You okay? You've been acting kinda weird today.

Ukyou: I think I need to date someone.

Makiko: [blinks] What? I thought you were dating Mousse. Or had gone
on a date with him, anyway. Or something.

Ukyou: I mean, like...try dating a couple of guys, just for fun. Well,
not ruling out getting serious, but I just...I dunno what I mean.

Makiko: Uh...okay. Got your eye on anyone in particular?

Ukyou: Not yet. I doubt I'll be serious with another guy for a while,
but I think I need to just...practice.

Makiko: Practice dating?

Ukyou: It's the only way to get good at anything. [plops down on her
bed] At least now I know how good a kisser he is.

Makiko: You kissed someone?

Ukyou: It was just a dream. A dream come true for a little while, but
just a dream. Now it's time to make some other dreams come true.

Makiko: Do they teach all literature majors to be vague?

Ukyou: [laughs] I'm still learning. So when are you and Lardy going to
get serious?

Makiko: I am NOT dating Lardy!

Ukyou: Uh huh.

Makiko: He is kinda cute, but...you won't trap me like that!

Ukyou: [giggles] It is you who has said it.

Makiko: [finishes picking out some pajamas] Now to put these on.

Ukyou: I'm sure Lardy would like to see you in them.

Makiko: ...

Ukyou: [giggles more] Want me to call him?

Makiko: [hands on hips] WHAT has gotten into you?

Ukyou: I've been doing some thinking about what island I'm swimming to.

Makiko: What?

Ukyou: Well, I ran off like a chicken with my head cut off after I had to
give up on Ranma, and lately, I've been kinda drifting, and now I need to
think about what precisely I want to do with my life. Do I wanna teach or
go back into business or maybe learn programming like you or what? The
only thing I know for sure is that it's time to start dating so I don't
just sit around and wait for some guy to just drop into my lap. Although
I don't have any prospects yet, but...

Makiko: Well, I know some guys who are looking for a good woman. How
about if I hook you up with one of them?

Ukyou: Sure. [pauses] I wonder if I have any homework.

Makiko: I haven't got a clue. [shrugs, then bolts to her feet] Ack!
I've got to send Wanda an email!

Ukyou: Wanda?

Makiko: One of my internet friends. [bolts to her computer] See you in
the morning, Ukyou.

Ukyou: [climbs into bed] Goodnight.

[Ukyou drops off to sleep to the clickety clack of fingers striking a
keyboard]

* * *

[We see Sato lying sprawled out on his bed, exhausted. His room is shiny
clean, although various cleaning utensils are all over the place]

Sato: I hate cleaning.

Voice: [from under him] Mrsphre!

Sato: [sits up and blinks, looking down at his sheets] I didn't lie down
on...no, couldn't be anyone there.

Voice: [faintly] Don't lie down on me, you idiot!

Sato: [stares at his shadow] Since when did you talk?

Voice: It's me, Yutaga. That idiot goddess bound me into your shadow!
She's punishing ME for your crimes!

Sato: ...

Yutaga: I'm innocent! I deserve better! You should have been put in MY
shadow!

Sato: So, if I turn out the light, you'll cease to exist?

Yutaga: Don't even TRY it.

Sato: What, you expect me to never go anywhere dark ever again?

Yutaga: I'm not taking any chances.

Sato: [frowns] And how am I supposed to sleep?

Yutaga: Standing up in the middle of a fully-lit room. I'm not gonna let
you sleep on me.

Sato: [gets off the bed and heads for the light switch] Let's see you
stop me.

[Fade to black to the sound of things breaking]

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finis.
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I've seen wonders
As I move through time
More power and magic
Than I thought would be mine

Looking back at yesterdays
Things we used to know
A wasted chance and lonely days
Time moves on, people come and go

Is it my destiny
How am I to know?
Waiting for a miracle while
Searching my soul

A second chance
A dream come true
I'll learn to love again
When I stand by you

So I'm on my way
The journey's just begun
I'm gonna keep all the memories
But never forget the one

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Written by John Walter Biles, David Tai, Paul Gallegos, and Jeff Hosmer

Artwork by Alexandra Teixeira

Special Thanks to Tucson Animation Screening Society (TASS) and of course
Rumiko Takahashi

Copyright (c) 1999 Digital Knight Communications.

"Ranma 1/2" and its characters are Copyright (c) 1999
Viz Communications, Inc., Shogakukan, Kitty Animation, and Rumiko Takahashi.

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