[Ranma][FanFic] The Adventures of Lost Girl, Darth Mousse, and Some Asshole, Part 1
Hunter Kid
swimming across the East China Sea would have made a nice capstone of
absurdity for three absurd lives, but as it happened, the luxury
cruise ship _Mermaid's Dream_ was seeking waiters for its onboard
four-star restaurant. Ranma was ideally suited to the job - female,
when the situation required it, strikingly pretty, and possessed of a
magnetic charisma that assured her excellent tips - and Mousse had
long experience on his side. Ryoga was ideally _un_suited to the job,
given his propensity to get lost walking from one table to another and
complete inability to finish a sentence in front of a female customer.
They disembarked at Shanghai, thanking their manager gleefully, who
cursed them all roundly for walking out on their agreed
three-month-minimum employment contract, and made their way slowly
inland.
You hear about China's big cities a lot in the news, Beijing and
Shanghai and the like, but you never hear anything about the
ridiculously huge landmass to the west of the highly populated eastern
lowlands. There's not a lot there that would interest the modern
world, really - mostly just farm after farm after farm, and after so
many hundreds of miles of that, there isn't a whole lot of anything.
After hundreds more miles of a whole lot of nothing in particular,
there's the Qinghai province, endless mountain ranges, ruggedly
beautiful and wild. And smack in the middle of nowhere, there it is.
You can only travel by train so far west, before civilization runs dry
and all you've got are your own legs. So the unlikely trio covered
the first leg of the journey west very rapidly, and the second, the
ascent into the mountains, with agonizing slowness. Mousse knew the
way, though, and week after week they followed his lead, until one
clear, cold morning, they found it.
Ranma stared across the narrow valley, and said it first:
"Jusenkyo..."
Ryoga grinned. "Sort of feels like coming home at last, eh, Ranma?"
The pools appeared to have returned to their normal state, after
having been flooded during their last, ill-fated visit to this place.
They were still and tranquil in the early morning; beautiful, really.
Would have made a fantastic postcard.
The Guide ran out to them hastily, pulling his red-star Chairman Mao
hat on as he called out something in Chinese.
Ranma, who could not speak a word of Chinese, looked on curiously as
Ryoga, who spoke bits and pieces of Chinese, took on a vague
expression of dismay, while Mousse, who was of course fluent, looked
like he was trying very hard not to cry.
Not a good sign.
"Hi," the Guide greeted him cheerfully. "I remember you, sir. You
and your father came here, didn't speak any Chinese at all, got
yourselves cursed, then ran off before I could tell you how to cure
yourselves."
"Eh...yeah, that's right," Ranma said, looking with some concern at
the completely devastated forms of his two companions. The Guide's
Japanese seemed to have improved remarkably since his last visit.
Steeling himself, he asked: "So...bad news, huh?"
"Yes, some bad news, I'm afraid, sir," the Guide replied, with that
odd heaviness in his voice that, combined with the sobbing, cursing
figures of Ryoga and Mousse, somehow told Ranma that he probably
wasn't getting cured today after all. "The springs only look like
they're back to normal. They're still all mixed up from the battle
that _you_ conducted here." He seemed sort of offended. "Tourism has
basically stopped, now. Not that many tourists ever came here, as we
are located smack in the middle of East Bumblefuck, China, but our
last visitor who came jumped in the Spring of Drowned Tiger and came
out with a tiger's legs, a walrus's head, and the body of a giant
earthworm. Talk about bad press." He sighed. "Well, I couldn't cure
him and I can't cure you, so don't ask. There's a few different kinds
of the original spring water we had set aside, and Spring of Drowned
Man was, I am sorry to say, not among them."
Ranma thought about that for a minute, then joined in the sobbing and
cursing.
-*-
The Guide did, as a sort of consolation prize, invite them into his
hut for dinner. The three of them sat with their heads down on the
table, completely drained.
"Life is so unfair," Ryoga moaned, going through alternating spasms of
fury and despair. He clenched his fist. "Cursed to turn into a _pig_
for the rest of my life! AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!!!" he snarled, shaking
with hatred. "You guys don't have it half so bad as me! A duck, a
girl? Feh! How gladly would I take either of your 'curses!'"
"You know, sirs," the Guide interjected, probably, more than anything
else, attempting to diffuse Ryoga's tantrum, "we do have both Spring
of Drowned Duck and Spring of Drowned Girl water in casks. A lot of
it, actually. The Amazon tribe gets us to send them a cask of Drowned
Girl water every year, for the fools from their village who used to
train here and get cursed on accident. And the local villagers like
to dunk ants and roaches and other things in the Spring of Drowned
Duck, so we send them shipments every year. They say it tastes just
like regular duck. This is going to be the last year they're going
out, of course, but they're still here for now. We've got stores of
pretty much anything that makes edible meat, actually. Spring of
Drowned Cow, Water Buffalo, Pig, Dog, you name it..."
"Dog?" Ranma repeated, with some distaste.
Mousse considered that. "What else do you have set aside?"
The Guide shrugged. "Not much, sir, I'm sorry to say. Some
government scientists wanted some samples of some of the
personality-modifying springs, so I've got a couple of those. Spring
of Drowned Asshole, which actually wasn't a very tragic story, because
I understand he deserved it, Spring of Drowned Valley Girl, ditto,
Spring of Drowned Japanese Tomboy..." He saw the three of them
staring at him intently, then added, "The only male spring water we
have is the Asshole water, in case you were wondering..."
Ryoga smiled at Ranma. "Hey, you're an asshole anyway. Perfect
choice."
"What-!"
The Guide rooted through a side room for a moment, then pulled out a
large thermos. "Hmm, well, if you want, this is all the Asshole water
I've got left." He tossed the thermos to Ranma. "Help yourself. For
what it's worth, I understand that this water takes your current level
of Assholeness and multiplies it by a factor of approximately 10,000."
Ranma looked at it. "Well...it probably _would_ be better than
turning into a girl..."
Ryoga and Mousse exchanged looks. Ryoga considered the idea of having
his personality warped to be even more disturbing, if that was
possible, than changing into a pig.
"Oh! You know what," the Guide said, pulling out another thermos. "I
forgot all about this. I had this life-sized Darth Vader poster, sunk
into one of the pools a couple of years back. Very tragic story. One
of our honored guests fall into the pool last year, became convinced
he was Darth Vader and tried to destroy me." He tossed the thermos to
Mousse, who was looking at it with mixture of shock and fear.
"Spring of Drowned...Life-Size Darth Vader Poster?" Mousse murmured,
awed. "How would that even work?"
The Guide shrugged. "No idea, sir. So, feel free to use any of the
water you want. If you'd like to change your curse, this is probably
going to be your last chance to do it."
-*-
They were about ten miles from Jusenkyo when it started raining.
"Shit," said a pretty girl with a bandanna in her hair.
"I find your foul language disturbing," rumbled James Earl Jones's
voice. Darth Mousse clenched his fist and glowered malevolently at
the girl. "Do not make me destroy you, princess."
"Man, fuck this fucking stupid ass shit," whined some asshole.
"Goddammit. I gotta walk all the way back to fucking Japan with you
two fucking idiots. All fucking raining and shit. Goddammit!!"
-*-
RANDOM FANDOM is proud to present:
THE ADVENTURES OF LOST GIRL, DARTH MOUSSE, AND SOME ASSHOLE
(a Ranma 1/2 fanfic)
by
George Masologites
-*-
Part 1: "It Seemed Like a Good Idea At the Time"
They did, at some length, eventually make it back to Nerima. The
three of them had intended to go to Ucchan's to celebrate their return
and moderately-less-miserable situations with some (hopefully free)
okonomiyaki, but, unfortunately, as they strode down a street less
than a block away from Ukyou's shop, it began to rain.
This worked against them in several ways. First and foremost,
however, was that Ranma the Asshole was always actively working
against whatever goal they had been seeking, and Darth Mousse was
primarily interested in converting people to the Dark Side, which left
Ryoga to lead the trio around, and, sadly, being female did not
improve Ryoga's sense of direction.
So, within short order, they got lost. Shampoo, bravely armed with
only an umbrella, found them.
"Ranma!" she greeted him happily. "I look all over for you! Where
you been for past eight months?"
"Shampoo-" Ryoga tried to interject, weakly, knowing her attempt avert
catastrophe would be in vain.
"Hey, what's up, hot stuff," Ranma the Asshole drawled, sidling up to
Shampoo with a sleazy grin. "What do you say we ditch these two
losers and head on back to my place..."
"It is _you_ who I have searched for all this time," Darth Mousse
declared, his face a mask of evil fury. He thrust a finger in her
direction. "Shampoo! The time has come for you to embrace the _Dark
Side_ of the Force!"
"Ignore them," Ryoga suggested helpfully. Everyone ignored her,
instead. "They're, uh, drunk. As usual."
"Ranma!" Shampoo gushed. "You want be with Shampoo, yes, is true?"
Ranma smirked as he took a long, long look at Shampoo's entire body.
It was one of those ridiculously blatant
stare-at-you-up-and-down-and-up-and-down looks that only a true
asshole would dare attempt. Shampoo, of course, was completely
thrilled by it. "Ohhh yeah," Ranma said, grinning toothily.
Darth Mousse scowled at them. "Do not make me destroy you, you
foolish asshole," he grated evilly, clenching his fists. "Remove
yourself from the woman. This one is _mine_."
Ranma just laughed. Mousse removed a gatling gun from his robes.
"I'll mow you down like you were not even there," he rumbled. Evilly.
Ryoga sighed, walked up behind the posturing Darth Mousse and kicked
him under a nearby overhang, where his head slammed into a wall,
promptly knocking him out, then threw an open thermos of hot water
after him.
Ranma glowered at her. "Stay the fuck away from me, lost girl! I'm
fixin' to get some, and you better not fuckin' interfere-" Another
open thermos hit him in the head, drenching him with scalding water.
"Yaaaah!" he looked down at himself in horror, and shuddered away from
Shampoo's adoring gaze. "I-I-I..."
And then the rain stopped.
Ranma fled in terror, with Shampoo hot on his heels.
Ryoga, now bereft of any hot water to change himself back, scooped up
the unconscious Mousse and stomped off in search of the elusive
Ucchan's.
-*-
Ukyou looked up. A customer walked in, which was unusual in itself
for the dead period between lunch and dinner. Also unusual was that
the customer had Mousse's unconscious form draped unceremoniously over
her shoulder. She dumped him into one of the booths. He sprawled,
half off of the seat, drooling on himself.
Well, that certainly was not going to be good for business.
The girl marched up to her and grinned. "Hello Ukyou!"
"Um...hi," she greeted the customer, uncertainly.
"It's me, Ryoga!" the girl announced.
Ukyou stared. "You're...wait...what?" Does...not...compute...
"Ryoga!" the girl affirmed cheerfully. She was obviously getting a
kick out of this. "Yeah, I'm a girl now."
They sat down, and Ryoga told the story, munching on some (hopefully
free) okonomiyaki. Ukyou poured hot water on her head and watched
with great interest as Ryoga's gender changed. When Ryoga was
finished explaining, Ukyou nodded sadly.
"So you guys are not cured," she said, sighing. "I'm sorry."
Ryoga shrugged. "Actually, I'm ok with it. Ranma was always whining
about his misery, but...you know compared to being a pig, I have to
admit, turning into a girl is not that bad."
"You turned into a pig before?" Ukyou asked curiously. Two couples
walked into the restaurant, but immediately left again when they saw
Mousse's unconscious figure, his head dangling off the edge of the
bench.
"Eh...yes." Ryoga sweated. "A pig. But! No longer." He coughed
nervously. "Anyway, so we decided beforehand that we would take
samples of some of the different spring waters that the Guide had, in
case we decided that we didn't like our current curses."
Ukyou raised an eyebrow. "So you're carrying cursed water around in
that backpack?"
"Yes. Not that much, though. Only about ten milliliters is required
to curse you, according to the Guide."
She looked at his backpack, her curiosity piqued. "So...what water
did you bring back?"
"Oh, let's see here..." He began to rummage through his oversized
travel backpack. "There weren't too many that seemed like they might
be useful, really. Mostly farm animals. Here's Spring of Drowned
Eagle. Might be interesting. Drowned Water Buffalo. Not too
promising. Um, here's Drowned Valley Girl, I don't know why we even
packed that." He rummaged around some more. "I thought we packed the
three we used on ourselves, but I can't seem to find them..." He
picked one vial out from the bottom of his pack and set it on the
counter. "Let's see, this is the one that didn't have a label, the
Guide said he thought it was Spring of Drowned Gangsta."
"Drowned Valley Girl? Drowned Gangsta?" Ukyou repeated. "How can
these possibly be real?"
Before Ryoga could respond, Ranma jogged in rapidly, sat down, and
grinned at Ukyou. "Hi Ucchan!" He kept on grinning, obviously
expecting free food to materialize in front of him.
"So, managed to lose her, Ranma?" Ryoga asked, mildly.
"Yeah, finally," Ranma responded, shuddering. "I'm not sure what I
said to her while I was an asshole...but...man. I'm startin' to
really question this whole asshole thing." He shot a sideways look at
Mousse's prone form. "I think we really ought to do something about
Darth Mousse there, too. He's really startin' t'get on my nerves."
Ukyou picked up the vial of Drowned Gangsta water at peered through
it. "Well, it sounds like you've got quite a selection here."
"Yeah, you want to try something different, Ranma?" Ryoga asked him,
rooting through his pack, which appeared to be filled almost
exclusively with empty hot-water thermoses. "You could try Drowned
Ox. Or Drowned Boar. Or Drowned Zealot. Not sure what that one is.
Guide said it wouldn't be what we expected, whatever that means.
Or..." He continued to root around.
Ranma shook his head. "Nah, I'm still thinkin' about it. We oughtta
do Mousse right now, though, while he's knocked out..."
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah."
Ukyou glared at them. "You guys! You can't make that kind of a
decision for him!"
Ranma looked at her solemnly. "Ukyou...if you had been through the
hell we've been through with this guy for the past six months, you
would understand." He began to look through Ryoga's pack. "Let's see
here..."
Mousse appeared behind him. "Ukyou...if you would be so kind, could I
have a glass of water?"
Ukyou handed him one, which he promptly dumped on himself.
"You see what I mean?" Ranma hissed.
Ryoga nodded, grinding his teeth together. "He _likes_ being Darth
Mousse. He tries to be Darth Mousse _all the time_."
Darth Mousse sat down at the counter and stared at Ukyou malevolently.
"Bring me a beer," he thundered. "IMMEDIATELY!!"
She sighed. "Mousse, you're sixteen. You know I can't serve you
beer."
Mousse stood up, in a black fury. "DO NOT TRIFLE WITH ME, WOMAN.
BRING ME A BEER IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL BE FORCED TO DESTROY YOU."
"Okay, I'm starting to see your point, Ranma," Ukyou conceded,
upending a cup of hot water on Mousse's head.
"No!" Mousse wailed. "Force...power...gone...!"
"Shaddap," Ranma growled, punching him roughly. He crashed into
Ryoga, who flailed his arms wildly to keep his balance. One of his
hands smacked Drowned Gangsta water cleanly off the counter. The vial
hit Ukyou in the forehead and shattered.
The three of them stared in horror. "Oh man...Ryoga, you idiot, you
just cursed Ucchan!" Ranma shouted, jumping out of his seat and
searching through Ryoga's pack. "Help me find the Drowned Girl
water!"
"It...it wasn't my fault!" Ryoga protested, putting his arms up in
front of him. "This idiot bumped into me! I-"
"Man..." said a voice that was recognizably Ukyou's, yet completely
different, "y'all need to quit arguin' and shit befo' I bust some
_caps_ up in here!"
Ryoga and Mousse just stared at her.
"Ryoga! Ryoga!" Ranma was sounding more and more alarmed. "I'm not
seeing the Drowned Girl water! Where _is it_, Ryoga??" He grabbed
hold of Ryoga's collar. "You _did_ remember to pack it, didn't you,
Ryoga?"
"What in the_hell_ kinda gay fuckin' clothes am I wearin' here, dogg?"
Ukyou demanded of nobody in particular. "Purple tights and a big-ass
_spatula_? Oh, _hell_ no!!"
Mousse hurriedly poured a cup of hot water on her head.
Ukyou swayed a bit, obviously unnerved. "Oh, man...that was weird..."
Ranma looked stricken. "Ryoga...the Drowned Girl water isn't here."
Ryoga growled at him. "How is that _my_ fault? You said _you_ put
the three waters we got cursed with in the pack!"
"No, I didn't, _you_ did!"
"You did!"
Ukyou sighed, irritated. "Okay, obviously neither of you did.
So...what do I do now?"
Ranma and Ryoga exchanged a look. "Well...ah..." Ranma swallowed
nervously.
She favored him with a level stare. "You had better not be telling me
that I will turn into a 'gangsta' for the rest of my life when
splashed with cold water because _you idiots_ forgot to pack the
Drowned Girl water."
"That is _precisely_ what they're telling you," Mousse said
clinically. Ukyou slammed him into the wall with her big-ass spatula.
"No no! No no!" Ranma said quickly, eyeing the spatula nervously.
Mousse peeled himself slowly off the wall. "Look! We've got this
great selection of curses you can choose from, Ucchan!"
Ryoga nodded. "Yes, yes! Look, you could be a...an ox! Or a boar!
Or an eagle! Or a...zealot!"
Ranma looked at the vial quizzically. "What _is_ a zealot, anyway?"
Ukyou growled and snatched the vial from his hands. "A zealot is
someone who's really passionate about something. That doesn't sound
that bad." She thought for a moment, then uncorked the vial and
empted it on herself.
For a second nothing happened.
"Uh...Ukyou, do you feel any differ..." Ranma began, as Ukyou suddenly
transformed into a nine-foot-tall vaguely humanoid monster with
glowing blue eyes, bluish-green-gold skin, and no nose or mouth
whatsoever. She was wearing a futuristic suit of faintly glowing
armor.
"MY LIFE FOR AIUR!" Ukyou roared, two-foot-long glowing blades
extending from the gauntlets of her armor. Since she had no mouth, it
was not clear exactly where her voice was emanating from, but they
noticed that her eyes seemed to glow more when she spoke.
Ranma stared. "Wha...what in the world..."
Ukyou shook her head, confused, and stared down at herself.
"Wow...sorry, guys." The nine-foot-tall alien monster looked faintly
ridiculous as it adopted an embarrassed posture. The glowing blades
disappeared. "I just got the weirdest urge to yell that all of a
sudden."
Three customers walked in, stopped, and stared.
"Welcome to Ucchan's!" Ukyou sort of bellowed. "Please, sit anywhere
you like!"
The customers fled in terror.
-*-
Akane wasn't exactly happy that Ranma had opted to visit Ucchan's
before returning to the Tendo household, but her curiosity overwhelmed
her anger.
"So," she said, faintly irritated, when Ranma returned later that
evening, "how have the last eight months been for you, Ranma?"
Ranma told her.
Akane couldn't help but laugh. "So you basically turn into yourself
when splashed with cold water, huh?" Ranma glared at her. "Why were
you guys gone for so long, anyway? I was really worried about you!
You should have let me come!"
"Well, you know, the trip there didn't take all that long. Couple of
months. But on the way back, it would rain sometimes, and we wouldn't
have any water with us, so me and Mousse would sort of lose it and
Ryoga would have to lead the three of us. And with his sense of
direction..."
"My sense of direction," Ryoga said calmly, sitting down next to
Ranma, "wouldn't have been a problem if you and Mousse did not insist
on having such idiotic curses."
Akane looked at him strangely. "Say, Ryoga, that's something I've
been meaning to ask you... I don't understand why you went with Ranma
and Mousse to Jusenkyo! Ranma just told me that you chose to be
cursed with the Spring of Drowned Girl..."
Ranma grinned at him. "Yeah, you pig, certainly baffled me, too. Care
to explain?"
Ryoga looked from Ranma to Akane nervously. "I...I...I had a...I had
to..." He licked his lips, then his arm started to shake in anger.
"Ranma..." he growled, his nervousness turning to fury. "You..."
"Ryoga, did you..." Akane continued to stare at him. "Don't tell me
you..."
Ryoga closed his eyes in anguish. No! No! She couldn't have found
out! Not now, not when he was finally able to move on with his life!
"...just wanted to be a girl?" she finshed.
Ryoga blinked. "I...uh..." He thought about that for a second. If
anything, this was an even more disastrous assumption for her to make!
Must...think of...excuse...!
Ukyou slipped in next to Ranma, to Akane's obvious annoyance. "No,
you said you had a curse before, didn't you, Ryoga?"
Akane raised her eyebrows. "Really, Ryoga? I didn't know you were
cursed before. What did you turn into?"
"I...I..." Ryoga stammered in agony, as his world shattered around
him. Suddenly a light dawned in his eyes. "I turned into an
asshole!"
Ranma put his hand over his eyes and groaned. Ukyou looked at him
strangely, but refrained from commenting on this obvious lie.
"Yes, an asshole! Just like Ranma does now!" He laughed nervously.
"Because...and...and that's why I was always trying to fight Ranma
before! Because I was in asshole form! Look how well me and Ranma
get along now that I'm normal again!"
Ranma stared at him flatly. "Oh yeah, we're regular pals, now that
Ryoga is cured of his _horrible curse_."
Akane giggled. "So, you picked up Ryoga's curse, and Ryoga picked up
yours? What does your girl side look like, Ryoga?"
Ranma threw a cup of water at him. "Like that."
"Ranma..." Ryoga growled at him in a suddenly higher-pitched voice.
She threw her own cup of water at Ranma. "Why are you such an
asshole?"
Akane nodded. "I see...you actually look a lot like Ranma used to."
"Feh!" Ryoga snorted, glaring at Ranma. "I'm vastly cuter."
Ranma chuckled. "You would be proud of that, wouldn't you, you
cross-dressing fuck," he mocked, smirking. "I should fucking beat
your candy ass down right now."
Ryoga scowled at him. "Don't tempt me, Ranma."
Ukyou sighed. "Man, you guys were not kidding about the asshole
thing."
Ranma stood up, still chuckling. "Bring it on, bitch," he sneered,
falling into a fighting stance.
"Feh." Ryoga faced him, a haugthy expression on her face. She
dropped her pack to the ground. "Your funeral."
"You guys..." Akane began to protest.
Ranma vanished, and Ryoga felt a series of unbelievably powerful
punches connect all up and down her back. She groaned, stumbled
forward, then whipped around, confused, looking for Ranma. He was
standing about six feet behind her, smirking.
Ryoga growled, "What on Earth..."
Akane gasped. "The White Snake Venom Reliable Fist! The technique
that Genma and Ranma said was so lethal that it had to be sealed up
forever and forgotten! I can't believe..." She pointed an accusatory
finger at Ranma's snickering form. "I can't believe you would use
that against _Ryoga_! What an _asshole_!"
Ranma laughed and made an obscene gesture. Once again he vanished,
and slammed a punishing volley of punches into Ryoga's unprotected
back. She collapsed to the ground, breathing hard.
She grunted in pain, pulling herself to her knees. _I can't lose to
Ranma like this!_ she thought, clenching her fists. _Akane is right
there, watching us, I can't lose to Ranma in front of Akane...!_ She
stared at Ranma, waited for him to assume the same stance again...
"SHISHI-"
Her fighting spirit burned in her chest, and she crossed her arms
before her. She roared. Ranma vanished.
"HOUKOUDAN!"
The kinetic blast took the invisible Ranma squarely in the chest and
sent him soaring backward, through a pitcher of ice-cold water, which
thoroughly drenched Akane and Ukyou. He did a half-somersault in
midair and slammed head-first into the wall, crashed to the ground,
then immediately bounced back to his feet and charged at Ryoga,
spewing obscenities.
"Stop fighting!" Akane shouted, pushing her soaked hair back from her
forehead. "Ranma! Ryoga! What is wrong with you two?"
"I LONG FOR BATTLE!" Ukyou the Zealot declared, glowing psi blades
descending with a soft hum from her gauntlets.
Akane stared. "U...Ukyou? What...?"
The nine-foot-tall armored monster leapt straight at Ryoga, moving so
fast that she didn't even have time to think before she was thoroughly
pummeled by her psi blades. Ukyou's eerily glowing eyes burned with
battle-lust as she picked up the weakly resisting human before her and
threw her across the yard like a rag doll. She landed on the table in
front of Akane, and spun to the side just quickly enough to avoid a
crushing axe kick from Ranma.
"Akane?" Ryoga said calmly, facing the asshole and the zealot from
hell, a thin trickle of blood running from her mouth. Akane looked
like she was sort of in shock. "Akane!"
Akane looked at her with a somewhat dazed expression.
"Reach into my pack. There's a few thermoses in there filled with hot
water. Hand me one."
Ukyou the Zealot stared at Ryoga for a moment, her eyes burning with
an implacable fury, then leapt at her.
Ranma grinned and crossed his arms in front of his chest. The air
shimmered in front of him. "MOKO TAKABISHA!"
He was aiming for Akane's arm, which was holding Ryoga's pack, but he
had just the wrong timing, so the kinetic blast crashed into Ukyou as
she flew through the air, sending her crashing into Ryoga, sending
them both crashing into Akane. All three of them went down in a
shouting pile of flailing limbs.
Ukyou pulled herself up, first. She was still in zealot form, but
seemed to have regained her senses. "Ran-chan..." Her eyes glowed
with anger. "You just attacked me, Ran-chan." She stared at him for
a moment, then brandished her psi blades. "I'm going to have to kill
you now, FOR ADUN-"
Ryoga pulled herself up, second, and emptied a thermos on Ukyou's
head.
Akane got up last, and giggled. "Like, ohmygawd!" she exclaimed to no
one in particular, flipping her hair ditzily. "Like, what's going
on?"
Ukyou ran a hand through her hair. "Ryoga...tell me again...why did
you guys think it would be a good idea to bring cursed water back from
China?"
Ryoga chuckled nervously. "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the
time..."
Ranma smiled at them maliciously, then attacked.
-*-
By the time they had subdued and de-assholized Ranma, which took the
better part of two hours, since Ranma could be quite elusive when he
wanted to be, the three of them sat exhausted in the Tendo yard.
"Okay," Ryoga grumbled, looking sourly at Ranma. "We. Are. Changing.
Your. Curse. I don't care what you think. There's no way I'm
putting up with Asshole Ranma any more."
Ukyou nodded. "I agree, Ran-chan. There's just no way. Anything
would be better than the Asshole. I'd prefer you turned into a
hydralisk that was about to feast on the remains of my dead comrades
than the Asshole."
Ryoga gave her a sideways glance. "What...?"
"But what other curse am I supposed to use?" Ranma protested.
"_Any_ other curse," Ryoga said emphatically.
"Also," Ukyou noted, sighing, "Akane got cursed, and is now missing."
Ryoga looked around in alarm. "WHAT??" He silently cursed himself.
"How could I not have noticed that Akane was gone? Where did she
go??"
"She said she was, like, totally going shopping, like, fer shure,"
Ukyou told him flatly.
Ranma leapt to his feet. "We have to go find her!"
And then it started raining.
-*-
-*-
Yes, I'm writing fanfics again. Fate is cruel.
Many thanks to the Eternal Lost Lurker for pre-reading and catching
OOC-isms!
C&C welcomed. Please let me know what you think of this so far!
- George/Hunter Kid
gth782m at mail dot gatech dot edu