[Ranma][Fanfic] A Peaceful Life

[Gary Kleppe]

A PEACEFUL LIFE

An alternate universe Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
by Gary Kleppe

Any comments of any type will be appreciated.

Be warned that this is not a happy story. I would not call it
a darkfic -- it might best be categorized as "gray" -- but more than
one reader has found it to be depressing.

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful
property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission.
This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered
substantially or used for profit in any way.

Part 1: Ranma's Choice

*********

"I'm Ranma Saotome," I said. "My wife and I run the Anything
Goes School of Martial Arts. We took over the school from our fathers
when we got married."

"Pleased to meet you, Saotome-Sensei," the woman said with
practiced politeness. "I am Tanaka Ritsuko. My son Kota is interested
in taking some lessons from your school."

"You bet!" said the little kid. "I want to study from Akane
Tendo. I've seen her on the TV news. She kicks a--" His mother cut him
off, still smiling and trying not to show how embarrassed she was. I
tried not to chuckle.

"You're gonna have to study from me first, sport," I said.
"Akane teaches the advanced classes. It'll be a while before you're
ready for that." My ego was still a little bruised by being reminded
of this, even after all this time. But that's the way it had to be. I
couldn't take chances after my injury...

"I'm sorry, Sensei." Mrs. Tanaka was probably working hard to
resist the urge to clobber her son. Having kids of my own, I knew what
that was like, but I also knew how much fun they could be. "Kota, you
are going to have to show proper respect for Saotome-Sensei and his
wife, or you won't be able to take lessons from them."

"Hey, don't worry about it," I said. "Actually, though, Akane
isn't my wife," I said. "She's my sister in law." Mrs. Tanaka
apologized to me again. At that time my wife came in, carrying our
youngest and two bags of groceries. I took the groceries from her, and
she gave me a peck on the cheek like she always did. She gave a big
smile to our visitors.

"Why hello! You must be Mrs. Tanaka and Kota! We spoke on the
telephone. I'm Ranma's wife. My name is Kasumi!"

*********

Kasumi went into the kitchen and started putting away
groceries. I tried to help, but as usual didn't remember where most of
the things were supposed to go. Our family dog came over and, as
ususal, started to pull on Kasumi's skirt. "Happy, no!" I scolded him.

"I met your old girlfriend at the market today," Kasumi said
to me, leaving me confused. "You know, the one who's married to your
friend Tatewaki Kuno. She's really such a sweet girl." She smiled at
me, and I realized I was being teased. "We ought to have them over for
dinner sometime."

"Oh, her. I guess she is now, but she was anything but sweet
to me when I first met her." I started to think about those early
days. I once heard of an old Chinese curse, 'May you live in
interesting times.' That's how it used to be for me. I'd picked up
that curse, along with another more obvious Chinese curse, when Pop
had taken me to the cursed springs of Jusenkyo all those years ago.
After that, my life was about as interesting as a life could possibly
get. Not any more, though.

Nerima had used to be a nuthouse, now it was a quiet suburban
area. Not that weird stuff didn't still happen here, but in the old
days I was usually in the middle of it. Now it was someone else every
time, usually Akane.

Yep, for me it was a quiet, peaceful life these days. I had a
job that's pretty easy and a lot of fun. I had a nice house, four
wonderful kids, and a wife that just about any guy would envy. Sure
ought to be enough to make a guy happy, shouldn't it? Though Kasumi
had had to take care of the dojo for all these years, though she had
given birth to two children and adopted two more, she still looked
every bit as pretty as she did when I first met her...

=======

"Pick the one you want," Soun Tendo said. "She's your
fiancee."

Wouldn't let me pick 'none of the above', I thought, would he?
Not that his girls weren't attractive. Each one was beautiful in her
own way. But I had no desire to decide the rest of my life right then
and there. Not only that, thanks to the cursed spring Pop had knocked
me into, I was a girl myself at the moment. Deciding whom to marry was
the last thing on my mind.

"Oh, he wants Akane," said Kasumi.

"Definitely," said Nabiki. It did not do wonders for my
self-esteem to have these girls trying to pawn me off on each other.

Akane put her hand on Kasumi's shoulder. "You're being too
modest, sis. Ranma, here is the ideal wife. She's sweet,
even-tempered, she's a whiz at housework, and can she ever cook!"

"Akane, no!" Kasumi protested. "You mustn't do this!" She
seemed about to disprove the part about her being even-tempered.

"Kasumi," Mr. Tendo was calm but firm, "I said that Ranma
could choose any one of you three, and I meant it. For the honor of
our family, you will abide by whatever his choice is."

"But it isn't right! Father! ..." Kasumi stopped in
resignation, still knowing that she was right, but realizing that
nothing she said would sway her father. "... Yes, father. I promise."
She's kept that promise to this day.

"Good. And that goes for the other two of you as well."

"If none of you wanna marry me then you don't gotta," I said.
"Goodbye! I'm going back to China to find a way to change back for
good!" I could tell when I wasn't wanted.

"Have something to eat before you go." Akane thrust a plate of
noodle casserole in front of me. I *was* pretty hungry at that
moment...

"Delicious, isn't it?" It was. "Kasumi cooked it! Now try some
of this curry dish that I made." Akane gave me a bowl of some
indescribable-looking substance; it looked like someone else had
already eaten it first.

"If we're doing taste tests here, shouldn't there be one
more?" I asked. Nabiki just raised a single eyebrow, giving me a look
that suggested I had to be joking to expect that she'd ever cook
anything. Kasumi looked on helplessly, as if she desperately wanted to
say something but couldn't. I popped a spoonful of Akane's whatever it
was in my mouth.

Eight different tastes assaulted by mouth, each of them worse
than the last. The flavor of chocolate pickle juice gave way to the
combination of blue cheese dressing and cough medicine. The offending
substances travelled unstoppably down through my stomach, rerouting my
intestines into the kind of path that Ryoga Hibiki might have taken,
and turning everything on the way to mud. I felt like I needed a
doctor right then, to sign my death certificate.

"Oh, honestly, it wasn't THAT bad!" Akane was a little annoyed
at my reaction to her cooking but seemed to be satisfied that I'd
gotten the message. Kasumi and I looked at each other in vain, both of
us stuck in a situation neither of us wanted. I never actually
declared a choice, but from that time on it was implicitly understood
that I was engaged to Kasumi.

Part 2: Pain in the Neck

*********

"Goodness, look! A postcard from Fathers!"

Kasumi handed me a card. A picture of some nubile
scantily-clad woman was on the front, an advertisement for some beach
resort. I turned the card over and recognized Mr. Tendo's writing.

"The master's retraining program is proving especially
rigorous. He's been demonstrating to us the Anything Goes Bikini
String Pull attack. He builds our stamina and determination by
allowing us to deal with the angry crowds of women that are the
inevitable result. The master has also been kind enough to allow us to
work at the resort to pay for his meals and his liquor consumption. We
are proud to partake of his genius.'

"My, it almost makes you wish you were there!" Kasumi said
with a grin.

"Heh. I'd have to be an idiot to want to be there." Pop and
Mr. Tendo just couldn't ever say no to that old freak. Happosai didn't
have much time left. He was doing what he thought might be his last
romp before going to that great big house of naughty pleasures in the
sky. Not a guy I wanted to be around. Although if I did go, I thought,
I'd show Master Happosai how I partake of his genius. I'd partake my
fist right in his genius face...

"Hey Kasumi, do you want to do something tonight?"

"I am going to be doing something tonight, Ranma. I've got the
laundry to do, and the floors, and..."

"No, I mean, y'know, go out and do something for fun."

"That new equipment for the dojo needs to be picked up
tonight, Ranma."

"Oh yeah." Always something to do.

Kasumi picked up her empty teacup and mine and took them into
the kitchen. I had a little while before my first student would be in
today, so I settled down to read the paper. The headline caught my
eye: 'Martial Artists Defeat Mysterious Creature'.

According to the paper, some sort of ice demon had been on a
rampage across Tokyo. The team led by Akane and Ryoga had taken it on
and eventually destroyed it. There was a picture of 'Ms. Tendo's pet
P-chan' saving some old woman from drowning in all the melted ice from
the battle. It figured that the news media would be the last to know
that P-chan was really Ryoga.

My mind went back to the first time I saw Akane fight...

=======

"I... DESPISE... MEN!"

With that as her battle cry, Akane jumped forward to meet the
horde of boys who were charging out of the Furinkan High School gates.
I sat on the sidelines and watched her. I have to admit I was
impressed. I had never seen a girl who could fight with as much power
and speed as she had. Well, there had been one, but I didn't want to
think about her.

Akane tore through the crowd of boys like a mower through
grass. The boys never had a chance. They spent more time pushing each
other around for position, and shouting at Akane to attract her
attention, than they actually did fighting her. Those who did get her
attention were rewarded with a fist in the gut, a foot or a schoolbag
in the face.

Akane stood amidst the pile of her now senseless schoolmates.
"For Pete's sake. Every morning! What a drag!"

"Hey, you're not half bad at this," I said. "But I think I
could give you a few pointers when we get back home."

Suddenly a voice called out "Ranma Saotome!"

"Yeah, that's me, what's up?" I turned around to see a guy
whose clothes and bokken identified him as a kendoist. He carried a
single red rose, which he casually tossed over to Akane. He glared at
me powerfully, suggesting that I was invading his territory and he
wasn't going to put up with it.

"My name is Upperclassman Kuno. Junior Group E. Captain of the
kendo club. Undefeated new star of the high school fencing world. But
my peers call me..." he paused for dramatic effect, "the Blue Thunder
of Furinkan High!" The sky rumbled along with Kuno's pronouncements.
Just a coincidence, although I wasn't sure of that at the time.

Kuno pointed his bokken toward me with an air of superiority.
"Nabiki Tendo informs me that your parents have arranged an engagement
between you and her sister. Is this true, worm?"

"Well, yeah, but..."

"Never! I shall never accept your engagement to Akane!" Kuno
swung his weapon at me, but I jumped up out of its path easily enough.

The crowd of Akane's would-be suitors were meanwhile picking
themselves off the ground, with desperate cries of "What?!
Engagement?!" which totally drowned out Akane's and my attempts to
explain that Kuno had the wrong sister. Nabiki had neglected to
mention which of her sisters I had been engaged to; probably some
scheme of hers to make money off of Kuno.

Nevertheless, I wasn't about to let a guy like this push me
around. "I'm Ranma Saotome, and I accept your challenge!" I knew right
away that this Kuno guy was going to be a big pain in the neck.

A few minutes later I had another big pain in the neck, from
where Kuno's sword had gotten a little too close. That was okay,
because Kuno was lying on the ground with my bootprints all over his
face. I was the winner. But it still hurt.

"I'd better take you to the doctor," Akane said.

We let the school people know that there'd been a little...
accident... and I followed Akane. She hurried through the streets, as
if dealing with me was a bother that she really wanted to get over
with.

"You didn't have to take me, y'know," I said, "you could'a
told me where it was and I could'a gone there myself."

"I don't have anything against you, Ranma," she said. "But I'm
not going to marry you. If Dad is going to marry you to someone, it's
not going to be me. Understand?"

"Hey, sure, no way would I wanna marry you," I said. She
stopped outside the clinic we had just arrived at and glared at me.
"Uh, I mean that I don't want to get married. To anybody!" This seemed
to satisfy her, and we went inside.

A pleasant-faced, soft-spoken man greeted us inside. "Hello,
Akane! This must be your new houseguest. I'm Doctor Tofu Ono, it's a
pleasure to meet you."

"Oh! Doctor! Good morning to you! This is Ranma Saotome!"
Akane's usual macho tomboy exterior was now gone, replaced by some
cute schoolgirl I didn't recognize. She was obviously sweet on this
doctor.

Doctor Tofu looked at my neck. "I have a balm that works
wonders." He started applying some substance to my neck, and the
throbbing went down to a tolerable level. "So, I hear you're Akane's
finace."

"NO!" Akane and I both cried in unison. "No," I said. "My Pop
and Mr. Tendo engaged me to Akane's sister Kasumi."

There was a KRRAK sound, as Dr. Tofu involuntarily bent my
neck at a ninety degree angle. "Kasumi? ENGAGED?!?"

"We better go, Ranma." Akane grabbed my hand and ushered me
out of the clinic.

"Oh, I get it," I said as I was being dragged down the street.
"This Tofu guy likes Kasumi. That's why you set her up with me!"

Akane made a sudden stop and turned around. "You SHUT UP! That
is NOT TRUE! I just didn't want to be engaged to a JERK LIKE YOU!!"

My head fell back into its proper position. "Hey. Hey! I'm
cured! You like Dr. Tofu, though, don't you? I could tell by the way
you acted around him."

"That is NONE of your business!" Akane seemed about to either
cry or rip my lungs out. But at least I was provoking a reaction,
getting around her defenses. "I don't care WHO you get engaged to. You
can marry KUNO for all I care! Just as long as it ISN'T ME!!!"

"Yeah, well, I bet if I went to Tofu's place as a girl, he'd
think I was more attractive than you."

That provoked a reaction.

Much later, I was home studying a book on do-it-yourself
chiropractic.

"Isn't your neck better yet?" asked Pop.

"It was, Pop. It was."

Part 3: Violence of Love

=======

"Pig-tailed girl! I would date with you!"

Upperclassman Kuno handed me a bouquet of flowers. In return I

gave him a boot in the face, sending him flying down the street.

"Man, what a loser." I went into the dojo in search of a
kettle of hot water. "It was bad enough when he kept challenging me to
fights. Now this. I think I could live the rest of my life without
hearing 'Pig-tailed girl' from that jerk."

"I think he likes you, Ranma. Show some gratitude. Give him a
nice hug," said Akane. She was in her leotard, practicing for her
upcoming gymnastics match against the Upperclassman's twisted sister,
Kodachi the Black Rose.

I poured hot water over myself and regained my manhood. "Hey,
can I help it if I'm cuter than you, Akane? I didn't see him bringing
*you* flowers today." Growing up going to an all-boys school, I had
learned that the best way to put a stop to insults is to step on a
sensitive spot of the person doing the insulting. Unfortunately, if
that person happens to be the violent type, things can get ugly. Akane
grabbed me by the front of my shirt.

"Akane, no!"

"Kasumi?"

"Akane, if Ranma is to be my fiance, then you aren't to hit
him."

Akane thought this over for a moment, then reluctantly let me
drop.

I picked myself up off the floor. "Anyway, as far as that Kuno
is concerned, you can have him. I can't think of anybody I'd less like
to have anything to do with."

Akane was no longer listening; her attention was now focused
on the small black piglet that had just come through the door.
"P-chan!" she said.

"Well, maybe him..." I noticed that Akane's little pet had
some packages strapped to his back. "Cinnamon crackers from Hiroshima?
Tea cakes from Kyoto?? How the heck did he get this stuff?"

Akane started practicing with her gymnastics equipment again.
P-chan skulked out of the room, unnoticed by her.

I thought back to the day Akane first met P-chan. I had gotten
home from school and noticed that my old classmate from boys' school,
Ryoga Hibiki, was with Kasumi in the living room.

"Why, hello Ranma! I met your old friend Ryoga when I was
shopping today!"

Ryoga was less than friendly at that moment. "Ranma! Prepare
to die!"

Ryoga swung around his big umbrella at me, only to find Kasumi
in the way. "Would you like more tea?" she offered, as he had to pull
back his attack to avoid hitting her.

"Why did you run out on our fight, Ranma?!?" Ryoga shouted as
he spun around to attack from a different direction; but there was
Kasumi in his way again.

"It's so nice to see two old friends get together!" exclaimed
Kasumi.

Ryoga gave up and stepped out the sliding door. "No matter
what it takes, Ranma, I shall destroy your happiness!" Ryoga exited as
I wondered what the heck he was talking about.

A little later, Akane came home carrying her new little
friend. "I found him out by the pond. Looks like he's lost, poor
little fella!"

She put an ad in the newspaper the next day asking for the
pig's owner; no responses. Funny, you'd have thought that a miniature
pig who wears a Ryoga-headband as a collar would be something people
would remember. Hmmm....

=======

P-chan entered the Tendo bathroom. Climbing on the side of the
bathtub, he twisted the hot water knob with his pig appendages. He
positioned himself under the stream of water, and up popped an instant
Ryoga.

Ryoga pulled his clothes out of a secret stash and quickly
dressed. Then he turned around to see me.

"Hey there, P-chan. I knew something funny had to be going on
with you. So you're a... pig!"

"Ranma... you are DEAD!!" he said. I blocked his angry attack
with a hastily-grabbed bathroom implement.

Ryoga then told me the whole story of how he had followed me
to Jusenkyo and had been knocked into the spring of drowned piglet,
after which Pop had almost had him cooked for dinner.

"Now you die!" said Ryoga as he attacked again, but before he
could strike we heard a crash from above.

"That came from Akane's room!" said Ryoga. The maniacal
laughter that followed told us who had been responsible. Kodachi, the
Black Rose. We knew that she had had a tradition of ambushing her
opponents before her matches, thereby winning them by forfeit.

We heard a thump from above as someone landed on the roof.
Ryoga and I ran outside. A figure could vaguely be seen up there in
the darkness. "You get her from this side, I'll circle around from
behind the house," I said. Ryoga nodded in assent.

I ran around to the other side of the house and climbed up.
Kodachi was waiting for me. Using some sort of sleight of hand, she
produced a bouquet of black roses; the second Kuno to offer me flowers
that day. I was confused for a second, until her flowers spat some
sort of gas in my face. Suddenly my body collapsed of its own will. I
could no longer feel anything below my head.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! A bit of paralysis gas in the bouquet!"
Kodachi straddled my prone lifeless form, about to preform something
that wasn't a regulation gymnastics move. "Now, my handsome man. Be
brave. And take these lips of mine!"

She leaned even closer to me with an evil smile, speaking
softly and emphatically. "And afterwards you shall watch the Black
Rose *cripple* the *wicked* Akane Tendo!"

That had been the wrong thing to say with Ryoga right behind
her.

Ryoga drove his fist into Kodachi's gut. "You STAY AWAY from
Akane, or I'll KILL YOU!!" he said, slamming her head into the roof
for emphasis.

It was then I realized. I had figured Ryoga had just been
playing P-chan as part of some lame plan to catch me off-guard. Maybe
it had started out that way, but it was obvious that the poor slob was
now in love with Akane!

"Ryoga," I said feebly, "you made your point. In fact, I think
you better call an ambulance for her. Help me up, too while you're at
it."

Ryoga dropped the now Black and Blue Rose, seeming a little
surprised that he'd been so violent to a woman. He stood over me.

"Yeah, I can't move. You could take your revenge on me and I'd
be helpless. But that wouldn't make Akane happy, would it?"

Ryoga carried Kodachi and me off the roof.

Akane ended up winning the gymnastics match. By forfeit.

*********

I closed the bathroom door as I heard Kasumi putting the kids
to bed. I turned the knob all the way to 'cold' and stripped as I
watched the bathtub fill up with water. I jumped in the tub; the water
was cold enough to make me wish I hadn't. Slowly, I felt the old
familiar changes taking place. I was female once more.

Less than a minute later, my body snapped back to that of a
man. The time keeps getting shorter, I thought. Why was that? I looked
at today's newspaper headline. 'Akane Tendo and P-chan Hunt for Source
of Mysterious Ice Creature'. Ryoga's curse still worked the same as it
did on day one. Why was that? My curse shouldn't work any differently
than Ryoga's.

Except that Ryoga was still living in interesting times...

I was sitting on the sidelines while he and Akane were living
a life of danger and adventure. Could it be after all the ridiculous
failed attempts at a cure, my curse was finally going away because it
was bored?

"Mommy," I heard from the kids' room, "is daddy turning
himself into a girl again? I thought he didn't want to be a girl!"

I thought so too, honey. Of course, I could still remember
times when I would've given anything to not be a girl...

=======

"Ranma! I KILL!"

I ran through the halls of Furinkan in fear for my life. If
only that old woman hadn't gotten me with her dishwater again on the
way to school this morning, I thought. Then I would've been a guy when
Shampoo busted in looking for me. I could have said that I was female
Ranma's cousin, and that she was wintering in Uzbekistan right now.
But no...

I ran into a corridor where my high school buddies, Hiroshi
and Daisuke, were putting up a banner for next week's school dance. I
grabbed it and flipped it over Shampoo's head. By the time she had
moved the banner, I was gone. Not far, though; I had crawled into an
open locker and shut the door.

If Hiroshi or Daisuke had had sense enough to say "She went
that-a-way," and point her to somewhere else, it might have been over
then. But all they could do is stand there and admire how well Shampoo
filled out the cheongsam she was wearing. It took her all of about two
seconds to figure out where I was.

Shampoo struck the locker that I was hiding in. She was using
some special technique that didn't damage the locker, but set it
vibrating. The vibrations seemed to echo in my head, and I felt as if
they were ripping my brain apart.

Shampoo struck again. This second blow set up a
counter-vibration. The combination travelled up and down my spinal
cord, causing it to shake. My whole body felt like it would just fall
apart if she got off another of those attacks.

There was only one thing to do. I kicked open the locker door
and tried to run again. Luckily for me, I managed to hit Shampoo with
the locker door on the way out. She got up to chase me, though, and
with my head as mixed up as Akane's curry right then, I knew I
wouldn't get far.

I heard a voice then. One that I quite possibly could not have
lived the rest of my life without.

"Pig-tailed girl!"

Shampoo ran unexpectedly right into Kuno's bokken strikes. It
was all over for her. For a moment, without thinking about it, I was
hugging the Upperclassman out of sheer relief.

Then Kuno got a look at who he was saving me from, and his
sexism took over. He bent down and tried to revive her. "Fair one!
Hast thou been injured?"

It wasn't a nice thing to think about someone who might have
saved my life, but I thought: Sucker. Now she'd be after him the same
way she had been after me. Maybe they deserved each other.

Shampoo opened her eyes and looked at Kuno. "Wo de airen!"

Nobody saw much of those two for a while after that.

I found out later about Shampoo's Amazon law that said she had
to marry a man who defeated her in combat. Crazy. Lucky for her that
she found the one man who that would make sense to. I guess they
really did deserve each other. I shouldn't be hard on Kuno, though. He
did save me from an attack that might have been fatal, and he even
eventually got Shampoo to give up on trying to kill the Pig-tailed
girl.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I was there in Furinkan on
the floor, my head ringing, with three Hiroshis and four and a half
Daisukes staring down at me. At least that's the way it looked to me
in my mental state at the time. Daisukes one through three said
something about getting me to a doctor.

I got shoved in a car, had hot water poured over me, and was
vaguely aware of ending up at Dr. Tofu's. Tofu examined my neck as I
could see Akane watching.

I heard somebody enter the clinic. It was Kasumi. "Doctor, is
Ranma going to be all right?"

I remembered that I was engaged to Kasumi. Then I noticed that
Tofu's hands were still around my neck.

That's the last thing I was aware of for quite some time.

Part 4: Regrets

=======

I woke up to the sight of Akane's face. It was red, as if
she'd been crying. "Ranma! I'm so sorry!" she said.

I tried to move, and found that I couldn't. My back and head
were strapped to some weird contraption. My instinctive response was
to try to bust out of it.

Kasumi leaned over and held my hand. "You're going to be all
right, Ranma. Please don't try to move. You need to stay in bed until
the doctor says it's okay for you to get up." She gave me a smile, the
same one that I'd seen from her a hundred times before, but somehow it
told me that I really would be all right.

From the bed I was in, and the dumb-looking thing I was
wearing, I realized that I was in the hospital. Kasumi turned my bed
so I faced the front, and I could see Pop, Mr. Tendo, and Nabiki.

Mr. Tendo could barely contain himself. "He's going to be all
right!!" he said, crying tears of joy.

"Of course he is, he's my son!" Pop said confidently.

"Absolutely," said Nabiki. "I've got Ranma for a full recovery
within two weeks at five to one odds." I hoped she was joking. I'd
hate to think who it was that bet against me.

Akane just repeated how sorry she was. Then I remembered that
it wasn't her who did this to me. It had been Dr. Tofu. He had had
hisarms around my neck when he had turned to see Kasumi. Then I had
felt something snap...

A small, elderly woman entered. "I am Kin Ono," she said to
me. "My son is Doctor Tofu Ono. My son wants you to know that he
deeply regrets what happened to you, Ranma. He was not in control of
himself. He has gone to seek help from his martial arts master. He has
asked me to make sure that you receive the best medical care possible,
and I will do just that."

"I think I speak for everyone here when I say we bear no ill
will toward your son, ma'am. None of us blame him for what happened,"
said Mr. Tendo. I tried to nod in assent but couldn't. I looked at
Akane. It was obvious that it wasn't Tofu that she blamed, either.

A man wearing a lab coat came in the room, and everyone
immediately cleared a path to my bed for him. "I am Doctor Eryu Hu,"
the small-faced man said, his voice betraying a trace of Chinese
accent. "How are you feeling, Ranma?"

"Okay, I guess. Can I get out of this dumb thing, Doc?"

The doctor gave a friendly chuckle. "Not yet, I'm afraid. In
another few days, we'll run some tests. If all goes well, you should
be out of your supports after that, and on your way back to a normal
life."

"Normal as in normal for me? Or just normal?" I asked. Two
very different things.

"Ranma, your spinal cord had been damaged. We've managed to
reconstruct, and after you recuperate you should be able to function
as if the damage had never occured. But if you were to take another
blow in the wrong place, everything we've fixed could be undone."

"Are you saying..." I asked.

"I'm afraid that I'm saying your days as a martial artist are
over."

=======

I wasn't there for what happened next, but Ryoga's told the
story to me about a billion times. Akane was up in her room. She was
crying. "P-chan, it's all my fault! None of this would've happened if
I hadn't forced Ranma to get engaged to Kasumi! Now Ranma can't do
martial arts anymore, Dr. Tofu's practice is ruined... I've ruined
both their lives! I'm a terrible person, P-chan. I don't deserve to
live..."

P-chan motioned to Akane. "What is it, P-chan? You want to get
out of the room? You want me to follow you?" What Ryoga was doing took
guts, I have to admit that. Maybe more guts than anything he'd ever
done before.

Akane was on overload already, and she seemed to have little
mind left at that time to question the odd behavior of her pet. P-chan
led his owner down the hall, trembling nervously all the way, until he
got to the bathroom. Akane watched as her little pet turned the hot
water faucet with his little pig arms...

"RYOGA!!"

Ryoga covered himself with a towel. "Yes, it's me. I've been
P-chan all along, ever since I got knocked into that cursed spring. I
couldn't tell you because I thought you'd hate me for it."

Akane stood flabbergasted, unable to take in the revelation.
"How... why..."

The emotion that had been dammed up inside Ryoga for so long
came pouring out in a jumbled flood. "I love you, Akane! You're not a
terrible person. If anyone is, I am. I've been deceiving you from the
beginning, to be able to spend time with you. Because I thought you'd
hate who I really was. I don't care if you hate me now. It doesn't
matter anymore. But don't ever say you don't deserve to live. I'd
gladly give my life for yours!"

"HOW DARE YOU!!!" Akane screamed as she grabbed Ryoga by his
headband and swung back her fist. She seemed about to take Ryoga up on
his offer to give his life, or at least provide me with a new roommate
at the hospital.

At the last moment Akane held back. "Get your clothes on and
get the hell out of my house," she said, her voice more hurt than
angry.

That's the way Ryoga tells the story, anyway. Personally I
wonder if he didn't just turn the water on himself and stand there
pleading for his life. Either way I have to respect him for what he
did, though. It was a start. Not a great start, the start of something
honest between them, something that would eventually let their
relationship evolve from pet and owner to much more...

=======

Pop and Mr. Tendo decided that the end of May was a good time
for a wedding. Kodachi was going to be out of town then.

I still wasn't sure I really wanted to go through with it,
though.

"Maybe I shouldn't get married to anybody," I said to Kasumi.
"Maybe I should just tell Pop where he can stick his arranged marriage
thing."

Kasumi took my hand and smiled, her expression reassuring me
that no matter what happened things would be all right. "Ranma-kun,
you have a good heart. I'd be proud to be your wife, if that's what
you truly want. That's what you need to decide. Look deep inside
yourself and see what's there."

I looked inside myself and saw... nothing. I didn't know what
to do, which path to take on the trip that would last my whole life.

"Maybe talking with Akane would help," Kasumi said as she went
to the kitchen.

Akane? Why, I wondered. Why would I want to talk to her? But
it was worth a try. I hadn't seen much of Akane lately. Everytime I
had seen her she'd make some excuse and run off. It was pretty obvious
that she felt guilty about what had happened to me.

The enormity of it all suddenly hit me. No more martial arts.
Ever. What had been my whole reason for existence so far was no more.
A tidal wave of despair engulfed me, no longer to be denied. Damn this
body of mine! Turning into a girl was nothing compared to this curse.

I wanted to scream. No. I wanted to run outside and pick a
fight with Ryoga, with Kodachi, with anyone I could find. The hell
with what might happen to me! I'd always survived before! But I knew
that this was different. I knew then that if I got into another fight,
I could end up as a human vegetable, or just plain dead.

If it had been just me I might have taken my chances. But in
the back of my mind I knew what my dying or getting crippled could do
to Akane and Kasumi. Akane was already going through incredible guilt
just because of what had happened already. And Kasumi. She'd already
lost one guy who might have ended up as her husband. Was I going to
let her be married to a vegetable?

Akane and Kasumi. They would have to be my reason for
existence from now on.

I found Akane practicing in the dojo. I stood for a moment and
watched. She really is good, I thought.

Akane stopped and gave me a cheerful but awkward smile.
"Ranma! So, it looks like we're going to be family at last!"

"Uh, yeah, looks that way. You're looking good. Your martial
arts, I mean. Getting even better every day. One of these days you
might be the best in the whole country."

"Th-thanks. I'd better go and... Oh Ranma, I'm so sorry. It
should be you. If I hadn't pushed you into getting engaged to
Kasumi..."

"Hey, that wasn't your fault. The engagement thing wasn't your

idea. The whole thing was just, y'know, one of those things that
happen." I tried to think of something, anything, to change the
subject. "So, you've been seeing Ryoga, huh. I know that he reallly
likes you."

"I know. I kind of understand why he was pretending to be
P-chan. I'm not mad at him anymore for that. He's nice. Sometimes too
nice. I wish he wouldn't act like a doormat around me. Did you know
that Upperclassman Kuno has been picking fights with him? Kuno says
it's his duty to avenge his sister, even though he doesn't like her
too much. And some other kid from our school has been following Ryoga
around lately. He says he's trying to learn his weak spot."

"Yeah. Gosunkugi. Ryoga told me that he doesn't mind.
Gosunkugi being there is the only way he can find his way around
town." Akane and I shared a laugh at that.

"Anyway," Akane said, "I guess with my bad temper I'd need
someone as durable as he is." And I'm not anymore, I thought. I felt a
pang of regret just then. I'm not sure why, It wasn't like I ever
wanted to marry Akane. But I felt like something was closed off
forever, some chapter of my life that would now never be written.

*********

I finished off my evening snack and handed the plate to
Kasumi, who rinsed it off in the sink. "Do you have a busy day ahead
of you tomorrow?" she asked me.

"Not too much, just a couple of students. How about you?"

"I've got the laundry to do, and the living room is due for a
cleaning."

"Hey, the living room is clean already. And I wouldn't mind
wearing dirty clothes for a little while. Why don't we take the day
off? I'll cancel my students and we'll get somebody to watch the kids.
We can go find Akane and Ryoga and help them track down where that Ice
Demon came from! Then we..."

Kasumi didn't say anything. She just looked at me, looked
right through me. A look that told me I was too late, that I had had a
choice a long time ago, but now the choice was made. There was nothing
more to be done. If there was anything to learn, it was that decisions
that you don't make get made for you. Or else that a peaceful life
isn't bad, but there's something to be said for interesting times too.

THE END.

Some dialog for this story was taken from the original Ranma
1/2 series by Rumiko Takahashi, translation and English rewrite by
Matt Thorn and Gerard Jones for Viz comics. I also ripped off some of
the "Rainy Day Epicacs" from Mystery Science Theater 3000 ("Teenage
Caveman" episode) in part 1.

If anyone is interested, Shampoo's vibration attack in part 3
is a variant of the "Box-blower blow" that she used in the Martial
Arts Takeout Race story.

Thanks to all those from the Fanfiction Mailing List who
commented on this story; most notably David Lerman, Bob Barnes, Chris
Jones, Dave Eddy, and Cindy Toler, but everyone else too!. Your
comments are also welcome! Mail them to me (kle...@execpc.com), or
post them to rec.arts.anime.fandom .

Gary Kleppe
kle...@execpc.com, http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe