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[SM/Xover][FanFic] A Soldier's Duty, chapter 24

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Nov 26, 2001, 12:37:56 PM11/26/01
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A Soldier's Duty, chapter 24

"I do the very best I know how - the very best I can, and I mean to keep
doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said
against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten
angels swearing I was right would make no difference." - Abraham Lincoln

"Power is not revealed by striking hard or often, but by striking
true." -Honore de Balzac

DISCLAIMER: catgirls by Osamu Tezuka (Battia) as near as i can tell.
Everyone else has pretty much been covered in previous disclaimers.

*--Asgard--*

Descartes once had stated "Cogito Ergo Sum" or "I think therefore I am" -
which was actually the end product of philosophizing over whether or not he
existed. How would he know, and how could he be sure his senses were not
lying to him? He came to the conclusion that he existed, because something
was there that was doing all this pondering.

A philosophy teacher in Southern California (of course) in the 1960s
(naturally) once came upon a similar conundrum and gave it to his class as a
theory. He stated that the world and everything about it was created in the
1930s by a cosmic entity named Fred. All evidence of existence BF (Before
Fred) was manufactured by Fred as a test. The budding philosophy majors
were to try and disprove it. Unfortunately, he had started the Cult Of Fred,
a thankfully small group of compulsive neurotics.

In a place known as Asgard, a subdivision of a place known collectively as
the Heavens, Celeste had done something that touched base with both
Descartes' work and that anonymity-craving Professor. She had written a
computer program that developed its own subroutines, that spun its own
fractal weavings, that eventually produced a simulated timeline. This was
fine, in fact, this had been the desired outcome.

The timeline had been originally set to follow a distinct script. The
penitent known as Grey had to go through a number of Labors, each of which
would teach him something even as he went through it, and would also be
evaluated for inclusion in a number of different divine departments
thereafter. This, his Fourth Labor, would see him toning down his
indecisiveness, making a choice among potential girlfriends, and quite
possibly ending up in the agency known as Divine
Intervention/Operations/Security. (DIOS)

His script was to be quite simple: getting him involved in the usual mess in
a "Sailor Moon" timeline. The "S" period, to be exact, where he would meet a
number of the young people he'd met in his earlier misadventures, and would
settle on a girlfriend while assisting the "Sailor Senshi" in surviving
against and eventually defeating Pharoah 90 and the Witches 5.

This had been derailed first and foremost by a fly in the ointment. A glitch
in the system. A tribble in the grain storage bay. To be more precise: a
rogue Spells R Us Wizard who had decided that turning college boys into
large breasted nymphomaniac girls was only amusing for the first three
centuries and that he was ready to conquer a world.

Said Wizard had encouraged other meddlers, such as Amaterasu Omikami, to
push forward their own candidates. This was also quite unacceptable to
Celeste. She had put quite a bit of work into making the fractal
self-correcting Virtual World program.

Now, the Wizard had taken that meddling a step further. The past had been
rewritten, and now the Silver Millenium's Moon Kingdom had been replaced
with a Djinni Kingdom. Worse, this was inherently unstable as the wrong
wish could end up further altering the whole scenario.

Celeste reached for a bottle of Excedrin Migraine as she considered exactly
what she'd have to do to get this whole thing fixed. And quite frankly, a
Restart was looking more and more attractive.

---Simulation: Japan: Tokyo: Azabu Juuban: 15 minutes ago---

"Cake! Cake!" Usagi was happier than a pig in... well, she was pretty happy.

"I'm losing my appetite," said Rei, eyeing the stack of plates in front of
Usagi.

The proprieter smirked, seeing his chance. These were slender young Japanese
girls, surely they couldn't eat *that* much. They'd already eaten quite a
bit. He'd just pull this little joke, get a few pictures of the girls with
their faces all smudged up, and then offer them a discount for being good
sports. "Well, tell you what. If you and your friends can eat everything on
the table, it's free."

"Free?!" Usagi's eyes shone with tears of joy.

"Free?" Mamoru looked rather hopeful. Sweets weren't his passion, but his
budget was crying out for relief.

"Free! Yay!" Chibiusa had already forgotten the strange resemblence between
the "Desserts R Us" manager and that guy she'd met in that simulated
timeline. As long as there were no blueberries involved.

Makoto stared and glanced back and forth at Usagi and Rei. "Uhmmm. We've got
a few more friends. Can we call them?"

Hotaru merely stared at the little cake in front of her. She didn't normally
have much appetite at all, and this food was a bit much for her to take.

"No, but if they show up they're welcome to join you." The owner gave them
*that* much. Besides, he had some other ideas if these friends turned out to
be huge sumo fans or something similar. He snapped his fingers.

Aproned girls began pushing carts out, laden with rich desserts.
Cheesecakes, Boston Creme pies, custards and creme horns, German Chocolate
cake, French Vanilla logs...

The owner was certain to get some good pictures out of this.

---in the rear---

Terurun was gone. Eudial was gone. Each of the Witches Five had met their
end. Save one.

Cyprine knew that she *should* get back to her first love, her precious
Genma-chan, but there was something she had to do first. Get those damn
Senshi! And if she was right, she could take out the "sailorsuited warriors
of love & justice" with just a few little compulsion candies taken from the
Wizard's supply closet.

Then she could do something to foul up the Wizard's plans, and go back to
spend the rest of her life with her wonderfully obese Gennie-poo.

*----same place, fifteen minutes later----*

Even Usagi was looking a little ill. Especially as she found herself
reaching for that bourbon cake.

Chibiusa just felt the bloat and whimpered as she felt compelled to reach
for another slice of cherry cheesecake.

Hotaru had conceded defeat. One cake had been more than enough to fill her.
She was feeling a bit odd since then anyway, but she was used to more simple
fare and guessed that this was why.

Mamoru had begged off early on, stating he couldn't handle desserts that
rich. He'd been quite honest in that regard too. He was looking a little
alarmed, both at how the girls continued to eat, and at the mess that they
were making.

Rei had been looking rather upset, but was now forcefeeding herself as if
she was going to ingest the table at any moment. Most of her face was
concealed by chocolate frosting at the moment.

Makoto slurped on a creme horn, and wondered why she was still hungry when
it seemed that she had eaten almost her own bodyweight since sitting down.

The proprieter had gone to have a little lie down. He was obviously not
feeling well, since girls *that* slender should not have been able to eat
nearly that much. Now if this had been Tomobiki...

Trays were wheeled in again.

Cyprine smiled from the doorway. She'd leave them after setting that daimon
into place. This was a good way to do it, if the girls were so plump that
they couldn't fit into a seifuku then they couldn't do all that "Sailor
Senshi" stuff.

An alternative (one that she'd thought of while getting disgusted at the
sight before her) was to see if all of the Senshi couldn't get pregnant. It
would at least keep them from superheroing for several months. And as any
parents of newborns could tell you, they'd be getting precious little sleep
for years after that.

MUCH better, to Cyprine's new worldview, than the old "drain the energy/kill
them" routine. Besides, she rather liked Genma Saotome's girth, and this
might give those girls a similar waistline.

**CRASH!**

Sailor Cheetah, wearing her ersatz senshi uniform, ran into the
establishment while carrying someone. "Higuys!
IjustwantedtosaythatI'melopingwithmyfiance! Seeyou!"

Usagi, Rei, Makoto, and Chibiusa blinked as Minako ran past them at high
speed.

"I wish that were subtitled, so I could understand what she had just said,"
mumbled Usagi as she groaned and felt her stretched tummy.

Rei and Makoto nodded, then groaned themselves as they felt their beltlines
straining.

**CRASH!**

A human tide appeared, pouring through the doorway and swirling in as they
sought to catch up with Mineko.

Mineko came running back, not having found an exit.

Not all chaos is confined to Nerima.

---Asgard----

Fingers delicately stroked a keypad. Numbers altered.

Celeste found the change that had been instituted and became thoughtful.

The work of SRU Wizards tended to backtrack itself. Not always, but most of
the time. Change John Smith into a girl, and the birth records would
indicate that Joan Smith had been born a perfectly healthy girl.

Spells R Us had been noted as a "neutral" territory prior to this incident.
On occasion, one of the wizards would be contacted and the Divine Justice
Department would farm some of their work out. It was known that the
Infernals would occasionally utilize the company as well. As long as no one
who was truly Good or truly Evil or Fated was affected, it was entirely a
mortal affair and any problems would have to be resolved BY mortals.

That policy was being investigated now, though not by Celeste.

Instead, Celeste had found that the altered point had actually been the
creation of the Silver Crystal. Instead of flowing into a receptacle - the
gemstone, the power had flowed into another receptacle. Queen Serenity's
mother Crisium. The woman had not been able to handle the full power, and so
had split off portions of the power, which could then be refocussed at need.

Instead of superpowered Senshi in their Sailor uniforms, getting their power
through a Make Up transformation, the resulting kingdom had superpowered
genie. Who wore exactly the sort of clothing one might expect of
superpowered genie, the costumes bearing an uncanny resemblence to the sort
of outfits popularized on "I Dream Of Genie" and old "1001 Nights" films.
Instead of being *Sailor* Mars, Rei's transformation would be simply to
Mars.

Celeste considered the alteration as one might consider an interesting bug.
Taking apart the records of the alteration had revealed that it was a
compromise, an accident, yet it had a certain elegance of its own. The "ins"
(mortals) who interacted with the genie, as a genie could not grant another
genie's wish were the Earth Kingdom prior to the change. So Bennu, Obsidian,
Basalt, and the others became (essentially) sha'ir. Jedite, Nephlite, and
the other Generals became sha'ir also, but had come under the influence of
the evil sorceress Beryl and had bound their charges (the four "Inner"
Senshi) into items.

The goddess of J-pop removed the barrier to further changes. The principles
would remain aware, but now she could weave a barrier and reverse the whole
mess.

Though she would make a backup. This setup had potential.

---back to Juuban----

Nerves were frayed. Tempers were ready to flare. All it needed was a match.

The Proprieter had fainted at the sight of the sumo wrestlers.

Makoto was thinking that the gang was all here. Save one. "Where's Ami?"

"Oooohh, so it's true about you and Mizuno-san?" Ayane leered suggestively
at Makoto.

"AAAAA! Nonononono! It's not like THAT!" Makoto began freaking again. If
this rumor continued then she'd NEVER get a boyfriend.

"I don't even want to hear what it's like," said Usagi, hearing evidence
that two of her best friends had been doing THAT. Well, at least that meant
that neither of them would be after her Mamo-chan.

Mamoru worried about the effect on Crystal Tokyo. Then caught himself and
decided he needed to get a LOT more sleep than he had been getting lately.

"You," Serenity said, striding forward. "It is not seemly that my Genie
would be gathered like this, yet incomplete."

Mamoru blinked. "So, what do you want *me* to do about it?"

"You are *ins* - the mortal who has bound my daughter's heart, so I ask that
you make a wish so that the others of my genie court be here. Uranus and
Mercury." Serenity tsked at the forgetful sha'ir.

"Usako?" Mamoru was a little puzzled. What was the Queen talking about? "I
wish Uranus and Ami-chan were here."

*BANG!* *POOF!*

Uranus looked a little puzzled, but checked herself and couldn't see
anything wrong. She was still wearing her orange silks, looking a little
tomboyish in that they were opaque and that the shirt was baggy. Upon seeing
the Queen, she merely placed one fist against her chest and bowed her head.
No enemies to kill so why had Uranus (djinn of retribution) been summoned?

Ami was a bit different. "Nyow?!"

"Waaaah! Ami's a catgirl?!" Usagi managed to yelp from where she'd collapsed
on top of Mamoru. Mamoru continued to stare at the harem outfit Usagi was
currently almost wearing.

Amieow Mewzuno spotted *her* Grey-chan being carried about by Mineko Aino,
and let her ears go flat against her head. Claws extended as she stalked
forward.

"Waitaminute," Usagi quickly inserted herself between Amieow and Mineko,
seeing the mother of all catfights about to break out. "We can all get along
and resolve our differences in a calm and rational manner, right? We are,
after all, the pretty soldiers of love and justice and if you squabble, I'll
punish you!"

Rei was the first to do it. Usagi standing there, about to go into Full
Pretty Speech mode, her gauzy mostly-transparent costume causing some
nosebleeds among the samurai. It was just *too* perfect a target.

Usagi took a deep breath, preparing to go on. Therefore her mouth was open
when a lemon meringue pie slammed perfectly centered on her nose. The pie
hung there for a few moments, then gravity slowly pulled the pie tin down
where it flopped to the front of her outfit, then dropped to the floor. A
pair of large blue eyes blinked open from within the gooey mass.

There were a few moments of silence to mark this event.

*SPLUT!*

Rei slowly and deliberately reached up and moved whip cream and blueberries
away from her eyes so she could see again, then glared at Queen Serenity.

"My daughter is above pedestrian fare like that," huffed the Queen. *SPLAT!*
The Queen began removing the Napoleon which had smashed into *her* face in
order to glare back at Rei.

Rei hefted another pie, took careful aim, and threw. Queen Serenity ducked.
Makoto became rather acquainted with a chocolate chiffon pie.

At that point all restraint fell away and the battle was truly joined.

Pies and cakes flew with abandon. Creme horns bounced off of unprotected
bodies, donuts were thrown like frizbees, and the hired help dived for
cover.

Usagi stood on a chair and tried one last time. "Everyone! Stop! This isn't
the time or..." *SPLUT!* *SPLAT!* *THWUP!* *SMASH!* *SPLATTER!* *SPLISH!*
*SPLASH!* *FWUT!*

"MMMMMmff?!" Usagi mumbled from somewhere in the resulting mound of goo and
pastry.

One of the samurai was tossed (by a sumo apprentice) into the jukebox. Which
oddly enough began playing music.

"Are you ready, Steve? Ah-ha.
Andy? Yeah! Mick? Ok!
All right, fellas, let's go!"(1)

Amieow jumped on Mineko, and claws were retracted, but it was definitely a
catfight.

"Oh it's been getting so hard
Livin' with the things you do to me, aha"

Hotaru got an impish expression on her face and lobbed a gooey and
unidentifiable pastry at Setsuna.

"Oh my dreams are getting so strange
I'd like to tell you everything I see"

Setsuna got a mischievous expression of her own, and used a slight
gravitational lens effect to sling four "Chocolate Suicide Pudding-Cakes" at
Haruka.

"Oh, I see a man at the back
As a matter of fact his eyes are red as the sun"

Cyprine unfortunately had just exhaled as a "Cookies & Cream" cake struck
her face with enough force that she spent a considerable amount of time
trying to clear enough cake away that she could breathe.

Phobos and Deimos were taking aim at Cutey Honey. Cutey Honey was trying to
get a bead on Rei. Mars was trying to hit one of the "freeloading ninjas"
with a chiffon pie.

"And a girl in the corner let no one ignore her
'Cause she thinks she's the passionate one."

Hotaru checked, found herself in a corner, saw what was heading her way, and
ducked. A spatter of custard managed to bounce off the wall and ended up
going down the neck of her shirt.

The battle degenerated again, as everyone indiscriminately began slinging
either whole pastries or recycled bits and pieces of same (salvaged bits
from previous strikes).

"Oh, yeah, it was like lightning, everybody was frightening
And the music was soothing, and they all started grooving
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah"

"People, stop," cautioned Mamoru, though he was largely drowned out by the
jukebox. Then realized that here he was in his tuxedo, without so much as a
splatter on him, with everyone else rapidly getting coated by goo. He wisely
shut his mouth and looked for somewhere to hide.

The large mound of goo from which two odango style ponytails were vaguely
recognizable oriented in on his voice and started moving towards Mamoru.

"And the man at the back said
Everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz "

The most thickly coated mound of creme and meringue and less immediately
identifiable elements slowly began moving, getting down off the chair, and
slowly stumbling around the room as Usagi tried to get enough of this stuff
out of her eyes that she could see.

"And the girl in the corner said
Boy, I wanna warn ya, it'll turn into a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz"

Hotaru wiped meringue off her face and gleefully threw a glob at Grey-san
(who was apparently trying to sneak out of the restaurant). Naturally it
struck Nuku Nuku, who was apparently getting a little drunk off the milk
products and slung the remains of a coconut creme pie at Luna who was busy
trying to lick all the whipped cream off of Artemis' front.

For some odd reason, Artemis had passed out with a nosebleed.

"Ballroom blitz
I'm reaching out for something
Touching nothing's all I ever do"

Makoto attempted to intervene between Ami and Minako. Unfortunately she
should have known better than to do so by grabbing their tails and pulling.
Though perhaps all the chocolate icing and crumbs decorating her face were
obscuring her vision. Minako bit Makoto in the resulting scuffle.

Chibi-usa saw "Puu" and would have crossed over to her old friend, but the
changes in her history had finally caught up with her. Now resembling the
"Black Lady" as a teenager, the pinkhaired girl decided to dive for cover
instead.

"Oh, I softly call you over
When you appear there's nothing left of you, aha"

"Are you getting all this?" An awed Benny Hill asked as he watched the
devastation occurring. The cameraman merely nodded, knowing full well that
if he had forgotten and left the lens cap on the camera, he'd best take a
slow boat back to England. VERY slow.

With a little crying noise, the goo-encrusted Usagi latched onto her (until
that moment) immaculate Mamo-chan. Who immediately was less than immaculate.

"Now the man in the back
Is ready to crack as he raises his hands to the sky."

Rei was getting ready to pounce on Usagi when she noticed that her own
outfit had turned transparent with all the whipped cream soaking through.
"Eeeeeek!"

Sakura whipped her sword out, slashed briefly, and got even with Rei's
earlier tagging of her with the treacle boat. Rei's clothes came apart but
were plastered on her so much that this wasn't immediately obvious.

"And the girl in the corner is ev'ryone's mourner
She could kill you with a wink of her eye."

Hotaru found herself in a corner again, this time with Minako biting her
ankle. She tapped on the werecheetah's head and pointed her again in the
direction of Amieow and Makoto.

Queen Serenity restored Michiru from French Maid to the Marid Neptune, which
was met with mixed feelings from the aqua-haired girl. Upon spotting Uranus,
however, Neptune got a naughty gleam in her eye and a bottle of chocolate
sauce in her hands.

"Oh yeah, it was electric, so frightfully hectic
And the band started leaving, 'cause they all stopped breathing."

Sumos were slapping samurai. Yakuza were fighting each other. Young girls
were throwing less and less identifiable bits of goo that had once been
desserts at each other.

Kasumi and Ayane began using special ninja throwing techniques on puff
pastries as they tried to hit each other.

"Oh yeah, it was like lightning, everybody was frightening
And the music was soothing, and they all started grooving"

Amieow caught up with Queen Serenity, tugged out her "bikini" bottom and
squirted the contents of a creme horn into the revealed cleft. Queen
Serenity, as you might imagine, squeaked quite loudly.

Usagi began wailing about all the food going to waste. Mamoru looked at the
messy girl hanging onto him, at an untouched chocolate praline truffle pie
nearby, and back at Usagi. He began to tremble from the suppressed
temptation.

"Yeah! yeahyeahyeah!"

Amieow had retired from the fight with Mineko, and the two were licking
themselves clean while pinning a boy down so that he couldn't escape again.
All this mess in their fur apparently being quite uncomfortable.

Queen Serenity, being a djinn, noticed she lacked ammunition. With an evil
grin she conjured up the Three Stooges (actually they were Tinker Gnomes)
and a pie making machine.

"The ballroom blitz!" (2)

--------

(1) "Ballroom Blitz" by Sweet

(2) Nobody escapes intact from a foodfight. Not the Great Wesley, not the
Three Stooges, not Professor Fate. And no, i don't think it would've been
funnier to have Usagi trying to catch all the pies in her mouth. Even her
appetite has limits. (Genma on the other hand...)

---asgard---

"So, it's decided then?" Toltiir was currently wearing his Coyote guise,
mainly because Bast had registered a complaint about his constant wearing of
the black cat form.

Hephaestus didn't look up from where he was rebuilding a celphone. "It's a
compromise. By nature it fails to completely satisfy anyone."

"Rrrrr," Bast purred. "The fields he drew power from were 'crossovers', the
Jester here, your own mechanical inclinations, and mine. Are we agreed that
this is the best compromise we are likely to develop?"

Hephaestus *did* look up from his work. "Priest of Crossover Catgirls? What
about Androids and Marionettes, Cyborgs and Dragons? He's as much influence
so far around *those* groups as well."

"A bit clumsy," indicated Toltiir. "He's also become associated with
pokegirls and elves. Doesn't mean he should be considered a priest of 'em."

"Done, let's just get it over with. Let Grey's record be appended to show
him now as Priest of Crossover Catgirls," Fleece was tired of all this. "We
can add Cute Androids and Cyborgs later if there's need."

There was some grumbling, but the measure passed.

"On to more pressing business," Hephaestus grumbled, "what about the
instability of timeline RN-TF-201921?"

---Juuban----

Michiru raised her hands above her head in a slow and graceful movement like
a ballerina. Water seemed to form in the air, trailing from her fingertips
to gather together in a sphere before her. As the marid, Neptune, she had
other powers but water was her specialty.

Water shot off in streams, cleansing and splashing, removing the bits and
pieces remaining of a food fight.

Of course, this included the splatter on Rei. As that had been the only
thing holding her costume together, it fell apart. Rei was largely
unconcerned, though she made a casual gesture and reformed it after several
of the sumo fainted with massive nosebleeds.

Anything left was promptly cleaned, polished, and straightened up by an army
of French Maids who were otherwise waiting for someone to turn them back to
normal.

Queen Serenity surveyed the work, nodding occasionally.

"Setsuna-chan?" Grey began, then switched to English. "-Do you have any idea
what happened?-"

"-I am no longer Sailor Pluto, the Senshi of Time,-" Setsuna reminded Grey.
"-Still, I have *some* affinity with the Gate of Time, and lost contact
abruptly with my younger self. I'd say something was altered in the past and
we are seeing the effects. You'll notice that it only affected those who
have *current* Silver Millenium identities?-"

"-Then why is Ami wearing one of those harem outfits?-" Grey countered.

"-She asked the Queen for one. I'd imagine a lot of clothing against her fur
isn't comfortable.-" Setsuna repressed a moment of envy for how comfortable
Amieow and Mineko were with their feline transformations. "-You *do* realize
that the only reason Mineko isn't making good on her threats to steal you
off for a wild elopement is that Amieow wants to do that, and the Queen has
threatened to lock you in a glass tower to keep you safe.-"

"-Stop kidding around, Setsuna. This is serious.-" Grey briefly wondered why
Setsuna rolled her eyes and seemed to be asking the heavens for something
briefly, but maybe this was just some inside joke. "-We can't assume it's
something beneficial, can we?-"

"-You have a point,-" Setsuna reluctantly agreed. Actually she was rather
enjoying the sight of the officious Queen wearing very little and using her
powers to clean up a mess. Though mainly she was directing her "djinn" she
was utilizing her own powers to some extent.

Queen Serenity was aware of the scrutiny from one of her *former* djinn, and
decided to stop ignoring it. How Pluto could bear this change of status was
beyond her, but she could be brought back within the fold easily enough. And
standing next to her, looking impossibly young, was her old sha'ir and mate.
She should, perhaps, renew their acquaintance.

Grey was a little put off as Queen Serenity (currently wearing *that*)
walked towards them. She was a lot more casual about her power, and this was
not deemed a good thing. She had already used that Crystal when angry, which
was *definitely* a bad thing.

Queen Serenity's smile when she arrived was open and friendly, betraying
none of the usual "the weight of the Kingdom rests on my shoulders"
preoccupation and seriousness she normally had. "Pluto, Basalt-kun."

Setsuna automatically corrected her former liege. "I am Setsuna Meiou now,
Serenity, by your own hand was my identity as Pluto switched entirely to my
younger self."

There was a shimmer in the air, which solidified. Grey stared. Setsuna
boggled. The newcomer was the young teenage Sailor Pluto but wearing a
costume of deep greens similar to the Queens. Other than bracers and rings,
her arms were bare to the shoulders. Bikini top under an open front vest.
Bikini bottom with transparent leggings. Little anklet with chiming bells.
Who went to one knee before her liege.

Grey stared LOTS. Setsuna winced and considered covering Grey's eyes for a
moment. Then decided that his staring wasn't a *bad* thing, since that was a
younger *her* after all. Sort of. Kind of. Not really. Setsuna found her
hand had somehow (obviously of its own accord) managed to cover Grey's eyes.

"My liege, history has been altered," Pluto informed Serenity.

"How did this happen?" Serenity frowned, more for the familiar way that
Setsuna was touching *her* former sha'ir. Well, she could do something about
that. Besides, it couldn't have been a big change, everything seemed fine.

"Power was drained from some powerful source, altered, and the change
occurred with your own mother's personal history." Pluto continued to kneel,
but now looked up at Grey and considered briefly the possibility of draping
herself in a manner similar to what Moon was doing with Mamoru Chiba.

The teenage Chibiusa walking up caused Setsuna to forget about her
self-appointed task. Chibiusa *not* stuck as a child?

"Eeeep," managed Mamoru Chiba from where both Usagi and Rei were clinging to
him.

Serenity briefly considered the looks passing between the younger Pluto, the
older Setsuna, and the way the two catgirls in the background were sneaking
up and getting ready to pounce. Clearly a command decision, a royal
judgement, was needed. Well, the solution was obvious, wasn't it? "Very
well. You may have them, Basalt, do not forget though that I am Queen and my
needs are paramount."

"WHAT?!" To say that most of the untransformed girls were shocked was to
understate things greatly. Setsuna nearly facefaulted.

Serenity nodded her head, seeing the logic of her decision now. There would
be many occasions where her time and attention needed to be away from her
sha'ir, yet she could still benefit from him being near to hand. For advice
and the like. Yes - and she could well use this to further her own agendas.
"Neptune, Uranus!"

The two lovers appeared, the ocean marid and the djinn of retribution.

Serenity's eyes swept the room. Mercury was currently a catgirl, as was
Venus, Saturn and Jupiter were watching the antics of Serenity Moon II,
Mars, and Endymion. Phobos, Deimos, that samurai girl, the two constructs,
and some girl who was getting "deep in her cups" with a bottle of sake.
Hmmmm. "Neptune, Uranus, your relationship is well known to Us, and We have
only one problem with it. You both need to produce Heirs. To that end, you
shall join Endymion's hareem."

Uranus and Neptune both looked slyly over at where Endymion was being tugged
in two different directions by Mars and Serenity's daughter. Neptune was the
first to smile and respond. "That we would then be close at hand to guard
the Princess at all hours of day and night is a mere side benefit, isn't
it?"

Serenity smiled similarly. "We well know my daughter would want to prove
such things unnecessary, so it would not do to bring this to her attention."

"Understood," said Uranus with a smirk and a look towards Neptune. On the
marid's nod, the two stood and went to go acquaint the three with news of
their new duties.

Serenity considered the tangle surrounding Basalt. "It is necessary that we
produce Heirs, so the solution is obvious. Where is Obsidian?"

-------

Miles away, Obsidian twitched. "Damn. What could give *me* the chills?!"

The Wizard began to stir.

Obsidian didn't waste further time or attention to details. This was old hat
to the ancient barbarian.

The Wizard was still groggy and tried to use his typical attacks, not even
bothering to wonder what had happened to his faceless minion monsters.

Sword (or knife, or axe) wielding barbarian "hero" + evil wizard = a really
old story.

After finishing up, Morgan Wright, aka Obsidian, alias the Knight Of Fear,
whistled a little tune and started turning off the lights.

A whimsical muse reached him and he turned towards the cooling body of the
Wizard. "Ah, lad. All sorts of protection against magic, against energy,
against gods and demons and all sorts of things. Isn't it amazing what ye
can do with a mere foot of good hard steel?"

Morgan laughed, throwing a knife that would trigger one of the less
spectacular self-destruct mechanisms. "And didn't you know? Even the
greatest wizard's style is crimped by a knife in the back."

Morgan smiled all the way back to Mugen High School. Frankly, he thought the
quality of opponents nowadays just reeked. Nothing like the old days.

-------

Grey continued to stare, what higher functions he had having gone offline
after Serenity's pronouncement.

"Absolutely, positively, *not* me!" Mamoru Chiba was in many ways, the
Prince. He was intelligent and well versed in a number of subjects,
handsome, tall, and acquainted with a wide range of courtly skills. He was
also pretty sure that he could *not* handle a group marriage.

Usagi apparently picked up on his misgivings. "That's right, just me and
Rei!"

Rei nodded at this, apparently quite satisfied with the arrangement as well.

Mamoru Chiba didn't like this idea, but had to admit that if he could limit
himself to only TWO fiancees, he had a better chance of survival.

"Well, that leaves Obsidian and Basalt as sha'ir..." Serenity considered.
"The sha'ir of duty, the sha'ir of fear."

Grey momentarily rallied. "i'm not a Knight anymore," he tried hopefully.

"Sha'ir," corrected Serenity, reaching out and affectionately tousling
"Basalt's" hair as she paced back and forth.

Grey was shocked back into immobility, this (relatively at least) casual
laidback Serenity a drastic contrast from both his brief meeting and
Basalt's memories.

"Hmmmm," hmmed Serenity as she considered. "There is an obvious solution."

"I object," objected Setsuna Meiou.

"I also object," said Amieow.

Serenity opened her mouth to reply, closed it to watch something occurring
elsewhere in the room, then felt she had to say something. "Miss Aino. If
you would refrain from biting any more people, particularly while We are
engaged in matters of import, it would be appreciated."

"She started it," mumbled Mineko from where she was tangled on the floor
with Kasumi.

"Perhaps, but it is quite distracting." Serenity pondered briefly, then
looked around. "Interesting..." Eyes that were attuned to magic looked
around and found patterns. This had potential uses, but she would have to
think about the benefits versus the liabilities.

Finding a young Setsuna in a skimpy outfit on one side, and a more mature
one leaning close on the other side, while being glomped by a purring
Amieow, Grey wasn't coherent - much less able to offer intelligent
conversation at the moment.

Serenity considered things briefly. "Fine. Until we settle things down a bit
more, we'll go with engagements, and we'll discuss this more fully later.
Somewhere that that poor manager won't be having fits about the presence of
so many djinn, We think."

"That's very considerate of you, your Majesty," Setsuna was again surprised.
Serenity had been an absolute ruler, and a certain degree of detachment from
one's subjects was necessary to perform that role efficiently. She was
beginning to like this Serenity.

Serenity shrugged. "Be that as it may, as We have utilized Our powers, as
well as some of our Djinn, frankly, We could use some rest. Anyway, subject
to later negotiation, We shall propose this: Endymion, the sha'ir of hope
and renewal, shall be engaged to Princess Serenity II, Mars, Neptune, and
Uranus. As he is currently fulltime in college and Our daughter can be
rather... demanding, he shall get off easily. Besides, as a Prince, he may
have to take others into his hareem when the time arrives."

"Eeeep," eeped Mamoru, quite aware of the looks he was being given from the
four named genie.

"Obsidian, the sha'ir of fear and destruction," Serenity continued, a faint
smile indicating her amusement at Mamoru's reaction, "is not exactly the
sort to accept a hareem in any case." Her eyes swept the group, obviously
deciding who to engage to Obsidian.

*Zoop!* (That being the sound of a large number of genie and catgirls
suddenly scooting very close to the only other male currently present and
unaccounted for.)

Noting that neither of her advisors had moved to the large pile of
sweatdropping and anxiously smiling girls surrounding an about-to-faint
fifteen year old boy, Serenity was a little surprised. "Very well. Luna and
Artemis will be engaged to Obsidian. Chibiusa is too young for consideration
at this time."

Artemis was already fairly pale. She turned considerably paler and fainted.
Luna looked fairly close to fainting herself. "B-b-b-but..."

"No 'buts' Luna," said Serenity with a gracious nod of her head. "You've
been in need of some serious relaxation and to loosen up some. We prescribe
a long honeymoon. Enjoy."

"b-b-b-but?!" Luna continued, turning quite pale at the prospect.

"This is unacceptable," said Serenity after looking at the crowd briefly.
"However, it shall have to do for now. Frankly, We are getting a headache.
My Djinn, follow. We think to restore Our energy and best prepare for future
endeavors, We should plan a vacation."

"'Vacation'?" Setsuna pronounced. Getting Serenity to schedule downtime for
just an afternoon would have been difficult.

"Yes, we can't leave the Gate of Time unguarded of course, but perhaps Obsid
ian would fill in for Pluto," pondered Serenity out loud. "Well, shall we
reconvene at that charming little shrine tonight?"

Rei was clearly not too sure how to react to "charming little shrine."

Serenity walked out the door, only to pause just on the other side until her
Senshi and advisors (Luna dragging Artemis) followed.

Amieow waved a hand in front of Setsuna's eyes, then did the same for Grey.
"Looks like they're both out of it."

Mineko nodded and smiled, showing her cute little fangs. "Tell ya what, you
grab Setsuna, and I'll grab Grey, and we take 'em to the Shrine."

Sakura cleared her throat. "How do we know you're not just going to run off
with him again and start another... oh bother."

The blonde blur cleared the doorway and was moving quickly.

A blue blur was rapidly on her tail (literally in this case.)

---------

Obsidian sighed contentedly and crushed an empty beer can against his
forehead. Admittedly, it would have been more impressive if the can had been
full, but the Knight of Fear had more respect for the beverage than that.

He spent a few moments in admiration of the Japanese vending machine.

You could get cold beer, hot sake, both varieties of coffee, and darn near
anything else you wanted to look for via the vending machines that seemed to
sprout like weeds from almost every vacant lot and most major street
corners. You could even get such items as combs, toothbrushes, and Lysol(tm)
wipes at the row of vending machines at the rail stations.

Though there were two drinks, Calpis and Pocari Sweat, that he was planning
on avoiding like the plague.

The Knight grinned at the usual "Japlish" on the signs. Vermont Curry?! Oh
yeah, Vermont was *known* for its curry. "with apples and honey" ?! In
CURRY?!

"--aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa--" *ZOOOM!*

Obsidian stared after the image. "That looked like a blonde catgirl,
carrying Grey, heading for Roppongi?"

*Zooom!* "WAIT!"

"Ami's back in town?!" Obsidian noted at this blur.

*Zip!* *Whoosh!* *Vrrooom!* *pedal pedal pedal*

"And that was that crazy samurai chick, the woman who used to be Sailor
Pluto, Kisaragi on a motorcycle, and Nuku Nuku on a bicycle." Obsidian
considered the chase sequence and thought about joining it briefly.
"Naahhhhhh."

-------

The director frowned. "So we got the tape? Everyone's been paid? The
restaurant manager's satisfied because his restaurant is getting
international advertising?"

The talent agent fretted a little. "Ah, yeah."

"So why are the samurai still grumbling?"

"They felt the sumo got more screentime."

"And the Yaks?"

"Want to redo the chase sequence."

"And the sumo?"

"Hideyoshi feels that the spirit of sumo was not properly maintained during
the battle, and wants to suggest that more traditional Japanese foods be
used."

"I see. How do you say 'they're idiots' in Japanese?"

--------

Serenity noticed the looks she was getting, determined the cause, and
changed her clothes to more civilian garb. This caused even more muttering
and murmurring.

Mamoru was looking stricken. Haruka and Michiru were making all sorts of
suggestions as to how to spice up his performance. Usagi was... taking
notes? Hmmm.

"Everyone, shift your clothes to the odd garb of this culture. We don't want
to alarm the locals overmuch." Serenity suggested with a wink.

"A little late for that," grumbled Mamoru, who was being ignored by
everyone.

Several sparkling nifty light shows later, people were fleeing the group
despite their relatively normal costumes now.

"No pleasing some people," observed Serenity. "Oh well, no accounting for
taste."

*Zooom!*

Serenity blinked. "We must be more tired than previously guessed."

*Zoom!* *Zip!* *Whoosh!* *Vroom!* *pedal pedal pedal*

The Djinn Queen appended her earlier statement. "We must be a LOT more tired
than we had previously guessed."

"Don't tell me she's *still* trying to elope with Grey-san," commented
Usagi. Then brightened and exchanged a look with Rei. Mamoru *really* began
to sweat.

"Okay," said Hotaru, making a mental note not to belabor the obvious with
Usagi. "Excuse me, I've got to interrupt this."

Makoto looked back and forth for a moment, conflicting desires running
through her head.

Serenity noted that everyone else was seeing the same thing that she had
first attributed to tiredness, then shrugged. "Well, it *is* her night,
after all. If she wants to spend it running around town, let her."

-------

The problem was that cheetahs were sprinters, not long distance runners.
While Mineko had enjoyed the chase, her endurance had just abruptly come to
an end.

"This is getting old," said Grey, wrestling the blonde catgirl into a
Fireman's Carry position.

As they were already almost there, he walked down the hallway and opened the
door.

"Man, the Japanese can be *awfully* tacky when they set their mind to it."
Grey looked around the room just long enough to locate the round bed, and
then lower Mineko gently to it before crossing to the crescent moon-shaped
sofa to rest.

Tacky was first impression, and it certainly seemed to fit. There was a
certain morbid curiosity, though, and so Grey looked over the place.

He understood that love hotels were developed because making out in the back
seat of one's car was not even vaguely possible in Japan. Driving *anywhere*
was difficult, parking out of the way was unlikely and would take hours in
any case - destroying any spontanaeous feel, and that the Japanese were
hardly given to anything approaching public affection anyway - unless they
were catgirls or something apparently.

Hence the love hotel, which was significantly different from the "no tell
motels" of America. Not that he'd been in one, other than hearing "the guys"
talk back in school. For one, these had the usual attention to cleanliness
levels of the Japanese, and as far as he knew none of the American variety
went with the concept of "theme rooms." Except maybe in Vegas. You could
never tell with some of the stories of Las Vegas.

The one he'd been in earlier with Ami had been pretty nondescript. This was
anything but. Oddly enough, Grey thought it was the same building.

The bed that Mineko was currently snoring on was round and had a bedsheet
that resembled the lunar landscape. The couch that Grey was sitting on was
yellow and crescent shaped. It was, as a look at the various pictures, odd
equipment in a rack by the bed, and some of the furniture, a Sailor Moon
themed room.

Getting up, he pushed the top button on a row of buttons along the bed's
headboard. The bed, with the still snoring Mineko, began to rotate slowly.
Another button slid open a closet full of multicolored Senshi Sailor
uniforms. Though there were some odd liberties taken with these uniforms.
Why would you put zippers THERE?!

"Nyaaa....?! What the heck?!" Amieow walked in the still open door and
STARED around her.

"I'm not sure why Mineko wanted to show me this, unless she thought it was
amusing." Grey had to admit it *was* kind of fascinating. So garishly and
unrepentantly tacky that it drew the eye from one bit of flash to the next.

Others began filing in, and it was easy to see how. While Mineko had been
fast enough to outdistance everyone but Setsuna, Amieow was sniffing the
room. She'd followed Mineko's scent, and everyone else had followed her.

"Nyaow?!" Amieow was looking at the life sized statue of Sailor Mercury with
an expression that was equal parts nausea and fascination. "I *never* posed
for *that*! Especially like that. And my, errr, talent..."

"My goodness," agreed Setsuna. Whoever it was, they had only done the
Inners. She decided to be relieved that she wasn't represented rather than
insulted that she wasn't included.

"If Mars or Moon could see this, there would nosebleeds," commented Makoto
before her gaze turned to what Amieow was looking at. "Eeeek! What is my
statue doing to *your* statue?!"

"Getting ready for a swim? The breaststroke, maybe," punned Amieow.

"We are NOT THAT WAY!" Makoto shouted, getting really tired of that
implication. "I like TALL GUYS, damn it."

Grey took refuge in other activity. He hadn't noticed the statues,
especially with the mural on the ceiling. So he just flipped Mineko so her
tail was up and then started using those massage techniques. "-You suppose
this was what she was after?-"

There was a brief facefault from all those who understood English.

Setsuna stopped examining the statues of Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars, and
looked over at Grey briefly. "-Well, she *has* been running a lot. So I'd
imagine the back of her thighs are a bit tight... Oh my word.-" Setsuna had
just spotted the ceiling.

"Eeek!" "Eeep!" "That's anatomically impossible... I think." "I do NOT go
there! Especially THERE!" "That's kinda disgusting... alarming... oh heck,
just plain SICK." "...and why Sailor Suits anyway?!"

Queen Serenity arrived, Usagi and Chibiusa in tow. After a stunned moment,
everyone started covering Chibiusa's eyes.

"Damn, she's really tight here," Grey said, moving to Mineko's lower legs.
Her purring was loud enough to be heard out in the hallway.

Amieow performed a quick medical exam on Mineko, peeling an eye back and
checking the pupil, and looking over what Grey was doing. "She's okay.
Exhaustion and muscle cramps from the look. Hmmm. Interesting technique."

"-What?-"

Setsuna examined the work. "Hmmm? Not very experienced, but he's using a ki
technique? Strong hands too. Quite interesting."

It was safer to focus on what was going on regarding the massage technique
than the furnishings. Suddenly everyone was focussed on *that*.

"What's a ki technique?" asked Usagi.

Setsuna was about to make a long involved explanation dealing with Eastern
mysticism, ki and chi and planes of force. Then remembered she was speaking
to Usagi. "Projected life force."

"Ah," said Usagi, nodding as if she understood.

Rei covered her eyes. "You didn't understand that at all, did you, Usagi?"

Usagi looked up at the ceiling, remembered why she wasn't looking at
anything else in the room right now, and focussed on the massage. "Nope."

Amieow considered carefully. "-I'm next!-"

Grey stared for a moment, then shrugged and went back to work.

Serenity had a different question. "Would someone explain to me why my genie
are depicted in such ridiculous costumes? And doing things like *that*?!"

===============

omake*omake*omake*omake

once again with an attempt to radically depart from the standard "Meet The
Tendos" opening. Reworking of an earlier attempt.

TAKE TWO: KITTENS OMAKE

Soun nodded to himself as his three daughters dutifully gathered. He
schooled himself to try and restrain himself from getting too emotional at
this moment. When they were finally settled down, he merely produced the
postcard. "Ranma is coming."

*snatch!*

Akane stared at the card now in Nabiki's hands. "He's coming?!" *bounce
bounce bounce*

"Oh, thank goodness," Kasumi said, wiping away tears. "I'm not getting any
younger, you know."

"Finally! Thank the kami!" Nabiki made a note to visit a temple and light
some incense. Ever practical, Nabiki shot a glance at her father. "You'll
deal with that father of his?"

Soun nodded, a gleam entering his eyes. Bonds of friendship forged through
mutual suffering was one thing, but to harm HIS little girls... Soun Tendo
might be a blubbering weenie but he was a blubbering weenie who had his
limits.

Kidnapping his little girls so they could be thrown into a pit with some
other girls and starved so that Genma could try and teach his son some lame
martial arts manuever had not sat well with Soun Tendo. Nope.

Nabiki was mumbling with an eerie light in her eyes. "...and I will pet him
and pat him and love him and squeeze him and rub his tummy and..."

Kasumi was listening to Nabiki and nodding. Sounded like a game plan. Akane
merely continued to bounce around like Tigger.

A commotion out front served to penetrate Soun's reverie.

"That must be them!" Akane squealed, rushing for the door.

*THWAM* *THWAM* *TRAMPLE* *TRAMPLE*

A panda groaned from the ground where it had been knocked down, then run
over. A redhaired girl moaned likewise from the same treatment.

"Where is he?" Kasumi asked, feeling *very* disappointed. "Oh... poor
Ranma... I'm sure he hasn't been eating well. I..." *sniff* *sniff*

Akane stopped prowling the compound as well and began sniffing. "That
scent!"

Nabiki, with the sharpest senses, dropped next to the girl and began
sniffing her. "Smells like Ranma - but the hormones are different."

"oooooo." The redhead propped herself up and tried to focus on the fuzzy
shape sniffing at her. "Nabiki?! I..."

Nabiki was joined by her two sisters who continued to sniff. After the girl
passed out again, a decision was reached.

-----------

Ranma awoke and shot to the ceiling in a single motion.

Nabiki looked up at where Ranma was clinging to the ceiling. "Nyaa. I told
you not to groom him *there*, Akane."

Akane merely smiled and licked her lips.

Kasumi merely crouched down and prepared to spring.

"Hey, waitaminute, I..." Ranma managed before three catgirls pounced on him
and commenced cuddling. It was just cuddling, though. Well, Akane seemed to
be a little suggestive there.

Soun watched for a few moments, wiping tears from his eyes. "That's the way!
Don't take no for an answer. Ah, you do your father proud!"

"What are they doing, Tendo?" Genma mumbled from where his head had been
imbedded in the ceiling.

"Well, Saotome, you know how the Master cast that spell on my wife - turning
her into a semihuman animal? And how my daughters are fortunately more human
than Kimiko ended up, but are still catgirls?"

More mumbling from Genma that sounded like an agreement. After all, it had
been that cute lil' catgirl Ukyo who had thrown the martial arts training
manual in that canal. With the ink wet and pages stuck together, Genma had
needed to rely on educated guesses as to the contents.

"Well, legally, they can't marry Ranma," said Soun in a sad voice. "Not in
Japan, anyway. Yet. However, he *can* adopt them as his pets and if children
develop it will prove that they *are* human. Tails and ears and fur and
claws not withstanding."

"mmmmmf!" Genma protested.

"By the way, Saotome, I just made a few calls." Soun smiled at how well his
daughters were getting along with Ranma. There may be new kits on the way
before long, at least if Akane had *her* say in the matter. Such a perverted
little kitty she was.

"Calls?" Genma said, still trying to get his head out of the ceiling.

"Yes. When you rounded up all those daughters of victims of Happosai's
'sexpet curse' experiments to use that pit of catgirls, you certainly made
an impression on them and their families. Did it work, by the way?"

"Uhmm. No. Not really," said Genma from his position. "Instead of being
starved for three days and then attacking my son to get the fish sausages
tied to his body, they instead apparently took the sausages off and cuddled
with him to get warm and due to some odd affectionate instinct. I tried
everything, Tendo. Fish paste, salmon cakes, catnip. I starved them for
almost a week once. They didn't attack him. They *bonded* with him. It got
so that he was begging to be thrown into the pit just so he 'could feed the
kitties'. Shameful. What a worthless son!"

"And then, when they tried to escape *with* Ranma, you beat them down," said
Soun, eyeing his friend as if the overweight man was a pinata and the
shinnai in his hands would be used to break it open.

"I *had* to, Tendo! It was for the sake of The Art!" Genma paused in his
efforts to work himself free. "Errr. Waitaminute. What phone calls?"

"Oh, that cute lil kitten Ukyo works nearby," said Soun casually. "Then
there's those girls from Juuban. Though I don't expect those girls from that
village of warrior catgirls (Nekojoketsuzoku?) to arrive here for quite some
time yet."

*DING DONG!*

Genma froze as the front doorbell rang. Then, on hearing an angry feminine
voice, finally managed to rip his head free of the ceiling. He had to reach
up to pull his glasses out, and the sight that was then revealed was *not*
very comforting.

There was the lionlike Katsumi, err, Kasumi. Pleasant little smile on her
face while she looked on. There was the housecatlike Nabiki, eyes narrowed
and gleaming. There was the tiger-striped Akane, teeth gleaming and claws
extended.

There was also a number of other girls: some catgirls, a foxgirl, a pair of
bunnygirls, a mousegirl, and a few other types. All looking very very
peeved.

Soun sighed and cleared out of the way. "Comfort yourself with this,
Saotome. My daughters and your son will likely get along very well. And what
they do to you is only practice for when and if the Master ever returns.
Girls? Try to clean up after you're done."

"Tendo?" Genma blinked as his old buddy Soun walked off without a backwards
glance. He couldn't actually be...

Somehow Genma *knew* that the Crouch of the Wild Tiger wasn't going to get
him out of this.

------click------

Kuno stood before the gates of the school. Here were the two abominations,
joined by their sister this time! Clearly this could not be tolerated.

"Hold, thou mockeries of humanity! The noble Tatewaki Kuno defends this
institution from thy influence! The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High shall not
tolerate thy presence in the hallowed halls of learning. Animals such as
yourselves need only learn obediance to thy master, and the great Blue
Thunder doth think that only he can put thee in thy proper place."

"Geez, is this guy fond of hearing himself talk or what?" Ranma frowned as
he noticed how the girls had cringed at this guy's posturing. What had this
moron done to them?

"You there!" Kuno pointed his bokken at the boy standing with the catgirls.
"How dare you address these subhumans so familiarly. Only by being properly
owned by myself can their fate be salvaged!"

"Huh? Oh, I'm Ranma Saotome. Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. And
well..."

Akane saw the chance for mischief and to distance herself from Kuno. Just
because she *was* a fierce tigress didn't mean she wanted to have Kuno keep
up with this stuff. "He's staying with us. And he's my little Ranma-chan!"
*GLOMP!* *SNUGGLE!* *PURRRRRRRRR!*

"Hey! Waitaminute!" Ranma protested but it was too late. "I never agreed
to..."

*GLOMP!* *GLOMP!*

Steam practically shot out of Kuno's ears as he saw the three catgirls
hugging themselves to this interloper. "You... you... FIEND! I SHALL SMITE
THEE!"

Three cats looked up as one, letting go of Ranma.

*SLICE!* *BITE!* *SLASH!*

Kuno was still staring at the nub of his bokken, his clothes falling
shredded around him, while Kasumi delicately cleaned the blood from her
mouth where she'd bitten his arm. "ouch..."

Akane grabbed the front of Kuno's hakama and dragged his head down to eye
level with her. Her ears were back, her teeth were bared, her eyes narrowed,
and her claws were fully extended. She didn't look happy, in other words.
"Kuno. How *dare* you threaten my Ranma!"

"...but I wanted to be the one to defeat him in a casual yet aggravating
manner," sulked Ranma.

Akane glared deeply into Kuno's eyes. "You threaten my Ranma again and
you'll regret it."

"...*our* Ranma," corrected Nabiki. She was the neko ninja, after all. Akane
would likely hurt Kuno, whereas Nabiki could be very clever in her means of
vengeance.

Kuno broke out of the hold, leaving Akane clutching a torn piece of cloth in
her hand. "I shall not tolerate this! I..."

"Hurrrrr?! Someone's threatening *my* Ranchan?" Cute little kitten Ukyo's
eyes were slits as she stalked forward, having just arrived, transfer papers
getting tucked into her bookbag.

"Morons is for killing," suggested Shampoo, stalking forward with Ukyo.

"Morons is for killing?" Ukyo said speculatively.

"It has a ring to it," agreed Akane.

"Morons is for killing," mused Nabiki, picturing t-shirts with the logo.
Hmmm.

Kuno pulled a spare bokken out of nowhere. "Know that you face the
undefeated Blue Thunder. I shall prove my prowess and free thee of this
unwanted ownership. Then we may..."

Battle auras flared. Claws were extended. Tatewaki Kuno got hurt.

Ranma sulked some more. "...but *I* wanted to fight..."

Meanwhile, Akane (acting on ancient instincts) was currently digging a nice
big hole to drag the school's unconscious star kendoist in.

It was instinct, of course. Not planned at all. Nope. Akane was a nice kitty
after all. The others joining in was also likely just instinct.

Right?

===========


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