[SM/Xover][FanFic] A Soldier's Duty, chapter 18 + omake

[metro...@mindspring.com]

A Soldier's Duty, chapter 18

"If the heart of a man is depress'd with cares, the mist is dispell'd when a
woman appears." -The Beggar's Opera (1728)

"Hey, waitaminute, this was only supposed to last twelve chapters!" - the
author.

"I am not a thief, I'm a Wealth Redistribution Specialist." - Tandel the
Lynx

DISCLAIMER: Characters and settings used in a eclectic manner ahead. Some
scenes by Skysaber, others by myself.

---------

Ami *could* have spent time analyzing this dream, fitting it all into either
a Freudian or Jungian philosophy. She had tried this earlier with some
success.

Her blue-maned catgirl sister would be her emotional feminine inner "wild
child" - an affectionate bundle of energy. One who had clearly stated her
interest in Grey-san, which might mean that she herself *was* interested in
him on some level. Though it would clearly not work due to a lack of things
in common.

"The Queen Of Hearts,
She made some tarts,
All on a summer's day,
The Knave Of Hearts,
He took those tarts,
to his seraglio to stay!"

Ami was pretty sure that this was *not* how the original had gone. Nor was
she a "Replacement Tart, Third Class" as those playing cards had continued
to insist.

Only the fact that her cute and cuddlesome emotional self had functional
claws and wasn't afraid to use them had kept Ami from being taken "off to
the Tart Factory"!

No, this was *not* how Lewis Carroll's work had gone. Ami was quite sure of
it.

---------

Grey held his hands out to either side and tried to quell the butterflies
battling in his stomach. Or at least get them to declare a cease-fire.

"You're a cleric, which means you have to channel magical force from
offplane," lectured a white teddy bear. "Let the power flow through you as
if you're a pipe carrying water. The words and gestures are needed mainly to
ease and shape the flow."

Grey tried to shut out the annoyingly cute voice of the shikigami.

Mamoru didn't drink, except the occasional cup of rice wine during Shinto
ceremonies and festivals like the Sakura Viewing parties, and even then he
barely imbibed enough to observe the event. Listening to a care bear
lecturing a minor Knight on AD&D game mechanics, Mamoru briefly toyed with
the idea of hitting a bottle of aforementioned rice wine.

The stuffed dog waggled its tail. "Rowf."

Mamoru groaned.

"Are you sure about this, Endymion?" Grey asked. "If this works, you'll have
to solve the problem and say the magic words. Usagi isn't going to be happy
either."

Mamoru winced. "Chibiusa is my daughter. In the future, at least. I can't
leave her to roll around in some room waiting to have the blueberry juice
squeezed out of her."

"Fine," said Grey, taking a deep breath. "Let's try this."

"No," argued the teddy bear. "There is no 'try' - just do."

Mamoru hefted Rei's stereo remote and considered using it as a missile
weapon briefly.

"Open gates of time and space,
Into dreamscape prison place,
Travel now, bringing key,
Unfairly prisoned may be free."

The book began glowing as the magic was channelled into it. Mamoru stopped
considering braining a teddy bear, and just glared once before entering
"Chibiusa & The Chocolate Factory."

---------

"I'm not sure about this..." Celeste hazarded.

Jared shrugged, working controls. "Look, it's perfectly alright. I'm NOT
screwing around with anything, I'm just making sure I'm NOT failing in my
own duties! I'd be a perfectly pathetic leader if I'd failed to tell my
followers what was expected of them. And I'm NOT blowing the test, either!
Just giving him the basics to do his job and fulfill his duties right."

Celeste squirmed, she hated to be overruled and had come to consider this
simulation as her own province. Meddlers were not welcome. She sighed. But
then this case could hardly count as meddling. Jared was right, he had a
perfect right. Even a responsibility.

As someone used to coping, she resolved to just accept this one.

Jared hit the 'Enter' Key.

Celeste sucked in her lower lip, questioning. It would occur as soon as he'd
resolved his current crisis, but there were aspects of this she wasn't sure
of. "But are you *sure* of the choice of messenger?"

Jared's grin was back in place as he leaned back. "Well, in a way it was
*Grey* who chose him..."

------

Morrigan frowned.

"Come in, Little Red Riding Hood."

"Boy, have *you* got the wrong girl," remarked Morrigan Aenslad, unfolding
her wings.

The wolf in the gray wig and comforter blinked. "'Ey now, Little Red Riding
Hood, Wot happened? You got quite a bit bigger." The wolf licked his lips
hungrily.

Morrigan was a succubus. She therefore had some shapeshifting abilities. She
lengthened her teeth and made them all sharp and sparkly.

"Uhm, say, Little Red Riding Hood, uhm, those are some pretty sharp looking
teeth you've got." The wolf frowned a little, not used to being confronted
with bigger teeth.

"The better to rend succulent wolf flesh from its bones," said Morrigan.
Another gesture and her hands shifted to long claws that looked stained with
old blood.

The wolf considered those claws carefully. Reminded him of his mum, it did.
Not to mince words, but she was a real bitch. "Oh my, Not So Little Red
Riding Hood. What nasty looking claws you've got there."

"The better to slash open wolves and make sausages out of their innards,"
speculated Morrigan, who caused her eyes to glow a brilliant red.

"Oh dear," said the wolf. "You aren't Little Red Riding Hood at all are
you?"

"Nope."

"Is it too late for me to run screaming from the house?"

"Nope."

"Oh," said the wolf. Who then leapt from the covers and proceeded to flee at
all speed back to his den.

The moral of the story being that it's possible to get a clue before it's
too late.

---------

The first girl's voice was soft, quiet, and *usually* emotionless. There was
a hint of emotion there now. "I wish to register a protest."

"What Wonder Girl here said!" The second voice was usually quite emotional,
and was neither soft nor quiet. Nor was it usually.

Celeste groaned and put the simulation on automatic. "What NOW?!"

"Me and Wonder Girl have been in the running here, howcum *we* aren't in the
simulation?"

"At the beginning of all this, neither of you made the appointment," Celeste
countered. "You were late and disqualified."

"We gave a message to that blonde girl that we'd be a little late," Asuka
Langley Soryuu replied, her haughty edge beginning to show signs of coming
apart. "We had a chance to verify what would happen if we were returned to
our original timeline, just as if Grey had never come cruising in and
mucking things up."

"Oh," said Celeste, figuring that someone was about to become unglued.

*Sniffle.*

For Rei Ayanami, the tear tracks forming and trembling were the equivelant
of Asuka ripping clumps of hair off and going into a fetal position. "I...
don't want to be a mass murderer..."

"Yeah, and the idea of me..." Asuka went into the ending of Evangelion in
great detail. "That is NOT something I want to have happen."

"Don't worry. You won't remember any of it," Celeste said, completely
without guile. "Standard policy."

"That's not the point," argued Asuka, her eyes getting wild. "That's
completely NOT the point. Look, Shinji's a spineless wimp. Kinda nice, but
that's it. But... and then... and in a... ocean of blood and..."

Celeste looked on in some concern as Asuka started twitching a lot.
Perfectly normal end to an Evangelion timeline, why be upset over it? "It
would only be a few years. Shinji has no skill at farming or food gathering,
and his medical knowledge is minimal."

Asuka whimpered, the facade of the Germanic primadonna she'd once been
crumbling away entirely.

Rei let out a deep breath. "Well, if we can't find another means, how about
we simply transfer to a timeline that doesn't end quite so... unhappily?"

"It's your native timeline, and how things would normally have turned out."
Celeste pondered for a few moments. "I'll see what I can turn up."

---------

The book glowed, dissolved, and Mamoru appeared with Chibiusa.

Or at least a four foot girth blueberry, with Chibiusa's head, feet, and
hands sticking out of it.

Chibiusa was very... well, upset didn't seem quite to cover it. Bawling was
likewise inadequate. Loud will do for now. Yes, Chibiusa was very loud.
Extremely and unequivocally loud about it. Also inarticulate for the most
part.

Grey signalled Mamoru, who rolled his daughter off into a room where a
talking teddy bear could try and calm her down.

"I didn't expect *that*," confessed Mamoru on his return.

"So that's my granddaughter. Healthy set of lungs at least." Grey shrugged.
"Either Queen Serenity or Usagi can try returning her to normal."

Mamoru winced at the thought of Usagi finding Chibiusa like this. The
teasing would likely continue for some time.

"Well, at least we know that anything that happens to them in these
'Dreamscapes' carries over now." Grey tried to put a positive spin on it.

"Who are *you* going after? You're going to upset some girls just because
you're not going after them first." Mamoru tried to think of a way around
it.

"Look at this situation," Grey said, holding a book open. "I don't think I
can wait."

----------

Hotaru looked through the bars of her cage at the "pie pan" that bore a
vague resemblence to a coffin without the lid.

The Witch checked the pot bubbling on the stove and tasted the mixture.
"Perfect."

"I really don't think this is appropriate behavior," squealed an eight year
old Misato Katsuragi from HER cage.

"Human flesh contains all sorts of health risks. A balanced diet would be
much better for someone of your age," a likewise youthened Ritsuko Akagi
tried. "If you let me go, I'd be happy to see if I could find you the proper
ingredients."

"Abandoning your friends to be my dinner? My badness, what an evil young
thing you are," the witch said, turning to regard the caged kids. "I'm
sorely tempted. However, once you've been converted in my oven - you'll make
a most excellent side dish."

Maya Ibuki merely glared at her former sempai and refrained from pointing
out that visiting the Shrine to spy out the situation had been HER idea.
Therefore, their being included in this ridiculous situation was all the
fault of one Ritsuko Akagi.

"Now, who should I start with?" The Kaolinite lookalike considered the four
little girls. "Would it be better to save the sweets for later, or maybe a
tender young morsel, or even start with... Yes, you'll do."

A knock on the door interrupted the dinner preparations.

"Go away! I'm just fixing dinner!" The Witch yelled, counting on the mute
spells to keep her dinner from screaming for help.

The knock on the door sounded again.

"Oh fuss and bother," grumbled the witch as she walked to the door. "If it's
not one thing, it's another."

Hotaru ignored the whispered recriminations between two of her fellow
prisoners. If only she could transform as she had that once, but how had she
actually done it? And as soon as they'd been caged, they'd turned younger
like this. Maybe this was to keep her from being able to transform?

"Whatever it is, I don't need any," said the witch, opening up the door just
a crack. "Oh. HELLO!"

"Hi, i'm from the Witches' Anti-Defamation League, and in order to keep
public opinion from escalating against Witches, i'm here on their behalf to
request you cease and desist in certain practices and dietary choices."

Grey knew that you had to adapt and go with the setting to some extent. Once
he'd gotten here, he'd found himself a little peasant boy in threadbare
clothing. So he'd tried shaping and summoning the power before getting here,
and thought he had a plan. The spell had brought him something unexpected,
but the wording had been for an escape. So maybe...

Finding himself grabbed up and thrust within a cage was a bit unnerving,
particularly with the smells in the tiny cottage.

"Sempai, you came for me?" Hotaru asked through the intervening cage bars.

"Some rescue," Ritsuko moaned.

"Wan! Wan!"

The Witch looked puzzled and went to the door, peeking out. Then turning
pale (including her hair) and leaning against said door. "D-d-d-dog. BIG
dog. Big big big dog."

Grey reached out to hand something to Hotaru as soon as the Witch's
attention was off them.

Hotaru frowned at the pen in her hands. Did her sempai want her to make out
a Will?

"Say the words," said Grey. "I've never used one, but they should come to
you automatically."

Hotaru's eyes widened. She had this sudden urge to say something silly.
"Saturn Planet Power. Make UP!"

"Eeeek!" The Witch was a little surprised at the sudden lightshow. Not to
mention that dinner now had a polearm. "Little girls shouldn't play with
blades. Let Granny take that nasty bad stick away, dearie."

"Silence Glaive Surprise!"

The Witch was VERY surprised, though briefly.

----------

Edema had selected attempting to clean the Pheonix Mage's toes via suction
applied to his lips, and was in the act of so doing - hands roaming all over
those areas where permission was most in question, and figuring that after
all of her trouble chasing him that a little paralysis powder had certainly
been in order and not at all worse than what he did, when Thor wandered by.

The redhaired thunder god saw the two, had the Pheonix Mage's reputation run
briefly through his mind, waved his hammer idly over the couple, and said
"get a room." Teleporting the pair of them off to the bed of a love hotel in
that sort of heaven with their wedding certificate floating idly down over
the pair of them.

Edema's eyes were wide with shock as her lips had frozen in mid
tonsillectomy.

The paralysis powder used to get the mage to sit still in one place long
enough for her to smooch him chose that moment to wear off - probably the
adrenaline had something to do with it.

Jared spoke around the encumbrance of Edema's lips. "I think I'm going to go
insane now. I think I've earned it. No offense to you, but..."

Edema rose up on her hands, a blush stealing over her dark face, stammering,
realizing she was lying atop him. "Sugah, Ah..." Words failed her.

The Pheonix Mage's voice was tight with strain. "Funny thing, Belldandy was
talking the other day with Urd. I overheard there's no such thing as divorce
in a Norse culture, the closest thing is to kill your mate. Much as people
suspect it of me I have no intention of doing that to you."

The drow made an effort not to touch her throat in relief at that thought,
and failed. "Ah... thanks."

"Don't mention it. You aren't evil, you *can't* be a target. Uhm, but there
is one thing..."

"Yah?" Edema was having her own reaction shock, nice of him not to want to
kill her...

"Can you do me a special favor?" His voice was tight with barely contained
strain, looking straight up at the ceiling as it to control his urge to run
screaming from the scene by avoiding thinking of it.

"Anything, Sugah." That not killing her line was still undergoing review.
Very kind of him. She was not sure she would be so forgiving in his
position. Speaking of position she blushed to the roots of her white hair,
remembering what their current one was.

"Thank you." He raised his arms around her and she felt her magic resistance
fail as a wash of energy overcame her briefly. When she came to he was
panting in relief from reaction at his near escape to a terrible situation
no violence could resolve. She blinked her green eyes at him.

He cleared his throat, then sighed again in relief and held her. "Nothing
personal. My mom just insisted that I never marry an elf not of my own
subspecies. Sanzennin family vows and all that. I hope you don't mind."

Edema briefly realized that she was no longer drow.

The realization was brief because the Pheonix mage started kissing her neck.
Her blush resumed and thought fled.

Her prince had returned and was paying close attention to her.

Somewhere far distant, Ataru Moroboshi screamed in wrath and frustration.
Someone had *his* harem.

-----------

"Waaaaaaaa! It didn't work!"

Grey shrugged. He had reverted back to 15 years of age shortly after Sailor
Saturn had removed an evil witch from the story. Unfortunately, the results
hadn't gone quite as well for everyone else.

Ritsuko Ikagi was a fairly cute, eight year old girl. Still. Her age hadn't
altered since entering the dreamscape.

Hotaru Tomoe had partially returned to her own age of fourteen from the
eight or so she'd been stuck at once she'd entered the cage of the wicked
witch. She guessed that she was twelve again. Nor was she happy at all about
this, though not turning into a sobbing wreck like Ritsuko.

Misato Katsuragi had apparently gone halfway in reverting towards her
original age. She looked high school age. She had gone out to find a vending
machine that had beer and get smashed.

Maya Ibuki had lucked out, mainly. She was perhaps in her early twenties
when she had started out in her mid-twenties. She was still quite upset with
Ritsuko and was making comments about reform school and orphanages. Which
was not calming the former Doctor Ikagi down at all.

Hotaru merely hugged her puppy dog, and wondered why Mamoru Chiba kept
staring at it. That and grinned a lot because her sempai had decided to
rescue *her* first.

Grey decided not to bother with explanations. Hotaru was happy, Endymion
looked weirded out, and he had other emergencies to deal with.

Rei seemed OK, though Mamoru insisted that "Hokuto No Ken" (Fist of the
Northstar in English) was not exactly a happy setting to be trapped in.

As Mamoru was still reluctant (for reasons Grey wasn't sure of) to rescue
Usagi at the moment, that meant that he had to try and break another out of
her dreamscape. The logical choice seemed to be...

--------

Edema was tortured.

The former drow girl cried. She'd spent a life of agony proving to herself
and others that there was no need to assume a dark heart existed beneath a
dark skin. She'd named her business to reflect that, it had been her life.

It hadn't been much of a life from many others' perspective, but it was
something. Enough to distract her from much of the pain, at least. Tears
continued to trickle down cheeks robbed of their dark color as she
considered the work of a life lost in a single mistake.

Beside her in bed, the Pheonix Mage rolled over and an arm went across her.
Instantly he was awake. The tenseness of combat faded, then returned, then
reduced to partial power all in an instant. "What's wrong?" He asked her,
senses flaring.

A proper Southern Belle either rages at her husband or is cheerful for
him,... no, that's not quite true; She also depends on him. Edema was torn
between the proper Southern response and her own uncertainties. "Ah, Ah don
wan ta be a burden on ya, dahlin. Go back ta sleep."

With eyes closed to hide the pain she decided she would go along. He had
sworn oaths, after all. She would respect that. Yes, she would support him
in public, never letting anyone know, least of all him. This was her
blunder, after all, the price was hers to pay.

Hers alone.

Perhaps someday the pain would fade.

She began to feign sleep to lure Jared to do likewise. She felt him shift
and tried to quell the terror. She *liked* him, but was not experienced with
anyone else making her situation better for her.

Then again, it was the exception to that lying in bed with her. ~Women do
not lie awake at night crying when 'nothing' is wrong. Considering what just
happened, whatever it is is my responsibility even if it not my fault. If
magic would have fixed it, she would've done that herself, so go the old
fashioned way. Begin diagnosis of problem. 'Nothing' Meaning in Lingua Par
Women: I don't want you to be aware of it. Possibilities: One, it has to do
with me directly and thereby by default is beyond my security clearance.
Two, it is too massive for her to deal with and by extension not to be
trusted to me for fear I will either be hurt by it or make it worse. Three,
she finds it embarrassing and fears for our relationship. Discard option
three as it fails to fit situation parameters. Hmm? No, make that a
tentative discard. It doesn't fit her
well but we are dealing with the source of all illogic. Examine all data
strings to determine which path is more fruitful.~

He watched her breathe, observing how careless she was in the act of being
asleep - a sure sign that she'd never had to do this before. It made sense,
who did she have to trust? It was her against the... ~Contact!~

Edema, for her part, was stiff with fright. Torture by her matron mother and
elder sisters in her youth had left her more than physical scars. Gentle
contact was unresponsive in her, and a thick streak of paranoia prohibited
her from participating in anything rough enough to get her
going on the end she needed to be to get anything out of it. Surprise and
elation in her had made an exception *this* time, but she hoped it wasn't an
exception. As to the rest...

Between an early teens spent ducking ambush and death at every hand by
everyone she might remotely consider under better circumstances, the next
several decades spent among halflings who were... eckk! Not interesting.
Then leaving with the carefully constructed image of a bad girl but nothing
behind the shell to back her in actually *being* that kind of girl...

Edema, for all her boldness, used that boldness and loud talk about
unpopular preferences to conceal her shield her pride. She had never 'done
it' before in her life.

Jared, for his part, was connecting facts almost as quickly as she was. Some
were observable to a new husband, others he had overheard, still more he
could deduce. ~She's terrified, has no idea what this means, and is without
firm rooting in the world. Everything she knows has been cut out from under
her, and was so lately at odds with me she doesn't have a clue what I can be
like under better circumstances. Hmm. Diagnosis tentatively complete, begin
selection of ideal remedy. Few enough under the title of 'Build Someone A
New Worldview', but... Aha!~

He sat up.

Edema consciously fought against stiffening up, deliberately loosening
herself and preparing for what she thought was inevitable. It was gospel
that men only wanted one thing, after all. She began to consider what to do
from bits of information gathered from hundreds of seedy conversations that
were the result of holding up her image.

What she did not expect was for him to begin talking. "My grandparents
escaped from Krynn, you know."

Edema blinked her eyes open, no longer faking sleep, and not knowing what to
make of that statement. He was not playing with weapons, casting spells, or
doing anything lecherous - all of which placed him firmly outside her
limited experience with the public persona of the Pheonix
Mage.

He gave her a friendly sort of look, open and while not exactly vulnerable,
had some guards down. "They were being held in Ishtar, both of them. The
Kingpriest had them under lock and key as being questionable sorts. My
grandfather, of the improbable name of Sunrise, was a Paladin
of an order that allowed elves. My grandmother was a mage of the White
Robes, a fancy way of saying a good aligned magic user, but magic use was
suspect in Ishtar then. Both were Dimernesti, coastal elves, able to breathe
both air and water, arrested while on land and presumed up to no good by
guards who were the least bit overzealous. They might have come to trial but
the Folly of the Kingpriest came then. Watching the flaming, falling
mountain come down upon Ishtar from out of the windows of their cell they
were whisked away by the blending of his prayers and her spells, and thus
missed seeing the Cataclysm from ground zero."

The Mage sighed, examining his hands while twiddling his fingers. "So they
came to the world where I was eventually born. Being of lawful bent and
temperament Sunrise did not get along well with other elves, including my
grandmother, and soon left her. They weren't married then or
even terribly close, not even friends. So he traveled wide, mostly with
humans. One such quest left him in the company of a lawfully-minded human
from the orient. The pair got along famously and after many adventures
Sunrise accompanied his friend back to his homeland to assist a country torn
in the brewing of a dynastic dispute."

He raised his eyes to the wall, seeming to see beyond it a near infinite
distance without seeing anything at all except in memory. "When the dust had
fallen Sunrise's companion was named Emperor. In part due to his bloodline
but mostly because of my grandfather's ability to keep his
friend alive in spite of an endless succession of ninja assassins. He always
said detect evil is an ability most useful when applied liberally."

A glance toward Edema was quickly averted down to the sheets. "Due to owing
him his life, the new Emperor elevated my grandfather to the nobility, with
hereditary title and lands. That might have been the end of it, producing a
small surge of half-elves who would have rapidly
disappeared in a wider population, if my grandmother hadn't showed up. She'd
spent the intervening years among elves of that world, but had felt lonely
for someone who knew of her homeland and could relate to her past home and
experiences without a befuddled look on their faces, so she'd sought out my
grandfather."

The Mage was back to looking at his hands. "Anyway, retaining the substance
of elvan ways but adopting many of the forms of their neighbors, they
prospered, bore children, eschewed local politics, produced goods, and
survived. It only required a few centuries for my family to be in a fairly
unique position. The first emperor had been so enamored with my grandfather
that he demanded that he marry his daughter. My grandmother slipped in the
protest that she was with child and could not their children marry, and
after the hundred years that it took for my
grandfather's eldest to grow to a marrying age the imperial family had
looked forward to the event for so long that it became tradition. Every
elvan generation since then has married the imperial line somewhere - one of
my half-sisters from my father on my side. All of us kids had been taught in
adventuring classes and a few had risen to become notable heroes, which was
not by itself so unusual. The truly amazing part, to the humans that is, was
that a measly few hundred years is not a terribly big deal to an elf and all
those heroes, including my grandparents, were still around."

Another glance was risked at her, and this time lingered. "For a culture
that reveres age this caught alot of respect. The first emperor of the
present dynasty was long in his grave, many of his triple-times removed
grandchildren had died a hundred years ago, and yet there was Sunrise
walking around hale and healthy as can be and had known him personally.
Needless to say my family fairly *reeked* of honor."

The deep sigh he gave had much pain in it. "Which is hard for an elf to
take, let me tell you. A land with that lawful a bent is stressful to us. My
grandmother copes by spending much of her time in estates underwater off a
shore our lands control, where she is fairly certain of not having to expect
visitors who'll demand rote and ritual till she wants to scream."

His gaze wandered back toward the wall again. "On the other hand, as you
know, elves rarely have that many children. Our clan has always been small,
though my grandparents have been wise in insisting their children always
married elves, whether imported from other lands or the result of permanent
magical change. It wasn't hard to demand 'Excuse me, but you can only marry
my daughter if I can cast this spell on you that will make you live fifty
times as long and look like us.' There were men who fought each other for
the privilege."

He drummed his fingers against each other, looking up. "Yet by remaining
aloof from the local power struggles we had become obsolete before I was
even born, relics if you will, regarded with some amount of awe but no
feeling of relevance. My grandfather had been sent away out of court many
long years ago. Other clans more willing to play power games beat us out of
trade routes, land, townships, and holdings, using influence at court to
secure them for themselves. Ninja over the years had stolen everything we
had of worth. We'd become rich in honor yet poor in everything else."

Now he was examining bedsheets. "And many of us descendants were just too
stressed by the ritual formality of our homeland that we couldn't take it."
He closed his eyes. "It got to my grandfather, too. He was Head of Clan and
felt the responsibility for salvaging everything was his, so he leaned all
the more heavily on us trying to make us conform to what he thought was
right."

The look he directed toward Edema had some real tears in it. "Do you know
what the choice of my class was? A monk renounces all ties to his family,
that was its central appeal to me back then."

The hurt reflected in those blue eyes stunned her, as it reflected so much
of Edema's own.

Another huge sigh was made on his part. "But my clan still had some hold on
me, the vows of a Kensai are quite clear and being an elf of a clan of elves
meant the connection remained in everyone's eyes in spite of whatever vows
I'd made. So, to erase some of their shame in me and to give direction to my
wandering they put me on a mission to regain many of the family artifacts
that had been stolen over the years."

Jared's lips quirked in a slight grin. "Which was all to my taste as those
artifacts had chiefly been sold or stolen over and over again and were
scattered far overseas, as far away from my homeland and they could be. It
suited me nicely."

Edema's eyes were wide in shock at the admission.

He chose to glance once more on her. "It wasn't at all unusual. My family
uses fertility spells and has an average of six children per couple. As we
are artifacts of great cultural heritage even the ninja clans feel
reluctance to kill us, but the atmosphere there is so intolerable that
barely two children in ten remain home. I have a cousin almost as successful
as I am. I haven't seen him in many years. The last time I ran into him he
was a knight of greater fame than I was a monk, riding a great feathered
serpent. We ran into each other on a trip being summoned
to our homeland and he couldn't shut his mouth about how much he hated the
place."

The Mage grew very composed as he continued, closing his eyes and softening
his voice. "Even my father's first wife ran out on him. She couldn't stand
it anymore. Since my clan numbers quite a few mages of some repute she was
sought, and when that failed to immediately turn up results a replacement
was sought. In fact, a *duplicate* so that none would ever know she'd
escaped the clan." He paused a moment here. "After summoning and binding a
succubus with fell and powerful spells sufficient to hold and mold her, a
quiet ceremony was held and she was made to alter
her shape to that of the lost wife and take over so no one would notice."

Edema was shocked at the amount of pain written there, as he said. "They
really worked her over, changed her alignment, did a terrific job, but could
never quite forget themselves that she was a fake, even after she did."
Tears streamed from his eyes. "None of my brothers and sisters were ever
normal in the eyes of the clan. My mother did a terrific job, she was more a
supporter of the elvan ways of the clan than they were sometimes, but none
of the others ever gave up on the thought that my siblings and I were half
demon blood."

The statement shocked the sorceress. "Ya'll have got *demon* blood in ya?"
The idea did not seem to fit with the sparkling, splendid image presented by
the Pheonix mage.

That same mage nodded. "Fully half. I've ceased to let it trouble me. A very
long while ago I realized that if I knew who I was myself I had nothing to
prove to anyone else, and a lot of soul searching later I realized that I
had nothing to prove to myself. I knew who I was, and those who refused to
accept that were not worth the bother."

He chuckled sadly and softly with closed eyes. "I've made only two trips
home. The first was after *many* long years. I'd grown to forget what they
were like somewhat, and all flushed with success I felt they would be
impressed that I was coming home with the riches of adventuring all
over me. I'd even reclaimed a clan artifact I'd been sent for and determined
the fate of a lost cousin of mine, avenged his murder even. They said all
the right things about that, but no sooner was I home then it was back to
being ordered around, the unclean son of a demoness, and
my wealth suddenly became theirs. When I left again I was penniless, even
though a few of the magic items they took were made of the fires of my own
resurrection by the ring of the pheonix where I'd died in battle to save my
friends."

He calmed down in the rush somewhat, still speaking with closed eyes. "No
longer a full monk, I trained as a Wu Jen, an oriental mage who *also*
dissolves all ties to family clan, and as a druid, something western and
*foreign*. So foreign they had no hold on it. Yet the second time they
called I still came, accompanied by my cousin who road the winged serpent.
We responded to a call to battle, the clan was at war." He paused and took a
deep and steady breath. "I was by then a warrior of fearsome aspect and a
mage of no small repute, as well as a druid able to
command the the entire establishment as a Heirophant. When I came it was
with my band of adventuring friends by my side, we were a fearsome force and
one to be reckoned with. Again they took all of my belongings they could lay
hold on, but I had hidden most of them."

His gaze alighted on the woman by his side. "Do you know what they did? My
comrades and I were looking *forward* to a major land war! I could've won it
almost by myself, and the friends I adventured with were also of great
capability. Do you know what part in the war they gave us?" He paused,
waiting for her answer. When she couldn't reply Jared went on. "None. They
wanted nothing of us personally. I alone could've walked the battlefield and
trounced half the enemy troops. My clan's forces were pitiful in comparison
even to that enemy. Do you know what they asked us to do?"

He sighed and paused, deeply into his story, looking away through the wall.
"My eldest brother had been kidnapped and tossed into hell by an enemy
spellcaster. He was a ninth level paladin, of no small repute but pitiful
compared to what I am and nothing compared to the knight who was
my cousin and was WITH me then. But it was our sole job, given to us by my
grandfather, to venture across the planes and fetch him. Because HE was of
my father's first wife and all of the clan pined, awaiting his return. All
of the victory would be on his shoulders, and we were not to dare win the
fight without him present to take full credit."

The Pheonix Mage's head was now bowed fully toward the covers. "We walked
away. I don't even know if my clan won that war, or even survived it. I know
for certain that my eldest half-brother was never rescued from hell by my
cousin or I."

The gaze finally came to rest on Edema gently, with remorse yet kindness
mingled in those blue eyes. "You know what? My grandfather is actually a
good man, a paladin whose powers *demand* he serve good, but blind in so
many ways. He sees something he thinks of as good and pursues that. In this
case it was the clan, preserving his family. But he was so driven toward
what he *thought* would achieve that goal that he was doing things that were
destroying that family and making that very goal impossible. There comes a
certain myopia to those who see a step toward the goal as the goal itself,
they become blind to other things. It is the primary fault of good people
trying to do what they think of as good, I know I've done it myself. The
trouble comes that the longer it goes unquestioned the larger that myopia
grows, until it can finally block out all of the goodness it was placed
there by."

The Mage lay down again, pulling the covers up to his chest. "There are
people who think they are good, yet crawl so slowly away from it even as
they still believe in their own goodness. It then comes to haunt the very
forces *of* good because some of these people gradually getting more blind
in pursuit of their desires are doing that which is at least selfish and
sometimes evil, yet claiming they are good all the time. It has been a very
great while since I've seen my grandfather, nicknamed 'Gloom' by my
siblings, call upon any paladin powers."

Blinking up at the ceiling, he said. "The only prerequisite to being evil is
to forget what is wrong and what isn't, and the longer your goals go
unquestioned, the longer your myopia grows, the worse it gets. I heard
someone describe it once: Good and Evil is not a balance, it is a slide.
Unless you are constantly climbing you are going down."

He rolled over to look at her. "You have fought your entire life climbing up
that slide. You don't need some of the baggage that's been hauling you
down."

She lay there looking at him for some time. "Ya'll meant more ta this than a
bedtime story, dahlin. Ya'll had a greater point than that."

He sighed, snuggling dreamily into his pillows again. "I wasn't born a
bright elf. Neither were you. We all had traumatic pasts with families whose
goals did not include any love for us. But it matters not so much what our
troubles were, only how far we rise above them, and we can't do
our best holding hurts close to our chests. There comes a time to let them
go."

She lay there, considering this.

"And?"

She was good, she was. It called to mind that she was a mage herself and a
veteran of her own fights where cleverness meant as much as skill to
survive. He drew forth a yawn sleepily. "I have a spell called Blessed
Forgetfulness. It was designed by angels to cure victims of demonic
torture and other such things, and what it does is take the barbs away. It
works to heal the mind the same way other spells heal a wounded body. The
facts are all still there, but the memory isn't still causing hurt anymore.
Like leaving a particularly troublesome deformity behind. It just stops
having power to focus and control your life. I can let you look over a copy
of the spell in the morning. Naturally, when I tried to cast it on Grey it
was a total disaster, but so far nothing has been much help to him. I begin
to have idle curiosity whether Kami-sama could do that guy a favor and not
have it go sour, miss the target, or get lost the first time Grey turned
around."

Edema fought hard against a smile. "Ah could let Fleece know ya'll maht be
interested in the odds. Just fo curiosity's sake."

Jared murmured sleepily into his pillow. "The actual hard part would be
finding a way to get Kami-sama to do Grey a favor. He has His own ways, and
I don't claim to understand them. Oh, and in my pack I have some ointment of
scar removal, you can use that in the morning."

Edema was just coming more awake. "Hold on there, dahlin. this heah's our
weddin night. Twould spoil the whole thang lettin ya'll go ta sleep without
a proper goodnight."

Jared smiled into his pillow. ~Assessment of resolution: From crying and
withdrawn to amorous and trying to be helpful. Definite upswing noted.
Continue to apply kindness and understanding while patient is being
observed. Build structures of love off of which to base further treatment
as other problems arise.~

~Victory!~

-------

Grey groaned and pulled an arrow out of his shoulder, wincing as the barbs
worsened the wound. "That... was bad."

Maya supported her fiance as they went past Mamoru in order for him to sit
in one of the chairs. "That was very brave!"

"-Maybe. i was *trying* to sneak, however. Hit a place on the deck covered
in soapy water, and everything else just kinda happened.-"

"Ah," said Maya who hadn't really caught any of that as he'd spoken in
English.

"So, Maya was in 'Treasure Island' and captured by the evil pirates?" Mamoru
scratched his head. He hadn't remembered cannibal zombie pirates in the
original story. Particularly ones that acted as if from the 'Evil Dead'
movie. Though zombies around large bodies of salt water was a bit of a
hazardous occupation anyway. "-What happened then?-"

"-i managed to trip, grabbed a rope which snapped, and i went swinging like
Tarzan across the ship, grabbed Maya before she ended up in the stewpot, and
our combined weight when we hit the far wall broke us through. Did you know
that zombies are injured by salt water?-"

"-I think I read that somewhere,-" agreed Mamoru. He looked at the little
hearts in Maya's eyes and was again glad this wasn't happening to HIM.

"-The pirate king hit the water and boiled away to nothing. Ouch that
hurts.-"

Mamoru sighed, got a pair of pliers, and pulled another arrowhead out of
Grey. "Hang on. You've got two more."

Maya gently hugged her fiance. "Nobody's ever rescued me from hentai
cannibal pirate zombies before!"

"Yes, I would imagine that's fairly rare," indicated Mamoru as he tried to
dig out another arrowhead. "-How many of them had bows anyway?-"

"-Only twenty or thirty. The rest had cutlasses and other stuff. i didn't
really get a chance to reconnoiter before everything hit the FAN! Eeeeeouch,
that smarts.-"

"-That one was fairly deep,-" indicated Mamoru.

"-Well, at least Maya didn't get hit.-"

Maya's eyes teared up. Nobody'd ever taken arrows in the back for her
before. Especially while rescuing her from hentai cannibal pirate zombies on
their ghost ship.

"-Well, are you ready to rescue Usagi yet?-"

"-Uhm, actually I thought I had, only it turned out to be...-" Mamoru's
voice trailed off and he jerked his head towards the outside.

Usagi stood there, wearing a gown far more ornate than she had as Princess
Serenity. Not quite as ridiculous looking as some Victorian gown, though the
trailing sleeves and multiple layers looked clumsy at least. It was also
what Usagi Tsukino was surrounded by that caused Grey's eyebrows to lift.

Seven short fellows, miners from their simple clothing, carrying nearly
their own weight in steel weapons and armor, kneeling to their princess.

"-None of them look particularly Dopey or Bashful,-" remarked Grey. "-More
like Deadly, Dour, Dreadful, and a few other adjetives. They all look kinda
Grumpy, but no Sneezy.-"

Mamoru considered again the keg of rice wine he knew would be in the shrine
office for ceremonial functions. "You know, we used to just have to worry
about yoma out to harvest energy."

"-Mamoru-san, I'm tired, I hurt, and I've got a long night ahead of me.
Could you try at least using less difficult Japanese?-"

Usagi bade her loyal subjects rise, and wondered exactly what use she could
put five expert miners and two engineers to.

Oh, and could she wear something that didn't threaten to constantly trip her
up?

--------

Edema's smile was that of supreme satisfaction. She stretched in the
luxuriant manner of a cat and continued to smile in that way that advertised
"Victory" while she went about the usual business of her day.

She was humming softly in a self-satisfied way.

The counter help at the Heart of Darkest Chocolate were eying her
suspiciously and gossiping among themselves as to the cause, though the lack
of sunglasses and her color alteration drew almost as much speculation. They
were assumed to be connected.

Edema softly smiled, and got a hungry gleam to her eye that had nothing to
do with chocolate, as she had a scoop poised and was paying no attention to
it.

Her skin color got forgotten by the trio of gossiping soda girls.

Edema, whose cream colored dress no longer contrasted but served as an
accent to her skin, gave a soft sigh of pleasure and brushed a strand of
vibrant red hair out of her eyes, her thoughts on other things.

Her peace came not only from... certain things, but a chance comment made by
Jay-chan that was proving its own warm glow. She could no longer be assumed
by default to be a bad guy from association. Her number of enemies, not to
mentioned misunderstandings, had just dropped
considerably, and her potential allies grown exponentially.

Safety, or near so.

It was a thought that had never occurred to her, but the idea of no longer
needing to be so defensive was almost as delicious as...

The counter help got more fuel to their gossip about as the dreamy smile
passed over the Heart's proprietress' face.

------------

Grey had been startled to learn he was already considered a part of Rei's
dreamscape.

"Get him!" One huge mutant bodybuilder exclaimed to another. "With him
captured, we can blackmail that Rei girl to work for us!"

The giants had longer strides, but also *much* bigger masses and weren't
nearly so motivated as Grey was.

If he were Ranma Saotome instead of Grey Le Shard, he'd have beaten the
giants senseless in a casual and irritating style. If he were the Pheonix
Mage, there would be little bits of evil giants raining down over a large
piece of the city. If he were Mamoru Chiba, he'd probably throw roses and
building-leap away.

Grey fled at high speeds, noting absently that he'd try out for the track
team if he could find a way to duplicate this feat without having five 12ft
tall refugees from "Mad Max" chasing his butt.

"shhuuuuuuuuuu SHOU!"

The giants stumbled to a halt. "Uh oh," said one of the brighter ones.

"We were just making sure you two got together," tried a second giant.
"Really."

"We're not scared of you!"

The two slightly brighter ones got away from the three others, including the
one who had said that.

There is something called a "Darwin Award" - an honor given posthumously for
someone who has committed a blunder so amazingly stupid that they have done
the gene pool a service by removing themselves from it.

"Shouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Rei landed on the far side of the three Darwin Award
nominees.

The one who had spoken of lack of fear raised a section of sewer pipe he was
using as a club. "Hah! We're too strong for a little girl like you!"

Rei didn't turn, walking away from the three as if they were of no
consequence.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" The pinheaded giant exclaimed and started to run
forward. Only to suddenly die in a very graphic and messy manner.

"Urk!" "AAAAaa!" "Oh no, not again!"

Rei continued walking only to address the two who were attempting
(unsuccessfully) to merge with the landscape. "Southern Cross School -
Southern Crane Fist. I... AHHHH!"

The two giants whimpered as they saw the shredded remains of their fellows,
and the girl who *had* been ignoring them. Now that she was upset what would
she do?!

"I broke a nail, damn it!" Rei fretted, ignoring the way the ground then
shook from the simultaneous double facefault from the mutants. "It's turning
into one of *those* days, isn't it?"

"Maybe we should play dead?" One giant whispered.

"Better than being the real thing," muttered the other.

-----------

There were places in Heaven of transcendental beauty or gleaming perfect
splendor. There were areas that resembled some vision of Viking Heaven as
dreamed of by Jack Kirby, and there were Olympian areas of folded space that
hurt mortal eyes. There were areas of just plain multidimensional alienness
like Mimir's Well, and there were areas of Zen simplicity like the Ice
Falls.

The Alley Of Lingering Smells was not (as the Pheonix Mage put it) a slum.
It was, however, considerably less than perfect. Unless you happened to be
cut of the same mold as Phillip Marlowe, Sam Spade, or several other such
characters. In which case it provided a place to be comfortable among all
the gleaming perfection.

So there were the faded and stained brick edifices of places like the Rival
Relief Office and places like "Milly's Diner" - which catered to those who
wanted to remember the imperfect food and simpler life that one could find
in something akin to a truckstop.

The whole area of the Alley was imperfect, but in such a way that it was
merely comfortable to those used to a mortal existence or exotic to those
who weren't. One wit had likened it to a favorite recliner - old and beaten
and threadworn but still the one that everyone gravitated to when one wanted
to relax.

Naturally, some thought of the Alley as a blemish amongst all the gleam and
sparkle. A slum in Heaven. A zit on the face of Perfection.

The inhabitants also were a bit less than perfect. Well, at least the
regulars were.

Mambo Jack, for example, was a South Pacific urban legend of male virility.
Kitchiri, the well intentioned but incompetent goddess of bimboness.
Tennyson, the beholder god of "live and let live" philosophy. Grey, a silver
dragon of many Aspects currently out on a Labor. Each had their rough edges:
Mambo's lack of manners, for example, or Tennyson's unfortunate tendency to
drool.

And then there were others like Hebe and Amaterasu.

Amaterasu was the Japanese sun goddess who had once locked herself in a cave
because others were making fun of her. After some assertiveness training and
associating with Valkyries, she had become less of an easily wilted
wallflower and more of a warrior-goddess. She tended not to hang out with
her own pantheon, most of whom she had little patience or tolerance for. She
was high up within the Goddess Relief Office, and only showed up in this
area at all because the RRO would come up with some interesting trinkets and
tales from time to time. Ulterior motive? No, of course not.

Hebe was of the Greek pantheon, and was a wallflower from *way* back. Quiet
as a churchmouse, mainly dedicated to her field of proficiency - the upkeep
and maintenence of the home, demure, polite. Hardly something to inspire
armies to invade or anything of the sort. A bit earthy around people she
knew, however.

"...and how much good is any of that? Even when I go butting in and
interfering, Rei was brushing off my advice up until she got hit with that
love potion."

Hebe smiled and nodded.

"Speaking of THAT did you ever see such a mangled set of commands?"
Amaterasu shook her head. "First there's some leftovers from that mind
erasing and imprinting done by that Lethe daimon. Then you add this crap
with the love potion and suddenly it's all messed up. Love potions *never*
work right, that's why they're so cheap at all these magical stores. Might
as well have used passion spice or that red thread thing..."

Hebe smiled and gestured at the plate glass window of "Mimi's Authentic
Elven Waybread". The glass briefly fogged.

----------

"Rei," Grey said while panting, "i'm so glad you're OK."

Rei walked forward, smiling oddly.

"Uhm, Rei? What are you doing?"

Rei brought her hands up. "Shuuuuuu- SHOU!"

---------

Amaterasu blinked as Grey's clothes came apart in tiny little pieces.

"As you can see, Ama," Hebe continued, walking by the image, "Rei seems to
have the situation well in hand. Or is at least trying to."

"..."

Hebe looked back, seeing a chase scene where Grey (obviously thinking Rei
had flipped out) was running while trying to cover his anatomy, while Rei
pursued with slow inevitability. "Her approach needs some work, however."

"..."

"Give her an 'A' for effort, 'D-' for application," Hebe critiqued. "If she
catches him with *that* kind of seduction effort, he'll be permanently
scared off. Guys like him can handle aggressive up to a point, but she's
crossing that line by damn near a light-year."

"..."

"And slicing that door to shreds with her hands? Think *that* image is going
to be easily forgotten? He's got enough imagination that he can see it
happening to him. Nope. I'd say she's got her hands full. Well, almost
*that* time."

"..."

Hebe glanced over at her friend of several centuries. "Ama, you've been
married TWICE. You had a fling with Zeus, hung around with Apollo and some
of the other stud-boys and we both know damn well how *crude* we Greeks can
be. Stop staring. You've seen naked guys before."

"..."

"Yeesh, Ama. It's like you haven't..." Hebe thought. "Damn. Well, I guess it
*has* been a couple of centuries at least, hasn't it? Not since that... No,
you didn't get to first base with him did you?"

"..."

Hebe sighed, and because she *was* Amaterasu's friend, used her own
hankerchief to wipe the little trail of drool. "Ama. Remember your dignity.
He's a *mortal.* You'd have to use an avatar just to get past necking
without accidently incinerating him or something."

"..."

Hebe dismissed the vision, then settled back against the wall to let her
friend collect what was left of her wits. It looked like it might take
awhile.

------

Mamoru saw Grey return, clutching shredded clothing, wearing only an
expression of terror, with Rei steadily advancing towards him. "I don't want
to know. I am *not* going to ask."

Rei froze on seeing Mamoru and her bedroom. "It wasn't a dream?"

Grey shook his head frantically. Mamoru simply said "no."

Turning bright red for the brief moment she was still in the room, Rei
vanished quickly into the bathroom.

"-Uhm, are there any clothes here?"-

Mamoru shook his head once. "The only clothes here are Rei's clothes."

"Oh great..."

"Sempai, did you...?!" Hotaru's eyes grew large.

Grey attempted to cover himself with the shreds of clothing he'd been able
to keep. He wasn't nearly able to recover any shreds of dignity at the
moment.

"Man, I needed that... Hel-LO!" Misato looked over the guy with the
ridiculously tiny shreds of what looked to be a shirt once upon a time.

"-Would someone at least close the damn door, i'm getting a draft here.-"

Mamoru took a moment to step next door, ring the temple bells, clap his
hands three times, rubbing them up and down, and give thanks that this had
NEVER happened to him.

Misato got a mischievious glint to her eyes. "Gee, ya look kinda cold there.
Maybe..."

"...sempai?!" Hotaru said in a very small voice.

Now crouching in a tiny ball, Grey grumbled. "-Some clothes please? A guy
could catch pneumonia or something.-"

"-Oh stop whining, you're a boy you know,-" Misato quipped, looking through
Rei's closet. She paused to leer suggestively at him. "-Yup, definitely a
boy!-"

Hotaru decided to look elsewhere, though privately she was cursing her newly
youthened state. If she were fourteen again, she'd be in a far better
position to appreciate this, or so she thought.

"My goodness, look at some of this stuff!" Misato held up something that
Hotaru supposed was clothing. Except that the areas of coverage seemed a bit
off.

"That looks kind of..." Hotaru wasn't sure what to call it.

"Yeah, it IS kind of," snickered Misato. She put that away anyway, and
pulled out something pink. "Oh, maybe this would look good on him!"

"That's a girls' yukata," pointed out Hotaru.

"Like he's gonna be able to tell?" Misato smirked a lot. She was *just*
drunk enough that this was quite amusing. "Why do I think you're not going
to be any fun?"

"-Clothes? Please? Something? Somebody?-"

"Waaaaah!" Usagi came in the door, saw all this going on, and her pigtails
stuck briefly straight up.

"-Oh great. NOW what?-" Grey asked his knees. "-Heck, what *is* the word for
clothes in Japanese anyway?-"

Mamoru re-entered the room at a run upon hearing Usagi scream, saw what
Misato was holding up, and decided they should be elsewhere. "Uhm, Usako, we
should be seeing if those dwarves are done building their de-juicer for
Chibiusa."

"Yeah, I think so..." Usagi said, covering her eyes and leaving.

Rei stepped out of the bathroom, noticed Grey was still naked, and noticed
the piece of clothing Misato had now pulled out of the closet. "Eeeeeek!"

"-Clothes?-"

"Can you imagine him in this?" Misato said with an evil gleam.

Hotaru glanced at the things Misato was examining, then quietly found a long
sleeved T and a pair of jeans to hand to her sempai.

"Thank you, Hotaru-chan," Grey said, reached for the clothing, saw Hotaru's
eyes bug then went back to covering himself. Then grabbed the clothes anyway
and tried to set a speed record for leaping into a pair of jeans.

Misato waited until Grey had the pants on, noting that what would have been
tight on Rei looked uncomfortably so on the boy. "Oh, don't worry about it.
I'm sure Rei is more than happy to have you get inside her pants."

Rei had thought she had been about at the limits of embarrassment before.
She considered bopping her former teacher on the head for proving her wrong.

Grey zipped up, eeped, unzipped and tried to shift around before zipping
back up. Without looking obvious. He failed miserably, and eyes were tearing
by the time he unzipped. "-This isn't going to work...-"

"-Damn, that looked like it hurt,-" remarked Misato. "Maybe we ought to go
with the priestess robes. They ought to fit at least."

"Hey, those jeans cost me a LOT! You're gonna bust the seams!" Rei said,
though her gaze never left certain portions of anatomy.

"Sempai, are you hurt?" Hotaru winced. Okay, it was *obvious* that that
hurt. Maybe even worse than the arrow wounds.

"-This has *not* been a very good day,-" complained Grey, not that anyone
was currently paying attention to what he was saying. Noticing one of the
book-prisons nearby, Grey grabbed it, hoping that jumping into *this*
dreamscape would at least get him some clothing.

================

OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE

"Yeesh, that Ranma fella sure got a passle of problems," the stranger in the
hooded robes said in an obviously fake accent, looking at the Well from a
distance.

The long neck craning out of the mists was the why. Currently no one was
allowed near the Well Of Mimir, after a minor imp had thrown one of Bast's
favorite cats into a Ranma timeline.

"Not all the time," said the dragon. "It's just that the more chaotic and
strange timelines are the ones that get the most attention. Some are
relatively peaceful."

"A peaceful Ranma timeline?" The robed mortal said it as if the entire
concept was alien.

"Relatively," repeated the dragon. "Observe."

------

The pudgy man in threadbare clothing ran up to the ledge. "RAN! Get back
here! This is not over by a long shot! Listen to your father, boy!"

Ran rolled his eyes in mid-leap, landing lightly in the saddle and reaching
for his thick gloves. "Get off that noise, old man! You know the old saying
as well as I do."

Gen yelled and waved his fist at his wayward son. "You get down here! You
have greater responsibilities than to go joyriding across the continent!"

Ran waved at his father, only using one finger. "Don't care for any more of
your schemes, old man, no matter what it is. Just came by to say goodbye,
and now we're out of time. 'Dragonriders must fly when Thread is in the
sky!'"

With that, his green dragon Akane lifted off and went Between. Now was not
the time for yet another idiot scheme from his father. Nor time for that old
rivalry with Ryo from Fort Hold, nor the curious relationship between
himself and that green rider Uccha, or even that friendly young Healer he'd
met from Honshu - Kasumi. No, now was the time to fly and fight Thread.

This would probably be one of the last Threadfalls, but even then - why
return back to his father's care when the old man was definitely persona non
grata in three Holds? He'd had enough of that, and Ran was making a name for
himself - not interested any longer in trying to redeem his father's.

Nope. Thread was falling, and he was the rider of bronze K'norr. Now was the
time to fly.

--------

"You see," said the dragon. "Same spirit, same soul, many of the same
elements. However, the Pern dragonrider Ran is much more at peace."

"Boring," countered the stranger. "And it's a darkline. Ranma doesn't end up
with Akane, after all."

"If that's your definition of a darkline, yes." The dragon sighed. Though
the green dragon in the timeline HAD actually been named Akane. "As to the
boring part, admittedly it doesn't feature gender-changing curses, and until
the Abominators injure that Healer friend of his, he isn't nearly as
violent. An adventure is someone else having a hard time, after all. No, the
life and times of Ran of Honshu doesn't feature quite the same flavor of
insanity you might expect. There is still conflict, however."

"I don't even consider that a Ranma timeline. No Kodachi or Tatewaki Kuno.
You can't consider it a Ranma timeline if he doesn't get cursed and isn't an
obnoxious jerk."

The dragon considered the odds of just tail lashing this fellow out of the
area. Would he get in trouble, or wouldn't he? "Well, if *those* are your
only objections."

-------

"Stupid old man. Ya just had to steal food from THEM!" Ranma knelt by the
gravesite. "Ya never could think past yer belly, could'ja? Now look at
what's goin' on. They cursed you to lose weight, so you could eat all you
want but never digest anythin'. We almost made it back to civilization
though. Don't know if the docs could'a done something but we almost made it.

"Of course, they cursed me as well, damn 'em. Said that bein' the son of a
thief and a thief myself, I needed a new life. And that cause I wasn't manly
by THEIR standards, that I ought to be 'un' manned." Ranma looked down at
her hands. "Accordin' to THEM, I'll get more 'girly' the longer I'm like
this. The only cure from what they were sayin' is for me to act manly by
THEIR standards. And then if I do something 'unmanly' like insult someone,
steal, or hit someone 'without just cause' - then I'm back to bein' a girl.
And if I've really screwed up, they said I'll get even more girlish,
whatever *that* means."

Ranma looked down at the hastily dug grave. She wouldn't cry, it wasn't
manly. THEY had a largely stoic warrior culture, similar to samurai in some
respects. Well she'd beat this thing. She'd *be* a samurai and beat the
curse, then she'd go back and beat the snot out of that old witch doctor.

-------

"Where's the Kunos, the Tendos, the Chardins, the Golden Pair?" The robed
mortal was demanding of the dragon. "What makes this a real Ranma timeline?"

"There's your curse. He meets the Kunos, does a formal challenge of
Tatewaki, defeats him *in Kendo*, and thereby earns Kuno's enmity. He never
gets involved with the Tendos, the Chardins, Happosai, the Golden Pair, or
those because his father never told him about the Tendo arrangement." The
dragon gestured and the view changed. "See. He starts to lose some of his
bad habits and we see less and less of the redhaired girl. Flavors kind of
'Ruroni Kenshin' but not bad overall."

"Not a comedy, more a character study." Holding both thumbs down, the robed
man made a disgusted noise. "If Akane doesn't get Ranma, it's not a real
Ranma story. And none of these wimpy Akane stories either, no fair
exchanging Akane and Kasumi's personalities. Remember: Akane always wins and
is never wrong."

"Gotcha."

--------

The blue haired girl in the blue and white sailor seifuku backed up against
a wall, shaking her head. "No, please..."

The teenage girl raised her cane. "That's enough! Freeze card, your power be
confined!"

"Noooooooo!" Sailor Mercury screamed, her body dissolving into white mist
which quickly resolidified in a different form.

Akane held up the Freeze card - engraved with the image of a sleeping Sailor
Mercury. "All right, *another* easy capture. Maybe the next one..."

--------

"What the HECK was THAT?!"

The dragon blinked down. "Akane learned the ways of magic, and approached it
with the same fine attention to detail she uses in cooking, as well as the
same obstinate manner she insists on using in trying to breathe water in
order to swim. So she follows the instructions in some old scrolls by a guy
named Clow Reed where he was making notes on how he created a Key Of Clow."

"Ranma is the FIGHT Card?!"

"She got some details wrong," the dragon said. "Her first capture was
unintentional. She turned her eldest sister into the Cooking Card. She also
hasn't found a way to permanently release anyone, though she currently
thinks that if she's defeated, her cards will be released. So far nobody's
managed."

"But that's..."

"Tatewaki became the Sword Card, Kodachi is the Ribbon Card, Genma escaped
after seeing his son turned into a playing card, Kasumi is the Cooking Card.
Nabiki panicked on finding out that little sister's playing at magic was for
real and Kasumi was now just a card in a deck. She shouldn't have told Akane
she was going to try and stop her. So Nabiki ended up the Sneak Card.
Akane's been challenging youma, the Sailor Senshi, Devilhunters, and anyone
else she thinks she has a chance of defeating her."

"But..."

"She's never wrong, she's never been defeated. Of course, at this point
she's gone off the deep end. Usual obsessiveness level, don't you think?
She's got Ranma. Hmmm. Looks like she just got Sailor Mars/Fire Card too.
Racking up quite a score, isn't she?"

"NO! NO! NO!"

The dragon snorted a cloud of frost. "Okay, if *that* didn't work, then how
about this one?" Upbeat and brassy theme music began to play.

---------

"Yo, Pops, are you sure about this?" Ranma pulled the car up to the front
curb, eyeing the place. "Well, it's fairly sizable for Tokyo, but it's kinda
declasse too."

Genma wasn't sure how far he could press this stranger. If only he hadn't
lost Ranma all those years ago. Now, reunited when the boy had dropped by to
say hello because it was his 16th Birthday, the Ranma he was facing was
almost entirely different from the child he'd wanted to raise as a socially
inept, dependent, martial artist.

Ranma opened his door, stretching out as he uncramped himself. "So, what
kinda treasures are in this place, ya been kinda vague so far."

"Uhm, *great* treasures. You'll see," Genma said, heading for the front door
at full speed.

Ranma stared for a moment, then shrugged with a smirk. Tapping a cufflink,
he spoke quietly into it. "Y'all there?"

Curiously enough, two voices emanated from the cufflink a moment later. "Am
listening." "Hai, Ranchan!"

Ranma's smirk deepened a little bit and he twisted the cufflink to "Transmit
Only." Just in case the old man was selling him out.

The interior of the house wasn't as bad as the outside. Kinda homey,
actually. At the doorway, Ranma turned and thumbed a remote at his car. The
door shut and the alarm system bleeped. Just in case.

Then some human water fountain tried to grab him.

--------

"Hey, I didn't mean to hit him that hard, he kinda startled me." Ranma
spread his hands as if to say "what else could I do?"

Akane glared. Not only was she (or one of her sisters) supposed to be
engaged to this BOY, he had just used some underhanded sneaky manuever to
knock her dad out!

"So, uhm, Ranma?" Nabiki decided to cut to the heart of the matter. She
thought he was fairly cute, his clothes were fairly expensive, and that
watch certainly was. Was he rich, or wasn't he?

"Yeah?" Ranma looked the place over and decided that if these people had a
treasure, it would have to be a secret because their security was
nonexistent.

Soun awoke, groaning. "What hit me?"

"Sorry about that," Ranma said. "You startled me. Not a healthy thing to do.
So, Pops, you wanna go ahead and tell me where the treasure is?"

"You will marry one of Soun's daughters. Who are, after all, treasures."
Genma tried to look solemn and all-knowing from his position behind the
table.

Ranma stared for a moment, then chuckled. "Yeah right. Ya had me goin' there
for a minute. Now come on, ya been telling me about some great treasure I
was supposed to inherit..."

"That would be the Tendo Dojo, after you've married one of my little girls.
This is Kasumi, she's 19. Nabiki is 17, and Akane is 16. Pick which one
you'd like and she'll be your new bride."

Ranma's smile slowly evaporated. "Ya gotta be kidding me? Why would I even
*want* a dojo?"

That question seemed to catch Soun AND his daughters off guard. "B-because
it's a matter of honor. You MUST marry one of my daughters and carry on the
School of Anything Goes Martial Arts."

Ranma scratched his head. "Well, if it's Anything Goes, I've already got it,
and a dojo would just kinda be superfluous to that kinda style wouldn't it?"

"GENMA?!" Soun rounded on his old friend for an explanation.

"Errr, six years ago, I, uhm." Genma began sweating heavily as he tried to
cover himself.

"Six years ago he sold me to some guy to pay off his bartab," Ranma said
smoothly. "The guy he sold me to tried to use me in a scam, then leave me
off with some police. 'Cept I didn't want to be left behind. Food was
better, and this guy happened to have tricks that Pops here couldn't pull
off if his life depended on it. So I stuck around, applied the old 'anything
goes means *anything* can be martial arts training' schtick, and trained
with this guy and his gang for awhile. At age 16, I seperated from my
sensei, and last I heard he was going into retirement. At least if Zenigata
will let him."

"Errr, so. That's nice? Which daughter did you say you'll take?" Soun glared
at his friend's son. There were only three answers he was prepared to
accept.

Ranma shrugged and stood up. "Don't see any reason to remain. By selling me,
Pops essentially sold me out of the clan. Far as I'm concerned, the guy he
sold me to is my new clan. So it's not Ranma Saotome no more. It's Ranma
Lupin, adopted son of Arsene Lupin III."

"Lupin?!" Kasumi blinked in astonishment, having read of the masterthief's
exploits.

"Lupin?" Nabiki mused that over and considered that this might be a *very*
good match.

"Lupin?" Akane said. Well, he couldn't be much of a martial artist then.
Waitaminute, that meant that this Ranma was an international thief too!
Therefore it was the duty of a true martial artist to apprehend him. "Well,
I'll just call the police. Stay there and I won't have to hurt you."

Ranma's smirk returned. "Just try."

*SPLASH!*

"Wow, good aim!" Nabiki said after a moment. "Dead center in the koi pond."

Ranma straightened his vest. "Hey, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing
with class."

---------

"No, this is STILL wrong! Akane never makes mistakes! She's perfect and
unsullied. Sweet and demure. Even tempered and gentle and trustworthy! She's
a perfect virgin goddess!"

"Which Akane are we talking about... ?!" The dragon lunged forward, snagged
the cloak, and tugged it away. "AHA! i thought so!"

"Hey! That's mine! Give it back!"

"Go home, Akane. You can have a starring role in some other story..."

===========

-----------
"Those who say violence never solved anything
have never studied history. Violence continues to
be used not because it is easy, but because it is
effective when it has been applied properly."
-Misato Katsuragi, "A Soldier's Duty"

http://metroanime.home.mindspring.com
http://www.geocities.com/mamoru_tengoku
metro...@mindspring.com