Hi...I was going to tack this on to the "Family Denial" post, but my situation isn't dealing with my family's embarassment over my diagnosis. My brother (who is 7 years younger than me) and I have gotten into several heated arguments in the last few days regarding my diagnosis of bipolar. He has no problem accepting that I have depression and that I've been depressed beyond anything that he could ever imagine. He feels, however, that my diagnosis of bipolar is total bull-doo doo. I've tried to describe to him what happens to me during a manic episode (recklessness, overspending, rage, speeding, working 80-90 hours a week, going for days without sleep, going from a depressed episode where stuff would just pile up in my house to being on my hands and knees after 48 hours with no sleep cleaning my kitchen floor with a toothbrush). He says that all of those things that I did were just me being driven and not letting anyone push me down. He feels that I've accepted this "label" blindly and is pushing me to get a PET scan to "prove" that this is what I have. He says that it's irresponsible for my doctor and therapist to diagnose someone from a checklist of behaviors and that anyone could look at what they do and make a checklist apply to them. The really bad thing about this situation is that now my mother (who never questioned my diagnosis) is on the fence about it.
They also say that I've changed since being on this medication (seroquel and lexapro) and that I'm a totally different person. It seems that they want me to go back to the person who never stopped talking, was totally driven, etc. etc.
So...does anyone have any suggestions of how to deal with this? Should I get the PET scan (of which my insurance will only cover a part) to "prove" to them that I am bipolar? Does anyone know any more infomrmation about PET scans and how they are being used to diagnose bipolar? I'm not crazy enough (sorry about the pun) to go off my meds to prove them wrong...I don't ever want to go back to being that person. This just seems to be a huge barrier between my brother and I right now and I don't want it to be.
If you are in agreement with the diagnosis, there is no real reason to convince anyone else of it - if you feel better on your medication and it is working for you, then it doesn't matter whether your brother, mother, or anyone else agree with you or your doctors (where did they get their medical degrees?). I would stop the discussion and simply refuse to continue to be a part of it anymore. It is your body, your brain, your disease, don't let anyone take control of any of it. Robin from Colorado
Rose, So sorry you are going through this, thats so sad. Family should be there for you to support you and help lift you up when down. Mine was not there for me either, so I can sorta understand you pain. Hang in there and keep on doing what you feel is right, not letting anyone keep you down. warm hugs, Joyce
Hi...I was going to tack this on to the "Family Denial" post, but my situation isn't dealing with my family's embarassment over my diagnosis. My brother (who is 7 years younger than me) and I have gotten into several heated arguments in the last few days regarding my diagnosis of bipolar. He has no problem accepting that I have depression and that I've been depressed beyond anything that he could ever imagine. He feels, however, that my diagnosis of bipolar is total bull-doo doo. I've tried to describe to him what happens to me during a manic episode (recklessness, overspending, rage, speeding, working 80-90 hours a week, going for days without sleep, going from a depressed episode where stuff would just pile up in my house to being on my hands and knees after 48 hours with no sleep cleaning my kitchen floor with a toothbrush). He says that all of those things that I did were just me being driven and not letting anyone push me down. He feels that I've accepted this "label" blindly and is pushing me to get a PET scan to "prove" that this is what I have. He says that it's irresponsible for my doctor and therapist to diagnose someone from a checklist of behaviors and that anyone could look at what they do and make a checklist apply to them. The really bad thing about this situation is that now my mother (who never questioned my diagnosis) is on the fence about it.
They also say that I've changed since being on this medication (seroquel and lexapro) and that I'm a totally different person. It seems that they want me to go back to the person who never stopped talking, was totally driven, etc. etc.
So...does anyone have any suggestions of how to deal with this? Should I get the PET scan (of which my insurance will only cover a part) to "prove" to them that I am bipolar? Does anyone know any more infomrmation about PET scans and how they are being used to diagnose bipolar? I'm not crazy enough (sorry about the pun) to go off my meds to prove them wrong...I don't ever want to go back to being that person. This just seems to be a huge barrier between my brother and I right now and I don't want it to be.
Thanks for letting me ramble Rose :)
--------------------------------- Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using Yahoo! Messenger with Voice.
Rose, I suggest that your brother (and Mom) read some good book(s) on what happens to people who let themselves (or their spouse or family member) go 'drug-and-psychiatrist-free' after they have been diagnosed with depression and manic behaviour as severe as yours seems to me.
One very powerful book is by Judy Eron (she has entries in this blog), "What goes up... Surviving the Manic Episide of a Loved One" (You can find this at www.judyeron.com, or on amazon.com). Judy uses the word 'surviving' absolutely literally - she is not talking about just 'getting through' the episode, but about life and death. You can also find other books about this illness on amazon.com (I'm sure others in this group can make other suggestions).
It is a fact that human lives are cut short by bipolar illness. This is not a disease to take lightly or dismiss as something in the psychiatrist's head.
I think (though I'm not a doctor) that you have classic symptoms of both mania and depression. Your family needs to understand that the reality of psychiatric diagnosis is that it DOES (at this stage in psychiatry) depend mostly on detecting behavior that follows abnormal patterns, NOT on measuring your brain physically or chemically (although I understand progress may be occuring in that area too - see my comments at the end of this letter).
Surely YOU realize that cleaning your kitchen on your knees with no sleep for 48 hours is NOT NORMAL, and that your switching at other times into a depression "beyond anything he could imagine" is NOT something YOU were controlling by "not letting anyone push you down". You were controlled BY the illness (I think) not controlling IT. (Even in your case, the recklessness and rage 'manic' behaviours were not desireable, even if some of the other high-energy behaviour was desireable. Mania can even become psychotic in some cases, though - even more obviously abnormal)
Note that 'depression' can't (I understand) be treated alone, if you are bipolar. A manic episode 'by itself' can lead (even rather suddenly, as in Judy's book) to depression (and even suicidal depession....). Also, medicines that treat depression can trigger mania in some cases. Bipolar illness needs to be treated in its totality.
When I was diagnosed, a friend tried to deny my illness, and then to say there had to be some natural solution (lots of vitamin Bs etc). But I knew (with every fiber of my intelligence and sense) that I should stick with the findings of medical science and work with my doctor. Finally (after much arguing) my friend told me that, after all, he was just SCARED of my having an illness that could turn me into a 'witch'. Needless to say, I broke up with this friend.
But I think that being SCARED may have a lot to do with 'denial'. Your family (like my friend) wants your illness to be imaginary, to go away - it is just TOO SCARY to think that someone we love has this 'mental illness' that still has a terrible stigma in our society (at least for many people). It is a scary illness (maybe you're not religious, but in my terms, it is a real cross) - but we can be helped if we accept the reality of the illness. Otherwise, we will only (very likely) become more ill, and harder to help (it becomes harder if we miss taking our medicine, as in Judy's book).
Besides reading books, there may be a support group (eg DBSA) you can join (or more than one) in your area. (Judy Eron came to speak to our local DBSA group). Sometimes they allow family members to come as well - this could be a very good thing for your family (if they are willing)
Note that my friend (I think) also mentioned my getting a PET scan (or something of that sort), but my Dr. talked me out of it as being non-conclusive and not the way that the illness was really detected. However, this was over 5 years ago, so you could look further. But do talk to your doctor about whether a PET scan would (these days) be equally conclusive as diagnosis using more traditional means. If it is not really conclusive, then the results might get you in more trouble (i.e. by causing you to discontinue treatment).
I'll be thinking, and praying for you (and your family),
Rose wrote: > Hi...I was going to tack this on to the "Family Denial" post, but my > situation isn't dealing with my family's embarassment over my > diagnosis. My brother (who is 7 years younger than me) and I have > gotten into several heated arguments in the last few days regarding my > diagnosis of bipolar. He has no problem accepting that I have > depression and that I've been depressed beyond anything that he could > ever imagine. He feels, however, that my diagnosis of bipolar is total > bull-doo doo. I've tried to describe to him what happens to me during > a manic episode (recklessness, overspending, rage, speeding, working > 80-90 hours a week, going for days without sleep, going from a > depressed episode where stuff would just pile up in my house to being > on my hands and knees after 48 hours with no sleep cleaning my kitchen > floor with a toothbrush). He says that all of those things that I did > were just me being driven and not letting anyone push me down. He > feels that I've accepted this "label" blindly and is pushing me to get > a PET scan to "prove" that this is what I have. He says that it's > irresponsible for my doctor and therapist to diagnose someone from a > checklist of behaviors and that anyone could look at what they do and > make a checklist apply to them. The really bad thing about this > situation is that now my mother (who never questioned my diagnosis) is > on the fence about it.
> They also say that I've changed since being on this medication > (seroquel and lexapro) and that I'm a totally different person. It > seems that they want me to go back to the person who never stopped > talking, was totally driven, etc. etc.
> So...does anyone have any suggestions of how to deal with this? Should > I get the PET scan (of which my insurance will only cover a part) to > "prove" to them that I am bipolar? Does anyone know any more > infomrmation about PET scans and how they are being used to diagnose > bipolar? I'm not crazy enough (sorry about the pun) to go off my meds > to prove them wrong...I don't ever want to go back to being that > person. This just seems to be a huge barrier between my brother and I > right now and I don't want it to be.
Rose, Personally, I wouldn't allow anyone to question what I know to be true, family member or not. Your little brother needs to educate himself better on the issue of bipolar disorder. I would not, if I were you, engage in debates about whether or not you are bipolar. You know you are; why debate it?
If you feel better and more stable on your meds, why would anyone who loved you want you to go off of them? Your brother is the one exhibiting irresponsible and, I might add, not very caring or understanding behavior at the moment. He is being most immature.
This may or may not be helpful. I would say to your little brother that you appreciate his concern, however, it is your life. You have lived through the manic episodes and you do not wish to repeat them. You are not going to engage in debate about your disorder. You would appreciate his support in this matter, but if he is not willing to give it, so be it. Gentle firmness would be my stance. Remember Rose, you are his big sister and you are a grown woman. He most likely has his own personal reasons for not wanting you to have this diagnosis which actually have nothing to do with you at all.
I wish you all the best in the world. Keep on taking care of yourself. ~Stacy
Thank you, LC-- It's the strangest thing--I read your comments about my book, and the unreality of the whole tragedy hits me again. Like you say, things can happen so fast if a person stops medication on their own--an avalanche-- and bam! life changes.
Rose, I suggest that your brother (and Mom) read some good book(s) on what happens to people who let themselves (or their spouse or family member) go 'drug-and-psychiatrist-free' after they have been diagnosed with depression and manic behaviour as severe as yours seems to me.
One very powerful book is by Judy Eron (she has entries in this blog), "What goes up... Surviving the Manic Episide of a Loved One" (You can find this at www.judyeron.com, or on amazon.com). Judy uses the word 'surviving' absolutely literally - she is not talking about just 'getting through' the episode, but about life and death. You can also find other books about this illness on amazon.com (I'm sure others in this group can make other suggestions).
It is a fact that human lives are cut short by bipolar illness. This is not a disease to take lightly or dismiss as something in the psychiatrist's head.
I think (though I'm not a doctor) that you have classic symptoms of both mania and depression. Your family needs to understand that the reality of psychiatric diagnosis is that it DOES (at this stage in psychiatry) depend mostly on detecting behavior that follows abnormal patterns, NOT on measuring your brain physically or chemically (although I understand progress may be occuring in that area too - see my comments at the end of this letter).
Surely YOU realize that cleaning your kitchen on your knees with no sleep for 48 hours is NOT NORMAL, and that your switching at other times into a depression "beyond anything he could imagine" is NOT something YOU were controlling by "not letting anyone push you down". You were controlled BY the illness (I think) not controlling IT. (Even in your case, the recklessness and rage 'manic' behaviours were not desireable, even if some of the other high-energy behaviour was desireable. Mania can even become psychotic in some cases, though - even more obviously abnormal)
Note that 'depression' can't (I understand) be treated alone, if you are bipolar. A manic episode 'by itself' can lead (even rather suddenly, as in Judy's book) to depression (and even suicidal depession....). Also, medicines that treat depression can trigger mania in some cases. Bipolar illness needs to be treated in its totality.
When I was diagnosed, a friend tried to deny my illness, and then to say there had to be some natural solution (lots of vitamin Bs etc). But I knew (with every fiber of my intelligence and sense) that I should stick with the findings of medical science and work with my doctor. Finally (after much arguing) my friend told me that, after all, he was just SCARED of my having an illness that could turn me into a 'witch'. Needless to say, I broke up with this friend.
But I think that being SCARED may have a lot to do with 'denial'. Your family (like my friend) wants your illness to be imaginary, to go away - it is just TOO SCARY to think that someone we love has this 'mental illness' that still has a terrible stigma in our society (at least for many people). It is a scary illness (maybe you're not religious, but in my terms, it is a real cross) - but we can be helped if we accept the reality of the illness. Otherwise, we will only (very likely) become more ill, and harder to help (it becomes harder if we miss taking our medicine, as in Judy's book).
Besides reading books, there may be a support group (eg DBSA) you can join (or more than one) in your area. (Judy Eron came to speak to our local DBSA group). Sometimes they allow family members to come as well - this could be a very good thing for your family (if they are willing)
Note that my friend (I think) also mentioned my getting a PET scan (or something of that sort), but my Dr. talked me out of it as being non-conclusive and not the way that the illness was really detected. However, this was over 5 years ago, so you could look further. But do talk to your doctor about whether a PET scan would (these days) be equally conclusive as diagnosis using more traditional means. If it is not really conclusive, then the results might get you in more trouble (i.e. by causing you to discontinue treatment).
I'll be thinking, and praying for you (and your family),
Rose wrote: > Hi...I was going to tack this on to the "Family Denial" post, but my > situation isn't dealing with my family's embarassment over my > diagnosis. My brother (who is 7 years younger than me) and I have > gotten into several heated arguments in the last few days regarding my > diagnosis of bipolar. He has no problem accepting that I have > depression and that I've been depressed beyond anything that he could > ever imagine. He feels, however, that my diagnosis of bipolar is total > bull-doo doo. I've tried to describe to him what happens to me during > a manic episode (recklessness, overspending, rage, speeding, working > 80-90 hours a week, going for days without sleep, going from a > depressed episode where stuff would just pile up in my house to being > on my hands and knees after 48 hours with no sleep cleaning my kitchen > floor with a toothbrush). He says that all of those things that I did > were just me being driven and not letting anyone push me down. He > feels that I've accepted this "label" blindly and is pushing me to get > a PET scan to "prove" that this is what I have. He says that it's > irresponsible for my doctor and therapist to diagnose someone from a > checklist of behaviors and that anyone could look at what they do and > make a checklist apply to them. The really bad thing about this > situation is that now my mother (who never questioned my diagnosis) is > on the fence about it.
> They also say that I've changed since being on this medication > (seroquel and lexapro) and that I'm a totally different person. It > seems that they want me to go back to the person who never stopped > talking, was totally driven, etc. etc.
> So...does anyone have any suggestions of how to deal with this? Should > I get the PET scan (of which my insurance will only cover a part) to > "prove" to them that I am bipolar? Does anyone know any more > infomrmation about PET scans and how they are being used to diagnose > bipolar? I'm not crazy enough (sorry about the pun) to go off my meds > to prove them wrong...I don't ever want to go back to being that > person. This just seems to be a huge barrier between my brother and I > right now and I don't want it to be.
> Thanks for letting me ramble > Rose :)
author, What Goes Up. . .Surviving the Manic Episode of a Loved One
|
