Marshal's book "Life-Enriching Education

[Gedding]

I have just read through this book. I would like some feedback from
others who have read this book or have had experience with NVC at
schools.
Especially early childhood schools.

Most of the book was the OFNR technique.
The rest was the general philosophy of NVC in schools, with some
anecdotes.

What i would like to know is more of the specifics.

1- At what age can children use NVC language, conflic resolution,
student teaching, and other NVC techniques?

2- How does one deal with the needs of one or two children interupting
a group activity if pushed for time, if you are the only teacher
present, or if there is a risk of losing the attention of the rest of
the group of children?

3- How does one create NVC games for children?

4- How does one create learning partnerships between children?

5- How does one teach NVC to children?


Anyone with any tips, advice or feedback??

Thanks!

[Doug Johnson]

Hey,
NVC in Education is a specialty of Inbal Kashton at www.baynvc.com... she and others have done
extensive work training parents and educators with the use of NVC.

Doug

> .
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[Gedding]

thanks doug, i have not recieved any reply from the email i sent to
that website.
The website itself did not seem to have any information.

Does anyone else have experiences they would like to share about
teaching NVC concepts to kids.

In class today a boy was being punished for pushing another boy down.
I was talking to him (he is about 4 years old) about it and he told me
that the other boy pushed him out of line first.

And that his pop and the cowboys push baddies.

His time "thinking about what he had done" was teaching him nothing
except mayby guilt and reinforcing the idea that punishing people is
ok.

I realise it would benifit teaching NVC to the teachers but i would
like to teach it to the kids at the same time.
Any advice?

[Doug Johnson]

I guess what one is "supposed" to do in "thinking about what had been done" is to move into an
empathic space and experience the consequences of the act as if it had happened to you... at heart
it is about having empathy. Maybe a way to start this is to empathize with the boy about what needs
of his were not met by the boy pushing him out of line. Then, when he senses that contact with you
has been made, and he is closer to "neutral" you can ask him to empathize with the boy who was
pushed down.

I sent several emails to you directly with references to Inbal and education... if they don't make
it thru the hotmail filter, try Googling "Inbal Kashtan"...

Doug

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[Angela Harms]

This is something that comes up for me and people I love as well. I hear you saying that it hurt to watch this boy being punished, and you longed to reach out and change the situation into something more... life-enhancing. Is that right?

You were asking for resources, and experiences. I don't have experiences that I want to write about right now (doing some other work at the moment) but I do have a few resources to mention:

http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/aboutnvc/education.htm
http://www.cnvc.org/en/topics/nvc-educators
---
Life. Love. Food. www.lifelovefood.com
Cornucopia Press www.cornucopiapress.com
Writers' Editing Workshop www.writerseditingworkshop.com

[Gedding]

Thanks for the links, but i have already spent my last dollar on one
of the NVC and education books, and most of the links point to
purchasing books.
Also i am not interested in the NVC education available in my area. I
have attended a workshop and found it stifiling, excluding, unable to
hear and process feedback and ideas, and with an NVC knowledge below
what i would like.

What i would like is some personal experience of NVC with children
below the age of 6.
And some games and activities that would teach NVC or be in the NVC
spirit.

Again i realise there are some books on related topics, but i dont
have the funds, and have already gambled money on a Marshall book that
did not provide any of the information i was looking for, but instead
the overview of the philosophy of NVC.

There is happiness in seeing Angela and Doug willing to help, and
frustration when there is thoughts of past "official" NVC experiences.

The director at the school is organising a staff meeting for me to
teach NVC to the staff before taking it to the kids.
I would love some activities that would make NVC acessable to the
kids.

I guess it could center around
- feelings lists and explanations
- needs lists and explanations
- making requests using these words
- recognising jackal words
- empathysing with others

I might just end up making my own books and things.

[Doug Johnson]

Thanks for the open report of your reaction to the info sent.

One thing I might mention which I suspect you already know:
kids learn by imitation and example far better than by memorizing and trying to apply rules.

So.... playing jackal and giraffe around 5 or 6 topics where you act out one part then the other
would be very engaging. I suspect the kids will laugh when the jackal responds to some situations,
and they may be quiet or mildly amused with the giraffe responses. You could even ask them for
"jackal" responses to a statement you make, then ask for "giraffe" statements. Doing OFNR about your
experiences with them is likely to provide some merriment?

I do hope others have some more concrete proposals for you... I'm just winging it as if I had to do
a session with kids tomorrow!

Doug

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[Craig Sones Cornell]

Hi Gedding, this is Craig,

There is a wonderful article online called Power of Empathy by Patty
Zeitlin. She writes about profound empathy with a two year old.
http://www.nwcompass.org/power_of_empathy.html.

I have a technique for giraffe and jackal that does not require the
puppets that I have used. It was a smash hit in a classroom of
autistic middle schoolers. I will try to describe it. For Jackal, take
your hands and spread your fingers wide with the fingers curved. This
hand version of jackal can point out and in. For giraffe, cup your
hands slightly with your thumbs against the nearest finger. This can
also be in and out. The hand gestures have some advantages over the
puppets in that they are kinesthetic and thus teach by motion and body
involvement. They are also something the kids can do to join with your
as you demonstrate jackal and giraffe. Then have the kids practice
giving jackal in and out and giraffe in and out messages. They can add
snarls and licks and snorts for jackal and giraffe. Give them some
modeling first where you express your own jackal and giraffe messages.
Try to keep them kid level and vocabulary. Then let them give their
own examples. Of course they laugh at the jackal. (Marshall has said
do not tackle your jackal without a cackle. This was reported on an
online group.)
It is amazing to me how much fun they have with giraffe once they get
into it.

If kids are interrupting, you can go into giraffe honesty with a
variation of OFNR. When I hear you talking to each other when I and
others are talking, I feel frustrated, because everyone hearing is
important to me (kid speak which puts communication into action). I am
wondering if you would wait for a chance to say what you want to for
the whole class. Let them respond. Encourage feelings and needs and
other strategies of they want to make them. Once a child has developed
a strategy, they seeom to have a much greater tendency to follow it.
If there is still too much side talking for your preference, you can
go into clown giraffe (a variation of street giraffe) where you
exaggerate your OFNR with energy, humor, body gestures, funny faces,
and the like.

As to lists of feelings and needs, kids love to generate their own
lists. Feelings as a term is farily familiar to kids of 6 or so.
Instead of needs consider what is important to you.

There is a Yahoo group dedicated to education which you might want to
join and post to with this and other questions about classes and
groups of youngsters: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NVC_EdGroup/.

Good luck with the kids and I hope you contribute to their advancing
awareness of possibilities and that you have a lot of fun.

Licking and snorting, Craig.

[Angela Harms]

Hey, this is getting fun!

I especially love the idea of the hands without actual puppets. One reason I love it, besides the ones you mentioned, Craig, is that it's so easy to switch which hand is which that it might help keep clear that we can all be jackal or giraffe.

I'm sad and scared when I notice a tendency in myself and others to forget that, and think (or imply or teach) that some of us are giraffes and others are jackals. I am excited at being reminded, and to have this way of helping me in my work with kids, to be sure that's not what I'm implying.

Angela

---
Life. Love. Food. www.lifelovefood.com
Cornucopia Press www.cornucopiapress.com
Writers' Editing Workshop www.writerseditingworkshop.com

[Gedding]

I'm gonna try the scary hands to symbolise Jackal, and the cupped
hands together to symbolise a person's heart, and it being a giraffe
with a large heart.

Im thinking about turning "Jackal" into "tiger talk", because i dont
think kids in australia know what a jackal is.

Im thinking about explaining that "fingers in" means i am describing
what is alive in me.
"I" am feeling ___, because "I" am needing ____.

And tiger talk is when people talk about others.
YOU are noisey, YOU should stop it.

And then asking them about the different feelings they have when
specific needs are present. And showing pictures of needs.

Thoughts anyone?