Long Thread
Felton
"Ay Carumba" -Bart Simpson
"Does whisky count as beer?" -Homer Simpson
"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers." -Homer
"Donuts. Is there anything they *can't* do?" -Homer Simpson
"Gnarly show, man." "Wanna trash the stage?" "Okay."
"Hey! After the concert let's trash the place!"
"I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it!" -Bart Simpson
"I'd like to play my latest chart-topper..." -Bart Simpson
"I'd say you're a lying scumbag." -Homer Simpson
"Milhouse, we live in the age of cooties!" -Bart Simpson
"Mmmm, Gummy-Beer." -Homer Simpson
"Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck" -Maggie Simpson
"Uh, the script says I'm s'pose to bonk you with this?" -Krusty
"We monorail conductors are a crazy breed!" -Homer Simpson
"Why, I go in and out of coma's all the..." *SNORE* -Grampa
Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with The Simpsons.
If only life were as real as The Simpsons.
[7G05] There's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is
turned.
[7F11] The three little sentences that will get you through life:
1. Cover for me.
2. Oh, good idea, Boss!
3. It was like that when I got here.
[8F07] If stuff starts flying, just turn your head!
[8F08] You know, if you tip the glass, there won't be so much foam on
top.
[8F19] Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
[8F13] Its a crock, no matter how good you are there is someone
better.
[Bart then says ``Can't win, don't try''] {sg}
[8F21] If something's hard to do then it's not worth doing {sg}
[9F03] [Getting out of jury duty] The trick is to say you're
prejudiced
against all races. {jw}
[9F05] If something goes wrong...blame the guy who can't speak
English.
[1F15] Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether
you
win or lose -- it's how drunk you get.
[1F16] Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The
lesson is,
never try.
[7G03] Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
[7F10] Ah, good old trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.
[8F11] There's only one can of beer left and it's Bart's!
[8F16] Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge, but you got a butt that
won't
quit. They got those big chewy pretzels here <gibberish>
five dollars?! Get outta here! <trails off>
(after Marge buys him a six-pack of Duff bottles along with
SLH's new doghouse)
Beer! How did you know?!
[Beer] They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your
own
mother just to get one!
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Ah beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel if you will.
Start button (The Simpsons pinball game)
samplers ("Keyboard" magazine)
marshmallows
chocolate/double chocolate/triple chocolate
macamadamia [sic] nuts (Cookie Collossus store)
horse doovers (at house party)
pancakes (has pancakes for breakfast)
barbecue (watches the Flanderses' cookout)
pancakes (has pancakes for breakfast at the asylum)
money (drools on the money printing press)
spaghetti (Mr. Burns' head attached)
sprinkles (robohomer)
purple (checking out the donut flavours)
beer (next to king toot's music store)
salty (swipes a beef jerky from the Kwik-E-Mart)
snouts (seeing SLH's food)
the land of chocolate {as}
chocolate (thrice) (Neapolitan ice cream)
crumbled-up cookie things (imagines ice cream)
donuts (sees donuts being delivered)
potato chips (imagines chowing down on chips)
strained peas (tasting Maggie's food)
snouts {as}
delicious (snarfing jam straight from the jar)
fattening (eating moon waffle[tm])
soylent green (as man orders it from counter at movie theater)
burgher (chief justice of the supreme court)
shrimp (after seeing a seafood television commercial)
hog fat (outside rendering plant)
ham (ghostly Homer)
grapefruit (after telling Pepe a story about Bart)
gummy bear (at the Duff Brewery)
organized crime {mp}
chocolate (spots a candy machine)
beer
beer (sips his Duff)
sixty-four slices of American cheese (at kitchen table)
candy (sees vending machine)
convenient (imagining vending machines stuck on his arms)
invisible cola (sees vending machine)
business deal (Burns buys blood bank)
forbidden donut (dreamily, at refrigerator)
apple (from bottom of Bart pit)
hamburgers (smells it)
free goo (Bart and Milhouse are covered with gum)
Marge (while in bed with Marge)
foot-long chilli dog (with Mindy)
mediciney (drinking water from ball-floating test)
sacrilegious (waffle from roof)
caramel (Lisa and Bart stuck to him with tar)
elephant-fresh (bird grooms him)
something (generic)
I bent my Wookie!
-Ralph Wiggum
Oh my god! It's a ghost car!
-Chief Wiggum
Mr. Hutz, are you aware that you're not wearing any pants?
-Judge ???
Would you like some marzipan joy-joys?
-Uter
Lisa: Chief Wiggum, that story's not suitable for children!
Chief Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.
-"Ralph loves Lisa"
"There appears to be beer coming from the chimney. Am proceeding on foot
. . . bring pretzels! I repeat, bring pretzels!" --Chief Wiggum
Grandpa " It's evil, I tell ya! EEEEeeevil!"
Marge " Grandpa, you said that about all the presents."
Grandpa " I just want attention."
"Curse you, magic beans!" -Homer Simpson
"A cool ball gathers no gutters." -Homer Simpson
--
Felton
Klairol for Klingons, because today is a good day to dye!
MEGAHERTZ: When something is really painful.
* \.o.,*o..+:"/.ov* <----- Tagline debris.
20 Dumb (L)users in freezer: Frosted flakes.
Felton
"A red spaceship on the monitor, your vileness." Calvin
"Ever walk into a Denny's at 3 AM? Looks like the bar in Star Wars!"
"How long will a man lie in space ere he rot?" -- Hamlet
"I operate a space bar", Quark said blankly.
"In space all warriors are cold warriors" - General Chang.
"In space it's never `Miller Time'" - Opus
"It isn't my f****** planet, monkey boy!" -- John Big Booty
"Jim Beam" me up, Scotchy! There's no more booze on this planet.
"May the Great Bird of the Galaxy bless you planet." - Sulu
"Off Utopia Planetia; thru the DS9 airlock, nothing but net." - Jordan
"Space is big, REALLY big." Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"The Galaxy can be a dangerous place when you're on your own" - Q
"The planet isn't going anywhere... WE ARE!" -- George Carlin
"We all come from our own little planets." Cary Grant
"We are the greatest planet on Earth." - Al Gore
"We're as serious as a rip in a spacesuit." - Neeoma Connally
The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas
Instruments. - from 'The Creation of the Universe' on PBS
"Welcome to the Star Tours Tomorrowland Space Port
-= late score: deep space 9 babylon 5 earth 2 :late score =-
-= my other time/space machine is a tardis =-
...space is deep...
1 if by land, 2 if by sea, 3 if by hyperspace route.
a few tiles missing from his space shuttle.
a point in the space time continuum.
acme space and explosives - we can put anything in orbit!!!
adam was the first man in space.
ah..the vastness of space and time...and i end up here.
aliens from outer space sleep under my car nightly....
and you thought space was warped...
another sign of the last days -- space ghost has a talk show.
aquatic huge giant space hamster.
at last, the eludium q36 explosive space modulator!
b.a. baraccus of borg: i ain't goin' in no spaceship!
b5 is the place to be, space livin' is the life for me...
babylon 5: casablanca in space.
Bother! said Pooh, as he ripped the fabric of Time and Space.
Broke down in space? Call Scotty's Roving Repair Service!
Careful... This guy is one planet short of a full system.
Chang: In space, all warriors are cold warriors.
Cows ride Space Shuttle - the herd shot round the world.
Deep Space 9's Mission: To boldly stay where no one has stayed before!
E.V.A. Rule #6: Never annoy the astronauts *inside* the spacecraft.
Elvis has left the planet.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Error NCC1701: Data transported to outer space...
Even in space, booze satisfies! -- Crow T. Robot
Even in the future, nothing works! - Dark Helmet from Spaceballs
Exercise? I would rather be space walking!
Expand your horizons - move to a bigger planet.
Expand your mind; send it to space.
For space is just a starry night where no suns ever rise.
Format another planet(Y/N)?
Found on Borg Spacecraft: MICROSOFT BORG, v.4.1.
Graduate: Ferengi Business School
Graduate: Klingon Military Academy
Graduate: Borg Institute of Technology
HYPERSPACE: For travellers sick of calculating Improbability Factors!
Hang on, we're going to make space tracks!
Have spacesuit, will travel. - Heinlein
Have subspace modem, will telecommunicate.
Have you got some reason you want my atoms scattered all over space?
He only took 248 Spacebucks for lunch, gas and tolls.
Heavens, did your spaceship just land yesterday???
Help Conserve the Earth - Promote Space Colonization
Here I am, brain the size of a planet- Marvin
Hey, Arthur! Lookee, I'm being abducted by space aliens! - The Tick
Hmmm. Mine got here by spacecraft and teleportation in 1900.
How can you make a spacesuit look like evening wear?
Human & a salt shaker, fused into one -Crow on space suit
"I am from Iowa. I only work in outer space." -Kirk
I am not an alien from space reconnoitering this world.
I'm one with the Universe---on a scale from 1 to 10.
I know how to talk to these Space Vixens.
I need a drink--where's the SPACE BAR?
I'll call Spaceballs City and tell President Skroob immediately.
I'm in space with a man who'd lose a battle of wits with an iguana.
If God meant man to be in space, He wouldn't have given us stomach's!
If I wanted a ride home, would I be trying to charter a space flight?
If Intel ran StarFleet it would be Deep Space 8.999999997
If Voyager folded space, it would become the V'ger.
If space is a vacuum, does that mean the Universe sucks?
If space is the final frontier, what's TIME?
If space is warped, time is all that's weft.
If the universe is expanding, how come I can't find a parking space?
If there were no such thing as gravity, the earth would fly off into space!
If time and space are relatives, why don't they come to my party?
If we can put men in space, why not metal in a microwave.
In space no one can hear you moo.
In space, no one can here you laugh!!
In the spaceship, the silver space ship, the lion takes control
In the vastness of space and time, why did I end up here?
It waits... at the limits of time and space.
It's always a nice day in outer space.
Its Spaceball one! They've gone to plaid!
Just another wrinkle in the fabric of time and space.
LOST: 1 Iludium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
Language is a virus from outer space.
Leaves us drifting in space! - Rimmer
Like being on LSD: Lousy Space Dramas - Crow on effects
Looking for a used starship? Call the Ferengi Used SpaceShips Lot!
Lost in time and lost in space and meaning.
Lt. Orville, report to airlock 3, spacesuit optional.
Magrathea: We build planets YOUR way. (Magrathean Commercial Council)
Make Windows fly... put it on the space shuttle...
Meanwhile, in outer space...
Mercenaries Wanted * Apply at: Union Aerospace Corporation, Phobos
Mr. President, we can save the space station. We'll just tax it!
My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ...
Newfie astronauts do nothing but take up space in school
No, I'm from outer space. I only get my E-Mail in New York.
Not in this space time continuum you won't - Quark to Martis
Now that we travel in space how about travelling in time?
OS/2 is to the space shuttle as Windows is to a rowboat.
Oh God, it's far out space nuts - Crow
Oh my! I'd forgotten how much I hate space travel!
Old aliens never die. They just fill in space!
On the next episode of Space: Nineteen Dollars and Ninety-Nine Cents..
Outer space in a propeller plane? I think not.
Quantum particles: The dreams that stuff is made of.
Photons have mass? I didn't know they were catholic!
Planet 98% full. Delete politicians? (Y/y)
Planet Earth has been UNREGISTERED for 6,978,253,410.983 years.
Planetary creation error: (A)bort, (R)etry, (E)volve?
Pre-spaceflight (first age of mankind).
Prepare to go into hyperspace on my mark
Property of the Sontaran Army Space Corps.
Riker to Data: Give the Borg Doublespaced Dos 6.0!
Ross Perot Had A 2 Hour Summit With Space Aliens
Save A Planet. Collect All Nine.
Some people call me the Space Cowboy
Sorry No Tagline!..Lost in Space...
Space Alien weds two-headed Elvis-clone - Hobbes
Space Ghost rulez the world!
Space NOW ! Oh well, maybe later ...
Space Shuttle chore: Get roadies to unload amps and drum kit.
Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so.
Space is curved. Either that or my car pulls to the left.
Space is empty because 9/10ths of it is missing.
Space panties. For that girl who thinks her ass is outta this world.
Space, the final frontier... 0 bytes free.
Space-age cybernomad.
Space...the final frontier: yeah? Seen my bedroom?
Spaceballs: The Tagline
Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer.
Stone Age Minds with SPACE AGE tools...
Swirled yogurt. Essential to space travel.
TV Space aliens are always immune to bullets.
TV Truth #1: Explosions in space make noise.
That's no moon, that's a space station! - Obi Wan
The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas
Instruments. - PBS
The Few. The Proud. Join the Space Marines!
The Martian canals were the Martians' last ditch effort.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
The other end of the Galaxy? What could it mean? A circle has no end?
Then at a deadly pace It Came From Outer Space...
There's no future in time travel.
There is no night in deep space, and time is a meaningless concept
This planet is FULL, you must make space for additions!
This isn't some Deep Space franchise! --Ivanova.
Time: an illusion brought to you by the makers of space.
Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy!
Tribble like time fills empty space
Turbolift button for 10-Forward? "Space Bar" of course!
Used starship for sale. Call AT&T Subspace BR-549.
We're holding Elvis' brain hostage on planet Zork. Alert Ted Koppel.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When
planets do it we say they are orbiting.
When you're in space, which way is up?
Where are Deep Space 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8?
You! What PLANET is this?
Felton
Bulldozer: One who can sleep through a campaign speech.
Cats sleep on shelves like motorized bookends.
Childhood: That period when nightmares occur only during sleep.
Closed eyes are not always sleeping.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep until noon.
Early to rise is for the birds. I'll sleep late, thanks. Halfway between
sleep and awake, dreams are remembered.
He's always sharpening his sleeping skills.
I am so quick, I am even fast asleep.
I wasn't sleeping! I was temporarily attention deficient.
I'll sleep in the afterlife...
I'm always sharpening my sleeping skills.
Life is something to do when you cannot get to sleep.
Sleep: What you do when you run out of caffeine.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
What makes you think you're going to get any sleep?
When everything fails, try sleeping. It really helps!
You puppies go to sleep. I need the rest.
Felton
morning!"
"A generation which ignore history has no past -- and no future."
"A proper perspective about one's history is vital." -- Disraeli
"A rather barbaric period in your American history." Spock
"Anyone can make history. Only a great man can write it." - Oscar Wilde
"Assassination has never changed the history of the world."
"Does history record ANY case in which the majority was right?"
"Fantasy as the bait, with history as the hook." -- Heydt
"History is a better guide than good intentions." - Jean Kirkpatrick
"History is a distillation of rumor." -- Carlyle
"History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake."
"History is an agreed-upon set of lies." -- Napoleon Bonaparte
"History is philosophy from examples." -- Dionysus
"History is but a tableau of crimes and misfortunes."--Voltaire
"Ideology is history full of myth, but devoid of fact."
"That great dust-heap called `history'." -- Birrell
"The history of Liberty is the history of resistance."
"The history of war is but a bloody romance." -J.F.C. Fuller
"The judgment of history depends on who writes it." - Richard Nixon
"To be nameless in worthy deeds exceeds an infamous history."
A family history shows you have lived!
A lot of history isn't fit to repeat itself.
A person can be poor at history, but great on dates.
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
A woman's life is a history of affections.
Accidents cause History.
And today will go down in history as Unknown.
Answers for the future from a history of solutions.
Atilde~The~Hun...He left his diacritical mark on history.
Bard is so old that he doesn't learn history. He remembers it.
Cheap way to trace your family history--run for public office.
Civilization - biggest syntax error in history!
Deja News...History.
Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.
Do you get a complete family history when you enter Heaven?
Don't touch it! It's the history eraser button you fool!
Each day is a drive through history. -Jim Morrison
Every mosquito bite in history was caused by a female.
Every time history repeats itself the price goes up.
God can't alter history, so he created historians.
Happy people don't make history. - French proverb
He is so old that he doesn't have to learn history. He remembers it!
He who does not remember the past gets an F in History
HISTORY.LIE Virus Detected - Run FEMINIZT.BAT !
HISTORY: Oldest program ever.
History: A bunch of lies written by the victors.
History and reality are both what you make of them.
History books get it right on the second edit.
History in the making is always censored.
History is a continuing series of current events.
History is a lame excuse for the stupid things men do.
History is a one way road with all exits closed.
History is everything that happens apart from weather.
History is the refutation of the "moral world order." - Nietzsche
History is the science of what never happens twice.
History never repeats itself.
History never repeats itself. At best it sometimes rhymes.
History proves, Military Budget cuts equals economic hard times.
History repeats itself, first as a tragedy, then as a farce.
History repeats itself. Historians repeat each other.
History repeats itself. I'll have another glass of orange juice!
History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with it.
History tends to exaggerate.
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
History will repeat itself as long as no one listens to it.
I'm not paranoid - just a student of history.
In human history, most leaders prove to be good bleeders.
Memoirs are the backstairs of history.
Memories keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.
Naked people have little influence on history.
News is the first rough draft of History...
Naked people have little influence on history.
No country in history has ever taxed itself into prosperity.
Social studies: History diluted in holy water.
Soda Pop History: Ginger Aile
The dreams of the future are better than the history of the past.
The Joy of Sux - The History of the Electric Vacuum.
The most dangerous animal in all history walks on two legs.
The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn.
Those who fail to repeat history are doomed to study it.
Those who will not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
We learn from history that we do not learn from history.
Your life history is stored in BIOS.
Felton
"34? War is good for business" - Quark
"A great warrior? Wars not make one great." - Yoda
"A man-of-war is the best ambassador." -Oliver Cromwell
"A war put off is not a war avoided." - Charlton Heston
"All warfare is based on deception." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"Dive-bombed, napalmed, nuclear warheaded..."
"Do you see anything good coming out of this war?"-"Me. Alive."-Hawk
"Dogs of war, and men of hate, with no cause, we don't discriminate"
"In space, all warriors are cold warriors." - Chang
"In war there is no substitute for victory." - Douglas MacArthur
"It is war that shapes peace, and armament that shapes war." -Fuller
"Make deals, not war." - Swindle
"Moderation in war is imbecility." Admiral John Fisher
"My angels and my demons at war"
"No God, no war. Know God, know war"
"Patriotism...is the egg from which wars are hatched." -de Maupassant
"Peace is an extension of war by political means." - Heinlein
"The First Law of War: Never get involved in a land war in Asia."
"The Second Law of War: Never march on Moscow!"
"The Third Law of War: Never *ever* attack the United States."
"The United States has much to offer the third world war."
"The War on Drugs" - America's latest Vietnam.
"The fear of war is worse than war itself." -Seneca
"Then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe"
"There is nothing so subject to the inconstancy of fortune as war."
"There is no good war or bad peace." B. Franklin
"There'll always be another war." -- Frank Burns
"There's only one truth about war: people die." - Sheridan
"This means war!" "I thought it meant touchdown?" - Animaniacs
"This was a great war until you guys showed up."-Burns, to Trap & Hawk
"To have good soldiers, a nation must always be at war." -Napoleon
"To live is to war with trolls." * Henrik Ibsen
"WAR : We Are Right" - Chief Elder, Pangaea
"War and whiskey don't mix." -- General Steele
"War doesn't determine who's right War determines who's left"
"War hath no fury like a noncombatant's." - Montague
"War is a matter of vital importance to the state." -Sun Tzu
"War is an organized bore." -Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
"War is nothing but a duel on a larger scale." -Clausewitz
"War is peace." - George Orwell's 1984
"War is the playground of the ignorant." -- Highbrow
"War is the science of destruction." -Abbott
"War is the usual condition of Europe." -Kropotkin
"War is...a trinity of violence, chance, and reason." -Clausewitz
"War isn't a good life, but it's life." - Kirk
"War would end if the dead could return." - Stanley Baldwin
"War's a dirty game - and I'm a dirty player!" - Blades, Autobot
"War. All that running around and shooting one another."
"What if the enemy got this?" - Frank. "We'd win the war." - Potter
"What if they had a war, and only chickens came ?"
'Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars!' - A. Hitler
5 second grenade fuses will burn down in 3 seconds. 'Murphy
A good shotgun prepares you for the game of war.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day
A war worth waging is one against the poverty of ideas
After World War III, only roaches and lawyers will survive.
All missile, no warhead.
All of life is a war.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. 'Murphy
Arch Duke Ferdinand found alive! First World War a mistake!
Armed Citizenry: Ultimate Bulwark against Tyranny!
Army food: The spoils of war.
Ban the bomb! Save the world for conventional warfare.
Bartucis: Movie about a spikey-haired Roman Warrior.
Beer math: 2 beers * 37 men = 49 cases. 'Murphy
Body-count math: 3 bodies + 1 maybe + 2 pigs = 37 enemy KIA. 'Murphy
Buy Israeli War Bagels
Civil War is an oxymoron
Coming Soon to a Theater of War Near You: Desert Storm II!
Cry *squeek* and let loose the ferrets of war!
Cry Havoc! And let slip the taglines of war... W. Tagspeare
Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! --Shakespeare.
Diplomacy: the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior.
Do the words 'act of war' mean anything to you?
Don't look conspicuous - it draws fire. 'Murphy
Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.
Draft beer, not people.
Dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon's fire.
Even a war unicorn can't stand up to demononic halitosis. - Aahz
Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You.
Friendly fire - isn't. 'Murphy
I was a war baby. My parents took a look at me and started fighting.
I'm starting a War for Peace!
If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid. 'Murphy
If the enemy can't get in, you can't get out. 'Murphy
If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU! 'Murphy
If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.
'Murphy
If you are short of everything but enemy, you are in combat. 'Murphy
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. 'Murphy
Imagination is our only weapon in the war against reality.
In a war whose escalation eradicates civil liberties, go for the win!
In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equally.
In case of nuclear war, prayer in schools will be okay.
In love there are two evils: war and peace. - Horace, 65-8BC
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage.
In the next Nuclear war, will we know all the bomb's names?
In time of war the laws are silent. - Cicero
Incoming fire has the right of way. 'Murphy
It's a sad fact that we can secure peace by preparing for war
Make Love, Not War. Get Married & Do BOTH!
Murphy was a grunt. 'Murphy
Never forget your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. 'Murphy
No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection. 'Murphy
No plan survives the first contact intact. 'Murphy
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. 'Murphy
Remember the cold war? How pre-millennial!
Remember when a trojan was a warrior?
Stop trying to bring the war in under budget. - BJ to Maj. Burns
Suppressive fires - won't. 'Murphy
The best thing about war is the end of it
The diversion you are ignoring is the main attack. 'Murphy
The easy way is always mined. 'Murphy
The important things are always simple. 'Murphy
The side with the simplest uniforms wins. 'Maj Mark Cancian
The simple things are always hard. 'Murphy
The only drawback of total nuclear war is $#@#%^NO CARRIER
The only real winner of the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
The tragedy of war is using man's best to do man's worst
There's a war on and we've no time for violence. - Frank Burns
Tracer rounds work BOTH ways. 'Murphy
Try to look unimportant, the bad guys may be low on ammo. 'Murphy
WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace.
WAR: Fight 'em, whip 'em -- feed 'em and finance 'em.
WAR: Hi-tech natural selection.
War is God's way of teaching us geography.
When both sides think they will lose, they're both right. 'Murphy
When in doubt; empty the magazine. 'Murphy
When you have secured an area, ensure you tell the enemy. 'Murphy
Felton
Reality (n.): Where the pizza dude comes from.
Rejection: When your imaginary friends won't talk to you.
Experience: What you get when you don't get what you want.
Anxiety: Nature's way of getting you up mornings.
Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to
rich people in poor countries.
Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal ignorance.
Irony: God gave the tortoise a drag factor of .03
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head
like this before.
Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.
Slavery: Not just a job, it's indenture!
Karaoke: A Japanese word meaning "tone deaf".
Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.
Bulimic: A student on the meal plan.
A conclusion is where somebody got tired of thinking.
Opera: Where a guy gets stabbed in the back and sings about it.
Cheerleader: A girl whose face melts near an open flame.
Oxymoron: One who does not know how to use pimple medication.
Chocolate: the other major food group.
Capitalism: Man exploiting man. Socialism: The reverse.
Canadians: The *other* Americans.
Unilingual (n.): American.
Haggis: The 5th state of matter.
Cheating: Playing by the rules they teach in business school.
Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Fundamentalism: Fund (give money) + Amentalism (without brains).
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.
`Normal' is a setting on a washing machine.
Now (nou), adv: A moment in time that has already passed.
Once (wuns), adv: Enough.
Health: The slowest possible rate of dying.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.
Childish game: One at which you cannot beat your spouse.
Aibohphobia: Fear of palindromes.
Public Office: The last refuge of the incompetent.
Language: A dialect with an army and navy.
Pizza *is* the four food groups.
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Sleep: That fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.
Modem: A deterrent to phone solicitors.
Feudalism: When it's your Count that votes.
Bore: One who, upon being asked how they are, tells you.
Cynic: Someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket.
Floor: The place where you keep your clothes.
Answer: What everybody is still looking for.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Fine: Tax for doing wrong. Tax: Fine for doing fine.
Witlag: The delay between delivery and comprehension of a joke.
Skier: Someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them.
A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Anarchy: Such a good idea, it should be the law.
Dogmatism: Puppyism come to full growth.
Dime: A dollar after taxes.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Lawyer: The larval form of a politician.
A professor is someone who talks in somebody else's sleep.
Work is the slow, dragging fingernail on the blackboard of life.
Cafeteria: An eatery where the "catch of the day" is botulism.
Poker face: The face that launched a thousand chips.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Sushi: Known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'.
Adventure is the champagne of life.
Apartment: A place to store dirty laundy until you can go home to
Mom.
Dumb Jock (slang): A redundant expression.
Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.
Alma Mater: Latin for 'our mutha'.
Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy, but don't swallow.
Masculine: Unable to deal with dirty diapers.
Theater is like holding a mirror up to a keyhole.
Cynic: A sentamentalist on guard.
Life is a collection of low-probability events.
Pessimist: One who complains about the noise when opporuntiy knocks.
Committee: 12 people doing the work of one.
Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at life.
A hobby is getting exhausted on your own time.
Cult: A religion with no political power.
Abstract Logic: 1. See definition 2. 2. See definition 1.
Sales resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
Manners: The noises you don't make while eating soup.
Federal Law: Ten thousand books explaining the Ten Commandments.
Conscience: The inner voice warning you that somebody is looking.
Nostalgia Buff: One who finds the past perfect and present tense.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Poker: A game where a good deal depends on a good deal.
Cash, a poor person's credit card.
Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Golfer: One who yells "fore!", takes five and writes down three.
Retirement: Twice as much husband, half as much money.
School: Building with four walls and tomorrow inside.
Felton
carpe deum........ god is a fish
carpe carpe....... sieze the fish
crape diem........ bad day
carpe diem........ complain daily
carpe per diem.... sieze the check
carpe canem....... sieze the dog
carpe devo........ sieze the record
carnivore carpe.... RUN!!
carpe calypso.... .sieze the DAY-O
or sieze the dance
or sieze the boat
carpe Teva........sieze the sandal
carpe noctum...... sieze the night
carpe horribilis.. sieze the ugly bear
carpe explodem.. my engine seized.
carpe Shar-Pei - Sieze the Dog
car pediem - seize the clutch.
carpe Palazzo - Seizer's Palace.
carpe bosom........sieze the ...
carpe Tunnel................my wrist seized.
carpe carp ....... Seize the fish
carpet Diem................ Sieze the Rug
carpayment Diem.......Sieze the Checkbook
carpe Diarrheum........Sieze the Toilet Paper
carp Diem.....................Fish of the Day
crampy Diem................Sieze the Mido
carpe Diet....................Sieze the Ricecake
carpe Dig'em...............Sieze the Sugar Smacks
carnal Diem..................Sieze the Smut
carpe Duh....................Sieze the Idiot
carpe carneros..........sieze the meat.
carpe badjokius... sieze the teller of these jokes
carpe peking ........pass the duck
Felton
do..."
... "Coffee, black and strong." -- Cooper
... "What do you mean 'I burnt the oatmeal'? That's COFFEE!!
... (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)o fix the coffee
... ... 1-2-3-4 We're Sgt. Pepper'sLonely Tag Lines Band!
... 4 Food Groups: Coffee, Chocolate, Ice Cream, Coffee
... 4 food groups: Coffee, Chocolate, Sugar, and Sex.
... A mathematician is just a machine for turning coffee into theorems
... A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
... Another pot of coffee down the programming hatch!
... Captain, we're being hailed by Myra I Fox, who says:
... Coffee - 1 sugars - milk - and aspirin.
... Coffee and cigarettes: The first two peripherals!
... Coffee and Echo mail are my second and third favorite things in
the AM.
... Coffee doesnt cause cancer --------Water does!!!
... Coffee flavored cigarettes: kill yourself twice as fast.
... Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
... Coffee is good food.
... Coffee line forms here. Take a number.
... Coffee not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all asleep
... Coffee sweetend with NO-DOZ...Programmers' fuel...
... COFFEE.COM not found: A)dd more, R)eheat F)reak out
... COFFEE.EXE not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all asleep
... COFFEE.POT Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
... COFFEE.POT not found; kill (E)verybody (S)elected bodies (Y)ou?
... Decaff: Use it to sober up after drinking non-alcoholic beer!
... Decaffeinated coffee is like kissing your sister.
... Decaffeinated coffee? Just Say No.
... Decaffeinated coffee? Kinda like kissing your sister.
... Decaffinated coffee? What's the point of THAT!?
... Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.
... Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until
noon.
... Don't talk to me until I've had my second cup of coffee
... Drink your coffee! There are poor people in India sleeping!
... Everybody should believe something: I believe I'll have more
coffee.
... Everything I know, I learned from coffee.
... Get me some coffee and ask me again in ten minutes.
... I can build a cheesecake out of limestone & coffee in under 5
minutes.
... I eat coffee straight from the can. Why dilute it?
... I suggest you stay away from the coffee there buddy!
... Instant Human: Just Add Coffee...
... Is there life before coffee?
... Life begins after coffee!
... Life's too short for bad coffee.
... Love & scandal are coffee's best sweeteners.
... Make another pot of coffee...I'm gonna read mail
... Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish.
... Message brought to you by sufficient coffee ingestion.
... Mindless ramblings brought to you courtesy of much caffeine.
... My God... It's full of coffee!
... Never drink coffee that's been anywhere near a fish.
... One Nation, with Liberty, Large Fries, and a Coffee to go!
... Operator out of coffee...taglines may become irrational...
... Oxymoron: Decaffeinated coffee
... Pablo and Gibsons coffee brings a new meaning to the word vomit.
... Red eye special-A double espresso with a shot of coffee.
... Rule #5: Everyone must buy coffee for Jenny.
... Severe Error 102: Insufficient Coffee, Operator Halted.
... Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee.
... Syntax Error in KITCHEN.EXE: COFFEE not found.
... The four food groups: coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza.
... There's too much blood in my caffeine-stream.
... This is your brain on drugs, toast and coffee
... This is... excuse my language... damn good coffee.
... Transporter room, beam that tagline up immediately!
... Try cooling coffee by holding it closer to your heart.
... Ultimate office automation: Networked coffee machines!
... Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!
... We did, and here are ours: stand by to beam them aboard.
... When serving coffee to tricks use paper cups! Both are Disposable!
... Where does the brown go from the coffee when you drink it?
... Your fighter doesn't get bonuses because he drinks coffee.
Felton
"A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate." -- RAH
"A cat is only domestic so far as suits its own needs." -- RAH
"Admiral Heinlein doesn't let the Soviets build spacecraft."
"A government supported artist is an incompetent whore." -- RAH
"All men are created unequal." -- Heinlein
"All cats are *not* grey at night. Endless variety..." -- RAH
"All's fair in love And war. What A Contemptible Lie!" -- RAH
"Always cut the cards." -- Heinlein
"Always store beer in a dark place." -- Heinlein
"Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not."
"A motion to adjourn is always in order." -- Heinlein
"An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject." -- RAH
"An armed society is a polite society." -- RAH
"Any priest must be presumed guilty until proved innocent." - RAH
"Avoid making irrevocable decisions while hungry." -- Heinlein
"A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes." -- RAH
"Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception," -- RAH
"Blame not on stupidity what is best explained by ignorance."
"Budget the luxuries *first*!" -- Heinlein
"Cats, like butterflies, need no excuse." -- Heinlein
"Certainly the game is rigged." -- Heinlein
"Civil servant is semantically equal to civil master." -- RAH
"Committee: A life form with 6 or more legs and no brain." -- RAH
"Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions" RAH
"Courage is the complement of fear." - Heinlein
"Courtesy is the lubricant of social interaction." -- Heinlein
"Don't try to have the last word. You might get it." -- Heinlein
"Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications." -- RAH
"Everything in excess! Moderation is for monks!" -- Heinlein
"Experts tell you what can't be done and why." -- Heinlein
"I believe in an individual's freedom to be happy." -- Heinlein
"If it can't be expressed in figures it is not science." -- RAH
"If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people." -- RAH
"If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat." -- RAH
"In handling a stinging insect, move very slowly." -- RAH
"It is better to copulate then never." -- RAH
"Good research is *always* profitable." -- Heinlein
"Kissing girls is a goodness. It beats hell out of card games."
"Liberal should be a 4-letter word." -- Heinlein
"Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse." -- Heinlein
"Majority Rule can be the worst tyranny of all." -- Heinlein
"Man must reach for the stars, else he will wither and die."
"Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs our thinking."
"Most `scientists' are bottle washers and button sorters." -- RAH
"Natural laws have no pity." -- Heinlein
"Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you." -- RAH
"Never insult someone by accident." -- Heinlein
"Never try to outstubborn a cat." -- Heinlein
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." -- Heinlein
"No man is an island, but I've met some peninsulas..." -- RAH
"Nothing is so simple the government can't screw it up!" -- RAH
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." -- Heinlein
"Only a fool tells the bald truth on social occasions." -- RAH
"Profesionals are predictable, amateurs are dangerous.!" -- RAH
"Rub her feet." -- Heinlein
"Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny." -- Heinlein
"Sex should be friendly." -- Heinlein
"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise." -- Heinlein
"Some people talk better when they breathe vacuum." -- Heinlein
"Stupidity, if left untreated, is self-correcting." -- Heinlein
"Stupidity is generally it's own punishment." -- Heinlein
"Stupidity is the only universal capital crime." -- Heinlein
"The best applause is money." -- Heinlein
"The greatest productive force is human selfishness" -- Heinlein
"The Laws of Nature have no pity." -- Heinlein
"The more impediments to legislation, the better." -- Heinlein
"The power to tax, once conceded, has no limits." -- Heinlein
"There is no such thing as "just a cat"." -- Heinlein
"Those who ignore history have no future." -- Heinlein
"Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmillls." -- RAH
"Valentine Michael Smith was as real as taxes." -- Heinlein
"Virginity is not hereditary..." -- Heinlein
"Wait... Sex isn't "merely" anything." -- Heinlein
"When the fox gnaws, smile!" -- Heinlein
"Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again."
"You can have peace or you can have freedom." -- Heinlein
"Your right to punch me ends just short of my nose!" -- Heinlein
Choking on *another* Xanth novel? Apply the Heinlein Maneuver!
Ever notice how many taglines originated from Robert Heinlein?
Happy birthday, Lazarus Long. Many happy returns.
Heinlein's alive and still writing in a parallel time line.
Lazarus Long: The greatest lover of all time!
Robert Anson Heinlein, RIP. Your name is remembered.
Which came first, Lazarus Long or...
Sex should be friendly. -- Heinlein
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise. - Heinlein
. Robert A. Heinlein memorial taglein.
A cat is only domestic so far as suits its own needs. - Heinlein
A competent and reliable dishwasher never starves. Heinlein
A government supported artist is an incompetent whore. - Heinlein
Admiral Heinlein doesn't let the Soviets build spacecraft.
Admiral Heinlein doesn't let the @LN@'s build spacecraft.
All cats are *not* grey at night. Endless variety... - Heinlein
All's fair in love and war. What a contemptible lie! - Heinlein
Always cut the cards. -- Heinlein
An armed society is a polite society. - Robert A. Heinlein
Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, - Heinlein
Choking on ANOTHER Xanth novel??? Apply the HEINLEIN MANEUVER!!!
Choking on Science Fiction? Apply the Heinlein Maneuver.
Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions - Heinlein
Courage is the complement of fear. - Heinlein
Everything in excess! Moderation is for monks! -- Heinlein
Experts tell you what can't be done and why. - Heinlein
Good research is *always* profitable. -- Heinlein
Have spacesuit, will travel. - Heinlein
Heinleins' and Nivens' and Brins', Oh My!
If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people. - Heinlein
If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat. - Heinlein
In handling a stinging insect, move very slowly. - Heinlein
It is better to copulate then never. - Robert A. Heinlein
Man MUST reach for the stars, else he will wither and die -Heinlein
Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs our thinking.
-Heinlein
Most `scientists' are bottle washers and button sorters. - Heinlein
Never insult someone by accident. -- Heinlein
Profesionals are predictable, amateurs are dangerous.! - Heinlein
Reading Heinlein, Floyd listening. It don't get better!
Robert A. Heinlein memorial taglein.
Robert Anson Heinlein, RIP, your name IS remembered....
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny. -- Heinlein
Secrecy is the keystone of all tyranny. - Robert Heinlein.
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise. -- Heinlein
Sin is hurting other people unnecessarily. - Heinlein
Some people talk better when they breathe vacuum. -- Heinlein
Stupidity is the only universal capital crime. - Heinlein
Stupidity, if left untreated, is self-correcting. -- Heinlein
Take any honest work, but keep moving! - Heinlein
TANSTAAFL (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch).
The greatest productive force is human selfishness -- Heinlein
The Laws of Nature have no pity. -- Heinlein
The more impediments to legislation, the better. -- Heinlein
The power to Tax, once conceded, has NO limits. - Robert A. Heinlein
There is no appeal. The sentence is just. - Robert A. Heinlein
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmillls. - Heinlein
Valentine Michael Smith was as real as taxes. -- Heinlein
Virginity is not hereditary... -- Heinlein
Wait... Sex isn't merely anything. -- Heinlein
When the fox gnaws, smile! -- Heinlein
You're a Good Girl, Gay. - Robert A. Heinlein
Zo, tell me about your mother, Herr Heinlein.
Felton
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
A couple sandwiches short of a picnic.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
The porch light's on, but nobody's home.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
When he holds his head a certain way, you can see the sunset through his
ears.
Hmmm... Californian.
Felton
"Thou goest to women? Forget not thy whip!" -Nietzsche
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. - Groucho
Marx, 1890-1977
If we're not listening, we'd have to be pretty blind. - J-L Gassee No matter
where you go, there you are. - Buckaroo Banzai
A metaphor is like a simile.
Any errors in spelling, tact or fact are transmission errors.
A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly
cracked.
As of 1992, they'll be called European Economic Community fries.
At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if
you eat less than you can.
Benny Hill: The master of the single entendre.
I bought a portable cable tv.
I like a person who operates at a 90รธ angle to reality.
I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.
Inside this fat body there's a skinny person screaming to get out. I ate
her.
Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.
Project: To determine what makes things tick. Plan: ....to stop the ticking.
The other day I went to the stationery store, but it had moved.
Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.
I like to leave messages *before* the beep.
I liked "Slaughterhouse 5", but I can't find the first four anywhere.
This message has been brought to you by the number 5 and the letter F.
We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet.
Walt Disney is not dead. He's in suspended animation.
The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
There are some strings. They're just not attached.
"" -- Marcel Marceau
I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.
if a = b and b = c, then we've got a messed up alphabet
Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was surprised.
Maybe we were meant to fight our way through.
Mouse + mouse = mice. Spouse + spouse = spice.
My girlfriend has blue eyes,golden skin,& long,plaid hair
No more twit replies required. I got it! Thanks all!
No.. Why, have YOU ever snorted laser toner?
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Parking is such street sorrow. Herb Caen
Public Restroom-The only place a flush beats a full house
My next big break will probably be a hip.
I get exercise being a pallbearer for friends who exercised.
You're born. You grow up. You become your parents. You die.
I exercise religiously. I pray I can make it around the block.
Here's to our wives and sweethearts. May they never meet!
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Born free...taxed to death.
What the public thinks depends on what the public hears.
Bargain: something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.
Drive the way you wish your children would.
Where there's smoke, there's toast.
"Can't trim the food without cooking the tree!" -Ranma
"Bye bye, birdie!" -Kasumi
Conspiracy Theory #917806: The paranoids are out to get us ALL!
"Fascinating." -Spock figures out the Energizer Bunny.
"I don't understand what it is! Let me kill it!" -Worf
"I failed the first time, and you may NOT tell anyone."
"I never eat something I cannot identify." -Ramirez
"If there is no God, then who pops up the next Kleenex?"
"Klingons do not surrender their weapons." -Lursa
There is intelligent life on Earth, but we're just visiting.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
Meeting: an event where minutes are kept and hours are lost.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Anyone can handle a crisis, it's everyday living that kills you.
Freedom of the press is limited to those who have one.
He who would pursue revenge should first dig two graves.
If you live among the wolves, learn to howl like them.
People living in golden ages complain that everything looks yellow.
Support your local bloodhound: Get lost.
There is a time for everything. Mostly, the wrong time.
[Warning on knife]: Caution. Blade is sharp. Keep out of children.
We know what we are, but not what we may be.
When there is no danger in fighting, there is no glory in winning.
Nice shirt, is it yours?
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit the game.
He looked at me at though I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Getting tired of children? Ever heard of youthanasia?
I feel like a million tonight, but one at a time.
I would rather be pessimistic and wrong, than optimistic and wrong.
"Trying to attain vast power and world domination again? Bad dog!"
Feed the homeless to the hungry!
It's hard to be a leader these days -- you don't know if people are
following you or chasing you.
Felton
"*MWAH* Goodnight, everybody!!!" - Yakko
"*NARF*" -- Pinky
"@@@@@hhh, mabye not." - Yakko
"@@@@@hhh, wrong Echo, bub." - Yakko
"Adendum: The Warner Sister." -- Dot Warner
"Ahh, stuff it!" - Slappy
"Aliens! What will we do?" "Look for the cafeteria?" - Animaniacs
"Aliens. Go fig." -- Dot Warner
"All right, all right. We get the picture." - Yakko
"Alright, but Shamu wouldn't work under these conditions!" - Yakko
"And nighty-night Wakko's underwear!" -- Yakko Warner
"And Now it's time for the 'Lightning round'... Lum?"
"And now, please welcome my assistant... Pinky!" -- The Brain
"And remember, Yakko spelled backwards is Okkay." Yakko
"Anvilania...Anvilania..." "*That's* the National Anthem?" Animaniacs
"Anything you'd like to do?" "Yes. Go into a coma."
"Are we clear?" --Teacher "No, we're opaque." --Yakko Warner
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?" - The Brain
"Are you quacking at me? Are you quacking at me?" - Pesto
"Be afraid. Be *very* afraid." - Yakko, Wakko, and Dot
"Be kind to animals, everybody. They're reincarnated relatives." - Dot
"Bet you can't say that three times fast." - Wakko
"BEWARE!!! If you don't wear it, they'll sag!" Happousai
"Boingee, Boingee, Boingee!" -- Yakko, Wakko and Dot
"Boys! Do they get better when they get older?" -- Dot Warner
"Boys. Control yourselves!" - Dot
"Boys. Do they get better when they get older?" - Dot
"Brilliant, Brain! *NARF*" -- Pinky
"But Brain, we're not on the internet" - Pinky
"But how do you *really* feel about us?" -- Dot Warner
"But it ain't got what we got... corn!" - Runt
"But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot!"
"But you're not a man, you're a chicken, Boo" - Animaniacs
"Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings in verse!" - Animaniacs
"By the pricking of my thumb, something scary this way comes." - Dot
"C'mon, sibs..." -- Yakko Warner
"Call me Dottie and you die." -- Dot Warner
"Calling me Dotty is futile." - Dot Warner of Borg
"Can I push the button?" - Wakko
"Can we call you Dad-oo?" -- Wakko Warner
"Cats rule and dogs drool!" -- Sassy
"Ciao, America!" -- Yakko, Wakko, and Dot
"Coffee, tea, monster... coffee, tea, monster..." - Dot Warner
"Come join the Warner brothers and the Warner sister, Dot..."
"Couldn't Moe and Larry make it?" -- Yakko Warner
"Cute girl? Goshums, Yakko, I dunno what you're talking about!"Baloney
"Cute the way he tried to fly with his ears..." -- Slappy
"Darling's Sickness strikes again!"
"Darling, I love you with all my heart and soul" - Yakko
"Did you know you have peepee on your smock?" -- Yakko Warner
"Didn't I see this on a David Copperfield special?" --Yakko Warner
"Didn't we see him on Mork and Mindy?" - Animaniacs
"Do ghosts carry Magnums like he's carrying?" -Annapuma.
"Do you have anything for beginners?" - Dot
"Does Batman know you're wearing his cape so badly?" - Animaniacs
"Dogs... go fig." - Rita
"Don't look at me. He's your brother." - Yakko
"Don't mess with me, I am in a bad mood!" - Rita
"DON'T SAY IT!" --Kei, right before anyone says "Dirty Pair"
"Don't tell her she's adopted." - Yakko
"Don't tell him. He might crack." - Slappy
"Dot, I appoint you Minister of Girly Things I Don't Understand." -Yakko
"Duhh I-I gotcha!" - Ralph "Duhh ... NOT!!" - Yakko
"Dumber than advertised." -- Yakko Warner
"Egad Brain! Isn't Chris Exner a human?" - Pinky
"Egad! This is even better than a DuckTales episode, Brain!" - Pinky
"Egad! You astound me, Brain!" "That's a simple task, Pinky."
"Egad, Brain! It worked! *ZOINK*" - Pinky
"Ehhhh, stuff it." - Slappy
"Enough with the gratuitous cameos!" - Slappy
"Everybody needs a hobby." - Yakko
"Ewwww! Now I have earth cooties!" -- Yoda (in Animaniacs)
"Faboo!" - Wakko Warner
"Faboo!" ... "Almost got it fixed!" - Wakko
"Fade out already, they got the joke." - Slappy Squirrel
"For cryin' out loud, would you button yer yap?!" - Slappy
"Gee, Brain, what are we gonna do tonight?" - Pinky
"Gee, thanks! *MWAH*!!!" - Yakko
"Give us a kiss!" -- Wakko Warner
"Go away." - Wakko
"Guess what? Tomorrow, someone's having a yard sale! " - Yakko
"Hand! Hand! It rhymes!" -- Wakko Warner
"Have you met my pet?" - Dot
"He's a chicken I tell you! A giant chicken!" - Animaniacs
"Heavens, they're multiplying." - The Brain
"Hello, lady in the tree!" -- Wakko
"Hello, my name is Yakko and I'll be your king this evening..." - Yakko
"Hellooooo, Nurse!!!!" - Yakko/Wakko/Dot
"Hellooooo, Princesses of Props Nurses!" -- Yakko/Wakko
"Hm, let me think." - Pinky "Don't hurt yourself, Pinky." - Brain
"Holodeck? Is that the thing where you play games?" - Yakko
"Honestly, Dot... I was just looking at your hairbow!"
"How about a tip?" - Yakko "Don't eat lead." - Flaxseed
"How DOOOOOO you do.... that thing with your lip?" - Yakko
"I am not devoid of humor." - Brain
"I am the very model of a cartoon individual!" -- Yakko Warner
"I believe my plan has a fatal flaw." - Brain
"I can't help it if I'm cute!" - Dot
"I don't write 'em, I just say 'em" - Yakko
"I dunno, I might let him live. We'll see." -- Slappy Squirrel
"I get this all the time." - Dot
"I get this from guys all the time." - Dot
"I grow weary." - King "We grow azaleas!" - Dot/Wakko/Yakko
"I have no idea what that meant." -- Dot Warner
"I just love cheap romance horror thriller novels!" - Dot
"I kissed chicken lips!" - Actress
"I knew that." - Dr. Scratchansniff
"I like him." "Pinky? But he's . . . He's barely verbal."--Brain
"I love cheap romance horror thriller novels." -- Dot Warner
"I never get to get it." - Wakko Warner
"I said go away! I am missing Bay Watch." -- Wally Llama
"I think so, Brain, but culottes have a tendency to ride up so." - Pinky
"I think so, Brain, but isn't Regis Philbin already married?" - Pinky
"I think so, Brain, but this time you wear the tutu." - Pinky
"I think that I'm dizzy, and I rather like it." - Pinky
"I think the cartoon just started" - Yakko
"I think we just met today's special friend." - Yakko Warner
"I want to go home." - Dr. Scratchansniff
"I'd say puberty was extremely kind to you" - Brain
"I'll give you an involuntary reflex." - Pesto
"I'll wear my yellow bunny undies!!!!!" - C-Ko
"I'm contemplating your afterlife, Pinky." - The Brain
"I'm dizzy and I rather like it." - Pinky
"I'm Don Pepperoni, the God Father" -GF "Can we call you dad-do?" - Dot
"I'm going into a coma. Uh-oh, too late. I'm in a coma." - Slappy
"I'm going to hurt my brother badly." - Dot
"I'm in considerable pain." - The Brain
"I'm not a bowl of instant noodles you know!" Ranma yelled to Shampoo
"I'm stupified as to what has happened here!" - God Father
"If I could reach you, I would hurt you, Pinky" - The Brain
"If my calculations are correct, and they always are..." - Brain
"In love with Nabiki: Will work for food."
"In the depths of your ignorance, what do you want?" -- The Brain
"It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob." - Brain
"It's better than a Duck Tales episode!"--Pinky
"It's hard being the strong one." - Dot
"It's time again for another Good Idea/Bad Idea"
"It's totally bogus." - Wakko
"Just a little thing I do." - Dot
"Just one little kiss? I promise I've had all my shots!" - Yakko
"Justice isn't blind... she's cross-eyed!" - Yakko Warner
"Karaoke? Sounds like a dessert." - Wakko "Or a disease." - Dot
"Lather." - Wakko "Rinse." - Dot "Repeat!" - Yakko
"Let's plunge ahead." -- Dr. Scratchensniff
"Likes coolsville, daddy-o." - Wakko
"Look at me, Brain! I'm Heidi! Yodel-eh-ee-narf!" - Pinky
"Maybe we should just write Dear Abby." -- Yakko Warner
"Mr. Sinatra, hold. Mr. Redford, hold. Me." -- Dot Warner
"Now *that's* comedy!" -- Slappy Squirrel
"Oh Mikado Sanzenin!"-Ranma-chan. (Mikado's hoopy)
"Okay, I love you, bye bye!" -- Mindy
"One is a genius, the other insane!" - Animaniacs
"Ooh! Our new best friend!" -- Yakko Warner
"Or a disease." - Dot
"Our new friend!" -- Yakko Warner
"Our next cartoon features Slappy the Squirrel!"
"Polka-dot?" "If you insist..."
"Potty Emergency!" -- Wakko Warner
"Pull a rabbit out of your pants!" -- Wakko Warner
"Really C-ko! What kind of lunch was that?" - A-ko
"Show's over. Go away." -- Yakko Warner
"So just sit back and relax. You'll laugh till you collapse!"
"Sometimes you frighten me, Pinky." - The Brain
"Sorry... it's the chocolate talking." -- Wakko Warner
"Terrible puppy-children are after me." -- Wally Llama
"That's worse than `Sweatin' to the Oldies'!" -- Yakko Warner
"The `Poor Cat in the Rain' look. It never fails." -- Rita
"Those acting classes are really paying off!" -- Yakko Warner
"Uh, you mean these panties go for 20,000,000?" - Linna
"Uh-oh. Definitely uh-oh." -- Runt
"Wakko packs away the snacks while Bill Clinton plays the sax!"
"Was getting on the bus dressed like this really a good idea?" - Nene
"We're Animaniacs! We have pay-for-play contracts!"
"We're Animaniacs, and we're zany to the max!"
"We're zany to the max! There's baloney in our slacks!"
"1, 2... Skip a few... 99, 100!" -- Yakko Warner
@TO@: The third Warner Brother on Animaniacs.
@TO@: Head of the Spooge filled Twinky fan club.
AD Vision, anime you watch with your pants around yer ankels!
Akane 'till it hurts.
Akane 'till you drop.
Anapuma! Unipuma! Time for a flea dip!
Animany, Totally insaney, Chicken Chow Meiny, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Citizen Kaney, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Cockamamey, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Come back Shaney, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Dana Delany, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Eisenhower Mamie, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Here's the Show's namey, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, How urbaney, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Miscellaney, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Pinky and the Brainy, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Shirley MacLainey, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, The Rain in Spainy, Animaniacs!
Animany, Totally insaney, Where's Lon Chaney? Animaniacs!
Anime Excuse #001: Hit with cold water
Anime Excuse #002: Cooking with Kasumi
Anime Excuse #003: Swindled by Nabiki
Anime Excuse #004: Haggling with Nabiki
Anime Excuse #005: Photo session with Nabiki
Anime Excuse #006: Lost with Ryoga
Anime Excuse #007: Beaten up by Akane
Anime Excuse #008: Comforting Soun & Genma
Anime Excuse #009: Defeated Shampoo
Anime Excuse #010: Eating Okonomiyaki with Ukkyo
Anime Excuse #011: Happosai's loose again!
Anime Excuse #012: Cologne's meddling again
Anime Excuse #013: Affianced against my will
Anime Excuse #014: Fell in a cursed spring
Anime Excuse #015: Taking pictures with Gosunkugi
Anime Excuse #016: Deuling with Kuno
Anime Excuse #017: Kodachi's testing potions
Anime Excuse #018: Training with Ranma
Anime Excuse #019: Mari passed gas within a few miles...
Anime Excuse #020: I scratched Leona's tank.
Anime Excuse #021 :Chasing panties with Happosai
Anime Excuse #021: Asked out on date by the Puma sisters
Anime Excuse #030: Asked Ten for a light
Anime Excuse #031: Sampled Lum's cooking
Anime Excuse #032: Sampled Akane's cooking
Anime Excuse #033: Sampled Ryoko's cooking
Anime Excuse #034: Asked Ryouga for directions
Anime Excuse #035: Took Nabiki to lunch
Anime Excuse #036: Showed Azusa my new watch
Anime Excuse #037: Playing tag with Lum
Anime Excuse #038: Helping Godai study
Anime Excuse #039: Took Manami and Kurumi out for pizza
Anime Excuse #040: Drinking contest with Akemi
Anime Excuse #044: Out riding a skybike with Benten!
Anime Excuse #099: Time-slipping with Kyousuke!
Anime Excuse #100: Practicing safe-sax with Madoka!
Anime Excuse #101: Taking Shinobu to the Hop!
Anime Excuse #102: Taking Lum out for a night on the town!
Anime Excuse #103: Shoveling Oyuki's sidewalk!
Anime Excuse #104: Teaching Akane how to cook!
Anime Excuse #105: Trying out Uu-chan's New Secret Recipe!
Anime Excuse #106: Taking Skuld to ComDex.
Anime Excuse #107: Inflating balloons with Mihoshi
Anime Excuse #108: Testing the videos at Gokuraku Video
Anime Excuse #109: Flight-simulator practice with Lufy
Anime Excuse #110: Doing impersonations with Akane Kasuga
Anime Excuse #111: Waxing Alphonse with Noa
Anime Excuse #112: Mousing with Nuku-nuku
Anime Excuse #112: Mousing with Shampoo-Neko
Anime Excuse #112: Mousing with the Puma sisters
Anime Excuse #113: Sun screen testing with Urd
Anime Excuse #114: Judo practice with Yawara
Anime Excuse #141: Got Washuu-chan to show her adult form
Anime Excuse #221: Babysitting with Washuu-chan
Anime Gal Excuse #1: Chased around town by Ryo Saeba!
Anime Gal Excuse #2: Being hypnotised to shoot at favorite guy.
Anime Gal Excuse #3: Stopping anywhere to take a bubble bath.
Anime Gal Excuse #4: Taking revenge for a slight facial scratch.
Anime Gal Excuse #5: Bouncing around in slow motion!
Anime Gal Excuse #6: Being used as Iczer's naked battery!
Anime Gal Excuse #7: Fending off Ataru Moroboshi!
Anime Gal Excuse #8: Out spying on "trusted" partner
Anime Rule #091: 100 ton hammers are highly accessible.
Anime rule #104: All girls named Akane are either Lesbians or tomboys
Anime Rule #114: Grandmothers can kick your butt!
Anime tactic #04: blow smoke into their eyes.
Anime tactic #08: Speak softly and carry a big eraser.
Anime tactic #13: shout "Look! It's Carl Macek!"
Ataru's Wayward Home for the Criminally Hentai
Ataru: You don't heat shower water with lightning!!
B-Ko's my girlfriend! Wanna toy Robot!?
BELDANDY MADE ME DO IT!!!
Bite me, Miyu!
Cream Grapefruits: Firm curvy outside; Pink & Wet inside!
Danger! Anime Zone ahead! Wallet in Jeapordy!
E[...../]F This Hentai-meter is always pegged!
Everything I needed to know I learned from Hukuto no Ken.
Flush the toilet while Ranma's in the shower...
Happyness is a hot, dripping, mouthful of Shampoo in the shower!
Happyness: Shampoo dissolving in your hot tub.
Harem, Harem, HAREM! - Ataru Moroboshi UY87
Has anyone ever been gainaxed to death?
Hey Girls! Save water! Shower with P-chan!
Hey! *I* wanted to kill A-Ko! Oh well, can't have it all!
I am C-Ko of Borg. eat this food, resistance is futile.
I am Macek of Borg: Prepare to be re-dubbed...
I am Minmei of Borg. You will be annoyed.
I am Minmei of Borg: To be assimilated must be the sweetest..
I am Ranma of Borg - Add water to assimilate...
I am Ryouga of Borg. When I find you, I'll assimilate you!
I ate Akane's cooking and lived
I Just (ZAP!) love my (ZAP!) Lum-chan doll (ZZZAAAPP!!)
I saw it in a manga, but I'm pretty sure I can do it.
I want my OWN Belldandy!!! WWWAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! :(~~~~~~~
I want to be GAINAXED to death!!!
I'd rather be eating shampoo than soap!
I'm engaged to my worst nightmare! - Akane Tendo
Inflatable Lum Doll: $928.45--Batteries Included, $84 w/o
It's quite safe, it's just a cute girl with big eyes... *ZAP!*
Kei and Yuri, Dirty Angels with a Lovely Pair.
L-O-V-E-L-Y A-N-G-E-L. Anything else is fatal.
Meet my girlfriend, her name is Ranma...Why do you laugh?
My greatest ambition in life, is to grab Ryouko's tail!
My nose bleeds with passion!!
My other Ultra Combat Mecha is a Gunbuster
Never Feed an Otaku AFTER MIDNIGHT!!!
o/~ Ranma got run over by a reindeer... o/~
Oh NO! Customer Ranma fell in Pool of Drowned Ataru!!!
Oh yeah? Step out of the giant robot and say that!
Q:What do you call Lum's Horns? A:Handlebars!
Ranma and Akane went up the hill, to fetch a pail of... YEA RIGHT
Ray, giving the Dirty Pair the Wave Motion Cannon was a BAD idea.
Ryoga 'til you get lost!
Save Water, Shower with Kei & Yuri!
So much anime, so little money...
Step out of that giant robot and say that!
Talk is cheap but Ammo is Cheaper!-The Excellent Anime
Tanks -- they're a "male thing!"
To download H Anime pics, hit ALT+H now.
Tra la la BOOM de ay--I gots more AN-i-me!
We've secretly replaced the V-Gas with ordinary Helium...
What does more damage? Wave Motion Cannon or the Dirty Pair?
where can I find alt.sex.fetish.bigeyesbluehairgirls ???
Who left the Cream Lemons program running on Holodeck!?
3rd Rule of Macekering: If it's better subbed, dub it!
Felton
"Be kind to animals, everybody. They're reincarnated relatives."
"HEY DOG! Don't bite that!" ...*bang*... NO TERRIER
"I feel the animal within." - Butthead
"I'm a doctor, not an animal!" -- Frank to Margaret
"Man didn't find the animals amusing." -- Nietzsche
"Man is a dominating animal by his nature." - Hobbes
"Man is by nature a political animal." - Aristotle
"Man is, by his constitution, a religious animal." -- Burke
"Man, an animal that makes bargains." - Adam Smith
"Of all animals, the boy is most unmanageable." - Plato
"No stuffed animals on the Promenade."--Odo, WTNE
"You empty-headed animal food-trough wiper!"
You've heard of party animals? I'm a party vegetable.
A cat is an animal who never cries over spilled milk.
A hungry grizzly doesn't give a care about YOUR animal rights.
A proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals.
ANIMAL RIGHTS MEANS OPEN SEASON ON HUMANS!
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
And why *DID* cats decide to become domestic animals?
Animals are more than food. They're also leather and fur.
Cat - (n) An Unprogrammable Animal.
Coming soon from Microsoft Foods: Animal Hackers FORFEIT: What most animals
stand on.
Human (n): Useful domestic animal popular with cats
Human: The only animal who can be skinned more than once.
It's raining! .SQZ the animals into the .ARC!
My animal guide is The Cookie Monster.
No animals were harmed in the posting of this message.
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on Earth.
Rainforest: a scarcity of animals and a plethora of tourists.
Reading taglines has been shown to cause cancer in lab animals.
Rock and Roll sheep listen to Pink Floyd's "Animals"....
SPAM: Scientifically-Produced Animal Matter
Save Laboratory Animals. Use Lawyers instead.
State Wildlife Protection Area - party animals live here.
Support animal literacy!
Supper(n):dead animals & some stuff from the ground.
THe eVil bUnnY liT all tHe othEr aNimaLs oN fiRe.
The male is a domestic animal that can be trained to do most things.
Tested on small, cute, furry animals with big, sad eyes.
The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll
This is "Be kind to Animals" week. Take your boss' wife out to dinner.
Valorus: Large animal vit tusks; lives in vater.
We're two different animals, we live jungles apart.
Why experiment on animals when there are so many Windows users around?
zoo: A place where animals study the habits of humans.
Felton
... By the way, what does "BTW" mean?
By the way, did you know what BTW means?
On the other hand, what does "OTOH" mean?
For what it's worth, what does "FWIW" mean?
In my humble opinion, IMHO should be taken at face value!
If I remember correctly, IIRC hasn't been mentioned!
Read The Fantastic Manual and I'm sure you'll find RTFM
I'd just like to request for comment on what "RFC" means...
ROTFL I was Rolling On The Floor Laughing when someone told me what ROTFL
meant
If you can wait a moment, I'll explain RSN to you Real Soon Now.
You know you've been reading rec.humor too long when you know what
YKYBRRHTLW means.
I'll explain HTH, and I Hope That Helps.
Before you can say BRB, I'll Be Right Back.
I was too busy typing AFK to go Away From Keyboard.
If you enter a Multiple User Domain, you'll be in deep MUD.
Felton
"Only the insane take themselves seriously." -- Beerbohm
"The world is crazier than we think." -- MacNeice
"Y'all are a pretty crazy bunch of people, like myself" -- John
All things considered, insanity is the only alternative.
A poor crazy person: insane. A rich crazy person: eccentric.
Being crazy isn't bad when you consider the alternatives.
Craziness has nothing to do with reality.
Crazy as all get out.
Crazy as a loon.
DON'T TOUCH MY HAT! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH MY HAT!
Dreaming permits us to go insane every night.
Fun is taking you to the edge of insanity, then pushing.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
How can I prove I'm not crazy to people who are?
I don't suffer from insanity... I revel in it!
I do what I have to do to remain insane!
I have erased the thin line between genius and insanity.
I'll drive you crazy, but you're paying for gas...
I may flirt with insanity, but I have no plans to consummate!
I'm crazy about big words. That's called psychosemantic.
I'm in here for being crazy, not stupid.
I'm nOT CRAzy! i'M juSt a litTLE LiGHt HEADeD.
I'm gettin' out of here. The doctors and nurses are all crazy.
Insane? You're on the right track.
Insanity is a lot of loose change.
Insanity is inherited. You get it from your kids.
Insanity is like having your own movie theatre in your head.
Insanity is often a clear mind overtaxed.
Insanity runs in my family. In fact, it practically gallops.
I reserve the right to go insane when necessary.
I went insane trying to take a close-up picture of the horizon.
I've gone crazy. My kids drove me there.
Just sit back and join me in a delightfully insane state of mind.
Normally you eat something illegal to be that crazy.
Real fun is bungie jumping off the edge of insanity!
Remain insane, it's mainly in your brain.
Stop that insane laughing!
The more things change, the more they stay insane.
The shadow of reason lurks in the mind of the insane.
Usually insane; in lucid moments merely stupid.
You are not *completely* insane.
You're all insane and trying to steal my magic bag...
Felton
Stupidity is *NOT* a handicap, park ELSEWHERE!
Yeah, but what's the speed of DARK?
<whips out halo> Honest! Would *I* lie to you???
I have a collect call from reality, will you accept the--<click>
Guns don't kill people. I do.
(1) Open Mouth (2) Insert Foot (3) Repeat as needed...
Be reasonable--do it my way!
Okay, I pulled the pin. Now what? Wait! Where are you going?
Dobre utka. (Russian: Have a nice duck.)
C'mon, where's your sense of adventure?
Correct me if I'm wrong, everybody else does.
Did you really expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Just give me the coffee, and no one will get hurt.
Stop the world! I want to get off!
I know when I'm out of my league. I just don't care.
Welcome to 7734. I'm your case worker.
I do whatever my Rice Crispies tell me to do.
Broke all the commandments, still bored.
Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.
Do what you want with the girl, but let me go!
Life is a dashing, bold adventure. Pass the pepper.
I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on the last one.
Will fight evil for food.
Everything's back to normal. Damn.
!enif tsuj si gnihtyrevE
I never get to do anything fun.
Hurry, your first impression is almost up!
Another victory for Truth, Justice, and Automatic Weapons.
Someone who can only spell a word one way lacks imagination.
Madness takes its toll. Exact change, please.
I have a grip on reality--just not this particular one.
Well, nobody FORCED you to read the message, did they?
I'll see your pout and raise you a snit.
You and me against the world? Great! When do we attack?
That which does not kill me had better run away very fast.
CLAPclapCLAPclapCLAPclapCLAPclapCLAPclapCLAPclapCLAPclapCLAPclapCLAP
But my little voice TOLD me to do it!
My life is only as complicated as you make it.
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
What? Monday again? Didn't we have that last week?
Wait. That's the FORBIDDEN dance.
Deadlines amuse me.
I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT!
Yet another tempting opportunity for suicide beckons.
Such a shame I'm not cleared to answer that.
I live in a world of my own, but you're welcome to visit.
We all have opinions. Mine are the correct ones.
Participant, Southeast Asia War Games 1949-1975 (2nd Place).
I love my attitude problem.
Don't try this at home, kids, we're trained professionals.
I got a mind like a steel trap; it's rusty and illegal in 19 states.
I'm just moving clouds today; tomorrow I'll try mountains.
Sure, when <OINK FLAP OINK FLAP>...I'll be damned!
Girl trouble? Don't those words automatically go together?
The refrigerator light DOES go out. Now let me out of here.
You're enjoying this WAY too much, @FN@!
Your proof of this, Dr. Watson?
I used to be sane, but now I'm better.
It could be worse...<BOOOM>...it's worse.
You pick a cold night to visit our planet, Earthman.
It's an ancient Klingon ritual for courage. Trust me.
Mom said I'd have days like this--but THIS MANY??
It's a JOKE, like the funny kind but different.
What, is Darth Vader YOUR father, too?
I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
I love the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
I don't just flirt with death, I'm going steady with it.
Don't ask me--I was hired for my looks.
God save us from those who want to save us from ourselves.
I think, therefore I am overqualified.
With excitement like this, who needs a laxative?
I owe my first born child to Visa.
The FACTS keep interfering with my theories.
Don't laugh at the coffee. Some day you, too, may be old and weak.
I'm not paranoid! That's a rumour spread by my enemies...
If you have to ask the question, you won't understand the answer.
Some are happy with the stars. I want the sun.
It's a secret. Shhh. Keep it to yourself. Really. Don't tell anyone.
Now may be an excellent time to become a missing person.
The time for action has past--now is the time for senseless bickering!
Bailiff! Whack @FN@'s peepee!
Reality? But there are dirty DISHES in Reality!
Smile! Cthulhu loves you!
Gotta run. My neightbours just sighted Elvis making crop circles.
I was not CREATING a disturbance, I was improving one already there.
The only time I open my mouth is to change feet.
I'm cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
I love paying taxes. It feels so good when I stop.
I'm having an out of money experience.
Whoa...I'm a lover not a fighter. Don't have red hair.
I'd whistle while I work, but all I know are happy songs.
Posted by my evil twin, Skippy.
A maternally crazed gorilla would come in handy at this very moment.
An order of chaos to go and keep the change.
I just escaped the twilight zone and fell into the ozone.
My get up and go has gotten up and gone.
What part of my brilliance do you not understand?
Sometimes I wonder why it took mom so long to snap.
If you don't get out of my dream, I'll wake up.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
You have to believe in something. I believe I'll have a beer.
There's a frood who really knows where his towel is.
Some mornings it's just not worth gnawing through the straps.
Can I go to prison for this?
Have a nice day...unless you have other plans.
Okay, I'm weird--but I'm saving up to be eccentric!
Bad spelers of teh word untie!
I take chocolate from strangers.
I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it on me.
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
Only the good die young. I'll be here forever.
I'm making this up as I go along.
I survived Catholic school!
I'm as pure as the driven slush.
Sure, drinking kills brain cells...but only the weak ones!
---@N@--<--'-<-<@
You're taking the universe out of context.
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
Does this bug you? Does this bug you? Does this bug you?
Please don't yell at me. I'm new at this.
Maybe you're correct being nervous now.
Elvis is dead and I'm not doing so great myself.
Things could only be worse in Cleveland.
Don't quote me on that.
My IQ test came back negative.
My reality check just bounced!
A good frame of mind, but no picture.
I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
The butler did it!
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
If you only knew the power of the Dark side...
Money talks...but all mine ever says is goodbye!
If God can't help you, how about Mr. Coffee?
Class, today we will learn how to quote from messages.
Cogito sumere potum alterum (I think I'll have another drink).
I believe in a God that doesn't need heavy financing.
Good for one (1) hug, redeemable from your local friend.
Six pints of bitter. And quickly, please. The world's about to end.
I feel so much better ever since I gave up hope.
Laugh now, but one day we'll rule the world!
Take my advice, I don't use it anyways.
Nothing personal, but God told me to set you on fire.
He's YOUR God, they're YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell!
Outnumbered, yes. Outmaneuvered, maybe. Outclassed, never!
Just when I hit bottom, someone hands me a shovel.
And where were YOU, @FN@ on @DD@ @DM@ 19@DY@ around @T@?
If I made myself clear, let me know and I'll start over.
Did I make myself clear? Good, now tell me what I said.
You might say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not asleep.
Age gracefully? I think not.
I came. I saw. I went back into the house.
Reality is OK. Just don't make a habit of it.
Sorry about the crayon. They won't let me have any sharp objects.
Trust me! Would I lie to you...again?
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.
I saw a light at the end of the tunnel--it was a train.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid you're just a mirage.
Repent and return those library books!
Born to be cuddled.
My psychic advisor just keeps laughing.
I don't cheat--I play by the extended rules.
There is one called @FN@ among them. He is mine.
Capt'n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
Go thou and sin more creatively next time.
If life is but a dream kindly wake me up.
I'm clinging to sanity by a thread--hand me the scissors, willya?
I used to be an atheist until I realized I was God.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
And I thought I was confused when I *didn't* know what was going on...
@FN@'s an odd name. Mind if we call you Bruce?
Don't hit me, Mr. Moderator...I'll go back on topic...I swear!
I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I'm not crazy! I've just been in a very weird mood for 18 years.
Lt. Worf, set phasers to Cajun Style.
Look upon my works, ye mighty, and giggle.
This is Dave. รHยญ$ ยณs รซ' รฎ 0ยฅ dR-G$. Any questions?
I have engaged the enemy. The wedding is this friday.
I'm the one your mother warned you about...
I need a hug.
I colour outside the borders.
You only look big because I'm on my knees.
I can handle reality in small doses.
Been there, done it, reincarnated.
Gone crazy, be back later--please leave message.
This guy's so conceited, he thinks he's as good as I am!
I completely agree with your last statement. What was it?
I'm not a complete idiot--several parts are missing.
Just bring me my coffee, and s-l-o-w-l-y back away.
I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 3%?
Quotations by @FN@ "Proof is not required" @LN@.
I have a speech impediment...my foot!
Age is just a number and mine is unlisted.
Suppress that thought!
The older I get, the better I used to be.
I don't HAVE to think, I KNOW!
I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?
Bad dog! No biscuit!!
I think that a tentative maybe might be what is possibly called for.
It's a dirty job, but somebody else has gotta do it!
There I go talking to myself again.
I know the answer, as long as you ask the right question.
I'll try anything once too often.
I'm NOT arguing with you, I'm telling you!
OK, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
And now for something completely different.
I'm not schizophrenic, I'm multi-faceted!
My last original thought died of loneliness.
Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish.
If I were really two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
All the world's a stage--I have stage fright!
Abandon the search for truth, settle for fantasy.
A life? Where can I download THAT from?
If I didn't know any better I'd be happy right now.
All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal.
Now, to stay on topic...
Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.
I hate what you say, but I'll defend to my death your right to say it.
A fool and his money...hey!! Where's my wallet?!
I'll sleep in the afterlife.
No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.
That's a great answer...what was the question again?
These opinions are mine and only mine--unless you want to claim them.
I've seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!
Don't worry, the answer's at the back of the book.
ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!...Tension breaker, had to be done.
Reality Check: [E\........F] Hmmph! Thought so...
I wanna be @N@ when *I* grow up!
I want to live forever. So far, so good.
That must be wonderful, I have no idea what it means.
Today's been one heck of a week!
Total strangers need love too, and I'm stranger than most.
I suppose you're all wondering why I've called you here...
I don't believe in miracles--I rely on them.
I let my mind wander once. It never came back!
All I ask is PROOF money won't make me happy.
I know nothing, I see nothing, I didn't wake up yet.
Didn't I see you on "America's Most Wanted"?
All the world's a stage and I want my money back.
Always willing to share my ignorance...
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Relax! Make a list of things to do that you've already done!
I made a mental note and now I can't remember where I put it!
Get your mind out of the gutter--and while you're there, get mine.
I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.
Very creative. Very imaginative. Logic...*that's* what's missing.
Every time I know the answers, they change the questions on me.
Help me! Someone must have turned reality back on.
Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'm going to take over.
All the world's a stage and I have to ad-lib the whole play.
If ignorance isn't bliss, I don't know what is!
You're not from Earth, are you?
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Conservative.
There's an answer to every problem. Sometimes it's "No".
I'm not spoiled...that's just the cologne I'm wearing!
I think football is a sport the way ducks think hunting is a sport.
I tried drowning my sorrows--then the suckers learned how to swim!
I just need enough coffee to tide me over 'till I need more.
We put the FUN in dysfunctional!
Mental health is overrated.
I'm smiling because they've finally driven me insane
I'm smiling because I've finally driven them insane.
Bad cop! No donut!
Felton
"Ah, here we go... Fireball... wonderful spell." -- Fizban
"All trust is foolish." -- Drow Proverb
"And the mage draws her two handed sword." "We're in trouble."
"And then you turn the corner," as the DM chuckles...
"As I go forward, I hold my sword high in honor of you."
"As swords part, I bid you good battle!"
"As the dew forms upon the morning rose, I bid you farewell."
"A thing here more than a week is an heirloom." -- Kender Proverb
"Axe held high, I go."
"Back in the saddle again." "Shut up, bard."
"But where does the water buffalo fit in?" -- Vladmyr Tethosh
"By the gods, I'm adventuring with a troup of dancers!
"Darkness is both friend and enemy." -- Drow Proverb
"DM's lie.": AD&D Players Golden Rule
"Do as you are ordered, and live." -- Drow Proverb
"Don't worry about the bugbears; I'll talk us out of this."
"Don't worry. Nothing ever happens at first level."
"Geez... have you ever seen so many frigging Orcs? Guys? Guys?"
"Geez! I must be Lawful Good! I believe in the Rules!"
"Gimme a light!" SHIRAK! "Uhm... Bud Light."
"Gosh, I bet that dragon bite really smarts!"
"Humph! Bugger off!" -- Dwarven Proverb.
"I bet it's an illusion."
"I can give you a deal on this Gnomish Helm..." -- The Arcane
"I could always kill you and ask your corpse." -- Strahd
"I couldn't *find* any traps."
"I have a tarasque for a familiar, you know."
"I hope you don't fight like you talk!" -- Sherman Cliverbun
"I'm a *real* boy!" -- Alaeseus Starbreeze
"I've been to the Abyss. NOT a fun place." - Tasslehoff Burfoot
"I've never been at a siege before." - T. Burrfoot.
"Lolth be praised; all victory is her doing." -- Drow Proverb
"Matron Mothers know best." -- Drow Proverb
"May the seasons turn many times for you see evil again."
"May your sails be dry and blade slick with blood."
"Never swallow a Halfling." -- Half-Giant Proverb
"No road is ever old." -- Tasslehoff Burrfoot
"Not me. I thought *you* were mapping!"
"Of course I'm a wizard, son. I've got a tall pointy hat!"
"Oh, great, a chasm. Okay, who's got the rope?"
"Oh, wizardry has really very little to do with magic." -- Ingold
"Olore."
"Paladine, Father of Good, teach your servant not to fear."
"Paladins is *sooooo* stupid!" -- Many Games, Many Times.
"Push the red button, and then the blue. No wait!"
"Show me a rich roleplayer and I'll show you a thief!"
"That damn plate mail o' his didn't save him from the oil..."
"That wasn't a demi-lich you just stepped on, was it?"
"The best knife is the unseen one." -- Drow Proverb
"The foolish and unwary find waiting death." -- Drow Proverb
"The DM lies." Note inside a used Player's Handbook.
"The DM won't hit us with anything till we get to the dungeon."
"They're just kobolds."
"They're just kobolds. What are you worried about?"
"This just in... GDW apologizes for Dangerous Journeys..."
"This looks like a safe place to camp."
"Uh... why has our torch flame turn blue."
"Until the stars fall, I think of you!"
"'Ware and were, friend."
"You bash the Balrog, while I climb the tree..."
A bard with a 10 charisma. Not good.
A dagger in the back will cramp any wizard's style!
AD&D: 15 Years as a Player. 14 Years as a Dungeon Master.
AD&D players do it for the experience.
Aquatic Huge Giant Space Hamster.
A wizard, huh? I throw my drink at him.
A wizard without a sword, thank you.
B.A.D.D. news, kid. Roleplaying is dangerous!
Bards do it for audiences.
Bards do it then make into a bawdy tale.
Bards do it to music.
Bards make good cannon fodder.
Bard, smard. I want a fighter.
Beware of magicians, they manifest anger in strange ways.
*BOOM* So much for the find traps roll.
Carpe DM: Sieze the Dungeon Master.
Chain Lightning: For when you just can't stop at one.
Damn all wizards, anyways!
Damn it, Jim! I'm a doppleganger, not a doctor!
Damn it, Jim! I'm a roleplayer, not a Satanist!
DM Advice: All dice rolls are whatever you want them to be.
DM Advice: Cast Detect Magic on a TSR module and it'll explode.
DM Advice: Conan cannot safely be translated to AD&D stats.
DM Advice: Dead monsters are *always* naked and penniless.
DM Advice: Every tavern scene should end in a brawl.
DM Advice: He who buys the pizza, lives.
DM Advice: Lead figures do not taste very good.
DM Advice: Magic items should be as rare as Drow romance novels.
DM Advice: Maps on the table have a tendency to attract soda.
DM Advice: Never grab a miniature after picking your nose.
DM Advice: Never kill a character without first humiliating him.
DM Advice: Never let a monster die without doing some damage.
DM Advice: Never let the PCs get your bag of Doritos.
DM Advice: The only wands are those with 1 charge and sticks.
DM Advice: The rulebook you want is at the bottom of the stack.
DM Advice: The rules shouldn't.
DM Advice: To maintain game balance, all wizards must die young.
DM Advice: Used character sheets make good tinder.
DM Advice: You'll never find dice that are thrown in anger.
DM's don't lie, they just arrange the facts to suit them.
DM's Lie Alot. Players just Cheat.
DM's love a hero; DM's also love a good joke. Think about it.
Egg-Laying Giant Space Hamster.
Elf-Eating Giant Space Hamster.
Elves do it in the trees.
Explosive (And Messy) Giant Space Hamster.
Giant Giant Space Hamster.
Giant Space Hamsters are sexy!
Giant Space Hamsters: Better pets than Giant Space Pit Bulls!
Giant Space Hamsters: Fluffy, but with substance.
Giant Space Hamsters never get lost behind the fridge.
Giant Space Hamsters offer a veritable plethora of wonders.
Giant Space Hamster spit cures male-pattern baldness.
Giant Space Hamsters: Tastes great. Less filling.
Giant Space Werehamster.
Go get the bard off the floor. We got some killing to do.
Great. Just what we need. A manic bard who can't sing.
I am a mere dabbler compared to some of the wizards in here.
I disarmed the trap.
Magically Endowed Polka-Dotted Sabre-Toothed Giant Space Hamster.
Magma Giant Space Hamster.
Miniature Giant Russian Dwarf Giant Space Hamster.
More hit points than you can possibly imagine.
*Munchkins* cast Control Cthulhu.
Never ask a bard to play the banjo.
Nightmare: A bard who plays the accordian.
Normal hamsters ar cute, but Giant Space Hamsters are cuter.
No true wizard ever breaks his word.
Play it again, bard.
Poisonous Displacer Adamantine Giant Space Hamster.
Quick! You! Make a Fright Check at -6 now!
Radioactive Giant Space Hamster.
Sex and Drugs and Rock and Role-Playing!
Slaads are schmucks.
Space Hamsters Rule! Death to Unbelievers!
The Dyslexic Bard: Master-of-all-trades, jack of none.
The Incomplete Handbook (Class to Be Named Soon).
The only good troll is a fireballed troll!
The very idea of a Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen. Mwah Hah Hah
Three thieves and a bard. What a pitiful group.
Valley Elves do it on the beach, man!
Van Richten's Guide to Rabid Beaver Zombies.
Van Richten's Guide to Van Richten.
Van Richten's Guide to Zombies with Red Hair.
Vegepygmy... And I thought bugbear was bad.
We need to get a new bard. All this one does is sing and drink.
Why be an Abjurer? Illusionists throw better parties!
With a Mage's THAC0 Vampiric Touch isn't much of a spell.
Within the earshot of the bard, everyone is annoyed.
Felton
them in a rather final manner.
(222 strong)
---------------------
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties
OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance
OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted
OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part
OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted
OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history
OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver
OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures
OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate
OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world
OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay
OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest
OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan
OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty
OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap
OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling
OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off
OLD BIKERS never die, but they're hard on tires
OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away
OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away
OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures
OLD BOOKS never die, they just go out-of-print
OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter
OLD BRAKES never die, they just grind down
OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just lose their finesse
OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just sit around on their fat aces
OLD BUDGETS never die, they are fillibustered
OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away
OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away
OLD BUSINESSES never die, they just get consolidated
OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved
OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground
OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out
OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way
OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose
OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory
OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust
OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged
OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it! -
OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire
OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over
OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six
OLD DANCERS never die, they just step away
OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged
OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties
OLD DENTISTS never die, they just lose their pull
OLD DIETERS never die, they just waist away
OLD DIVERS never die, they just extend their bottom time
OLD DIVERS never die, they just flop
OLD DIVERS never die, they just get board
OLD DIVERS never die, they just lose their spring
OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience
OLD EDITORS do it with a red pen
OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times
OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just do it until it Hz
OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact
OLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, and on, and on...
OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings
OLD ENGLISH MAJORS do it with Strunk and White
OLD ENVIRONMENTALISTS never die, they are just recycled
OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold feet
OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just go cold
OLD EXORCISTS never die, they just give up the ghost
OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed
OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away
OLD FATHERS never die, they just become grandfathers
OLD FISHERMEN never die, their rods just go limp
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way
OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zone
OLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away
OLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool
OLD FROGS never die, they just croak
OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes
OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire
OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize
OLD GHOST TOWNS never die, they become desolate
OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their balls
OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez
OLD GYMNASTS never die, they just take longer to mount
OLD HAMS never die, they just get grounded
OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips
OLD HELSINKI TOURISTS never die, they just vanish into Finn Air
OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail away
OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way
OLD HOCKEY PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal
OLD HOMEBREWERS never die, they just ferment away
OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED
OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just imagine it
OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe
OLD IMMORTALS [vampires, whatever] never die, they just...don't
OLD INTERPRETERS (for the deaf) never die, they just sign off
OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over
OLD JOKES never die, they just get retold by the young
OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed
OLD KAYAKERS never die, they just roll back over, and do it again
OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out
OLD KIDS never die, they just adulterate
OLD KIDS never die, they just grow up
OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils
OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their briefs
OLD LIBRARIANS never die, their computers have Fatal Errors
OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just check out
OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just get re-shelved
OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just lose their references
OLD LIGHT BULBS never die, they just blink out
OLD LIMBO DANCERS never die, they just go under
OLD LINGUISTS never die, they just rearrange their deep structures
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just disappear
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just float away
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just make a big production of it
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change color
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselves
OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs
OLD MATH TEACHERS never die, they just reduce to lowest terms
OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate
OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just go off on a tangent
OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just lose some functions
OLD MEDIUMS never die, they are just visiting their friends
OLD MERCENARIES never die, they find someone else to take their place
OLD MERCENARIES never die, they just go to hell to regroup
OLD METEORS never die, they just burn up
OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey
OLD MINISTERS never die -- they just go out to pastor
OLD MP's never die, they just attain peerage
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar
OLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-line
OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed
OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot
OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces
OLD PARADOXES never die, they just become enigmas
OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home
OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing
OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off
OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane
OLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attraction
OLD PLASTIC never dies, they just recycle it
OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain
OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out
OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip
OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with life
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just lose their memory
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addresses
OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse
OLD PROPANE TANKS never die, they just run out of gas
OLD PROSITUTES never die, they just fake away...
OLD PUNTERS never die, they just go horse
OLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass away
OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go to pieces
OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go under cover
OLD RADIOS never die, they just stop receiving
OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail
OLD RAIN PUDDLES never die, they just dry up
OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little "DINGHY"
OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise
OLD SALESMEN never die, they just go out of commission
OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals
OLD SCOTS never die, but they can be kilt
OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles
OLD SEAMSTRESSES never die, they just come to the point
OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision
OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away
OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around
OLD SHOES MAKERS never die, they just lose their sole
OLD SKIERS never die, but they go downhill fast
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way
OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do
OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away
OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in
OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off
OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding
OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up
OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class
OLD TELEPHONES never die, they just stop ringing
OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state -
- of maximum entropy
OLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get punctured
OLD TRASH never dies, they just bury it
OLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identities
OLD TROMBONISTS never die - they just slide away...
OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new Peterbilt
OLD TV SHOWS never die, they just get rerun on Nickelodeon
OLD TV SOAP STARS never die, they become pathetic
OLD GOAL UMPIRES never die, they just get flagged down
- umpires as in Australian Rules Football
OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive
OLD VACATIONERS never die, they just don't come back
OLD VIOLINISTS never die - they just become unstrung.
OLD VOICEMAIL SYSTEMS never die, they just stop answering
OLD WANTS never die, they become needs
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down
OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever
OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged
OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed
OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip
OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over
WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, -
- but their future is doubtful
Felton
"You fly back to school now, little Starling." -Hannibal Lector
"You will never amount to very much." -Albert Einstein's Schoolmaster
(C)1993 The Frank Fitch School of Tagline Research.
@TOFIRST@ was absent from school yesterday because she has a going over.
@TOFIRST@ will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
A school: Building with four walls and tomorrow inside.
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
"An armed high school is a polite high school." -ala Heinlein
And remember kids, DON'T try this at home, do it at school!!
Are either of you paleontologists? No, we're high school students.
Bad Advertising: Donald Trump School of Business
Bad Advertising: Grace Kelly Driving School.
Bad Advertising: Natalie Wood Swimming School.
Bad Advertising: Rodney King School of Behavior Management.
Bad Advertising: Tonya Harding School of Competition.
Bad Advertising: William Shatner's School of Acting.
Birth, school, work, death. About sums it up, I think.
Conservative: "Deficit? Cut school lunch funds!"
Copyright (C)1994 The Barry Blaes School of Tagline Research.
Dog suspended from obedience school: kid ate his homework!
Don't let school interfere with your education.
Funatic: The school mascot at a sporting event.
Graduate of Darth Vader School of Personnel Management.
"Graduate of the Uncle Fester School of Party Etiquette." -Addams
Graduate, Whatsamatta U. School of Management.
Headline: SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED.
Hey, didn't we go to different high schools?
High school sweethearts with suicide pact kill parents instead!
I attend Cedarupanz Flying School, Deadwood, MD.
I love BBSing: All the social dynamics of pre-school!
I never let school get in the way of my education.
I remember when a bus was something you rode to school.
I survived Catholic school.
In case of nuclear war, prayer in schools will be okay.
Its 3 A.M. and the kids aren't home from school yet.
Just remember, being dead is no excuse for missing school!
Kennedy School of Swimming... automobile required.
Located next door to the Natalie Wood Swimming School.
Located next to the Tonya Harding School of Competition.
MacArthur was wrong. Law school is hell!
Man claims U.S. Constitution plagiarized from High School essay.
Navy Photo School: Get 100 feet of chow line.
Please excuse @TOFIRST@ from school yesterday. He had a stomach egg.
Prayer will be in schools as long as exams are!
Shareware? Reminds me of a girl in my high school!
The Tammy Potash School of Tagline Thief--Creative Acquisition?
University: A modern school where football is taught.
URA Redneck if you drove to elementary school.
URA Redneck if you skipped school in the 8th grade to vote.
URA Redneck if your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
Washington, DC: School for MODERATORS....
What DO they teach in high schools these days?
What good grammar you got. What school you went?
Felton
Always sail over deep waters wearing plate mail.
Another Bad Idea: Bowling with a sphere of annihilation.
.......Never trust a smiling D.M........
Famous last words: "The GM won't let us die!"
Never tell a white dragon to "Freeze!".
Death is merely a chance to roll a new character.
Never trust a Kender with a +3 crowbar.
Jesus saves and takes half damage.
Slaying foul maidens and rescuing fair dragons!
You play the accordian? How good a bard can you be?
I had my car's alignment checked. It's Chaotic Evil!
GYPSY DWARF ESCAPES JAIL: Small Medium at Large...
"Hello, I'm 37-43 on the wandering monster table."
Don't forget; your weapon is made by the lowest bidder
When the DM smiles, it's too late.
Of course I'm a wizard, son; I've got a tall pointy hat!
Don't forget; your armour is made by the lowest bidder
Bad idea: Scratching your back with a vorpal sword
He's dead, Jim. Shall I fetch the necromancer?
Look upon my works, ye munchkins, and despair!
From the munchkin's Vorpal Bow came another deadly shaft.
Hey, is it okay if I play my 47th level Silver Dragon?
Experience varies directly with the adventure ruined.
Old wizards never die... they just forget how to spell.
Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation
Dwarven Thrower +3: A magical hammer which hurls dwarves
Planescape (n.): see Munchkinland
Door #1 is a Giant Rat guarding a Staff of the Magi.
Dwarven language runed my life...
Last Words: "Brak? That's a stupid name for a barbarian."
Driders and yochlol and drow, oh my!
Bugbears and goblins and orcs, oh my!
Mummies and banshees and haunts, oh my!
Reality is a crutch for those who cannot handle fantasy.
Never anger a dragon, for you go well with Brie.
Cookies by the Keebler Drow.
Famous last words: "We won't die. The DM won't let us."
In RPG's, life's a die and then you bitch.
Necromancers put the FUN back in funerals!
Fate protects fools, PCs, and ships named "Enterprise".
"Darkness is both friend and enemy." -Drow Proverb
Wish twisting: "I wish I had a new castle... <WHUMP>"
Carpe DM: Seize
Felton
"Nothing wrong with a little gloating."
"Where's that damn dragon?" - Kitty Pryde
I must admit it's a pleasure to be able to practice telekinesis openly
"Will you kindly remember you are an X-Man and not a school boy
Romeo!"
"Just wait until I lift my power visor!" - Cyclops
"What do they FEED you X-Men, anyway??"
"That's a bit like using an elephant gun to kill a housefly." - Jean
"Careful, Pietro! See how his eyes are blazing with hatred!" - Wanda
"Wolverine, where are you going?! Wolverine!" - Cyclops
"They're unconscious. Load them into the hover-craft."
"I figured the life of a Disco Queen would be exciting, but-" Dazzler
"That's my name - that's what I do. Dazzle people." - Dazzler
"Run me down, Gentlemen? Somehow, I don't think so." - Phoenix
"Guten abend. Fraulein Pryde, I assume?" - Nightcrawler
"What happened to the guards?" "Wolverine... dealt with them."
"Another costumed maniac - what's happening here?!"
"Use a telepath to ensnare a telepath - ingenious." - Phoenix
"Hear me X-Men! No longer am I the woman you knew!" - Phoenix
"I am fire! And LIFE INCARNATE! Now and forever - I AM PHOENIX!"
DARK PHOENIX: Witness the Birth of A God!
"Ach, nein - not ANOTHER aircraft destroyed!" - Nightcrawler
"Ask not for pity from DARK PHOENIX, my love. There is none in her."
"And Dark Phoenix has no friends..."
A convenient buzzward for Phoenix? "Cosmic" fits the bill nicely.
"Who?" "Would you believe, the Wicked Witch of the West?" - Phoenix
"I am ... the Black Angel, Chaos Bringer I AM POWER!!" Phoenix
"Hi." - Phoenix "H-Hi, yourself." - Cyclops
What?! Jean! You read my mind! - Another brilliant statement by
Cyclops
"To the X-Men, then! Who never die the old fashioned way!" - Storm
"And no matter how we try...none of us die forever." - Jean
"Order acknowledged, self X-Team leader, compliance forthcoming!"
"Gimme a break, Storm. THAT little gust of wind won't work." - Boomer
"It figures it would be the X-Men's fault!" - Boom-Boom
"Thank you very much, Mr. Smart-guy Know-it-all Wolverine!" - Jubilee
"The focused totality of my telepathic powers." - Psylocke.
Frequently.
"How many times do I have to repeat myself?" "Only 'til it's true."
"What is it with this total macho junk?!" - Jubilee to Wolverine
"I want you both to open your minds to Psylocke." "Uh, Do we have to?"
"No need to bother the Bouncing Berserker about that, my dear." -Hodge
"..With her big bad gun -but then, that's Traditional for you
X-Women."
Whadda you think you New Mutants have the patent on stupidity?
-Jubilee
"As Jubilee would no doubt say: Eat your heart out Bruce
Willis!"-Betsy
"Voila Mes Braves! Beat THAT Stormy!" - Gambit
"Put a sock in it,Ric. It's my power,so I get to make the speech!" Jub
"Fraternal love! How sickeningly human!" - Hodge
"They refuse to acknowledge I exist!"-Longshot "They're manikins"-Lady
"Hey! You owe MONEY!" - Saleslady "Owe him what?" - Longshot
"Plenty of room for you, Hotshot." -Rita "Longshot. My names
Longshot."
"Movie Stars?! You poor guys! What an awful job!" - Longshot
"Everyone's so UGLY. The only face I can look at is my own." - Mojo
"Spiral! Stop acting so grim and begin the Dance!" - Mojo
"Spiral! Do I own this dimension?" "Yes, yes, you own all you look
at."
"Look upon my first kingdom!" - Mojo "I'm not impressed." - Spiral
"I love it when you're nasty, Spiral. Keep it up." - Mojo
"They wish only to please me!" "Sure, once you spiked the air..."
"Stop spoiling my fun you Sick Chick!" - Mojo to Spiral
"How'd I hook up with you anyway?" - Mojo to Spiral
"I own that sun don't I?" - Mojo "Sure, Mojo." - Spiral
"Watch your tone with me,for you dance with death -and worse" Phoenix
"Have you come to fight?I hope so" "I came to talk" "I won't listen"
Felton
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him
a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Lecture on the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: I can tell you the time or
the place, but not both. (Bob Thaves, Frank and Ernest)
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
Hello, coming to you live from a finite point in the space-time continuum.
This sentence has cabbage six words.
Duct tape is like the Force: it has a dark side and a light side, and it
holds the universe together.
(A)bort, (F)ail, (T)oss computer across room?
Top Secret Message: please read, print, and eat.
It's as easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288...
Mud thrown is ground lost.
Kermit the Frog does Spy work: "Pond, James Pond."
"I have perfect 20-20-20-20 vision." -Kolak of Twilo
Columbus had a fourth ship. It sailed over the edge.
Extra credit: Define the Universe. Give three examples.
Take care. Have fun. Bring your own banjo.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
MilliHelen: the amount of beauty needed to launch 1 ship.
Two things I hate: people that can't count
Felton
How to Boil Water in 500 Easy Steps, by Chuck Forsberg
Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
Old age ceases to be a virtue when it only adds stubbornness to stupidity.
Remember, you're unique, just like everybody else.
A jest that gives pain is no jest. -Cervantes
Take my advice, I'm not using it.
Always forgive your enemies. They hate that.
What are you doing? The message is over, go away.
Shhh...be vewwy, vewwy quiet. I'm hunting TAGLINES
Women do come with instructions. Ask them.
A man is only as good as what he loves.
A man's real worth is determined by what he does when he has nothing to do.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Mud thrown is ground lost.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Via ovicipitum dura est...The way of the egghead is hard. (Adlai Stevenson)
The best things in life are free, but the expensive ones are still worth a
look.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Elevator out of order. Please use the one across the street.
Metaphors be with you.
Let's try it again, this time without the "Oops".
It's no use arguing, I've made up your mind.
Carpe dentum: seize the teeth!
Stop the movie! Explosions don't go boom in a vacuum!
Bring us a shrubbery.
Now bring us a picket fence.
Don't lose your temper. Nobody else wants it.
No sense being pessimistic - it wouldn't work anyway.
When one does not know what to say, it is a time to keep silent.
Off to see the Lizard? Follow the Yellow Brick Toad!
It's as easy as Alpha, Beta, Gamma.
It behooves us to avoid archaisms.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
And never start a sentence with a conjunction.
Be sure to cross every "I" and dot every "T"; we're nothing if not thorough.
It is bad manners to break your bread and roll in your soup.
Jumping to conclusions is dangerous exercise.
Friends are like Jello. There's always room for more.
Don't worry. I'm fluent in Weirdo.
Take care. Have fun. Bring your own banjo.
Felton
how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out
of a dill pickle?"
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?
If flies didn't have wings, would they be walks?
Have you seen my mind? It wandered again.
Hot water heater? Hot water needs heating?
I inherited curiosity from my cat. Why do you ask?
Did you ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Have a nice day? No thanks, I have other plans.
I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I'd love to, but I have to regrout my bathroom tile.
I'd love to, but I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
Famous last words: "What do you think *this* does?"
The answer seems to be, "A Suffusion of Yellow."
How *do* you know when you run out of invisible ink?
How *do* they get Teflon to stick to the pan?
Do I know how to copy disks? Sure! Where's your Xerox machine?
Conclusive studies have shown there are no answers.
Extra credit: Define the Universe. Give three examples.
Hark! What rock through yonder window breaks?
Hark! What voice that yonder window breaks?
This is my brain..This is...WAIT! WHERE'S MY BRAIN???
Felton
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -Bill Gates, 1981
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!
Keyboard not found. Think "F1" to continue.
Unable to locate coffee. Operator halted.
The trouble with computers is that they do what you tell them, not what you
want.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Air-conditioned environment: do not open Windows.
Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.
Programmer: a device for converting coffee into programs.
(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened?
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N)
Press CTRL+ALT+DEL now for IQ test.
Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
Dinner not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)izza?
Point not found: (A)bort, (R)eread, (I)gnore?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with a blunt object?
(A)bort, (F)ail, (T)oss computer across room?
I've looked all over, and I can't find the ANY key...
Hit any key to continue. *SMASH* Oops.
Computer, I am coming for you. I am going to unsolder you synapse by
synapse...
Allwight, rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?
Daddy, what does this red button do?/%}NO CARRIER
What does "Hard Disk Destroyed" mean?
Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch!
This computer is user-unfriendly.
What do you mean, you don't staple diskette labels on?
Hard Disk Park? Is that a Disneyland attraction?
It works better if you plug it in and THEN turn it on...
Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.
File not found. I'll load something *I* think is interesting.
RAM DISK is NOT an installation procedure.
Apple: copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
Man, that lightning looks}%/?NO CARRIER
Felton
What we need is a nail raeder wiht a spolling chekcer.
Spill chequers dew know work write.
I can spell - I just can't type worth a hoot.
I must stop here - my fingers are hoarse.
This message guarded by an attack llama.
Top Secret Message: please read, print, and eat.
Tagline - an excuse to forget your message.
Felton
To boldly go where no sane person has any business.
My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship.
Stress: doing a tight 180 degree turn at Warp 9.5.
Has anyone seen my starship?
Set phaser to "Spank."
Set phasers to "Extreme Itching."
Dances With Tribbles: stomp SQUEAK stomp SQUEAK
Sir, Romulan Warbird decloA%}/?:NO CARRIER
"Ensign Pillsbury? He's BREAD, Jim."
Cap'n! The spellchecker canna take this abuse!
Mr. Worf, fire at Will. Hey, where'd Riker go?
Security to bridge! Commander Data is being formatted!
All right - who's been cooking hot dogs in the Warp Drive?
(Ice rocks hitting hull) "Captain, we are being hailed."
A far time ago in a galaxy long, long away....
Eddies in the space-time continuum.
* <-Tribble. o <-Jean-Luc Tribble.
Static Kling: is that a Klingon moon?
Security, please escort my other personality to the brig.
Felton
"Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will."
The do-it-yourself Borg kit. Some assimilation required.
McBorg: over 50 billion assimilated.
Borg-er King: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
I am Beeblebrox of Borg. Resistance is - WHOA! BABES!
I am Bubba of Borg. Y'all fixin' to be assimilated.
Borg? Where? I don't see any/%?}NO CARRIER
I am Troi of Borg. Your chocolate will be assimilated.
I am Nurse of Borg. Shall we be assimilated today?
I am Victor of Borge. Prepare to be assimil-nined.
Borg bumper sticker: "Don't like our driving? Call 1-800-IRRELEVANT.
BorgCola: choice of the Next Generation.
Felton
nuts.
Two wrongs don't make a right...but two Wrights made an airplane!
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed
down.
Lecture on the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: I can tell you the time or
the place, but not both. (Bob Thaves, Frank and Ernest)
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal.
with ketchup.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't
looking good either.
My opinions have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.
Two things I hate: people that can't count.
I think, therefore I am...dangerous.
In the interest of replacing the fun here, may I just say: purple furry
wombat.
Be it ever so crumbled, there's no place like Rome.
Kermit the Frog does construction: "Rivet, Rivet."
Kermit the Frog does Spy work: "Pond, James Pond."
The madcap heiress: millions of dollars, and no sense.
I'll take a rain check, if it won't bounce.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
Life is one silly thing after another. Love is two silly things after each
other.
Money isn't everything. I have money and I have everything, and they're not
the same thing.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Via ovicipitum dura est...The way of the egghead is hard. (Adlai Stevenson)
Duct tape is like the Force: it has a dark side and a light side, and it
I'd ask you to elaborate on this, but I think I'll just let my mind boggle.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
until they speak.
Smoking is a choice. Breathing is a necessity.
A truth that's told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent.
The trouble with computers is that they do what you tell them, not what you
want.
I don't have a solution, but I really admire the problem.
Life is one silly thing after another. Love is two silly things after each
other.
Growing older, but not up.I like to leave messages *before* the beep.
OK, I'm weird. But I'm saving up to be eccentric.
If this is today, I must be where I am.
I'm not apathetic, but I really don't care.
On a clear night, you can see 1.4 X 10 19 miles.
I think therefore I'm single.
Looking for a good man who hates football and can cook.
Hey, it wasn't like the whole building burnt down.
Yes, I know all about "stressed": it's "desserts" spelled backwards.
You know I do this only to aggravate you.
There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
I think, therefore, I have a headache.
I think, therefore I am...I think.
I have a place in the universe, but I'm never in it.
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
Time for culture: gone Chopin, Bach in a Minuet.
To do is to be. To be is to do. Do be do be do.
This machine is temporarily *in* service.
Mind over matter: if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
To be or not to be - what was the question?
My job's so secret, even *I* don't know what I'm doing.
A self-addressed envelope would be addressed "Envelope".
We've missed you! We;ll aim better next time.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
I'm at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
Operator, trace this call and tell me where I am!
My ship just came in. Unfortunately, it was the Titanic.
It's as easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288...
If it works, rip it apart and find out why!
I lost a button hole today.
I think, therefore I have a headache.
Time and tide melts the snowman.
Where there's a will, there's a beneficiary.
Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh d'Etat.
I wrote it down so I wouldn't *have* to remember.
Dyslexia warns without striking.
Oh, ah.
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
Been there. Done that. Got the T-Shirt.
I'm in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it?
I want patience, and I want it NOW!
It's 10 p.m. and time for the penguin on your telly to explode.
Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department!
Unauthorized amphibians will be toad away.
Put your seatbelt on, I wanna try something.
Just my luck; the Children's Zoo doesn't want my kids.
Me? A skeptic? Can you prove it?
I knew that you knew that...
Diet Coke, shaken not stirred.
It could lead to...DANCING.
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
If it ain't broke yet, let me have a shot at it.
I'm sorry...I forgot all about the amnesia conference.
Columbus had a fourth ship...it sailed over the edge.
My St. Bernard is out back burying a Yugo.
Proud to be an undercover CIA agent!
I got the pot of gold, but all I wanted was the rainbow.
74% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Smoking- one of the leading causes of statistics
Felton
Carpe Aptenodytes! (Seize the Penguins!)
Non swinum culinare (Keep them hogs out of the kitchen)Color...it's just a
pigment of your imagination.
Deja Vous: Oh no, not YOU again.
Duct tape is like the Force: it has a dark side and a light side, and it
Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings.
Synonym: word you use when you can't spell the other one.
WYTYSYDG: What You Thought You Saw, You Didn't Get.
Alexander Bell's Theorem: When a body is immersed in water, the phone rings.
A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
Climate is what we expect. Weather is what we get.
Genius is perseverence in disguise.
MilliHelen: the amount of beauty needed to launch 1 ship.
Vegetarians eat vegetables. Beware of humanitarians.
Smoking is a choice. Breathing is a necessity.
A mistake is proof that someone tried anyhow.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright
until they speak.
2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2.
1=2 for sufficiently large values of 1.
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Nightmare - a bard who plays bagpipes and cymbals.
Vuja de - the feeling you've never been here.
Junk - stuff you throw away. Stuff - junk you keep.
Thesaurus: an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Phobophobia: (n) the fear of fear itself.
Gravity: more than just a good idea. It's the law!
A pun is the lowest form of wit, therefore it is the foundation of all wit.
A pun is 2/3 PU...
A pun is the lowest form of humor, when you don't think of it first.
Mirthgirth: weight gained at parties.
A book is a garden you carry in your pocket.
Cogito, ergo Hormel...I think, therefore I Spam.
Veni, vedi, vegi - I came, I saw, I had a salad.
If it's done, it should be called a Built.
Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni. (Beam me up, Scotty)
Felton
You, too? Thought I was the only one."
Minutus cantorum, minutus santarum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
("A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down you pants")
"All for one and one for all, and alI for one am all for it." -Remember WENN
"Get out the time-fracture wickets, Hobbes! We're gonna play
Calvinball!" -Calvin
In the immortal words of Socrates, "I drank WHAT?!"
Who sir, me sir? Yes sir, you sir. No sir, not I sir.
Every word is a gem...it's only the order they're put in that worries me.
One cook to another - "Do you have the thyme?"
Careful, we don't want to learn from this. -Calvin
Dad, do people ever spontaneously combust? -Calvin
"I have perfect 20-20-20-20 vision." -Kolak of Twilo
Oners flysis, income beesis. Onches nobis, inob kesis.
Oh, you're an actor? Which restaurant?
I'm so hungry I could almost eat health food.
He who stick head in fruit drink get punch in nose.
Hangover - the wrath of grapes.
Have I been forgetful? Sorry, I don't remember.
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
As my uncle used to say: All the world's a stage. You'll grow out of it.
I'm not joking. I never joke at breakfast-time.
Hello, coming to you live from a finite point in the space-time continuum.
Felton
a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Some people have a way with words, while others ... erm ... thingy.
Experience is a hard teacher: the test comes before the lesson.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It's full of nuts.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
"I believe the technical term is ... OOPS."
Speaking for myself, and I am unanimous in this.
Blessed is he who can laugh at himself for he shall never cease to be
amused.
Nothing of the above is my opinion, nor is it the opinion of anybody else.
Any resemblance to an actual person's opinions is purely coincidental and
not intentional.
No generalisation is true, not even this one...
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Last night I lay on my bed and stared at the stars above and wondered,
"Where did the roof go?"
Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.
3 things occur when you age. (1)memory goes. (2)ah, um...
2 most common elements: Hydrogen and Stupidity
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Tried to play my shoehorn - all I got were footnotes!
The gene pool has no lifeguard.
If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't. -Robert Benchley
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
The sun comes up too early for my liking.
Hey, facts and reality have nothing to do with this.
My reality check just bounced.
There's nothing wrong with my sense of reality; I have it thoroughly
serviced every fortnight.
I haven't lost my mind - it's backed up on tape somewhere.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
I do to have a good memory. It's just short.
Just ignore mem. I have no idea what I'm talking about.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
The best laid plans of mice and men sometimes go a little haywire.
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
It was all so different before everything changed.
Reality meter: [\.....|.......] Thought so.
Felton
physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to
the following experiments:
EXPOSURE:
Twinkie was left on a window ledge for four days, during which time an inch
and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across the
Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds -- even pigeons --
avoided this potential source of sustenance. Despite the rain and prolonged
exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When
removed ... the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked
open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam
insulation; the filling, however, retained its advertised "creaminess."
RADIATION:
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for
precisely 4 minutes -- the approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20
seconds, the oven began to emit the Twinkie's rich, characteristic aroma of
artificial butter. After 1 minute, this aroma began to resemble the acrid
smell of burning rubber. The experiment was aborted after 2 minutes, 10
seconds, when thick, foul smoke began billowing from the top of the oven ...
a second Twinkie was subjected to the same experiment ... this Twinkie
leaked molten white filling ... when cooled, this now epoxylike filling
bonded the Twinkie to its plate, defying gravity; it was removed only upon
application of a butter knife.
EXTREME FORCE:
A Twinkie was dropped from a ninth-floor window, a fall of approximately 120
feet. It landed right side up, then bounced onto its back. The expected
"splatter" effect was not observed. Indeed, the only discernible damage to
the Twinkie was a narrow fissure on its underside... otherwise, the Twinkie
remained structurally intact.
EXTREME COLD:
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional freezer for 24 hours. Upon removal,
the Twinkie was not found to be frozen solid, but its physical properties
had noticeably "slowed" .. the filling was found to be the approximate
consistency of acrylic paint, while exhibiting the mercurylike property of
not adhering to practically any surface. It was noticed that the Twinkie had
generously absorbed freezer odors.
EXTREME HEAT:
A Twinkie was exposed to a gas flame for 2 minutes. While the Twinkie smoked
and blackened and the filling in one of its "cream holes" boiled, the
Twinkie did not catch fire. It did, however, produce the same "burning
rubber" aroma noticed during the irradiation experiment.
IMMERSION:
A Twinkie was dropped into a large beaker filled with tap water. The Twinkie
floated momentarily, began to list and sink; viscous yellow tendrils ran off
its lower half, possibly consisting of a water-soluble artificial coloring.
After 2 hours, the Twinkie had bloated substantially. Its coloring was now a
very pale tan -- in contrast to the yellow, urine-like water that surrounded
it. The Twinkie bobbed when touched, and had a gelatinous texture. After 72
hours, the Twinkie was found to have bloated to roughly 200 percent of its
original size; the water had turned opaque, and a small, fan-shaped spray of
filling had leaked from one of the "cream holes." Unfortunately, efforts to
remove the Twinkie for further analysis were abandoned when, under light
pressure the Twinkie disintegrated into an amorphous cloud of debris. A
distinctly sour odor was noted.
SUMMARY OF RESULTS
The Twinkie's survival of a 120-foot drop, along with some of the unusual
phenomena associated with the "creamy filling" and artificial coloring,
should give pause to those observers who would unequivocally categorize the
Twinkie as "food." Further clinical inquiry is required before any definite
conclusions can be drawn.
*****Remember, everyone, you must wear your safety goggles. Twinkies are
indestructible, but you aren't.
Felton
-Shelley, "Ode to the West Wind"
"Twenty-five years. That's a lot of water under the whatchamacallit."
-My Fair Lady
"One sheds one's sicknesses in books - repeats and presents again one's
emotions, to be master of them."
-D.H. Lawrence, letter of 26 Oct. 1913
"Outside of a dog, books are man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too
dark to read."
-Groucho Marx
"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."
-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
"The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether
you are happy or not. The cure for it is occupation."
-George Bernard Shaw, Parents and Children, "Children's Happiness" (1914)
"Ah tell me not that memory
Sheds gladness o'er the past;
What is recalled by faded flowers
Save that they did not last?"
-Letitia E. Landon, Despondency
"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong
And I am Marie of Roumania."
-Dorothy Parker, "Comment"
"The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a
green thing which stands in the way....As a man is, so he sees."
-William Blake
"Patience is bitter, but its fruit sweet."
-Rousseau
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to
play and to look up at the stars."
-Henry van Dyke
"If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon
the heart. The spirit should not grow old."
-James A. Garfield
"Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure that there is one
rascal less in the world."
-Carlyle
"Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni (Beam me up Scotty)"
"Dum spiro, spero (While I breathe, I hope)"
"Nature gives to every time some beauties of its own."
- Charles Dickens
"To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming."
-18th century English proverb
"Every formula which expresses a law of nature is a hymn of praise to God."
-Maria Mitchell, astronomer
"It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as
an airport' appear."
-Douglas Adams, Long, Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
"Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so."
-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"Life is one silly thing after another. Love is two silly things after each
other."
-unknown
"The best things in life are free, but the expensive ones are still worth a
look."
-John M. Ford, How Much for Just the Planet?
"Creativity: the power to connect the seemingly unconnected."
-William Plomer
"Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have
their bright ideas closer together."
-Georg Lichtenberg
"Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong."
-Leo Buscaglia
"Actions, not words, are the true criteria of the attachment of friends."
-George Washington
"Instead of a gem, or even a flower, cast the gift of a lovely thought into
the heart of a friend."
-George MacDonald
"Begin the day with friendliness; keep friendly all day long; keep in your
soul a friendly thought, your heart a friendly song."
-Frank B. Whitney
"If you have a friend worth loving, love him. Yes, and let him know that you
love him."
-Anonymous
"Money isn't everything. I have money and I have everything, and they're not
the same thing."
-Anonymous
"He had a certain what-is-it about him and I could see that, if not actually
disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled."
-P.G. Wodehouse, "The Code of the Woosters"
"There's life to be lived, and we choose how we live it, for however long we
have."
-Michael Chiklis, on The Commish
"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."
-Anonymous
"Some people make the world special just by being in it."
-Anonymous
"A closed mouth gathers no foot."
-Anonymous
"The librarian at Columbia University received a letter last year addressed,
'Mr. L.I. Brarian. Dear Mr. Brarian.'"
-Bennett Cerf, Try and Stop Me, 1944
"Never get so busy living that you forget to make a life."
-Anonymous
"You may find that wanting is better than having. I know it is not logical.
But it is often true."
-Spock, on Star Trek
"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher
demonstrates. The great teacher inspires."
-William A. Ward
"There are obviously two educations. One should teach us how to make a
living and the other how to live."
-James Truslow Adams
"To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to
society."
-Theodore Roosevelt
"Via ovicipitum dura est." (The way of the egghead is hard.)
-Adlai Stevenson, 1954
"Earth hath no sorrows that heaven cannot heal."
-Thomas Moore
"Marriage is like an endless visit in your worst clothes."
-J.B. Priestley
"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow
without it."
-Joss Lair
"Goodbye...no, I don't like that at all. I like 'windowsill' better."
-The Glass Slipper
"Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes." (If you can read this, you're
overeducated.)
-from a T-shirt
"A hug is a perfect gift - One size fits all, and nobody minds if you
exchange it."
-Ivern Ball
"The truth always turns out to be simpler than you thought."
-Richard Feynman
"Love consists not in looking at each other but in looking together in the
same direction."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
-Tom Clancy
"I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife."
-Anonymous
"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they
go flying by."
-Douglas Adams
"Wherever you may be, it is your friends who make your world."
-Anonymous
"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain."
-William Shakespeare
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he
gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot."
-Anonymous
"Talking about music is like dancing about architecture."
-Laurie Anderson
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side and a light side, and it
holds the universe together."
-Carl Zwanzig
"It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than by
60 million for something you're not."
-Albert Brooks, in People Weekly
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars or sailed to an
uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit."
-Helen Keller
"All our souls are written in our eyes."
-Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac
"He who hesitates is not only lost, but MILES from the next exit!"
-Anonymous
"This sentence has cabbage six words."
-Douglas Hofstadter
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves
up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."
-Winston Churchill
"I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am
not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
-Robert McCloskey, State Department spokesman
"Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright
until they speak."
-Anonymous
"In the interest of replacing the fun here, may I just say: purple furry
wombat."
-Anonymous
"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across
fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they
won't laugh if you trip."
-Jonathan Carroll
"The trouble with computers is that they do what you tell them, not what you
want."
-Anonymous
"Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't."
-Robert Benchley
"A jest that gives pain is no jest."
-Cervantes
"Treat a person as he is nd he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could
be, and he will become what he should be."
-Jimmy Johnson
"A man's real worth is determined by what he does when he has nothing to
do."
-Anonymous
"There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish
to scatter joy and not pain around us."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When the sky is cloudy
I don't try painting a sun on the clouds
I blow the clouds away
Or wait for them to move on."
-Anonymous
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
-Groucho Marx
"There are well-dressed foolish ideas, just as there are well-dressed
fools."
-N. Chamont
"Tut, tut, child," said the Duchess, "Everything's got a moral if only you
can find it."
-Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, ch. 9
"Love intoxicates a man; marriage often sobers him."
-Anonymous
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothaches."
-Mae West
"All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal."
-Anonymous
"Experience is a hard teacher - the test comes before the lesson."
-Anonymous
"If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish,
he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting."
-Angler's Credo
"Teach a man to fish, he'll eat fish the rest of his life. Teach a fish to
learn, and soon the fish will all be running around in schools!"
-Anonymous
"Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on
harvesting Golden Delicious."
-Bill Meyer
"As you go through life, make this your goal: Watch the donut, not the
hole."
-Burl Ives
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change;
the realist adjusts the sails."
-Arthur Ward
"Write injuries in sand, kindness in marble."
-French proverb
"So far as I know, anything worth hearing is not usually uttered at seven
o'clock in the morning; and if it is, it will generally be repeated at a
more reasonable hour for a larger and more wakeful audience."
-Moss Hart, Act One
"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed
entirely of lost airline baggage."
-Mark Russell
"Sandwich every bit of criticism between two layers of praise."
-Mary Kay Ash
"What ice cream would be without Ben: Just a bowl of Jerry's."
-Merl Reagle, 9/14/97 crossword
"Do not be dismayed at farewells; they are necessary for us to meet again.
And meeting again, whether after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those
who are true friends."
-Richard Bach
"So I open up my pie, and four-and-twenty blackbirds fly out. If there's one
thing I can't stand, it's a funny chef."
-King, in Hey, Cinderella
"Practical prayer is harder on the soles of your shoes than on the knees of
your trousers."
-Austin O'Malley
"If a woman rebels against high-heeled shoes, she should take care to do it
in a very smart hat."
-George Bernard Shaw
"We have enough youth. How about a fountain of SMART?"
-Anonymous
"All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door."
-Anonymous
"A good pun is its own reword."
-Anonymous
"As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists."
-Joan Gussow
"The great use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it."
-William James
"A friend may be reckoned the master-piece of nature."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Wishing Well Notice! Not responsible for anything coming true with an
ironic twist."
-Bob Thaves, Frank & Ernest
"To your coffin. May it be built out of the wood of a hundred-year-old oak
tree, which I shall plant tomorrow."
-Irish saying
"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know when it will be too
late."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Study the elephant, if the opportunity presents itself. You will find it a
fascinating subject and, perhaps, a far more beautiful one than you at first
realized."
-Alexander Calder
"That which cannot satisfy the mind has no right to satisfy the heart."
-J.F. Rutherford
"If your lips would keep from slips
Five things observe with care:
To whom you speak, of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where."
-from Aesop's Foibles, 1947
"How can you expect to reach conclusions if you don't jump?"
-Patricia Routledge, in Hetty Wainthropp Investigates
"First things first, but not necessarily in that order."
-Doctor Who
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
-Theodore Roosevelt
"Few really believe. The most only believe that they believe, or even make
believe."
-John J. Spalding
"Do not train boys to learning by fear and harshness, but lead them by what
amuses them, so they may better discover the bent of their minds."
-Socrates, in Plato, The Republic, VII
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice
there is."
-Unknown
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and
looks like work."
-Thomas Alva Edison
"My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my
life there."
-Charles F. Kettering
"Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed
until it is faced."
-Unknown
Felton
later you have to start all over again."
"If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd
type a little faster."
"It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety."
"Dogmatism is puppyism come to its full growth."
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started
to dig."
"Never make forecasts, especially about the future."
"There is a very fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this
line."
"And if you give us any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours
and put a bat up your night-dress."
"I only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't
looking good either."
"Write your questions down on the back of $20 dollar bill and send them to
me."
"If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward
into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact."
"I don't pretend to have all the answers, I don't even pretend to know all
the questions.. Hey, where am I?"
"All I need just enough money to have pizza every night."
"If I look confused, it's because I'm thinking."
"I don't want yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if
it costs them their jobs."
"This is like deja-vu all over again."
"History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided."
"Love is like the measles - all the worse when it comes late in life."
"I don't want the whole world... I just want your half."
"It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown... and even fewer still to
ignore someone completely."
"Giving money and power to politicians is like giving whiskey and car keys
to teenage boy."
"Once you're over the hill... you pick up speed!"
"Galileo was wrong! The world revolves around me!!"
"I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a
foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and..."
"Don't hate yourself in the morning... sleep until noon!"
"Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the
bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and
the"whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group."
"It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the
neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it."
"Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you!"
"Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off,
and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up."
"If you can remain calm.... you just don't have all the facts."
"Eat a live toad first thing in the morning! that way, nothing worse can
happen to you the rest of the day."
"A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way,
when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your
fingernails across it until he hangs up."
"Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics
class pulls a hamstring."
"A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you
call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you
say. "That's dynamite, baby!"
"I hope life isn't just a big joke. because I don't get it!"
"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go!
Because - man, they're gone."
"We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying,
and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?"
"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly
not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off"
"All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power"
"I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it"
"I have nothing definite to apologize for; I'm just sorry about everything
in general"
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think
that I am."
"Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think, and
a docudrama with ugly actors for those who film docudramas."
"Boxing is a lot like dancing, just no music, no choreography, and the
dancers hit each other."
"Live forever, or die trying!"
"You can't have everything, where do you think you are going to put it all?"
"Life is like a shower, one wrong turn and you're in hot water."
"The other super-heroes were getting tired of Flatulence man always blaming
his mysterious side-kick Captain Invisible."
"Drawing on my fine command of language... I said nothing."
"Test your reflexes... get into a sealed bag with a rabid ferret."
"They don't dare fire me, I'm too far behind in my work."
"I haven't lost my mind - it's backed up on tape somewhere."
"I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been
from you."
"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it."
"Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code."
"Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet
engines."
"Some people can tell the time by looking at the sun, but it is hard to make
out the numbers."
"To err is human, to moo bovine."
"The sun came up again today. Mornings seem to work that way."
"I put the *fun* into dysfunctional."
"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be
changed regularly and for the same reason."
"Running Windows on a Pentium is like having a brand new Porsche but only be
able to drive backwards with the handbrake on."
"Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do."
"I think, therefore I am overqualified."
"Absolutely nothing should be concluded from these figures except that no
conclusion can be drawn from them."
"I would rather spend 10 hours reading someone else's source code than 10
minutes listening to Musak waiting for technical support which isn't."
Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends... tell me where to get
more wax!!"
"The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a
dialogue box and lets you press 'OK' first."
"I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are
someone else's fault."
"I honour my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality
at all."
"I am at one with my duality."
"Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots."
"Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilising myself with imaginary
fears."
"It doesn't matter whatever temperature a room is... it's always room
temperature."
"Truce is better than Friction."
"Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying
about the future?"
"The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not
home."
"We are Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated."
"Air is water with holes in it"
"All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
"A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of
marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant."
"All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors."
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use
language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be so,
but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We
aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners!"
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people are
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends. If they are okay, then it must be you!"
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four
people make up 75 percent of the population."
"You've got to make your hay while the sun shines, if you wait until the
cows come home you'll be crying over spilt milk."
"I always said I wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more
specific."
"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."
"Denial is not just a river in Egypt."
"Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else."
"All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door."
"No matter where you go... there you are."
"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else."
"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to
suspect 'Hungry' ..."
"Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you!"
"Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it
today you can do it again tomorrow."
"I may not be perfect but parts of me are excellent."
"I may not be funny but parts of me are humerus."
"Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls... if thou art in the bathtub, it
tolls for thee..."
"Life's a bleach, and then you dye."
"Sometimes the Road Less Travelled is less travelled for a reason."
"Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip
around the Sun."
"I had an IQ test. The results came back negative."
"Change is inevitable, except from vending machines."
"2 is not equal to 3 - not even for large values of 2."
"I don't have to take this abuse from you - I've got hundreds of people
waiting to abuse me."
"By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely
overwhelm you."
"I doubt, therefore I might be."
"To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the
same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some
things I can't remember, all rolled into one big 'thing'. This is truth, to
me."
"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us died of tuberculosis."
"Sometimes I think - The world has gone completely mad! And then I think -
Aw, who cares? And then I think - Hey, what's for dinner?"
"I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at
in the right way, did not become still more complicated."
"Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday
be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the
greatest works of genius ever created by Man."
"It's a darn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word."
"Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed."
"Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious."
"I finally got it together, but now I've forgotten where I put it."
"There's a crack in everything....that's how the light comes in"
"I have often had the impression that, to penguins, man is just another
penguin - different, less predictable, occasionally violent, but tolerable
company when he sits still and minds his own business."
From a newspaper advertisement: "Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of
children."
"Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life."
"As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I
sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a lot of honking and
yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way."
From a newspaper advertisement: "For sale: antique desk suitable for lady
with thick legs and large drawers."
"Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up
to."
"Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work."
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together."
"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."
From a newspaper advertisement: "Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or
Beef $2.25; Children $2.00."
From a newspaper advertisement: "Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated.
Come here first."
"Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself.
MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words *mank* and *ind* What
do these words mean? It's a mystery to me, and that's why so is mankind."
"Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed
down."
"I hope that after I die, people will say of me - That guy sure owed me a
lot of money."
"I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then,
Woo-hoo!, I'd have all my money back."
"To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you
walk around. That way, if anybody says - Hey, can you give me a hand? You
can say, Sorry, got these sacks."
"When everything's coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane."
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."
"If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?"
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose."
"A conservative is a liberal who has been mugged. A liberal is a
conservative who has been arrested."
"Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even
if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking
to. Then on the way out, slam the door!"
"Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes - cause by then,
he's a mile away, you've got his shoes, and you can say whatever you like
about him. "
"Don't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry."
"There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply
do as I advise."
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat."
"This is precisely the sort of thing that people who like this sort of thing
will like. "
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to
mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh,
yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very
well."
"REALITY.SYS not found. Universe halted."
"Energizer Bunny arrested... charged with battery."
"Discover your inner child... it's probably freaked out, needs to go pee or
wants to know if you're nearly there yet"
"Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes!"
"Honk if you love peace and quiet!!?"
"If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?"
"Money can't buy happiness, but it can enable you to be unhappy in comfort."
"Time flies like an arrow... Fruit flies like a banana."
"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in
practice there is."
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."
"Keep an open mind... but not so open that your brains fall out."
"Who put a stop payment on my reality check?"
"Life is like a B-grade movie. You don't want to leave in the middle of it,
but you don't want to ever see it again."
"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right"
"The problem with being punctual is that no one is ever there to appreciate
it."
"Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is."
"Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story."
"Nostalgia ain't what it used to be."
"Old musicians don't die... they just decompose."
"Capitalism is: Man exploiting man. Socialism is the other way around."
"My life has a superb cast, but I just can't figure out the plot."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it
through not dying"
"I like pigs! Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as
equals."
"It's 206 miles to Chicago, we've got a full disk of GIFs, half a meg of
hypertext, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses. Click it!!"
"Politics, def: Poli=(many), tics=(blood sucking parasites)."
"Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?"
"Time funs when you're having flies."
"I am logged in... therefore I AM."
"Hard work may have a future payoff, but laziness pays off now!"
"You can go anywhere you want to - if you look serious and carry a
clipboard."
"If it wasn't for the last minute - nothing would ever get done."
"When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by
reducing it to one simple question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle
this?""
"He who hesitates is probably smart... or maybe he is stapled to the floor?"
"I don't have a solution... but I do admire the problem."
"That was Zen, this is Tao."
"I don't have an over-active imagination... I have an under-active reality."
"DANGER, DANGER Will Robinson!" [Robot flings arms wildly] "INTEL INSIDE!"
"Veni, Vidi, Velcro." (I came, I saw, I stuck around)
"Puns are bad, but poetry is verse."
Seen on gas station sign: "Eat here, Get gas."
"These are my opinions and only my opinions, unless you share them as well,
which would make them our opinions, but I am not of the opinion that I can
express your opinion as my opinion without your prior expression of said
opinion, and then my re-utterance of that opinion would, in my opinion, be
foolish unless I were expressing agreement to your opinion, and then it
wouldn't be my opinion but your opinion to which I only agree."
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed
with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Snore, and you snore alone."
"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living
apart."
"Hickory, dickory, dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one,
the other two escape with minor injuries..."
"This is the sort of English up with which I will not put."
"Once you've opened a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a
bigger can!"
"Notice: "Due to budgetary constraints, the light at end of the tunnel is
being turned off."
"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn."
"Sometimes I jump to conclusions, but usually I just take a bus."
"I apologise for this long letter, I didn't have time to write a short one."
"I have a plan so cunning... you could pin a tail on it and call it a
weasel."
"You wouldn't know a subtle plan, if it danced naked on top of a harpsichord
singing subtle plans are here again!"
"I have an opinion so stubborn... you could pin a tail on it and call it a
donkey."
"I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."
"I could finally make ends meet, but then somebody moved the ends."
Felton
Lose not thy airspeed lest the ground rise up and smite thee!
All the world's a stage and we're not even making scale.
My problem is drinking Coke in the Pepsi generation
"Be good and you will be lonesome." - Mark Twain
Beatings will continue until morale improves.
Experiments should be reproducible: They should all fail the same way
A KGB keyboard has no escape key...
Warranty voided upon receipt of final payment.
Excuse me if I sound bitter... I taste that way too...
If you're 18 and can read this, you must be Japanese
When I was a child, I was an imaginary playmate...
Beware of Quantum Ducks! Quark! Quark!
Sects, Sects, Sects! Is that ALL you monks ever think about?
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
"Criminal Lawyer", a redundancy
PBS: Shareware TV! To register, please send a check or money order...
Classic: A book which people praise and don't read... - Mark Twain
I'll never get off this planet.
Why is the alphabet in that order -- is it because of the song???-SW
"Raise your glass to the comrades we've lost."
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative
Only the ephemeral is of lasting value.
"Duh-lorrr-iss! It's dust bunnies! They're everywhere!"
Life is a constant battle to fight off maturity.
I used to understand this stuff. Now I just fake it.
Non-serious material marked "" or ":)" for the humor impaired
and they all woke up with their _real_ noses.
Where's Peaseblossom?
"We do number some bizarre extremists among our ranks." - S. McMahon
Most of the Universe plays hard-to-get.
It's coming for me through the trees.
You and me against the world? Great! When do we attack?!?
What has 4 legs and an arm? A happy Pit Bull
The more you understand yourself, the better you appreciate others.
Sit down, you're rocking the boat!
"This must be Thursday--I never could get the hang of Thursdays." Dent
Don't play "stupid" with me. I'm better at it!
Are taglines the footnotes of Reality?
The symbol is not the same as the reality.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look *too* astonished!
When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
I'm not perky, but I want to be. --Wednesday Addams
Duct tape, not The Force, holds the universe together.
Don't put words in my mouth, unless you want your hand bitten off.
'Tis in my memory locked and you yourself shall keep the key of it.
Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1990-1951.
Does life seem worthwhile to you? HERE'S HOW TO ORDER! - FNM
and introducing the fabulous Nairobi Trio!
Annoy a psychic broadcaster: Think for your self.
Graduate of the Uncle Fester School of Party Etiquette.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
I saw it in a cartoon, but I'm pretty sure I can do it.
Puns are bad -- poetry is verse.
My Reality Check Just Bounced.
Oxymoron: Final Version
The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up!
Preserve Bacteria.. Its the only culture some people have
It's never to late to have a happy childhood!
I went insane trying to take a close-up picture of the horizon. - S.W.
***** THIS IS NOT MIND CONTROL. Think about it. *****
"Reality depends on the book I am currently reading"
Should I piddle on his foot? (Rosebud, the Bassalope)
Cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny.
All the world's a stage and most of the cast has opening night jitters
All the world's a stage: and I want better lighting and script approval
All the world's a stage and the people on it are poorly rehearsed
All the world's a stage, and .....line!.......LINE!!
All the world's a stage and I've got obstructed view seats
Unwritten Laws can not be erased
Ne'er needlessly disturb a thing at rest
Honesty is the best image
An optimist is just a pessimist who doesn't get the point
Is it necessary to have a destination, or just a destiny?
I am NOT stubborn. I am merely correct.
"But I am the Doctor. Check my hearts. "--Tom Baker as the Doctor
A philosopher is merely someone who admits his own neuroses.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
And on the other hand... there was a glove. - S. Wright
C'thulhu calls, and orders a large pizza with anchovies.
Uh-oh. This isn't good. I've seen good before, and this isn't it.
A cliche is a bright new original thought with tenure.
I don't have a life, I have an offline reader.
Grits...Cream of Wheat with an attitude!
If you can't be offensive WHY BOTHER?
"Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute."
Sing along if you know the words!
What's that beeping noise? And where's that smoke coming from?
Land Shark!
I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now!
It doesn't have to make sense. It just has to work.
I took my kids to the children's zoo...but they wouldn't take them...
Felton
Individualists of the world - UNITE!
Do you have such a thing?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
First listen to sermon, THEN eat missionary.
It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
KIDS!! Please DON'T try this at home.!
Life's Law: NOTHING ever happens until it does.
The scenery only changes for the lead dog.
We're lost but we're making good time.
We've missed you; we'll aim better next time!
When the goin' get's tough--I usually quit!
Without Time, everything would happen at once
Zo true, mein freund, but ve haff our vays.
Never let a machine know you're in a hurry
"Nobody loves me but my mother, and she may be jivin', too."
"There's no point in acting all surprised about it." the Vogons
On no account allow a Vogon to read poetry to you.
Children of the night... SHUT UP!
KARAOKE is Japanese for tone deaf.
"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows."
Spindle and mutilate, SEE if I care....
Reality crept in. I nailed it for trespassing.
All the world's a stage, and I just stepped on the trap door.
Disorder expands proportionately to the tolerance for it.
I have read and understood the above. X________________
I'll never forget you -- you're too weird.
I can handle reality in small doses.
Confuse people ... quote from the wrong message.
Build ramps, not bombs
"Doctor, are you aware that everyone is behaving strangely?"
TANSTAAFM: There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Mason
Basic Airline Flying-Keep the pointy end forward
Don't question authority, it doesn't know either.
Possessor of a mind not merely twisted, but really sprained!
Desperate times call for amazing cover stories.
Have you waxed your armadillo today?
@->--->- @->--->-- a bunch of roses tagline. Watch for thorns.
A little red button awaits...
I hate it when that happens.
What do you mean I can't do that ? I'm the only paying member here
there are _no_ absolute statements.
Is it still paranoia if they ARE all out to get me?
I've always had one foot out the door, one bag packed.
Things are seldom what they seem. Skim milk masquerades as creme.
Stare into the crystal... stare... think nice thoughts... - The Doctor
I used to be sane, but I'm feeling much better now.
If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in!
I'm still runnin' against the wind.
Ground Water. Do you mean crushed ice?
I like to skate on the other side of the ice. - S.Wright
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
"Press to test." "Release to detonate."
Butterflies are not insects. They are self-propelled flowers.
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
"In waking a tiger, use a long stick."
"If I had only known, I should have become a watchmaker." -- Einstein
Zapata - started as a mexican revolutionary, ends up as mustache !
Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. ... ALL RIGHT, NOW PANIC!
I dreamed I saw the bombers turning into butterflies.
Oh dear, I think reality's on the brink again.
One moment please; we are adjusting the Reality parameters.
Reality? But there are dirty DISHES in Reality!
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
I tried to get a life, but it was too expensive.
Humans act rationally when all options are exhausted.
Whenever they put on the straight jacket, my nose itches.
Some days it all seems so feudal -- King Arthur
If in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream & shout.
"I drank WHAT!?" - Socrates
I'm weird, but around here it's barely noticeable.
I've ceased being able to tell whether you people are kidding or not.
If you can't say anything nice, you must be at the Ice Capades.
Do not back up, severe tire damage.
Mu'ad Dib, your sandworm, 124C, is blocking the driveway.
Don't worry, I'm fluent in Weirdo.
Too late now to count the cost.
If the conniption fits, wear it. -SLR
Uninhabited planet, right. I've heard THAT one before...
I didn't create reality...I'm just trapped in it!
Line noise provided by the FBI's BBS monitoring service.
"How are we doing?" "Same as always" "That bad, huh?
Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP!
If you can't say something nice, say something surreal.
I feel like road kill on the information highway.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are... - Buckaroo Banzai
I know you think you understand what you thought I said.
No question is naive, unless it's unasked
Ah! Now I remember. I have a GOOD memory, it's just SHORT!
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality.
I tried to play my shoehorn but all I got was footnotes. - S. Wright
Politicians and diapers need changing often for similar reasons.
Altered reality is the only way to go through life.
I can fall down quicker than you could possibly hit me.
If a tree falls in the woods and kills a mime, does anyone care?
Every solution breeds new problems.
Nobody ever forgets where they buried the hatchet.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
I must hurry, for there they go and I am their leader...
OH NO! Not ANOTHER learning experience!
"Sincerity? I can fake that." - Hawkeye Pierce
I'm just here for moral support. Ignore the gun.
Don't crush that dwarf! Hand me the pliers!
I have a firm grip on reality....now I can strangle it!
Those who can, write. Those who can't, write.
"Gee, Mr. Wizard! Aren't nuclear reactors dangerous?"
"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!" -French Knight
TARDIS: When it *has* to be there before you send it!
"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"- Mr. Carlson
"Nothing is what it seems, all things are what they are."
All I want is a LITTLE more than I can spend!
Falling is harmless. The abrupt stop at the end is not.
Planes don't kill people. The ground does.
--Ceud Mille Failte--Gaelic: A hundred thousand welcomes.
OK, I'm weird ! But I'm saving up to be eccentric.
Much that is weird could happen on a world on the back of a turtle.
LAWN (n): acronym for Local Area Weed Network...
"It's not a comic book, it's a GRAPHIC NOVEL!"
Villains in black.
I'm setting my phaser on "tickle."
Oxymoron: Holy War.
You can't have everything... where would you put it?
"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things"
Support your local medical examiner: die strangely.
"I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal."-Zaphod
Look! He's protecting himself with a zesty tartar sauce.
An authority is anyone who guessed right more than once.
I took the path less travelled and got mugged.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular
We're sorry, but reality is not in service at this time.
If a mime talks about you behind your back, do your ears still burn?
Now just a second! I happen to LIKE my foot in my mouth!
"the abyss gazes also into you."
Never knock on Deaths door. Ring the bell and run! Death hates that.
It was a dark and stormy tagline.
Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
The Bill of Rights: VOID where prohibited by law.
Yeah, but what's the speed of DARK?
Dragon, a lizard with indigestion....
Any sufficiently advanced technology looks like magic.
"Don't worry, it's all part of the program." - The Mice
EARTH - Mostly Harmless --THHGTTG
Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is, anyway.
Anything demonstrated for a repairman will work perfectly.
If things get any worse, I'm going t'have t'ask you to stop helping me!
My ship came in but unfortunately it was the flying dutchmen.
Eagles fly, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines!
That was Zen; this is Tao.
Did you really expect mere proof to sway my opinion? HA!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary
Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
I tried being reasonable once. I didn't like it!
'Politically Correct' - Colloquial oxymoronic figure of speech.
Just think, in a few million years Barney will be motor oil.
Be suspicious of all native-born Esperanto speakers.
Just remember, Sometimes the dragon wins.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
My reality check came back marked "Account Closed".
Mommy Mommy, there's a strange man in my head!
"Refresh my memory: Which 'final warning' is this?"
The gene pool has no lifeguard
The mind boggles...the taste buds shudder.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I ...
Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Took the dog - Dorothy
Who? Me? I just dropped in to stir up some trouble.
Got kleptomania?? Take something for it!
HAS THIS MESSAGE REALLY COME TO AN END?
I have a mind like a steel...umm...whatchamacallit...-s.w.
Always be sincere; even if you don't mean it!
All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal.
Some days, the only good things on TV are the vase and the clock.
I know my own mind ... and it's around here somewhere!
Is numbness a feeling?
Currently awaiting aviatory porcine activity.
Never be disagreeable when you can be truly obnoxious instead.
Age and treachery can always overcome youth and skill.
Don't worry about the future, sooner or later it's the past.
I'm a Parrothead and I'm OK....
A dandelion for your thoughts *--
"Ahh!! They're dogs!! and...they're playing POKER!!
"Any of you guys heard about a monster lizard on the east coast?"-WKRP
He must have made that movie before he died. - Yogi on Steve McQueen
Life is full of little surprises. - Pandora.
A Lot of people mistake their imagination for their memory.
You, you, and you panic. Everyone else come with me.
Ever notice how poems written in pig-latin always rhyme?
Save the turtles. Don't wax your car.
Attention: Mu'ad Dib, your sandworm, 124C, is blocking the driveway.
"Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything." - Pogo
"Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying".
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
"Aw, you can see the strings." -- Crow T. Robot
If reality wants to reach me, it knows where I am.
A religion! How weird! But you shouldn't have laughed.
This is a "Tagline for the sake of a tagline" tagline.
Oh, for crying out loud.. you know I love you..
I don't think I can face another year of annual events.
Robin Hood was a terrorist
Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket?
The trouble with reality is, there's no background music.
I live in my own world... Peaceful visitors welcome.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt after the movie.
Ancient Chinese curse:"May you live in interesting times"
It said "Don't Panic" in big friendly letters. - THHGTTG
If reality wants to reach me, it knows where I am.....
Things are good here. Weird, but good....
Sleep? Isn't that some inferior replacement for caffeine?
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died. - S. Wright
Outnumbered, yes. Outmaneuvered, maybe. Outclassed, never!
Military intelligence and corporate ethics are oxymorons.
"Put knot yore trussed in spel chequers!"
So long, and thanks for all the fish. - The Dolphins
I do visit reality - although it's on a tourist visa.
America has no criminal class except her Congress. - Mark Twain
"Mrs. Peel...we're needed." - Stead
รพ Dupe, dupe, dupe, Dupe of Earl, dupe, dupe . . .
!Who! wal!ked acc!ross this ta!glin!e wit!h muddy fee!t!!
Don't worry--Cthulhu LIKES your sense of humor.
And now, more music and Les Nessman.
E-mail: When it absolutely has to get lost at the speed of light.
Are "dog biscuits" made from collie-flour?
"He's dead Jim, kick him if you don't believe me."
Can you build an Emerald City from these grains of sand...
I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me!
The trouble with not having a job is that you can't take a day off!
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he'd be pushin' up the daisies!
Death awaits you with long ears and nasty sharp teeth!
RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
And you thought space was warped....
Rainforest: a scarcity of animals a plethora of tourists.
Age 'n Treachery Overcome Youth 'n Skill
Back to reality now where exactly did I PUT it?
Of all the Thompson gunners, Roland was the best..
He found him in Mombasa, in a bar room, drinking gin.
Of COURSE I talk to myself. I LOVE intelligent conversation!
"You said WORK! Aaagh!"--Maynard G Krebbs
'You are but a memory. This is but a dream.'
Seen it. Done that. Got the souvenir hat with my name on it.
"Smoke me a kipper & I'll be back for breakfast" Ace, Red Dwarf
Save the turtles - don't wax your car.
Some mornings you just don't feel like slaying dragons.
Which of my enemies told you I was paranoid?
Moriarity Realty: When you need new Holmes.
Oxymoron: Random Order.
If you think I'm sick, you should meet the folks I get taglines from.
Brought to you by the anarcho-syndicalist commune.
I am a mental tourist. My mind wanders.
That's the problem with the gene pool: No lifeguard.
I'm getting a very special feeling inside. It'll go away when I burp.
Stop Reading Now....
This parrot would go VROOM if you put 10 million volts through it
Don't be scared; it's only dark. Soon we'll hear a meadowlark.
Today has been a long year!!!!!!!!!!
All taglines are currently busy, one will be with you shortly.
"...what squirrel...ooohhh, that squirrel."
Tip #1 : When Cthulhu calls, let the machine get it.
* Press any key to continue...NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE!!!!
Money is the root of all evil. Send $20 for more info.
Weird enough for all practical purposes.
This is no tagline, this is your imagination!
"I say we nuke the site from Orbit, it's the only way to be sure"
My other TIME/SPACE machine is a TARDIS <<=- "...and with that cryptic
comment I'm off to bed" Stop with your lies. Reality is what I say it is.
Going back to the origin is called peace... Any sufficiently advanced
technology looks like magic.
"Conjunction Junction, what's your function?"
"Lolly, Lolly, Lolly! Get your adverbs here!"
Remember, Charlie Chaplin was a mime too...
Raisins are just humiliated grapes...
I can't remember the last time I forgot something.
Of course I'm crazy. But that doesn't mean I'm WRONG!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
I got lost in thought, it was unfamiliar territory.
I think I lost my mind. Please watch where you step.
"I'll just reverse the polarity of the neutron flow." -- The Doctor
"Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Einstein
I wish I REALLY knew what I was doing.
I'm not crazy. I just have a unique sense of reality.
A cynic searchers for an honest man using a stolen lantern.
"There's no need to fear, Underdog is here!"
Middle age is when you know your way around but don't feel like going!
These special effects aren't very special.
War doesn't determine who's right, but who's left.
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
"'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on!"
"And now... Number one...The larch..."
"And now for something completely different."
"I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay..."
It's okay, the confusion is all in your mind.
Some people confuse boredom with security.
Kindly practice beautiful acts of senseless randomness!
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" -- HHGttG
"Care for a Jelly Baby?" -- The Doctor
"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!" -- Shakespeare
"There never was a good war or a bad peace." -- Franklin
Fight War, Not Wars!
An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away - If You Aim Properly!
People say I'm indecisive. Am I? I don't know.
"Don't be alarmed, Arthur Dent... Be very, very frightened."
Warning...Warning...Bookstore ahead, hide wallet...
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Boycott shampoo...demand REAL poo!!!
"Those were the days, My Friends, We thought, They'd never END"....
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
Coffee...tea...monster...coffee...tea...monster...
Why ask me? I'm just visiting reality.
Why should I have to pay a troll just to cross a bridge?
"Missed by that much." - Maxwell Smart
The invasion has been postponed. Yes! Definitely postponed!
"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.
An eye for an eye" only ends up making the whole world blind...
Baptist angels don't dance anywhere.
They told me I was gullible.. and I believed them!
I've already told you more than I know.
Explain counter-clockwise to someone with a digital watch.
An attacker must vanquish, a defender need only survive.
Hello, I'm the Doctor, and this is my companion, @FN@.
Two, ten, eleven. Eyes, fingers, toes. - Gomez Addams
We'll make him listen to whiny protest songs from the sixties!!!
"Great warrior? War does not make one great." - Yoda
Follow your heart and let your head take care of itself.
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
I wrestled with reality for 35 years and I finally won - Elwood P Dowd
Reality is a place where bad things could happen.
Reality is a much bigger concept than I thought.
I'm not rude, I'm just attitudinally challenged
You must be seeing something I didn't say. --Synners.
Fidonet: An unpaved road on the Information Superhighway.
A good frame of mind... but no picture.
Have you seen my mind? It was wandering again.
Use hope and imagination as weapons of survival and progress.
Never mind the cynical remarks, she's just high on Ny-quill.
War. What is it good for? Absolutely NOTHING! (say it again)...
"How many sides does a round building have?" -- Harlan Ellison
"Let's see what you're made of." -- #2
"I am not a number! I am a free man!" -- The Prisoner
I am not a number! I am a free man! -- Prisoner 9430
I am not a number! I am a free man! -- Prisoner 24601
"Who are the prisoners and who are the wardens?" -- #6
Be seeing you... -- #6
The wife and I laughed until the weather came on.
"Resist much. Obey little."-Walt Whitman
Pez is good.
"This voice told me to be a... golf pro..." -- Johnny Fever
"I don't do Top 40, man..." -- Johnny Fever
"La Quinta" is Spanish for "Next to Denny's"
Without love and trust all you can be in life is alone.
When subtlety fails us, we must resort to cream pies.
I'm here to question all your answers.
The answer is easier when the question is hypothetical.
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
The road to a friend's house is never difficult nor long.
How come Pizza can get to your house faster than a Police Car?
Ah yes! I remember it well!
"Did that robot say Zaphod Beblebrox?" -- Ford Prefect
"The point is I am now a perfectly safe penguin!" -- Ford Prefect
Question anything that starts "Obviously..."
The memories of your voice remain with me through the night....
Anarchists Unite!
Gone crazy, be back later, please leave message
Madness takes a toll make sure you have the exact change.
Let's win this one and go home. - George A. Custer
"Isn't everybody happy?" - Machiavelli
"That's entertainment," - Vlad the Impaler.
Chaos (n): mass confusion; disorder - see also American Government
I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud?
Double-check the redundancy generator, will you?
Famous last words: "Don't worry, it doesn't eat meat!"
All this thinking is giving me a headache...
Change is inevitable... except from a vending machine.
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
All answers questioned here.
I let my mind go wandering in search of my heart.
Friendly Fire isn't.
You pick a cold night to visit our planet, Earthman...
If you can't explain it in under 70 characters, then don't bother expl
Only injustice makes men fight for justice.
I've got places to go... People to annoy.
"I don't bite. Well, that's wrong; I do bite." - K'Ehleyr
Nine times out of ten the statisticians are wrong.
Guess it's time for Plan B, huh?
Nice landing. Next time, put the wheels down first.
"Tell me Doctor, where are we goin' this time?"
"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." - s.w.
"Budget the luxuries *first*!" -- Heinlein
"Never insult someone by accident." -- Heinlein
Of course I'm sane. The voices said so.
To remain silent when we should protest makes cowards out of men.
Of *COURSE* I'm on topic. (Which echo is this?)
"A goal is a dream taken seriously." - Henry David Thoreau
And Thom was left crying to the Butter Cow
I came, I saw, I had no idea what was going on, so I left
"It's not funny; I'm just pointing it out." -- Tom Servo
Funny, I just knew you were going to say that.
Situation Normal. Panic Accordingly.
BakerDos 4.0: (O)ffer a jelly baby; (C)onfuse 'em; (S)earch pockets
ADVENTURE: The land between entertainment and panic.
Don't Panic. Just push the Reset button.
I'm not panicking. I'm examining all options at high speed.
"Whose side are you on?" "That would be telling!"
Human Error - It's all ***YOUR*** Fault.
All that is gold does not glitter; all that wanders is not lost.
Barney is the Conspiracy's way of preparing children for Rush Limbaugh.
Entropy isn't what it used to be...
I'm not as think as you confused I am!
"If you can't hear me it's because I'm in parentheses." s.w.
"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it." - s.w.
"Whenever I think about the past it brings back so many memories"-s.w.
"It worked! Now if only I could remember what I did!" The Doctor
TomDOS 4.0- (G)rin, (O)ffer a jellybaby, (T)rip on scarf
We are NOT lost! I know EXACTLY where we are! Where are we? We're lost.
I'd rather be monkeywrenching.
If this was a real emergency, you'd've been trampled.
ERROR: in REALITY.SYS, lter Reality, un FANTASY.COM intead?
Close counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and thermonuclear war.
"Time & Tide Melts the Snowman." --The 7th Doctor.
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
Never mind about the time slip -- we're on holiday!
Garcon! Three glasses of water. Make them doubles.
Tinkering with time is always a bad idea.
I'm a professional. I *know* what I'm doing.
I just reversed the polarity flow.
I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. G. B. Shaw
Put your ear down next to the monitor and listen to what I'm saying:
Virtually everyone driving in front of you is an idiot....
Just in one of my moods. I think that helped.
Prepared by a professional, don't try this at home.
Cry "Ribbid" and loose the Frogs of War!
TomDOS 4.01: Floppy hat support added
Excuse me... Just what chicken and which road were you talking about?
Sushi: Known to the rest of the world as bait.
"Gullible" isn't in the dictionary. Go ahead, look it up!
"He has become One with Himself!" "He's passed out!" "That too."
Every vision has an equal and opposite revision.
A cat will go "quack" - if you squeeze it hard enough.
Being weird isn't enough, but it's a start.
"Well, I'll be a dirty bird." - George Gobel
"N" could be a vowel if enough people just believed in it.
Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.
A dream of a galaxy WITHOUT war.
"Somebody, ah say, somebody knocked!" - Senator Claghorn
Actually, I AM a rocket scientist and it doesn't help.
Though this be madness,yet there is method in't...Shakespeare, Hamlet
Remember that the customs of your tribe are not laws of nature.
A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
"Share and enjoy!" - Sirius Cybernetics
And yesterday the planet seemed to be going so well..
Dragons aren't extinct, they've just learned to hide real well.
Paranoia: Not an attitude but a way of life.
I'm cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Aging is not bad. The real killer is when you stop.
"Nobody goes there any more; it's too crowded." Yogi Berra
"Who wills, can. Who tries, does. Who loves, lives."
Lately it occurs to me what a long strange trip it's been.
Reality down for maintenance work, full service will resume shortly
Can't? Can't? There's no such word as can't!
Excuse me. Haven't we met somewhere before?
Now, assuming that I'm right. And I invariably am...
It's a free cosmos!
Are you the dreamer or just the dream?
It's been proven that research causes cancer in rats.
"Scream. I'll save you later." The Doctor, "No Future."
I've wasted an excellent opportunity to remain silent.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
You must know your limits to break through them.
You know he's a vampire if your pet rabbit growls at him.
I embrace poverty! To annoy me, send money.
The generation of random number is too important to be left to chance.
Hookt on fonicks werkt 4 me!
How much is that doggerel in the window?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
42! Is that all you've got to show for 7 and a 1/2 million yrs' work?
It is all the same nonsense when you work for a lunatic.
Any sufficiently advanced technology looks like magic.
"Hello in there @FN@. What color is the sky in your world?" Frasier
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.
I got a 100% on my ethics test! I cheated, of course...
Why should I add to my troubles by facing reality?
Talk to me. Make believe I'm your bartender.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
Another day, another destiny (Les Miz)
Tianamen Square is located in a Most Favored Nation..
"You were thinking of some information of some kind?" - The Mad Hatter
It's a JOKE - Like the funny kind, but only different.
Real radios glow in the dark!
"Wanna buy a duck?" - Joe Penner
c'est la guere
Prozac, cause sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
The illuminati aren't out to get you. What was your name again?
"The wheel is come full circle." -- Shakespeare
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
Prerecorded for play in this time zone.
"Always cut the cards." - Heinlein
"A motion to adjourn is always in order." - Lazarus Long
"YOU NAAAAASTY MAN!" - Joe Penner
Be consistent - but don't do it all the time.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." -Isaac Asimov
"Every hero becomes a bore at last." --Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil scientist.
"Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. - Simone Signoret
Enlightenment comes from the journey, not the destination.
If I repent anything, it is likely to be my good behavior. - Thoreau
Everyone loves a moose. They just may not know it.
Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit...
"Whatever temperature a room is, it's always room temperature." - s.w.
I should like to be able to love my country and to love justice-Camus
"In his private heart no man much respects himself" - Mark Twain
"Only the shallow know themselves" - Oscar Wilde
The equal toleration of all religions is the same as astheism -Leo XII
"Such is life" - Ned Kelly's last words upon being hanged
"Every nation has the government it deserves" - J. Marie de Maistre
"The worst enemy of the new radicals is the old liberals" - N. Lenin
"There are few things easier than to live badly & die well" -O. Wilde
"...the fog is rising" - Emily Dickinson's last words
"Integrity has no need for rules" - Albert Camus
"Only the past is immortal" - Delmore Schwartz
"The happy highway where I went & cannot come again" - A.E. Houseman
"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel" - Samuel Johnson
"Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious" - Oscar Wilde
"For us, patriotism is the same as the love of humanity" _ M. Gandhi
"There are too many people, and too few human beings" - Robert Zend
"My rackets are run on strictly American lines.." - Al Capone
"If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right" - J. Renard
"Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions" - Chesterton
I have seen gross intolerance shown in support of tolerance -Coleridge
"Nothing so immunizes the brain to evidence as ideology." - O.W.Holmes
Please, make yourself at home. Do the dishes!
"Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come."--Carl Sandburg
"When war is declared, Truth is the first casualty."--Arthur Ponsonby
"Peace is rarely denied to the peaceful."--Johann von Schiller
"The man who ain't got an enemy is really poor."--Josh Billings
"That must be wonderful; I have no idea of what it means."--Moliere
"The sublime and the ridiculous are closely related." -- Paine
"You can observe a lot by just watching" -Yogi Berra
Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.
Change your mind. Or, at least, repair it!
It gives me a headache just to think down to your level...
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." -LL
Sit down, you're rocking the boat!
Honesty is the best image
Still working on that error rate, I see.
You can't be a figment of my imagination--I'd have done a better job!
Everybody has a right to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Arguement? No, this is Abuse. You want next door.
Support mental health - or I'll KILL you
Everything's a lie, and that's a fact.
Has all we've learned been wrong?
STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere!
Eye of newt, toe of frog, and a side order of fries
I will always love the false image I had of you.
If I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.
Preserve TOLKIEN's works: Pickle a HOBBIT today!
"I've changed my mind Hobbes. People ARE scum." - Calvin.
And now, a brief pause while everyone says, "Who cares?"
Be spontaneous.......combust.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Any time, any place, our snipers can drop you. Have a nice day.
For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
"I'm heavily armed, easily bored and OFF my medication..."
Anything preying on your mind would starve to death.
If lunatics had wings, this place would be an airport!
Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.
A good traveler leaves no track. -LAO TZU
The more you understand yourself,the better you appreciate others.
"If you can't help, at least don't hurt others" Dalai Lama
The symbol is not the same as the reality.
Is it necessary to have a destination, or just a destiny?
All rising to a great place is by a winding stair.
To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.Sun Tzu
The boundary of world peace is in the heart of each human being.
Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment-LAO TZU
"Weapons do not remain stockpiled."
"There isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate compassion"
There is no self-contained existence - Whitehead
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. (Thoreau)
There is an absolute truth, but language fails miserably.
A light heart lives long.
"A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience."
There's nothing you can know that isn't known
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind
Minds, like parachutes, work only when open...
If you are not the poet, you can be the poem
Do not believe in miracles: rely on them.
Commit random acts of kindness and senseless beauty
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
Oxymoron: Holy War.
I seek not to know the answers,but to understand the questions.. Caine
In the long run men hit only what they aim at. (Thoreau)
How can you tell the dance from the dancer?
Love is the glue that holds the universe together.
Man is born unto trouble, as the sparks fly upward..Old Test., Job
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
Life is fragile, handle with prayer.
Life is but one long journey, and many moccasins.
You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
"The way that is spoken of is not the enlightened way." - Lao-Tzu
Even the finest teaching is not the Tao itself.
If you do not strive with others, you will be free from blame-Lao Tzu
The Sage fusses over nothing and thus spoils nothing.
When the mind is ready, a teacher appears. - Zen
Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences.
You can't step twice in the same river twice.
An attacker must vanquish, a defender need only survive.
What was my original face before I was born?
"Let us live without hate among those who hate." Dhammapada
Perform random acts of kindness & senseless beauty.
Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness.
"Christianity taught that love is worth more than intelligence."
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself." -- Camus
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
All reality is the construct of the observer.
Words of truth seem contradictory.
Keep your life collected in its own center
In quietness and confidence will be your strength...Isaiah
If alms were given from pity, beggars would have starved. - Nietzsche
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger. - Nietzsche
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp
Use hope and imagination as weapons of survival and progress.
You can't jump a canyon in two leaps.
Not to understand a man's purpose does not make *him* confused.-Po
Each traveler to a tyranny sees what his own ethics permit him to see.
Do not follow in the footsteps of men of old; seek what they sought.
Accept finite disappointment, never lose infinite hope.
Distance lends enchantment to the view..T.Campbell
A path without obstacles probably leads nowhere.
The things that we fear are a weapon to be used against us
To see the universe in a grain of sand..Blake
"The sublime and the ridiculous are closely related." -- Paine
Act non-action; undertake no undertaking; taste the tasteless. -LAO TZU
You cannot conquer a free man,the most you can do is kill him.
Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion.
"Conduct is three-fourths of our life." -- Arnold
Life is a tragedy in close up, but a comedy in long-shot - C. Chaplin
A man's life is dyed the color of his imagination.
Being able to say no is the root of reclaiming your life.
Am I my brother's keeper?..Old Testament, Genesis
Great compassion is the root of all forms of worship.
No cause is so right that one cannot find a fool following it.
Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment.-LAO TZU
To discover one knows nothing is the beginning of wisdom.
"I cannot give you what you deny yourself." -- Kai Opaka
Always use your enemy's hand to catch a snake.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. - Nietzsche
He who does not prevent a crime when he can, encourages it.[Seneca]
One who trusts can never be betrayed--only mistaken.
Only those who attempt the absurd achieve the impossible.
Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.
To appreciate the flower, understand the root.
Stability brought about by force is not stability at all.
Alone, I look down the road. Each must walk one's own path.<365 Tao>
We are what we pretend to be. - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
We have met the enemy, and he is us. - Walt Kelly
Felton
That man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. - Thoreau
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. -A.Camus
A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. -Howe
One murder makes a villain, millions a hero.-Bishop Beilby Porteus
Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is. - Rollo May
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. - T. Roosevelt
Everyone must row with the oars he has. Anon
The graveyards are full of indispensable men. - Charles de Gaulle
Beware the fury of a patient man. - John Dryden
A good indignation brings out all one's powers. -Emerson
It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
Everyone lives by selling something. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Not enough is said about the bad luck of the early worm.
We all have power to do harm. - Seneca the Younger
Whatever limits us we call fate. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. -A.Camus
One must care about a world one will not see. - Bertrand Russell
Government is not reason,it is not eloquence-it is force.G.W.
Great and good are seldom the same man. - Thomas Fuller
Nothing is said that has not been said before. - Terence
The cruellest lies are often told in silence. - Stevenson
If you want to be loved, be lovable. - Ovid
There are some remedies worse than the disease. - Syrus
Their very silence is a loud cry. - Cicero
Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. - Napoleon
Survival is triumph enough. - Harry Crews
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. - Wilde
Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder. - G.Washington
Words once spoken, can never be recalled. - Wentworth Dillon
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we try to comms receive.
"Be just, and fear not."- William Shakespeare
By the way, what does BTW stand for?
The answer to your qustion is FIVE TONS OF FLAX.
One may explain water, but the mouth will not become wet. -TAKUAN
Coming alone, departing alone, both are delusions.
Excuse me, but did I say that? Doesn't sound like me...
Ordinary is a setting on a washing machine.
Doubt is the origin of truth. Know thyself. - Socrates
Gov't is an association that does violence to the rest. - Tolstoy
How can you buy or sell the sky? - Chief Sealth, 1852
It is not down in any map; true places never are. - Melville
Bad or missing REALITY.SYS Load ANIMANIACS.SYS instead [Y/n]?
A cynic is an optimist that got a face full of reality.
A little too much like reality eh????
All reality is aspect dependent.
I do visit reality although it's on a tourist visa.
"I used to be a narrator for bad mimes." - s.w.
"There was never an angry man that thought his anger unjust" De Sales
My God, what have we done?-Robert Lewis, co-pilot Enola Gay, 8/6/1945
"If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Dan Quayle
Didn't I meet you in some other hallucination??
"The more you explain it, the less I understand it" -- Twain
"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." -- Twain
"We can easily endure adversity. Another man's I mean." -- Twain
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napoleon Bonaparte
My other computer is a Commodore 64.
A jest's prosperity lies in the ear that hears it. - Shakespeare
I asked you not to tell me that. -Maxwell Smart
'Let's see the instant replay on that!' - H. Cossell
'I'll worry about it tomorrow.' - S. O'Hara
Setting his death ray blaster on frappe, our hero sets off looking ...
"Vehemence is no guarantee of truth." - Isaac Asimov
Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. - Yugoslav Proverb
Live as you will have wished to have lived when you are dying.
The Illuminati do not exist. Really...We're not kidding.
"Never cut what you can untie." -- Joseph Joubert
"Charity is not substitute for justice withheld." St. Augustine
"I was up all night trying to round off infinity..." -- Wright
My animal guide is The Cookie Monster.
"Character is what you are in the dark!"
"How was I supposed to know he was from outer space?"
"Lithium is no longer available on credit." - Buckaroo Banzai
"We already *know* who your friends and family are."-AT&T
The world is full of fools, unfortunately many live to breed...
"I started at the top and worked myself down" - Orson Welles
Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it-Christopher Morley
It is better to have loved and lost, than to have hated and won
"We read to know we are not alone"
An eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind. - Mahatma Gandhi
Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story - A. Brilliant
Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind at any time-Mark Twain
The road to enlightenment is long & hard-so take snacks and a magazine
Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense.
All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.
Speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee.
"You can find the way for no one but yourself." - Bradford Shank
"Violence is the ultimate human degradation" - Ramsey Clark
Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences. -Norman Cousins
"A nation is just a society for hating foreigners." - Olaf Stapledon
"In matters of conscience, the law of majority has no place."- Ghandhi
"A man's wealth is measured by what he doesn't need." - H. D. Thoreau
"The way of the sage is to act but not to compete." - Lao-tzu
"Dreams are real while they last. Can we say more of life?" - H.Ellis
"We know too much and feel too little." - Bertrand Russell
At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.
No soul is more a soul than another.
Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood. - F. Teague, Jr.
"They sicken of the calm who know the storm." - Dorothy Parker
"The joyfulness of man prolongth his days." - Ecclesiastics II:28
To be 19 and a poet is to be 19. To be 40 and a poet is to be a poet
"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." - Shakespeare
The map is not the territory.
No snowflake falls in an inappropriate place.
A man's life, of any worth, is a continual allegory. -- Keats
In silence man can most readily preserve his integrity. - M. Eckhart
It is very hard to be simple enough to be good. - R.W. Emerson
Too humble is half proud. - Yiddish Proverb
Unicorns must be believed to be seen. (Peter S. Beagle)
A soft answer turneth away wrath. - Proverbs 15:1
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. - Proverbs 17:22
Can you be on the edge of time and still dance at the center? - Merry
Hatred doesn't cease by hatred, but only by love. - Dhammapada
He who is content can never be ruined. - Lao-Tze
No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar." - Lincoln
Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand." - George Eliot
"I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed."
"Humankind cannot bear very much reality." - T.S. Eliot
"The world owes you nothing. It was here first." -- Twain
Famous Last Words: "I think it's dead..."
Famous Last Words: "This should be easy..."
Danger! **Attention Span Exceeded!**
Butterfly crossing next five miles...
It'd make a rabbit spit at a dog...Irish Proverb
"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity." - Thoreau
Life's Great Irony #146: Turtles have a drag coefficient of .03
It is the journey that matters, in the end.
" !" - -MARCEL MARCEAU
Our life is frittered away by detail... Simplify, simplify - Thoreau
The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose-Hada Bejar
Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live. - Margaret Fuller
Even Murphy's Law doesn't work all the time.
Freeman's Law: Nothing is so simple it cannot be misunderstood.
Kinkler's First Law: Responsibility always exceeds authority.
The dew of compassion is a tear. -- Lord Byron
If you give money, spend yourself with it. -- Henry David Thoreau
"Live truth instead of professing it." - Elbert Hubbard
"Haircut" -Albert Anastasia (d1957), gangster, last word
"Hullo" -Rupert Brooke (1887-1915), English poet, last word
"Remember." -Charles I (1600-49), King of England, last word
"Happy." -Sanzip Raphael (1483-1520), Italian painter, last word
"I've gone off the idea of progress. It's overrated." - A. Dent
A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years. - W. L. Wilkie
"Silence is the voice of complicity."
I was born to speak all mirth and no matter. -- Shakespeare
"Whatever you are, be a good one." - Abraham Lincoln
We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs - G. Steinem
My life has Chinese music torture playing in the background.
Some days it isn't worth chewing through the restraints.
The "Window of Opportunity" is next to the "Trapdoor of Disaster."
"Be afraid....be very afraid..."
50 states ...and I had to pick confusion?
"To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up" - Oscar Wilde
"All that we are is the result of what we have thought"
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation
The worst of all deceptions is self-deception. -Plato
"The friendship that can cease has never been real."- St. Jerome
"Courage is... mastery of fear--not absence of fear." -- Mark Twain
"These are the times that try men's souls." - T. Paine
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Ghandi
"All honor's wounds are self-inflicted." -Andrew Carnegie
What the caterpillar calls "End of the World", God calls a butterfly
I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do
Just another wrinkle in the Fabric of Reality.
Fall seven times, stand up eight --Japanese proverb
"A root is a flower that disdains fame." - Kahlil Gibran
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it - A. Hoffman
Me? A skeptic? I trust that you have proof?!
He who angers you, conquers you!
The reverse side also has a reverse side
I'm clinging to sanity by a thread. Hand me those scissors. -SLR
Love is deaf as well as blind... and walks with a limp. -SLR
Somewhere in the distance, a lonely dog barks. -SLR
Whoso would be a man, would be a nonconformist --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I wanna be just like all the different people --- From "It's Saturday"
All men think all men mortal, but themselves. - Edward Young
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
"It's deja vu all over again." - Yogi Berra
"Art is the only way to run away without leaving home." - Twyla Tharp
Finagle's Creed: Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
PALINDROME spelled backwards is EMORDNILAP.
Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati - Possum Lodge Motto
When all else fails, play dead - Possum Lodge Motto
The only difference between lawyers and vultures is removable wingtips.
MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)
Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter, since nobody listens.
Hayden's Observation: The real world is a special case.
MURPHY'S LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS - Things get worse under pressure.
Version Rule: Version 1.0 was smaller and faster.
"Do not thwart an enemy returning home." -Sun Tzu
Anarchy: Such a good idea, it should be the law.
Funny how life imitates LSD.
Insert funny but obscure remark here.
It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean -Mae West
It's not funny in the least, but I like it! - Joel Robinson
Now then, was that funny or WHAT?
The only time Bob Saget is funny is wh...wait! He isn't funny at all!
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Butterflies. If you throw it.
The Military: Peace is our profession - mass murder's just a hobby.
How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a cab?
Use your wit to amuse, not abuse nor confuse the stupid.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
"He's no failure. He's not dead yet." - William Lloyd George
I'm immortal....so far. - Anon
I plan on living forever. So far, so good. - Anon
"For the townsfolk below, the day began like any other..." - Calvin
"If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it." -- Hobbes
CAT ADVICE: Take some time to eat the flowers.
True greatness knows gentleness.
Faith without works is dead. - James 2:26
Chocolate moose: 1 medium size moose, 20 pounds chocolate.
Nothing is illegal if 30 business men decide to do it.
Scitum est inter caecos luscum regnare posse -- Gerard Didier Erasmus
"Never assume the obvious is true." - William Safire
Hermits have no peer pressure. - S. Wright
Which is real, fantasy or reality? Does it matter? - s.w.
"I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper." - s.w.
Butterflies are caterpillars that take flowers and call them wings.
No evil lost is wailed when it is gone. -- Shakespeare
If all is not lost, then where is it?
"If you want peace, work for justice." - Pope Paul VI
"Look! Velveeta sticks to the ceiling!" -- Opus Penguin
If you feel abusive go buy some rap music...
Wise Scottish saying: Never tune your bagpipes indoors.
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
The most beautiful adventures aren't those we go to seek-R.L.Stevenson
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else! - K. L Clark
Virtue needs some cheaper thrills - Hobbes
Your denial of my victimhood is lowering my self-esteem - Calvin
Buddhist to hot dog vendor, Make me One with Everything
Curiosity killed the cat. Let's get a dog next
1 There's always one in every crowd.
tell it to the Aardvarks... the moose won't believe ya!
A scheme is not a vision - Leonard Cohen
Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto, half not bee - M. Python
As a rule of thumb, too clever is dumb. - Ogden Nash
DUMB: Buying water that spells NAIVE backwards.
Is it really true that there are no dumb questions?
"I get by with a little help from my friends..." - Beatles
"...All the lonely people, where do they all come from?" - Beatles
I have seen the future and it is now the past.
If you keep an open mind, people will throw a lot of garbage in it
If your VCR still blinks 12:00, fear the New World Order.
Don't draw fire. It irritates everyone around you.
Let's go into the jungle and kill something we don't understand!
There is no substitute for incomprehensible good luck.
"If you will jest with me, know my taglines." -- Tagspeare
"Misery acquaints a man with strange taglines." -- Tagspeare
Though this tagline be madness,yet there is method in't. - Tagspeare
"We must work while the clock is ticking."
Some days I feel like all I do is rearrange deck chairs on the Titanic.
Clip-clop..clip-clop....Clip-clop... (Amish drive-by shunning)
All of my voices listen to different radio stations
"Patience..yeah...yeah...how long will *that* take?"
I yam wot I yam, and that's all that I yam - Popeye
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
I don' gotta show you no steenking tag line.
I'd love to, but the Prime Directive forbids it.
Why does my raincoat say "Dry Clean Only"?
Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it.
Hunting is no fun when the rabbit has the gun.
It's easier to love all humanity than some neighbors.
It's not a STOLEN tagline--it's just "previously viewed".
Marijuana, nature's way of saying "Hi!"
Never drink from your finger bowl, it contains only water
A hundred thousand lemmings can't all be wrong.
Age needn't necessarily be a bar to immaturity.
Bring me my blue soap box. I want to make a speech.
Cute rots the intellect.
He who plants trees loves others he will never know.
I tried to get a life, but I wound up at COMPUTER CITY.
If your message arrives late...please keep the tagline as a free gift!
Eyelids.." "OPEN THEM!" -Sally "Ohh, they're *manual*"-Harry, 3rd Rock
I'm not mooning, I'm obsessing. There's a difference. -Dick, 3rd Rock
To make a long story short, I have no idea...- Harry, 3rd Rock
"You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in" -- Arlo Guthrie
"The future will be better tomorrow." -- Dan Quayle
Blind people don't bungee jump because it scares the dog
What you are thinking is what you are becoming. - Anon
A Canadian is an unarmed American with health insurance
I always check the "Native American" box; I was born in Iowa!
He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. - A. Lincoln
We are what we repeatly do. Excellence...is...but a habit --Aristotle
"Reality is nothing but a collective hunch." -- Lily Tomlin
Hey, didn't we go to different high schools?
Oooh, a doobie! Let's bogart that fat boy! -Dick, 3rd Rock from Sun
I'm pulling for you. Remember, we're all in this together - Red Green
A journey of a thousand li starts under one's feet...Lao tzu
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." -- Lenin
"Pieces of Nine! Pieces of Nine!" Another parroty error!
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
"A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat." - Monty Python
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to make fun of.
Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes - W. Irving
Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.
Are cats supposed to thump when you dry 'em in the dryer?
Cat philosophy: It doesn't hurt to ask for what you want.
Cats are nature's way of telling you that you don't really matter.
Do Cheshire cats drink evaporated milk?
I inherited my curiosity from my cat. Why do you ask?
Reason bagpipes have bags: to keep the cat from escaping.
SOMEONE RAN OVER THE CAT! Oh, sorry, didn't know you had bagpipes.
There's more than one way to skin a cat. Get a sander!
Dr. Pavlov! Your dogs just ate the Avon lady!
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
Lawyer: a cat who settles disputes between mice.
What do macrobiotic cats eat? Brown mice
Windows, and Icons, and Mice! Oh, my!
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend -- Deluzy
This talgine meets all U.S. Guvermnint Standerds.
Our deeds determine us,as much as we determine our deeds-George Eliot
"Tain't funny, McGee" - Molly McGee
"That aint the way I heerd it Johnny" - The Old Timer
"I beeeeetcha" - Teeny
"Now cut that out!!" - Jack Benny
If you want to be happy, be. -- Leo Tolstoy
Things are beautiful if you love them. - Jean Anouilh
Imagination is the eye of the soul. - Joseph Joubert
Call me Ishmael. I won't ANSWER, but...
Empty chairs at empty tables..... - Lis Miz
Each snowflake is different - collect the whole set...
All this I cannot bear to witness any longer.
In time of war the laws are silent. - Cicero
(X) You are here
Try to explain a chocolate soda to today's youth.
Out of Taglines, Please Order More
I'm not perky, but I want to be. --Wednesday Addams
Milo.., the walls are crawling with giant fanged winkerbeans (Opus)
"Calvin suddenly realizes the world has no Hue, Value, or Chroma!"
"Potty emergency! Potty emergency!" -- Wakko Warner
Did I mention Berle always hated Yakko, Oh...enuf said
"A little judicious carpentry should remedy THAT." - Wile E. Coyote
Ah'm thinkin'! And muh head hurts... --Yosemite Sam.
Woah, Dumber than advertised!!!
"Boingee, Boingee, Boingee!" -- Yakko, Wakko and Dot
"Justice isn't blind...she's cross-eyed!"--Yakko Warner
"That's funny ho ho, I want funny ha ha."
Gosh, Brain! More gold than a DUCK TALES episode! - Pinky
Happy Happy Joy Joy
"Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons"
"Ahh!! They're dogs!! and...they're playing POKER!!
"That's a lot more mature than I think I care to be." -- Calvin
Are they made from real girl scouts? -Wednesday Addams
"Politically, fashionably and aerodynamically incorrect" -Outland
"Awright, hold it...where's the mutant repellent?" -Bloom County
The same thing we do every night Pinky, Try to takeover the world! - Brain
"Any problem can be solved with enough dynamite!" -Slappy Squirrel.
"Pinky, if I could reach you, I would hurt you." - Brain
"Careful, we don't want to learn from this." - Calvin
"Do you think God lets you plea bargain?" - Calvin
"D'oh!" - Homer Simpson
..I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal. -Calvin.
"Heresy signifies no more than private opinion." - Hobbes
"I've changed my mind Hobbes. People ARE scum." - Calvin.
Gee, Brain, what are we gonna do tonight? - Pinky
I am in considerable pain. - Brain
If my calculations are correct......and they always are..... - Brain
In the depths of your ignorance, what do you want? -- Brain
Dumber than Advertised. -- Yakko Warner
I have no idea what that meant. - Dot Warner
I never get to get it. - Wakko Warner
"If Jiminy Cricket was here, I'd skoosh him." -- Calvin
"I think it's good that everyone becomes food." -- Hobbes
"My upbringing is filled with inconsistent messages." -- Calvin
Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?" -- The Brain
"Brilliant, Brain! *NARF*" -- Pinky
"Egad, Brain! It worked! *ZOINK*" -- Pinky
"If I could reach you, I would hurt you, Pinky" -- The Brain
"I think so, Brain, but culottes have a tendency to ride up so." - Pinky
"I think so, Brain, but isn't Regis Philbin already married?" - Pinky
"I think so, Brain, but this time you wear the tutu." -- Pinky
"Oh. Well. That's different!" -- Pinky
"You write drivel unfit for a light bulb commercial." -- The Brain
"You have the recall of a lima bean, Pinky." -- The Brain
"Sometimes you frighten me, Pinky." -- The Brain
"Maybe we should just write Dear Abby." -- Yakko Warner
"I think so, Brain, but if we didn't have ears we'd look like weasels."
"I think so, Brain, but we'll never get a monkey to use dental floss."
"Okay, I love you, bye bye!" -- Mindy
Those acting classes are really paying off!" -- Yakko Warner
"My heart stopped. . . ... Ah, there it goes!" --Barney
"Once I take over the world, remind me to snub you." - Brain
"Cute the way he tried to fly with his ears..." - Slappy Squirrel
"I dunno, I might let him live. We'll see." - Slappy Squirrel
"I think the Wheel of Morality needs a tune-up." - Wakko Warner
"Didn't I see this on a David Copperfield special?" - Yakko Warner
"Makes me want to write poetry - or bake a ham, I forget which." - Dot
"There is no cause for alarm! ... But there probably will be." - Brain
"We're not making this up just so we can take over the world!" - Brain
"Look! It's big fat Scotty from Star Trek!" - Yakko Warner
"We're practically the size of mice, Brain." "We are mice, Pinky!"
Chicken Boo what's the matter with you??
"Purgatory, here we come!!!" - Warners
"Dabbling in a bit of ironic foreshadowing, are we?" -Milo
"Look! Velveeta sticks to the ceiling!" -Opus
QUUUUIIIIIIEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTT!!!!! Bugs Bunny
"What a maroon!" -- Bugs Bunny
"1, 2... Skip a few... 99, 100!" -- Yakko Warner
"Are we clear?" -- Teacher "No, we're opaque." -- Yakko Warner
"Couldn't Moe and Larry make it?" -- Yakko Warner
"He's a chicken I tell you! A giant chicken!"
"I am the very model of a cartoon individual!" -- Yakko Warner
"I think the Wheel of Morality needs a tune-up." -- Wakko Warner
"I dunno, I might let him live. We'll see." -- Slappy Squirrel
"Poor little evil fellow who asked for it!" -- Dot
"Sorry, but I'm on a low saliva diet." -- Slappy
"Sorry... it's the chocolate talking." -- Wakko Warner
"Want to watch me make bubbles with my spit?" -- Wakko Warner
"Was that a joke? Am I missing something?" -- Yakko Warner
"You remind me of a very young Betty Boop." -- Slappy Squirrel
"Now and then, Aunt Slappy is just a LITTLE bit bitter." - Skippy
"Hellllooooooo Nurse....I don't get it! What does that mean?"
I keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency. -F.Leghorn
"Sizzling pumpkins? This is truly pathetic!" -- Slappy Squirrel
"Yeah!... No, wait!" -- The Brain
Yes, Brain, but burlap chafes me so..." -- Pinky
"I think we just met today's special friend." -- Yakko Warner
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?" -- The Brain
"Gee, Brain, what are we gonna do tonight?" -- Pinky
"If my calculations are correct, and they always are..." -- Brain
"Same thing we do every night. Try to take over the world!"
"We're not making this up just so we can take over the world!"
"This is a job for.. AACK! WAAUGHHH!! ...someone else." -- Calvin
"They have spoken froinlavin. Go in we should let them."
"79ยข for a box of Banana Walrus Wafers? That's ridiculous!" - Opus
"ANARCHY NOW!" - Milo Bloom
"Accountability is Un-American!!" - Opus
"And what about this business of death? I DON'T LIKE IT!" - Binkley
"Dabbling in a bit of ironic foreshadowing, are we?" - Binkley
"Gummi Bears inside my head! They're chewing on my brain!!" - Portnoy
"LONG LIVE THE GLORIOUS COCKROACH REBELLION!!" - Bloom County
"Oh my. This IS a repugnant situation." - Binkley
"The Big Casualness'... Fear it!!" - Opus
Pillage pillage pillage ... loot loot loot! - Stimpy
"Alright, but Shamu wouldn't work under these conditions!" - Yakko
"Was that a joke? Am I missing something?" - Yakko
"Something tells me we're not in Northern Wisconsin anymore..." -Yakko
"You know, you should meet my pet..." - Dot Warner
"We're not that stupid, we just know the plot." - Yakko
"Tactless - yet rude." - Slappy
Ehhh...What's up, doc? - Bugs Bunny
"A gift of humanity is what I want for Christmas!!" - Opus
"I'm Sorry!! I... I must have been sober!!" - Bloom County
Why Hello, Mister `Bring-Back-The-Death-Penalty!' - Bloom County
Penguin Evolution is a fib. - Bloom County
SHOOT HIM NOW! SHOOT HIM NOW!" -- Daffy Duck
"This is a lot of tripe; you know that."--The Brain
"Let's plunge ahead." --Dr. Scratchensniff
"Sorry, but I'm on a low saliva diet." --Slappy Squirrel
"Was that a joke? Am I missing something?" --Yakko Warner
"I think the Wheel of Morality needs a tune-up." -- Wakko Warner
"Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn...." -- Wakko
"Have you met my pet?" - Dot
"Help me, will ya? I'm old."--Slappy
"Just one little kiss? I promise I've had all my shots!" - Yakko
"Lemme know if those dresses get too heavy, gr-r-r-rowl!"--Yakko
"Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed." - Brain
"The Wheel of Morality adds educational value...."--Yakko
"We have no taste, but we like you." - Dot
"We win a trip to Ta-Hiiiitiii!"--Yakko/Wakko/Dot
"Well, now we're getting into philosophy." - Yakko
"Coffee, tea, monster?" Dot Warner
"I think that I'm dizzy, and I rather like it." - Pinky
"It's a running gag." - Dot
"Life is a joke that has just begun..." -- Yakko
"The hotel of your mind has many vacancies. " - Yakko
"We love you too! Say 'Hi' to Mom for us!" - Dot
"I Arthur" - Evil Arthur twin
I will not instigate revolution -Bart Simpson/Episode 7G06
I will not encourage others to fly -Bart Simpson/Episode 7F03
I will not torment the emotionally frail -Bart Simpson/Episode 8F10
"Gravity is a cruel mistress" - The Tick
"I am mighty... I have a glow you cannot see." - The TICK
"Can't... Do... Plaid..." -Crusading Chameleon
"...Never stand in back of a cow..." -El Seed
"Eyes...failing...Chicken soup..only chance for survival.." -The Tick
Could you turn that thing down?I'm controlling a mind here! -Mr.Mental
"Say, this a little bit of all right!" - Die Fladermaus
"The night is young, and we have umbrellas in our drinks." -The Tick
"We've got many a TV dinner to heat unevenly ourselves." -The Tick
"You know, for a lovable dolphin, he's pretty hostile..." -The Tick
Here's a little tip, leap before you look!" - The Tick
Honk if you love justice! - The Tick
"We must all make sacrifices, Pinky. You may be next." - Brain
But we LIKE spontaneity, don't we, Pinky? - Brain
"Evil is on the loose." - Arthur "Oh, Evil IS baaaad!" - The Tick
"I'd like a herring burger with loads of mayo." - Opus
"`The Honest Opinion'... It has destroyed better men than I." - Opus
"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution." -- Homer Simpson
"That's not true, Brain! He's a crime-fighting genius!" - Pinky
"Love is cool" - The Tick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. --Bart Simpson
I will not fake seizures. --Bart Simpson
"I'm not angry... just terribly, terribly hurt." -The Martian
"It's the same thing" said Pooh.
"Bother," said Pooh as he disposed of Piglet's body.
"Bother", said Pooh as he stuffed Piglet's corpse into a trash bag
"Bother", said Pooh, as he was butchered for his paws & liver.
"Bother," said Pooh, tossing his empty Guinness bottle into a dustbin.
"Bother", said Pooh when he couldn't think of a tagline.
"Bother", said Pooh, as he loaded his last round.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he saw the mushroom cloud.
"Bother," said Pooh, as his Earl Grey tea was delivered cold.
"Bother," said Pooh, for no apparent reason.
"Bother," said Pooh, as millions of voices cried out and went silent.
"Bother," said Pooh as he switched between Animaniacs and Star Trek.
"Bother" said Pooh as Piglet acquired all four Railway stations
"Bother!" said A. A. Milne, as he pooh poohed Disney.
"Bother," said Pooh as the trip-wire clicked.
"Oh, havoc," cried Pooh as he let slip the dogs of war.
Visualize using your turn signals
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear
He who laughs last, thinks slowest
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot
We're running a little long, so Good Night Folks - Jack Benny
Don't wait. Procrastinate NOW!
I'm not a complete idiot. Several parts are missing.
"Never drive faster than you can see." -- Jack Burton
Bad Spellers of the world UNTIE!!!!
"I will always cherish the original misconceptions I had about you."
Anything which does not kill me had best do enough damage to keep me from
firing back!
It's all good fun until someone loses a eye!
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what's for lunch - Orson
Welles
"To find fault is easy; to do better may be difficult." - Plutarch
"Rise above principal and do what's right." - Joseph Heller
"There is nothing like a dream to create the future." - Victor Hugo
One man's terrorist is another man's patriot
"It's a chancy job and it makes a man watchful--and a little lonely." -
Matt Dillon
Remember, you're on your own - Don't push it - Harold (New Red Green Show)
Earth first! We'll abuse the other planets later.
Animal testing is a bad idea: they get all nervous and give wrong answers.
I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make them up!
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere!
"Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing."
Reality-o-meter: [\........] Hmmph! Thought so...
Go straight to the docs. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200!
Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.
This tagline is SHAREWARE! To register, send me $10
Do what you will with this tagline, just don't bother me about it!
"Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again." - L. Long
"42? 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?!"
Line noise provided by US West!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
MONEY TALKS ... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!
Lindsey Johnstone
Lindsey
Felton
--
Felton
Klairol for Klingons, because today is a good day to dye!
Lindsey Johnstone
L
Susan
Sorry, this one is gone because of a word used in reference to a race that
can be taken as offensive to that specific race. Please read these things
over carefully in the future before posting them....thanks. ; )
--
Susan
Novell Support Connection Volunteer SysOp
http://support.novell.com/forums/scfindex.html - newsgroup list
http://support.novell.com/forums/faq_rules.html - newsgroup info/rules
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