En ik heb nog een mop verzonnen
DrBukkake
moe en wil wat slapen, maar de verkoper stelt haar voor een spelletje te
spelen. De dame weigert en draait zich om om wat te slapen, maar de
verkoper dringt aan. �Luister,� zegt hij, �je mag de ander een vraag
stellen. Wie het antwoord niet weet, moet de ander 5 euro geven.�
Opnieuw weigert de vrouw en probeert zich wat te netstelen. De verkoper
probeert wederom: �We spelen het als volgt. Als jij het antwoord niet
weet, geef je mij 5 euro, als ik het antwoord niet weet, krijg jij
vijftig euro.� �Vooruit dan,� zegt de vrouw en speelt mee. De verkoper
begint met een vraag: �Hoeveel bedraagt de afstand tussen de maan en de
aarde?� De dame trekt haar portemonnee en geeft vijf euro aan de
verkoper. Die glundert en zegt: �Nu is het jouw beurt om mij iets te
vragen.� De vrouw denkt even na en vraagt dan: �Wat gaat met drie poten
de berg op en komt er met vier poten weer vanaf?� De verkoper denkt heel
diep na: hij weet het niet. Hij neemt zijn laptop en googlet wat, maar
vindt het niet. De knappe vrouwe is intussen in slaap gevallen. Hij
zoekt een hele poos op internet, maar vruchteloos. Uiteindelijk maakt
hij de vrouw wakker, neemt hij zijn portemonnee en geeft haar 50 euro.
Ze stopt het geld weg en draait zich weer om om verder te slapen,
wanneer de verkoper vraagt: �Wat was het antwoord op de vraag?� De vrouw
neemt zwijgend haar portemonnee en overhandigt de verkoper 5 euro.
DrBukkake
> On Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:04:36 +0100, DrBukkake <DrBu...@gmail.com>
> wrote in nl.humor:
>
>> En ik heb nog een mop verzonnen
>
> Volgens mij niet, want ik ken hem al heel lang (maar dan over een boer
> en een hoogleraar in de trein)
toch was het de beste mop van nederland in 2009!
kijk maar op de telegraaf dot en el
D'r Limbabwaan
"DrBukkake" <DrBu...@gmail.com> schreef in bericht
news:4029d$4afa8c3f$4dfb7960$88...@news.chello.nl...
> Een knappe vrouw en een verkoper zitten in het vliegtuig.
Toen nl.humor werd opgericht was die mop al minstens jong belegen.
Hij is alleen van de trein naar het vliegtuig verplaatst en heeft andere
hoofdrolspelers.
De essentie van die mop heeft een langere baard dan Sinterklaas met dat
meisje op schoot.
--
m.v.g.
H.
Leon
®@/\\/\\
"DrBukkake" <DrBu...@gmail.com> schreef in bericht
news:4029d$4afa8c3f$4dfb7960$88...@news.chello.nl...
WE WANT MORE!
DrBukkake
DrBukkake
> WE WANT MORE!
Hier verzin er meer ter plekke:
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a
burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the
wife her own meal. "It's all right," says the husband. "We share
everything."
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a
bite. "I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he
insists. "She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."
Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"
The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"
A polar bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a scotch and � Coke."
"Why the long pause?" asks the bartender.
"I don't know," says the bear. "I've always had them."
Tired of waiting in the back of the line to get on Noah's Ark, a flea
jumps from one animal to another as she moves closer to the front. She
leaps and leaps until she lands on the back of an elephant. The
pachyderm turns to its mate and says testily, "I knew it! Here they go
with the pushing and shoving!"
A man says to a friend, "My wife is on a three-week diet."
"Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?"
"Two weeks."
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank,
which drives him crazy. One day, she found the piggy in, of all places,
the refrigerator. Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll
understand, but my capital has been frozen."
A concerned police officer approaches a boy crying in front of a newsstand.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"Superman isn't out yet!"
"I'll handle it," the cop assures him. "Hey, Superman!" he shouts. "Come
on out! We won't hurt you!"
A man calls a radio deejay and says, "I've found a wallet with a hundred
thousand koruny inside. There's also a card that says �Jan Ziegler,
Seifert Street 3, Prague.' " "So?" says the deejay. "What do you want us
to do?"
"Would you be so kind as to play the man a song?"
Hannu wants everything to be perfect for his anniversary trip to the
hotel where he and his wife honeymooned 30 years earlier. So he gets
there a day early to make all the arrangements. That night, he e-mails
her but misspells the address and it goes to a recent widow. The next
day, the widow's son finds his mother passed out in front of her
computer. On the screen is this e-mail: "My darling wife, I've just
gotten here and everything's set for your arrival tomorrow. I hope your
trip down here will be as pleasant as mine. "P.S. It's really hot!"
President Sarkozy visits a steel factory. To the boss's surprise, the
president greets an employee, Morton, with a warm hug. The same thing
happens when Barack Obama visits, and again during Vladimir Putin's
tour. Unimpressed, the boss says to Morton, "I bet you don't know the
pope."
Morton shrugs. "We play golf together."
The gauntlet has been tossed, and the boss pays their way to the
Vatican. During the Benediction, Morton slips away. Sure enough, he
reappears�side by side with the pope. Two Chinese tourists tap the boss
on the shoulder and ask, "Who's the guy in white standing with Morton?"
Wandering around a fairgrounds, a man enters a fortune-teller's tent for
a laugh. "I see you're the father of two," says the seer, gazing into
her crystal ball. "Ha! That's what you think," says the man scornfully.
"I'm the father of three."
"Ha!" says the fortune-teller. "That's what you think."
Doctor: Have you taken my advice and slept with the window open?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: So your asthma disappeared completely?
Patient: No, but my watch, TV, iPod, and laptop have.
A business executive visits his dear Chinese friend in the hospital. "Li
kai yang qi guan," says the sick man feebly. The executive desperately
wants to help him, but he doesn't speak Mandarin. "Li kai yang qi guan!"
says the patient, as he draws his last breath. Later that year, the
executive is in Shanghai on business when he finally learns the meaning
of Li kai yang qi guan: "Get off my oxygen tube."
A fortune-teller advised me, "Do everything your boss says." Sage
advice, I thought, as I was working on an important project. As if I
needed more proof of just how good the psychic was, that night, as I
read the newspaper, I noticed my horoscope: "Do everything your boss says."
Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild.
Since the young chief never learned the ways of his ancestors, he tells
them to collect firewood, then he goes off and calls the National
Weather Service. "Will the winter be bad?" he asks.
"Looks like it," is the answer.
So the chief tells his people to gather more firewood. A week later, he
calls again. "Are you positive the winter will be very cold?" "Absolutely."
The chief tells his people to gather even more firewood, then calls the
Weather Service again: "Are you sure?" "I'm telling you, it's going to
be the coldest winter on record."
"How do you know?"
"Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie. "You're a kind lady, so I'll
grant you one wish," the genie tells her.
"See this cat? I'd rather have a strong, handsome man," she says.
The genie agrees and�poof!�the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The
woman leaps into his lap.
"Do you have anything to say before we make love?" she asks.
"Yes," he says. "I bet you wish you hadn't had me neutered last week."
Joe, Mike, Mary, and Tom were talking about their dream jobs. "I want to
be a lawyer," Joe began, "so that I can defend my countrymen."
"I want to be a congressman," said Mike, "so I can draft laws to benefit
my countrymen."
"I want to be a doctor," said Mary, "so that I can cure my countrymen."
"How about you, Tom? What would you like to be?" asked Joe.
Tom thought a moment and replied, "I'd like to be a countryman."
Nearing the end, Stanislaw is surrounded by loved ones. As the final
moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, "I must
tell you my greatest secret." His family urges him to go on.
"Before I got married, I had it all," Stanislaw explains. "Fast cars,
cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me, �Get
married and start a family. Otherwise, no one will be there to give you
a glass of water to drink when you're on your deathbed.' So I took his
advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my
Ferrari and invested in college funds. And now here we are. And you know
what?"
"What?"
"I'm not even thirsty!"
A man is visiting an old friend when a little girl races through the room.
"Diploma," the friend calls after her, "bring us two cups of coffee."
"Diploma? What an odd name," says the visitor. "How did she get it?"
The friend sighs. "I sent my daughter to study at the university in
Lisbon, and that's what she came back with."
Vlad gets pulled over after a high-speed car chase. "I'm going to help
you out," says the police officer. "Give me a good excuse and I won't
write you a ticket." "Three weeks ago, my wife left me for a cop," Vlad
explains. "So when I saw your car coming, I thought you were trying to
bring her back."
A neighbor finds a young boy sitting on the stairs crying. "What's the
matter, honey?" she asks him. "It's my father," the boy sobs. "He hit
his finger with a hammer."
"Then why are you crying?"
"Because first I laughed!"
As they leave the courthouse, a lawyer turns to his grim-looking client
and says, "Janez, what's wrong? You were acquitted." "I know, but now
I'm really in trouble," says Janez. "I just rented out my apartment for
three years."
A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out.
"Please, se�ora," the poor man pleads, "I haven't eaten all day."
"Good," says the grandmother. "Now you won't have to worry about cramps
when you go for a swim."
Wife: Honey, did you notice? I bought a new toilet brush.
Husband: Yes, I did. But I still prefer the paper.
Papa Turtle is telling his son a bedtime story. "Once upon a time, there
was a white bunny."
"Aw, c'mon, Dad," says the boy. "That's kid stuff. What about some
science fiction?"
"All right. Once upon a time, there was a bunny in outer space �"
"Dad! Make it more grown-up."
"Okay, okay. Promise you won't tell Mom."
"I swear."
"Once upon a time, there was a naked bunny �"
"Hurry up or we'll be late!" shouts a teacher to her kindergarten class.
"What's the rush?" a tot asks coolly.
"If we're late, we'll miss your next class!" the teacher reminds him.
The kid shrugs. "If you're in such a hurry, go on without us."
"About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's
back with lard. After that, he went downhill very quickly."
--Comic Milton Jones
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So
they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.
Later they get together. The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I
read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next
week is his First Communion." "I found a bear by the stream," says the
minister, "and preached God's Holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that
he let me baptize him." They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying
on a gurney in a body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't
have started with the circumcision." --Submitted by Mitchell Hauser
®@/\\/\\
HAHAHAHA!
Nieuwe max tailleur is geboren!
DrBukkake
®@/\\/\\
En de zak van Bukkake!
Leon
>> http://www.rnw.nl/nl/nederlands/article/nederlander-op-zeven-na-leukste-van-de-wereld
>>
> Ik ben kevin uut zwolle ja, wat is er mis mee?
Niets, in ieder geval geeft de link een link naar de Monty Python film
over de best mop ter wereld. Om je dood te lachen..
atoom
> On Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:57:41 +0100, DrBukkake <DrBu...@gmail.com>
> wrote in nl.humor:
>
>> a laugh. "I see you're the father of two," says the seer, gazing into
>> her crystal ball. "Ha! That's what you think," says the man scornfully.
>> "I'm the father of three."
>> "Ha!" says the fortune-teller. "That's what you think."
>
wow it's me, shame and scandal in the family
atome
muis
"Jos�" <jo...@127.0.0.1> schreef in bericht
news:t9hnf5dc8s5s8neaq...@4ax.com...
> On Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:04:58 +0100, DrBukkake <DrBu...@gmail.com>
> wrote in nl.humor:
>
>>ik zal een 06 bellijn openen!
>
Wat is dat nu weer voor 'n onzin?
Kun je z'n rep anders niet lezen of zo?
André, PE1PQX
Ik zie hier een alternatief voor euthanasie en/of zelfdoding:
Death with a smile...
®@/\\/\\
"muis" <buggerP...@hotmail.com> schreef in bericht
news:7f85.4afbf908.6f116@vespertilionina...
Jos� is zo'n troll...
dat soort figuurtjes kan je beter negeren en plonken
muis
"�@/\/\" <Ramst...@Nomail.com> schreef in bericht
news:dd53f$4afc14f7$3ec28e2d$11...@news.chello.nl...
Ik schrik er gewoon helemaal van zeg!
Dat heb ik nu nog nooit meegemaakt!
Is er geen moderator op Usenet, die kan optreden bij dergelijke zaken?
D'r Limbabwaan
>
> "�@/\/\" <Ramst...@Nomail.com> schreef in bericht
>>
>> "muis" <buggerP...@hotmail.com> schreef in bericht
>> news:7f85.4afbf908.6f116@vespertilionina...
>>>
>>>> On Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:04:58 +0100, DrBukkake <DrBu...@gmail.com>
>>>> wrote in nl.humor:
>>>>
>>>>>ik zal een 06 bellijn openen!
>>>>
>>>> Dan moet je eerst leren quoten.
>>>
>>> Wat is dat nu weer voor 'n onzin?
>>> Kun je z'n rep anders niet lezen of zo?
>>
>> dat soort figuurtjes kan je beter negeren en plonken
>
> Ik schrik er gewoon helemaal van zeg!
> Dat heb ik nu nog nooit meegemaakt!
> Is er geen moderator op Usenet, die kan optreden bij dergelijke zaken?
Dat deed Ome Johan toch?
--
m.v.g.
H.
atoom
>
> "muis" <buggerP...@hotmail.com> schreef in bericht
> news:2e3d.4afc1e02.10125@vespertilionina...
>>
>>>
>>> "muis" <buggerP...@hotmail.com> schreef in bericht
>>> news:7f85.4afbf908.6f116@vespertilionina...
>>>>
>>>>> On Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:04:58 +0100, DrBukkake <DrBu...@gmail.com>
>>>>> wrote in nl.humor:
>>>>>
>>>>>> ik zal een 06 bellijn openen!
>>>>>
>>>>> Dan moet je eerst leren quoten.
>>>>
>>>> Wat is dat nu weer voor 'n onzin?
>>>> Kun je z'n rep anders niet lezen of zo?
>>>
>>> dat soort figuurtjes kan je beter negeren en plonken
>>
>> Ik schrik er gewoon helemaal van zeg!
>> Dat heb ik nu nog nooit meegemaakt!
>> Is er geen moderator op Usenet, die kan optreden bij dergelijke zaken?
>
> Dat deed Ome Johan toch?
>
die is er *hopelijk* toch niet meer ?
DrBukkake
Rudolpo
8<
>> Is er geen moderator op Usenet, die kan optreden bij dergelijke zaken?
>
> Dat deed Ome Johan toch?
>
Nee h�? We gaan toch geen ouwe trollen uit de sloot helpen?
--
Rudolpho
Carpe diem
atoom
> D'r Limbabwaan schreef:
>>
>> "muis" <buggerP...@hotmail.com> schreef in bericht
>
> 8<
>
>>> Is er geen moderator op Usenet, die kan optreden bij dergelijke zaken?
>>
>> Dat deed Ome Johan toch?
>>
>
die mag, hopelijk, geen Internet maar aanraken.
mens wat een trollllllll was hij
the atome ( troll) distuctor
D'r Limbabwaan
"atoom" <nobody@localhost.> schreef in bericht
news:4afc4c87$0$22918$e4fe...@news.xs4all.nl...
> D'r Limbabwaan wrote:
>>
>> "muis" <buggerP...@hotmail.com> schreef in bericht
>> news:2e3d.4afc1e02.10125@vespertilionina...
>>>
>>>>
>>>> "muis" <buggerP...@hotmail.com> schreef in bericht
>>>> news:7f85.4afbf908.6f116@vespertilionina...
>>>>>
>>>>>> On Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:04:58 +0100, DrBukkake <DrBu...@gmail.com>
>>>>>> wrote in nl.humor:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> ik zal een 06 bellijn openen!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Dan moet je eerst leren quoten.
>>>>>
>>>>> Wat is dat nu weer voor 'n onzin?
>>>>> Kun je z'n rep anders niet lezen of zo?
>>>>
>>>> dat soort figuurtjes kan je beter negeren en plonken
>>>
>>> Ik schrik er gewoon helemaal van zeg!
>>> Dat heb ik nu nog nooit meegemaakt!
>>> Is er geen moderator op Usenet, die kan optreden bij dergelijke zaken?
>>
>> Dat deed Ome Johan toch?
>>
>
> die is er *hopelijk* toch niet meer ?
Geen wonder, dat het dan zo'n zootje wordt op Usenet.
--
m.v.g.
H.
Larie & Wiesje
news:7m4ns0F...@mid.individual.net...
>>>> Ik schrik er gewoon helemaal van zeg!
>>>> Dat heb ik nu nog nooit meegemaakt!
>>>> Is er geen moderator op Usenet, die kan optreden bij dergelijke zaken?
>>> Dat deed Ome Johan toch?
>> die is er *hopelijk* toch niet meer ?
> Geen wonder, dat het dan zo'n zootje wordt op Usenet.
OJ leeft, bijvoorbeeld in alt.madcrew, maar noemt zich nu anders.
--
Larie,
OJ's getuige
D'r Limbabwaan
"Larie & Wiesje" <larie...@chello.nl> schreef in bericht
news:4afd2f47$1$56608$dbd4...@news.wanadoo.nl...
Wordt het toch nog een gelukkig kerstfeest daarzo.
--
m.v.g.
H.
Larie & Wiesje
>> OJ leeft, bijvoorbeeld in alt.madcrew, maar noemt zich nu anders.
> Wordt het toch nog een gelukkig kerstfeest daarzo.
Heus wel! We zetten gewoon een prikkelende boom op, we brengen wat
lichtpuntjes, en iemand wil zijn ballen kwijt, Dus...
--
Larie
Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the house
not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.
http://www.carols.org.uk/twas_the_night_before_christmas.htm
atoom
> "D'r Limbabwaan" <fa...@invalid.invalid> schreef in bericht
> news:7m501fF...@mid.individual.net...
>
>>> OJ leeft, bijvoorbeeld in alt.madcrew, maar noemt zich nu anders.
>
>> Wordt het toch nog een gelukkig kerstfeest daarzo.
>
> Heus wel! We zetten gewoon een prikkelende boom op, we brengen wat
> lichtpuntjes, en iemand wil zijn ballen kwijt, Dus...
>
nou ik weet niet welke ballen je bedoeld maar de mijne krijg je niet
PUNT.............
the atome bomb (die de ballen graag zelf houd)
André, PE1PQX
We weten allemaal wel dat die 2 gasten die in december altijd hun neus
laten zien eigenlijk vieze mannen zijn:
Sinterklaas heeft schimmel tussen zijn benen, en de kerstman gooit zijn
zak op zijn rug en hangt zijn ballen in een boom...
D'r Limbabwaan
"Andr�, PE1PQX" <Andre_ge...@pe1pqx.eu> schreef in bericht
news:7m5tp5F...@mid.individual.net...
Nu we het er toch over hebben, laatst kroop er een meisje bij Sinterklaas op
de schoot en vroeg: "...........
--
m.v.g.
H.