News of the Weird, October 25, 2009
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* The human brain's 100 billion neurons may have such specific
functions that a few electrically charge only upon recognition of a
single celebrity, such as Oprah Winfrey or Bill Clinton. UCLA
researchers, studying the healthy cells of pre-op epilepsy patients,
inadvertently discovered this unusual property, which apparently
varies with individuals but remains internally consistent, whether
the celebrity is represented by picture, name, or sound. Patients
were presented "hundreds of stimuli," one researcher told the Wall
Street Journal in October, but "the neuron would respond to only
one or two." For example, neurons were found that reacted only to
to Jennifer Aniston, only to "The Simpsons," only to Mother
Teresa. [Wall Street Journal, 10-9-09]
The Continuing Crisis
* In 2002, following an acrimonious family debate, the head of late
baseball slugger Ted Williams was cryogenically frozen, in the
hope that science will some day learn how to revive dead people.
An employee of the Arizona lab that stores the head recently
disclosed some inside shenanigans, according to a September
report in the New York Daily News. According to the employee,
to keep Williams's head from sticking to the inside of its storage
carton, the head was placed on an empty Bumble Bee tuna fish can
inside the container, but the can itself then stuck to the head and
had to be whacked off with a monkey wrench. (Since the lab's
work is secretive, only first-person reports are likely to emerge on
this story.) [New York Daily News, 10-2-09]
* High-Maintenance Goddesses: In Ahmedabad District, India, in
September, Ramveer Singh Baghel, 35, sliced off his tongue as an
offering to the goddess Amba. His sacrifice made him an instant
deity in the local temple, delaying his trip to the hospital. And two
weeks later, in a village in Bargarh District, India, a 19-year-old
woman cut out her tongue, hoping, she said, that the Shiva temple's
resident goddess would halt the woman's imminent arranged
marriage and allow her to pick someone closer to her age. [Times
of India, 9-28-09] [Times of India, 10-14-09]
* Adventure in the Bush: In June, after a monitored, endangered
marsupial (a "woylie") was killed in West Australia, scientists set
out to recover the expensive radio collar transmitter it was wearing,
but as they approached the signal, a six-foot-long python
swallowed the woylie and collar. The scientists captured the
snake, intending to wait for the collar to pass through, but poachers
broke into the Department of Environment and Conservation's
shelter and stole the python, surely intending to sell it. According
to a June report in The West Australian, the scientists, aided by
authorities, eventually picked up the radio transmissions again,
arrested one poacher, and freed the snake from its impending life
of captivity. [The West Australian, 6-27-09]
* In a delicate, two-hour procedure at a hospital in Newport Beach,
Calif., in September, firefighters carefully sawed off the inch-thick
metal dumbbell-tightening ring into which a man had inserted his
penis three days earlier. He told surgeons his plan was to lengthen
the organ, to, as he put it, "make me the chief of my tribe." By the
time he got to the hospital, his member was swollen to more than
twice its normal size, and sawing the ring off (without cutting the
skin) was the only way to save it. [Daily Pilot (Newport Beach), 9-
22-09]
Bright Ideas
* The mayor of the Paris suburb of Levallois-Perret, faced with an
overcrowded highway D909 through town, "solved" the problem
recently by making the street one-way, sending traffic speedily into
the adjacent town of Clichy-la-Garenne. That city's mayor (a
political rival of the Levallois-Perret mayor) reacted by making his
portion of D909 one-way back toward Levallois-Perret, creating a
dilemma at the city limit. Other authorities are working to resolve
the impasse. [BBC News, 9-1-09]
* Chutzpah! In the tiny east Texas town of Tenaha, police
allegedly extorted traveling motorists by subjecting them to bogus
traffic stops, perhaps finding small amounts of drugs, and then
offering to forgo prosecution if the motorists would forfeit their
cars and other property. The forfeited items were then sold to fund
a special police recreation account. Last year, ACLU of Texas
filed a federal civil rights lawsuit against both the police and local
prosecutor Lynda Russell, and in September 2009, Russell asked
the state attorney general if she could pay her legal expenses from
the alleged extorted recreation account. [Daily Sentinel
(Nacogdoches), 10-6-09]
Hyperactive Seniors
* (1) Ella Orko, 86, was arrested in Chicago in August (her 61st
arrest) and charged with shoplifting $252 worth of groceries and
sundries (including anti-wrinkle cream). (2) Earlier this year,
Richard Ramsey, 77, finally fulfilled a dream he said he'd had since
age 13: He surgically became a woman. He had been living
occasionally as Renee Ramsey following a 20-year military career,
partly spent as a Green Beret. [Chicago Tribune-AP, 8-3-09]
[KYW-TV (Philadelphia), 7-24-09]
Fine Points of the Law
* Judge James Morley dismissed animal cruelty charges in
September against former Moorestown, N.J., police officer Robert
Melia, Jr., who had been caught in 2006 attempting to sexually
gratify himself, using calves' mouths. Because the state has no
anti-bestiality statute, Melia was charged with animal "cruelty," but
Judge Morley said he was uncertain whether the acts were "cruel"
or merely confusing. He reasoned that calves would normally
recognize an appendage in their mouths as the prelude to food. If
the calf could speak, said Judge Morley, it might merely say,
"Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk." [Philadelphia Daily
News, 9-24-09]
Fetishes on Parade
* (1) Jerry Lowery, 38, surrendered to police in Milwaukee, Wis.,
in July in connection with three thefts of expensive eyeglasses
from local retailers. He admitted that he "really [likes] to be
around glasses" and has had this "problem" for about 15 years. (2)
Police in Commerce, Tex., arrested a man in September and
charged him with twice approaching a female clerk at Commerce
Hardware, holding up a piece of paper with powder on it, and
blowing it into her face, to provoke sneezing. Said police chief
Kerry Crews, "He becomes aroused by females sneezing." "In my
entire career I've never heard of anything like this." [Milwaukee
Journal Sentinel, 7-27-09] [Herald Banner (Greenville, Tex.), 9-25-
09]
Least Competent Criminals
* Major Denial: In September, David McKay, 28, finally pleaded
guilty in Regina, Saskatchewan, to obstruction of justice after
initially lying to police officers who were trying to serve a warrant
on him from an earlier incident. McKay had repeatedly claimed
that he was "Matthew," and not "David McKay," even at the station
house, when a search revealed that "David McKay" was tattooed
on his shoulder. [Leader-Post (Regina), 9-22-09]
Undignified Deaths
* (1) A 40-year-old man accidentally, fatally, shot himself in
Imperial, Mo., in September while teaching gun safety to his
girlfriend. The gun fired when he was quizzing her to recognize
whether a gun's safety mechanism was engaged or not. (2) Tom
Elton, 54, and Brenda Blondell, 59, both convicted murderers who
became prison-rights activists, eventually won parole, continued
their community work together in the Vancouver, British
Columbia, area, and married each other. However, in June, police
arrested Elton and charged him with murdering Blondell. [KSDK-
TV (St. Louis), 9-21-09] [Vancouver Sun, 6-23-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (September 2006)
* In August 2006, the St. Petersburg Times profiled Michael
Wiley, 39, of Port Richey, Fla., an enthusiastic driver despite
having lost both arms and half a leg in a childhood accident.
Wrote the Times, "He guides the key into the ignition with his
mouth. Turns it with his toes. Shifts with his knee. Bites the
headlight switch. Jams his stump of a left arm into the steering
wheel and whips it around." On the minus side, his license was
revoked long ago, and reckless driving charges flourish, including
the latest, one day after the Times story ran. (And three weeks
later, he was charged with domestic assault, using his forehead.)
[St. Petersburg Times, 8-20-06, 9-13-06]
Thanks This Week to Michael Thompson, Michael
Ravnitzky, David Melcher, Jim Rehmann, Dave Pierson, Scott
Bernstein, Randy Sigurdson, Rick Matz, Chad Sucher, Terry
Raterman, Mark Jung, Lee Hasiuk, Kathy Diehl, and Jacob
Derksen, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial
Advisors.
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