News of the Weird, April 28, 2013

[Chuck Shepherd]

WEIRDNUZ.M316 (News of the Weird, April 28, 2013)
by Chuck Shepherd       

Copyright 2013 by Chuck Shepherd.  All rights reserved.

Ladies and gentlemen, Beginning next Sunday, Yr Editor makes
a long-awaited, thrice-weekly return to the blog
WeirdUniverse.net.  On May 5th, you could (if you wanted to)
read this same News of the Weird column e-mailed to you every
Sunday--but with clickable links in case you want to quickly find
the main story that the NOTW mention is based on.  If you
wanted to.  If not, just keep reading it here--as long as Google
Groups lasts.  Then, on Monday mornings, I will post a fresh
News of the Weird 2.0 column containing only news of the previous
7 days (“news” with special Shepherd garnish, of course).  Then,
on most Tuesday mornings, I will make a shorter post related
specifically to previous News of the Weird columns, reader mail,
and goings-on in our, um, “industry” (if not “profession”):
“Backstage in the Weird News Community.”  And, of course,
seven days a week, you can read the zany, eerie, bizarre findings
unearthed by my partners, Alex Boese and Paul Di Filippo and
our occasional guests.  That’s WeirdUniverse.net (for your
entertainment pleasure--and, sadly, free of charge).  Starting May

5th.

Lead Story

* The Precocious Tots of Finland:  A University of Kansas
professor and two co-authors, in forthcoming Journal of Finance
research, found that children age 10 and under substantially
outperformed their parents in earnings from stock trading in the few
days before and after rumors swirled on possible corporate mergers.
A likely explanation, they said, is that the parents or guardians were
buying and selling for their children's accounts using illegal insider
information that they were cautious about using in their personal
accounts, which would more easily arouse suspicion.  While
parents' accounts had nice returns, the kids' accounts (including
those held by the very recently-born) were almost 50 percent more
profitable.  (The study, reported by NPR in April, covered 15 years
of trades in Finland, chosen because that country collects age data
that the U.S. and other countries do not.)  [NPR, 4-9-2013]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit!

* Delicate Marketing Required:  (1) A fluoride-free chocolate
toothpaste "proven" to strengthen teeth and regenerate enamel is
now on sale in limited markets in the U.S.  Theodent (active
ingredient:  "rennou") is also available in mint flavor, said its New
Orleans-based inventor, Dr. Tetsuo Nakamoto.  (2) One of the 12
Canadian foods chosen to accompany the country's International
Space Station astronaut in December is the limited-issue dry cereal
especially noted for its fiber, organic buckwheat, and various
nontraditional ingredients.  "Holy Crap" cereal is available
throughout Canada and in 19 other countries. [WBRZ-TV (Baton
Rouge, La.), 2-19-2013] [Newswire Canada, 12-14-2012]

* "Even to Icelanders accustomed to harsh weather and isolation,"
reported the New York Times in March, the city of Grimsstadir "is
a particularly desolate spot."  Nonetheless, Chinese billionaire land
developer Huang Nubo has announced he intends to build a luxury
hotel and golf course in the area for his countrymen seeking "clean
air and solitude."  Since snowfalls often run from September until
May, locals are skeptical of Huang's motives, but he continues to
press for a long-term lease covering about 100 square miles for a
project estimated to eventually cost about $100 million. [New York
Times, 3-22-2013]

Frontiers of Science

* Since gastrointestinal noroviruses are so infectious and can be
fatal in countries with marginal hygiene, scientists at the UK
government's Health and Safety Lab in Derbyshire needed to study
the "reach and dispersion" of human "vomitus," especially its
aerosolizing.  Working with nauseous patients would be
impractical, and thus, researcher Catherine Makison created
"Vomiting Larry," a puke-hurling robot with a range of almost 10
feet.  (According to a University of Cambridge researcher, one can
be infected by fewer than 20 norovirus particles; each droplet of
puke can contain two million particles; and the virus remains active
on surfaces for 12 hours.)  [Reuters via The Register (London), 1-3-
2013]

* Research published in February by Britain's Royal Society science
association found that male guppies in mating mode prefer to
congregate with plainer, less colorful males, probably for an
obvious reason:  to look better by comparison.  Said Italian
researcher Clelia Gasparini, "You want to impress [a female
potential mate]."  Would you "look more attractive in comparison
with [the dowdy, awkward comic star] Mr. Bean or George
Clooney?"   [Associated Press via Yahoo News, 2-13-2013]

* Hottentot golden moles reside underground, which is not so
oppressive because they're blind and navigate by smell and touch.
Nonetheless, some scientists spend years studying them, and in a
recent issue of Mammalian Biology, South African researchers
disclosed that females choose mates largely by penis size.  While
some human females also favor this particular "pre-copulatory
mechanism," the scientists hypothesized that the moles' reliance on
touch leaves them with no alternative.  [BBC News, 2-20-2013]

* Premium Health Care for Lovable Animals:  While some
Americans cannot get medically-necessary health care, a few lucky
animals every year receive exactly what they need from wildlife
conservation centers.  Most recently, in March, a sandhill crane
received deluxe surgery by a facility in Abbotsford, British
Columbia, after having his leg shattered on a golf course.  Doctors
tried several surgeries, then amputated the leg, and have fitted the
crane with a prosthesis that allows balance-preserving mobility.  (In
February, Suma Aqualife Park near Kobe, Japan, fitted a 190-lb.
loggerhead turtle with rubber fins kept in place by a vest--to replace
fins damaged in what doctors guessed was a shark attack.)
[Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News, 3-24-2013] [National
Geographic, 2-20-2013]

* The Dark Side:  Even though human hearts open warmly to
helpless animals, kindness is not universal.  As Clemson University
animal conservation student Nathan Weaver found with a quick
experiment late last year, some drivers will deliberately swerve into
a turtle trying to cross a busy road--seven drivers, he found, in the
space of one hour (though most drivers easily avoided the realistic
rubber model).  (In the 1979 movie "The Great Santini," an
overbearing fighter-pilot-husband who squishes turtles while
driving late at night tells his wife, "It's my only sport when I'm
traveling, my only hobby.")   [Associated Press via Yahoo News,
12-27-2012]

Leading Economic Indicators

* Wealthy Russians have recently found a way around the country's
horrid traffic jams:  fake ambulances, outfitted with plush interiors
for relaxation while specially trained drivers use unauthorized lights
and sirens to maneuver through cluttered streets.  London's Daily
Telegraph reported in March that "ambulance" companies charge
the equivalent of about $200 an hour for these taxis. [Daily
Telegraph via National Post (Toronto), 3-22-2013]

Perspective

* While Americans Just Sigh . . .:  After a trial on fraud charges, the
Iranian judiciary sentenced four bankers and their collaborators to
death in February and several others to public floggings for
obtaining loans by forgery in order to purchase government
properties.  The total amount involved reportedly was the equivalent
of about $2.6 billion--tiny compared to losses suffered since 2008
by investors and customers of large American banks' illegality,
money-laundering, and corner-cutting, for which no one has yet
been jailed even for a single day. [PressTV.ir (Tehran), 2-18-2013]

Least Competent Criminals

* So Far, So Good . . Oops!:  (1) Husband Jared Rick and wife
Ashley walked out of the Walmart in Salem, Ill., in February with
about $2,400 in shoplifted merchandise, apparently home-free, but
in the parking lot got into a loud domestic argument that drew the
attention of security officers, who saw the merchandise and matched
the Ricks with surveillance video.  (2)  Corey Moore, a Washington,
D.C., "street legend," according to the Washington Post, for beating
one arrest after another on murder and firearms charges, was finally
convicted in February and faced at least 15 years in prison.  The
case was broken by a foot patrolman in the suburb of Takoma Park,
Md., who saw Moore toss an open bottle of beer into some
shrubbery.  After a sidewalk chase, a search yielded cocaine, which
enabled a search of Moore's apartment, which supplied crucial
evidence the police had been lacking for years.  [WJBD Radio
(Salem), 2-27-2013] [Washington Post, 2-11-2013]

Strange Old World

* Romanian lawyer Madalin Ciculescu, 34, said in April that his
next stop for his lawsuit is the European Court of Human Rights
after two Romanian courts turned down his claims against Orthodox
bishops who failed to exorcize the demons that were causing his
flatulence.  He sued the Archdiocese because at least two exorcisms
(one in his office, one at home) proved useless, thus harming his
business as well as rendering his home life unpleasant.  An
Archdiocese spokesman said the exorcisms were done properly, by
the book.  [Daily Mail (London), 4-6-2013]

Readers' Choice

* Took It Too Far:  (1) The school board in Windham, Mass., voted
in March to ban popular, ubiquitous dodgeball from the district's
curriculum because the game treats players as "human targets."
Dodgeball (even though played these days with foam ball) also
suffers from "eliminating" players as the game progresses, which an
education professional warned renders them less active than the
good players.  (2) The Castle View School in Britain's Essex County
issued a specific ban in March against serving popular "triangle-
shaped" pancakes after one was thrown at pupil.  (Not affected,
reported London's The Independent, were "rectangle-shaped"
pancakes, even though those, of course, have four firm corners
instead of three.)  [Eagle Tribune (North Andover, Mass.), 3-27-
2013] [The Independent, 3-25-2013]

     Thanks This Week to Peter Smagorinsky, Perry Levin, Roy
Henock, Jim Peterson, and Pete Randall, and to the News of the
Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
              
                  * * * * *  
WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.WeirdUniverse.net,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.