News of the Weird, April 14, 2013

[Chuck Shepherd]

WEIRDNUZ.M314 (News of the Weird, April 14, 2013)
by Chuck Shepherd       

Copyright 2013 by Chuck Shepherd.  All rights reserved.

Lead Story

* Undocumented immigrant Jose Munoz, 25, believed himself an
ideal candidate for President Obama's 2012 safe-harbor initiative
for illegal-entry children, in that he had been brought to the U.S. by
his undocumented parents before age 16, had no criminal record,
and had graduated from high school (with honors, even).  Since
then, however, he had remained at home in Sheboygan, Wis.,
assisting his family, doing odd jobs, and, admittedly, just playing
video games and "vegging."  Living "in the shadows," he found it
almost impossible prove the final legal criterion:  that he had lived
continuously in the U.S. since graduation (using government
records, payroll sheets, utility bills, etc.).  After initial failures to
convince immigration officials, reported the Milwaukee Journal
Sentinel in March, Munoz's lawyer succeeded--by submitting
Munoz's Xbox Live records documenting that his computer's
Wisconsin location had been accessing video games, day after day,
for years.  [Journal Sentinel, 3-24-2013]

Government in Action!

* Among the lingering costs of U.S. wars are disability payments
and compensation to veterans' families, which can continue decades
after hostilities end.  An Associated Press analysis of federal
payment records, released in March, even found two current
recipients of Civil War benefits.  Vietnam war payments are still
about $22 billion a year, World War II, $5 billion.  World War I,
$20 million, and the 1898 Spanish-American war. about $1,700.
[Associated Press via MassLive.com, 3-19-2013]

* Each year, Oklahoma is among the states to receive a $150,000
federal grant to operate small, isolated airfields (for Oklahoma, one
in the southern part of the state, so seldom used that it is primarily a
restroom stop for passing pilots).  The payments are from a 13-year-
old Congressional fund for about 80 similar airfields (no traffic, no
planes kept on site), described by a February Washington Post
investigation as "ATM[s] shaped like [airports]."  Congress no
longer even requires that the annual grants be spent on the actual
airports drawing the grants. [Washington Post, 2-25-2013]

* During the massive February southern California manhunt for
former Los Angeles cop Christopher Dorner, nervous-triggered
LAPD officers riddled an SUV with bullets after mistakenly
believing Dorner was inside.  Instead were two women, on their
early-morning job as newspaper carriers, and LAPD Chief Charlie
Beck famously promised them a new truck and arranged with a
local dealership for a 2013 Ford F-150 ($32,560).  However, the
deal fell through in March when the women discovered that Beck's
"free" truck was hardly free.  Rather, it would be taxable as a
"donation," reported on IRS Form 1099, perhaps costing them
thousands of dollars.   [KNBC-TV (Los Angeles), 3-13-2013]  

Great Art!

* Sculptor Richard Jackson introduced "Bad Dog" as part of his
"Ain't Painting a Pain" installation at California's Orange County
Museum in February.  Outside, to coax visitors in, Jackson's Bad
Dog's hind leg was cocked, with gallons of yellow paint being
pumped onto the building.  "We'll see how long it lasts," he told the
Los Angeles Times, "but you never know how people will react."
"Sometimes, people feel they should protect their children from
such things, then the kids go home and watch "South Park." [Los
Angeles Times, 2-15-2013]

* Australian dilettante David Walsh's two-year-old  Museum of Old
and New Art in Hobart is acquiring a reputation for irreverence.
Among the exhibits is Greg Taylor's "My Beautiful Chair," which
invites a visitor to lie next to a lethal injection chair and experience
a countdown, mimicking the time it takes for execution drugs to kill
(and then flashing "You're Dead").  Also, at 2 p.m. each day, a
"brand-new," "fresh" "fecal masterpiece" is created by artist Wim
Delboye, in which a meal from the museum's restaurant is placed
into a transparent grinder that creates slush, turns it brown, and adds
an overpowering defecation-like smell.  The resulting "masterpiece"
is channeled into (also transparent) vats.  [Agence France-Presse via
France24.com (Paris), 2-14-2013]

* Career-Ending Jobs for Runway Models:  British "design
engineer" Jess Eaton introduced her second "high-fashion"
collection in December at London's White Gallery, this time
consisting of supposedly elegant bridal wear made in part with
roadkill, cat and alpaca fur, seagull wings, and human bones. [Daily
Mail (London), 3-8-2013]

Democracy in Action

* U.S. political consultants may recommend to their candidates
gestures such as wearing an American flag lapel pin.  In India, the
advice includes creating the proper suggestive name for the
candidate on the official ballot.  Hence, among those running for
office this year (according to a February Hindustan Times report):
Frankenstein Momin, Hamletson Dohling, Boldness Nongum, and
Bombersing Hynniewta, and severak Sangmas (related or not):
Billykid Sangma, Mafiara Sangma, Righteous Sangma, and
Winnerson Sangma.  More confusing were Hilarius Dkhar and
Hilarius Pohchen and especially Adolf Lu Hitler Marak.  [Hindustan
Times, 2-19-2013]

Perspective

* Some Third-Worlders eat dirt because they are mentally ill or
have no meaningful food.  However, diners at Tokyo's upscale Ne
Quittez Pas eat it because it is a trendy dish prepared by prominent
chef Toshio Tanabe.  Among his courses are soil soup served with a
flake of dirty truffle, soil sorbet, and the "soil surprise" (a dirt-
covered potato ball).  (Spoiler Alert:  It has a truffle center.)  Tanabe
lightly pre-cooks his dirt and runs it through a sieve to eliminate the
crunchiness.  [Village Voice, 2-4-2013]

Police Reports

* In some jurisdictions, a driver can be presumed-impaired with a
blood-alcohol reading as low as .07 (and suggestively-impaired at a
reading below that), but according to a WMAQ-TV investigation in
February, some suburban Chicago police forces allow officers to
work with their own personal readings as high as .05.  (While
officers may be barred from driving at that level, they may not, by
police union contract, face any discipline if they show up for work
with a reading that high.) [WMAQ-TV, 2-15-2013]
                        
* From the Blotter:  (1) Arlington County, Va., police reported in
February that a resident of Carlin Springs Road told officers that
someone entered her home and stole chicken from her simmering
crock pot--but only the chicken, leaving the vegetables as they were.
The report noted that they had no suspects.  (2) Prison guard
Alfredo Malespini III, 31, faces several charges in Bradford, Pa.,
resulting from a marital dispute in March, when, presumably to
make a point, he tried to remove his wedding ring by shooting it off.
(The ring remained in place; his finger was mangled.)
[ArlNow.com, 2-22-2013] [Associated Press via WCAU-TV
(Philadelphia, 3-15-2013]

Fetishes on Parade

* Serving Pediphiles:  In March, a 19-year-old New York
University student described to the New York Post her one-night's
experience last year as a foot-fetish prostitute at a spa in which men
paid a $100 entrance fee plus $20 for each 10 minutes of fondling
and kissing young women's feet.  She said the men wore business
suits, which they kept on the whole time, and that the dressed-up
women had to first pass a strict foot examination by the "pimp,"
seeking candidates with the desired "high arches and small feet."
She guessed that more than two dozen men patronized the spa
during her shift and that she earned $200, including tips. [New York
Post, 3-10-2013]

Readers' Choice              

* (1) In March, Jose Martinez pocketed an $8,000 settlement with
California's Disneyland after he was stranded on a broken It's a
Small World ride for a half-hour in 2009.  Because Martinez is
disabled, he could not easily be rescued and was forced, he said, to
listen to the "It's a Small World" song on an endless loop until help
arrived.  (2) A woman and her son doing yard work at their home in
Texarkana, Tex., in March "cleverly" dealt with a menacing snake
by dousing it with gasoline and setting it afire, but of course it
slithered away--under their house.  Moments later, according to an
Associated Press dispatch, the home caught fire and burned down,
and their neighbor's house was heavily damaged. [Daily Mail
(London), 3-26-2013] [Associated Press via Athens (Ga.) Banner-
Herald, 3-22-2013]

     Thanks This Week to Peter Wardley, Sharon Teris-Whitney,
Bruce Strickland, Russell Bell, Bruce Leiserowitz, and Peter
Smagorinsky, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial
Advisors.
              
                  * * * * *  
WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.net
(almost daily), and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.