News of the Weird, March 19, 2006
Minister Chuck
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2006 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* "Reeking" As A Career Field: Homeless New Jersey man
Richard Kreimer said in February that he had settled, on
undisclosed terms, part of his most recent lawsuit, against a transit
company and two drivers, for having denied him rides because of
his foul odor. Kreimer's history includes a $150,000 settlement in
1991 with the public library in Morris County, which had tried to
keep him out because of the odor, and, by his count, $80,000 in
additional lawsuit-related income (though some went for legal
expenses). Kreimer dropped another foul-odor lawsuit in
February, against a transit company and a train station in Summit.
[Press of Atlantic City, 2-18-06; Newsday-AP, 3-2-06]
Cultural Diversity
* (1) Health authorities in Thailand began warning teenage girls in
January of the dental risks of do-it-yourself orthodontics (colorful
metallic teeth braces worn for fashion to match girls' outfits,
according to an Associated Press dispatch). (2) In Lunar New Year
celebrations in January, 120 million rural peasants traveled to and
from cities via jam-packed trains, despite meager restroom
facilities. As a result, according to a Reuters dispatch, there was a
massive holiday run on adult diapers. [CNN-AP, 1-26-06] [BBC
News, 1-24-06]
* A 300-page indictment detailing more than 1,000 allegations of
election fraud was returned in February by a grand jury
investigating the coal-mining town of Appalachia, Va., following
reports of absentee-ballot bribery by two town officials.
Prosecutors accused candidates' operatives of offering the locals
such goodies as beer, moonshine, and cigarettes and in one case a
supply of pork rinds. [Roanoke Times, 3-3-06]
Good News for College Kids
* (1) In January, history professor David Weale of Canada's
University of Prince Edward Island offered B-minus grades to any
students in his overcrowded class if they would just go away, and
20 of the 95 accepted. (However, the administration found out,
and Professor Weale, who had retired last year but returned to
teach that one course, re-retired.) (2) Former Fairfield University
student William Rom, 24, won $111,000 from the school in a
February verdict because he was improperly suspended four years
ago. At the time, Rom was accused of entering a women's
restroom, fighting, ripping posters off walls, dumping water on
students from a second floor, smashing a bathroom mirror, running
naked on campus, and (underage) drinking (and subsequently
vomiting in the dorm.) [Globe and Mail, 1-27-06] [Connecticut
Post, 2-4-06]
School Daze
* (1) The head of the Jo Richardson comprehensive school in
Dagenham, England, prohibits students from raising their hands in
class, according to a January Daily Telegraph report, to keep those
not called on from feeling "victimi[zed]." (2) And rules drawn up
in February by the Welsh Assembly called for schools in Wales to
ban all kissing, even in school plays (but an Assembly spokesman
said Romeo could give Juliet "a peck on the cheek"). [Daily
Telegraph (London), 1-28-06] [Daily Telegraph (London), 2-17-
06]
* In February, Bolivia's foreign minister proposed to include coca
leaves as part of school breakfast programs, noting that they
contain many times more calcium than does milk (and unless
processed as cocaine, are not mind-altering). And in November,
the Coffee Industry Association of Brazil proposed to help fund a
breakfast program for one million schoolchildren as young as age
6, provided that the meal includes coffee. [New York Times, 2-12-
06] [New Zealand Herald, 11-21-05]
Home, Sweet Home
* Developer Ryan Pedram was finally ordered to stop work on his
new three-story home in the Bronx in New York City after he had
begun building it flush with a disputed property line, including
constructing one cinder-block wall to encompass the trunk of an
oak tree that ostensibly belongs to his neighbor. (He had figured
on winning the property dispute and removing the tree; his plan, in
case of loss, was not reported.) Also, in Brooklyn, a judge recently
allowed industrialist Simon Taub to install sheetrock walls in
several rooms in his home as a temporary solution in a pending
divorce, to allow both husband and wife to share the house
(reminiscent of the 1989 movie "War of the Roses"). [New York
Daily News, 2-8-06] [New York Daily News, 2-7-06]
People Different From Us
* Unusual Obsessions: (1) orchids (When collector Sian Tiong
Lim, 32, was recently jailed for four months in England for orchid-
smuggling, orchid expert Eric Hansen told United Press
International, "There is a lunatic fringe to the orchid world, and a
fine line between the average grower and the horticulturally
insane.") (2) rare bird eggs (Collector Gregory Wheal, 42, also
was jailed recently for four months in England after a 30-year
history of stealing from hundreds of nests. His lawyer told the
judge that Wheal needs professional help.) [Washington Times-
UPI, 1-22-06] [Daily Telegraph (London), 1-13-06]
* When Travis Frey, 33, was charged in Council Bluffs, Iowa, in
February with kidnapping his wife, she gave police a "Contract of
Wifely Expectations" that he had allegedly written for her
(subsequently published on TheSmokingGun.com, which called it
a contract "for the ages"). In painstaking detail, the husband
prescribed the micromanagement of her life, including what she
would wear in public and to bed and the exact times she would be
available for specified sexual relations. Instructions on hygiene
and body-shaving were given. Eight explicit, non-subservient
wifely reactions were banned. She could earn "Good Behavior
Days" with exemplary performance but would lose them on
specified misbehaviors, including complaining about the contract.
[KETV-TV (Omaha), 2-6-06] [TheSmokingGun.com, 2-17-06]
Least Competent Criminals
* Police in Milford, Tex. (just south of Dallas), arrested a man in
February who had fled a traffic stop, and in the ensuing chase, saw
him tear open and toss out bag after bag of a substance (but some
blew back in the car). When finally stopped, said police chief
Carlos Phoenix, the man was "literally covered in marijuana" from
the blowback. And in January, in Anchorage, Alaska, a man who
had painted his face Smurf-like blue robbed the Super 8 Motel, and
police put out a description. A short time later, a caller reported a
man with blue smudges behind his ears, and police soon arrested
Daniel Peter Clark, 19. [San Francisco Chronicle-AP, 2-6-06]
[ABC News, 1-13-06]
Update
* In 2003, News of the Weird reported that the Pentagon's Defense
Threat Reduction Agency had been Internet-monitoring a facility
on Scotland's Isle of Islay whose webcam was showing images
suggesting a chemical weapons lab but that, after lengthy
surveillance, the Agency had found it to be whiskey distillery. In
February 2006, that distillery (Bruichladdich, one of the UK's most
adventurous), announced it is preparing to make a 92%-alcohol
whiskey whose recommended dose is two spoonfuls. Said the
managing director, "To be honest, I'm just hoping the distillery
doesn't explode." [Sunday Herald (Glasgow), 2-26-06]
Recurring Themes
* The Continuing Jesus and Mary World Tour: "Sightings" have
been made in just the last three months in North Vernon, Ind.
(Jesus on a wooden door), Jacksonville, Fla. (Jesus on a nacho-
warming tray), Cozimel, Mexico (Jesus on a flower pot), Laredo,
Tex. (Jesus on a truck's tailgate), Mexico, Maine (Mary on the
charred wood of a burned-out home), Beachwood, Ohio (Jesus on a
pancake), Manchester, Conn. (Jesus on piece of sheet metal),
Dallas, Tex. (Mary on the bark of a tree), and airborne from New
York City to Florida (Mary on a potato chip served by Jet Blue).
[WKMG-TV (Orlando), 1-31-06] [WCAU-TV (Philadelphia), 12-
22-05] [Reuters, 11-20-05] [WNCN-TV (Raleigh, N.C.), 11-22-
05] [WKMG-TV (Orlando), 1-19-06] [WEWS-TV (Cleveland), 2-
9-06] [USA Today, 2-26-06] [Dallas Morning News, 3-1-06]
[Tampa Tribune-Knight Ridder, 2-15-06]
Readers' Choice
* Police in a Columbus, Ohio, suburb arrested Alan Patton, 54,
outside a movie theater restroom in February and later listened to
him describe in detail his unusual behavior. According to police,
Patton is obsessed with collecting and consuming the urine of
young boys, which he said he has done for over 40 years. "I like it
because it makes me closer to them like I'm drinking their youth."
His modus operandi is to shut off a urinal's flush water, wait for a
boy to finish, and then gather up the urine. "Listening to him
describe it," said one detective, "it's like listening to a crack or
cocaine addict. He's addicted to children's urine." [WCMH-TV
(Columbus), 2-21-06]
CORRECTION: In a story two weeks ago, from a medical journal
on the x-ray of an Inuit woman whose appendix was revealed to be
stuffed with metal, I failed to distinguish "birdshot" (which was
used by Vice President Cheney in his recent hunting incident) from
the larger "buckshot" reportedly present in the enlarged appendix.
Thanks This Week to Tracey Nixon, Joe Weckbacher, Ken
Berkun, Tom Preston, Dan Taylor, Caroline Wright, John Votel, Gil
Nelson, and Caroline Lawler, and to many finders of the Readers'
Choice story, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial
Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com / WeirdN...@Yahoo.com / P.O.
Box 18737, Tampa FL 33629).