News of the Weird, August 5, 2012

[Chuck Shepherd]

WEIRDNUZ.M278 (News of the Weird, August 5, 2012)

by Chuck Shepherd

 

Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd.  All rights reserved.

 

Lead Story

 

* New York City's tap water is already widely regarded as world-

class, in safety and taste (and subjected to a half-million tests a year

by the city's Department of Environmental Protection).  However,

two entrepreneurs recently opened the Molecule water bar in the

city's East Village, selling 16-oz. bottles of the same water for

$2.50, extra-filtered through their $25,000 machine that applies UV

rays, ozone treatment, and "reverse osmosis" in a seven-stage

process, to create what they call "pure H2O."  The owners of

Molecule are a restaurateur/art dealer and a "social-justice activist"

who is a "former world champion boomerang player," according to

a July Wall Street Journal profile. [Wall Street Journal, 7-18-2012]

 

Can't Possibly Be True

 

* In 2011, the Liberty County, Tex., home of Joe Bankson and Gena

Charlton was raided by sheriff's deputies, the FBI, state officials,

and a trailing media crew (alerted by the sheriff), checking out a tip

that "25 to 30" children's bodies were buried on the property.  No

evidence was found, and in a June 2012 lawsuit for defamation,

Bankson and Charlton claim that the sheriff had organized the raid

knowing full well that the tipster was a self-described "prophet"

who had disclosed that her information came from "Jesus and the

[32] angels," who were present with her.  The sheriff said he did

everything "by the book" and that a judge signed the search warrant

confirming "probable cause" to believe that at least one crime (if not

25-30) had been committed. [Courthouse News, 6-8-2012; Simple

Justice blog, 6-19-2012]

 

* In July, the online magazine Salon profiled "Virtuous

Pedophiles"--an effort by two notably articulate men who insist that

their sexual fascination with children would never extend to

personal contact.  Said one (who claims "advanced degrees from

prestigious universities"), "We do not choose to be attracted to

children [but] we can resist the temptation to abuse children

sexually."  He added, curiously, that "many" of the Virtuous

Pedophiles "present no danger to children whatsoever."  Lamented

the man's co-founder, "Almost any group in the world can hold a

convention, look out on a sea of faces, and say, "These are people

like me," but because pedophiles are treated with such scorn, "We

can't."  [Salon, 7-1-2012]

 

Democracy Follies

 

* North Carolina state Rep. Becky Carney, an environmental

activist, inadvertently cast the deciding vote in July to open up

natural-gas hydraulic fracking in the state.  The legislature had

passed the bill earlier, but it was vetoed by Gov. Bev Perdue, and

the House needed exactly 72 votes to override the veto and enact the

bill.  Carney's tireless lobbying of colleagues appeared to have

helped halt the overriders at 71 votes, but when it came time to push

the buttons, Carney accidentally became the 72nd.  She could be

heard on her microphone in the chamber, saying, "Oh my gosh.  I

pushed green." [The Atlantic blog, 7-3-2012]

 

* "It's Just Politics":  (1) Mark Schimel told reporters in Albany,

N.Y., in May that it was nothing personal that caused him to run for

the Republican nomination to the state Assembly from Nassau

County--where the incumbent is his estranged wife, Democrat

Michelle Schimel.  Mark's mother seemed quite upset at her son.  "I

can't believe he'd do a thing like this [to Michelle]," she told a

reporter. "I'm going to talk to him."  (2) Democratic attorney

Christopher Smith is the presumptive nominee for a Florida Senate

seat from Fort Lauderdale, and it was just a coincidence, said

Republican leadership in June, that their candidate is attorney

Christopher Smithmyer.  Registered Democrats dominate the

district, but Smithmyer may win some votes by confusion.  [New

York Daily News, 5-13-2012] [Tampa Bay Times, 6-9-2012]

 

* Coming Soon to American Democracy?  (1) In March in Ireland,

Bundoran Town Councilor Florence Doherty became exasperated

with colleague Michael McMahon, who opposed a bill to strengthen

whistleblowers' rights.  "[T]his country doesn't need

whistleblowers," McMahon said.  Doherty replied, "Of course it

does, you asshole."  In a later radio interview, Doherty repeated her

word-of-the-day four times.  (2) In a live TV debate in July,

Mohammed Shawabka, a member of the Jordanian parliament,

became enraged when his opponent Mansour Sayf al-Din Murad

called him a secret Israeli agent.  Shawabka removed a shoe and

hurled it at Murad, who ducked, but then Shawabka pulled a silver

pistol from his waistband and waved it around (though no shots

were fired). [Donegal Democrat, 3-7-2012] [Associated Press via

Fox News, 7-9-2012]

 

* Mainstreaming:  In May, the brother of Jane Svoboda, 52, called

for sympathy after a video surfaced of her addressing the Lincoln

(Neb.) City Council with nonsense comments about Whitney

Houston, Hillary Clinton, and "corpse[s] found without clothes."

The brother noted that his sister lives in an assisted living

community and has been diagnosed schizophrenic.  Nonetheless, as

the Lincoln Journal Star pointed out, Ms. Svoboda continues to be a

registered lobbyist at the state Capitol. [Lincoln Journal Star, 5-12-

2012]

 

Unclear on the Concept

 

* William Voss has a tough job, noted a Bloomberg News report in

June.  He is CEO of the Flight Safety Foundation, which

relentlessly campaigns for improving airline safety regulations, but

admits that his primary obstacle is . . safe airlines.  (The last major-

airline accident in the U.S. was 11 years ago, leading to

complacency by airlines, passengers, and regulators.)  "If anyone

wants to advance safety through regulation," Voss said, "it can't be

done without further loss of life." [Bloomberg News, 6-25-2012]

 

Leading Economic Indicator

 

* Perspective:  The median annual per-capita income in the New

York City borough of the Bronx is about $18,000.  In the adjacent

borough of Manhattan, as the New York Post reported in May, a

resident of a certain condominium on East 11th Street was about to

pay over 50 times that amount--just for a parking space.  The space

is a deluxe one, though:  about 12 feet by 23 feet by 15 feet high,

meaning that it can be configured to store more than one car.

[MSNBC, 5-20-2012]

 

Recurring Themes

 

* Yet another woman made the news recently for having loaded up,

over several years, in breast augmentation surgery.  Paula Simonds,

44, of Miami, Fla., who is known professionally as model Lacey

Wildd, is approaching her goal of having breasts large enough to

place her in the top five in the world.  However, the quest is

grossing out her six kids--two young, two grown, and (especially

tough) two in high school, where the taunts flow freely.  Currently,

Simonds measures herself as an "L"-cup, headed for a "triple-M."

[Daily Mail, 6-14-2012]

 

Least Competent Criminals

 

* James Allan, 28, was sentenced to three years in prison in Oxford,

England, in July for robbing a news shop.  Allan's getaway was

delayed when he insisted, repeatedly, on pushing the front door

open when he obviously should have been pulling.  Finally,

exasperated, he yanked off his balaclava, exposing his face to the

surveillance camera, kicked the door, breaking the glass, and

escaped.  Police arrested him about three hours later nearby.  (The

2000 British movie "Snatch" featured just such a memorable scene

of push/pull helplessness.)  [Oxford Mail, 7-3-2012]

 

* When the assistant manager arrived early on June 26th to open up

the Rent-A-Center in Brockton, Mass., he encountered a man with

his head stuck underneath the heavy metal loading bay door

(obviously as a result of a failed burglary attempt during the night).

"Hang tight!" the manager consoled the trapped man.  "The police

are on their way."  Manuel Fernandes, 53, was arrested. [The

Enterprise (Brockton), 6-26-2012]

 

Readers' Choice

 

* (1) Our Lady of Sorrows Academy, playing for an Arizona state

boys' baseball title in May, decided to forfeit the game rather than

field a team against Mesa Preparatory Academy--because Mesa's

second-baseman was a girl, Paige Sultzbach.  (In two regular-season

meetings, Mesa had honored Our Lady's beliefs by benching

Sultzbach.)  (2) The Judson Independent School District near San

Antonio, Tex., fired a kindergarten teacher in June for arranging an

unorthodox solution to a colleague's bullying-student problem.  The

teacher ordered the class's 24 other students to line up and slap the

bully (and encouraging the students to "hit him harder") to reinforce

the message "why bullying is bad."  [AZCentral.com (Phoenix), 5-

9-2012] [Associated Press via ABC News, 6-18-2012]

 

     Thanks This Week to Gary DaSilva, Jim Weiss, and Perry

Levin, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

                         

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