News of the Weird, January 3, 2010
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2010 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* In Somalia, which is without a central government to speak of
and where very little functions beyond an Islamic resistance and
individual warlords' fiefdoms, a robust "stock market" has emerged
in the city of Haradheere for "investors" in the seagoing pirate
"industry," to raise money and supplies for kidnapers in exchange
for a share of the bounty once a ransom is paid. According to a
December Reuters dispatch, 72 "companies" are listed on the
exchange, enabling "venture capital" to fund greater piracy traffic
and more sophisticated looting. There even seems to be a financial
"bubble" at work, in that since the "exchange" opened, pirates'
ransoms have doubled, to about $4 million per ship. [Reuters, 12-
1-09]
Cultural Diversity
* Afghanistan's national game, buzkashi, is attempting a marketing
transformation inspired by pro football's and basketball's growths
in the United States over the last several decades, according to a
November USA Today dispatch. The main hindrance is that
buzkashi is often little more than violent anarchy. A team of 12
men on horseback tries to carry a goat carcass the length of a field,
around a goal, and back, through an opposing team "defense" that
includes almost any tactic short of murder. Spectators are often
trampled by riders disregarding boundaries, and horses have
dropped dead on the field from abuse or fatigue. The head of the
Buzkashi Federation said he aims to present the game for
consideration to the International Olympic Committee. [USA
Today, 11-18-09]
Latest Religious Messages
* Carried Away: (1) Since March 2008, the Cathedral of Christ the
King in Phoenix, Ariz., has been ringing its bells every half-hour,
24 hours a day, enraging neighbors, and a showdown with city
officials was looming at press time, according to ABC News. (2)
Martina Rabess, 52, was sanctioned by Britain's Sevenoaks
Magistrates Court in October after neighbors complained about her
loud, continuous recitations of the Lord's Prayer in early morning
hours around her apartment house. (3) Atlanta municipal bus
driver Leroy Matthews was suspended in November for a recent
incident in which he suddenly stopped the bus and refused to open
the doors until the alighting passenger joined hands with him in
prayer. [ABC News, 11-2-09] [Daily Mail, 10-19-09] [WSB-TV,
11-6-09]
* The Scranton (Pa.) Diocese, Needing Confession: Father
Edward Lyman of the Diocese was removed as a parish
administrator in November after he inadvertently (using his
personal computer during early Mass) clicked on photos of four
bare-chested young men in provocative poses. Also in November,
the Diocese disavowed Father Virgil Tetherow's behavior for
offering Mass at a breakaway church in York, Pa., and
too-aggressively protesting at a Planned Parenthood clinic
(incidents on top of Tetherow's 2005 conviction on a charge that
was originally child porn possession but downgraded in a plea
agreement). And yet another Diocese priest, Father Robert
Timchak, waived a preliminary hearing in November on charges of
having child porn on his computer. [Times-Tribune (Scranton), 11-
3-09] [York Daily Record, 11-3-09] [Pocono Record, 11-5-09]
* Aggressive Christianity: (1) Rev. Marc Grizzard, pastor of the
Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, N.C., staged an October
book-burning of "Satan's" literature, including works by Mother
Teresa and Rev. Billy Graham and any Bible besides the original
King James version. (2) In October, Mikey Weinstein, a former
military lawyer who served in the Reagan White House, filed a
lawsuit against Gordon Klingenschmitt, head of a Dallas, Tex.,
chaplains' association, to stop Klingenschmitt from publicly
reciting Bible verses implying a smiting of Weinstein, along with
Weinstein's family and descendants for 10 generations. Said
Klingenschmitt, "I never prayed for anyone's death. All I did was
quote the Scriptures." [WYFF-TV (Greenville, S.C.)-AP, 10-16-
09] [Dallas Morning News, 10-4-09]
Karma
* (1) Shannon Broome, 15, of Jacksonville, Fla., with her leg in a
cast and still laid up from a June rollover accident in an SUV, was
hit again in December when another out-of-control SUV came
through her bedroom wall and re-broke the leg (among other
injuries inflicted). (2) Recently, at the Abergele Hospital in North
Wales, Geraint Woolford, 52, was moved into a room to await a
partial knee replacement and discovered that his roommate was
Geraint Woolford, 77, who was awaiting a hip replacement.
According to a December report in the Daily Mail, they are not
related, but both are retired police officers. [Florida Times-Union,
12-2-09] [Daily Mail, 12-8-09]
The Simplest Musical Instrument
* Rajeev Kumar of Calcutta, India, is well-known locally for
playing the harmonica, specifically, using only his right nostril.
For added show, Kumar plays two harmonicas simultaneously,
with nostril and mouth. A BBC News reporter watching him (for a
December dispatch) said Kumar's strain was obvious. "[T]he veins
running through his nose and neck bulge, his eyes pop out, and his
face looks red and stretched." And at Britain's West Midland
Safari Park, the African elephant "Five" spends portions of almost
every day puffing away at a harmonica she found in her enclosure.
Said a Park spokesperson, "Five was making tunes within a few
weeks." (The talented Five also paints on canvas.) [BBC News,
12-16-09] [Daily Telegraph, 8-13-09]
Questionable Judgments
* Michael Sampson, who was in court in Salina, Kan., in
November merely on charges of littering and driving with a
suspended license, was arrested after a judge spotted him at the
defense table, making threatening gestures to witnesses. Sampson
was seen holding his thumb and fingers in the shape of a gun,
"firing" at a witness, and making a slashing motion across his neck.
[KSAL Radio (Salina), 11-20-09]
* In November, Father Joe Vetter, head of Duke University's
Catholic Center, criticized a research team seeking student
volunteers on female attitudes toward sex toys and paraphernalia.
Father Vetter said the project would affect students "in this
development phase [of their lives], and I don't think it's a good
developmental practice to just tell somebody to just sit around and
masturbate." [Raleigh News & Observer, 11-6-09]
People With Issues
* Sara Foss, 39, the mother of 13 in Derby, England, who is
scheduled to deliver number 14 in March, told the Daily Mail in
November of her vow to continue getting pregnant until she fulfills
her desire to have twins. Her longtime, live-in boyfriend works as
a boat-builder, but their main income is government benefits worth
the equivalent of about $80,000 annually. (Foss, apparently also a
fan of literature and movies, has kids named Artemus, Morpheus,
Voorhees, Baudelaire, Blackbird, Echo, Malachai, and Frodo.)
[Daily Mail, 11-23-09]
Least Competent Criminals
* Not Ready for Prime Time: (1) Andre Stolztfus, 17, was arrested
in Saugerties, N.Y., in October after he allegedly counterfeited a $1
bill that a family member later used toward the purchase of a pack
of cigarettes. (2) Bandanna-clad Jason Zacchi, 27, was arrested in
Dearborn Heights, Mich., in November after, according to police,
pointing a shotgun at a Wendy's employee at the drive-in window
and demanding money. Moments later, the shift manager angrily
approached the window and yelled at Zacchi, "What the hell are
you doing?" (The manager had recognized Zacchi through his
bandanna. Zacchi is her son.) [Times Record-Herald (Middletown,
N.Y.), 10-30-09] [MSNBC, 12-1-09]
Update
* Ragnar Bengtsson, 26, the male Swedish student who vowed in
September to pump milk from his nipples every three hours for 90
days, drop by drop, to show that it could be done, quit in
November, concluding that it can't. Said a TV producer following
Bengtsson around, "All he got was sore breasts." [The Local
(Stockholm), 12-1-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (May 2002)
* In April 2002, the U.S. Patent Office awarded patent number
6,368,227 to Steven Olson, age 7, of St. Paul, Minn., whose father
had filed to help him protect a method of swinging on a swing.
The Olsons' discovery: While seated, if you pull alternately on one
side's chain/rope and then on the other side's, while gradually
introducing a forward-backward thrust, you can swing in an oval-
shaped arc, as long as the side-to-side motion is greater than the
forward-backward motion. According to the Patent Office,
licenses to use the patented method are available from the inventor.
[New York Post, 4-18-02; U.S. Patent and Trademark Office
Database, 4-9-02]
Thanks This Week to Jamie Wilson, Pete Randall, Rob
Steiner, Lisa Wolfe, and Steve Dunn, and to the News of the Weird
Board of Editorial Advisors.
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