News of the Weird, February 17, 2013

[Chuck Shepherd]

WEIRDNUZ.M306 (News of the Weird, February 17, 2013)
by Chuck Shepherd

Copyright 2013 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Lead Story

* An estimated 3.2 million kids aged 5-12 take mixed-martial arts
classes, training to administer beatdowns modeled after the adults'
Ultimate Fighting Championships, according to a January report in
ESPN magazine, which profiled the swaggering, Mohawked Derek
"Crazy" Rayfield, 11, and the meek, doll-clutching fighting
machine, Regina "The Black Widow" Awana, 7. Kids under age 12
fight each other without regard to gender, and blows above the
collarbone are always prohibited (along with attacks on the groin,
kidneys, and back). "Crazy" was described delivering merciless
forearm chest smashes to a foe before the referee intervened, and
the Black Widow won her match in less than a minute via arm-bar
submission. Parental involvement appears to be of two types:
either fear of their child's getting hurt or encouragement to be
meaner. [ESPN The Magazine, 1-7-2013]

The Continuing Crisis

* Breaking Bad (and Quickly!): Tyrone Harris, 26, reported for his
first shift at Dunkin Donuts in Morristown, N.J., in January and
received his name tag. Seven minutes later, according to police, he
was on his way out the door with $2,100 from his supervisor's desk.
(Apparently, the supervisor had opened his drawer a little too far
when reaching for the name tag, giving Harris a glimpse of the
cash.) [NJ.com (Newark), 1-21-2013]

* In a January submission to India's Supreme Court, an association
of the country's caste councils begged for greater sympathy for men
who commit "honor killings" of wayward females. The councils
denied encouraging such killings, but emphasized that fathers or
brothers who murder a daughter or sister are usually "law-abiding,
educated, and respectable people" who must protect their reputation
after a female has had a "forbidden" relationship--especially a
female who intends to marry within her sub-caste, which the
councils believe leads to deformed babies. [Daily Telegraph
(London), 1-15-2013]

* Aubrey Ireland, 21, a dean's-list senior at the University of
Cincinnati's prestigious college of music, went to court in December
to protect herself from two stalkers--her mother and father, who, she
said, had been paranoiacally meddling in her life. David and Julie
Ireland put tracking devices on Aubrey's computer and telephone
and showed up unannounced on campus (600 miles from their
home), telling officials that Aubrey was promiscuous and mentally
imbalanced. A Common Pleas Court judge ordered the parents to
keep their distance. [Cincinnati.com, 12-27-2012]

* Medium-Tech Warfare: (1) The mostly rag-tag army of Syrian
rebels fighting the Assad regime unveiled their first jerry-built
armored vehicle in December. The "Sham II" is an old diesel car
with cameras for navigation, a machine gun mounted on a turret
with a driver looking at one flat screen TV and a gunner another,
aiming the machine gun via a Sony PlayStation controller. (2)
Video transmissions from drone aircraft rose stiflingly to more than
300,000 hours last year (compared to 4,800 in 2001). With input
expected to grow even more, Air Force officials acknowledged in
December seeking advice from a private-sector company
experienced in handling massive amounts of video: ESPN. [The
Atlantic Wire, 12-9-2012] [USA Today, 12-19-2012]

* Dog trainer Mark Vette showed off his best work in Auckland,
New Zealand, in December: dogs driving a Cooper Mini on a
closed course. Using knobs fitted to the dogs' reach, Vette taught
mixed-breed rescue dogs "Monty" and "Porter" 10 discrete actions,
handling the starter, steering wheel, gearshift, and brake and gas
pedals, and then put them behind the wheel on live television.
Monty handled the straightaway flawlessly, but Porter, assigned to
steer around a bend, ran off the road. [Australian Broadcasting
Corp. News, 12-11-2012]

Bright Ideas

* Stress Relief for Students: (1) In November, students at
Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, ordered three therapy
dogs and set up a room for "super stressed" final-exam studiers.
The dogs typically are loaned to hospital patients and senior
citizens. (2) In December, Cornell University staff installed a patch
of grass inside the Olin Library (trucked in from the Adirondack
mountains) because, said an employee, the sight of it has a
"cognitive relaxing effect." [National Post, 11-29-2012] [Cornell
Daily Sun, 12-3-2012]

* Jorge Sanchez, 35, was arrested in Burbank, Calif., in February
after walking into a Costco store, brazenly stuffing 24 quart cans of
motor oil under his clothing (some affixed with bungee cords), and
heading for the exit. A security guard noticed him, but Sanchez fled
and actually outran the guard (though some of his cargo came
loose). Still carrying 15 cans, he made it eight blocks before police
overtook him. Sanchez said he services cars part-time and that
motor oil prices were just too high. [KCBS-TV (Los Angeles), 2-1-
2013]

The Aristocrats!

* Gregory Bruni, 21, was arrested in North Fort Myers, Fla., in
January after allegedly breaking into a residence at about 7 p.m.
(first scurrying across the roof and jumping on one resident who
came to investigate). According to police, Bruni was naked, ran
maniacally around screaming in gibberish, failed to be intimidated
when the female resident fired three "warning shots" with a
handgun, fell to the floor after the third shot and began
masturbating, and defecated near the front door and in a hallway.
Police soon arrived and Tasered him. [Fort Myers News-Press via
WTSP-TV (St. Petersburg), 1-25-2013]

Perspective

* The issue of "background checks" for gun purchases occupies
center stage in the current gun-regulation debate, even though,
ironically, current federal law on such checks is apparently half-
heartedly enforced. In the latest data available (from 2010), nearly
80,000 Americans were denied the right to purchase guns because
their applications contained false information (even though
applicants swear, under penalty of law, that all information is true).
However, the New York Times reported in January that of the
nearly 80,000 applicants, only 44 were prosecuted for lying, and
federal officials said the practice, well-known among applicants
with shaky backgrounds, is known as "lie and try." [New York
Times, 1-14-2013]

People With Issues

* Lawrence Adamczyk, 49, was arrested in Riverside, Ill., in
January after reports that he was loitering at Riverside Brookfield
High School during a swim meet. Police said he was quite talkative
in custody, admitting that he was at the school to leer at boys (after
being tipped off via "brainwave" messages from the singer Justin
Bieber) and that moments before police arrived, he had been
engaged in a solo sex act while ogling the swimmers. Amazingly,
police found that Adamczyk was not on any sex offenders' registry
even though he had been arrested (with at least one conviction) for
similar incidents in 2005, 2009, and 2011, and was on parole at the
time of the Riverside arrest. [WBBM-TV (Chicago), 1-13-2013]

Undignified Deaths

* (1) After a 51-year-old man was found dead in Everett, Wash., in
January with his heavier girlfriend (192 lbs.) lying face down on top
of him, sheriff's deputies attributed cause of death as his having
been smothered by the 50-year-old woman's breasts. Neighbors
said they had heard the man screaming for the woman to get off of
him. (2) In January, New York City police, arriving to check out an
altercation and a death on the tracks at the East 125th Street subway
station, found that the two incidents were unrelated. The man who
was killed had actually fallen off of a train near the station while he
was squatting between cars, defecating. [KIRO-TV (Seattle), 1-14-
2013] [New York Times, 1-15-2013]

Readers' Choice

* (1) Sophie Laboissonniere pleaded guilty in January to
participating in the 2011 street riot in Vancouver, British Columbia,
as part of a crowd that broke into a drug store following the
hometown Canucks' loss in the Stanley Cup finals. Months before
the riot, in the Miss Coastal Vancouver beauty pageant, she had
been voted Miss Congeniality. (2) On November 4th, "Holly"--
Jacob and Bonnie Richter's 4-year-old cat, fled the couple's motor
home (apparently frightened by fireworks) parked at the Daytona
International Speedway and did not return. Searches were futile,
and the Richters drove home to Palm Beach Gardens, about 180
miles away. Two weeks later, Holly appeared, disheveled with
paws rubbed raw, about a mile from the Richters' home, and the
finder returned her to the Richters based on Holly's microchip ID.
[Associated Press via CBS News, 1-9-2013] [WPBF-TV (West
Palm Beach), 1-7-2013]

Thanks This Week to Derek Costello, Jon Johnson, Bruce
Leiserowitz, Annie Thames, Perry Levin, John McGaw, and Rich
Heiden, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

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