News of the Weird, March 7, 2010
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2010 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Pastor John Renken's Xtreme Ministries of Memphis, Tenn., is
one of a supposedly growing number of churches that use "mixed
martial arts" events to recruit wayward young men February 25,
2010to the Christian gospel. Typically, after leading his flock in
solemn prayer to a loving God, Pastor Renken adjourns the session
to the back room, where a New York Times reporter found him in
February shouting encouragement to his violent parishioners: "Hard
punches!," Renken yelled. "Finish the fight! To the head! To the
head!" One participant told the Times that fight nights bring a
greater masculinity to religion, which he said had, in recent years,
gone soft. [New York Times, 2-2-10]
Government in Action!
* Over-Connecting the Dots: At age 8, Mike Hicks is a frequent air
traveler with his mother, and while she is seldom noticed by airport
screeners, "Mikey" almost always is because he shares a name with
someone on the enhanced-security list that is one level below "no
fly" (one of 1,600 such Michael Hickses in the U.S.). His mom told
the New York Times in January that Mikey has been patted down
by security since he was two. (But sometimes government under-
connects the dots. Delaware pediatrician Earl Bradley's January
arrest and February indictment for allegedly sexually molesting 103
children came only after he was cleared in two police investigations
in three years, involving eight complaints, and despite one ex-
colleague's routinely referring to Dr. Bradley as a "pedophile.")
[New York Times, 1-14-10] [Wilmington News Journal-USA
Today, 2-24-10]
* Better Late Than Never? (1) Ten days after Umar Farouk
Abdulmutallab nearly brought down the Christmas day airliner over
Detroit, the State Department officially revoked his visa. (2) Eight
days after the Christmas Eve demolition of Minneapolis's historic
Fjelde House (as a fire hazard), the Minneapolis Heritage
Preservation Commission awarded the site "interim protection" for
its historic value. [Detroit News, 1-4-10] [Star Tribune, 1-3-10]
* Too Much Diversity: (1) In January, the U.S. Justice
Department's Civil Rights Division posted a job announcement
supposedly in line with current affirmative-action policy. The
Division is seeking "experienced attorneys" and was encouraging
"qualified applicants with targeted disabilities" to apply. Legally
protected "targeted disabilities" include the traditional, such as
blindness, but also "mental retardation." (2) In February, aspirants
for taxicab licenses in Portsmouth, England, were officially
informed by the City Council that application forms are available in
other languages or in "audio," "large print," or "Braille." [Job
Announcement cited in Volokh Conspiracy blog, 2-3-10] [Daily
Telegraph, 1-30-10]
* When "You Lie!" Doesn't Quite Capture the Moment: Legislator
Abel LeBlanc was suspended from Canada's New Brunswick
Assembly in February for giving middle-finger salutes to two
colleagues, calling one a "punk" and declaring himself ready to
"walk outside with any one of yas here." "Don't ever laugh at me,"
he continued. "Yes, I gave you that [the finger]. And I'll give you
that again. And [to another colleague] I'll give you this [finger] if
you want to go outside." [Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News, 2-11-
10]
Great Art!
* Just after Christmas, the Anglican Church of St. Peter in Great
Limber, England, unveiled artist Adam Sheldon's six-foot-high
representation of the crucifixion consisting of 153 of pieces of toast.
Sheldon browned the bread himself, then painstakingly either
scraped (to lighten) or torched (to darken) each piece to fashion the
tableau. [Daily Telegraph, 1-13-10]
Police Report
* They Don't Make Cops Like They Used to: Sheriff's deputy John
Franklin of San Luis Obispo, Calif., filed a lawsuit in December
against the Catholic Church and former priest Geronimo Cuevas,
for the "emotional trauma" he suffered by being propositioned for
sex while working undercover in 2007. Deputy Franklin was
patrolling a public park near Avila Beach when Father Cuevas
reached out and touched Franklin's clothed genital area. Cuevas
was arrested and convicted, but Deputy Franklin said he is not yet
over the feelings of "anger, rage, disgust, and embarrassment."
[CalCoastNews.com, 12-29-09]
* Chutzpah: Former Stoughton, Mass., police sergeant David
Cohen was convicted in 2007 of attempted extortion and witness-
tampering and sentenced to 30 months in jail. In November 2009,
he filed a formal demand for payment of at least $113,000 he said
the department owes him for unused vacation, sick leave, and comp
time. He also claims extra pay because, while still on the job, he
had to spend 481 hours in court and 280 hours preparing in order to
defend himself against the criminal charges. [The Enterprise
(Brockton), 11-14-09, 10-16-09]
Names in the News
* Arrested in January in Memphis, Tenn., and charged with having
carnal knowledge of an underage girl: Mr. Knowledge Clark, 29.
Arrested in January in Hellertown, Pa., and charged with cashing a
stolen check: Richard Fluck, 47, and Bryan Flok, 47. Arrested in
Denver, Colo., in February and charged with using another person's
driver's license as identification: Mr. Robin J. Hood, 34. Arrested
in January and charged with cocaine trafficking: Carlos Laurel, 30,
and Andre Hardy, 39. Arrested in February in DeFuniak Springs,
Fla., and charged with possession of crystal meth: Crystal Beth
Williams, 21. [Commercial Appeal (Memphis), 1-19-10] [Morning
Call (Allentown), 1-20-10] [Denver Post, 2-12-10] [Citizens Voice
(Wilkes-Barre), 1-20-10] [Northwest Florida Daily News, 2-19-10]
It's Good to Be a British Criminal (continued)
* (1) Victim Debra Wilson testified that she had been driven nearly
into bankruptcy by loan shark Robert Reynolds, 39, who extorted
over time the equivalent of about $135,000. In December,
Reynolds was convicted in Durham Crown Court but ordered to
repay only the equivalent of about $2,300. (However, the judge
warned that if Reynolds failed to pay, he could be jailed for up to 35
days!). (2) In September 2008, veteran criminal Waled Salem and
two partners were discovered burglarizing the home of businessman
Munir Hussain. Salem, wielding a knife, restrained Hussain, his
wife, and children and resumed the ransacking. Hussain freed
himself and chased the men away, catching up only with Salem,
whom he then beat with a cricket bat. In December 2009 in
Reading Crown Court, Salem was sentenced to probation, but
Hussain got 30 months in jail for assault. [BBC News, 12-23-09]
[Daily Mail, 12-15-09]
Pervo-American Community
* Colt Heltsley, 20, had been spotted by police in 2008 at the Preble
County (Ohio) Fair, "looking around, acting nervous" in the area of
a row of portable toilets and in one 30-minute sequence continually
moving empty toilets until they were close together. He was
eventually convicted of voyeurism, peeping at a female using the
facility. In December 2009, a state appeals court rejected Heltsley's
defense that police had violated his right to privacy with their
surveillance. [Cincinnati Enquirer, 12-28-09]
Now, Which One Is the Brake? (all-new)
* Elderly drivers' recent lapses of concentration, accidentally
confusing the brake pedal with the gas: An 89-year-old man
crashed through the front of Sussex Eyecare opticians in Seaford,
England (June). A driver "in her late 80s" crashed into the
Buttonwood Bakery in Hanover Township, Pa. (September). An
86-year-old man crashed into the Country Boy Family Restaurant in
Dunedin, Fla. (October). An 82-year-old man crashed into the
Egypt Star Bakery in Whitehall Township, Pa. (November). A 78-
year-old woman drove off of a 30-foot cliff (but the car's plunge
was halted when it lodged against a tree) near Hannibal, Mo.
(August). A 92-year-old man crashed into the Biscuits "N" Gravy
and More restaurant in Port Orange, Fla. (January) (but was not
deterred amidst the rubble he created, as he calmly went inside, sat
down, and ordered breakfast).
Seaford: Daily Mail, 6-27-09
Hanover Township: WNEP-TV (Moosic, Pa.), 12-19-09
Dunedin: St. Petersburg Times, 10-13-09
Whitehall Township: Morning Call (Allentown), 11-19-09
Hannibal: WBBM-TV (Chicago)-AP, 8-13-09
Port Orange: WESH-TV (Orlando), 1-6-10
A News of the Weird Classic (March 1995)
* In August 1994, Sanford, Fla., judge Newman Brock picked up
hair clippers and went to the local Seminole County Jail for his
regular biweekly haircut from his longtime hairstylist Rick Thrower,
who was serving 45 days for DUI violations. Said Thrower, "[The
judge is] a very loyal customer." [Orlando Sentinel, 8-5-94] .373
Thanks This Week to Tom Burnett, Sam Gaines, Ken Evans,
Dan McGauley, Tom Barker, Joe Casso, Sandy Pearlman, and Peter
Hine, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
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